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Christmas music drifts through the Grant-Nash household while Buck helps Bobby at the grill, preparing dinner for the team. By “helping,” Buck is really just talking Bobby’s ear off while Bobby flips burgers and turns veggie kebabs on the grill. The team is scattered throughout the backyard, a few people standing inside to escape the chilly night as they gather for Bobby’s annual Christmas party.
“You think they’ll like it?” Buck asks, suddenly nervous that his gift for Eddie and Chris is overstepping – of course, it’s not the only gift he got them, but it was something he thought the three of them could share together. There’s just something a little extra intimate about a “family” membership to the Los Angeles Zoo and Botanical Garden, when, technically speaking, Buck isn’t a part of their family. But it’s not like they have a membership package called “Family plus best friend and/or godparent package.” So, Buck bought the family package, and desperately hopes that he will still be included. Besides, Chris will love the monthly Zoo View Magazine that members receive.
“Yes Buck, they’re gonna love it.” Bobby says for the umpteenth time since Buck told him about the idea. “You know Chris loves any chance to take a day trip with you,” he adds. “So does Eddie.”
Buck smiles at the affirmation. “I just want them to know how much they mean to me,” he says quietly, looking through the glass door to where Eddie stands inside, laughing at something Karen said. The white lights from the Christmas tree casts a warm glow over his face, and Buck thinks he looks especially beautiful right now. Laughing freely, finally comfortable in his own skin. Buck is so proud of him and the progress he’s made. He never wants to have to break his door down again.
“They know Buck,” Bobby says, glancing over to Buck and following his gaze. “And they care about you just as much.”
It makes Buck smile again, but in a wistful sort of way. He knows he means a lot to them, that Eddie cares about him, that Chris adores him. But not the same way Buck cares about them. He thinks about the family membership he bought them, and how much he longs to be an official part of the family. How he wants more than just trips to the zoo or aquarium, more than just crashing on the couch after movie night. He loves those things, of course he does. But it’s not those things that have made the Diaz household his home. It’s Eddie and Chris. And he wants them every morning when he wakes up. He wants to wake up in Eddie’s arms, to cook breakfast for Christopher and get him ready for school, make Eddie a cup of coffee so he can stay in bed for a little bit longer. He wants it all, and he aches something awful looking at Eddie laughing in the kitchen, out of his reach.
He swallows it down. “Yeah, I know,” he says instead.
“Here, help me bring these inside,” Bobby says, interrupting his thoughts and handing him a tray of burgers.
After dinner, they all sit around the table, stuffed and satisfied. The sweet scent of sugar cookies fills the kitchen as May pulls her homemade cookies out of the oven. She looks specifically at Buck and says, “We need to let them cool before we eat them.”
Buck groans in frustration as if it’s the biggest inconvenience to wait a few minutes to eat a cookie. To be fair, they smell really good.
Eddie nudges Buck’s knee with his own under the table. “How about we step outside for some fresh air while we wait?” he asks quietly, leaning in closer to Buck. Buck isn’t one to deny Eddie anything, especially when he’s sitting so close. He nods, and they stand from the table together to step into the cool night.
“So, uh, Christmas is this week.” Eddie says, his voice sounding unsure. Buck looks at him with a raised eyebrow.
“Wow, astute observation,” he teases, looking around at all the Christmas decorations at Bobby and Athena’s house, for their Christmas party.
Eddie huffs a laugh, cheeks reddening. “Yeah. So, I know you’ll probably spend it with Maddie, Chim, and Jee, and this is last minute, but if you want, Chris was wondering – and I was wondering – if maybe you would want to spend at least part of the day with us? Chris would love if you’re there for presents in the morning, but you could stay the whole day too.”
“Eds, of course I’ll spend Christmas with you,” he says, his heart swelling in his chest at the invitation. Christmas for the Diaz’s has been complicated the past several years. Shannon returning for their first Christmas in LA, the next year being their first Christmas without her, and then last year right after Eddie had quit the 118. Buck had been a part of every Christmas season, but this would be his first time truly celebrating the day with them, without work getting in the way. And he wanted to make sure it was special.
He can feel the smile spread across his face, unable to contain his excitement. His smile is reflected on Eddie’s face, who looks just as happy about Buck’s response.
“Okay. Okay great,” he says, looking at Buck, his eyes bright despite the darkness around them.
