Chapter Text
Your eyes hurt. The brightness of the hospital lights were blinding. When you turned your head, all you wanted to do was take the pillow and cover your face with it. Someone needed to turn them off.
"Ma'am? I see you're awake again. Are you feeling all right?"
You squinted and saw a woman dressed in a nurse's uniform, glancing down at you with concern. She checked your vital signs and her clipboard. "The doctor will be here shortly. Do you need me to adjust your pillow?"
"Uh, I'm fine. Could you turn down the brightness of the lights, though? They're hurting my eyes. Why am I in a hospital?"
She adjusted the operating panel and lowered the settings. "You've been in a coma for the last few days. You had an accident during a family outing. The doctor is coming in, I'll let him fill you in on the rest, and then you can ask him any questions you have. Call me if you need anything, okay?"
"Ah, and she's awake again. Good." The doctor had just walked in to greet you. A tired but sincere smile was visible on his face. "Y/N? I'm Dr. Hale. How are you feeling?"
Your mind was in such a fog that you couldn't even process what the nurse had told you about having been in an accident and then coming out of a coma. "I feel a bit light-headed and tired, those lights were really bright."
"We're sorry about that. I think we've dimmed them now. Is that easier on your eyes now?"
"Yes."
"Tell me, Y/N, can you tell me what you remember? Do you know why you're here?"
Lowering your eyebrows, your fingers fiddled with the scratchy white blanket. Your mind struggled to remember much of anything. "No. I was told that I was in an accident?"
"Yes, you were, you had a pretty nasty fall. You were hiking and got on top of a high rock to pose for a picture. You slipped and fell off of it. Thankfully, the drop wasn't high enough for you to break bones, but you landed on your head unfortunately. You lost consciousness and became comatose. But your wife and daughters have been there for you every moment."
That completely shocked you. You had a wife? You had daughters? Hell, you must've missed something because the last thing you remembered, you were very much a single Pringle.
You gulped. "I have a wife and daughters?" And just how many daughters did you have? Two? Three? Eight?
"Your wife's name is Alcina. You have three daughters: Bela, Cassandra, and Daniela. Do those names sound familiar to you?"
You shook your head. Those were lovely names, but they didn't ring a bell to you. How come all of this wasn't clear to you? "No, they don't." Finding out you were married and that you had a family was too much to take in.
"Okay, well, they are very anxious to see you. They'll be happy to know that you're well for the most part, and that they can even take you home this afternoon." With a sad smile, the doctor took a seat on his round stool and scooted it closer to your bed. "This is going to come as a shock to you, and while all of this is going to sound really overwhelming to you, I do have good news for both you and your family. You suffer from something called dissociative amnesia. This specific type of memory loss is often caused by stressful or traumatic events. Like being in a car accident, or being a victim of a crime. In your case, it was a bad fall to the head. Your mind is going to have some gaps. With dissociative amnesia, and depending on how extensive it is, an individual may forget their personal information. Their name, perhaps. Their history. Their family and friends. The best thing to do is to give yourself time as you slowly try to remember everything you can. It would be good for you to be with your family and to maintain a regular routine with them. I talked to your wife, Alcina, and she's going to help make this easier for you. We don't want to add too much variety and new things to you, as you're already going through enough of that right now. Is it all right with you if they can come in to see you?"
You couldn't begin to come to terms with what he had told you. All of this bizarre information made no sense to you. Yet you felt you had no choice but to go along with this. At least until you could return to your apartment and get your bearings. You remembered this town. Your favorite cafe. The public library, park, and river. Even your favorite jogging route. "I suppose so."
It seemed only a few moments had passed before a redheaded girl of pure energy bounced into the room. Her eyes were bright with excitement the minute she saw you. She let out a high-pitched squeal. By God. You thought your daughters were going to be nine or ten at the most. This exuberant girl didn't seem to be any older than 15.
"Mom!" Alcina had informed her and her sisters to not scare you, but she just couldn't help how happy she was to see your face. You were alive! She threw herself at you and squeezed you like she would a stuffed bear.
With a glazed expression, you clumsily embraced her back. She was a cute kid. "Eh, hi there?"
"I'm so glad you're awake! I can't believe it, we get to take you home today!"
A slightly taller teenaged girl then walked in, glaring at the figure hugging you. "Oh, my God, Daniela! Give Mom some space! You're crowding her!" A natural blonde. She appeared to be 18 or 19 years old. You assumed she was your eldest.
A brunette then came up from behind her. "And you think yelling is going to help at all? Keep your voice down! You'll startle Mom with that volume!" She then glanced at you and stayed quiet, offering you an upbeat wave. This had to be your middle child.
Being perfectly honest with yourself, having them refer to you as 'Mom' was freaking you out far more than their loud voices. But what got you the most was seeing your wife step into the room. Good God, this woman by the name of Alcina was tall. Freaking tall. For the longest time, you always imagined yourself being the taller one in the relationship. She was gorgeous, but there was something about her face that seemed sad. Although you didn't recognize this tall woman, you felt something prick inside of you. Pain. You didn't want to see that sad look on her face anymore.
