Chapter Text
There were times when Dabi made the mistake of catching a glimpse of himself in a mirror. Before, he used to throw a towel over every mirror or reflective surface in his home to avoid exactly that but ever since he and Deku moved in together, he could no longer follow that tradition. Now he deliberately avoided looking, like running into an acquaintance in public and you want nothing more than to avoid them.
His reflection brought him nothing but shame, disgust, hate and disappointment. He had no idea what Deku saw in him, a broken, mutilated freakshow, but he liked to live in ignorance and just acted like he had a completely different face when he was around his beloved. However, standing here now in the middle of the bathroom, staring at himself with a blank expression, he couldn’t help but wonder what the fuck was wrong with him?
When he looked at himself he not only saw a monster, but a disgusting brother and son, just a terrible person in one body. The amount of lives he’d taken and ruined, the pain he’s caused others including his beloved… He was revolting. What on earth did Izuku see in him?
Deku was good to him. Too good. He was a pure person to the core, he was kind, funny, compassionate, understanding, patient, courageous, determined, loving and smart, everything Dabi was not. Why was he with him? What could he possibly provide for Deku that made any of this okay? Sure he’d completely withdrawn from any villainous activity in the last two years since Deku became a pro, but that doesn’t erase who he was… Who he still is.
He grit his teeth as he stared at himself in the mirror closely, his hands gripping the edges of the basin.
You do not deserve him. You do not deserve redemption or forgiveness. Look at you, you’re pathetic. You’re deformed, demented and evil. You’ve ruined your father’s life and your siblings’ lives and they likely hate you. You force Izu to hide the relationship because you pose a constant threat to his career. Why is he with you? What could you possibly bring to the table? You’re revolting. A failure. A villain. Once a villain always a villain. You should be-.
“Toya?” Deku’s voice caused him to seize as he finally tore his eyes away from the mirror to duck his head down. Now that his self-deprecating trance was broken, he realised he was hyperventilating and his eyes burned with that familiarity of wanting to cry but being unable to. He was having a panic attack. How long had he been staring at himself? “Hey? Are you okay?” Deku’s tone pitched in worry, obviously realising that his lover was having trouble breathing.
Dabi felt Deku’s hand on his shoulder and he shrugged it off and lowered himself to the floor, suddenly overcome with a feeling of helplessness and weakness. He made choking noises and shut his eyes, the most he could do to replicate crying. He hasn’t felt this way in a long time, not since he moved in with Deku, because being with him was like a constant high and only now did it strike him that he had no right to be living as well as he is.
“Toya! Baby what happened?! What’s wrong!? Hey shh shh! I’m here baby I’m here, please just breathe!” Deku lowered to the ground with him and tried not to crowd him, placing a hand on his back, and leaning close.
“Don’t fucking touch me!” Dabi snapped, swatting Deku’s hand off of him and finally looked at him with an expression of revulsion. He expected Deku to look annoyed or hurt at his harshness but he only wore a look of worry and patience. Dabi’s face crumpled a bit again and his eyes burned more. Fuck he wished he could cry.
“Okay… Okay…” Deku said slowly as he held his hands up and gave him a reassuring yet nervous smile. “Take it easy my love. Try to breathe okay? I won’t touch you but you need to take some deep breaths and try to calm down for me?” He suggested with his calm and patient smile and Dabi grit his teeth in frustration.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” He muttered in a low voice as he brought his legs to his chest and buried his face in his knees.
“You do you mean sweetie?”
“Why do you like me so much?” Dabi looked up at him with an accusatory expression and Deku gave a frown and tilted his head a bit.
“Well I don’t like you; I love you”, he snorted and Dabi glared at him. “And you love me too, don’t you?” He asked and Dabi scoffed at the question, as if it were stupid to ask.
“Of course I do…”
“And that’s it. I love you because you love me and vice versa”, he explained simply and Dabi shook his head, grasping clumps of hair in his palms. He was too good to him, what had Dabi possibly done to deserve this stellar treatment? He was nothing more than a sham and a disgrace. What could someone as spectacular as Deku possibly see in him?
“I’m serious”, Dabi growled.
“So am I”.
