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Deserving of Love

Summary:

It might take Hatake Kakashi a decade to understand the full meaning of love, but Umino Iruka is there every step of the way.

Notes:

This fic has darker themes in the beginning than what I normally write since it’s Kakashi’s POV, but don’t worry it gets better.

Not beta’d. Feel free to let me know if there are any errors! It’s always appreciated.

As a warning each chapter of this fic jumps ahead a few years and spans over a decade. Each chapter can be read like a one-shot, but cohesively it makes the story of how Kakashi accepts love.

Please reference trigger warnings in the end notes.

Chapter 1: Compassion

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Iruka - 16

Kakashi - 19


The acrid tang of pipe smoke hits Kakashi's nose before he fully completes the shunshin into the room. Neither his ANBU mask nor the fabric mask pulled tight across his face is enough to filter the smell that permeates every inch of the Sandaime's personal study.

He drops to his knee, taking a quick sensory sweep of his surroundings as he does so. The Sandaime's guard, who usually lurk unseen, masking their chakra into mere hints of living beings, seem to be out of the room.

This will not be the usual mission summons.

"Hokage-sama."

The Sandaime's gaze holds steady, peering into his glass ball, the sides of his mouth pulling down at whatever he's watching within. "Kakashi. Welcome." He motions for Kakashi to join him, pushing aside a few scrolls to create a clear spot on the overburdened table.

Kakashi - not Hound. A personal favor, then.

Kakashi stands, sliding his porcelain ANBU mask off, and moves to join the Sandaime. His eye catches on a shogi board by the sliding doors as he sits cross-legged at the table. A fleeting worry crosses his mind that he's been summoned to play shogi, and he bites back a groan. He hasn't been roped into playing shogi in ages. Still, with Asuma gone to the Capitol, he can't overlook the imminent threat.

"I'd like you to assess someone for ANBU." The Sandaime pushes a personnel file across the table, gaze now locked on Kakashi.

He takes the file, all worries of shogi dissipating. It's on the thicker side, stuffed full of documents. Someone who's already gone on a lot of missions, then.

He flips the file open.

Or not…

Kakashi stares at the photo clipped to the inside of the folder while his hand jerks back in disdain. A young boy with a deeply scarred nose and a mischievous look smiles back at him.

Umino Iruka. 16. Genin.

"Umino?" He leaves the "Are you fucking kidding me?" implied. Umino has been a thorn in ANBU's side for years. A cheeky, arrogant teen hellbent on harassing the ever-living fuck out of patroling ANBU units. Kakashi himself has dragged Umino back to his home countless times.

A run-in with Umino and his pranks usually means a hit to your pride and a lengthy summary report to write up. Indeed, the thickness of the folder that he noted earlier is the result of a stack of summary pages outlining prior incidents. 

Stink bombing the ANBU locker room. Which he shouldn't have even been able to locate . Trapping an entire ANBU patrol unit in a sludge pit. More than a few water-based pranks. Wet pants during a patrol shift… Kakashi steals his face against the grimace that is threatening to take over. Even the Hokage's office and Jounin stand-by station have been graced with the consequences of Umino's seemingly limitless imagination for pranks.

He stills as he flips through the incident reports. Come to think of it, how long has it been since the last incident? A couple months. No, that isn’t right. The last time he'd dragged Umino back to his house had been right after that awful mission in Grass. That was…last summer. Almost a year? The passage of time feels blurry and dense. He doesn't think he remembers anyone else complaining about Umino for a while now.

He flips back to the topmost document to look at the date. Yes, nearing an entire year with no incidents. The summary report is in his handwriting, detailing a run-in that literally left him hanging in one of the ANBU training fields.

Kakashi isn't one to question the Sandaime's orders, but he sure as hell wants to fight this one. He leaves his inflection blank. "He's a Genin."

"He's registered for the Chunin exams taking place next week."

"And if he doesn't pass." Let's hope he doesn't.

Sarutobi puffs on his pipe, eyes piercing Kakashi. "He will."

