Chapter Text
Tony never imagined he would get married. When he was little he didn't really understand it. Being married didn't stop silent dinners with his parents sitting on opposite sides of the table. Being married didn't stop Dad from bringing home bubbly young women or, more secretly, young men. Being married didn't stop the fights or Mom from leaving for yet another “vacation”. As he got older being attached to a single person for his lifetime sent shivers down his spine. Even after Afghanistan, after he had gotten together with Pepper, he still couldn't imagine being married. Of course he loved Pepper with all his heart, she was the greatest thing that had ever happened to him, but, he couldn't picture them married.
When Pepper left, with a sad smile, a kiss on the cheek and a promise to still be friends, Tony was certain that he would be alone for the rest of his life. Pepper knew him so well, they were best friends, a killer team and good lovers and if Tony couldn't make it work with her then he couldn't make it work with anyone. Until Bucky.
“Too bad you won't be able to wear white to our wedding,” Bucky said, lying next to Tony and toying with the curls at the base of his neck. Tony froze. Panic clawed his belly and he stared wide-eyed at Bucky.
“Wedding?” he squeaked, scanning his recent memories for any time he might have given Bucky an indication that marriage was on the table. He should have expected this. They had been dating for two years. This was a 40s thing, wasn't it? Was Bucky going to dump him if Tony wasn't willing to get married? Tony would never let that happen, even if that meant preparing for a wedding.
“I mean, assuming we could get married. Steve told me that sodomy was no longer illegal, but, I didn't think to ask about marriage,” Bucky murmured, eyes sliding closed so he missed the look of terror on Tony's face.
Tony could feel his heart pounding in his throat as his mind raced through endless possibilities. And thus began the most awkward two weeks of Bucky and Tony's relationship.
Bruce talked about a newly discovered flower which had some biological properties that could help people who were infertile and Tony panicked about whether Bucky would want a spring or summer wedding with lots of flowers. Tony may have started to panic about children, but, he shut that thought down the second it entered his brain. He earned his six month AA pin two days ago and he wasn't going to let potential future children ruin his winning streak. Bucky noticed Tony pouring his alcohol stash down the sink and didn't say a word, just took the cap off another bottle and sent the ember liquid whirling down the drain.
Natasha mentioned running rings around a US senator and Tony's stomach plummeted 73 floors, from the common floor to his workshop. He spent 36 hours straight in his lab, wondering if it would be better to replace one of the rings of Bucky's metal arm with a new Gold-Vibraniumalloy or if he should go out to a custom jeweler and buy an actual ring. Bucky brought him lunch, dinner and breakfast at the appropriate times before urging a whining Tony into bed.
Clint complained about the tower's silverware and Tony spent hours researching wedding plate sets. Thor told everyone a tale about how he once had to help his mother write wedding invitations and later that day Tony collapsed into bed, his hands inked stained and spasming from writer's cramps. Steve made an offhand joke about Tony looking good in a dress and Tony stopped thinking.
He was exhausted, jumpy and had no idea what Bucky was expecting of him. He did the only thing he could think of.
___
“Pepper, I think I might have accidentally proposed,” Tony said, squeezing his phone so hard the plastic casing creaked. He heard Pepper roll her eyes through the phone.
“Tony,” she started, her tone full of foreboding. “What the hell are you talking about? This better not become a PR nightmare. I thought you were doing well with Bucky?”
“Yeah and then he said something about marriage and all the Avengers started talking about it. Steve mentioned Bucky's ring size the other day and I'm having nightmares about tiered wedding cakes,” Tony whined, spinning his desk chair around the workshop. Dummy bleeped at him in concern as he rolled past. “The worst part is that I don't remember proposing. Or maybe Bucky proposed and I forgot. Could that happen? I couldn't miss something like that. Pepper, help. I don't know what to do.”
“I can't believe I'm helping you with this,” Pepper muttered. “You owe me some nice new shoes and a perfect bridesmaid's dress.” Pepper took a deep breath and Tony waited, tapping at the arc reactor. “Do you want to be marrying Bucky?” she asked.
Tony stilled. He hadn't even thought of that. Did he want to get married to Bucky? They had been dating for a little over two years. They were living together, eating together, on missions together and they slept together. Tony took a deep breath and pictured it; Standing next to Bucky, dressed in a tux with the rest of the Avengers gathered around them. He wondered if Jarvis could officiate and one of the bots could be the ring bearer. It made his stomach clench and his heart flutter in a surprisingly positive way.
“I think, maybe, I wouldn't mind,” Tony said, each word coming out halting and unsure. “We haven't ever talked about it.”
“Talk to him about it. Make it a long engagement if you want more time to get used to the idea. He suits you Tony in a way I never could and you deserve to be happy,” Pepper said, her voice softening and Tony was achingly grateful for her support.
“Thanks Pepper. You'll be my best man, 'kay?” Tony said, thankful that Pepper would read into that and realize what he meant, even if he couldn't say it.
“Damn right I will be. Rhodey will just have to suck it up,” Pepper said, a smile in her voice. “Now go talk to Bucky. And you've got a meeting with the board on Thursday at 3pm. Don't miss it.”
“Will that be all Ms. Potts?”
“That will be all Mr. Stark.”
Tony hung up the phone and sighed, leaning back in his chair. Now he just had to talk to Bucky. It couldn't be that hard.
---
“I well- You see, I just wanted to clarify that- I mean, you're great. You're fantastic and I- I don't know how to say this. I mean, well,” Tony stuttered to a stop and slumped, glaring at his mirror image as if it personally offended him. “Well fuck.”