“What have I done for you to choose me?” He asked and Deku frowned at him. There was a silence between them as Dabi glared at his lover who stared back at him, his curious and confused expression slowly becoming more and more serious. “I don’t deserve this life Izuku”, Dabi continued, lacking his patience and composure. “I’ve done so much bad shit, why are you with me? You could have anyone you wanted, anyone! And they’d be more worthy”, Dabi stated and Deku looked away for a moment. “I don’t fucking deserve love like this. I’m just an ugly and broken toy with no good left in it”, Dabi pressed his hands hard into the sides of his head as if trying to crush his skull, wanting nothing more than to crumple away.
“Who says you don’t deserve this?” Deku finally spoke and Dabi relented his pushing to look at him.
“It doesn’t need to be said, my past speaks for itself”.
“Your past”, Deku emphasised. “I know you have this idea of ‘the past never dies’, and that’s true. The past will always be there and you can’t change it. You did fucked up things, killed innocents, destroyed homes, and ruined lives, that is absolutely true”, Deku agreed and Dabi grit his teeth, hearing it from Deku himself made it that much more painful. “But the past is the past, what matters now is what you do in the present and future”, Deku dared touching him, placing a hand on Dabi’s upper arm which caused him to flinch. Deku hesitated before trying again, noting that Dabi didn’t shy away so he placed his hand against his scarred skin and gently brushed it up to his shoulder.
“Toya”, Deku’s voice was soft and cautious, like he was trying to calm a frightened animal, which wasn’t very far from the truth. “What happened to you was not your fault. Your anger was justifiable, Enji was a terrible father who took what he had for granted. No one denies that. You are proof of that reality. You were angry and abandoned and labelled a failure. You were a child and fixated on the misery, you had no one, no guidance to lead you away from that resentment and all you could do is wallow in it. I don’t blame you”, Deku cautiously drew closer, running his hand along Dabi’s shoulder and back and inching closer until he had his arm over his neck and lay his head on his shoulder.
“You did terrible things, and though trauma can’t be used as an excuse, it can be a reason. What matters is that despite what happened, despite everything, you changed”, Deku whispered and Dabi closed his eyes, allowing himself to focus on the lull of Deku’s voice that brought such a deep and peaceful serenity to his troubled soul. “You left the league, you stopped the destruction, you pulled away from that villainous lifestyle and you want to change. You actually care about what you did, you feel remorse, and I’m pretty sure a majority of the Villains you associated with don’t have a bone of empathy in their body”, He lifted his head to look at Dabi who kept his eyes shut.
“That only happened because I met you”, Dabi stated softly and Deku hummed in acknowledgement.
“I know”, he whispered back. “I wanted to change you when you used me for extortion. You scared the shit out of me and I had no idea what I was doing but I wanted to help you. I believe there must always be something good in villains, somewhere they just need some TLC”, this made Dabi laugh lightly as he opened his eyes and turned to look at Deku.
“You wanted to fix me?”
“Cliché, I know, shut up, but I am nothing if not a fixer of broken people”, Deku gave a light smile back. “Luckily, I had the benefit of knowing who you were and what you went through to a degree. I may not have experienced it myself but I saw my own friend go through it. So I wanted to help you, change you, make you realise that you didn’t have to be alone anymore, even if you scared the living shit out of me”, Dabi chuckled a bit more and turned his head away, closing his eyes again.
“You were a tough cookie to crack but eventually my boyish charm seemed to get through to you and slowly you opened up more and more, at a snail’s pace though”, he felt Deku kiss the curve of his neck. “And your broody attitude cracked me too, the more time I spent with you the more I just wanted to help, and I became attached without meaning to and I wanted so badly to help you, comfort you but I didn’t know how”, he whispered into his neck, his body becoming a bit more tense. “Then you left and I tracked you down and professed my love for you. In hindsight that was probably very stupid but I so glad that worked out in the end”, Dabi smiled a bit, recalling that round pink face drenched in rainwater and tears as he stared at Dabi desperately. At the time Dabi wasn’t sure if someone had spiked his drink and he was hallucinating or he was having a cruel dream so he just said, ‘yes me too’ and hoped for the best, and then their date came and it turned out he wasn’t dreaming or high. Unless this was a very long and morbidly cruel dream.