“Cookies are ready!” Chimney shouts, stepping through the glass door onto the patio with Hen.
Buck looks back at Eddie one last time, lips tugging back into a smile at the soft expression on Eddie’s face. They’re both about to step back towards the kitchen, when Chimney stops them.
“Don’t move!” he shouts, making Buck and Eddie freeze, confused. Then a smile spreads across Chimney’s face. “You two have to kiss first.”
Buck knits his eyebrows in confusion, heart stammering in his chest at the thought of it, mind racing to figure out what Chim is getting at.
“What are you talking about?” Eddie asks, sounding exasperated.
Both Hen and Chimney stand by the door with wide eyes and big grins on their face, before pointing to something above Buck and Eddie’s heads.
Slowly, they both raise their eyes upwards. Buck stops breathing, his stomach doing a summersault as he sees the mistletoe hanging from the branch above them.
“C’mon guys –” Eddie starts, rolling his eyes.
“Nope!” Chimney shouts, “You’re not coming back inside for cookies until you’ve kissed, mistletoe rule!” he says, before him and Hen slip back inside, sliding the door closed behind them. Buck gulps, hearing the lock click and seeing them laughing on the other side of the glass door.
It’s fine. It’s just a kiss under the mistletoe. It’s a Christmas tradition, and in this case, just a joke. Not a big deal. He can play along – his only other choice is being weird about it, which sounds too much like revealing his feelings. So, he swallows it down and looks at Eddie who is still standing frozen, staring up at the mistletoe hanging above them.
Buck forces an easy smile. “C’mon, I’m not that bad,” he jokes. The tension in Eddie’s shoulders lessens a little and he laughs softly. “No. No you’re not,” he admits. “So, what do we do?”
Buck shrugs, trying to remain casual. “I guess we just suck it up and French a little.”
Then Eddie really laughs, and Buck feels himself warm all over at the sound. “Okay, okay fine. Just don’t say ‘suck it up and French a little.’”
“Okay, let’s do this.” Buck takes a small step closer, hoping Eddie can’t hear the way his heart pounds against his chest. If this is the only chance he gets to kiss Eddie, then he’ll take it, ignoring the fact that it might make him hurt all the more.
Eddie leans in closer, licking his lips.
“Why are you licking your lips?” Buck asks, Eddie’s awkwardness emanating from him as he lifts his hands before dropping them back to his sides as if he doesn’t know what to do.
“Should I not – do you want dry lips?” Eddie asks, judgement lacing his tone.
“Well, no,” Buck admits. But who licks their lips like that before a kiss? It makes it all feel so unnatural. Which it was. But still.
“Then I’m just licking them to make it better.”
“Okay, fine,” Buck says, nerves simmering beneath his skin as he feels Eddie breath fan across his face.
“Okay. I’m gonna do it now.” Eddie’s eye’s flicker to Bucks lips.
“Okay,” Buck breaths. His heart rate picks up, and he’s vaguely aware of the others chanting “Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!” behind the door, but that hardly matters when Eddie is leaning in closer, and Buck can feel Eddie’s warm breath on his lips.
Then Eddie takes a half step away. “Sorry, Buck. I don’t know if I can do this.”
Buck let’s out a sigh of frustration, the voices of their friends’ chant becoming clearer to him now that Eddie has stepped away. Buck tells himself it’s not a big deal again. But at this point he just wants to get this over with so their friends will leave them alone and they can go inside, eat some cookies, and pretend like this never happened. Because it’s not a big deal.
“Eddie, let’s just get this over with.”
“Buck, are you sure – ”
“Eddie, just kiss me,” he says impatiently.
“No, I’m not gonna kiss you,” Eddie says, as stubborn as always.
“God, Eddie, just kiss me,” Buck says, voice raising with frustration and anxiety.
“Not like this,” Eddie shouts. His eyes go wide, and he shuts his mouth quickly, taking a step back.
Buck freezes. Everything around him freezes too, and he’s only aware of his hearth threatening to beat right out of his chest and Eddie standing right in front of him. His mind races to figure out what Eddie means and to form some coherent thought.
“Eddie, what – ”
“That’s not – it’s just – ” Eddie stammers, confusing Buck even more. Eddie doesn’t stammer. He says what he means.
Eddie lets out a heavy sigh. “I’m sorry,” he says quietly, looking away from Buck.