This was not going well. Tony couldn't say wedding or marriage without stuttering and tripping over his own tongue. He sighed and tugged at his hair. Why was this so hard? In the week after he spoke to Pepper he had written out twenty-three speeches, made thirteen spreadsheets, tried spelling it out using post-it-notes, asked Jarvis for help and got nothing, but, sass in return. Hell, he even drew a picture. It didn't help.
Even worse, Bucky had started acting off. He knocked before coming into Tony's lab. He didn't go out of his way to touch Tony anymore. He even spent the last few nights in his own room. Tony wasn't sure what the hell was wrong, but, it wasn't helping his concentration.
What if Bucky had changed his mind? What if he wanted to break-up with Tony and so he was slowing stepping away from their relationship? The questions whirred in Tony's head like flies, every single one made his hands shake and his gut clench.
He pulled at his hair again, until it stuck up from his head. He looked like he had been electrocuted.
“Okay, let's try this again,” he said, taking a deep breath. “So Bucky, I need to talk to you.”
“Yeah? What's up?” Bucky asked, leaning against the door-frame of the bathroom. Tony jumped, flailing and spinning. Bucky had a frown on his face and heavy bags under his eyes. His shoulders were drooping, his hair was unwashed, he was wearing his baggiest sweater and Tony was positive that Bucky was the most gorgeous person in the world.
“Oh hey! Didn't see you there. Well, now I do. I mean, you're right there,” Tony said. His face could have started on fire and he wouldn't have noticed.
“Hmmp,” Bucky snorted, his lips tilting up at the ends as though he couldn't help his smile even though it hurt him. “Yeah, Tony. I'm here. Now what did you want to talk about?”
“Uhh,” Tony said, his eyes darting to look around the room. One of the nails holding up the mirror was loose. He would have to fix that later. “I well- I'm not sure how to say this. I-”
“I get it Tony,” Bucky said and his whole body wobbled.
“Yeah?” Tony asked.
“We aren't working out. It's not you, it's me,” Bucky said and Tony's jaw dropped.
“What?” He squeaked. His lungs were on fire, his eyes stung and he tugged at his hair. “I- I- oh my god.”
Bucky looked devastated. “I don't want your pity. Be level with me and just say it.”
“I want to marry you,” Tony blurted out and froze. That's not what he wanted to say and Bucky didn't look happier. “You are fantastic. I couldn't even imagine knowing someone like you. I'm incredibly lucky. I mean, getting to meet you was a statistical impossibility, though obviously not impossible because you're here right now. And I mean- I never thought I would find someone like you. I always figured I'd end up dying before I hit thirty so. Yeah. And now I don't. Want to die at thirty that is. I just, want to live. With you. For as long as you want. That would be nice. That would make me happy. Pepper says I deserve to be happy. But, you don't have to say yes. You're wonderful. I know you could find someone a millions times better than me, but, I hope you don't. Because I kinda love you. A lot. And so that's- Yeah.”
Bucky was staring at Tony like Tony had just told him he was quitting the Avengers to become a hot dog vendor at Central Park. Tony tugged his hair again, feeling a sharp sting as some of the strands were pulled out of his scalp.
“You don't have to say anything. You can just walk away right now and I won't mind. I mean I will, because I love you, but, don't let that stop you. I thought you might want to know. But I can see that you weren't expecting this and I'll just shut-up now. Ignore me. We can pretend this never happened,” Tony stuttered to a stop, unable to keep his eyes open any longer. He knew he probably looked pathetic. He could feel his shoulders hunching and he didn't know what to do with his hands. He was shaking and sweaty and god this was such a terrible idea-
“You never asked me.”
“What?” Tony said, his eyes flying open to look at Bucky's smile. Smiling, that was a good sign, right?
“Tony. You never asked me to marry you,” Bucky said, looking at Tony pointedly, but, Tony didn't get it.
“Tony, ask me to marry you,” Bucky demanded and Tony dropped to one knee. He wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans and looked up and Bucky.
“I don't have a ring,” Tony said.
“I don't care. Tony, ask me.”
“Will you marry me?” Tony asked, staring at Bucky's slow nod with wonder and growing giddiness.
“Yeah. I think it's a sound decision,” Bucky said, dropping to his knees in front of Tony and pulling him into a kiss that left Tony's body shaking, in a good way.
“You are such an idiot. You scared me,” Bucky admitted, his metal hand fisted in Tony's shirt and his forehead pressed against Tony's. It was grounding.
“Sorry,” Tony murmured, running his fingers up and down the metal, fitting a nail between the rings of Bucky's arm. Bucky's body was warm against his and Tony couldn't believe that Bucky had said yes.
“Christ Tony. You started acting all funny and I thought we were over,” Bucky said, his voice shaking as he sunk down, pulling Tony into his lap.
Tony really didn't mind. He tucked Bucky's head under his chin and wrapped his arms around Bucky's shoulders. He grinned, then he chuckled and Bucky peered up to give him a look.
“I just- I thought that you wanted to get married and I freaked out, so you freaked out because you thought that my freaking out meant we were going to break up. God, you and me Barnes. We're a mess,” Tony said and buried his nose in the soft strands of Bucky's hair. Bucky chuckled and sighed.
“Yeah, baby-doll, but, now we'll be a married mess. Now where's my handcuff,” Bucky drawled, playing up his thick Brooklyn accent, like he always did when he wanted to make Tony smile. It worked.
“Handcuff, huh? Darlin' your 1920s is showing,” Tony said, pressing a kiss to Bucky's temple before flailing and grabbing onto the sink to pull himself up. “Seriously though, I've got like a shit ton of ideas for rings and I've got no clue what you want. Come down to the lab with me and I'll show ya.”
Bucky grinned at him and linked their fingers together. Tony bounced off to his lab, dragging Bucky along behind him. After the complete mess of proposing it's not like wedding planning could get any worse. Right?