“Toya, I don’t want just anyone”, Deku muttered against his skin as he gave featherlike kisses to his neck. “You did bad things, but the fact that you changed so much for me is what makes me love you. Someone so willing to change for the person they love is commendable, but to the degree that you’ve done it, it’s unimaginable. I can’t take away your pain or your past, but I can give you a future full of love and light, and I can help you be the man you were meant to be. I want to kiss away every last thought of revenge and hate from your mind, take away those words from Enji and replace them with adoration because I love you so much. You deserve this life because you were stripped of respect and simple affection from the moment Enji laid his eyes on you. I will never let you feel like you are unworthy because you’ve gone through enough anguish and deserve to redeem yourself. You’ve proven it to me. You’re strong Toya, you’re powerful and so worthy of love and praise it makes me go insane to think you don’t see it too”, Deku pressed his forehead against his neck and squeezed Dabi’s shoulder lightly.
“At the beginning things were tough, no denying that. You were impatient and callous and rough, but you always managed to improve every toxic trait you had in those fights and learned to control yourself, all because you wanted to be better and love me. You never beat me, deliberately put me down, shame me, change me or try to expose me. You made mistakes but you fixed them and always gave me more love and respect and praise than I thought I was worthy of. What part of that makes you a bad boyfriend or lover? You’re damaged and broken and struggle with your self-worth but that serves as a tribute to what you’ve gone through and I will do everything in my power to make amends for the wrongs you’ve been dealt”, he whispered tenderly and Dabi drooped his shoulders a bit and sighed.
“Fuck”, Dabi sighed and Deku hummed, shifting closer and now lifting Dabi’s head to look at him.
“Toya, I love you and I don’t regret a single thing, do you?”
“Not a chance”, Dabi agreed and Deku smiled at him, moving closer and settling himself on Dabi’s lap, feeling him respond by shifting for Deku to be more comfortable straddling him.
“Also, I just so happen to think you’re a very attractive individual and the scarring adds to your mysterious, broody bad boy charm”, Deku grinned as he placed his hand on Dabi’s cheek, observing him melt into the touch like a kitten. “Also, I have no problem getting it up when it comes to you, the mere thought of you is enough to cause excitement”, he giggled and Dabi smirked, the feeling of anxiety washing away like waves on the shore of a beach and being replaced with absolute adoration mixed with perhaps just a spark of arousal?
“Thank you”, Dabi said softly as he wrapped his arms around Deku’s body and pulled him close, burying his face into his chest. Deku seemed only mildly surprised before he got over it in a flash, his fingers affectionately threading through Dabi’s tousled white locks and sighing happily. At this point why didn’t matter to Dabi anymore, all that really mattered was that he maintained this serenity and provided the love that Deku was made to receive, because naturally an angel deserved for only the best treatment. Dabi would unabashedly kiss the earth that Deku walked, he was his saviour and his heart, if he broke him, Dabi would surely be damned to hell.
“I love you”, Deku whispered and Dabi nodded, nuzzling himself harder against Deku as he said a muffled, ‘I love you too’.
Soon enough Dabi pulled himself away and looked up at Deku, leaning up and kissing him hard. Deku reciprocated and cupped Dabi’s face in his hands, drawing himself closer to Dabi. It was slow and desperate at first, a clear showing that Dabi wanted to express just how thankful he was through kisses and Deku was more than happy to comply.
Soon enough Deku pulled away and gently rubbed Dabi’s temples while smiling at him, a contemplative expression drifting in his green eyes.
“What?” Dabi asked and Deku hummed thoughtfully, brushing his fingers through Dabi’s hair a few times before a determined smile crossed his features and he straightened up a bit.
“Want to go on a date?”
It was never going to be easy; they knew that from the very beginning. It was a huge risk for a dreamer hero and a pro-villain to be in an intimate relationship for a magnitude of reasons. There was the opposing beliefs, the opposing groups, the risk of having to fight each other, being caught, being identified as traitors, possibly being killed, losing their relationships and so much more.
Deku was lucky that Dabi was flaky with the league to begin with, he only used them as leverage to get his own shit done, so abandoning them was no skin off his back because there was no way Deku would abandon his post. Deku was also lucky that Dabi was putty for him, the moment his eyes were off revenge and onto Deku he had him wrapped tightly around his finger. He constantly thanked whatever higher power was watching over him that Dabi ended up loving him and no one else, he would be sure to redirect Dabi’s hate and change him for the best.
