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“Stede did WHAT?”
“He picked a bit of snake out of Blackbeard’s beard. The way they were looking at each other…you had to see it.” Lucius dropped his forehead on Pete’s shoulder. “It was wild, babe. I wish you had been there. They were making the biggest heart eyes at each other, I swear to god. I felt like I should leave and give them their privacy.”
“What are you guys talking about?”
Pete turned to Frenchie, who had ambled over and was leaning on a mop.
“Lucius thinks the captains are into each other.”
“Oh, yeah, totally. The vibe is there. D’you think they’ve fucked already?”
“Absolutely not. Too much yearning, it’s ridiculous,” Lucius said.
“Me and Johnny have a bet going, about when they’ll finally fuck and who’ll be on top.”
“Uh, Blackbeard will top, obviously,” Pete sputtered.
Lucius looked at him with his lips pursed, exchanged a significant look with Frenchie, then looked back to Pete.
“Mmm…I don’t think so, babe.”
“What? Come on, he’s Blackbeard. ”
“Yeah,” said Frenchie, “but you lot didn’t see him on that fancy ship. I did. He had his gun out, ready to go fuckin’ shoot some rich assholes ‘cause they were being dicks to him about spoons, and then Stede told him to stand down. And he just fuckin’ did, man. Made a little pouty face and everything. Then the way he was undressing Stede with his eyes in the dinghy, I thought for sure they were gonna fuck when we got back here. Thought he might just drop his pants right on deck and bend over the railing. I would’ve liked to have seen that…” he said, trailing off with a dreamy look on his face.
“Yep,” said Lucius, popping the p dramatically. “That man is a bottom , and I would know. Like calls to like and all that.”
“No way,” Pete said, crossing his arms. “I don’t buy it.”
“You wanna put some money where your mouth is?” Frenchie wiggled his fingers at them. “Fancy a flutter?”
“Yeah,” Lucius said. “Let’s do it. I’ll write it down so we can keep track.”
“Hey, Johnny!” Frenchie called over his shoulder to Wee John, who was perched on a barrel mending a torn sail. “Lucius and Pete want in on the bet.”
“Which bet? The one about–” he looked around before dropping his voice. “Olu and Jim?”
“Nah, the one about when the captains will fuck.”
“Oh, yeah, okay. I don’t think they ever will, they’re just gonna pine for each other forever and annoy the shit out of all of us in the process.”
“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Frenchie said, waving a hand at him. “You’re wrong, though.”
“Wait, wait, what’s this about Jim and Olu?”
Frenchie turned back to Lucius. “Oh, Johnny thinks they already fucked.”
“Interesting…” said Lucius. “Very interesting. Put me down for that one too. Not yet, but they will if Jim ever comes back. Olu definitely wants to.”
Pete stared at him, mouth open. “How do you know all of this? How can you tell?”
“Aw, babe. I can’t give away all my secrets,” Lucius said as he patted Pete’s thigh. Then he took out his book and began to write.
Lucius cornered Roach in the kitchen.
“Hey, we’re placing bets on whether the captains are ever going to fuck, and when, and who’ll bottom, you want in?”
Roach cackled. “Oh, they’re definitely going to fuck. I bring them their little breakfast every morning and watch them giggle and stare at each other. I don’t know who they think they are fooling. Give it…a week.”
“Right,” Lucius said with a grin. “So I’ll put you in the ‘yes’ column, then, and seven days from now. Any other thoughts about who’s topping and bottoming?”
Roach tapped his chin with the blunt edge of his knife. “Eh, I think Captain Bonnet will be the one doing the fucking, you know? But do you think he is really that type? You think he’s into whips and that kind of shit?”
Lucius stared at him. “What? What the fuck…oh no, babe, you’re talking about Domming. Which is a whoooooole separate thing.”
“Oh! My mistake. You know, we always called it the same thing back when I was more involved in the scene.”
Lucius grinned. “I would very much like to hear more about this, but in the meantime I’ve gotta put you in the book and collect your bet. So should I put you down as a Captain Bonnet Top Truther?”
