Work Text:
Captain sighed as he jumped out of their tank. "It's definitely totaled." He groaned as he assessed the damage. "There's no fucking way it isn't!"
Steve shrugged. "You don't know that for sure. Did you call our tank insurance agent about it yet?"
Captain crossed his arms, irritated that Steve thought of the idea before he did. "No - I was getting around to it," Captain barked as he pulled out his phone. He dialed (888) 671-4405 and patiently waited as the phone dialed. He glanced down at the massive collision damage that driving their tank off the side of a canyon had done. He could only hope insurance would cover it.
Finally - an answer. "Hello, this is Flo, from Progressive!" A chipper and friendly voice spoke through the phone. It was the woman from the commercials. "How can I help?"
"I need to know if my tank is totaled," Captain demanded. "How soon can we get it in a shop?"
"What's your policy number?" Flo purred with glee over the phone - ignoring Captain's urgency. After getting the thirteen digit number, she looked up their location on the battlegrounds. "Well, unfortunately - there's no body shops in the area that accept Progressive or tanks. It's one of the other."
"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Captain snarled into the phone.
"Well. The only shops in your area work on cars and trucks, not tanks. The only shop that does work on tanks doesn't accept Progressive," Flo from Progressive explained calmly. "Sorry - they only accept State Farm."
Steve overheard the conversation and shrugged. "Well, you know what they say - like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. We should have gotten State Farm."
"But your insurance agents told us you accepted tanks when we got the plan, should have known to not trust those deceptive commercials." Captain grunted as he began to think of a plan.
"Are there any other shops that do accept Progressive that work on tanks and what is the closest?" Steve says as he looks the tank over.
"The closest is about two hours away in Elizabeth, New Jersey." Flo replies to Steve. "We can set you up there if you'd like."
"Looks like this is our only option Cap." Steve says as he looks at Captain.
"Every day can be quite disappointing, really losing my hard on from the enemy here Steve. Lets just go to Elizabeth or whatever and get it taken cared of." Captain replies as he face palms.
"Alright, we will get you set up with Faulkner." Flo says as she hums with glee. "Bring your tank in as soon as possible."
"Whatever, now we gotta ask Ted to help us tow her to the shop." Captain grumbles as he hangs up.
"Eh, you know all he does is drink piss and smoke most of the time." Steve says. "Hopefully he actually helps this time."
"He wouldn't let her down like this." Captain now had tears in his eyes. "Look at her current state! She's in pain Steve, pain!"
Steve stared at the tank to see that it was indeed, in pain.
"Lets just go get Ted and tell him what happened." Captain said as he wiped away his tears.
Steve followed his seemingly grieving and emotional Captain as they went to find the sniper for help with their tank.
Hopefully soon, they'd be on their way to Elizabeth in New Jersey.