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From the comfort of my bed I stared at the small water drops forming on my window. There was such a fine mist of rain that the moonlight bouncing off of the droplets made them appear to be stars in the sky. The rain had me entranced.
The first time I had experienced rain since I left Wales was when I went to Father’s secret laboratory. The sky had wept for me that day as if it knew what I was about to discover.
But tonight it was different. Staring at the droplets illuminated by the night next to the one I love: it feels surreal.
“Cardia, is something on your mind?” Victor’s voice is warm and soft.
I turn to face him. His face, too, was bathed by the moon. We’re so close, sitting next to each other. Our arms are pressed up against one another’s, sharing each other’s warmth. I look into his green eyes and give a small smile. “I think… I think I’m just happy. So much has happened since I came to London. I’m glad you were here for all of it. I’m glad you’re here now.”
A rosy tint appears on his cheeks along with a smile. “I feel the same.” He closes the book that he was engrossed in moments ago and sets it on the table next to the bed.
He cups his newly freed hand and moves it towards my cheek. I flinch for a moment before his hand landed. “It’s okay,” he whispered. “See?” True to his words, his hand wasn’t singed. But it was warm. I never knew another person would feel so warm. I relaxed into his hand and felt his lips softly press against my forehead. I felt my face begin to burn and my heart begin to beat so fast. We had been wed for a month now, but everything he did radiated love and warmth; I couldn’t stop my heart from beating out of my chest.
As that thought crosses my mind, I pull away from Victor and move my hand up to my chest. Though the gems no longer served as a source of poison, they did still serve as my heart. My heart can’t beat for him…
“Victor?”
“Yes?”
“Does your heart beat for me?... I mean… Do I make your heart beat fast?”
His eyes grew wide, face became red, and he let out a small noise I can only label as surprise. “I’m sorry, I just didn’t expect that,” he nods in the affirmative, “Mhm, very.” I move my hand above his heart. “C-cardia…” he whispered, flustered. I can’t feel his heart through his sweater. I believe him regardless, and pull my hand away, although slightly disappointed.
“Would you like to put my answer to the test?” Before I could answer he lifted his stethoscope off from around his neck, and placed the earmuffs on my head. He placed the end of the stethoscope in my hand, and guided it under his sweater and onto his heart. To be honest, it’s a sound I’ve never heard before. It sounds beautiful. The warmth of his hand over mine, the quick rhythmic beat like a drum… It truly feels like a miracle. I selfishly never want to let go, to let this sound disappear from me, to let this moment escape. All I can do is stare at his chest in awe. This is what it sounds like to be alive and in love.
After a few minutes his heart seemed to have slowed down, having relaxed to this situation. I remove my hand from under his shirt and place the earmuffs alongside his book on the bedside table. My eyes move back to his gentle, smiling face. “Thank you, Victor…”
My mind trailed off for a moment, thinking how late it must be now. I don’t want him to leave yet. Despite being married, we still sleep in separate rooms more often than not. It’s a desire we both have, but up until now I’ve been too afraid that one day I would wake up having poisoned him as we slept. Victor never pushed me, and always found a way to remind me that I can’t hurt him. He would never lie, and I believe him, but there had always been that lingering fear. But it seems to have vanished tonight.
“Will you sleep with me here tonight?” I asked sheepishly. His eyes once again widened, but quickly softened. A joyful smile shined brightly on his face.
“Of course, Cardia.”
He left the room to change out of his day clothes, leaving me to change as well. Slowly, I walked over to the wardrobe next to the mirror. I slipped out of my usual button down shirt and pants, and into an off-white nightgown. I turned towards the mirror as I removed the last of my accessories. What was staring back at me were the, now, white gems embedded into my chest. They were easily visible above my low cut dress. It’s been so long since they have been blue, yet the white still looks so foreign to me. I raise my hand to my chest, covering most of the gems, suddenly self conscious of what Victor might think. It’s a ridiculous concern, really. He’s seen the heart worn on my chest hundreds of times. He is the one who brought me this dress, he knows how I look in it. Perhaps it’s something about being able to see my heart and not hear it, in contrast to his own.
I feel something warm slide over my shoulders before I see it, despite staring at my reflection. I realize Victor must have entered the room as I was lost in thought. I smile in the mirror as I take in the image before me. His arms are straight as they cross in front of my chest and land on top of one another on my stomach, the side of his face is pressed against my own, and he stares warmly into the mirror with upturned lips.
