Archive of Our Own

It starts, as so many things do with them, with a stupid bet.

*****

The celebration following the fall of Kaido lasts for weeks. The people of Wano have waited twenty years to reclaim their homeland, and by god are they going to enjoy seeing that finally come to light. Those who’ve lived through Kaido’s reign, those who’ve only now returned, and the allies they’ve made along the way all combine to throw the kind of party that will be talked about for decades to come.

For his part, Sanji’s right in the thick of things. His wounds from fighting Queen are mostly healed over, there’s enough food to go around that he’s finally been able to take a break, and people keep pressing bottles of booze into his hands as one of the country’s saviours. All in all, he’s having a great time.

He’s also incredibly, nay inconceivably, drunk. Forget the idea of feeling no pain, Sanji’s forgotten what the very concept of pain is, and his inhibitions fucked off for greener pastures hours, if not days ago. He is, in short, soused out of his mind and enjoying every moment of it.

“Damn, Curls. I know your tolerance is shit, but this is ridiculous even for you.”

Sanji grimaces at the sound of a voice that belongs to one of the few people who could possibly have a chance at ruining this night for him. Swaying a little unsteadily on his feet, he turns in the direction of the newcomer, raising the hand not holding a drink to jab his pointer finger into a patch of muscular chest that’s been left bare thanks to a spot where bandages and robe don’t meet.

“Not today, Mossball!” He declares, loud enough that a few heads twist to look at them before returning to their own revelling. “Not even you can ruin my good mood. I simply will not have it!”

Zoro cocks the eyebrow above his good eye, and his mouth curves up in an annoying smirk that’s soon obscured by a bottle he raises to take a heavy swig from. “You’re plastered,” he says once he’s drunk his fill. “I’m surprised you can still stand.”

Sanji very pointedly doesn’t say anything about how standing’s been difficult for a little while now. Part of the code he lives by involves never showing weakness in front of the shitty houseplant he calls a rival, and he’ll be damned if he starts now.

“I’m fine,” he says aloud, only wobbling a little when he raises his left leg until he’s standing on just one foot. “See?” He crows. “My balance is impeccable.”

“Tch!” Zoro scoffs. “I’ll bet you the rest of this bottle that you can’t stay like that for a full thirty seconds without falling over.”

“You’re on,” Sanji snaps, immediately starting a countdown before the green brute can try and back out of the deal. He starts struggling around the twenty second mark, but manages to hold on until he achieves victory.

Throwing his hands in the air, Sanji lets out a triumphant cry that nearly sees him toppling over onto his ass when he leans back too far. The only thing that saves him is Zoro’s free hand lashing out to grab him by the wrist.

“Careful, Twirls.” The swordsman says, maintaining his grip until Sanji’s got his feet securely under himself again. “Wouldn't want you falling and ruining that nice new suit of yours, now would we?”

Sniffing, Sanji brushes an imaginary speck of dust off said suit, and then holds out his hand. “My booze, Marimo!” He demands, beckoning imperiously. “To the victor go the spoils.”

“I never actually agreed to the terms, y’know.” Zoro replies, and Sanji feels a flash of rage course through him that nearly sets both his legs alight.

“It was your idea, you mannerless bastard!” He spits. “Now give me that bottle, or I’ll kick your ass.”

Chuckling, Zoro surprises him by handing over the bottle without any further fuss. “Chopper says no fighting between the two of us for at least another week,” he notes.

“Since when do you actually listen to anything Chopper says?” Sanji asks. Setting his now empty tankard down on a nearby ledge, he lowers his sleeve until he can use it as an impromptu napkin to wipe the lip of the bottle. “I can’t believe you were drinking straight from this thing, you heathen.”

“It saves time,” Zoro says, shrugging off Sanji’s very valid complaint the same way he always does. “And it’s not like I usually share.”

“Fair enough.” Feeling generous in the face of his success, Sanji’s willing to concede this point as he pours a large helping into his tankard. Then he takes a drink and smacks his lips appreciatively. “Holy shit, you found the good stuff.”

“Hiyori gave it to me,” Zoro explains. “She busted open Orochi’s private stores and is insisting that they be shared with everyone. That bottle she saved for me, though.”

“Beautiful Hiyori,” Sanji sighs. “A wonderful woman who’s excellent company is wasted on a neanderthal like you.”

Zoro shrugs again. “She didn’t seem to mind when I told her I wasn’t interested in her like that,” he says, so casually that you’d never imagine he was talking about rebuffing the affections of one of the most beautiful women alive. “She’s fine being friends.”

“Disgusting,” Sanji says then. “A literal princess throws herself at your uncultured ass, and you turn her down. Truly, there is no justice in the world.”

“Dunno about that,” Zoro says, scratching absently at the hinge of his jaw. “Kaido’s underground. Big Mom too. And everyone in Wano’s free to do as they please now. Free to eat as much as and whatever they want too.”

“Fucking Kaido,” Sanji spits, his mood souring abruptly. “Giving people a choice between tainted food or none at all while he sat in his hall stuffing his face on whatever he wanted. There’s no greater crime, Mossy, not as far as I’m concerned.”

“I know, Cook,” Zoro acknowledges with surprising gentleness. “But the people here don’t have to worry about that anymore.”

“You’re damn right they don’t!” Sanji exclaims, slapping a nearby pillar with his free hand. “So fuck Kaido! And you know what? Fuck Big Mom while we’re at it! She’s a horrible glutton who thinks she can bend people to her will and make them do whatever she wants.”

“She’s also dead,” Zoro says bluntly. “Or at least, more than likely. She can’t hurt anyone anymore either.”

“That’s good,” Sanji says quietly, the image of a three-eyed face awash with tears flashing briefly through his mind. “Because she hurt an awful lot of people.”

“Including you?” Zoro asks, his gaze shrewd.

“Nah,” Sanji says, dismissing that notion with another sip of his drink. “She terrorized her own people and kids, and left me to my bastard of a sperm donor.”

“But that’s fine,” he says, trying to flash a smile that feels forced. “Nothing new there as far as he’s concerned, and it’s not like things turned out well for him in the end. Germa’s in ruins, any chance of an alliance with the Charlottes is gone, and I remain as unwed as ever.”

“Yeah … but you never really wanted to marry her, right? Big Mom’s daughter, mean.” Zoro’s tone suggests he’s just making casual conversation, but there’s something much more insistent Sanji can’t place lurking in his sole remaining eye.

“Pudding?” Sanji says then, glaring when Zoro mouths the name mockingly. “I didn’t want to marry her, it’s true. Although, I think you could say we were friends by the end of it. But, no. I suppose it’s more the idea of what I lost than what actually happened.”

“The fuck is that supposed to mean?” Zoro asks, putting Sanji in mind of a confused bird when he tilts his head to the side and peers at him critically. “From where I’m standing, you didn’t lose jack shit.”

“Didn’t I?” Sanji asks. Spreading his arms wide, he glances throughout the surrounding area until he catches sight of Kin’emon and Tsuru huddled together on a balcony. “There,” he says, nodding at the couple. “That’s what I lost. The chance to have a partner who’d wait twenty years on the off chance I’d come back from a fool’s errand to save an entire country.”

Zoro squints in the direction of Sanji’s pointing finger and then scoffs. “Big Mom’s daughter wasn’t your only chance at love, dumbass,” he says, not even bothering to refer to Pudding by name. “You’re twenty one years old, for fuck’s sakes.”

“So?” Sanji demands. “Think about the kind of lives we lead, Mosshead. The odds of us living to a ripe old age are slim to none, which means there’s a solid chance I’m already past middle age at this point. If I don’t find someone soon, I bet I never will.”

“Now that sounds like a bet you’ll lose,” Zoro says, his eye narrowing. 

“Oh, you think so?” Sanji demands. “Well, I think the only way I’d lose is if I had some kind of guaranteed backup.”

Now Zoro just looks confused. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“A backup,” Sanji repeats. “You know. Like, when people say if both of them aren’t married by a certain age or time, then they’ll marry each other. Right?”

Zoro blinks. “That’s a thing people do?”

“Sure,” Sanji says, armed with the confidence of a man who’s read about this exact scenario in many a romance novel. “Happens all the time.”

“You’re full of shit, Cook.”

“I’m not!” Sanji sputters. “It’s a real thing! And in my case, it’s probably the only way I’m ever gonna get married.”

“If you have a backup?” Zoro says dubiously.

“Yeah,” Sanji confirms, undeterred in the face of the other man’s incredulity.

“Okay, I’ll bite,” Zoro says after a few moments of skeptical silence. “Who’s your backup gonna be then?”

“That’s the problem, I don’t have one,” Sanji explains. “No one around here wants to marry me, so unless you’re volunteering, I guess I’m doomed to spinsterhood.”

“Alright.”

“Alright, what?” Sanji asks, having promptly lost the thread of the conversation.

“Alright, I’ll be your backup,” Zoro says patiently, as if he’s explaining something to a small child. “If you’re not married in - what are we thinking - five years sound good? Then I’ll marry you.”

“Come again?” Sanji tries, certain he must have misheard. He glances down at the alcohol in his hand on the off chance it’s suddenly hitting him harder than it was before. “Could you repeat that?”

“I said,” Zoro grunts, sounding annoyed, “that if you haven’t found someone to marry you in five years then I’ll do it.”

“Marimo,” Sanji says slowly. “I feel the need to point out the obvious here, in that you don’t actually want to marry me.”

“It’s a bet, Curls,” Zoro says, suddenly refusing to meet Sanji’s eye. “Isn’t the whole point of those that you’re hoping for one specific outcome and not another?”

“I guess that’s one way of looking at it,” Sanji admits after a further moment’s consideration. “So what do you get if you win then?”

Zoro shifts then, flashing Sanji a sharp grin that’s more teeth than anything else. “Oh, I’ve got some ideas.”

*****

So. That’s how the whole mess starts. Honestly, Sanji would be half tempted to pretend he didn’t remember any of the stupid conversation - he had drunk a lot of alcohol, after all - but unfortunately he’d overlooked the fact that Usopp and Brook had been among the people celebrating in their vicinity. Even if Zoro had been willing to let him off the hook, those two never would have, and they’ve already brought the whole crew up to speed by the time the Sunny departs Wano.

