Work Text:
r/relationships
posted by u/i-am-not-the-han
My Wife Admitted to Sleeping with My Brother and I Don’t Know What to Think
Okay so, I (33M) am in what I guess you would call an arranged marriage with my wife (33F). Like we weren’t forced to marry each other or anything, our parents just set up marriage interviews for us to meet and see if we could make it work. It was entirely our choice if we wanted to actually wed or not. So it was more like a blind date and then a marriage speedrun.
But the thing is, the marriage interviews actually went pretty poorly and neither of us liked each other very much, but somehow we both still ended up agreeing to the marriage. I honestly don’t know what made her agree to marry me and I’m not sure why I agree either, but we did.
Our relationship was tough in the beginning because we genuinely could not stand each other. We argued over every little thing and slept in separate bedrooms for the first few months of our marriage.
But I don’t know, eventually things just started working out. We got used to each other I guess. And really grew to like each other. Eventually I fell stupidly in love with my wife. And while she was a little resistant to my affections at first, she grew to love me too. Now anyone who knows us describes us as the “disgustingly in love idiot couple.” Which is very accurate really.
I love my wife. Like I love her so much. She’s the most beautiful woman in the world and I am lucky to have her. I worship the ground she walks on. We have two children (boys aged 12 and 3) and are a happy family.
Recently we had a family gathering attended by my parents and my younger brother (32M) and my brother’s new wife (32F). I am not going to lie, my brother’s wife is drop dead gorgeous. Like, she’s the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.
I guess I must have looked at her too long or was too friendly in trying to welcome her into the family, because the night devolved into a bit of a fight. My wife and brother both accused me of being attracted to SIL and even my oldest son asked why I was so interested in his aunty when his mom is right there.
I tried to keep my distance from SIL for the rest of the gathering to minimize the fighting, but after everyone left my wife was still upset with me.
I tried to explain that while SIL is very pretty, I am very much in love with my wife and would never look at another woman while I’m with her. I also pointed out that my wife and my brother also seemed a bit too close at some points throughout the night and maybe she’s projecting. At this point, my wife burst into tears.
She confessed that, before she and I got married, but after we’d met for our first marriage interview, she pretty much had decided that she did not like me and was not interested in marrying me. She said a couple nights later she happened to meet my brother at a karaoke bar and they ended up sleeping together. She didn’t know he was my brother because they’d never met before that and didn’t realize he was my brother until after she’d agreed to marry me and we had a family dinner.
I don’t know what to think. I’m upset, but I don’t know what I’m upset about. She said it was just one time. It doesn’t technically count as “cheating” because we weren’t actually a couple or anything. We’d only had one marriage interview that had actually gone pretty badly and I think we were both of the mind to not marry each other at the time. But she agreed to another marriage interview with me a week later and she ended up marrying me.
I do believe her what it was just the once. She and my brother are friendly with each other, but not suspiciously close. Like I have no reason to think she continued to have an affair after our wedding.
It’s just, we’ve been married thirteen years and neither she nor my brother ever told me about this?
My wife is the only person I’ve ever been with, and while she did tell me early on that she had slept with other people before, she never thought it worth mentioning that one of the people she’s been with is my brother? I never wanted to know about her previous relationships, but I still feel this should have been worth mentioning.
I know reddit’s favorite advice is to jump straight to divorce, but I have no desire to divorce her over this. I love my wife and our family, and while I am hurt by this, I am not going to tear us apart over this.
Comments:
-u/depressurizedblobfish: so neither your wife nor brother mentioned they had a one night stand in the thirteen years you’ve been married? What the hell?
-u/supermegafoxyawesomehot: My question is, what exactly were you doing with your SIL at a family gathering that was so obvious even a 12 year old noticed?
--u/shutupanddance: lol, i was wondering the same thing
-u/tootiredforthis: did you guys get couples counseling during that tough time at the beginning of your relationship? Because the way you wrote it, it sounds like you just lived together hating each other until you Stokholmed yourselves into being in love. Either way, you probably need more couples counseling after this revelation.