“Sorry. I knocked but you didn’t answer, so I let myself in. You look nice.”
I turn to face him as I thank him, but quickly I notice something’s off.
“Ah… Your glasses?”
“It’s okay, I can see just fine, so long as I’m not looking at a far distance. I need to take them off before I sleep, or else they’ll break.” This thought never occurred to me. I realize I have very rarely seen him without them on. Maybe a few times when I’ve pushed him over and they get pushed up onto his head or when he took them off to clean them momentarily. His eyes are a perfect green.
I take a step back out of his arms, so I can get a better look at his face. That’s when I noticed his bare chest. The only clothing I see on him are a pair of loose green sleep pants sitting on his hip bone. A small ‘ah’ escapes me and I feel my cheeks begin to warm. Of course it’s a sight I’ve seen before, but something about sleeping by his bare chest warms something inside of me.
He grabs my hand and walks towards the bed. He lays ever so slightly propped up on his back and pulls me toward him before I can fully lay down. His skin is warm and so smooth against my cheek. My hand lands on the middle of his chest, so close to the beating heart I had heard earlier. I lay on my side with my head in the crook of Victor’s neck, supported by his hand as the other one holds me close to him by the waist.
“Cardia, is this okay? Are you comfortable?” Incredibly. ‘You’re so warm, so soft. I just want to be closer to you. How can I possibly get closer to you?’ I think to myself. I can’t bring any of these words to pass my lips, so all I can do is close my eyes and nod. He laughs gently, “I’m glad.”
I lay on Victor in silence with my eyes shut, waiting for sleep to take me. I feel full of butterflies and a burning heat inside of me. The steady rise and fall of his chest is so soothing. And yet, I cannot fall to sleep. That’s okay. I’d like to feel this for as long as possible. Not too long ago, I could have never imagined laying on another person, and certainly not how it would make me feel. So I lay on Victor, as close as I can be, with my eyes closed absorbing and savoring every feeling, every movement.
It felt like centuries that I had melted into his arms. No doubt my sense of time has been skewed, I peek open my eyes. At some point in the night, Victor had turned his head away from me. His neck is stretched out in front of me, and his head no longer blocks my view of the clock on the wall. About two hours have passed since we first laid down to sleep. I move my attention to the part of Victor’s face I can still see. His skin shines in the moonlight; he looks as delicate as porcelain. He must be fast asleep by now.
It’s so much easier to express how I feel when he can’t react. After all this time I shouldn’t be embarrassed to admit things out of the blue. I raise my head off of his neck as gently as I can, careful not to wake him. “I love you, Victor,” I whisper in his ear as quietly as I can. I lower my head once more and place my lips on the crook of his neck, where I had been cradled all night, and I kissed him slowly and lightly.
“Mm!” Instantly there was a startled moan from him. I pull back reflexively and look at him. Did I wake him up? I was so careful not to. “C-cardia…” He’s now facing me with wide eyes, much too awake.
“I’m sorry. Did I wake you up?” We’re both sitting upright now as we face each other.
“N-no… I couldn’t fall asleep, I’ve been awake this whole time…” My face feels a little warm when he tells me this. Were we unable to sleep for the same reason? “Where you kissed-” he begins.
“I’m sorry, I couldn’t help myself. You were facing away, so I-”
He speaks over me, slightly panicked. Or was it embarrassed? “That spot’s very sensitive…”
“Did I hurt you?” I never meant for him to feel me kiss him, nonetheless hurt him. Worry washed over me. “Is the poison-?!”
“N-no… it didn’t hurt. It was a different kind of sensitive…” I feel relieved, yet confused. I tilt my head to the side.
“What do you mean then?”
His cheeks become visibly red, even in the moon-lit darkness. “Ah… um… touch sensitive?...” I still don’t understand what he means. I raise my hand to my own neck. I feel nothing.
“No, not like that either… um… It’s hard to explain… It might just be easier if I, um, show you…”
“Alright.” His eyes widened slightly at my answer. They seemed glassy.
He lifted up his hand and hesitated for a moment. He moves my hair off of my neck and holds it to the other side of my neck. With his other hand he holds my arm gently. Then there was a spark. A surprised ‘ah’ escaped my lips.