Thwack . Roach’s knife slammed into the countertop and the tip of an aubergine went flying.
“Yeah. Do that.”
Lucius took Roach’s coin, put it in his purse with the others, and marked him down in the book. So far the resounding majority were on Team Yes They’re Gonna Fuck, with dates ranging from next week to six months out, and Team Bottom Blackbeard. Pete was really going to be in for a rude awakening.
Lucius rounded the corner and bumped into Oluwande. His purse flew out of his hands and landed on the floor behind him with a jingle and a clank. Olu bent over to pick it up, weighing it in his hands.
“Shit, man, where did you get all this from?”
Lucius took it and stuffed it back into his pocket. “Oh, we’ve got a bet going on whether the captains are going to fuck. You want in?”
“You don’t think they’re already fucking?”
“Oh, no. Not yet. Why, do you?”
“I dunno, man, they’re awfully handsy with each other, don’t you think?” Olu scratched his head and leaned against the wall. “They’re always like…touching each other’s legs and arms. And where does Blackbeard sleep ? Do you think they sleep together? Like, literally sleep?”
“D’you know, I have no idea where he sleeps, now that you mention it,” Lucius said. “And I will find out. But I think Blackbeard’s just kind of a handsy guy, you know? Remember when he first got here and he was like, shaking everybody’s hand and patting them on the shoulder and stuff? That’s not why I think he’s into Stede.”
“Yeah, maybe, I dunno,” Olu said. “I gotta go, but put me in the yes column, yes they will definitely fuck. Soon, I hope, and put the rest of us out of our misery. Put me down for…twelve days from now.”
“Right,” Lucius said absently, marking Olu’s response down in his book. Olu continued down the hall toward the galley. “Oh, wait! What do you think about who’ll be on top?”
Olu turned. “Man, that’s gross, that’s none of our business.”
Lucius rolled his eyes. “Like that ever stops us. Come on, I know you have an opinion.”
Olu let out an aggrieved sigh. “Fine. Yeah. Blackbeard will be on the bottom.”
Lucius grinned. “You’re damn right he will. Have you got a coin on you, or d’you want to bring me one later?”
Olu fished a coin out of his pocket and flipped it to Lucius, who caught it with a wink.
“Pleasure doing business with you, my friend.”
Ed waited until they were both gone before he emerged from the ball room.
Those little shits were betting on him? And Stede? Betting on whether or not they’d fucked? And on who would be getting fucked? He should gut the whole fucking lot of them as a lesson. Feed them to the fucking sharks. He’s fucking Blackbeard , he can’t have people out here placing bets on his sex life, speculating on if he likes to take it up the ass (he does, from time to time, but that’s not anybody else’s business but his, and hopefully Stede’s.)
He rubbed his forehead and sighed. The truth was, he didn’t even have a sex life. They were right, he was mooning after Stede and it was fucking pathetic. Absolutely nothing was in his ass these days, not even his own goddamn fingers. Stede was always around, and he insisted that Ed sleep in his cabin since they were co-captains now. The best he could do was a quick wank in the bathtub or tucked away in one of the many useless rooms all over the ship. Which is how he’d ended up in the ball room in the first place and had overheard this little conversation.
He’d thought he had no chance with Stede. He’d thought he had made his interest abundantly clear. Well. Not abundantly, not like he would’ve with some casual fling, where he could just say “hey, wanna fuck?” and that would be that. But still, as abundantly as he knew how with someone like Stede. Someone…fancy. He’d thought that Stede just wasn’t interested. But then, when they were in St. Augustine doing a goddamn treasure hunt, of all things, the boy had said Stede liked him. Like a pimple-faced boy mooning after a pretty housemaid.
Ed strode down the hall after Lucius. Clearly this crew wasn’t working hard enough if they had time to gossip among themselves like a bunch of fishwives. It was time to get to the bottom of this, pun absolutely not intended. And maybe he could win the pot while he was at it, teach them all a fucking lesson.
He found Lucius on deck.
“Captain Bonnet wants to see you, in the captains’ quarters.”