Buck is still searching for his voice, trying to figure out what to say, how to clarify what Eddie meant, when Eddie turns on his heel. “I should get going, gotta get Chris to bed,” he says, walking away from Buck.
“Eddie, wait,” Buck calls after him. “Chris is sleeping over with Denny tonight!” But Eddie keeps walking, going around the side of the house to bypass the backdoor where their friends have locked them out – now standing quietly as they watch – leaving Buck standing underneath the mistletoe, alone and confused. Buck glances towards the backdoor, where Hen and Chim immediately turn and pretend to be preoccupied.
Buck takes a deep breath, and heads back to the party, hoping his friends will have mercy on him and ignore the elephant in the room, that Eddie would rather leave the party than kiss Buck. It didn’t mean anything. It didn’t mean anything. He says it to himself like a mantra throughout the rest of the night.
No matter how hard he tries, Buck can’t stop thinking about it. Not like this. The whole moment is on replay in his head even after he’s said goodnight to everyone and thanked Bobby for hosting. It replays in his head long after he’s returned to his empty loft, devoid of Christmas decorations, and certainly no mistletoe. Not like this. Eddie couldn’t have meant it the in the way Buck thought. If so, why would he have run? No. Buck had been too eager, too desperate. He must have revealed himself. And Eddie wouldn’t kiss Buck knowing about Buck’s feelings and not returning them. He knows Eddie wouldn’t do that to him.
He's pulled from his thoughts by a knock at the door, surprised to have a visitor at this time of night. He pads across the floor in his sweatpants and sweatshirt, certainly not dressed for company, he thinks. He swings the door open and his breath catches in his throat. Eddie stands on the other side of the door, his hair soft and loose, and his scruff after not shaving all day darkening his face. He’s still wearing the flannel from earlier, the one that hugs his biceps in the best way possible. The sleeves are rolled up to his elbows, showing off his forearms, which Buck decides he must be doing for the sole purpose of making Buck’s mouth water.
“Eddie, hi.”
“Hey, Buck,” he says, smiling softly. “Uh, Chris is at a sleep over.”
“Right,” he says dumbly, still processing that Eddie came to his loft unannounced after what happened this evening. “Come on in,” he adds, turning to walk back into the apartment. Before he can get any further, he feels Eddie’s hand wrap around the crook of Buck’s elbow, spinning him back around and pulling him into Eddie’s arms. And then Eddie’s lips are on his, and Buck can’t do anything but kiss him back. Immediately, Eddie’s hands find their way around Buck’s back, pulling him close until their bodies are flush from hip to chest. Buck wraps his arms around Eddie’s neck, desperate for him.
Eddie kisses like Buck is the last drop of water in a desert and this is his only chance for survival. Like he’s a starving man, and Buck is the only thing that can satisfy him. Each of Buck’s senses are consumed by Eddie as he sucks Buck’s lower lip into his mouth, angling their heads to deepen the kiss. In the back of his mind, Buck thinks that he’s never felt so held before, despite the intensity and desperation of their kiss. Eddie is kissing him. Eddie is kissing him like he needs it to survive, and Buck never wants it to end.
Eddie breaks the kiss, leaning his forehead against Buck’s as they gasp into each other’s mouths, both of them clinging to each other. Then, Eddie leans in and kisses Buck again, soft and slow this time, like he’s savoring the taste of Buck. He’s not sure how much time passes; it could be minutes or hours. All Buck is aware of is the softness of Eddie lips against his own, Eddie’s strong arms holding him tightly, and the sounds of their breaths and kisses over the pounding of his own heart.
Slowly, Eddie breaks the kiss. He looks at Buck through dark, hooded eyes, in a way that takes all the air out of Buck’s lungs.
“I meant something like that,” Eddie says, his voice low and rough.
Then, Eddie is stepping away, turning to walk back through the door that was left open and closing it behind him, as if he hadn’t just turned Buck’s world upside down.
It’s Christmas Eve, and Buck still hasn’t heard from Eddie. The holidays set Buck and Eddie on a different schedule at the station this week, so he hasn’t even been able to see him at work. It’s not like Buck has reached out to Eddie either, it’s just that Buck’s not sure what the etiquette is in this situation. It’s not like his best friend who he’s in love with has ever kissed the daylights out of him after refusing a simple little kiss under the mistletoe. So, Buck doesn’t exactly know what to do in this situation.