“Wow, Zoro and Sanji are getting married?” Luffy asks once Usopp’s stopped laughing long enough to finish telling the story. “That’s great! We’ll get to have a huge feast.”

“You just had a huge feast, moron,” Sanji says, kicking his idiot captain in the back of the head. “And no, our resident seaweed and I are most assuredly not getting married. Now that everybody knows about the stupid bet, I’m gonna redouble my efforts to find someone else to share my life with.”

“Just so long as you don’t get it in your head to go crawling back to Pudding,” Nami says ominously. “I know how you two get when one of you is trying to win against the other.”

“Don’t worry, dearest,” Sanji says, batting his eyelashes at her. “I promise you that ship has sailed. However,” he adds with a wink, “if your lovely self would be so kind as to volunteer to rescue me from the clutches of this vile brute, I’d be ever so grateful.”

“I think I’ll pass, thanks,” she says dryly. “Also, I hope you know what you’re doing. Both of you for that matter,” she adds with a pointed glance at where Zoro’s dozing up against one of Sunny’s railings.

Or not dozing, as it happens. Upon hearing Nami’s warning, Zoro cracks his good eye open, and gives the navigator a look. “Don’t worry about it, witch,” he says finally. “I know exactly how I want this to play out.”

“Oh, I’m sure you do,” Nami replies, sounding already exasperated. “But you’d better not destroy anything on the ship when this blows up in both your faces.”

Zoro closes his eye again after she makes this declaration, and folds his arms behind his head. “Nothing’s gonna go wrong,” he says, offering up assurances. “I’ve got this in the bag.”

*****

Sanji takes a few days to get used to being back on the Sunny - between Zou, Whole Cake, and then Wano he feels like he’s hardly seen her at all for ages - and then turns his mind to the issue of his future romantic endeavours. Now that there’s so much more riding on the line, it’s clear he’s got to be smart about things and approach matters logically.

On the surface, trying to find someone among the crew sounds like the best place to start. After all, they’re the people he spends the most time with, who know him best, and the fact that they’re all travelling together means he wouldn’t have to worry about a long distance relationship.

Unfortunately, his crew mates are only good options on paper. Once you stop to examine them in detail, it’s obvious that none of them will work for various reasons.

Zoro, of course, is out by stint of being Zoro , the less said about that, the better. Likewise, Chopper’s out on the basis that he’s essentially a child, and not even a human one at that. Meanwhile, Brook and Jinbe sit firmly on the opposite end of the spectrum in that they’re far too old for him. 

Not to mention too dead in Brook’s case.

Nami, for all his earlier joking, he knows has no interest in him, or in men in general for that matter. Furthermore, she has Vivi waiting for her when all is said and done and they’ve found the One Piece. Sanji would never dream of interfering with an established relationship.

This chivalry leaves Robin out as well (and Franky, by default). Sanji will be the first person to admit that he doesn’t always understand what the beautiful and brilliant archaeologist sees in the rough and tumble cyborg, but there’s no denying that the two are disgustingly in love with each other. He’d rather cut off his own leg than get in the middle of that.

Then there’s Usopp, who’s not exactly with his beloved Kaya from what Sanji understands, but fully intends to return to her nevertheless. Add that to the fact that Sanji wouldn’t want to risk messing up their friendship, and the sniper’s off his list as well.

Lastly, there’s Luffy. His friend, his captain, the man he’s pledged to follow come hell or high water, regardless of where that takes him. Sanji does love Luffy, and he knows Luffy loves him too. The mess that had been Whole Cake Island more than proved that. However, Sanji’s also not in love with the younger man, and he doubts that the future king of the pirates would ever be able to return his feelings even if he was. That’s not how Luffy works, and while there’s certainly nothing wrong with this, it means he’s not an option either.

And that’s all of the crew accounted for. Unless somebody new both one) joins them within the five year mark, and two) falls madly in love with him during the same timeframe - neither of which he can bank on happening, let alone both - he’s going to have to set his sights further away.

Initially, he toys with the idea of reaching out to some of the friends they’ve made during their travels. He and Viola had certainly had a spark during their brief time together in Dressrosa, or maybe one of the mermaids he’d met in Ryugu would be interested.

Except Viola had a lot on her plate now, what with the fact that she’s someday going to be a queen, and while he’d adored all the mermaids he’d met, he’d be lying if he said he’d bonded with any one in particular. Honestly, the closest he’d come to a real romantic relationship since coming to the Grand Line had been Pudding, who was out for a number of reasons, and not just because he’d promised Nami he wouldn’t.

Sighing, Sanji takes a long drag from the cigarette he’s currently smoking, before realizing the thing’s reached the end of its lifespan. Flicking the butt into the ocean, he folds his arms over the Sunny’s railing and rests his head on them.

It’s going to have to be someone new, he concludes as he stares out at the ocean, the light fading around him as the sun dips lower and lower towards the horizon. He’s going to have to find someone out there in whatever’s waiting for him because there’s no one to be found where he’s already been.

But that’s alright, he tells himself, his resolve hardening. Somewhere out there is a person he can love, who’ll do the same for him in return, despite his many flaws. Be it man or woman, that doesn’t matter, he’ll stay open to all possibilities and surely, somehow he’ll find someone.

His mind made up, Sanji pushes away from the railing with a firm nod. There’s nothing he can do about starting his search until they make land again, but the second they do, he’s going to give it his best shot.

Until then, however, he has a job to do and a crew to feed. Turning on his heel, he marches in the direction of the galley, intent on getting a head start on his meal prep work, while the ship sails merrily along.

*****

They don’t hit their first island for a few weeks after Wano, and Sanji finds himself filled with a strange, nervous energy when land finally comes into sight. He hasn’t forgotten his resolution by any means, but this is the first chance he’ll have to put his words into actions, and he feels a little weird about the whole thing.

Or at least he does until he catches Zoro’s eye as they’re all about to disembark, and the stupid swordsman has the audacity to wink at him. Sanji’s got no idea if their resident patch of mildew is thinking about the bet like he is, but he’ll be damned if he resigns himself to the fate of entering into holy matrimony with a man who thinks showering is something that happens to other people. 

Sanji has standards, damnit, and Zoro doesn’t come anywhere close to meeting them.

The island where they’ve landed is a cheery autumn one with just enough bite in the air to cause a chill. Never one to shirk his responsibilities, Sanji leaves the Sunny armed with his usual grocery list, and heads for the nearest market. Once that task is accomplished, however, and all his purchases are safely stowed aboard the ship, he ponders what to do next.

Nami’d made it clear that the log pose won’t need long to set this time around, meaning that they’ll likely be on their way in the morning. Under the circumstances, he doubts he’ll have a chance to meet anyone and strike up a connection with them, but he has to at least try. The last thing he wants to do, after all, is admit defeat right out of the gate.

With that in mind, he heads for his locker to search for an ensemble fit for a night out on the town. He’d noted a number of bars dotted about the place during his earlier venture to the market, and he’d pinpointed one that appeared to be of higher quality than the rest. Determined to maintain his usual standards throughout this endeavour, he opts to start there.

The bar is decently lit when he steps through the doors a little while later, and warm in a way that wards off the encroaching chill. A handful of other patrons have gotten here before him, most of them in obvious couples and groups, so he approaches the main counter, not wanting to intrude on anyone’s evening.

A muscular red headed woman is manning the bar when he gets there. She gives him an acknowledging, if somewhat stilted nod when he settles himself down on one of the stools, but doesn’t turn away from the customer she’s already dealing with.

“Be with you in a second,” she says, her hands full as she pours a drink for the man who’d arrived before Sanji.

“Take your time,” Sanji insists, flashing her a smile that he hopes conveys his sincerity. He has no patience for anyone who’d ever be rude to a lady, but even less for someone who’d give grief to one who was working. Having spent over a decade in the service industry, he’s well aware of how taxing it can be. “I’m in no rush.”

This comment earns him a more genuine smile from the woman, one which grows when she’s finished with her current customer and sidles over to him. “Don’t think I’ve ever seen you here before,” she says, something in her eye making him think she might recognize him all the same. “What can I get for you?”

Sanji asks to see their drinks menu, and ultimately selects a red wine that he’s familiar with. He then waits quietly until the woman returns with his requested glass, hands over the necessary berries, and shifts to survey the rest of the room.

It’s slightly busier than it was when he’d first come in, but still hardly what he’d call crowded. More importantly, though, he’s not seeing anyone else who’s in here alone, a fact that will definitely throw a wrench in his plans.

He hears the sound of someone clearing their throat beside him, and when he cranes his neck around, he finds the only other patron who appears to be here by themselves. It’s the man who the barmaid had been serving upon his arrival, and the drink in his hand looks largely untouched.

“Sorry,” he says, his voice a pleasant tenor that also indicates a well educated bathroom. “Maybe it’s rude of me to ask, but are you Blackleg Sanji?”

Wanting to stall for time, Sanji takes a slow sip from his glass as he considers how best to answer that question. “That depends,” he says finally. “I think it’s only rude if I answer in the affirmative and then you try to collect my bounty.”

The man laughs, a rich, warm sound that Sanji can fully admit he enjoys. Then he holds his hands up in mock surrender, his eyes crinkling at the corners as he smiles. “I’m no bounty hunter, I promise,” he says. “And I’m certainly not a marine. I was just curious because we don’t get many famous pirates around here.”

“Well, if it helps I’m only here for the night,” Sanji replies. “My ship’s docked for the sole purpose of replenishing our supplies, and we’ll be on our way in the morning.”

“That’s a pity,” the man says next. “Our island happens to be quite nice, but it sounds like you’re hardly going to see any of it.”

Sanji shrugs, and takes another sip of his drink. “I’m afraid that’s the nature of life on the high seas,” he admits. “We don’t get much time for sitting around and relaxing.”

The man clicks his tongue disapprovingly. “What a shame,” he says with a slight shake of his head. “I’m Dara by the way. I figure it’s only fair that I offer it up since I already know yours.”

“Pleased to meet you, Dara,” Sanji says, liking the way the name rolls off his tongue. “I take it from your comments that you’re from here?”

“Born and raised,” Dara agrees. “I work in one of the local banks.”

“That’s a dangerous thing to reveal to a wanted pirate, don’t you think?” Sanji asks. “What if I used that knowledge for evil?”