Lucius eyed him suspiciously. “I thought I saw him in the galley?”
“He was in the galley, and now he’s in the captains’ quarters. Let’s go.” He gestured with his chin.
“Um, I don’t need an escort, but okay.”
Lucius stalked off towards the captains’ cabin, Ed a few steps behind. Stede was, in fact, in the galley, trying to explain some fuck-off complicated cake recipe to a skeptical looking Roach.
They reached the cabin and Ed closed the door behind him. Lucius whirled and opened his mouth, but Ed held up his hand.
“I know about the bet.”
“Oh God,” Lucius said, his eyes darting around the cabin. “He is in the galley, I knew it. Oh God! You’re going to kill me.”
“Not yet.”
Lucius’s shoulders sagged. “Look, I’m sorry, you know, there’s just not that many ways to pass the time–”
“Enough. Clearly you idiots aren’t working hard enough, which we will address later. But right now, you’re going to help me win.”
“I’m…sorry?”
“You heard me. I’m gonna win this fucking bet, mate. Tonight. I’ll get him to make the first move. And you’re going to help me. Put that in your fucking book.”
Stede was discussing the course with Mr. Buttons when he saw Ed coming out of the captains’ cabin, followed by…Lucius?
“Now, that’s odd,” he muttered.
“Aye, cap’n, an odd wind’s a-blowing,” Buttons intoned. “Livy were just telling me, there’s strange omens afoot.”
“Yes, yes, very good, Mr. Buttons,” Stede said absently. “I’m sure that’s all fine.” He patted Buttons on the shoulder and walked away. Ed had disappeared belowdecks, but Lucius was standing by the railing looking nonplussed.
Stede strolled over, arms behind his back, doing his best to look unbothered.
“Ah, Lucius!”
Lucius jumped, looking distinctly guilty.
“Captain?”
“How are you on this fine day at sea?”
Lucius licked his lips. His eyes were darting from Stede’s face to someone else over his shoulder, and he seemed to be hunching over, holding something inside of his jacket.
“Um. Fine. Great, actually! No complaints.”
“What were you and Edw–I mean, Captain Blackbeard doing just now?”
“What? Nothing! We weren’t…we weren’t doing anything!”
“Come now, Lucius, I saw you!”
“Oh! Um, he just wanted me to write something down for him,” Lucius said, looking queasy. He looked over Stede’s shoulder again and shook his head slightly, pressing his lips together into a thin line. Stede whipped around, but all he could see was Frenchie half-heartedly swabbing the deck. He did seem to spend a lot of time half-heartedly swabbing the deck, now that Stede thought about it. But that was an issue for another time. For now, he needed to get to the bottom of this. What was Ed up to? He and Lucius weren’t…together, surely? Didn’t Lucius have enough boyfriends on board? Not that it was any of Stede’s business what Ed got up to in his spare time, none at all, he didn’t care. It was rather poor manners to use the captains’ cabin for his…assignations, that was all.
“What did he want you to write down? Is it ship business? Because if so, I really think I should be consulted, seeing as how I am the co-captain of this vessel,” Stede said, clapping his hands together.
“No. No, it’s not…ship business. I really think you should just talk to him.”
“Oh, he’s probably busy, I don’t need to bother him. Why don’t we just keep this between you and me, hm?”
Lucius grimaced. “I’d really rather not, Captain. I really think you should talk to him about this.”
Behind them, a coil of rope hit the deck with a dull smack. Lucius jumped, and something slipped from under his jacket. He grabbed for it, but not before it thudded onto the deck and fell open. Stede bent over and snatched it up.
“Lucius, what…what is this?”
“Oh god,” Lucius said, burying his face in his hands. “Why is this happening to me? Am I being punished? Did I do something wrong in a past life?”
Stede barely heard him. He was staring at the page in Lucius’s book in what could only be described as “abject horror.” They were betting on whether he and Ed would…whether they…and on who would be on top ? He could feel blood rushing to his face, and other regions. He snapped the book shut as a trickle of sweat ran down his lower back.