So now that Dabi was officially dubbed ‘missing’ from villain activity there was a matter of keeping him out of sight from heroes and villains alike, because he’d be dead either way. It was tough keeping Dabi under wraps for the first year or so, because when he was moving he had to try and make sure no one arrived unannounced and just stumbled upon Dabi in his home. He was also lucky that Dabi was happy being a mole rat and didn’t mind not going outside as long as he could be with Deku.
Then things cooled down around them and less people thought about Dabi and they could ease up a bit. However, Deku had a guilty conscience hounding him down. He hated having a lover everyone knew about but they weren’t allowed to meet or actually know about, and he knew he could convince some of his friends that Dabi wasn’t a menace anymore but his main concern was Todoroki.
He was certain he could convince Uraraka, Kirishima, Tsuyu, Denki and Iida at least but Todoroki was an ache in his chest. It didn’t feel right to tell his other friends and not tell Todoroki. He knew if they slipped up and Todoroki found out that their other friends knew but not him, he’d never forgive him; even though he wasn’t sure Todoroki would forgive him regardless.
Dabi told him to forget about it, no way Shoto was gonna just let it slide that his best friend was dating his estranged brother that nearly killed him and his father and most of his friends. They argued about it a lot, and yes Deku knew there was no way that Todoroki was going to take it well but he needed to tell him, because at this rate Deku had no intention of leaving Dabi ever, so naturally he wanted his best friend to know about his forever person.
Eventually he managed to gain enough courage to invite Shoto over to confess to him, and Dabi’s opinion was always ‘you can do what you want, just know if shit goes sideways and he gets violent, I won’t not defend you’, obviously under the impression that Shoto would get aggressive. Dabi tried to act neutral about it but Deku could tell he was nervous. In the time they’ve been together, Dabi has itched for a desire to reconnect with his siblings, but he will never be the one to take that step. He doesn’t believe he has the right to demand a second chance and even in this circumstance, he would be willing to have Shoto hate him further and take the blame than let his brother take it out on Deku.
Deku was pacing around the main room rambling to Dabi who lay back on the couch watching him. Deku went on about whether it was the right thing to do and the possible outcomes and how to explain himself to Shoto while Dabi just listened. Deku was like a girl in this case, sometimes he just wanted someone to listen to him vent and not receive any feedback, not like anything Dabi had to say would make any of it better. He couldn’t tell Deku outright he thought it was the worst decision he’s ever made other than dating him; Deku would blow up at him.
Of course when Todoroki did arrive and saw Dabi lounging on the couch, smiling at him, and waving like nothing was out of the ordinary; Deku had to step in immediately for the damage control and explain to his friend what was happening. Through most of his confession Todoroki was quiet, having sat on the furthest chair from Dabi as he stared at the ground hard and listened. Once Deku was done, there was silence for a long time, the tension was so thick you could cut it with a plastic knife.
“Are you…” Todoroki started and Deku looked up at him nervously as his friend slowly looked up to meet his eyes. “Out of your fucking mind?!” He snapped his gaze up and gave Deku the most hateful expression he’s ever seen.
“Todoroki please”, Deku stood and held his hands up at him as Todoroki rose from his seat and turned his hateful stare to his brother.
“Are you fucking insane Midoriya?! After everything he’s done to me? To you?” Todoroki stepped up to Deku who stayed where he was, trying to calm him down.
“I know, I know Todoroki! I don’t expect you to understand right away”.
“I’ll never understand! How the fuck could I? I’m just supposed to accept that the dude you’ve been dating for four years has been Dabi this whole fucking time?!” He rose his voice further, notable steam rising from his left side. Dabi stiffened up a bit and sat up in preparation to step in if things became messy, but for now he’ll allow Deku to try and get things under control.
“I don’t expect anything from you Todoroki! I just wanted you to know before anyone else. You don’t deserve to be lied to about this, I needed to tell you before any of our other friends”.