-y/stayed_ate_slayed: anyone else thinking wife agreed to marry him because she got pregnant from her one night stand and needed someone to take responsibility?
--u/squish_my_lemon: Yeah I was also thinking that. They’ve been married for 13 years and they have a 12 year old? Either she got pregnant very early in their marriage, while they were still fighting all the time and sleeping in separate rooms, or she was already pregnant when she agreed to marry him, possibly agreeing only because she was already pregnant. OP did say he doesn’t know why she agreed to it in the first place…
r/amitheasshole
posted by u/i-am-not-the-han
AITA for secretly DNA testing my son
For the full backstory, you can read my previous post in r/relationships, but the tldr is: my wife [33F] and I [33M] are in something of an arranged marriage. We’ve been married for 13 years and have two sons [12 and 3]. After our first marriage interview, we didn’t like each other and neither of us was going to go through with it, but we both ended up changing our minds for some reason. Recently my wife admitted to having a one night stand with my brother after that first interview, before later agreeing to marry me.
After my post in the relationship subreddit, it was pointed out that it’s possible my wife had gotten pregnant from that one night stand and that’s why she decided to marry me. I didn’t want to believe it because I love and trust my wife, but the thought wouldn’t leave my head so I secretly got a DNA test done.
Turns out I was right to do so, because my oldest son is actually technically my nephew. (I love my boy very much and I’m not going to treat him any differently. Biologically, I am not his father, but he is still my son.)
After getting the results, I confronted my wife about it, asking if she’s known this whole time. She swears she didn’t know, but then she got angry at me for going behind her back and getting the test done. She said I should have just asked her. She says she understands why I would want to know, but the lack of trust hurts her.
Mod: the user offers the following reason for why they might be the asshole
I might be the asshole because I got the DNA test done secretly instead of just asking my wife and technically she never cheated on me, so there’s no reason for me not to trust her.
Comments:
-u/sideeffectsmightinclude: NTA. Your wife lied to you for thirteen years about sleeping with your brother (a lie by omission is still a lie), what reason did you have to believe she would be honest about if your son is yours or not.
-u/captured-buttflies: There’s so much to unpack here, kinda just wanna yeet the whole suitcase out the window. Get some couples counseling and some therapy.
Edited to add judgment NTA
-u/jiminycrikey: possibly controversial but NAH. You were well within your rights to want to get a DNA test done, but your wife is also within her rights to be upset you went behind her back to do it. Maybe if you two had better communication, she wouldn’t have hid her one night stand from you for 13 years.
-u/he-man-woman-hater: NTA, your wife has more red flags than a bullfighter. Divorce her.
r/trueoffmychest
posted by u/i-am-not-the-han
I think I’m falling in love with my sister-in-law
I’m not sure if this actually fits this subreddit. I’m not asking for relationship advice or anything, I just kind of want to scream into the void. I [34M] have been married for 14 years and I love my wife so much. Our relationship hasn’t been perfect, but we’ve managed to work through every difficulty. We’re raising two boys and we’re happy together.
A year ago, my brother married Minhee [33F, fake name]. Minhee is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen and I’ve thought so since the first moment I saw her. Also from the moment I saw her, my wife has accused me of being interested in Minhee. At the time, that was not true. I really did only have eyes for my wife.
My wife and I went through a rough patch right around that time and somehow Minhee and I grew close because of it. We have a lot in common and would get together and hang out. It was purely platonic. I was working on my relationship with my wife, and Minhee was just a friend I could lean on at the time.
My wife and I worked through our issues and our relationship is strong as ever, but Minhee are still friends and still hangout a lot. We talk and text and go to movies and on walks. And I know that sounds like dating, but we’re genuinely just friends. Like, she and I are the only ones in our circle who like horror movies, so of course we are going to go see horror movies together, it doesn’t have to be anything more than it is.
Minhee and my brother are going through their own rough patch and have even mentioned possibly divorcing.