“I think…” he said faintly. “I think we had better talk about this in private. Come with me.” He whirled on his heel and marched into the captains’ cabin, Lucius following morosely behind him.
Stede peeked his head inside to make sure Ed wasn’t there, then shoved Lucius in and shut the door behind him.
“Explain,” he said, doing his best to sound imperious and not equal parts horrified and aroused.
“Uh. Well. The crew has noticed that you and Captain Blackbeard seem to be…interested in each other?”
“Is that a question?”
Lucius closed his eyes for a beat and exhaled slowly through his nose.
“No, captain. It’s not a question. It’s a statement. You are interested. In each other.”
“Well, of course I’m interested in Ed, he’s a very interesting person!”
“That’s not what I mean, Captain, and I think you know that,” Lucius said as he tipped his head to one side. His gaze was frank and assessing. Stede turned and began to pace up and down the length of the cabin.
“What makes you think…what makes you think he’s interested in me?”
Lucius sighed. “Don’t you think you should be having this conversation with him ? And not with me?”
“Oh, no, no I couldn’t possibly–answer the question, please!”
“Well, he’s still here, for one thing. He could’ve murdered all of us, including you, and stolen this ship, and he didn’t.”
Stede was forcibly reminded of the conversation he’d had with Ed, the night of the fuckery. When Ed had said that his original plan was, in fact, to murder Stede and steal his identity, but then he’d changed his mind. But that wasn’t…that couldn’t be because he was interested in Stede. They were just friends.
“Because he’s my friend!”
“Oh, Captain. No. This isn’t how a man like Blackbeard acts with his friends.”
Stede reached the other side of the cabin and turned to pace back. His mind raced as he thought about every encounter, every conversation, every smile, every touch, every glance. He felt rather like he’d been swept into a whirlpool and didn’t quite know how to get himself out.
“Besides,” Lucius continued. “I know he’s interested because he knows about the bet too. And he wants to win.”
Stede froze in his tracks. His stomach felt like it was simultaneously in his throat and in his shoes. He tried to take a breath and could only manage a rather undignified wheeze. It was like being gutstabbed all over again.
“He…he…WHAT?”
Lucius walked over and laid a gentle hand on Stede’s shoulder. “He found out. And he told me he wants to win.”
Stede was vaguely aware that he must look like a fish gasping for breath, the way his mouth was opening and closing. “Yes. Well. He’s a very competitive person?”
Lucius pursed his lips and gave Stede another assessing look. “Look, Captain, if you don’t mind my saying so, I think I have a lot more experience in this, ah, area than you do?”
Stede nodded. It was so hot in here, and his neckcloth felt so tight. Had he tied it tighter than usual this morning?
“And what my experience leads me to believe is that you are interested in Blackbeard, and he is interested in you. Not as friends. Not because he’s competitive. He likes you. And you like him.”
“I do,” Stede whispered. “I do like him.”
“There we go,” Lucius said with a smile. “So why don’t you go talk to him about this?”
Stede took a deep breath and squared his shoulders. “No, Lucius. I am going to win this bet. And you’re going to help me.”
“Oh, Christ,” Lucius said, and threw himself down onto the chaise lounge.
Ed took one final look at himself in the bathroom looking glass. Yeah. This would do just fine. He’d put on his usual leather pants, but instead of wearing one of his old ratty shirts, he’d borrowed something from Stede’s closet. A loose, slinky kind of off-white number (silk, maybe? Stede would know) that made his skin look like it was glowing, with laces in the front that he’d left strategically loose so it hung open over his sternum and bared the tattoos on his chest. If he shifted his shoulders just right, you could just barely see his nipple peeking out on one side, and he personally thought that was sexy as fuck. He’d smudged a little kohl around his eyes and put his hair half up, leaving some strands hanging down on either side of his face, combed and oiled his beard, and even used some of Stede’s fancy cologne. He slid his rings back onto his fingers, adjusted Stede’s cravat around his neck, and walked back to the captains’ cabin.