Eddie kissed him.
Eddie had kissed him like Buck had never been kissed before. And Buck doesn’t know what it means. What it means to Eddie. If it even means anything to Eddie.
And now Christmas is tomorrow, and Buck doesn’t know if he’s still welcome for Christmas with the Diaz boys or if he managed to screw up one of the most relationships in his life.
“Are you okay, Buck?” Maddie asks while he helps her with the dishes after dinner. He spent Christmas Eve with them after his shift, helping cook dinner and watching a Claymation movie of Rudolph with Jee.
“Me? Yeah of course,” he replies, hoping she doesn’t notice the way his voice wavers. But of course she does.
“Forgive me if I don’t believe you,” she says, leveling him with a look. “You’ve been quieter since Bobby’s Christmas party,” she points out, handing him a dish to dry. She was there. She saw what happened. And as the only person he has confided in about his feelings for Eddie, she knows how Eddie leaving the party so abruptly over a silly mistletoe made him feel. But she doesn’t know about the kiss that followed. The mind blowing, life altering kiss.
“He invited me to spend Christmas with them.”
Her eyes brighten, but she doesn’t look surprised. “That’s great, Evan!”
When he doesn’t respond, she continues. “So, what’s the problem?”
“We haven’t talked since… that,” he says, referring to the kiss, but knowing she’ll think he means the party.
She dries her hands and turns toward him, giving him that soft smile that always makes him feel better. “Just talk to him. I guarantee he and Chris will still want you there, but you won’t know if you keep ignoring what happened. It’ll take a lot more to get between you two – he cares about you, Evan.” she says kindly, always so wise and helpful, even when Buck isn’t giving her the whole story.
He nods. “No, you’re right. I’ll text him tonight.”
After sitting with Maddie and Chim to read Twas the Night Before Christmas to Jee before bed, Buck says goodnight and heads to his car. He pulls out his phone and types a simple text message.
Buck: still good for tomorrow?
He shuffles a playlist, puts his phone down, and drives back to his apartment, trying not to stress.
He looks at his phone once he shifts into park, swiping to open Eddie’s response.
Eddie: Of course, Buck. See you bright and early for presents.
Buck smiles, sliding his phone into his pocket as he heads up to his apartment. Maddie is right, whatever is going on, they will work it out. It is Christmas, after all.
Buck shows up at the crack of dawn, just as Chris has come out to the living room in his pajamas bouncing up and down with excitement at the sight of the presents under the tree. As soon as Buck is through the door, Chris is pulling Buck down the hallway, begging him to “help wake dad up.” Buck is defenseless when it comes to resisting either of the Diaz boys, so he just smiles as Chris tugs him down the hallway into Eddie’s room before the sun has even peaked above the horizon.
“Daaaad,” Chris exclaims with far too many syllables. “It’s Christmas!!”
Eddie is just a lump under his comforters, his back facing them from where he lays on his side. “Christopher, what time did I say to stay in bed until?” he groans.
Christopher looks at Buck guiltily. “6:30…” he admits.
“And what time is it?” he asks grumpily from under the covers, making Buck smile. Chris looks up at Buck again in question, and Buck silently shows him the time on his watch.
“6:15… but Dad, Buck is here!”
Eddie turns onto his back, poking his head out from the covers to look at Buck. His soft hair is poking out in every direction, making Buck want to run his fingers through it to smooth it out. Or mess it up more. A gentle smile tugs at Eddie lips when he looks at Buck, and Buck aches at the sight.
“Merry Christmas, Buck,” he says quietly, his voice still rough from sleep. Buck smiles back, feeling a blush rise on his cheeks from seeing Eddie looking so soft and sleep rumpled.
“Merry Christmas, Eddie,” he says, feeling trapped in Eddie’s gaze. They look at each other for just a moment longer, but it feels important. Then the moment is over, and Eddie turns to Chris with a big smile on his face, holding his arms out for Chris, who crawls onto the bed into Eddie’s arms. “Merry Christmas, Superman!” Eddie says, squeezing Chris tightly, making him shriek in laughter.
Buck warms at the sight, relishing in this moment. He feels so lucky to be here with them, on Christmas morning before Eddie has even gotten out of bed. Almost like a real family. It’s so close to what he wants.