“Well aren’t you just a fucking saint?! SO nice of you to tell me first that you’ve been fucking my god damn brother! Do you want a golden star or a high five?” He shoved on Deku’s chest a bit but Deku didn’t stumble as he remained where he was, keeping himself in between Dabi and Todoroki. “I don’t know what manipulation he’s been using on you, but there’s no way the Izuku I know would do something as stupid as date a man who has killed innocent people and attempted to destroy entire cities!” His use of Deku’s first name came as a surprise to both and Dabi felt a need to step up.
“Reality check, I don’t have any manipulative abilities or social charm, if you remember correctly my quirk is a fire quirk. Just like dear old dad”, Dabi interjected, attracting very aggressive attention from his brother who glared murderously at him.
“Don’t you fucking dare talk about my father!” Dabi gave him a bemused frown.
“You mean our father who abused us both?”
“Toya, stop it”, Deku snapped at him and he held his hands up in defence. “Listen Todoroki, Dabi didn’t manipulate me. I fell in love and he fell in love back, it’s uncontrollable, and I’m so, so very sorry that I’ve hurt you, but what matters is that Dabi has changed”, his words made Todoroki laugh humorously, as if it was the dumbest thing he’d ever heard. Dabi didn’t blame him, it was extremely cheesy and potentially naïve and if Dabi hadn’t actually experienced it, he’d have laughed too.
“Are we talking about the same freak that kidnapped our friend, nearly killed Hawks, attempted to burn me alive and tried to kill our entire class? Do you fucking hear yourself?!” He grabbed Deku hard by his shoulders and shook him, this action causing Dabi to stand and prepare to rip that boy’s hands off his lover.
“Get your hands off of him”, Dabi threatened but Deku held a hand out towards him as if to stop him.
“Toya, easy, it’s okay”.
“Izu”, Dabi warned but Deku held his hand out more towards him and he grit his teeth, forcing himself to stay where he was.
“None of this is okay Izuku. Open your eyes! You can’t possibly be so stupid to think that being with him is okay! Think of what’s he’s done and still can do!” Todoroki shook him desperately and Deku gave him a sad expression.
“Todo, it’s been four years and I’m still here, a pro-hero, happy and healthy and am able to reveal this to you. Do you think that a villain would allow for any of that if he was just manipulating me?” He asked gently and Todoroki glared at him, his hands tightening on his shoulders. “Think about it, when last has Dabi done anything? Let alone been seen? That’s because he’s been here, trying to recover from what he was, escape the league and potentially be the person he could’ve been”, he stated and Todoroki loosened his grip as he bit his lip.
“That’s…. It doesn’t change the damage he’s done”.
“He knows that; I know that. Nothing can ever change that. Just like nothing can change what your father did to either of you, what your mother did”, he risked reaching up towards his scarred eye and Todoroki’s expression hardened, clearly irritated by the example chosen, but it didn’t change the reality behind it. “He can’t take away the damage Enji has done, look at him”, he gestured to Dabi who stiffened up at their attention on him, knowing they were observing his scars. He tried not to show discomfort but it was inevitable, it was his biggest insecurity. “That could’ve happened to you too, but it didn’t because you had people stop you before you could go on your rampage against your father. Toya had no one, nothing. He was abandoned, a child with nothing but hatred. All I wanted was to give him a life where he can feel loved, because he makes me feel loved, he changed because he loves me”, he stated and Todoroki grit his teeth and held his fists at his sides.
“Listen, I don’t expect you to forgive me for any of the shit I’ve done”, Dabi finally spoke up and Todoroki looked to him with a glare, but it was muted. “You can hate me all you want, but he doesn’t deserve it. If it were up to me, I’d have never told you and just kept it a secret for the rest of our lives. But he cares about you and felt you deserved to know. Curse me all you want, but don’t forsake your friend who has done nothing but look out for you”, Dabi said and Todoroki scoffed and looked away, seeming to contemplate before he turned away completely and headed towards the door.
“I need time to think…” Todoroki said as he left the house, Deku following him and apologising profusely about how upset he made him.
Deku was a nervous wreck after what happened. Todoroki ceased all contact between them for months and Deku was paranoid that his house would be raided by heroes because Todoroki told them, but that never happened. All Deku’s friends asked him what happened to Todoroki because he’d been so hostile when Deku was mentioned in any conversation, and part of him wished he could confide in them but he had to wait until Todoroki had come back to him on his own. And after 4 long months of silence, he finally came back.