He’d arranged with Lucius to keep Stede distracted so that Ed could set the scene. Ed arranged some candles and poured two glasses of brandy. Then he arranged himself, leaning seductively against the bookshelves. He crossed his arms. Then uncrossed them. He stuck one hand casually into his pocket. Yeah, that was it. Cool and casual. He shimmied his shoulders a little so the neckline of the shirt draped just the way he wanted. And he waited.
The room was lit by the warm glow of candlelight, shadows dancing on the walls. Through the window over the bed, he could see the light of the full moon reflected on the water. He could hear the faint cry of seabirds and the gentle lapping of waves against the hull of the ship, and then. Stede’s shoes, clicking down the hallway. His stomach suddenly felt like it was full of those moths Stede had been so excited about. Ed took a deep breath. He could do this. He was fucking Blackbeard, he could do anything. He could get this bizarre little man to fuck him. He could, and he would.
Stede entered the room, looking unsure.
“Oh! Ed! You look—“ he stopped, his hands clasped together in front of him. “I…is that my shirt?”
“Yeah,” Ed said, aiming for casual and landing somewhere 20 feet to the left. He cleared his throat. “Yeah, I borrowed it. Hope that’s okay.”
Stede was staring at his chest, the candlelight reflecting off of his wide eyes.
“Yes,” he breathed. “I mean. Yes, of course, what’s mine is yours. I hope you know that.”
The moths in Ed’s stomach now seemed to be attempting a violent escape. He nodded, at a loss for words.
“Right! Well. It suits you. You look lovely.”
Lovely. Ed turned that over, tucked it away into a corner of his mind just like Stede had tucked his scrap of red silk so delicately into his pocket.
“I poured you a nightcap,” Ed said, and gestured to the glasses of brandy on the table.
“Ah! Good,” Stede said. He strode over and swallowed his in two gulps. Ed stared at him.
“Everything all right, Stede?”
“Yes! Fine! Everything’s fine.” Stede bustled over to the bookshelf on the other side of the fireplace. “Where is it… aha!” With a look of triumph, he plucked a book from the shelf and began flipping through it.
Shit , Ed thought. Stede was hardly looking at him. Had he badly misread this situation? Was Stede not interested? If Ed had gone through all this for nothing, just to embarrass himself, he really was going to have the whole crew keelhauled. He took a deep breath to steady himself, and his shirt slipped just the tiniest bit further to one side, baring the line of his collarbone. Stede’s eyes flicked up just the slightest bit, and Ed felt a surge of triumph. But then his eyes went back down to the book.
Stede cleared his throat. Ed watched as the tip of his pink tongue darted out and he licked his index finger before turning a page. He imagined that tongue on his fingers. On his lips, on his throat, on his chest, on his…he realized Stede was talking.
“Sorry, what was that?”
“I said, I think I fancy a quiet night. I’m just going to read a bit, if that’s alright with you.”
Ed tossed his hair in what he hoped was an enticing way, feeling it fall gently around his shoulders. His shirt slipped another fraction of an inch and he was as reasonably sure as he could be without looking that his nipple was showing. He saw Stede’s eyes flick up to his chest again and then back to the book, the apple of his throat bobbing madly.
“Yeah, man, go ahead. I’d love to hear it.” He met Stede’s eyes and smiled his most seductive smile. Stede cleared his throat again and sat down.
“Oh! I, ah. I wasn’t planning to read aloud but. Yes. Of course, I can do that.
With thee conversing I forget all time,
All seasons and their change, all please alike.
Sweet is the breath of morn, her rising sweet,
With charm of earliest birds; pleasant the sun
When first on this delightful land he spreads
His orient beams, on herb, tree, fruit, and flower,
Glistering with dew; fragrant the fertile earth
After soft showers; and sweet the coming– ”
He broke off with a strangled sound. “Um…hm. Maybe let’s skip ahead, I don’t like this part.” A flush rose on his cheeks, and he flipped to another page.
“ How can I live without thee, how forego
Thy sweet converse, and love so dearly joined–
Ah, no, I think not.”
He closed the book with a decisive snap and placed it on an end table, then got up and walked over to the bookshelf where Ed was standing. Ed inhaled sharply as Stede approached, an inscrutable look in his eyes. Was he…? No. He couldn’t be making a move. Could he? Ed felt like he was pinned to the bookcase, and not in a sexy way.
