Chapter Text
What many Dominants do not understand, in fact, what many submissives do not know either, is that the true power and strength in a pair belongs to the sub. It takes a great deal of internal strength to give oneself over to another human being. Even if it is in ones nature to do so, the choice to trust that one person, that one Dom, with everything thing that you are is a serious one. A powerful one.
Submission does not make you weak. It makes you strong and you can use that strength to do anything.
The Power in Submission: A Guide to Recovery- Introduction- by Leah Hewlett
“Are you nervous for tomorrow?”
The word no started to form on Blaine’s lips, racing up out of habit and tradition. He was always fine when someone asked; it was just easier to be unseen and simple. Except with Kurt. He could never lie to Kurt.
Though, right here in this moment, saying ‘no’ didn’t feel like a lie. With his head resting on Kurt’s chest, his Dom’s nimble fingers rubbing soft patterns into his scalp, Blaine doesn’t feel nervous. Here in Kurt’s arms, nothing can hurt him. Kurt is an indomitable force; curling around him, seeping inside his chest to find the cracks that Blaine must live with. Right now, with his Dom, Blaine can handle anything. But that does not mean he is ready for tomorrow.
“Yes.” The word comes out hushed, half-whispered into the material of Kurt’s shirt and some part of Blaine wishes that it wasn’t heard. They had spent so long trying to get him comfortable with this idea once the paperwork been finalised, and Blaine would hate to be a burden now. Or a disappointment.
Kurt’s hands pulled Blaine’s face up till they were looking into each other’s eyes. His Dom’s lips were soft as always as they landed on Blaine’s and the submissive couldn’t help but sigh happily into the kiss. It was always like this when Kurt touched him. His body just naturally gave in, his need to be touched by Kurt was so strong that even if he wanted to resist (he didn’t, he never would) there was no way he could stop himself. There was no one more compatible for Blaine than Kurt, and when he was with him, when Blaine was able to be touched by him and touch in return, he forgot words and thoughts and ideas beyond yours, yours, yours.
The kid didn’t last long, Kurt pulled back for air much too quickly and Blaine couldn’t help but lean forward, reaching for Kurt again. The older boy chuckled, using one hand to push the wayward curls out of Blaine’s face.
“What was that for?”
Kurt smiled, dazzling in a way that made Blaine’s heart ache with its purity. “For being honest. I know that can’t have been easy for you and I’m proud of you. And because I could.” He finished off, laying another peck on Blaine’s own smiling mouth. Kurt was too good to him. But he wouldn’t pretend that the little rewards and encouraging words didn’t make Blaine the happiest he has ever been.
“Have you spoken to Finn yet?”
Blaine instantly looked down, shaking his head. It wasn’t that he hadn’t wanted to talk to Finn about how things would be starting at McKinley tomorrow. But Finn was helping at the garage a lot and often out with Quinn and Blaine didn’t know how to approach him. He didn’t want to annoy his Dom’s stepbrother with obnoxious questions or by taking up what little free time he’d had.
“Hmm,” Kurt hummed and Blaine knew that his Dom’s eyebrows were crinkled in disappointment and he felt it down to his core.
“I’m sorry, I just didn’t know how to ask him and he was so busy and I didn’t want to bother him and…”
A finger on his lips shut Blaine right up and he finally lifted his head to look at Kurt again. “Shush sweetheart, it’s fine. I didn’t give you a deadline before, so you’re not in trouble. However, I am going to give you one now. I want you to talk to Finn after we eat dinner with my family, ok? I want you to be prepared and there’s only so much I can tell you. I was never in submissive classes fulltime.”
Blaine’s stomached clenched at that visual. Kurt never should have been there in the first place. Not someone so strong, so powerful as Sir. It was so wrong to think of him learning how to kneel and crawl, learning how to submit and follow orders. That was a place for people like Blaine and Finn, not for Kurt. Never for Kurt. Even after weeks of being with Sir, he still hated the notion that someone had been dumb enough to ever think he was a Switch. It was absurd.
Not to mention the easy way in which Kurt could talk about his misclassification, as if it was just a phase in his life he was far over. Blaine would never be able to talk about his own troubles that way.
“Yes, Sir.” Blaine finally said, voice quiet.
“Good boy. Now, let go see if Carole needs help with dinner.” Kurt said, already starting to slide off the bed, Blaine following immediately after. They were silent as they walked down the stairs of the Hummel-Hudson household, the only noise the sound of Carole humming to herself as she worked. Finn was still at the garage with Mr. Hummel, but they’d be home in time for Family Dinner.
