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Anya noticed it during the early days before Mama came into their family. She and Papa were taking an evening stroll through town since the weather was so nice. It was supposed to be a reward for her studying, even though Anya had just spent the time staring at the paper in front of her for however long it was. Papa had told Anya that they were on the lookout for more snakes, but Anya knew that he just wanted to make sure no bad guys had followed them into their new home. She was just happy to spend more time with her Papa and get away from her desk.
The streets were full of people who seemed to have the same idea. Neighbors waved as they passed, and Anya was being really good by not telling everyone they saw that they were on the lookout for bad guys. It made her happy seeing families walking along just like them. Even though her family looked a little different, it made the dream that she finally had a papa at all feel a little more real. She squeezed her Papa’s hand just once and giggled when Papa squeezed back.
A few blocks away from their new apartment was a boutique that showed the latest fashion from the southern region, and Anya loved to stop by the window to admire all the pretty dresses. Although she was partial to her black dress, she thought she would look magnificent in red or green or even the blue dresses that were currently on display. She asked Papa if he thought the same.
“I think you would look beautiful in any color Anya,” Papa complimented loudly with a charming smile and looked back at the display window. The aunties behind them cooed as they admired such a cute father-daughter interaction. Anya pouted. Even if the aunties ate stuff like that up, it wouldn’t work for her! She has been with her papa for weeks now, and she could tell when he was saying something truthfully or to keep appearances up. She dug through her papa’s head to see what he really thought of her in green.
Her papa’s thoughts, as per usual, ran the usual gambit of the number of clothes he will but for Anya seeing how she only came with the clothes on her back. He would want something not too eye-catching to keep under the radar as usual but elegant enough to impress anyone they would want to impress. He then moved onto the different clothes he would also need to buy for their interview for Eden College. Anya smiled as she saw her papa dress himself up in different fashions from the overly elegant to more casual. She laughed a little bit as her papa dressed himself up in a swimsuit in case there was some kind of pool event at the interview.
Then there was another thought. It lasted only a split second, but it felt as if it was echoing inside of Anya’s mind.
Perhaps I could also buy a new dress.
Anya had stars in her eyes. She didn’t know that Papas could wear dresses too. All the Papas from her previous families only wore suits, but that would make sense. After all, her papa was the best Papa, and all the other Papas were not as good. How cool would it be for the two of them to be in matching dresses! With their powers combined, they would be able to solve world peace in no time! Yes! That was it! The Desmond Papa would want to be their friends after admiring their matching dresses. It was a sure-fire plan, and then, maybe Papa would keep being her papa after the mission was over.
“Papa! Anya wants a new dress!” Anya pleaded as she tried to pull her Papa into the store. Unfortunately, her very smart papa didn’t see how wearing matching clothes would result in a successful Operation Strix and instead stood firm.
“Sorry Anya. We just ordered some new clothes from you from the tailor the other day. Then of course you’ll be wearing your uniform for most of the time while you’re in school. You won’t need any new clothes for a little bit, I think,” Papa explained.
“But you didn’t order anything though!”
“Of course, I did. I ordered three new suits, don’t you remember? You’re the one that picked the one with the funny hat.”
“But you didn’t order any dresses!” Anya clarified and yelped for a second as Papa gripped her hand a little too tightly.
“Anya! I’m sorry, did I hurt you?” Papa asked as he picked Anya up. Anya pulled her hand into a fist and shook her head before tucking her face into Papa’s shoulder.
“Sorry Papa,” Anya said. It wasn’t the first time she was hurt for saying the wrong thing. She went too far. She shouldn’t have said anything. She should have-
“No, it’s not your fault Anya. I thought I saw a snake for a moment there and panicked,” Papa reassured her. Anya pushed her face closer into her father’s shoulder. Her Papa was such a bad liar. Her Papa sighed and placed a hand on her head.
“Why don’t we go home and have some ice cream, hmm?”
Anya sniffled. “With peanuts?”
“With all the peanuts you want,” Papa smiled and turned around to make the way home.
The two of them were quiet on the walk back. They had started their walk later than the other families, so it was just them on the streets. It was nice. Usually the area was crowded with people, and Anya was still getting used to hearing so many different voices at once. But now, with just the two of them in, all Anya can do is focus on listening to her papa’s worried thoughts of letting down his inhibitions and his regret for hurting her. It was nice hearing someone being sorry for causing her stress and pain for once.
“Anya,” Papa called out, tapping her lightly on her back. So light. It was as if her papa was worried she was going to shatter under the smallest amount of pressure. She didn’t realize she was falling asleep until she almost jumped awake at his voice.
“Hmm?” she hums, still basking in her papa’s embrace.
“About earlier,” he started. “You know that boys don’t wear dresses, right?”
“How come?”