“Ah, pardon me, Edward. I just need…” he reached over Ed’s shoulder and took another book off of the shelf. “Here, maybe, this…no.” He scanned the shelf, muttering darkly under his breath, brow furrowed like the books had personally crossed him. Ed wanted to reach out and smooth that furrow away. His hand lifted, like it had a mind of its own, reaching for Stede’s face, before he snatched it back and fiddled with the laces of his shirt, like that’s what he had meant all along. Stede turned, another book in his hands. He cleared his throat and opened it.
“Here we are,” he said, then his eyes flicked up to Ed’s and he frowned again. “What’s that around your eyes?”
Stede leaned closer to him, peering into his eyes. Ed could feel his breath, smell the brandy on it. Stede’s face was…very close. He could see the green flecks in his eyes, the crow’s feet, the freckles on his nose.
“Stede,” he said softly. “Have you been looking at my eyelashes?”
Stede blinked at him. He swayed closer, so close Ed could feel the heat radiating off of his body. Ed held his breath. This had to be it.
Then Stede took a step back.
“We are co-captains, after all,” he said, not meeting Ed’s eyes. “I know what my co-captain usually looks like. Are you dressed up for some…occasion?” He turned his back on Ed and poured himself another glass of brandy.
Ed narrowed his eyes. Did Stede know? What was he playing at?
“No,” he replied. “No occasion. Just wanted to look nice.”
Stede turned around and gave an exaggerated yawn. “Goodness, I’m tired. I think I’ll just read silently for a few more minutes before I turn in.”
Ed shrugged. “Whatever you like. ‘S kinda warm in here, don’t you think?” He gripped the hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head with one fluid motion. He looked over his shoulder at Stede and gave his hair another toss. Stede, for his part, was staring at Ed over the top of his book, his lips parted. The book was upside down.
“You alright, Stede?” Ed rolled his neck slowly, watching Stede’s eyes watching him. Stede squeaked. He dropped the book and threw himself out of his chair towards the door. Ed froze.
“I have to go…check on something on the deck!” Stede called as he rushed toward the door.
“Hang on!”
They were nearly the same height, but Ed had a couple of inches and his legs were longer. He put on a burst of speed and just barely beat Stede to the cabin door, holding it shut with one hand. His stomach felt like he’d swallowed a cannonball.
“Stede. Wait. I’m sorry. I can put my shirt back on!”
Stede let his forehead fall against the door with a thunk.
“No,” he said, his voice muffled by the door. “ Fuck .”
Then he turned, and planted his lips on Ed’s.
Ed froze for a moment. Stede was kissing him. He felt a jolt of triumph. He’d won the bet, but more importantly, Stede was kissing him. Stede’s hands were sliding around his waist, pulling him close, leaving a trail of sparks on his bare skin. He could taste the brandy on his lips; he wondered if Stede’s mouth tasted like brandy too. He slid his tongue along Stede’s lower lip and Stede’s lips parted as he gasped. His mouth did taste like brandy, and oranges.
Ed had only had one drink, but his head was swimming like he’d drunk the whole bottle. He was drunk on Stede, on the taste of his mouth and the smell of his hair and the feel of his body pressed up against Ed’s. Stede’s hands had moved from his waist, one settling on the back of Ed’s neck and the other clamped firmly over the curve of Ed’s ass. He could feel Stede’s cock hardening against his hip. He crowded Stede’s body against the door, running his hand along Stede’s thigh and lifting it to wrap around his, bringing their bodies closer together.
“You win,” Stede gasped as Ed pressed a kiss to his throat. “You win the bet.”
“Fuck the bet.”
Ed scraped his teeth along the soft skin of Stede’s neck and rolled his hips. He wanted to savor every sound that dropped from Stede’s lips, every gasp and moan and whimper, wanted to unwrap every layer of ridiculous ruffled clothing off of him and worship him and–wait.
“You know about the bet?”
Stede cracked one eye open.