Eddie presses a kiss to the top of Chris’s head, looking up at Buck over his curls. “What do you say, time for coffee?”
Buck is about to agree, because he got up early after tossing and turning all night and he’s desperate for a cup of coffee, but Chris interrupts first. “No! Presents!”
Eddie laughs, ruffling Chris’s curls. “You woke me up early, coffee first.”
“Fine,” Chris groans in mock frustration, a big smile still on his face. “Can I have hot cocoa?” he asks, looking first to Eddie, then to Buck.
“What do you think, Buck? Should we let Chris have hot chocolate?” Eddie asks, smiling up at Buck from where he’s now sitting up in bed.
“Hmm,” Buck pretends to consider. “I suppose since it’s Christmas we can make an exception.”
“Yes!” Chris shouts, rolling off of the bed and making his way to the kitchen.
Eddie groans again, falling back against his pillows. “Guess this is my cue to get up,” he says, his eyes shut as if he wants to go back to sleep. Buck can’t help but to smile at him. He knew Eddie hates morning, but it’s different getting to see it in this context, still lying in bed, the sun only just starting to filter through his shut curtains. It makes him ache at how badly he wants this every day.
“Take your time,” Buck says. “I’ll get the coffee started and make Chris his hot chocolate.”
Eddie blinks his eyes open, still heavy from sleep, and looks at Buck. “Thanks, Buck,” he says softly.
Buck waves him off. “It’s really not a problem, your coffee machine is easy.”
“Not just for that,” Eddie says. “But for being here.”
Something in his eyes makes Buck’s nerves settle. They’re going to be okay.
“Why’d you get here so early anyways?” Eddie asks, swinging his legs over the side of his bed and finally standing up. Eddie stretches one arm over his head as he yawns, and Buck has to tear his eyes away from where Eddie’s shirt pulls up to reveal his tanned skin.
“You said to be here bright and early,” Buck states as casually as he can, even though his mouth has gone dry at the sight of Eddie’s toned stomach before he lowers his arms, and his shirt falls back into place. He’s wearing the same flannel pajamas as Chris, which Buck finds absolutely adorable.
“Yeah, emphasis on bright,” Eddie laughs. “You got here before the sun was even up.” Eddie stops in front of Buck, his brown eyes looking up at him wide and gentle. Buck tries not to think of the way Eddie kissed him, but with Eddie standing so close, he can’t help but remember the feel of Eddie’s lips on his own, firm and insistent.
Buck clears his throat. “I knew Chris would be awake.”
Eddie’s lips curve into a smile. Then he steps past Buck towards the bathroom, their shoulders brushing. “I’ll see you out there in a minute,” he tells Bucks, looking over his shoulder before stepping into the bathroom to get ready for the morning.
-
When Buck joins Chris in the kitchen, he’s already prepared all the ingredients for his hot chocolate. Buck has started the pot of coffee and is preparing Chris’s hot chocolate when Eddie steps into the kitchen, still wearing his pajamas. “Uh, Buck,” he says. “We actually have a gift you need to open before we start the morning he says,” his voice sounding unsure. “Chris, will you go grab it?”
Chris nods enthusiastically, going into the living room and coming back with a small package, poorly wrapped because neither of the Diaz boys know how to do it properly. It makes Buck smile. “Are you sure you don’t want me to wait until we start unwrapping the rest of the gifts?” Buck asks.
“Open it now!” Chris says excitedly. Eddie has a gentle smile on his face as he nods in agreement, handing Buck the gift.
Buck carefully unwraps it, smiling at the cute reindeer on the giftwrap that Chris chose. Buck’s heart melts, warmth spreading through the rest of his body as he lifts a set of pajamas from the box, matching the pair both Chris and Eddie are wearing. The pajamas are soft under his fingertips, and he looks up at a loss for words. He’s constantly amazed by the way Eddie and Chris always manage to pull Buck in and make him feel like he belongs here.
“Now you can be cozy for opening presents, too!” Chris smiles at him. Buck crouches in front of him. “Thank you, Chris, I love them.” He stands up and looks at Eddie, who’s watching him quietly. “Thank you,” he says, barely managing anything above a whisper. Eddie just smiles and says, “Go change, I’ll finish making the hot chocolate.”