Dara snorts, and even that’s somehow not unattractive. “I’m fully capable of reading between the lines about what the World Government does and doesn’t say. I’m not overly concerned about your reputation.”

“In that case, I’m even more disappointed that we won’t be here long,” Sanji says, turning to face the man full on. “That’s a refreshing outlook that we don’t run into everywhere we wind up.”

“Thank you, I try my best.” Dara says. “Now, feel free to tell me to go take a hike if you’re not interested, but are you waiting for anyone tonight? And if not, would you be opposed to grabbing a more private table?”

“I am not and I would not,” Sanji says agreeably. He nods at one of the back corners where a table for two currently sits unoccupied. “How about that one?”

Dara grins. “It’s like you read my mind.”

Pleased, Sanji nods for him to lead the way, and then trails after him to said table. He allows Dara to pick his seat first, unbothered when the man takes the one that faces the door, and drops down into the one across from him with little fuss.

The conversation flows easily, the two of them having no trouble coming up with things to talk about despite their vastly different backgrounds. At some point a serving girl wanders over to ask them if they’d like anything else, and they both request refills in an unspoken agreement that neither of them is ready to call it a night yet.

Also remaining unspoken is the possibility of where exactly one or both of them might call it a night. Sanji isn’t so stupid as to think he’s guaranteed to get anything out of this encounter, but it seems to be heading in a pleasant direction.

Content to let things play out how they choose, Sanji’s just about to make a suggestion of his own when an odd look crosses Dara’s face, and the man straightens almost imperceptibly in his seat. “Wow,” he says in response to Sanji’s questioning eyebrow. “I guess you’re not the only member of your crew who felt like a night out on the town.”

Confused, Sanji lets his observation haki flare tentatively to life, and groans when he encounters a familiar flash that’s reaching out in the same vein. “Goddamnit,” he mutters under his breath. “What’s that directionless idiot doing here? This place is too high class for the likes of him.”

“He’s coming over here,” Dara murmurs, and Sanji flaps an errant hand to show he’s heard.

“Of course he is,” Sanji sighs, turning in his seat to meet the oncoming interloper. “Alright, dumbass. What’s it going to take for you to go away and leave me alone? And you’d better not say booze money because I know full well that Nami gave you your usual allowance earlier today. If you’ve already drunk it all away, that’s your problem.”

“Evenin’, Curls.” Zoro says, resting one hand casually atop his swords and smirking at Sanji like he hadn’t heard a word he’d just said. “Who’s your friend?”

“Mossball, Dara. Dara, Mossball.” Sanji says simply. “I apologize in advance for anything he does or says, but in my defence, it’s his own fault that he’s a mannerless brute.”

“Uh, right,” Dara says, looking nervous for the first time all night. He eyes Zoro up and down briefly, but notably makes no attempt to offer his hand to shake. “Pleased to meet you.”

Zoro replies with a wolfish grin that Sanji’s more used to seeing on his face when he’s sizing up a potential challenger. “Likewise,” he says after a very deliberate pause, snapping his teeth on the second syllable. 

“Right, well, that’s introductions having been made,” Sanji says briskly, clapping his hands together to get both men’s attention back on him. “Marimo, I’m sure you’re here for a drink, and the bar is that way. Why don’t you get to it then?”

“Hm, sure,” Zoro says after a moment’s pause. “Why don’t I go do that?”

Sanji breathes a sigh of relief when he leaves with no further fanfare. “Sorry about him,” he says, watching until Zoro’s settled down on the same stool he’d been using previously, and then turning back to his companion. “He’s a harmless oaf.”

Dara eyes him askance. “I’m sorry,” he says slowly. “Did you just describe Roronoa Zoro, the Demon of the East, as harmless?”

“Spoken like someone who’s never had to strong arm him into taking a shower or eating with a fork as opposed to his hands,” Sanji says dramatically. “I know he looks like a monster, but he won’t hurt someone unless provoked.”

“I - well you’d know best,” Dara says after a moment’s pause. He eyes Zoro warily for a few more seconds, but when all the swordsman does is accept a tankard from the barmaid and take a swig from it, he visibly settles. “Fair enough.”

“Trust me,” Sanji says, his tone cajoling now as he contemplates letting one of his feet brush up against the other man’s under the table. “Give me an opportunity, and I promise I can make you forget all about him.”

Dara’s eyes darken at this. “Is that so?” He asks, and there’s no mistaking the way his interest has piqued. “You know, I can’t remember if I mentioned it or not, but one of the reasons I come to this bar is that it’s not far from my house.”

“As a matter of fact you didn’t mention that,” Sanji practically purrs. “But I have to say that sounds awfully convenient right about now. I don’t suppose you’d mind if I went to visit the restroom, and then we can be on our way?”

“Be my guest.”

Grinning, Sanji climbs out of his chair and heads to the appropriately marked door. He supposes he could have always asked Dara to use the facilities at his place once they got there, but he wants to make sure he looks good before they leave.

He takes his time in the bathroom, wanting to be sure he’s fully up to snuff, but he finds himself blinking when he exits and finds that their table is empty. Dara’s nowhere in sight, and even his coat is gone. Confused, Sanji wanders over to the bar, wondering if maybe the man had worked up the nerve to try and approach Zoro.

The green menace is still in the same spot as before, and nor does he have company. Not wanting to ask him if he knows where Dara’s gone, Sanji turns to the woman behind the bar instead.

“He figured you’d be looking for him,” she says with an apologetic smile before Sanji can so much as get a word out. “I’m afraid he got called away all of a sudden, and didn’t have time to wait for you to get back.”

“Called away?” Sanji echoes. “What in the world is that supposed to mean?”

The woman shrugs, no doubt not wanting to get caught in the middle of anything. “He didn’t say,” she admits, “but he paid both your tabs in full, and asked that I offer you his condolences. He mentioned that he enjoyed talking with you.”

“Good for him,” Sanji mutters. He’s doing his best not to be rude in front of a woman, but he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t decidedly put out at the notion of being abandoned. “You’d think he could’ve at least tried to wait around and say goodbye.”

“Some men are just like that,” she replies with the air of a woman who’s seen it all in her day.

“No doubt.” Thoroughly disgruntled, Sanji considers whether he wants to stick around for a bit or head back to the Sunny. If he’s being honest, he doesn’t think his heart is much in the mood for a chase anymore tonight.

“Oi, Cook.” As if determined to put the final nail in the coffin that contains any hope of Sanji having an enjoyable evening, Zoro’s voice suddenly rings out in a clear bid for his attention. “Where’d your buddy go?”

“None of your business kelp-for-brains,” Sanji says, shooting him a dirty look. “You just sit there quietly and keep trying to kill whatever brain cells you have left.”

Draining the last of his current tankard, Zoro gives him a smirk that immediately makes Sanji want to kick his teeth in. “Stood you up, did he?” He asks lazily. “I wouldn’t worry about it too much if I was you, he had wimp written all over him.”

“He did not stand me up, asshole,” Sanji snaps. “And what would you know about him being a wimp? You talked to him for all of thirty seconds.”

“That’s more than enough time to get a feel for whether or not someone can hold their own in a fight,” Zoro replies. “I had you pegged the second I saw you in that fancy floating restaurant of yours back east.”

“Good for you,” Sanji says, momentarily thrown by the reference to the Baratie. “But I still think you’re full of shit, Marimo.”

“Suit yourself,” Zoro says with an easy shrug. “You heading back to the Sunny now?”

Sanji pauses, remembering his recent internal debate. “Yeah, probably,” he says after a moment. “It’s not like I’ve got anything else to do tonight, now is there?”

“Y’could always stick around here with me,” Zoro says, still with that same laconic lilt in his voice. “If you’re nice, I’ll even buy you a drink and everything.”

“Like hell,” Sanji snarls, his temper flaring. For Zoro to make an offer like that means he has to really believe that Dara’s stood him up, and is therefore doing it out of pity. Sanji’d rather set his own hair on fire than put up with that. 

“I’m heading back to the ship,” he declares. “Try not to get lost when you finally decide to drag your own stupid carcass back because I won’t be coming to look for you.”

“As you say,” Zoro replies, continuing to remain infuriatingly calm. “Have a good night, Swirls.”

“Get fucked,” Sanji suggests, and stomps out of the bar.

*****

Alright, so attempt number one had been a dismal failure at best, but Sanji is undeterred. He and Dara had been having a nice time until whatever had intercepted the other man had come along, which means Sanji’s totally capable of making a good first impression. He just has to keep trying.

No further opportunities present themselves at the next two islands they visit, but on the third he strikes up a conversation with a local produce vendor named Elsie, and can immediately tell that the woman is interested. He waffles over the idea for a bit, but ultimately asks if she’d like to join him for dinner later that evening.

“Oh, I think I could be convinced,” she says, giggling sweetly as she twists a lock of honey coloured hair around one of her fingers. “I’m stuck here for a few more hours, though, and after that I’d like to head home and change into something more comfortable first.”

“You look lovely regardless, but I’d never want to get in the way of your wishes,” Sanji assures her. “I saw a nice little restaurant a few streets over, the one with the blue sign out in front. Do you know it?”

“You mean the Bluebell?” She asks, laughing when he nods. “Everyone in town knows it, it’s very nice, and luckily not too hard to get into at this time of year. Does five o’clock sound okay to you?”

“It sounds perfect,” Sanji confirms, punctuating his statement with a bow that makes her blush. “I’ll see you then.”

Elsie nods happily, and sends him on his way with a jaunty wave. Even better, since her stall was the last one he planned on visiting, he gathers up his purchases and heads for the Sunny, content in the knowledge that he’ll have ample time to prepare for tonight.

Once back on the ship, he puts the groceries away, and then prepares a few simple meals that’ll keep for the crew in case any of them are planning to start onboard tonight, as opposed to going out and enjoying the town. After that, he goes to get ready.

He bumps into Zoro just as he’s exiting the bathroom. The man has a towel slung over his shoulders and is holding his toiletry kit in one hand, indicating that he’s heading for his weekly shower, an act that Sanji is fully in favour of, and in fact wishes happened more often.

“Hey, Cook,” Zoro says, oblivious to Sanji’s current thought process. “Did you leave any hot water for the rest of us?”

Sanji bristles. “Of course I did, Mossball,” he snaps. “Even ignoring the fact that the Sunny doesn’t run out of hot water, which you very well know, I happen to have manners, asshole.”