"Mom!" The oldest girl spoke, drawing your attention away from Alcina. "Uh, how are you feeling?"
You lifted your forefinger at her, curious. "Are...you Cassandra?"
A frown then graced her lips for an ephemeral moment before vanishing. It hurt her that you didn't remember her face or her name. As the oldest, she had to be strong. "Erm, no, that would be this rascal right there!" Bela ruffled Cassandra's hair, earning a quick slap on her hand.
"Quit it! You know I hate it when you mess up my hair like that. Yep, I'm Cassandra the IV! But you may call me Cass!"
"Cassandra the IV..." Alcina murmured while covering her face. Ah, if you ever needed anyone to ground you in reality, you could certainly count on someone like her crazy daughter.
Your youngest daughter then exploded with elation. "And you can call me Dani! Short for Daniela!"
Cassandra rolled her eyes at her and gently shoved Bela aside so she could be closer to you. "Yeah, everyone knows that, you ninny."
"That's enough for now," Alcina said, turning toward Dr. Hale. "We can take her home?"
"Absolutely, we'll give her some medications to help her with her dizziness. Take her home and remember: keep new information simple and repeat it often. If you want to do new activities together, break them down into small steps. Do your best to help her remember what usually happens in your day-to-day life. How's that sound to you, Y/N? Are you ready to go home?"
What was home, though? Your home was your apartment. This family of yours seemed nice, but they were not your home. Alcina was then at your side, seated in the chair beside you. It broke her heart for you to look at her with the distant eyes of a stranger rather than her lover.
According to what she learned from Dr. Hale, there was a possibility that your memory might return, either slowly or suddenly. This dissociative amnesia could last minutes, hours, days, and in rare cases, months, if not years. Full memory recovery could be triggered by something in your surroundings. Something said or done, or during cognitive or dialectic behavioral therapy, which she'd have you start in a couple of weeks if you were ready by then.
"Sweetheart?" She rested her slender hand on top of yours. "Uh, Y/N? Are you ready to go home with us?"
"A-Alcina? Is that right?"
Hearing you call her by her name lifted her spirits. She knew this wouldn't be easy. Alcina would have to watch you develop new coping skills, learn to manage your irritation at relearning old things, struggle emotionally and mentally while trying your hardest to remember who she and your daughters were to you. "That's right. Can we help you gather your things and then take you home?"
Staring at her and then at your daughters, you sighed and just wished you could go back to sleep. You didn't want to know what would follow or where they would take you. "Okay, sure."
After checking you out of the hospital, Daniela pushed you in a wheelchair while your other daughters helped you into the car, which you didn't recognize either. The drive back was pretty awkward. They found it hard to figure out what kind of things to say while you were worried about what your home would be like. No doubt they'd have to give you a tour, as you didn't know where the bathroom, kitchen, or where your bedroom was. It was so frustrating, it was if you had been abducted by aliens that wished to take you to a foreign planet. You didn't want to go to some random house.
Once you got settled inside and looked around, you couldn't help but admire this craftsman style home. It was amazing. It seemed strange to you that this was your real home. You recognized nothing.
Your daughters were more than willing to show you around the house while Alcina prepared dinner. They showed you their rooms and told you where you'd find them if you needed any help. Once they took you to the bedroom that you and Alcina shared, things felt super awkward. Did she expect you to sleep in that bed with her tonight? Surely, you wouldn't be sleeping in the same bed with someone you didn't know...or more accurately, someone you didn't remember.
"Hey, Mom!" Daniela tapped you on the shoulder. "Dinner's ready downstairs. We're having one of your favorites tonight. It's a lemon chicken recipe."
"I like lemons?"
"Well, you didn't use to. But once Mother had you try one, you started adding them to your drinks and stuff!"
There it was again. She called you 'Mom' and Alcina 'Mother.' Although you didn't feel completely comfortable with them calling you that, there was no way you'd make your own daughters call you by your name. These poor girls. You couldn't imagine how hard this must be for them. It already seemed like you were already failing them. You'd have to try your best to be the mother that you could be right now.
"Well, okay then, I can't wait to try it. I do like chicken."
"And you like turkey! You're a big fan of turkey!" Cassandra chirped.
"And stuffing!" Bela added. "Your favorite holiday is Thanksgiving."
They kept bringing you up to speed on just about everything you loved. Half of what they listed sounded familiar, and the other half didn't. It was like that during dinner, they didn't necessarily ask you direct questions, but they told you about your hobbies, your aversions, where they went to school, and so on. Alcina would keep chastising them to slow down and not overload you with too much information.