“Hello boys.” Carole was always so sweet, full of smiles and good nature. Blaine couldn’t help but feel jealous of her strength. She’d lived years alone, raising her son without a Dominant or anyone to care for her. It must have been tough, definitely something that Blaine could never do. Just having to go home a few nights a week and sleep in his own bed a few towns away made him stomach quiver with anxiety. “To what do I owe the honour?”
“We were wondering if you wanted with help with dinner.” Kurt said, pulling Blaine along with him into the middle of the kitchen.
“Sure. If you could chop those,” Carole said, pointing at a pile of carrots and potatoes, “that’d be wonderful.”
Kurt just nodded in response, letting go of Blaine to grab them both knives. Soon Blaine had one in his hand and a pile of carrots slowly getting chopped up on the cutting board before him. The three of them worked in silence and Blaine couldn’t help but feel content. If only this could be his life. He liked the nights he got to stay at Kurt’s, the days he got to eat dinner with them and later fall asleep in Sir’s arms. He wished he could stay like this forever. Never leave again. Never have to face tomorrow. Just the simple weeks of break they’ve had, with Sir to give him orders and make him feel good.
“Hello family!” Mr. Hummel’s voice yelled from the doorway. The loud sound of lumbering feet (mostly Finn’s doing) made its way towards the kitchen. He turned around in time to see Burt laying a soft kiss on Carole’s cheek before sneaking a hand towards the food. She smacked it lightly before the two of them laughed.
“Go get cleaned up, you two. Dinner should be ready in fifteen minutes or so.”
Finn’s grin couldn’t have been larger if he tried, food always made him happy. “Awesome, thanks Mom!”
“Yes, Finn, we all know you love food.” Kurt said as he gathered up freshly cut vegetables and put them in the pan. “Now go shower, because you stink.”
Blaine couldn’t help but giggle at the offended look on Finn’s face and he wasn’t the only one. He caught Mr. Hummel’s eye long enough for the man to wink at him, before the two trampled back out of the kitchen to do as they had been told.
“I’ll finish this up if you two will set the table for me.”
“Of course.” Kurt said, but Blaine was already reaching for the proper plates. He’d finally learned the layout of the kitchen well enough to be sure he was grabbing the correct items. Once he had a stack, he turned around to see Kurt with the proper silverware in hand, smiling at him with the same look one would give a cute kitten video on youtube. The submissive felt his cheeks heating up in response, even as he followed Kurt out of the kitchen and into the dining room, his heart beating faster as they set the table.
Before long the entire family plus Blaine was settled down at the table, plates being passed around as they all settled down to eat. Blaine could feel Kurt’s eyes on him as he piled his plate up, making sure that he ate a balanced meal. It was something that Kurt cared a lot about. He didn’t care if Blaine ate five meals a day, he just wanted to make sure what he was eating wasn’t too terrible for him. The thought always made the submissive smile, his heart clenching happily at the feel of being taken care of.
“So Blaine, are you excited to be starting at McKinley tomorrow? I know it’s been a long winter break.” Blaine dropped his fork back onto his plate, a piece of chicken still stuck to it. Mr. Hummel was looking at him expectantly and he tried to meet his eyes and smile, but it was hard.
“It’ll be different. I haven’t been at public school in a long time.” Almost seven months to the day, he thought to himself, remembering. His collaring had been a week after finishing his sophomore year. The summer spent not on vacation, but learning how to please Master. But never quite getting it right, never moving fast enough or bowing low enough, never good enough.
“I’m sure you’ll be fine Blaine.” Carole said, smiling gently from her seat across from him. He did his best to smile in response. “Kurt will be there and Finn too, if you need him.”
“Yeah, man. McKinley isn’t the best, but it could be worse. All our friends will have your back if someone gives you trouble.”
Blaine really did smile at that. He hoped Finn knew how grateful he was. It was hard being the new kid; even harder when they knew you were weren’t like everyone else. Formerly abused subs were… different. Kurt had had Rachel and Mercedes over a few times during the break, and even though they were nice they looked at Blaine those eyes. The pity so clear it was almost a tangible entity between them, their words carefully chosen like he would go running if they even spoke too loudly. It was going to be hard to be in a school full of people like that.
Sometimes it was just so hard; it made Blaine’s stomach drop just to think about his situation. But Kurt, wonderful Kurt, seemed to sense his change in mood and placed a gentle hand on his thigh under the table. Instantly he felt his breathing start to settle. He looked up to see Kurt watching him, a gentle look on his face. Blaine smiled to show he was fine.
The rest of the meal preceded normally, the general chitchat of a family sharing anecdotes from their day away from each other filled the air. No one brought up the fact that school was starting again. No one mentioned the way in which Kurt’s left hand never came back above the table, instead resting on Blaine’s leg. A constant point of contact, a constant truth.
