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Levi and his newly appointed squad were just wrapping up on training for the day and were about to call it quits for the day and go home after one more exercise, Levi was feeling particularly tense after Erwin had announced he wanted to increase the amount of expeditions that were carried out this month, Levi wasn't completely confident in this plan, worried the cadets might get too exhausted by this which is why he had upped the training wanting to make sure the 104th Cadets were put through their paces a lot more so they would be able to handle the amount of expeditions that were coming up.
Levi was resting on a tree branch waiting for the cadets to finish the last stretch, trying to ignore the tightening chest he was feeling as his heightened instincts began to make him feel like he was going to encounter an enemy at any moment. He bowed his head and took a deep, calming breath to ground himself just like Hange had taught him to do, he hated feeling like this, normally he would be able to shake it off but for some reason he seemed to be struggling to control his thoughts today, maybe it was the stress of these next expeditions coming up, he had barely slept because of them which probably wasn't helping either.
"You okay sir?" Jeans voice asked beside him snapping him out of his thoughts as he pushed himself up from the tree.
"I'm fine Kirstein" Levi told her softly "Have you brats finished the exercise yet?" he asked him scanning the area to see the others already starting to goof off to the side lines.
"Yes sir, Section Commander Hange wrapped up training and told me to inform you to take us back to headquarters" Jean told him.
"Understood" Levi said softly as he marched over to the rest of his squad "Oi brats, make sure you grab your gear we're moving out in five" he ordered the kids making them jump and stand to attention making someone laugh loudly at their reactions.
"Careful there Levi you nearly gave them all a heart attack skulking up to them like that" Hange's voice boomed from behind them making them all relax again, whenever Section Commander Hange was around everyone seemed to be a little bit more relaxed including Levi.
"Tch one of us has to make sure the brats don't end up becoming Titan shit" Levi retorted softly making her snigger even more "Besides this training is supposed to help keep them alive so we can't afford to be nice to them during it" he said with a shaky breath as he focused on his breathing again, his panic attack was getting worse by the second.
Eventually they made it back to headquarters and Levi was looking forward to being able to go to his room for some peace and quiet, preferably with a fresh cup of tea in his hands. They were all sat around a table as Hange did the last debriefing, Levi was zoned out in the middle of writing up a report to try and distract himself from the tightness in his chest every time he tried to take a breath when he heard one of the cadets speak to him, he jumped a little not really paying attention what was going on.
"Sir I have a question" Connie's voice said loudly
"What is it?" Levi asked sounding bored trying again to focus on the report
"You always push us super hard during training...I guess I just want to know why?" Connie asked him curiously Levi paused as he took in the question.
"Its my job to keep you guys safe" he answered shortly feeling his body shake
"There's gotta be more to it than that though right...it feels kinda like your worried somethings gonna happen to us" Connie deducted by now everyone was curious about what had happened
"I don't want you brats to die out there...I've lost too many people already" Levi said simply as he felt his pen snap in his grip, shit was he really holding onto it that tightly, he didn't even realise he had zoned out again until he heard someone speak close to him.
"Who did you lose to become like this?" they asked, was it Jean...or Eren?, he wasn't sure but after that question he couldn't contain his panic attack anymore as images of Isabel and Farlan flashed before his eyes. Levi gasped as he jumped up from his chair and made a break for the nearest exit.
Eventually he made it to his room and collapsed on the floor, clutching his chest tightly as he tried in vain to take in a bigger breath.
"Fuck...why did they have to ask me that?.." he asked through gritted teeth as he closed his eyes feeling, were those tears?, dampen his cheeks "Come on...pull yourself together" he berated himself as he tried to stand back up and immediately collapsed back onto the floor, he had to calm down, why was it so difficult for him to do that?.
He had no idea how much time had passed since he had left but he felt someone's hand caress his face tenderly willing him to open his eyes again, he saw Hange laying down beside him her brown eyes staring at him in concern but she managed a smile when she saw him looking at her.
"Hey short stack, your okay" Hange reassured him as she squeezed his hand to let him know he was safe as he tried to gulp in some air, Hange saw him still struggling and decided to breath with him so he could copy her rhythm.
"That's it Levi just copy me, your doing so well" Hange praised him as they kept breathing together trying to get Levi's anxiety under control again.
After a while Levi's breathing steadied out again and his panic attack seemed to have subsided, Levi had snuggled into Hange, holding onto her tightly like she was some sort of lifeline which given the circumstances wasn't inaccurate. Hange smiled at him softly holding him close as she stroked his hair in a calming way to help him relax. Eventually he looked up at her again shyly feeling pretty embarrassed that she had found him in such a state.
"Sorry you saw that.." he said in a voice barely above a whisper.
"There's nothing to be sorry for Levi, I'm just glad I was here to help you out" Hange told him comfortingly letting him know there was nothing to be ashamed of around her as she kissed his forehead softly "You alright now?" she asked him and he nodded in response.
"I want to get up now...floors fucking filthy" he grumbled making her laugh quietly, only Levi would be worried about the state of the place after suffering a panic attack like this.
"I'll get a bath drawn how does that sound?"
"Good" he agreed as they got up unsteadily and headed to the bathroom.
Hange helped him out of his clothes carefully as he was too tired to even stand upright let alone undress and then helped him into the tub, Levi looked up at her questioningly before gesturing for her to get in as well, Hange chuckled in response shaking her head as she undressed and joined him in the tub as well, sitting behind him so he could lean his head back onto her chest.
They stayed in the bath in comfortable silence for what felt like forever, Hange holding him close as he rested his eyes, waiting until he was ready to talk more.
"Those brats are too curious for their own good" he sighed
"I'm sorry, I had left by then and by the time I got back you had already gone, I only found out what happened because Connie told me how bad he felt about bringing it up" Hange explained to him and he nodded.
"Not your fault or his...we're soldiers we put our lives on the line for humanity all the time..." Levi faltered
"But it doesn't mean we come back from every encounter unscathed" she finished for him and he nodded at her words. "Your not alone Levi" she reminded him pecking him on the cheek fondly as he hummed contentedly.
"I know, thank you Hange for everything" Levi whispered gratefully before they enjoyed the rest of their bath in comfortable silence again.