His lips pressed up against my neck, warm and soft. A tingling sensation spread throughout my body. What is this feeling? Slowly, very slowly, he pulled away from the kiss and looked me in the eyes.
I’m sure my lips were still parted from my startled noise, and my eyes have yet to relax. His perfect green eyes stared into mine for a moment before looking down. His hand sheepishly rubbed the nape of his neck. “Do you understand now?”
I understand now what he meant by sensitive, but I don’t understand why it feels so different from a kiss on my lips or cheek. “Victor, what was that feeling? It’s warm, and shocking… My whole body felt full of butterflies…It felt good.”
He gave a small, dry laugh. “T-that would be called arousal…”
“Do you feel that, too?” His eyes met mine and he nodded. “Does it make you feel good, too?” Once more he nodded, a bit softer this time. There’s a long moment of silence, both of us seemingly at a loss for words. Finally, Victor opens his mouth to break the silence.
“Cardia… would you like to feel it again?” I gave a soundless nod. “There are other ways to feel that too, if you’d like… Ah! But there’s no need to go any further if you wouldn’t like to!” His face is a burning red as he speaks his last sentence.
“No, I trust you… Please, do whatever you’d like…” The redness of his face goes down again, and that glassy look in his eyes returns.
He gives me a nod. “Cardia, if I do anything you don’t like, or if you become uncomfortable, please let me know.” I smile at him.
“I will. I love you.”
He pushes me flat onto the bed, hovering above me. He runs his hand through my hair as he leans in. “I love you, too.” The familiar feeling of warmth graces my lips. He begins with a soft short kiss, but swiftly he begins to kiss me deeper, more desperately. I hadn't had a moment to breathe, my head felt cloudy. These weren’t the kisses I was used to, they were passionate but it felt like there was something else behind them. He pulls away just long enough for me to breathe in before he parts his lips again, placing them on my own. As he kissed me, I felt his tongue brush against my lip, instantly sending shivers throughout my whole body. He kisses my lips heatedly just one more time. This time he pulled away, taking a moment to gauge my expression, I think.
He gave the smallest of smiles, and then gently kissed my cheek. And then again lower, and again of my jaw. He landed on my ear lobe with a small, warm kiss. And then something unexpected. He brushed his tongue, hot and wet, alongside the edge of my ear. It gave me the same sparking feeling as the neck kiss earlier. I let out a small, light moan. I felt the smile against my ear. He then kissed the top of my ear lightly, and lower, and lower again until he had reached the jaw that had led him here. Just under, he once more paid attention to my neck. His lips held to my neck much longer this time as he kissed his way down. He had reached the crook of my neck, where this had all started, and gave a deep kiss. If I had a heart, it may have very well beat out of my chest. He lifted only for a small moment, and returned his lips to the crook of my neck, only parted further this time. I took a sharp inhale as I felt him lightly suck on my skin. I’m sure I squirmed. His teeth rested ever so gently on my skin, and his tongue was so, so hot on my skin. My face began to burn as a moan escaped my lips, “Ahh!” He continued for only a moment more. As he pulled away I felt a hint of disappointment from my neck. It had felt so hot a second ago, sending waves throughout my body.
Victor released his hand from my hair and looked into my eyes. “Would you like me to keep going?” His voice was calm and quiet, and somehow felt knowing. Words escaped me, all I could do was nod. With that, I felt his lips press up against my neck once more. Soft warmth worked its way down to my collar bone, just above the gems on my chest. Once more, lips parted and a chill was sent through me as his teeth lightly grazed my skin. Heat was consuming me as his tongue glided between the cage that was his teeth. The heat vanished as he moved his head away. It was quick to return though, as he began to pepper my chest with kisses once more. He slowed down as he moved towards the center of my chest. Finally, I felt something impossibly light and soft press against the cold stone in the center of my chest. I looked down at my chest to see a pile of fluffy, chestnut hair. My hand gravitates towards it and lands softly. His head lifted to face mine and hazy green eyes, scrunched by a smile, met my own. “I love you, Cardia.” His voice was serene, his head seemed so much clearer than mine could possibly be at this moment.
“I love you, too,” I said, barely above a whisper. It was all I could manage, and I’m sure it sounded dazed.