Kakashi looks further down the page. No parents. That he knows. From his memory, the house that Umino resides in has seen better days; it was always empty and dark when Kakashi deposited him in the genkan. No adults to grumble warnings about bad behavior ever met them at the door.

"His mother was ANBU. Before your time. Umino Kohari was a shrewd unit leader."

Kakashi hums in acknowledgment as he runs down Umino's stats. Rated high in intelligence and fuuinjutsu listed as a specialty. No surprise there; his seals and traps were nearly impossible to undo and more impossible to avoid. Yin release. Water release. And…fire release.

"He has two nature releases?" Almost unheard of for the average 16-year-old. "Is he proficient in both?"

The Sandaime runs a hand down his beard, attention back to reading through a scroll filled with what looks like complicated jutsu theory. "Yes. Yes. Very proficient for his age."

Kakashi stares at him, trying not to convey how incredulous he feels about Sadaime's assertion. "And his fuuinjutsu?"

"Well, I hope he's learned something useful, considering I've been acting as his mentor and private tutor for the last year." The Sandaime tries to hide his smirk by tilting his head down. "We do more than just play shogi."

He wants to scoff. Leave it to the Sandaime to mentor the worst-behaved child in Konoha. 

He glances at the shogi board again. Maybe Umino is why he hasn't been roped into playing in months. "Does he not have a jounin instructor?"

"Hada Benjiro was his jounin instructor."

Was.

"There was an incident with a misranked mission last year, and Iruka-kun lost his team."

There's silence for a moment before the Sandaime continues, "He's been assigned a team for the Chunin exams, of course."

Kakashi closes the file and pushes it toward the center of the table. "You've been acting as his instructor. You know his skills. What am I testing him for?" Why not just promote Umino to ANBU as soon as he passes the Chunin exams. 

"Ah, well…" the Sandaime slowly puffs out smoke without meeting Kakashi's gaze. 

He feels like he's missing something.

The Sandaime knocks the ash out of his pipe into a small bowl and swirls the end of a used match around the bowl to clean it out. "He hasn't been picking up missions for the last year. Instead, he's been dedicated to studying. So. Better to get a second opinion about his teamwork." 

From prankster to academic, apparently. No missions for a year? Kakashi holds back a sigh. "Why Umino." 

"Why not?" The Sandaime smiles then, wide and toothy. The kind of smile that always means trouble.

Kakashi wants to say that there's a whole folder an inch thick with incident reports that say why not.

The Sandaime must read the doubting expression in his eye. "Kakashi. Iruka is very skilled. Intelligent.Tenacious. Dangerously inventive. ANBU needs more fuuinjutsu users."

ANBU really does need more fuuinjutsu users. He holds a breath for a beat before blowing out a defeated breath through his mask. "The full team?"

"No…No. Fugaku-san might have my head if Itachi-kun misses another clan meeting. And I need Tenzō and Yugao for something else. You'll take a member from Bear unit, Nomura, and Ota from Frog."

Kakashi nods. He's worked with both before. "If he fails?"

"Then there are other paths he can explore." The Sandaime stands and shuffles to a scroll cabinet in the corner of his study. "He has many talents. Anywhere he serves will be a boon to the village."

Kakashi still feels like he's missing something. Some variable he's not accounted for. 

"And if he dies?" Kakashi slips in the question, gauging the Sandaime's reaction to the mention of his student dying. 

He pauses and turns slightly, leveling a guarded look at Kakashi. "Then he wasn't meant to be in ANBU."

 


 

Kakashi watches Umino from a few feet away, tucked behind a tree trunk just inside the main gate. Umino fiddles nervously with the scroll pockets on his flak vest, running his fingers over the buckles as if to assure himself of the contents. The flak vest and shinobi blues look too new. Crisp. Probably straight from the procurement office. 

The whole outfit is slightly too baggy on his young frame. But he does look older and taller than Kakashi remembers him. Nearly as tall as Kakashi. Lankier, too, as if a growth spurt has stretched him, and any bulk has yet to catch up. 