“It’s just how things are. Boys wear pants, and girls wear skirts and dresses.”
“Sometimes girls wear pants too.”
“Yes, that’s right.”
“And that’s okay?”
“That’s okay.”
“But that’s not fair!” Anya protested, her little fists dropping down on her father’s shoulders. “If girls can wear pants, how come boys can’t wear dresses. Aren’t boys allowed to look pretty too?”
“It’s just the way the world works Anya. I’m afraid I don’t make the rules. I’m telling you this because I don’t want you to be saying something like this during our interview. It can make some people get the wrong impression about our family, and you wouldn’t want people to think bad things about us, right?” Or else the world could end as they know it, went unsaid aloud be stayed loud and clear in her papa’s head.
Anya pursed her lips. That didn’t make any sense to her at all. If Anya could wear pants sometimes, why shouldn’t her papa be able to wear dresses? A small sense of regret emanated from her papa, which just made her feel all the worse about the situation.
“Would Papa ever want to wear a dress?” Anaya asked. The sun had completely fallen at this point, and they were just about to reach home.
“Sometimes.” Maybe it was the comfort that they were alone and under the cover of night that her papa felt comfortable answering truthfully for once. Perhaps it was because it was Anya, and he didn’t have too much faith in Anya’s ability to remember things. It wasn’t true though. Anya didn’t make room in her head for useless stuff like arithmetic or grammar. If she did, she wouldn’t have room to remember the really important things like how wistful her papa looked when he admitted something that he probably never told to anyone else in the world.
Anya frowned. Even so, her papa was a serious man, and between working at his fake job as an emotion doctor and his real job as a spy, she doubts that she would be able to get him wear a dress with her. Besides, it sounds like the fate of the world rested on her papa wearing a suit the entire time. Even though it sounded boring, she didn’t want the end of the world to come too quickly.
“Does that make you feel uncomfortable?” her papa asked her. She would have missed it if she wasn’t so close to him, but there was unmistakable pause in his voice as he asked. Anya wrapped her arms a little tighter around her papa and shook her head
“Papa would look beautiful,” she complimented, already thinking about the dress she saw at the boutique and her papa wearing it.
They walked up the stairs to their apartment in quiet with Anya again beginning to doze off. Loid huffed in amusement as he tucked his daughter into bed. He supposed that there was not going to be any ice cream tonight then. It was so strange being a father. The things he is expected to know and do seem like an impossibility for someone who has just learned how to walk. It was unfathomable for him to be tired after such a light stroll through town, but he supposed that it was typical for children to get tired after such things, normal children that is. He glanced over to Anya’s desk. On top it laid numerous books, pencils, and notebooks filled, among carefully crafted diagrams and equations, doodles of flowers, hearts, and scribbles along the margins. He sighed and looked away. There was no use in waking her now to get her to study. They will simply start again tomorrow.
With missions and Operation Strix still heavy in his mind, Loid retired to his own room and got ready himself for bed. He brushed his teeth, changed into his pajamas, and cleaned his pistols before going into his closet to pick out the outfit he will need for a mission the next day.
Handler had given him liberty due to his status on how to take on the next mission. While he would be the last to admit it, he enjoyed being able to have these little freedoms in choosing how to approach a mission. Being the master of disguises did mean that he did enjoy the art of crafting each and every one of his personas. He fingered through his outfits and paused. He looked around, as if someone would be able to get past his own heightened sense of awareness. Then he tapped on a button hidden within the door frame that revealed a secret extension into his closet.
The new wardrobe was filled with additional clothes and supplies that would not seem typical for Dr. Loid Forger to have but completely reasonable for Agent Twilight to need. He walked in, knowing exactly where the object he was looking for was. It was a designed-made red dress a friend he had made from a previous mission gave him. The bodice was sequenced with brilliant gemstones and flowed beautifully into a ballgown like skirt. He felt the fabric on his skin and almost got goosebumps imagining himself wearing it.
It had been almost too long since he had been able to don this particular disguise.
A part of him, a part that he thought he had long forgiven and forgotten, curled in disgust in his thoughts. How queer of him to want to wear woman’s clothing. He made a note of the thought and quickly drowned its voice with the image of Anya holding him tightly tonight and saying the kindest words anyone had told him in his lifeline.
Tomorrow’s mission is centered around getting information and befriending a high ranking official of the Ostanian government. His sources says that the target is a known bisexual woman with a preference with befriend beautiful women. He looks down at the dress again.
It would be a long time before he would have the courage to show this side of himself to his daughter, if that time ever comes before the operation is complete. However, he can take comfort that if he ever does gather the courage, he would have his daughter’s faith and love behind him.
He places the dress on the inside hanger of his closet door and calls up Franky to see if he would be available to babysit Anya all night tomorrow. He had a woman to impress after all.