“Cardia, I can stop here. I won’t go any further if it makes you uncomfortable.” He put on a more straight face, his voice still light. What could possibly be further? What could happen beyond this? I’d like to know…
“Please, go on. I trust you.”
He nodded, and his face became red once again. He sat up for a moment and grabbed the bottom hem of my nightgown. “Um… Is it okay if I take this off?” My face turns a matching hue. He has seen my chest many times, examining me to work on the poison. It still feels a little embarrassing but I have no problem showing my chest to him. He, however, has never seen all of me, and definitely not in this context. I trust him though. I trust him with all of me, my being and body.
“Y-yes.”
Silky fabric moves up my body shortly followed by the lightest trace of warm fingers, sending a shiver through me. As the fabric touches the ground I begin to feel cold. All that separates me from Victor now is a small piece of cloth between my thighs. I feel my face begin to burn as I imagine how intimately close I am to him right now. I feel so self conscious…
“You’re beautiful,” he whispers reassuringly. He repositions himself now so that his legs are between my own as he hovers over me. Slowly, he eases his head back to where it had been before. The heat of his breath, followed by his soft lips lightly pressing on my ‘heart’, it immediately made me forget how self conscious I was only a moment ago. As he kissed lower I felt a second source of heat tickle across my skin, tracing down the maze of gems. His mouth pecked lower and lower until it reached the top of my breast. The further down he kissed, the more sensitive I became. His hand finally mirrored his mouth and landed on top of my breast. Only, it didn’t linger there long. His hand slowly moved to cup my breast, brushing his thumb along my nipple. Another shiver ran through me. A warm, wet feeling traces down my other breast so slowly. I suddenly no longer felt cold, as heat rushed through my body, and an unfamiliar sensation appeared underneath my last article of clothing. His tongue now mirrored the warmth of his hand on the other side, ever so lightly brushing over my nipple.
“Haa…” I sharply intake my breath.
My body burns hotter, I feel him suck lightly as he continues to dance his tongue across my skin. Suddenly, he pulls away and leaves one final kiss on my nipple, and slides his hand behind the small of my waist. I let out a sigh of breath I hadn't known I was holding. My body still feels hot, but this felt far too short lived…
Still, he moves further down, kissing my ribcage as he does. His face ends up just inside of my hip bone, his hand holding just below my hip on the other side. Imitating what he had done on my neck, he parts his lips and his tongue begins to wander as his mouth pulls ever so gently at my skin. His hand grips me gently, yet firm, then begins to slide further down, onto my thigh. It feels sort of ticklish and warm, and sends another wave of butterflies between my thighs. Victor moves from my hip onto my inner thigh. It feels impossibly warm, sending a shock through my body. I feel myself begin to writhe slightly as he continues slowly kissing down my thigh and lightly dragging his hand along the other. His hand moves further up my thigh, finally landing on the top seam of my undergarment sliding just one finger under. I feel my ‘heart’ beat so fast, so hard that I feel it may pound out of my chest at any moment. Victor rests his cheek on my thigh, just below the garment, and looks up at me. His face seems a little red too.
“Cardia, how do you feel?”
“Hot… And tingly?...” I try to wipe the fog out of my mind long enough to answer. “Good, I think is what I’m looking for…” I feel his warm cheek move upwards to smile.
“We can stop here, if you’d like.”
“No…” My answer is quiet but immediate. This feeling pulsating throughout my body… I don't want it to end
“Alright, Princess.” He lifts his head off of my thigh and gently slides the last of my garments off. Ah… That was the last thing… He’s seen all of me… There’s nothing dividing us.
Once more, he begins to lightly kiss his way up my thigh. And then further between my legs, stopping at the middle. A new wave of butterflies washes over me. “Ahhh!” A moan pushes through my lips. It’s so hot, so soft, it feels so good. What is happening? I’ve felt this before… Victor’s tongue! His lick started low and moved up slowly, ending somewhere that felt more sensitive than anywhere else he’s touched before. He continues to slowly move his tongue up, brushing it past that spot, slowly swirling around it. My breathing is ragged and shaky, I feel fire radiating through my body from that one spot. I feel myself start to squirm, but Victor moves his forearms over my thighs, pressing them to the bed with a surprising amount of strength. Or maybe he’s made my body that weak? “Haa,” I sharply inhale as I feel a new sensation. As he continues to move his tongue skillfully, I feel that same suckling from before so gently. “Mhh!... Ahhhh!” my moans are getting louder, and more frequent. I cannot control the sounds passing my lips anymore. I feel a warm ache of sorts spreading from my core. It’s so hot. That sensitive spot… it feels like it's pulsing with pleasure and heat.