Zoro grins at him, unperturbed. “If you say so. Anyway, I was just asking. No need to get your briefs in a bunch.”

“Eugh, I’ll thank you of all people not to bring up my unmentionables,” Sanji says, gagging in mock agony. “Go bathe, you brute. It’s bad enough I have to look at you every day, I shouldn’t have to smell you too.”

“I smell fine,” Zoro protests. “Could go a few more days easy without a wash.”

“Oh god, is that some sort of threat?” Sanji asks. “If it is, it’s working. I will pay you to go get cleaned.”

“M’ going, I’m going,” Zoro grumbles, suddenly looking more annoyed than Sanji feels the situation warrants. “But what about you?” He asks, letting his good eye flick over Sanji’s form. “You look even prissier than usual.”

“I am not prissy,” Sanji hisses. For a moment he considers starting a brawl in the hallway since Zoro has definitely earned a few kicks to the head with that one, but then he remembers he’s on a deadline and smoothes a hand over his suit jacket instead. “It just so happens that I have a date tonight, and I care about making a good first impression.”

His pointed ‘unlike you’ goes entirely unspoken, but Zoro’s resulting eye roll makes it clear that he hears it all the same.

“Riiight,” the swordsman drawls. “Well, have fun with that. If you want my advice, though, try and open your mouth as little as possible. The more you talk, the faster this poor sucker will figure out how annoying you are.”

Sanji sucks in a heavy breath and lets it out slowly, his shoulders stiffening as he’s once again forced to stomp down on the urge to start a fight right here and now. “I,” he says haughtily, “am leaving. There’s a lovely young woman waiting to have dinner with me, and I refuse to disappoint her.”

“I’m going to remember this conversation, however,” he adds icily. “So you can expect to have your ass thoroughly kicked when I get back.”

Zoro gives him another grin, this one the familiar, sharp one that always precedes a fight. “I’ll look forward to it,” he says, his steel grey eye flashing in anticipation. “Except, of course, it’ll be you who gets his ass kicked, not the other way around.”

“Good bye, Marimo.” Sanji says, turning on his heel before he loses the plot completely. As much as he’d like to put the foolish neanderthal in his place right away, it wouldn’t do for him to disappoint Elsie by showing up late and disheveled.

Telling himself he’s making the right call, he does his best to ignore the way Zoro’s teasing laugher follows him out onto the deck.

*****

As expected, Elsie proves to be a wonderful dinner companion, and they enjoy a lovely meal together at the Bluebell restaurant.

Elsie’s not a cook in her own right, although she clearly knows a thing or two based on comments she makes throughout the evening, but her knowledge is second to none when it comes to the growing and caring for produce. It turns out that she’s not just the vendor for her wares, but she’s the one behind farming them as well.

“I take pride in providing people with the best available ingredients,” she says when Sanji remarks that the items he’d bought from her were second to none when it came to quality. “I‘ve spent almost my entire life learning my trade, and I take it very seriously.”

“It shows,” Sanji assures her. “I take my trade seriously too, which means I only source the best products when it comes to feeding my crew. Yours were a cut above all the rest that I saw today.”

“Flatterer,” she says, tossing a balled up napkin at him.

Sanji laughs, enjoying the fact that they’ve been able to tease each other back and forth so easily, despite having only met a few hours earlier. The notion of striking up a connection so quickly sends a little thrill through him, such that he tosses out the idea of going for a walk together once they’ve finished and he’s paid for their meal.

“That sounds nice,” Elsie replies, agreeing easily. “There are some really nice sights along the waterfront if you’re interested. Although, I guess maybe the fact that you spend most of your time at sea means they’ll be a little boring for you.”

Naturally, Sanji falls all over himself to assure that nothing could be further from the truth. Once he’s successfully banished the embarrassed look from her face and has her laughing instead, he gallantly offers her his arm as they exit the restaurant.

“It really is too bad that you’re not going to be here long,” she says, looping her arm through his as suggested. “We get a lot of sailors through here, but not many like you, I’m afraid.”

“I do hope that’s a good thing,” Sanji says with a wink.

“Stop fishing for compliments,” she says, giving him a pointed nudge with her elbow. She’s smiling as she does it, though, so he doesn’t take the reprimand to heart. “You’re hot stuff and you know it, message received.”

“I’m not even close to being the most attractive person on this street right now,” Sanji says, nodding at the space that’s empty but for the two of them. “Not by a long shot.”

“Gee, Curls, thanks for the compliment.”

His heart leaping into his throat, Sanji spins around as best as Elsie’s grip on his arm will allow, twisting his neck this way and that until a gravelly chuckle causes him to look up. 

Momentarily forgetting his present company, Sanji snarls. “What the hell are you doing here?” He demands, glaring up at where Zoro’s sitting cross legged on a rock ledge with one elbow propped on his knee and his chin resting in the corresponding hand. 

Zoro shrugs. “Got bored on the Sunny. Went for a walk.” He says dismissively. “Now here I am.”

“Translation: you got lost again, you itinerant cactus, and now you’re making it my problem.” Shooting Elise an apologetic look, he pats her hand gently as he frees himself from her grip. “I’m terribly sorry about this, my dear he says contritely. “I’ll have him out of our hair in just a second.”

“You know him?” She asks, sounding vaguely aghast. 

“Tragically, I am, for my sins, his crew mate,” Sanji admits. “Don’t worry. I’ll have him on his way in a moment, and then we can get back to our walk.”

Elsie gives him a funny look, shifting so that he’s between her and Zoro. “He looks feral,” she says dubiously.

Her choice of words has Sanji feeling a rare spark of annoyance towards a woman, never mind the fact that he uses worse descriptors for Zoro on a regular basis. And usually to his face, at that.

“He’s fine,” he assures her. “A little … rough around the edges to be sure, but that’s all.”

Elsie flicks her eyes up towards Zoro, who has the audacity to give her a jaunty wave with his free hand. The motion causes her to frown, and she takes a step back from Sanji as well. 

“It sounds like he might need your help getting back to your ship,” she says, the excuse as blatant a one as any Sanji’s ever heard. “I wouldn’t want to get in the way of that.”

Sanji opens his mouth to try and reason with her, but it’s clear the mood is well and truly ruined. Even worse, if he’s being honest with himself, he’s pretty sure it’s soured on both sides - the way she’d uttered the word ‘feral’ is still echoing in his ears.

“Alright,” he says aloud, hoping it’s evident that he’s received her unspoken message. “Would you like me to walk you home to make sure you get back safe?”

He makes the offer because it’s the right thing to do, but he’s not surprised in the slightest when she turns him down. Instead, he’s forced to content himself with watching until she’s out of sight, after which, he whirls on Zoro with a snarl.

“You algae-coated bastard,” he barks, grateful at least to have something to take his frustrations out on. “I’m gonna kick your ass!”

Zoro blinks his good eye slowly, so slowly that it can’t be anything other than deliberate. “What’d I do?” He asks, as if he isn’t solely responsible for making Sanji’s evening implode.

Sanji bares his teeth at him, and scuffs one foot along the cobblestones until his heel catches. “I’m going to kill you,” he growls, his leg igniting all the way up to his knee as he leaps.

*****

They make a mess of the street, and wind up being politely asked to leave by the island’s authorities. The request likely would’ve been less polite if Sanji hadn’t been entirely on fire and Zoro in the operation of all three swords by the time the constabulary had arrived, but they’re both fully capable of taking a hint.

Nami chews them out after they slink back to the Sunny, giving them a righteous earful about how she’d had plans to relax at a local spa, which were now ruined thanks to their antics. Sanji grovels appropriately for her mercy, while Zoro looks indifferent at best.

Luckily, all the tasks that had needed to be completed prior to their setting sail again had already been done, and the log pose was ready to go. As annoyed as Nami is for having to depart early, at least there’s no real damage done.

Which is what Sanji tells himself as he throws himself into his work in order to keep from dwelling on his latest failed attempt at dating. He’d known Elsie for less than a day, but that’d been more than enough time to make it obvious that their lifestyles were incompatible. There’s no point in getting worked up any further.

Sadly, that’s two instances where meeting a lay person on a random island hadn’t worked, however. He’d known that was a long shot from the beginning, but it still kind of sucks to see his potential dating pool get even smaller.

He needs someone more used to a dangerous lifestyle, that much is now evident, and all the better if it’s someone who likewise spends a lot of time at sea. Additionally, whoever it is, they’re going to have to be accepting of the rest of his crew. 

All that makes for a pretty tall order, he knows, and he finds himself feeling a little despondent as he tries to picture someone who could possibly fit the bill. Sadly, he’s not left with many options when the dust settles.

He briefly considers talking to some of the others about it, in particular the ones who’ve managed to find themselves in successful relationships, but in the end he’s too embarrassed. Maybe he’ll get desperate enough once his five year window is ticking towards the end, but for now he’d like to retain some of his dignity.

Once he’s sure the worst of her rage has passed, he casually asks Nami how long it’ll be until they reach the next island. She gives him a searching look that makes him squirm, but ultimately indicates it’ll be at least another three weeks.

“Why do you ask?” She then wants to know. “Did we not load up enough supplies at the last stop?”

“Oh no, we’re fine there,” he rushes to assure her. “I was just curious is all.”

“Hmm,” she replies, her tone indicating she doesn’t entirely believe him. “If you’re sure.”

“Of course, Nami dear,” he says quickly, and then scuttles away before she can press him any further.

*****

In the end, even though they’re not near any islands at the moment, trouble still manages to find them. One minute Sanji’s busy organizing the galley, and the next he’s being summoned out on deck by the familiar sounds of Usopp and Chopper screaming.

Once outside, he hears the equally familiar sound of cannon fire, and isn’t surprised when smoke starts billowing out. “I’d ask if we were under attack,” he calls to the person closest to him, which in this case happens to be Jinbe, “but I suspect that’s a little redundant.”

“I’d say that’s fair,” the burly fishman agrees. “It looks like marines to me. And multiple ships.”

Sanji scoffs unperturbed, and takes his time lighting a fresh cigarette. His observation haki isn’t raising any serious alarms, which means none of the navy’s heavy hitters are likely to be present. While he’d never assume how a scrap is bound to go, he suspects the outcome from this one is already foretold.

