Work Text:
Chapter 1.
The desk phone rang, I answered without looking who was calling. I was on my second coffee since arriving to the district, Adam had given his usual joke about me being up all night. It’s not funny because I was up all night, even though Grace sleeps I can’t seem to shut off. It’s been a long week!
“Hello! Can you come down to the role-up! Come the back way bring your coat and keys I need to talk to you! And Upton, tell Ruse he has a visitor waiting!” Trudy barks down the phone.
“Ok!” I reply, not that she heard it, she had already put the phone down.
Sighing I tell Adam and grab my coat checking for my keys, I let Hank know I’m going down and off I go.
Trudy is waiting for me in the garage, her usual stony face is soft with something I can’t read, it knocks me off guard.
“Go home and sleep whilst Grace is at Day-care! Its not a request it’s an order!” Trudy turns me and pushes me towards the door before I can speak. “I’ll pick her up and bring dinner with me, Go!” Something is going on and it irks me that I am too tired to argue so off I go, I get home take a shower and climb into my bed, my bed, not ours. It’s been just mine for eighteen months now, since Jay left me! I can’t help the silent tears that fall. It still hurts he ghosted me, my own husband, the man who promised me I was the love of his life, and he would be back for me.
The day before he left, he showed me how much he loved me, kissed every inch of my body, told me had to so he could imprint it to his memory until he came back. Only he left a guest behind our little girl was born 8 months after he left, she was early but perfect in every way. Grace spent a week in the NICU to help gain some weight and she came home and has thrived. Everyone loves her she hasn’t gone without love or family I just wish he was here to see her to meet her.
I spoke to Jays new boss 4 months after he left, when he told me that Jay was staying on at his own request. I threw myself back in to work the tiredness hit me one day, I woke up in Med with Kim sat with me a sad look on her face, then Maggie and Hannah came, and I thought I was going to die! I was shocked we were always careful Jay and I, but the last time we weren’t careful enough and I didn’t take my pill that night because he’d left. Well, she was here now, and Jay wasn’t! I know he’s still alive, his wages keep going into the joint account and I’m down as his next of kin, His wife! God, I miss him so much his smell, his arms that I had let envelope me and love me. I had tried to call him again kept calling his cell up until the day she was born. I know he doesn’t know about her too as Will hasn’t been in touch with him and its not for the lack of trying. Bar getting on a flight to Bolivia we’ve all tried to contact him. I sleep until 4pm, fitful dreams of Jay and Grace, I just want him to meet her and him to be safe. He would be an amazing daddy!
Platt had let herself in, Did I tell you she’s been my rock in all of this? Her and randy never had kids so adopted Grace and I and I love it. They have become her Grandparents with Hank who adores her, Kev, Torres, Adam and Kim all look to her as a niece and Mikayla loves her so much, we have sleepovers on the weekends and Kim has Grace when I work and Platt is busy. We all work together as a big mish mash family. Jay would love it.
“Hey did you sleep?” Platt asks as I sit at the table, Grace crawls to me and puts her hands to be picked up. I pick her up and breath her in, she smells of baby and warmth and love.
“Yeah, I did, thank you!” I smile as she puts coffee down in front of me. “What’s going on Trudy?” I look up at her and she gives me a raised eyebrow, “I’m a detective I know somethings wrong Just tell me?”
“He’s home Hayley! He came by the district to see you, but I told him you were out on a call and sent you home. I called Will and he’s got him until I call to tell him I’ve spoken to you.”
I stand up, placing grace in her highchair, I get her food and feed her I don’t speak, I can’t think straight. How do I do this? What do I do? He has a right to know, but I can’t see him I need time. “I need some time! I’ll go see Rojas; can you watch her whilst I pack? I need to ring her and see if that’s ok first. It should be ok right she will be ok with me going to see her, right?” I’ve stood up and walked around the room not going anywhere just walking. A knock on the door stops me in my tracks. Its him, I can feel it and I feel sick, my head is spinning, and I can’t think straight.
“Trudy, I can’t do this right now. Send him away please?” I’m shaking, I pick Grace up from her chair and take her upstairs. I lock my self in my room I can’t see him right now! I run Grace a bath and give her some Milk, I sit in her room in her rocking chair, I look at her, my perfect angel, her skin is pail so are Jay and I, her hair is Auburn her eyes the bluest I’ve ever seen, she’s her daddy’s double. There is no denying she is his, from the minuet she was born, everyone who saw her looked at me in shock at the resemblance to her daddy. I want to see him again to make sure it’s my Jay that’s come home. Before we got together, after Rojas had made it clear to me that what I was feeling was love any time we had been away from each other the flutters in my belly in anticipation to seeing him again, I am still so madly in love with him it’s scary. After a while I open my door Grace is in her crib asleep, I need her to sleep so I can think. I can hear voices downstairs, oh my god his voice! I drop to the floor and put my hand over my mouth, closing my eyes, his voice takes me back to before he left, it assaults my senses. His voice as we talked after a long case, the eye contact that held so many silent conversations as we worked, his scent as we sat in the cabin of his truck on stakeouts.
“Jay, you need to give her time! You left without talking to her then you extended your deployment, without talking to her, she’s your wife, they are pretty big things that you are supposed to talk to your wife about, and to not contact any of us at all in over a year is a pretty shitty thing to do to us all Jay! We are supposed to be family. We all tried to contact you we all had to pick up the pieces you dropped when you left! It wasn’t even just picking Hayley up of the floor it was helping raise a baby that you didn’t know about because you all but disappeared.”
“Trudy, I know but I needed time to sort out my head and then I was taken in by a gang and I needed to stay under, and it went deep I couldn’t have anything distracting me. If I had anything that needed to get to me importantly they had ways of getting it to me, they obviously didn’t feel my wife being pregnant was important enough for me to be told, I am pissed about it Trudy, I really am and I am going to raise hell when I’ve finished here, but right now I want to see my wife and meet my daughter and I can’t because she’s hiding from me upstairs. And I totally get it, I do! I promise I’m going to make it up to her, everyday for the rest of my life, but if she doesn’t give me the opportunity then I can’t can I?”
Hayley can hear the emotion in his voice, and she stands up slowly walking downstairs, Trudy gets up walking to the door nodding at Hayley who has made it to the bottom step, she leaves after hugging Jay who’s still not turned around. Hayley wipes the tears that have fallen down her face as Jay turns around, he moves towards her, and she steps back holding her hands up to stop him.
“I can’t please, just stay there, Jay, we can talk that’s it, I need some time, Jay!” He’s hurt she can see it on his face but so is she and as much as she wants to run into his arms and kiss him, to rip his clothes of here in the hallway because oh my god he’s still so so hot! She can’t because she needs some time to get used to the idea of him being home again. Because he’s home, her husband Jay is home.