Minhee is amazing. She’s beautiful and strong and funny and I think my brother would be a fool to let her go. He’s so lucky to have her, how could he not cherish her.
It was this thought that made me realize that I might be falling in love with her.
I love my wife and our family and I don’t want to ruin us, but I don’t think these feelings are going to go away.
Comments:
-u/depressurizedblobfish: did anyone else read OP’s post in r/relationships last year and totally see this coming?
--u/chroniccaseofligma: quote “from the moment i saw her, my wife accused me of being interested in Minhee” OP’s interest in Minhee was so obvious even his 12 year old son noticed.
---u/captured-buttflies: his 12 year old son who is actually his nephew because his wife got pregnant from her one night stand with his brother and I’m still not sure if she knowingly hid that from him
----u/totallygoeshere: what the fck kind of soap opera is OP living in?
r/relationship_advice
posted by u/i-am-not-the-han
I think my wife is having an affair with my brother
I saw my wife and my brother walking somewhere together holding hands. I think my wife might be cheating on me with him. They slept together before my wife and I married and our oldest son is actually my brother’s son, but he doesn’t know that.
My wife and my brother have always been close, but I never suspected an affair before. But recently my brother and his wife have separated and have been talking about possibly divorcing, and I just cannot understand why my brother would want to get a divorce so suddenly.
Is holding hands even enough to suspect an affair? Should I confront them about this? I don’t know what to do.
Comments:
-u/babyinabox: OP, are you sure you’re not just projecting because you’re the one having an emotional affair with your brother’s wife?
r/TIFU
posted by u/i-am-not-the-han
TIFU by telling my son he’s my nephew and calling my SIL baby
I only have like 3 minutes to post this because I’m currently hiding in the bathroom at a family gathering and eventually someone is going to come looking for me. Also, I’m on mobile so forgive me for any formatting issues.
Today I fucked up by telling my son he’s my nephew. This only happened like not even half an hour ago so there hasn’t actually been any blow back for it yet, but I know it’s coming.
About two years ago, I found out my wife had a one night stand with my brother before we got married (it’s complicated and a long story but technically she didn’t cheat on me I guess). She didn’t tell me about this until 13 years into our marriage. Turns out our oldest son is actually the product of that one night stand, but my wife says she didn’t know that. And no one else knows this except me and my wife. Not even my brother knows.
We’re having a family gathering right now and we were all gathered in the backyard to play games when my oldest son tried to get my attention by bumping into me and calling out “dad” and completely without meaning to, like I did not think at all before doing it, I pointed to my younger son and said “that’s my son, you’re my nephew.”
Everyone just froze and looked around confused. Somehow I managed to play it as a joke and everyone moved on. But my wife gave me a look like there’s going to be hell to pay later and I’m pretty sure I’m going to be sleeping on the couch for at least a week, if not a month.
Later we were all sitting around and my brother’s wife was cutting a watermelon. She’s so strong, she accidentally tore the watermelon while cutting it. I was in awe of her strength and somehow I just called her “baby” while my wife was sitting right next to me.
I tried to play it off like it didn’t happen, but my wife just outright asked me if I’m cheating on her and I panicked and said “there’s nothing wrong with falling in love.”
My brother and his wife had been on the verge of divorce for a while, but went to couples counseling and decided to stay together. So when he heard me say this, he got up in my face but then I mentioned that I saw him walking somewhere holding my wife’s hand and that somehow made him back down. Maybe because the kids and our parents were in the room? But I just know this is not over yet.
My 5 year old is currently knocking on the bathroom door so I guess I’m out of time.
Comments:
-u/depressurizedblobfish: I am waiting for the day OP makes a post saying “my brother and I decided to swap wives”
-u/jiminycrikey: those kids are going to need so much fucking therapy.
-u/powerful_pomu_energy: everyone needs to read all of OPs previous posts. When i tell you this if the most dysfunctional ass family i have ever fucking seen. There’s not enough therapy in the world to unpack all of this…