The rest of the morning is filled with Christopher’s cheer as he opens presents from Santa, taking breaks in between to play with his new toys. They take a break midmorning to cook breakfast, the three of them laughing in the kitchen as Buck and Eddie tease each other while trying to flip pancakes without messing them up.
After breakfast they return to the living room to finish the presents, each with another cup of hot chocolate. Buck pulls out his gift for the both of them, nervous that it’s both too much and not enough at the same time. “Uh, I do have individual gifts for you, but this one I thought we – or at least, you two – could share.”
He had tucked each of their membership cards into a ribbon around the neck of three different stuffed animals from the zoo gift shop – one for each of them. He also added the most recent issue of the Zoo View magazine for Chris. Eddie holds the stuffed lion gently in his hands, pulling the membership card from the ribbon. Chris immediately grabs the elephant stuffed animal – his favorite exhibit – and turns to Buck with a big smile on his face. “Are you taking us to the zoo?” he exclaims, always excited about seeing animals.
“Yeah, whenever you want bud.” Buck says, happy to see Chris so excited. “It’s a, uh, well it’s a family membership. So, unlimited access to the zoo and tons of other perks,” he tells them, hoping Eddie doesn’t dwell too much on the fact that Buck is including himself in the “family” aspect of the membership.
Eddie looks up at him, and smiles. “It’s perfect, Buck.”
Christopher gives him a tight hug, and Buck can feel Eddie’s gaze on them as he hugs Chris back.
“You better, come with us when we go,” Eddie adds.
“If you want me to,” Buck says, looking into Eddie’s warm eyes. Eddie doesn’t look away, and Buck thinks maybe, maybe, the kiss did mean something to Eddie after all.
“Of course we do,” Eddie replies, and Buck’s heart swells in his chest. They only break eye contact when Chris gets their attention, interrupting the moment between.
“It’s time for your gift, Buck!” Chris says, grabbing one of the last gifts from under the tree.
“But you already got me a gift,” Buck says, gesturing at his pajamas that he plans to wear every night from now on. Chris rolls his eyes, dropping the gift in his lap. “Those are just pajamas. This is your real gift,” Chris says as if he thinks Buck is ridiculous for thinking that they would only get him pajamas for Christmas. Buck doesn’t need anything else for Christmas though, getting to spend this day with two of his favorite people was enough for him. He raises an eyebrow and looks at Eddie, who nods at him and tells him to open it.
He gently tears the giftwrap, smiling again at the poor wrapping, revealing a wooden box with intricate carvings around the edges, and his name engraved on the top. “It’s beautiful,” he breathes, admiring the careful woodwork.
“Open it,” Eddie says gently.
Slowly, Buck opens the lid of the box, peaking to see what’s inside. His breath catches in his throat as he sees an assortment of photos, crafts, and other items he’s collected throughout his time with the Diaz family. There’s a picture from when they built a skateboard for Chris, the three of them with huge, genuine smiles on their faces. The two heart drawings that he and Chris made are in there too. He’s speechless. He looks up at Eddie, who’s sitting next to him, with an almost worried expression on his face, as if he’s unsure if the gift is okay.
“Eddie, I don’t know what to say.” He thinks of Maddie’s baby box, and how he never had one. How his own family didn’t want to keep any memories of him, afraid of the constant reminders of his failure. But here, with Eddie and Chris, he’s wanted.
“You once told me about Maddie’s baby box and how you never had one. It got me thinking, and I guess I kinda just started keeping and collecting things from the time you spend with us, and, well, Chris and I started putting everything in a box for safekeeping. It was Chris’s idea to get a nicer box than the cardboard one we were using. And we thought you might like to have it.”
Buck feels tears sting his eyes, and he can’t think of anything to say so he pulls Eddie into a hug, tucking his head into Eddie’s neck and letting his tears fall.
“Thank you,” he whispers against Eddie’s skin. Eddie holds him close, and Buck shudders when he feels Eddie tenderly press his lips against Buck’s temple. “You always have a place with us here, Buck,” Eddie says softly, brushing a hand through Buck’s curls. Buck melts into his touch and thinks that maybe tonight he can find the courage to tell Eddie how he feels, what that kiss meant to him.
After a big dinner and two Christmas movies, Buck and Eddie finally say goodnight to Chris. The silence extends comfortably between them as they throw away the wrapping paper scattering the living room and collect ribbons to reuse next year. After the mess is cleaned, they fall onto the couch next to each other. Buck turns to look at Eddie, his breath catching when he sees that Eddie is already looking at him.