Soon enough the meal was over, Finn and Burt carrying the dishes into the kitchen, since the other three had done the cooking. Kurt excused himself to the washroom, while Carole settled down in the living room to watch something from the DVR. Blaine hesitated, wanting to retreat back to Kurt’s room, but knowing that he couldn’t. Instead, he took a deep breath and entered the kitchen. He found the two men chatting about the latest Ohio State game.
The men didn’t pause speaking when he entered, clearly really into whatever conversation they were having. So Blaine sat down at the small table in the kitchen, waiting patiently for them to be done. He didn’t want to interrupt. While he waited, he practiced the breathing exercises they had taught him at Dalton. When nervous it was best to take deep breaths, imagine all the worry pooling in one place inside your chest. Then exhale, long and fully, letting all of the anxiety leave your body. Forcing it away.
“Oh Blaine, I didn’t hear you come in. Something I can help you with, Bud?” Burt asked, turning around after turning on the dishwasher.
“Oh, um, no, Mr. Hummel. I actually wanted to talk to… to Finn.” Blaine didn’t look up from where the table, but he could just see the look of shock on Finn’s face. He was probably sharing a strange look with his stepfather, wondering what Blaine could possibly want to talk to him about and thinking of better things he had to do.
“Sure. I’ll leave you to alone then. Holler if you need Carole, Kurt or me.”
The sound of a chair scrapping along the table made Blaine finally look up and he saw Finn looking at him with wide eyes. Not cruel or judging, but definitely a lot confused. But Finn was giving him a small smile and didn’t look too annoyed at being bothered. “What can I help ya with?”
“Well, uh, Kurt wanted me to talk to you about school. From a sub’s perspective, since he doesn’t really know all about it, since well...” He trailed off, not entirely sure what to say. Finn of all people knew what happened to Kurt, they lived together.
“Yeah, I know.” Finn finally said, nodding. A strange look overtook the other submissive’s face then, a look on contemplation as if he was thinking really hard on what to say. Blaine waited patiently, even if his skin crawled as he sat. It wasn’t that he disliked Finn, but he hated knowing that Kurt was so close, but he couldn’t be with him. He hated that he had to be such a bother to the entire household. But he’d hate disappointing Kurt even more, so he had to have this conversation.
“I don’t think McKinley is that different than any other normal school? We have classes and stuff like everyone else, since that’s, like, you know, the point.” It was clear that Finn wasn’t really sure what to say to Blaine. The boy lowered his eyes immediately back down to the table, chewing on his bottom lip as he let Finn speak.
“As for sub stuff, well we have submissive only classes in the afternoons. The last couple hours of the day. They’re nothing special, really. You probably already know since you’ve like, had a real Dom before.”
Everything came to a screeching halt inside of Blaine. His heart stopped. His blood, his breath, everything just paused for a precise moment as the words sank into his skin. ‘Had a real Dom before.’ Yes, Blaine had had a Dom, one that he wasn’t good enough for. Yes, Master had been cruel and mean to all his subs, but just because Master had been wrong didn’t mean Blaine hadn’t been wrong too. He was a bad sub, he tried, but he failed. Even now with Kurt…
Kurt. The world came rushing back, a large gulping breath hitting his lungs. Finn was half out of his seat, an arm reached towards him like he wasn’t quite sure what to do. One of Blaine’s hand lifted to rest on his heart, feeling is beat fiercely, as his other hand clenched painfully into his pant’s leg.
“Oh, man, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean it like that, I just meant that well, I dunno. But I’m sorry. Do you want me to go get Kurt, I can.”
“Finn, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it.” He managed to get through clenched teeth. He re-did some of his breathing exercises. They never worked like Mrs. Grave wanted them to, but at least he wasn’t going to start hyperventilating. Kurt would be so upset if he did. “Just, um. It’s fine. Is that all I should know?”
“I think so yeah. Mr. Schuester is in charge of sub relations, so if you need, you can talk to him.” Finn was sitting back down in his seat now, but he still looked really anxiously towards Blaine. “And um, try to be careful? There are some real jerks at McKinley. Usually the ones in letterman jackets. But, well not me. But some of the others. They like to try and Dominate uncollared submissives just to see if they can. The teachers try to stop them, but it’s a big school. So stick with Kurt or another Dom or Switch, if you can. Alright?”
The look Finn was giving him was full of so much anxious emotion Blaine couldn’t help but nod immediately. He didn’t plan to leave Kurt at all, unless he had to. So that wouldn’t be a problem. But it did make the boy’s left hand immediately go towards his opposite wrist, feeling the leather band that rested there. The weight of what it did and did not mean felt heavy.
Taking a deep breath, Blaine stood, pushing in his chair so he could get to Kurt as soon as possible before finally addressing the other boy. “Got it. Thanks, Finn.”