Kakashi catches sight of Nomura and Ota further down the road walking toward them. It's strange to see them in their normal jounin gear rather than the standard issue ANBU armor and mask.

Might as well get started.

He shunshins behind Umino, who whips his head around instantly, eyes bright. "Hou…" Umino's words trail off, and his eyes widen in confusion as he catches sight of Kakashi and looks off to the side as if searching for someone else.

Didn't he know who would be on his team? Maybe not, considering that the Sandaime said he would personally take care of briefing Umino.

"Umino Iruka." Kakashi nods curtly. "I'm Hatake Kakashi. You received your mission briefing?" 

"I…Yes, sir!" Umino straightens up as he answers, snapping out of the confusion that plagued him moments before. "I was briefed on the mission parameters but not the team."

Hokage-sama, what are you scheming?

"I'll be the unit captain. Nomura Rayu and Ota Higashi are the other two making up the four-person cell. I trust you won't slow us down."

A determined look settles on Umino’s face as his hands tighten around the straps of his traveling pack. "No, Taichou!"

 


 

Kakashi mulls over the mission parameters as the team runs ahead of him. 

Three days to the first location in the Land of Earth.

Two days in Fire. Minimal risk of an incident within the country's borders.

Half a day in Grass. Less risk of an incident, but Grass is touchy about Fire shinobi crossing its borders without cause. Better to avoid notice on the way through. 

Once they cross into Earth they will need to get in and out as quickly as possible. Invisibility is key. Current relations with Earth are shaky at best, and he doesn't want this team to be the reason the country decides to end its tentative truce with Fire. Plus, he doubts Stone shinobi would honor any truce if they were found trespassing and stealing.

Three locations in Earth with four hours of travel between each. 

They'll need to start at the northernmost location and loop back to the others. Break the seal, steal the scroll, then book it to the next location before anyone notices it's missing. Repeat until all three scrolls are confiscated. The third location is close enough to Grass that they should be able to cross back over the border within a couple hours.

Remaining undetected is one thing, but the timing between locations will be problematic. Beating a message hawk is nearly impossible if the scroll is discovered to be missing too soon after they leave for the next location.

Everything about this mission hinges on Umino acting as their seal breaker.

Kakashi fights off a twinge of annoyance at the Sandaime. An untested, newly minted Chunin, who hasn't been on a mission in a little over a year, and the Sandaime slaps him with an A-rank, ANBU test mission. 

Umino, who only a year ago was pranking ANBU teams and causing general mayhem.

Kakashi watches him from behind, brows furrowing under his hitae-ate. He's keeping up, at least.

For now.

 


 

They make camp in the early evening. Umino seems tired after the fast travel pace the team sustained throughout the day, but his spirits are still up.

Nomura and Ota are playing makeshift darts with kunai thrown at a primitive target carved into a tree as Umino watches on with interest. Kakashi is happily lounging against a large rock near enough to the campfire that he can feel the heat. If this was his usual team Ro, he'd be more inclined to join in. 

If Tenzō was here, I could badger him to make me a bench.

He's pulled out of his daydream of lounge furniture by Umino's voice. "If you choke up your grip ten millimeters further up the tang and let go a half-second quicker, you'll get a straighter fly on your no-spin release."

Ota frowns, looking down at his hand gripping his kunai. "Are you saying you don't think I know what I'm doing?" There's a dangerous bite to his words.

Umino looks like he wants to retort something harsh and challenging, but instead, he goes with, "I'm saying that if you change your grip, you'll get better accuracy."

Ota narrows his eyes at Umino as he slowly holds up his kunai to inspect it. He grunts in acknowledgment after a beat before testing the new grip gingerly and moves through a couple test swings without letting the kunai go. There's a soft whizzing sound as he launches the kunai at the tree across the campsite, and it sinks dead center of the bullseye with a splintering thud. "Shit, kid. How'd you even notice that?"

Umino shrugs. "I've spent a lot of time watching people."

 


 

After giving Ota advice the prior evening, Umino has been assimilating with the team well. More than well. The second evening in Fire, Ota and Nomura are swapping overblown battle tales, goaded on by Umino's bright-eyed awe, and sharing a flask between themselves.