He hears Luffy’s distinctive laugh ring out from near Sunny’s figurehead, and looks up just in time to see the captain slingshot himself across to the nearest enemy ship, dragging both Robin and Brook along with him. Groaning, Jinbe moves to follow.

“It’s probably a good idea for someone who can actually swim to go with them,” he mutters, sounding every inch a tired parental figure as he trudges down the steps to the main deck. “I assume you and Zoro can take care of defending the Sunny ?”

Sanji has no idea where Zoro’s gotten to at this point, and nor does he care. He’s fully capable of protecting the Sunny and whoever remains aboard her all on his own, he doesn’t need a bundle of sentient seaweed to help him.

Raising a hand in acknowledgement, he puffs idly on his cigarette as he watches Jinbe head for the other vessel, noting almost absently that Franky’s doing the same thing. By his count, that means exactly half the crew has now left the ship.

In the distance, he can see Nami at the Sunny ’s helm, barking orders at Usopp and Chopper. More concerning, however, are the marines he can see starting to scramble over to their side. Groaning irritably, he takes a running start and leaps into the fray.

At first he loses himself in the repetitive motions of the fight, ducking and dodging away from snarling soldiers as he rains down kick after kick on those who manage to get in close enough. He also hears the sound of Usopp using his slingshot nearby, and a heavier tread that suggests Chopper’s engaged one of his larger forms.

As the battle drags on, he finds himself shifting slightly away from his friends, drawing the marine’s fire onto himself rather than them. For their part, the marines don’t seem to notice what he’s doing, and he shakes his head sadly at their lack of foresight.

Surprisingly, it’s a move that almost costs him dearly. While most of the marines appear to be hapless idiots, it turns out that not all of them are - a fact he learns when a beautiful dark haired woman wearing an officer’s coat emerges out of nowhere and nearly slices his throat open.

“Blackleg Sanji,” she says coolly, deftly drawing her sword back and preparing herself to make another attempt. “Our sources say you won’t fight a woman. Is that true?”

“It’s complicated,” Sanji replies, not really wanting to get into an in-depth discussion of his personal principles under the current circumstances. “But if you don’t mind, my dear, it looks like you have a number of subordinates for me to deal with now.”

The woman expertly sidesteps his attempts to get around her, giving him a sharp grin that sends his sinuses tingling in the process as she once again positions herself in front of him. “If you think I’m not about to exploit a weakness like that,” she says. “You’ve got another thing coming.”

Sanji sighs. “Yeah, I know,” he says tiredly, risking a glance over his shoulder to make sure Nami can’t see him right now. “Sometimes I’m not always proud of it, but we can’t help how we’re made.”

“Wait, you’re serious?” The office draws back. “You’re really not going to fight me?”

“I wouldn’t dream of it, my dear,” he replies. “I’d sooner cook you dinner and otherwise treat you right.”

He’s fully expecting her to lunge at him then, which is fine. He’s perfectly capable of evading her without hurting her, and also, hopefully, of doing so without causing her too much offence. She surprises him, however. Instead of charging forward, she freezes, a furious blush blooming on her cheeks. 

“You’re a pirate,” she stutters out, her words in direct contrast to what her face is doing. “I’d sooner pass an evening away with a rabid animal!”

Sanji blinks. “I promise you, I’d be much better company. In fact, I expect I’d be better company than most of your marine buddies as well.”

“Like that’s hard,” she grumbles. “We don’t exactly hire with a certain level of class in mind.”

“Ahhh,” Sanji says, nodding his head in understanding. “It’s the same on the pirate side of things. Some of us adhere to certain standards, but so many don’t. Honestly, it’s a real travesty. You wouldn’t believe the trouble I have trying to get a date sometimes.”

His companion snorts incredulously. “What I can’t believe is that I’m even having this conversation. You’re one of the most wanted men alive right now, and yet I’m pretty sure you’re hitting on me.”

“Is it working?” Sanji asks.

“No,” she replies. “But I’m mildly concerned it might if you keep going.”

“Oi! Cook! What the fuck are you doing?!”

Sanji closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose. “And everything was going so well,” he says to no one in particular. “Forgive me, madam,” he says, opening his eyes again. “But I’m afraid I’ve just been summoned by one of those low class pirates you mentioned.”

Giving her one last apologetic look, he whirls around, and glares up at where he can now see Zoro balanced in the rigging. “Mossball!” He barks. “We have had this conversation literally more times than I can count. Would it kill you to show a few manners every now and then?”

In answer, Zoro leaps from his swaying perch, landing not far from Sanji, and heavily enough that his boots leave indentations in the deck. “Are you seriously hitting on a fucking marine?” He demands.

“Don’t swear in front of the lady,” Sanji snaps, nodding at where the officer is now watching them with a frankly bemused expression on her face. “And I never do something as base as hitting on people. It’s called flirting, Marimo. There’s a difference.”

“Not when it involves a marine there isn’t,” Zoro says, once again stressing the word. “Exactly how desperate are you to get laid?”

“Excuse me?” Sanji hisses. “My intentions are pure.”

“That’s a pity,” the marine says idly. “Because you’re honestly fairly easy on the eyes, and I haven’t had a better offer in months.”

Sanji promptly chokes on his own spit, but before he can figure out what to do with that announcement, Zoro’s beating him to the punch.

“Abso-fucking-lutely not,” the swordsman hisses, levelling Kitetsu in the marine’s direction. “I know he’s an idiot, but he can do better than the likes of you.”

“Marimo,” Sanji barks because even if the bastard’s being sort of complimentary in a roundabout way, he’s still being a jackass. “Don’t be rude!”

Zoro shoots him a scandalized look, but ultimately squares his shoulders and returns his attention to where the marine is now watching them with both eyebrows raised. “Your crew’s getting their asses handed to them,” he says stiffly. “You should probably get them out of here before things take a real turn for the worse.”

Casting a quick look over her shoulder, the marine purses her lips and sheathes her sword all in one fluid motion. “You might be right,” she says with a nod. “So as much as I’d love to stick around chatting,” and here she gives Sanji a very deliberate wink that for some reason sets Zoro snarling, “I guess I’ll be on my way.”

“Yeah, you’d better be,” Zoro snaps, glaring after her with Kitetsu and Enma still drawn as she whirls around and races across the deck. “Fucking good riddance.”

“Oh I don’t know,” Sanji mumbles, still reeling from the unexpected turn that conversation had taken. “She seemed nice enough to me.”

Zoro squints at him, the action somehow making him look even dumber than usual. “You weren’t seriously interested in her, were you?” He asks. “She’s a marine, Cook. That makes her the enemy.”

“Some marines aren’t so bad,” Sanji points out. “You and Tashigi are basically friends at this point, and Luffy loves Smoker.”

“Tashigi and I are not friends, and Luffy can love Smoker as much as he wants, the feelings are not reciprocated. God, Curls.” Zoro sighs, and slides both his swords back into place on his belt. “What the fuck is with you lately?”

Sanji bristles. “Is it so wrong that I’m interested in trying to make a connection with another person?” He demands. “It’s not like I have a lot of options on our ship.”

Zoro’s face does something Sanji’s never seen before, and he’s half tempted to ask the other man if he’s feeling alright. Then whatever it is passes, and he narrows his good eye dramatically. “There’s still got to be someone better than a marine,” he says, apparently having found a refrain he likes and sticking to it.

Not wanting to get into it any further, Sanji grunts to show his acknowledgement, and then turns to stalk back to the rest of their crew.

*****

As much as it pains Sanji to admit it, Zoro might have a point about the whole marine thing. Obviously, those tasked with upholding the law could only be star crossed lovers at best for him, given his position as a wanted pirate and all, so it’s not like that’s a real area he should consider looking in.

Sighing, he mentally crosses another possibility off the list and stares morosely into the soup pot in front of him.

“Uh, you okay, Sanji?”

“Hmm?” He asks. Twisting his neck slightly, he does his best to glance at Usopp where he’s sitting at the counter, sketching out some potential improvements for his kabuto. “Sorry, what was that?”

“I asked if you were okay,” the sniper admits with a slightly worried grin. “Just, that’s like the sixth time you’ve signed dramatically since I’ve been in here. Usually it’s only about half that much.”

Sanji does his best to give the other man a good stink eye, but even he can admit his heart’s not really in it. “I’m not dramatic,” he grumbles.

Usopp does him the courtesy of not calling him out on this blatant lie. “Alright,” he says simply. “But it still kinda sounds like something’s bothering you.”

Inwardly, Sanji takes a moment to weigh the potential for embarrassment against the benefit brought on by the chance that Usopp might actually be able to help him. Deciding that the means justify the ends in this one, he shrugs. “It’s about the stupid bet.”

Usopp’s grin gets a little bigger. “You’re going to have to be a little more specific,” he chuckles. “People are always making stupid bets around here.”

“Fair enough,” Sanji concedes. “In this case I’m talking about the one Zoro and I made in Wano. You know, the one where he lost his mind and said he’d marry me if I didn’t find someone in five years?”

“I’m familiar with it, yes.” Usopp replies, his eyes sparkling.

“Right,” Sanji says stiffly. “Well, anyway. I told myself that I needed to take it seriously, given the possibility that awaits me in the future. I decided I was going to be more serious about the whole - you know - dating idea.”

“Makes sense,” Usopp agrees after a moment. “So what’s the problem?”

“The problem is that I’m zero for three when it comes to potential matchups, and it’s making me realize exactly how small the dating pool is for people like us.” Sighing again, Sanji gives the neglected pot in front of him a half hearted stir. “I guess I’m just feeling discouraged.”

“I mean,” he adds. “I know it’s silly, but this would be so much easier if the perfect match was here on the Sunny.”

Usopp suddenly develops an inexplicable hunted look and starts squirming in his seat. “Well,” he squeaks. “Never say never, right?”

“Please,” Sanji scoffs. “I’ve gone over all the parameters in my head, and unless you’re willing to throw Kaya over for me - an act that will see me kick your ass by the way - there’s no one onboard who’d come close to being a decent fit. Likewise, anyone we meet on an island is out because we just don’t stay on them long enough to make a connection.”

“And the less said about the marines the better,” Usopp finishes for him.

“Fucking Marimo,” Sanji grunts. “I still need to kick his ass for telling everyone about this.”