“Mmmmm!” Something new just happened. Something long and slender feels like it’s inside of me. It’s warm and it’s moving. As it pushes in it feels so straight and so deep into me, and as it pulls out it presses up and brushes over another incredibly sensitive spot. What is this? I opened my eyes… When had I closed them? One of Victor’s arms is no longer on my thigh, when did that move? A finger, I realize. He continues to move his finger slowly in and out as he continues to dance his tongue over the sensitive spot. I realize I’m panting now. I don’t even pant when I run… What is happening? “Ahhh,” I don’t even attempt to stop it. I feel fuller now. The finger gently thrusting inside of me is wider now. Ah, no. There’s a second one. With each thrust he brushes against something so sensitive, I feel so full. There’s a tingling feeling from down there, it keeps spreading. ‘Victor, you feel so good,’ I can’t get these words out of my mouth, all that comes out is a series of short moans and gasps for air.
Faster. He’s moving his fingers faster now, his tongue, too, with more pressure. I don’t know how much longer I can handle this. I feel burning hot, shockwaves keep being sent through me, that spot keeps tingling with pleasure. I feel a giant build up of something inside of me. These feelings keep getting more intense. I moan at every thrust now, pleasure keeps building up inside of me.
“Ahhhh, Victor!” An earth-shattering feeling begins to spread through me. Everything he does feels so much more intense. All of the built of pleasure releases and pulses inside of me. My back arches and tingling ecstasy spreads throughout my body. I have no control, it continues to spread throughout me for what feels like forever, until it finally dissipates. My limbs feel like lead, and Victor slows down his movements and eventually stops. I feel euphoric, yet exhausted.
My eyelids feel heavy, a weight falls over me, and I vaguely hear a door shutting. I lay on the bed attempting to slow my breathing. It feels like ages until I can breathe right again, and even now I still feel my ‘heart’ beating quickly. I hear the door, more clearly this time, open and shut. A weight pushes down the bed next to me. I manage to peel my eyelids open.
“Victor?... Did you go somewhere just now?” He smiles at me and laughs lightly.
“Sorry, sorry. I stepped out for a moment to wash up. Ah! But don’t worry! I’ll still be sleeping next to you tonight.” He sounds much less confident that he did a moment ago, but much more like his usual self. “Cardia, how do you feel?” His eyes looked concerned.
“Tired… And very happy…” The concern melted from his eyes and was quickly replaced with the scrunch of a smile. “Ah… And cold.” I sat up and reached my arm out for the cover to find I was already under it. When had that happened?
“Ah, I thought you would be.” He reaches over to grab something from the bedside table. He places a neatly folded pile of cloth in my hands. As I begin to unfold it, I realize it’s one of his sweaters along with a brown, loose, soft pair of pants, much like the ones he’s wearing now. I smile at him as a thanks, and quickly notice I’m still unclothed. I turn around as fast as I can, hugging the clothing to my chest. He laughed quietly at my embarrassment.
“I’m sorry. Ahaha. Sorry. I’ll turn away while you change.”
I pull a new pair of undergarments out of a dresser and slide into the clothing as quickly as I can. It’s warm, and soft. A different kind, of course. Comfortable, is the word I think. And it smells sweet and clean, like Victor. “Okay, I’m decent now.”
Victor turns around and looks at me with what I can only call adoration. “They’re a little big on you. It’s cute.” He says with a small laugh. A little is an understatement. He’s much taller than I am, making the pants fall a few inches past my ankles, and his sweater that's sleeves usually fall to his forearm are now reaching my hand. But wearing his clothing makes me happy.
We slide under the covers facing each other this time. Our legs are entangled and our arms wrapped around each other. My forehead rests on his chest, and his chin on my head. The moonlight is still attracted to his skin, giving it that porcelain quality once again. I find myself feeling heavy again, my eyes unable to open. As I drift to sleep I hear one thing. “I love you, Cardia.”