It's the last night of relative safety before they pass the border into Grass.

Nomura extends the flask out toward Umino, shaking it as if to entice him. "Come on. You passed the Chunin exams! You're an adult now. Drink up!" 

Kakashi calls down from the tree he's perched in. "If you can't hold your alcohol, you shouldn't drink now. Grass tomorrow." It's a warning to Ota and Nomura just as much as it is to Umino.

It'll take more than a shared canteen of hard liquor to phase the other two ANBU, who are trained to burn it out of their system almost immediately after ingestion. What they don’t need is a lightweight Umino dead on his feet tomorrow.

Umino's quick retort sounds petulant as he levels a look up at Kakashi and grabs the flask from Nomura. "I can hold my liquor."

"Come on, Hatake-taichou. He just made Chunin. He needs to celebrate."

Kakashi crosses his arms but doesn't push further. He certainly didn't celebrate making Chunin at ten by drinking, but better a celebration with a shot of liquor than being sent straight to a warzone. He makes a noise of assent and pulls out his book. Ota and Nomura grin back at him. They'll make sure Umino doesn't drink too much.

"You need a good week to celebrate after passing the exam. I remember drinking for like three days straight." Ota pokes the fire with a stick absently, sending a flurry of sparks into the air.

"And I remember you puking your guts out for the next two." Nomura retorts, causing both to emit guttural laughs, seemingly caught up in their memories.

"Gods, I swore I was gonna die." Ota looks across the campfire at Umino. "Did ya get to celebrate at all, kid?"

"I…sort of. My friends took me out after the exams, but it's not like I hadn't drank before." Umino says with the slight pout of someone trying to prove themselves.

"Yeah?" Nomura quirks an eyebrow. "Get some liquid courage for talking to the ladies?"

"Every good celebration requires a blow job!" Ota grins wide. "Trick is not to get so drunk you can't keep it up."

"Ah, look, he's blushing." The two men laugh uproariously, endlessly amused at Umino.

Nomura slaps his right knee hard. "Kid, add it to the list of things to do when we get back to Konoha. Go get drunk and get yourself a blow job."

"Pfft, he looks more the type to give them." 

Umino's face is a deep red, and his eyes light with an angry fire. "So what if I am!?"

Kakashi watches Umino, gauging if he needs to step in and end the conversation. He's certainly getting the full ANBU experience. Most ANBU are typically not shy about talking about sex, alcohol, or any other recreational activities, illegal or not, even when they're actively on a mission. It can be a shock from the more rigid professional environment of the standard, non-ANBU mission assignments.

Though his own team is decidedly more demure. The words ‘socially inept' surface, and he shakes his head. Well, that and Itachi is only eleven. 

It's quiet for a moment before Ota laughs and repeatedly hits Umino between the shoulder blades in utter amusement. "That's the spirit!"

Nomura throws the flask back at Umino with a grin. "Drink up, Umino!"

Umino catches the flask again and stares at it for a moment as if weighing its existence. Maybe contemplating how much he's already consumed. He seems to weigh in favor of it and unscrews the cap, tipping it back as he takes a swig. Kakashi keeps a chuckle in as Umino's face contorts and eyes squeeze shut.

He can let them keep bantering. 

"One more round, and then we'll start the watch schedule. I'll take the first shift. Then Umino. Ota. Nomura, you're on dawn duty."

"Yes, Tacihou!"

 


 

Kakashi settles against the tree trunk, perched high enough to have a good vantage point of the campsite but not so high he can be seen. The forest around them is loud with animals and insects, the best indicator that all is as it should be. Keeping watch in Fire is barely needed, but vigilance runs like blood in his veins. He reaches back to feel his pack, unconsciously checking that his book is still within. He'll use Umino's shift to read. 

A body flickers onto the branch beside him, the scent of wood smoke and warm body following the movement. 

"You should be sleeping." Kakashi keeps his arms crossed, barely reacting to the intrusion of his teammate. 