Deku opened the door on a rainy afternoon that he didn’t have hero shift and found a clearly irritated Todoroki on his doorstep. He told Deku he wanted to talk to him, alone. Dabi, who’d wandered over when Deku left their room for too long was very reluctant to leave them alone with one another but was placated by Deku who promised he’d be back soon.
Todoroki took him to a quiet café the two of them frequented when they went to school together and sat in tense silence for the next few minutes while they waited for their warm drinks to be delivered. Another few minutes passed as they sipped at their drinks then Todoroki spoke.
“You’re sure about this?” Todoroki spoke quite quietly and Deku tensed a bit at his voice. Todoroki stared at his green tea, clearly refusing eye contact but Deku could see in his profile he was hurt, scared, and frustrated; he wanted nothing more than to reach over and try and comfort him but he held himself back.
“Yes”, he said simply. “He’s done nothing but care for me and change himself for the better. He deserves a chance to live a life where he’s not told that he’s not enough, just as much as you deserved it”, he insisted and Todoroki sighed deeply, ducking his head, and grasping at his mixed hair in frustration, clearly at mental war with himself.
“Listen, Izuku…” He trailed off and Deku shifted. He’d given Todoroki permission to use his first name in the past but he decided to keep calling him by his last name to be respectful and also to try and not disarm himself to familiarity, at least that was what Deku guessed; so when he said his name, it always came as a surprise. “This really… Fucking sucks. Not only is he… You know. But to add insult to injury, you already know I’ve pined for you since school”, he rose his head to give Deku a rather defeated expression, like he was humiliated. It seemed like Deku was a Todoroki magnet. “And to think you chose him over me”, he glared at the table.
“I’m sorry”, was all Deku could manage as he turned his own eyes away from Todoroki, unsure what to say.
“I don’t trust him”.
“I’m not asking you to trust him necessarily, I’m simply hoping you’re willing to trust me”, he leaned forward a bit and Todoroki looked at him reluctantly. “I already told you, I don’t expect anything of you, but I can only hope you’re willing to forgive me”, he bowed his head to him solemnly and Todoroki groaned a bit and took a sip of his green tea.
“Of course I forgive you…” He muttered and Deku lifted his head to look at him hopefully, Todoroki blushing a bit and looking away. “You’ve done so much for me, and I’ll always be in your debt. Though I’m reluctant to completely accept my… Brother’s role in your life, I’d have to be completely blind if I couldn’t tell he’s made you happy over these years… I’m just mostly butthurt”, he pouted cutely and Deku allowed himself to smile as he gazed at his friend.
“This may be selfish of me to ask, but… Could you give him a chance too?” He started and quickly continued when he saw Todoroki’s threatening stare. “He doesn’t feel he has the right to reach out to his family anymore, but he desperately wants to reconnect with you and your brother and sister, I’m sure he also wants to see his mom but…” Deku trailed off and Todoroki scoffed and crossed his arms. “I want to tell my other friends about him too, I want you all to be a part of our life, I want him to feel like he has support from other people aside from me. He’s been fighting his whole life, he’s had nothing and I just want to give him something”, he pleaded with Todoroki whose eyes hardened a bit before he relaxed.
“He’d have to get used to me anyway, there’s no way I’m just going to ignore this anymore, I need to make sure he doesn’t do anything bad to you, so expect me to be there anyway”, Deku could feel his face split into a smile even as Todoroki tried to bristle up and act like Kacchan when he tried to be a hard-ass when he was really being nice.
“Thank you Shoto”, he whispered and he noted how his friend’s face pinkened at the use of his name and Deku smiled more.
True to his word, Dabi had to get used to his little brother. Todoroki would spontaneously arrive at their house and butt himself into their lives. He made it clear to Dabi that he didn’t trust him but Dabi responded with the same attitude, knowing that his little brother was in love with his boyfriend. It was a sort of rivalry at this stage rather than a bloodbath, which was a win in Deku’s books.
“Can you even cook?” Todoroki once jabbed at Dabi who stared at him with a sort of distant look he’d adapted.
“Can you?”
“I make a mean bowl of soba”.