“Yes, I know about the bet, but so do you, and I’d really like to keep doing this–”
“If you knew about it, then why were you being so weird?”
“I wasn’t being weird ,” Stede huffed. Both of his eyes were open and he was wrinkling his nose at Ed. “You were the one being weird! You were trying to seduce me!”
Ed shrugged one shoulder.
“Yeah, I was.”
Stede’s face fell. The cannonball was back in Ed’s stomach again when he realized how that must have sounded.
“Hey, no, no, it’s not like that!” He cupped Stede’s cheek with one hand. “I’ve been trying to seduce you for weeks, man.”
“Oh,” Stede’s lips turned up in a smile. “Well, that’s…”
Ed couldn’t resist kissing him again.
“Lovely,” Stede murmured against his lips.
They had made their way to the bed, and Ed was doing his level best to kiss every freckle on Stede’s shoulders and chest, when Stede suddenly gasped, “Wait!”
Ed froze where he was, mouth poised over Stede’s collarbone.
“The other part of the bet!”
“The what?”
Ed rolled over and propped himself up on his elbow so he could see Stede’s face, which was flushed an even deeper red.
“Ah…you know, the part about who’s going to…receive?” Stede’s voice trailed off into a whisper by the end of the sentence. Ed raised his eyebrows. Stede went on. “I’ve never, um. Never had…relations with a man before. And I suppose I had never really thought about being the one…receiving. But I think with you, I might like it.”
Ed’s eyebrows, already halfway up his forehead, shot practically into his hairline. His cock, already achingly hard, gave a twitch.
“If…if that’s what you want,” Stede said, looking unsure.
“As long as it’s you, I’ll be happy. You can fuck me, I can fuck you, we can do other stuff. We’ve got time.” He grinned as the realization washed over him. They did have time. And they could do whatever they wanted. “But being the one getting fucked, it, uh…it takes some prep. It’s not something you can just do the first time, y’know? Not if you want to do it right.”
“Oh, I had no idea. Goodness.” Stede frowned. “But then who wins?”
“Who wins…at sex?” Ed stared at him.
“No, Ed, who wins the bet! They were betting on who would be receiving!”
“I win. Because I fucking say so, and I’m fucking Blackbeard.”
“Oh, that’s very good, I like the oomph!” Stede beamed at him.
“I’ll show you some oomph.”
“Did you bet on us?” Ed asked some time later, when they’d cleaned up and their breathing had settled. His head was pillowed on Stede’s chest, and he never wanted to leave.
“Hm? Oh, yes. I thought I needed at least six weeks, though, to prepare.”
“Six weeks?! What for?”
Stede’s hand skimmed over his shoulder, down the arm he’d thrown around Stede’s waist. “Seduction is pageantry, Ed!”
“You’re a lunatic,” Ed snorted. “You could’ve just slung me over your shoulder and carried me to the bed.”
“Yes, well, there’s always next time. Now that I know what I’ve been missing out on–”
The door flew open with a bang.
“Captain! We’re about to pull into port, and Wee John and Roach are f–oh! Oh my God, I’m so sorry!” Lucius stood frozen on the door, a look of horror on his face. “I, um. Never mind. You keep doing what you’re doing, and I–am going. Goodbye.” He whirled on his heel and slammed the door behind him. They couldn’t hear his retreating footsteps over the sound of their laughter.
“Babe! Babe! It happened,” Lucius hissed, gesturing at Pete. Pete rushed over, followed by Frenchie. “I just went to find Captain Bonnet, and he and Blackbeard were in bed. Together!”
“So who wins?” Frenchie asked, bouncing on his toes. “I could use that money. Last time we were in Tortuga, there was this woman selling crystal-infused water that repels witches. And cats. Which is redundant, now that I think of it.”
“Oh, um. Blackbeard wins,” Lucius said, his face falling. “He was the only one who bet today.”
“You let him bet on himself?” Pete crossed his arms. “That doesn’t really seem fair, babe.”
“Well, I couldn’t exactly say no to him, could I, babe? ” Lucius snapped.