“In this instance I’m afraid he was in the right,” Usopp says dryly.

“Ugh.”

“Yeah yeah,” his friend replies. “At least now I’m kind of understanding how that whole mess came about, though. You’re really messed up about this whole thing, aren’t you?”

“It’s just - ” Sanji bites his lip, embarrassed by what he’s about to admit. “I wasn’t expecting for this to throw it in my face, exactly how unlikely it is that I’m ever going to find someone who likes me for me, is all. Our lifestyle means the odds aren’t really in my favour.”

Usopp’s quiet for a bit before responding. “I mean,” he says slowly. “I guess your best option is to try and find someone with a similar lifestyle.”

Sanji snorts weakly at this. “Because that’s so likely to happen,” he mumbles. “The world is just full of people out there with similar experiences.”

“Maybe not for all the things you’ve experienced,” Usopp agrees, “but I don’t think any couples can say that. You just have to find someone who’s lead a crazy enough life that the stuff we get into doesn’t sound so bad.”

Sanji stares at him. “So, what I’m hearing is, you’re saying I need to date a lunatic.”

Much to his surprise, Usopp answers him with a simple shrug and a faint grin. “It’d probably be a good starting point,” he says.

*****

Sanji takes some time to ponder Usopp’s advice, and is vaguely concerned to find that he doesn’t entirely hate it. The fact of the matter is that it takes a special kind of person to enjoy the kind of life he’s chosen, and only those who’re on a similar path have a hope in hell of understanding him on the sort of personal level he’s looking for.

He needs a fellow pirate, it dawns on him, and he could kick himself for not realizing this sooner.

He tells Usopp as much as they’re finally drawing up on a new island. The sniper’s become something of an unwilling confidant in the few days since their last conversation, so he figures if anyone can tell him if he’s being ridiculous, it’s him.

“It makes sense, doesn’t it?” He says after he’s finished explaining his reasoning. “Like you said, I need someone who’s going to have similar experiences, and the only people who fit that bill for a pirate sailing on the Grand Line are other pirates sailing on the Grand Line.”

“I mean … you’re at least halfway there,” Usopp says, sounding tired for some reason. “Frankly, I was hoping you’d go a little further, but this is progress.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Sanji wants to know.

“Nothing,” Usopp replies with a wave of his hand. “Or at least not anything you’re ready to hear yet,” he adds, equally nonsensically. “Now, dare I ask what you’re going to do with this newfound information?”

Sanji grins at him, an act that makes the younger man frown worriedly. “Nami says the island we’re coming up on is a big one with a lot of port cities. Where you find those, you usually find a corresponding number of pirates. The log pose is going to take almost a week to set, so I’m going to hit up some taverns. Only instead of mingling with the locals this time, I’m going to aim for something a little seedier.”

“Because that’s a great way to describe a potential life partner,” Usopp says dryly. “Seedy. Sounds awesome.”

“I mean, obviously I’m not going to settle for just anyone,” Sanji assures him. “I’m going to look for someone who’s a cut above the rest, preferably with a bounty similar to mine, who can hold their own in a fight. Luckily, anyone who’s made it this far into the New World should be at least worth taking a glance at.”

“The Beast Pirates made it this far,” Usopp counters. “And I can’t see you dating any of them.”

“I don’t know,” Sanji replies, determined to take an honest shot at making this plan work, “some of their higher ranking folks might’ve been worth looking at if they were working for somebody else.”

Usopp frowns again, before ultimately letting out an explosive sigh. “This,” he says raggedly, “is not going to go well.”

*****

“This,” Sanji finds himself saying a few hours later, “is perfect.”

“Oh, I don’t believe this,” Usopp says next to him.

“Huh?” Zoro asks from further behind them, quickly followed by, “Oh. Law’s here.”

“Torao?!” Luffy exclaims, bouncing down from his spot at the figurehead. “Zoro, did you say Torao’s here?”

Nodding, Zoro points a finger at where an ever-recognizable yellow submarine is bobbing along next to a nearby wharf. “Unless you know anybody else with a ship like that.”

Luffy makes a triumphant crowing noise. “This is great,” he says, grinning from ear to ear as he adjusts his hat on his head. “We haven’t seen Torao in forever.”

“I think the argument could be made that we only just got rid of him, actually,” Usopp says weakly. “Honestly, he’s probably sick of us after Punk Hazard and Dressrosa and Zou and Wano and …”

The rest of them stare at him until he’s finished rhyming off all the many, many places they’ve had accidental adventures with Law. For their parts, Zoro and Luffy mainly look confused, but Sanji’s mind is busy running several steps ahead of them.

“We should go say hi,” he says, shrugging when everyone shifts their gazes to him. “Once we’ve docked and had a chance to get settled in, I mean. We’re going to be here for a while, so it’d be rude not to after all we’ve been through together.”

“Yeah!” Luffy exclaims, pumping a fist in the air. “We should definitely do that.”

Then, without waiting for anyone to say anything further, the captain takes a running start, and flings himself over the Sunny’s railing. Thankfully, they’re close enough to the wharf already that he doesn’t wind up in the water, and the sound of his footsteps slapping against wood echoes through the air.

“Crazy, shitty captain,” Sanji mutters, although inwardly he’s glad that an opportunity has presented itself so quickly. Spitting out the last of the cigarette he’s been smoking, he moves to scramble over the railing as well. “You two help the others. I’ll go make sure Luffy doesn’t finally annoy Law into killing him.”

Zoro opens his mouth to say something, but stops when Usopp slaps a hand on his chest, trying futilely to push him back a step or two.

“That’s a great idea, Sanji,” the long nosed man says, looking a little wild around the eyes. “As it happens, I just remembered there’s something I need to ask the big guy here about, so if you’re cool with being on Luffy duty for a little while, it’d be super helpful.”

And with that said, he grabs Zoro by the sleeve and begins dragging him out of earshot, the swordsman looking confused and mildly annoyed the entire time.

Sanji watches them go with a bit of befuddlement of his own, but then shrugs, ultimately deciding it’s not his business. Hell, knowing this crew, he’s probably better off not pressing, as whatever he finds out will likely just make his head hurt.

His mind made up, he pulls a fresh cigarette free from his pack, lighting it up and taking a puff as he ambles along the wharf. He can see the Polar Tang getting larger as he approaches, and it’s not long before he hears the sounds of constrained exasperation that typically signal Luffy’s arrival.

“ - swear, if you don’t let me go immediately, I will not be held responsible for my actions.”

Law’s not usually much for yelling - at least, not in comparison to most of the people he regularly associates with - but Sanji can hear the urge rising in his voice, a fact that becomes completely understandable when he comes around the side of the Tang and catches a glimpse of the two captains.

Luffy’s perched atop his fellow supernova. He has his chin resting on the older man’s head, nestled in Law’s dark hair after having clearly knocked his usual fluffy, white hat to the ground, while his arms are around Law’s shoulders, and his legs are twisted multiple times around Law’s torso.

“But Torao,” Luffy’s saying now, or whining really. “We haven’t seen you for so long.”

“You saw me all of a month ago,” Law grits out, his grip on his sword noticeably tightening, despite the fact that Luffy’s hold makes it impossible to for him unsheath the thing. “Given how long you were stuck with me on your ship, I figure most people would want a longer break than that.”

Taking another drag from his cigarette, Sanji clicks his tongue in disapproval. “One would think you’d know him better than that, Trafalgar,” he says, coming to a stop not far from the two men. “Luffy’s always happy to see his friends.”

“We’re not … ugh, fine.” Law sighs, unable to force the lie out past his lips. “We’re friends, but that certainly doesn’t mean it’s been so long since we’ve seen each other that this kind of greeting is warranted. Get off, Strawhat.”

“No,” Luffy says happily, an act that makes Law’s tanned skin flush with irritation. “Not until you tell me that you missed me too.”

“I would literally rather die,” Law says flatly, which is a frankly alarming statement given his track record. “But in this instance, not without taking you with me first.”

“He’s just going to see that as a challenge,” Sanji points out, well versed in the art of Luffy wrangling at this point. “You know this, Law.”

Law makes a disgruntled face that puts Sanji in mind of a soaked cat. “Fine,” he hisses a second time. “It is … good to see you, Strawhat,” he says, speaking through clenched teeth. “Now get the fuck off of me, or I’ll room you into the ocean.”

Luffy pouts. “You’re still not admitting you missed me.”

Law’s face turns an alarming shade of red, and Sanji figures it’s time to step in before he makes good on his threat. 

“I think that’s as good as you’re going to get, Luffy,” he says firmly. “So why don’t you let poor Torao go? And before you answer that, be aware that I’m going to give serious thought to putting you on a vegetarian diet if you don’t.”

“Aww, Sanji.” Grumbling, Luffy nevertheless takes the threat seriously, and begins unwinding himself from around Law’s body. Eventually, his flip flops hit the wood of the wharf, and then he’s standing on his own two feet. “Better?” He asks.

“Somewhat,” Law says stiffly, although Sanji thinks he can detect just a hint of fondness lurking in his voice.

Luffy must hear it too because he grins widely. “Shishishi, you’re so funny, Torao.”

“Said no one ever,” Law deadpans. “What are you people even doing here?”

“Probably the same thing you are,” Sanji says. “Getting out to see the sights while the log pose resets. Where’s the rest of your crew?”

“They’re already long gone,” Law replies. “Off to see the sights this island has to offer, while no doubt getting into trouble along the way. I had a few things to take care of onboard, though, so I was a little later in leaving.”

“You need to get out more, Torao,” Luffy says solemnly. “And spend more time with your friends.”

“Why does that sound like a threat?” Law wants to know.

“Because in his case it could be considered one,” Sanji acknowledges. “Depending on the circumstances, anyway. Hey, Luffy,” he adds, wracking his brain for something he can use to get his captain to clear out for a bit, “I think Usopp and Zoro were making plans to go explore, and knowing those two they’ll find plenty of trouble to get into. Why don’t you go find them?”

His eyes lighting up at the prospect of mayhem, Luffy’s grin gets impossibly bigger. “Sure,” he says happily, “but only if Torao promises to come too.”

“Absolutely not - !” Law starts, but Sanji calms him with a raised hand.

“I was actually hoping to borrow Torao for a little while,” he says, earning himself a surprised blink from the man in question. “Go track down the others, and we’ll see you later, okay?”