Umino stares down at him for a moment before plopping down beside him, legs dangling off the branch. "Is this a test?"

"Hmm?"

"Is this mission a test? For me?" Umino's words are quiet but clear. "Some kind of ANBU test?"

Kakashi stills at the question. "Why would you think that?"

"Before I left, Sandaime kept reminding me to follow my captain's orders with no questions asked, even if I disagreed with them. He usually encourages me to question everything. So that. And we didn't go to the mission desk to pick up the mission like usual. ANBU missions are the only missions not assigned at the mission desk." Umino turns to look at Kakashi dead in the face. "And the fact that the three of you are ANBU."

"Are we?" Kakashi asks drily. He stills his chakra to keep the spike of surprise covered. How?

"Yes," Umino states with confidence. "At least I recognize your chakra signature." He rubs a finger across his nose, looking a little humbled. "You're Hound. You've dragged me home a few times. I didn't know that Hound was Hatake Kakashi until I met you at the gates."

A fucking chakra sensor too. That wasn't in his file. Did the Sandaime leave it out of his file purposefully, or did he not know?

"And what if this is a test?"

Umino remains silent for a moment, looking out into the dark of the forest. Something troubled passes over his features. "I'm not afraid to die."

"That's not what I asked."

"Isn't it?" His tone is hard, but he doesn't look back at Kakashi.

Kakashi doesn't reply. He wants to say that sometimes you don't die. That he's still here whether he wants to be or not.

 


 

The first and second scrolls are breached and confiscated flawlessly. Umino broke the seals and wards protecting the scrolls with an incredible display of chakra control and rebuilt them identically around a fake scroll. No one would know the scrolls had been taken until it was too late, and they were far from those locations. Beating messenger hawks is no longer a worry.

Umino is proving singular in his commitment to completing the mission. The stark contrast between this version of Umino versus the hellion that had plagued Kakashi in the past was almost laughable. True to the Sandaime's warnings to Umino, he never once questions Kakashi's orders, but hints of his temper come out now and again if someone ribs him too hard. Despite his overwhelming urge to say no on principle, Kakashi can't find a reason not to recommend Umino to ANBU.

One more scroll to go.

Umino finishes inking a paper seal as Ota returns to the secured hideout. "The shrine is half a kilometer north. Wooded area, but heavily rocky terrain. From what I can tell, the scroll may be in a cave behind the shine." He rolls out a scroll with the map of the area, a red x marking the shrine.

"Was there anything at the entrance to the cave?" Umino asks.

Ota hands him a piece of paper. "A paper seal with this inscribed."

Umino brows knit together as he studies the inscription. "Looks like one part of a three corners barrier seal. The cave is probably a trap if the seals aren't removed first. I'm guessing we'd be able to get into the cave, but there will be earth jutsu triggered if we try to remove the scroll or leave."

He points to the scroll location on the map and circles around it with his finger. "There will probably be three seals placed some distance away. Removing the seals will dismantle the jutsu."

Ota takes in the map, tapping a finger on his chin. "How far?" 

Umino shrugs. "If it were me, I'd place them about 100 meters from the scroll with the scroll location being dead center to the triangle."

"So three seals just randomly on what? A pile of stones? A tree? That doesn't sound easy to find. That'll be a hell of a lot of time to waste." Nomura bites off the end of a ration bar package and spits out the foil.

"Umino, what is the likelihood of all the seals being made out of chakra fiber paper with Sumi ink?" Kakashi deftly unbuckles a vest pouch, letting his summoning scroll fall into his hand.

"I would say as much as 100 percent.”

He breaks the skin of his thumb with his teeth and swipes it over the scroll. There's a cloud of smoke as all eight ninken appear.

Umino looks wide-eyed at Bull, who appears nearly on his lap, lamely saying, "Hi there."

Bull gives a tail thump before turning his attention to Kakashi. 

"Tracking job for you. Paper seals, not humans. Three seals, maybe 100 meters on all sides from this area" He points to the map on the ground and lets the ninken sniff the seal paper.

"We're on it, Boss!"