“But what about the other part of the bet?”
“Yeah,” Pete said. “Do you know if they actually fucked? Maybe they just did hand stuff.”
“Or mouth stuff,” Frenchie chimed in.
“We can’t exactly ask them–” Pete broke off as Lucius kicked his shin. “Ow, what the fuck!”
“Shut up,” Lucius hissed, the blood draining from his face. “Oh, Captain Blackbeard, sir, we didn’t see you there.”
Blackbeard snorted. “I fucking bet you didn’t.” He stood, shoulders squared, hand resting casually on the gun strapped to his waist.
“Captain on deck!” intoned Buttons, several minutes too late by Lucius’s estimation. Were they all about to be flogged? Keelhauled? Lucius cast a nervous glance around. The rest of the crew were pausing in their tasks and turning their attention to Blackbeard, who waited imperiously until all eyes were on him. He was like a thundercloud that had settled on the deck, all in black with an air of menace. Lucius had never been much for church, but he said a quick prayer all the same.
“The bet is over.”
Murmurs broke out in the crowd. Lucius closed his eyes. He heard Roach whisper, “but who won,” only to be shushed by Wee John.
“The bet is over, and I won.” He fished a coin purse out of his pocket and tossed it to the deck, where it landed with a loud thump. “I am generously matching the pot. Split it all among yourselves. The minute we make port, get the fuck off the ship. I don’t want to see any of you back here for 24–no, 48 hours.”
Roach raised his hand.
“If I hear any more questions or speculation about my dick, Captain Bonnet’s dick, or any other parts of our bodies, I will cut off your toes and feed them to you one by one.”
Roach put his hand back down. Blackbeard clapped his hands.
“Great. Good talk. Get back to work.”
Lucius let out a shaky breath, pulled the other coin purse from his own pocket, and set about divvying up the money among the crew. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a flash of gold. Captain Bonnet was sticking his very disheveled head out onto the deck, looking for Blackbeard. His shirt was open at the neck, and he had–oh God. A hickey . Lucius shuddered. He was happy for the captains, he really was, but–ew. Best to put it out of his mind and enjoy his shore leave.
“Do you think we’ll ever find out who bottoms? I really want to know now,” Pete said later that night, slinging his arm around Lucius’s shoulders. They were tucked into a cozy booth in the corner of a dingy pub.
“Well, they’ll probably never stop fucking now, so I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before one of us walks in on them.” Lucius grimaced and buried his face in Pete’s neck. “Oh God, babe, it’s probably going to be me.”
“Might be kinda hot.”
“Ew, no, it’s like walking in on your parents having sex!” Lucius wailed.
As it turns out, Lucius was correct. Within a week, he had walked in on the captains having sex in the ball room, in the jam room, and in the galley. He didn’t tell Roach about that last one, the poor man would probably never recover.
“I just hope they get it out of their systems soon,” he murmured to Pete as they fell asleep together, curled up on the deck. “And they’re vers, by the way. So we were both wrong. And that’s a thing I know about them now.”
“Huh,” Pete said thoughtfully.
“Aye,” came a doleful voice from the darkness. Lucius shrieked and grabbed Pete, who was attempting to turn his own surprised yelp into a cough.
“Buttons,” Lucius said weakly, clutching his chest. “Didn’t see you there. In the dark. Right next to us.”
Buttons stepped closer, the dim light of the moon illuminating his face. Olivia was perched on his head, as always.
“My nan always said, the truest measure o’ love is bein’ able to both give and receive.”
“His nan? ” Lucius mouthed at Pete, who shrugged.
“That's…a very nice sentiment, Buttons,” Pete said.
“Tis, isn’t it,” Buttons said. “She was very wise in the ways o’ love.” With that, he faded into the darkness again.
Lucius waited for his racing heart to calm and for the rocking of the boat to lull him to sleep. He had possibly ended up on the queerest ship in the Caribbean, in all possible meanings of the word, but he supposed it wasn’t so bad. He planted a kiss on Pete’s bald head and felt Pete’s arm tighten around his waist in response.
No, it wasn’t bad at all.