“Fine,” Luffy huffs. “But you’d better not be too long. See you soon, Torao!” And with those words plus a wave, the younger man goes trotting off down the wharf, his flip flops slapping against the wooden boards as he walks.

“I see he’s fully recovered from the events in Wano,” Law says dryly. “Not that I expected anything else, of course. I’ve given up trying to predict the future where that one’s concerned.”

“You’re a wise man, Trafalgar,” Sanji replies. Bending down, he scoops Law’s hat up off the dock, taking a moment to brush any potential dirt off the white fabric before handing it back. “Here you go.”

“Thanks,” Law says, taking it. He inspects it critically for a moment, before settling it atop his inky black curls. Sanji’s never noticed it until now, but the man’s hair looks remarkably soft.

“So,” Law says, thankfully oblivious to Sanji’s internal monologue. “What was it you wanted to talk to me about? Fair warning, if it’s something medical that you’re too embarrassed to tell your own ship’s doctor about, I reserve the right to mock you from now until eternity.”

“Hmm? Oh. Oh! No, it’s nothing like that.” Clueing in belatedly to what Law’s insinuating, Sanji’s now forced to reckon with the fact that he hasn’t exactly thought this plan through. He stares at the other captain for perhaps a moment longer than necessary, trying to kickstart his brain into working properly. Finally, he just gives a mental ‘to hell with it’.

“Would you like to go grab a drink?”

*****

Truth be told, Sanji’s not expecting Law to say yes. The request to go for a drink had come out of his mouth awkward and choppy, leaving him feeling like a stuttering pre-teen rather than the actual adult he is. Surprisingly, however, Law agrees with startling ease.

That’s how they find themselves sitting across from each other in a tavern that’s more upscale than not. They’ve commandeered a secluded table near the back, and are each nursing a drink while they wait for their food to arrive.

For his part, Sanji’s having a hard time coming up with things to talk about. Although they’ve been through a number of harrowing experiences together, he and Law aren’t exactly what one might call close. Aside from the fact that they both hail from the North Blue (a topic Sanji refuses to touch for obvious reasons), the main thing they have in common is Luffy.

Still, he’s got to do something. If he doesn’t smarten up he’s looking at the very real possibility of having to enter into holy matrimony with a piece of heavily armed seaweed. Surely Law is a better option than that?

His mind made up, Sanji tentatively asks the other pirate what he’s been up to since they’d parted ways in Wano, figuring that, if nothing else, a good adventure story can always get the conversation flowing.

Unfortunately, Law’s answer to his question can essentially be summed up as ‘not much’. He indicates that most of he and his crew’s time has been occupied with convalescing and getting the Polar Tang back up to snuff. They’ve also seen a few new islands, but so far nothing to write home about.

“We’re pretty much the same,” Sanji admits, not wanting to note how the most exciting thing to happen to him lately has been a slew of failed dates. “Though I suppose I shouldn’t be complaining about getting some down time. There’s not much of that available in the New World.”

“I’ll drink to that,” Law says, suiting action to words and toasting Sanji with his glass. “Honestly, I’m surprised I haven’t seen you lot in the news recently. I was under the impression you’d permanently taken up residence on the front page.”

“I hope not,” Sanji mutters, well aware that his last foray into the news had been his second bounty poster with the name ‘Vinsmoke’ attached. “We’ve got enough on our plate these days.”

“With your crew, that doesn’t surprise me,” Law says dryly. “Even if one were to ignore Strawhat for the time being, it’s not like the rest of you aren’t just as likely to make headlines. Take Roronoa-ya for example. That one’s only sane looking if he’s standing next to your captain, and even then it’s merely by a hair.”

“There’s more to Zoro than people think,” Sanji says stiffly, surprised at the flicker of annoyance that shoots through him at Law’s words. “He’s not just some wild animal.”

“I never said he was,” Law replies, both his dark brows rising slightly. “Roronoa is an extremely competent and dangerous fighter, but his precision and control are second to none, to say nothing of his stamina. I watched that man take a combined hit from a pair of Emperors and somehow live to tell the tale. I’m a skilled swordsman in my own right, but even I’d think twice about tangling with him.”

Sanji’s pretty sure that’s the most words he’s ever heard Law say in a single sitting, and now his stomach is clenching for an entirely different reason. Law’s not the type of guy to be effusive in his praise at the best of times, so to hear him sound that way about Zoro is … concerning. Yet, what comes out of his own mouth next is somehow even more surprising.

“I wasn’t only talking about his talents on the battlefield,” he hears himself say. “There’s more to him entirely.”

“I mean, he’s obnoxious, don’t get me wrong,” he adds defensively when Law’s eyebrows arch even higher. “But that’s only a small part of the whole package. He’s protective, and loyal to a fault. He’s also leagues smarter than most people give him credit for, he’s just quiet about it. Like - did you know he’s freakishly good at math?”

“He’s as good with numbers as he is bad with directions,” Sanji explains after Law shakes his head to acknowledge that no, he did not know this. “People think Nami brings him with her when she’s haggling over prices because he’ll intimidate whoever she’s dealing with, but it’s as much because he can track the whole exchange in his head and know right away if the other person’s trying to pull a fast one.”

“That’s a … useful skill,” Law says diplomatically. “I wasn’t aware.”

“Zoro’s got plenty of skills that go beyond fighting,” Sanji confirms. “And he’s not above getting his hands dirty doing the scut work around the ship, or humoring some of the others when they have sillier notions. You should see how good he is with Chopper.”

“I have,” Law notes. “I’ve spent considerable time sailing on your ship, remember?”

“Right,” Sanji mumbles, feeling suddenly embarrassed. He can’t believe he’s gone off on such a tangent about another man during a potential date. Talk about sending mixed signals. He’s lucky Law hasn’t gotten up and left. “Sorry. I just …”

“Have a lot to say about your crew mate, apparently.” Law concludes when Sanji trails off helplessly. “Not that I blame you, of course. Although, I can’t help but notice that you failed to point out some of Roronoa’s more … impressive attributes.”

“Huh?” Sanji asks, confused.

Smirking, Law reclines back in his seat, fiddling with the edge of his glass with the long, tattooed fingers of one hand. “Oh, come on,” he says, chuckling lightly. “You’ve noticed everything else about the man, it seems. Surely you haven’t missed his more physical traits.”

The table rattles when Sanji jolts and accidentally catches it with his knee. “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he hisses, rubbing frantically at his leg to try and distract from the way he can feel his face burning. “As if I’d ever pay attention to anything of the sort where Zoro is concerned.”

“Your loss,” Law replies, now taking a pointed sip of his drink.

Sanji blinks, his hand stilling. “Wait,” he starts slowly, “are you saying you - ?”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Law snorts. “While I might be willing to try if given the opportunity, it’s not like he’d ever pay any attention to me. That one’s the very definition of dedicated.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Sanji wants to know.

“Oh, nothing, I suppose,” the other pirate replies without so much as batting an eye. “But I’m going to need you to do me a favor and let me know how he reacts to my coming out here with you tonight.”

Sanji frowns. “Did you agree to come just to try and make him jealous?” He asks, flushing when Law openly laughs in his face.

“I came because I was intrigued and wanted to see what you were up to,” Law replies, still chuckling. “But, as I suspected, I don’t think it’s really me you’re interested in.”

“It sounds like I could say the same thing about you.” Sanji replies grumpily. Although, if he’s being honest, he’s not overly upset. Asking Law out had been a spur of the moment thing because the other man fit the image he’d laid out for himself in his head. Truth be told, however, he has no genuine attraction to him.

Law salutes him with his glass in a little ‘touché’ kind of gesture, but continues to look unrepentant. “If I were feeling especially mean,” he says slowly, “I might see fit to point out how you’ve talked more about Roronoa tonight than you have anything else.”

“Lucky for you I’m in a forgiving mood,” he adds slyly, grinning when Sanji groans.

*****

Sanji returns to the Sunny feeling decidedly out of sorts. For the first time since he’d started this crazy thing, he’d finally managed to have an outing that Zoro didn’t interrupt, only to perform an act of self-sabotage so stunning he’s surprised he hadn’t melted into the floor due to sheer embarrassment. And then Law had proceeded to take the conversation in such an unexpected direction that now he doesn’t know if he’s coming or going. It’s a lot to handle, to say the least.

The ship’s quiet by the time he gets back, most of the crew having evidently already turned in for the night. Only the light emanating from the windows in the crow’s nest serves to indicate that there’s anyone still awake onboard.

Feeling restless, Sanji’s about to head for the galley - figuring he can always find something to distract himself with in there - when the image of today’s duty roster flits through his mind. Said images gives him a stark reminder of the watch schedule, and he finds himself turning towards the mast instead.

He’s about halfway through the climb up when the sound of rhythmic clanking reaches his ears. Not long after that he starts hearing quiet grunts, and isn’t surprised at all to find Zoro steadily lifting one of his oversized weights when he finally shoves his way through the hatch.

If Zoro’s surprised to see him, he does a good job of keeping it to himself. “You’re back early,” he says without breaking stride. “How was Law?”

“About the same as ever,” Sanji replies. Likewise wanting to appear unaffected, he makes a show of sauntering over to one of the padded seats that line the room, lighting a fresh cigarette as he settles down with one leg folded nearly over the other.

“Did you need something?” Zoro asks, still keeping up his repetitions.

Sanji takes a drag from his cigarette, and then exhales a heavy plume of smoke. He hasn’t quite figured out what he’s doing up here yet, and he needs every second he can get to wrestle his thoughts into some semblance of order.

“Law wants to sleep with you,” he says, wincing at his poor choice of wording when Zoro nearly drops the weight he’s holding. “Or, well, I get the sense it’s more that he’d be down if you asked, but he’s hardly pining away either.”

“What the hell, Curls?” Zoro complains. Giving Sanji a dirty look, he shuffles over to stow the weight back on its appropriate rack, and then reaches for a towel to wipe up some of the accumulated sweat. “Why are you telling me this?”

Sanji shrugs, not really sure of the answer himself. “I figured maybe one of us should be able to enjoy themselves tonight? I certainly wasn’t able to hold his attention.”

“Good.” Zoro grunts, his face colouring the moment the words left his mouth. “I mean - never mind.”