“It’s no problem. Just let me know if you have any other questions and, well, sorry again.”
Seeing the look on Finn’s face he couldn’t help but place a hand gently on his shoulder, just for a second, but he hoped it would be comforting. “It’s fine.”
-----
It wasn’t really fine. Even as he went to sit by Kurt’s feet in the living room, he never let go of his wrist. The band was just loose enough to fit a finger under if he tried and he knew that underneath the skin was pale and dull. It hadn’t seen sunlight since October, only coming off when Blaine showered. He hated taking it off, it was the only sign he had that he belonged to Kurt, that he should belong to Kurt. But even that didn’t feel like enough sometimes.
The weight of Kurt’s eyes on him was heavy, but Kurt didn’t say anything as they watched TV with the family, so neither did Blaine. Instead he rested his head gently on Kurt’s leg, closing his eyes every once in a while to just absorb the feel of being in his favourite position. There was nothing better than being at Sir’s feet, feeling his hand run possessively through his hair. Here he felt so very owned, so very Kurt’s.
“Alright, I think Blaine and I should head to bed. Want to make sure we get a good night’s sleep before our first day of school.” Kurt finally said, standing up and pulling Blaine with him. The family said their goodnights, none of then quite ready for bed yet. It was just the two of them that walked upstairs.
Kurt was quiet as they entered his room. Quiet as he did his nightly moisturising routine and quiet as they dressed for bed. Blaine couldn’t help but feel anxious as each second passed. Something was wrong; he could just feel in his bones. Had Finn indicated that something was wrong? Had Blaine not been quick enough to follow him upstairs and get ready? He thought and thought and thought as he climbed into bed and curled up with his Dom, but he just wasn’t sure.
“How did your talk with Finn go?”
The sound of Kurt’s voice was a relief, even if it had a strange, unknown quality to it. Maybe Kurt wasn’t upset with him, just quiet for some totally unrelated reason. “It was fine. He told me who to talk to if I needed and who to avoid.”
“Hmm and what did he say that made you so anxious?” Kurt asked again and this time Blaine knew what that tone was: suspicion. Perhaps even a bit of anger. “And don’t bother denying it. You’d been fingering your band all night, looking at it sometimes like you want to make sure it’s still there. What did he say? Do I need to have a talk with Rachel or Quinn or whoever he’s seeing now?”
Blaine shot up, leaning down over Kurt and seeing his expression. He looked angry, as if he was going to go fight a war in his submissive’s name and the younger boy couldn’t help the feeling of arousal he had at the sight. “No! Finn didn’t mean anything bad. He just well... He said there are kids that liked to-to Dominate uncollared subs for fun. And…”
“And technically you’re uncollared because I have to wait six months after reclassification to enter into a pairing.” His tone was flat now and Blaine could only nod, looking down and biting his lip.
“I’m sorry.”
Kurt’s hand raised to push the back of Blaine’s head closer to him, their lips only a hair’s breath apart. Blaine was distracted for a moment, eyes unfocused as the feel of being even closer to Sir washed over him. “You don’t have to be sorry Blaine. Not for worrying. But you should have said something to me.”
“I know.” His words were whispered, full of shame and sorrow.
“Then why didn’t you?”
Blaine paused before replying, feeling more shame settle into the pit of his stomach. “I didn’t want to bother you.”
As soon as the words left his mouth he felt his Dom stiffen beneath him, body pulled tight and rigid. He felt as Sir took one deep breath, two, three. Pulling them deep and holding them long, before finally letting them go. As if gorgeous eyes were closed as if looking at Blaine hurt him right now and there was nothing that could feel worse for the sub, nothing in the world. His Dom didn’t even want to look at him right now; he was such a disappointment.
“Who are you?”
The hard tone in Kurt’s voice told him that the answer wasn’t Blaine William Anderson. “pet.”
“Who am I?”
The hand holding the back of his head tightened and pet whimpered, the pain making him hard. “Sir.”
His Dom’s eyes finally opened, looking at him hard. “Yes, that’s right. I am Sir, your Dominant, and I do not need a contract with the government to know that. I do not need you wearing a collar with my name on it to prove that to anyone. Because you are mine, pet, you are mine and nothing will ever change that.”
Blaine’s breath quickened, falling in sync with Kurt’s as the words rushed over him. His skin started to tingle. The points where they were in contact felt hot, like a brand.
“Yes, Sir.” He whispered as Kurt rolled him over and started kissing and biting on his neck, hard enough to leave hickeys that wouldn’t fade by the time school started tomorrow. Hard enough to mark. Blaine let the sensation of his Dom’s power wash over him; his body feeling like it was sinking into a vat of pure Sir.
He was his.