 


 

The seals are dispatched quickly, and Umino has already broken the first set of wards to the scroll by the time Kakashi makes it to the cave. Nomura has already made it as well, but not Ota yet. Something uneasy prickles in the pit of Kakashi's stomach.

Nomura seems to sense his thoughts and calls over from his spot next to Umino. "Ota will be back soon."

Relax, Kakashi.

Not that telling himself to relax ever works. 

He watches Umino work, tempted to use his Sharingan to decipher the jutsu he's performing. He knows standard fuuinjutsu and a couple more advanced ones stolen from Minato. It won't hurt to try to copy a new one.

He feels goosebumps on the back of his neck raise just as he's lifting up his hitae-ate. There's something wrong. He jerks to the right, all senses firing off as a kunai with a paper bomb fluttering in its wake flies past his cheek. 

His hands whip through hand signals as he shouts "Bomb!" at the hunched figures of Umino and Nomura. Umino reacts almost instantaneously, flinging through his own hand signs to release a chakra barrier wall in front of both him and Nomura.

Kakashi ducks behind his own earth barrier, rolling backward, and jumps to his feet as a group of enemy nin emerges from the line of trees across from the cave's entrance.

Four nin. Three in substantial bodies of adult males and one with a much slighter build. A younger nin. Twelve or thirteen. Maybe even eleven. But a smaller body does not mean less dangerous. 

It takes Kakashi a moment to realize that one of the nin is dragging the limp body of Ota forward by his flak vest. The nin drops him when he sees that Kakashi recognizes who the body belongs to. Ota's head rolls to the side at an awkward angle revealing a slit throat cut through to the spine, and the overwhelming scent of fresh blood envelops his senses for a moment.

"One of yours?" The nin smiles smugly. His flak jacket is sprayed with blood, probably Ota’s.

Bastard.

There's a sharp cry from Umino somewhere behind Kakashi. "Ota-san!"

Too many things happen at once, then. Two of the larger nins barrel forward toward Nomura and Umino. Before Kakashi can react, his attention is swiftly diverted as the ground cracks under him as the blood covered nin releases an earth jutsu. Kakashi lets himself be pulled under, flipping through his own jutsu to travel through the ground directly under his opponent. He bursts through the topsoil, grabbing onto the nin's leg and throwing him off balance. He's accustomed to having his tanto on him, more effective to stab a man through the ankle than pull him down, but the standard issue flak jacket isn't conducive to wearing his short sword. He'll make due.

The nin falls to the ground face first, and Kakashi is on him in a fraction of a second, kunai slicing through skin, tendon, and trachea. A returned favor for Ota.

There's the sound of clashing metal, and he looks up to see Nomura and another nin deadlocked, kunai against kunai. The Earth nin twists his body, knocking Nomura off balance enough to disarm him. Kakashi slips a set of shuriken out of his holster, ready to launch them at the enemy nin, but Umino lets out a yell, enough to grab the nin's attention momentarily.

Kakashi watches as Umino charges the nin, launching a kick to his elbow hard enough that Kakashi hears a loud snap even from a few feet away. There's a howl and slew of curses from the nin, and Umino wastes no time slapping a paper seal onto the nin's chest armor with no hesitation. The edges of the seal start to sizzle, eating at the threads of the nin's vest before hundreds of lines of script race across his body. The nin grabs at his chest, trying to rip the armor off, but in that second, both the chakra script and the seal glow a violent white before there's an agonized scream from the nin. He crumples to the ground, bright light and blood blasting through his chakra points.

The seal must be designed to blow out the entire chakra network. 

Shit way to die. 

Two more to go. 

Nomura has gained the upper hand against the last of the larger nin and is already in position for his final strike. 

Umino knocks the smaller nin down, sweeping his legs out from under him, and is on top of him in a second, kunai ready to plunge. There is utter rage etched into Umino's features and the same singular concentration that Kakashi has seen when Umino is untangling barriers.

The smaller nin flails an arm out, desperately trying to stop Umino. "Please stop! Please!"

Oh shit.

