Work Text:
Liam and Niall were sitting around in a hotel room. Nothing much was going on, they were lounging around after a concert. So typically that means turning up the tv really high as they do other things to block out the sound of their two bandmates trying to smash through the wall with the headboard.
Liam was flipping through a magazine as Niall scrolled through some Larry smut on his phone. He still hasn't found a way to tell Liam that he wishes the volume on the television was lowered so he could easily hear his bandmates. He's run out of good smut to read and he doesn't deem his imagination good enough. Please take a moment to spare a thought for this poor Irish boy. Donations can be made on onedirectionmusic.com/action1d.
Liam was finding it harder and harder to focus on the Health magazine Harry was making him read. He regrets tweeting about drinking those green smoothies. Anyways, reading while you feel like your asshole is on fire might just be the hardest thing to do.
Liam felt very confused of the situation. He can't remember having diarrhea in the past few hours. But then again, he was always a silly pasta boy. His confusion was fuelled when Niall talks.
"Mate did you let a lit cigarette in your pocket?"
Liam puts the magazine down and looks at Niall oddly. Niall rarely looks up from his phone screen when he uses it. Almost like he can't miss something. Niall smelled the smoke coming from Liam and looked up to tell him he can't smoke in this hotel room. How could Liam be so inconsiderate of the rules? The smoke could get in his eyes making it so he can't clearly see the words on his screen and Louis' about to come. Both in the fic and in real life Niall notes. Niall can feel the slight shake every time the headboard dents the wall.
Liam looks at Niall like he just shit all over his bed. It only happened that one time but Liam can't let shit go. So he just looks at him until the smoke gets in the way. Liam panics thinking his asshole might actually be on fire now. With a scream Liam jumps up and runs to the bathroom. He lifts the toilet seat and sits right into the water. Immediately the water started to bubble. Liam registers that he is not farting, but Niall on the other hand is currently farting out the chorus to Act My Age as he completely ignores Liam's freak out.
Liam forces himself out of the toilet like Harry forces his penis into Louis' bubble booty which then makes the headboard force through the wall. Once Liam is laying on the floor with a nice wet circle on the ass of his jeans, he's happy to see the smoke has stopped. He takes off his jeans since his wet jeans are wet and wet jeans are not comfortable to wear and you would know that if you have ever gotten stuck ass deep in a toilet. Please pray for this poor boy, donations can be sent to onedirectionmusic.com/action1d.
Liam is now naked on the bathroom floor of their nasty 2 star hotel room. There's a chunk of the floor missing and he just hopes to make it out without a disease. Liam feels something pop out of his ass quickly. It feels like a barbie doll shoved its head right through. He considers asking Niall if he did this, but the suspected barbie speaks.
"Can't I just enjoy a smoke?"
Liam immediately cries when he hears the voice and recognizes it as Zayn's.
"You left 1D Zain," Liam adds, through his sobs.
Niall appears in the doorway Harry and Louis naked at his sides with a hand over their hearts. A tear rolls down Niall's face but there is no onion this time. This is a sincere tear and it's not because he just finished reading this emotional Larry fic. Niall is holding his phone and through the speakers the chorus of Spaces plays into the tiny bathroom.
"I might have left 1D but I could never leave your ass Liam," Zayn says wholeheartedly as his small lips kiss the jungle of hair in Liam's ass crack. With that, Zayn sticks his head back into Liam's buns.
Liam continues crying while Niall strokes Liam's hair with his shoe and Harry and Louis crawl back through the hole in the wall they have created. The song comes to an end and there's an emotional pause after the emotional song. The next song starts to play, it's Act My Age.
Niall just says 'gotta go' before he runs out the bathroom and makes the whole room shake with his Irish jig, massive farts and headboard banging.