“So would you be interested then?” Sanji wonders, disturbed by the way the notion sets something twisting unpleasantly in his gut. “He didn’t think you would be, but I’m pretty sure he’s back on the Polar Tang by now if you want to go find him.”

“What?” Zoro blinks. “I’m not doing that. That’s stupid.”

“Why’s it stupid?” Sanji asks. “You just said you’re happy I struck out with him, and I’m not that upset about it. Go have some fun.”

Zoro develops a distinctly cagey expression. “I’m on watch,” he says evasively.

“So I’ll cover you.” Sanji sighs, figuring he may as well be magnanimous since he doubts he’s going to get much sleep tonight. “You can make it up to me later.”

“Do you even hear yourself?” Zoro demands, actively gaping now. “I’m not gonna go hook up with Law - if he’s even interested - just because you didn’t get anywhere with him. That’s - thats fuckin’ weird, Curls.”

“Is it?” Sanji frowns, considering the issue. “Maybe a little,” he finally concedes. “But look at it this way. We made a bet that we’d get married in five years if we were both still single, right?”

“Right …” Zoro agrees, sounding like he’s waiting for the other shoe to drop. “I was there. So what?”

“So nothing about that says it has to be me who gets married to win,” Sanji declares. “It could just as easily be you who gets hitched, and given the absolute train wreck I’ve been making of things, I’m going to suggest you start putting some effort in on your end. Otherwise, you’re probably going to get stuck marrying me.”

“Uh, yeah,” Zoro retorts, crossing his arms over his chest. “That’s kind of the whole point.”

For a moment the room descends into silence, but only for a moment. Not long after that a raucous coughing noise rings out when Sanji accidentally inhales his cigarette.

“For fuck’s sake,” Zoro mutters as Sanji manages to spit the offending item out, hacking and wheezing all the while. “Why do you always have to be so dramatic?”

His eyes watering, Sanji holds up a furious finger to silence him, so he can concentrate on stamping the smoke out with his heel in order to avoid setting the whole place alight. Then he thumps himself on the chest a few times for good measure, and looks up.

“What did you just say?” He asks, proud of the way he only slightly sounds like he’s gasping for air. “Marimo, I think I might be suffering from some kind of ear injury because I could have sworn that you just - that you implied, I mean -?”

“We made a bet,” he says when Zoro remains silent. “I said I wouldn’t manage to find someone to marry me in five years, and you said I would.”

“No,” Zoro disagrees. “You said you’d try to find someone to marry you in five years. I said I’d stop you.”

“Excuse me?!” Sanji shrills. “I assure you, swords-for-brains, I wasn’t that drunk in Wano. You said nothing of the sort!”

“Okay, fine, I didn’t,” Zoro admits after a moment’s pause. “But technically I didn’t say anything else, either, so that’s the deal I was agreeing to.”

“But if you stop me, the deal is that you marry me,” Sanji sputters. 

Zoro shrugs. “Again. Kinda the whole point.”

Sanji blinks. “I need to sit down.” He decides.

Now Zoro snorts. “Dumbass, you are sitting down.”

“Oh. Right.” Leaning forward, Sanji notes that this assertion is, indeed, correct, and he’s still sitting on the same bench as before. “Well, then I need something else.”

“There’s some wine in one of the cupboards there.” Zoro says, pointing helpfully.

No doubt stolen from Sanji’s own stock, he thinks hysterically, finding an odd sort of comfort in this typical behavior. “That’s not what I meant,” he says, running a ragged hand through his hair. “And how many times do I have to tell you to keep your filthy paws off my galley?”

“Eh,” Zoro replies, clearly unbothered. “As many as you like, I guess. Do you need me to go so you can freak out properly?”

Sanji muffles a groan behind his hands, but quickly holds them up in a pausing gesture. “Alright, time-out. I need a minute to work through this, and you’re going to stay right where you are while I do that. Is that clear?”

Zoro makes a disgruntled face, but nevertheless nods to show his acquiescence.

“Good.” Sanji says flatly. For a second he considers pulling out another cigarette, but in the end opts against it. “So. Let me see if I’ve got this straight. I said I’d marry you in five years if no one else came along, and instead of being opposed to this, you apparently responded with ‘challenge accepted’, but neglected to tell me as such. Is that right?”

“Pretty much.”

“Fucking hell, why?” Sanji demands. “What on earth possessed you to do that?”

Zoro gives him an incredulous look. “You cannot actually be that dense, Twirls.”

And the thing of it is, Sanji isn’t actually that dense. In fact, what he is is someone who’s taking Zoro’s shocking willingness to ever enter into this stupid bet in the first place, combining it with every time he’s conveniently showed up to ruin Sanji’s dates, and rearranging all this information into a vastly different picture than the one he’d had before.

“Marimo,” he says slowly. “You’ve been cheating.”

“The hell I have,” Zoro glares at him. “It’s not my fault you didn’t bother to clarify the terms of the bet before we started. I’ve been doing exactly what I agreed to.”

Except he hadn’t, not entirely anyway, Sanji realizes. “Then why didn’t you try to fuck things up with Law tonight?” He asks. “What - you never thought I stood a chance there?”

“Don’t be stupid,” Zoro scoffs. “Usopp said he thought you might like him for real, and I wasn’t gonna get in the way of that. I’d have sat back on any of the others too if I thought they were what you actually wanted.”

Sanji’s pretty sure he’s getting whiplash from this conversation. Sighing, he climbs to his feet and crosses the room until they’re standing at eye level. “No more dancing in circles, Mossy. What do you actually want from me?”

“Only whatever you’re willing to give,” Zoro replies promptly. “Even if I’d managed to win the bet, I wouldn’t have held you to anything you didn’t want.”

“As much of a relief as that is, it doesn’t entirely answer my question.” Shoving his way even further into Zoro’s personal space, Sanji eyes him warily. “What do you want?”

Zoro goes quiet for a bit, but in a way that Sanji can tell means he’s genuinely thinking about his response before he provides it. “Give me a shot,” he says finally. “Let me take you to dinner or some other fancy ass thing you’d like to do, and let’s see how it plays out. If you hate it, fine, but if you don’t … ” He trails off with a pointed shrug.

Sanji chews absently on the corner of his bottom lip as he considers the offer. “You realize you could have just said that in the first place, don’t you? Back in Wano, I mean.”

“And miss watching you make a fool of yourself for the past few weeks?” Zoro snickers. “Curls, please.”

“Jackass,” Sanji says, albeit without any real heat. “But alright, fine. We can do dinner. Hell, if you play your cards right, I might even let you take me for a long walk on the beach afterwards. Maybe do a little walking arm in arm and everything.”

“Damn,” Zoro drawls. “Look at you putting out on the first date.”

“Very funny,” Sanji retorts. “We’re taking this slow, or not at all.”

“Kidding,” Zoro says, raising his arms placatingly. “Honestly, that sounds great to me. Definitely more than I figured I’d get.”

“I’m not - I’m not looking to fuck with your feelings,” Sanji then says seriously because it’s readily apparent that Zoro’s already in this much deeper than he is. “But I can’t promise you anything either. There’s no guarantee this will work. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m not great at relationships.”

Zoro rolls his eye. “How would you even know?” He asks. “All you’ve been doing is going on one-off dates with random strangers, if you even get that far.”

“Well, alright yes,” Sanji concedes. “But it’s not like I had any other options. Or, I guess I should say I didn’t know I had any other options.”

“Shoulda asked then.”

“Maybe,” Sanji says, but deep down he’s not sure that would have been enough. All the crashing and burning he’s done lately has helped open his eyes to what he’s looking for in a relationship, what he’s looking for in a partner. Without that, he’s not positive he’d have been ready to consider what he’s just agreed to.

Taking a deep breath, he steps a little closer into Zoro’s personal space, close enough that he can almost feel the heat radiating off the other man. “So, when were you thinking we should try this fabled dinner? Tomorrow?”

Zoro’s eye narrows slightly, likely in recognition of Sanji’s approach, but he makes no move to pull away. “Sounds good to me. I saw a few places that looked nice when I was out earlier.”

“Me too,” Sanji agrees. “Some of them were even near the beach.”

This time Zoro doesn’t so much as blink. “I’ll take you to the beach, Cook. I’ll take you wherever the hell you want to go.”

“Oh no, my dear Moss,” Sanji says, reaching out and chucking him lightly under the chin. “I will take us wherever I want to go because if I let you lead, we’ll get there sometime next month. I’m not letting my evening be derailed by your terrible sense of direction.”

“Oi - ” Zoro starts, his voice raised in obvious complaint. He stops, however, when Sanji shifts his fingers slightly, moving to run his thumb along the swordsman’s bottom lip.

“My, that’s rather flattering,” Sanji murmurs, feeling a slight thrill go up his spine with the gratifying way Zoro’s breath hitches. “You’re serious about this, aren’t you?”

“Mhm,” Zoro replies, nipping at Sanji’s thumb when he doesn’t pull it away fast enough. “And you’re teasing.”

“Not teasing,” Sanji corrects. “Just … trying to get over my own surprise, I suppose.”

“But,” he adds briskly, giving Zoro a quick pat on the chest and then moving to pull away. “I should let you get back to work. I wouldn’t want you getting distracted from your watch duties.”

Zoro’s hand lashes out to catch him by the wrist before he manages to shuffle out of reach. He then uses said grip to reel Sanji back in until they’re pressed together chest to chest, their mouths barely an inch apart.

“Now who’s teasing?” Sanji gasps, wondering if Zoro can feel the way his heart rate has just picked up. 

“Not me,” Zoro murmurs, somehow managing to lean in even closer. “I’d never do something like that.”

“Liar,” Sanji says, but he can’t resist pressing a quick kiss to the corner of the swordsman’s mouth. “That’s all you’re getting tonight, and if you want anything else you’d better put on a good showing tomorrow.”

“It’s a deal,” Zoro says, grinning as Sanji wriggles away and turns towards the hatch.

“Hey, Cook,” he calls, causing Sanji to stop when he’s halfway through the thing.

“Yeah?” Sanji asks.

“If you get married before the five years are up, but it’s to me, who wins the bet?”

Sanji laughs, a giddy feeling bubbling up in his chest. “Don’t go putting the cart before the horse, Marimo,” he says. “You’ve got a long way to go until we have to sort that out.”