He sees the moment Umino hesitates. Rage and fury give way to clarity as he truly looks at the person beneath him. 

There's compassion there. Genuine compassion, like he's just looked into his enemy's eyes and understands him. Not a sickly look of pity or regret. But compassion. Concern even. 

Kakashi's heart feels tight in his chest at the sight. He's hit with the violent, blinding realization that Umino Iruka is a good person.

And good people always die.

"Umino!" He barely recognizes the shout as his own as he sees the young Earth shinobi wrestle out his other arm and immediately flips through an earth jutsu. The jutsu hits Umino square in the chest and head, launching him off the child and hard into a tree behind him.

Screeching, chirping electricity explodes out of his right hand as he releases Chidori. Kakashi knows that he is not good. A good shinobi, maybe. But not a good person.

A good person thinks twice before killing a child.

 


 

The mission will be recorded as a success if they make it back to Konoha. Which should be in less than a day.

Mission objective complete. 

With the death of a teammate, it feels like a big red x of a failure. He should have given the team radios before they split off to find the seals. Or gone in pairs. Been more vigilant getting back to the cave. He should have been clocking the cave entrance from the moment he arrived back. He shouldn't have been so greedy to want to copy Umino's jutsu.

He'll allow himself to ruminate more on his numerous shortcomings after they're back in the village bounds.

Now he has a team to look after.

He finds Umino in a tree running his fingers over the bandages Nomura has wrapped around his head. Kakashi can still smell the blood slightly hovering behind the pungent scent of antiseptic.

Umino senses him and turns away slightly, unwilling to look at him. "I already know that I failed."

"Hesitation will get you and your team killed."

"I know." Umino bites out, the lines of his shoulders stiffening in defense. 

Silence spans between them. Kakashi can't think of anything to say.

"He was a child." It's said almost in a whisper. 

A dangerous child. "No more than you are." 

Umino balls his hands into fists, pressing them into his thighs, but he doesn't say anything.

Kakashi watches Umino as the silence hangs heavy between them. His intention in coming up here wasn't to tell Umino he failed the assessment, even if that's what the other assumes. He merely wants to make sure that Umino is okay.

No, he certainly hasn't failed. His chakra control and fuuinjutsu abilities are advanced far beyond his sixteen years. He follows orders well. He bonds quickly with a team. He held his own against a surprise attack. He killed a man without hesitation when his teammate was in direct danger. 

A ruthlessness that was so at odds with those subsequent actions. That look. 

That compassion and forgiveness that has no business being on the face of an ANBU. 

There are programs and training that Umino can go through to effectively close off his emotions when on duty. All ANBU recruits are sent through rigorous emotional and psychological conditioning. It makes it better. 

I would know.

But still.

He opens his mouth but clamps it shut again. Words feel like stone in his mouth, too heavy to speak.

He has never warned off someone. Certainly not someone skilled. Hasn't thought to offer the advice. But for some reason, he doesn't want Umino to join. Not in the way he first did, where he could only see Umino as a troublemaker. No, this is unexplainable. 

You're protecting him. 

"Umino. ANBU isn’t for you." It's a statement and a warning. 

Umino jerks his head to look at him, face red in anger or maybe hurt. Tears are pooling in the outside of his eyes, threatening to escape, but he's holding strong. "I'll tell the Hokage myself." 

Kakashi nods once in acknowledgment.

Umino will find his own path.



Notes:

Trigger warnings/General comments:

Semi-graphic depictions of throats being slit. Bodily harm to enemy nin. References to bodily harm. To skip the fighting altogether, once you read “Nomura seems to sense his thoughts” Control-F to “The mission will be recorded as a success”. As a warning, there will continue to be semi-graphic depictions of bodily injury throughout this entire fic.

Iruka is considered an adult here and there is a conversation with a 16-year-old Iruka that includes references to alcohol and blowjobs. Iruka consumes alcohol. If you would like to skip, once you reach “After his throwing advice to Ota…” Control F to “Kakashi settles against the tree.”

There will be no under-age sex in this fic.

Reference to killing a child between the ages of 11 and 13.