Unfortunately, that's exactly what had happened. It's as if three strangers shared their life story within an hour. You gripped your fork in frustration and lost your appetite. This was all too much. Too soon. Too frightening. This was like culture shock. Here you found yourself in someplace unfamiliar with unfamiliar people. It made you want to isolate yourself in a room and cry.
Noticing your defeated look from across the dining table, Alcina worried about you. She knew you wanted to cry; she'd been with you for a long time and knew well enough when you had reached your breaking point. "Y/N, are you okay?"
You shook your head and pushed your chair back. "Uh, I'm kinda feeling a little sick to my stomach. It's not the dinner, it tastes wonderful. I just don't feel well." Rising from your chair, you folded your napkin and said with a shaky voice, "I'm sorry, but I need to go and lay down." You didn't want to break down in front of them, so you turned and rushed upstairs before they could say anything more. For your first day in this new environment, it was kinda traumatic in its own way.
The girls became forlorn as they watched you leave. With a deep frown, Daniela turned to her mother. "Did we say something wrong? I didn't mean to ask Mom so many questions or say so much."
"No, dear, you did nothing wrong. None of you did," Alcina replied with a sigh of despair as she pushed the chair away. "All of us will need to be more flexible, patient, and understanding of your mom. We'll figure this out together one day at a time."
"But what if Mom doesn't get back her memories of us?" Cassandra lamented, throwing her fork down onto her half-empty plate. "She couldn't even remember that this is one of her favorite meals, and earlier at the hospital, she thought Bela was me!" It stung her deeply that you confused her with Bela. She became angrier that this accident happened to you in the first place. Her way to cope with pain was never to shed any tears; instead she placed armor all around her heart and then she'd allow sleep to help her forget it all for a short time.
Bela dropped her head as she listened to her sister's words, while she herself gave in to her own discouraging thoughts. "Mother, did Dr. Hale guarantee that Mom would regain her full memory? I mean, I know it can take time and all, but it'll happen for sure, right?"
"I cannot make any promises, girls. Dr. Hale told me that she has a more positive outlook than other patients he's seen for the same issue. But he could not guarantee it. Please keep eating and I'll be right back."
Alcina climbed the stairs and knew she'd find you in the bedroom, likely curled up on the floor near the end of the bed. Seeing that you had closed the door, she lifted her fist and knocked gently.
"Y/N? Are you in there? May I come in?" After giving you several moments, you said nothing. So she quietly creaked it open and found you right where she predicted. You were stifling your sniffles and cradling your head in between your knees, concealing your puffy face. "Oh, darling."
Feeling herself begin to tear up, she slowly walked over to you and knelt down. Whenever you'd cry before, she would wipe the tears from your face, pull you into a hug to provide comfort to you, or plant soft kisses on your cheeks until you settled down. However, this time, Alcina couldn't do any of that for you because she knew it'd only make things worse. She didn't want you to push her away. How she burned with the desire to hold and rock you, to whisper soothing words into your ear, and promise you that everything would be okay.
She offered you her handkerchief and kept a safe distance from you. You looked up at her through your clouded vision and accepted it. "I'm sorry, Alcina. I just couldn't handle everything that I was feeling down there. It's all so much for me to take in, and I know I'm not the person you all knew me to be. I just don't know how to do this. I'm so sorry for not being able to remember."
She couldn't stand seeing you in this distress. How tempted she was to take you into her arms. "You don't need to be sorry. What you're going through is extremely overwhelming and I can't imagine how afraid you must feel. It must seem like your world as you knew it to be has been flipped upside down."
"Yeah, pretty much," you choked. "I don't have an apartment, do I?"
"No, not anymore. When we got married, we helped you move out of it and then we stayed at another house on the other side of town. We then bought this house shortly after."
"How long have you and I been...been–"
"Married? We've been married for a little over three years."
That made you want to cry even harder. Sharing three years worth of memories with this woman and you couldn't remember anything? What was worse was that you couldn't recall how you had met her, or how long you had even dated. This was an absolute nightmare for all of you.
"I just can't remember you..." Your broken voice was so hushed that she almost missed what you said. A huge part of her wished she had because she could no longer hold back her own heartbreak from hearing you say that. She couldn't cry right then, it'd only make things more confusing for you. Therefore, she had to leave you alone.
"I...I hope you will be comfortable in this room. You will have the bed, I will sleep elsewhere." Incapable of saying anything more, Alcina rose quickly and left the room, closing the door behind her.
How she ached to comfort you during a time like this. It crushed her that she couldn't. Halfway down the stairs, she sank to the steps and held her hand over chest. Her breathing was erratic; she raised her hand to her trembling lips. She didn't want her daughters to catch her in a vulnerable state such as this. The last thing they needed was to see their other parent going through anguish.
Tears trickled down her cheeks as she let out silent sobs, gritting her teeth as she was weighed down with sorrow. You had lost the memories of your life with this family. Alcina feared you would never remember her and how much she and her daughters loved you.