“Thank you,” Buck says quietly. “Not only for the gifts or today. For everything.” Eddie is so close, and Buck can’t help but to let his gaze fall down to Eddie’s lips.
Eddie brings his hand to Buck’s face, warm and gentle, brushing his thumb along his cheekbone with so much care. “You’re family, Buck. You don’t have to thank me,” Eddie whispers, his eyes wide and earnest as he looks up at Buck.
Eddie had been showing him all day. Making it known that Buck is a part of the family. But hearing the words directly from Eddie makes something warm bloom inside Buck’s chest, the knowledge that he’s not only wanted here, but that he truly belongs, settling something under skin that he didn’t know was there.
“Eddie,” he whispers, “why did you kiss me?” His heart pounds in his ears as the words tumble from his mouth.
“Because I love you,” Eddie says quietly without hesitation, stating it like it’s a simple fact about the world. And maybe it is. Maybe Buck was just too blind to see it, too scared to accept it.
Buck releases a breath he didn’t know he was holding; his hands find their way to Eddie’s neck before sliding up to cradle his head. Eddie is sitting so close, and suddenly Buck can see it. He can see the love shining in Eddie’s eyes, can feel it in the hand Eddie still has resting on Buck’s cheek. Buck pulls him in, placing a gentle kiss to Eddie’s lips, so soft that Buck would barely feel it if not for the electricity that shoots through his spine at the contact. It only lasts a second before Eddie pulls away, Buck unable to stop the whimper that falls from his lips at the loss.
“I take it that’s okay with you?” Eddie asks quietly, breath fanning across Buck’s lips. Buck realizes that he hasn’t said anything yet, though he assumes its written clearly on his face.
“Fuck, Eddie,” Buck starts, bringing his hands to Eddie’s perfect cheeks, brushing his thumb across Eddie’s parted lips, his touch soft. “Of course. I love you so goddamn much.”
With that, any barrier that may have been left between them is gone, their bodies pressing together as they fall into each other. Their legs tangle together as they end up laying across the couch, Eddie’s arm tight around Buck’s waist. The kiss is soft and slow as they revel in the feel of each other’s lips, less desperate than their first kiss in Buck’s doorway, knowing that there will be more to come.
“I’m sorry I didn’t kiss you,” Eddie whispers into Buck’s curls, later, when they’re lying in Eddie’s bed. Buck’s head rests on Eddie’s chest, their fingers tangled together while Eddie’s other hand traces patterns along Buck’s back. “Under the mistletoe. I wanted to. So badly,” he confesses. Buck presses a kiss to his chest. “I was just scared.”
“I was too. Besides, you more than made up for it,” he smiles, thinking about the way Eddie had grabbed him and poured every ounce of love into that kiss.
Eddie releases Buck’s hand, moving it to Buck’s chin to tilt his head up and capture his gaze. “And I’ll spend every day for the rest of our lives continuing to make up for it,” he says, his tone honest and sure.
“The rest of our lives?” Buck asks, breathless. A blush creeps up Eddie’s neck, spreading across his cheeks as if he hadn’t meant to say that, but he doesn’t take it back.
“You’re it for me, Buck. For both Chris and me. And I want to spend the rest of my life showing you how much we love you.”
“Marry me,” Buck says, the words slipping from his lips before he can stop them. Eddie smiles, bright and beautiful, before leaning down to kiss Buck.
“Yes,” he whispers into Buck’s mouth. “Yes,” he repeats, turning them over to push Buck into the mattress. Eddie quickly deepens the kiss into something more passionate, their hands roaming over each other’s skin as they learn every dip and curve of each other’s bodies, learning what sounds the other makes as they slowly take each other apart.
Buck’s not sure what time it is when they finally start to fall asleep, lying in each other’s arms, legs tangled together.
“I think this has been my favorite Christmas,” Buck admits. He feels Eddie’s chuckle more than he hears it.
“I’d have to agree,” Eddie says, a smile in his voice. “Chris will be so happy tomorrow morning when we tell him.”
Buck feels Eddie press a kiss to the top of his head, and Buck tightens his hold around Eddie’s waist. He drifts to sleep like that, safe and secure in Eddie’s arms, knowing that he will wake up to the start of the rest of his life - with his family.