“You like it cold though, who the fuck does that?”
“Izuku likes it”.
“Deku’s too nice to tell you your tastes are fucking foul”.
“What does that say about you? We share the same tastes in men”.
“God you’re so patronising”.
“That’s rich coming from you”.
It’s a constant game of back and forth between them, diving between insults and jabs and a shared compassion for Deku.
Dabi couldn’t lie that he… Appreciated contact with his brother, even though when he used to be a Todoroki he hardly had any interactions with his youngest sibling; their father shielded him from the outside world like a prized virgin daughter. The few times he did have the chance to speak to him he liked to prank him, also challenge him as a means to show he was still the better sibling, even though it was blatantly clear their father was more interested in a child that didn’t burn himself whenever he activated his quirk.
A part of him got angry whenever he saw Todoroki, it reminded him of those days. Hating his brother because he was the perfect combination that his father was waiting for, his replacement. However, the other part of him saw those innocent days when he’d prank and play with him, back when he was a better brother. Before Shoto’s quirk materialised, Dabi would carry him on his shoulders and act like a plane for him, running into his other siblings like they were playing a crash course game. He remembered he would lie on top of his little brother and laugh to himself as he struggled beneath his weight.
Only recently did he start replaying these memories to Deku. It happened suddenly and without prompt, while Deku cuddled him and prepared to fall asleep he started to speak about those happy memories that had been long stored away in his mind. Spending time with his brother caused them to resurface and suddenly he just really wanted to talk about it, show Deku a side of his life that wasn’t tainted by the misery of his father.
Even now while on his date with Deku, he contemplated this. Another spike of hate for himself and pondered whether he deserved to remember these happy memories, whether he deserved to reconnect with his brother he’d put through so much pain. He’d done so much wrong, he’d ruined so many lives, probably more than he could count and yet, here he was, hand in hand with the most beautiful person he’d ever met, and he was his.
Deku gazed at him and smiled under his mask, giving Dabi’s hand a squeeze which he would return. “What’re you thinking about?”
“How much I love you”, he said huskily, his chest rumbling at the lowness of his voice and noted the shiver Deku had that occurred for reasons other than the snow.
“Oh, past you would’ve killed you for that cheesy line”.
“Past me’s a cunt”.
“You’re not wrong”, he hummed amusedly and Dabi tilted his head as Deku looked up at the sky when a snowflake touched his nose. It was winter time and it was the stage just before snow had settled and became gross and muddy, so it was still very pretty. Dabi was still fully decked out in a disguise much like he was on their first date but this time the weather warranted it. Deku was also mostly covered up to hide his identity because ever since he became a pro-hero he was much more likely to get recognised, and he just wanted a peaceful date at the market with his boyfriend.
Deku’s mask was settled right below his nose which had already turned a bright pink and Dabi pressed his lips together as he stared at him, managing to set aside his thoughts of self-loathing to admire his boyfriend. His boyfriend. Deku was his. Izuku Midoriya was Toya Todoroki’s boyfriend. His lover. He wondered spontaneously to himself if he’d ever be his husband. Marriage? He’d never really thought about marriage, he wasn’t the traditional sort but he was certain Deku was. Did he want to get married? Did he expect Dabi to ask him?
“Do you want to marry me?” Dabi decided to ask and the surprise was pungent in Deku’s expression as he looked at him with raised eyebrows. He took a few minutes to digest this information before an awkward expression settled in his eyes.
“You’re not… Proposing to me right now are you?”
“No. Does that disappoint you?”
“Well, I’d be more disappointed if that was the way you were proposing to me. After you have a panic attack and you pop it like you’re talking about what you want for breakfast”, he rolled his eyes and seemingly relaxed a bit.
“But back to the question. Do you want to marry me?” Dabi tilted his head a bit as he watched Deku’s eyes, the only part of his face that was really visible at the moment. He was doing that thing where he was thinking things a mile a second, his eyes darting back and forth on the ground and then… He started muttering to himself. Dabi didn’t think the topic warranted that much thought, it was a matter of whether he wanted to wear matching rings and call each other husband. The martial activities were already happening without the ceremony.
When Deku got like this Dabi typically waited it out, because when he did this he was like a wall, he had no real sense of his surroundings and Dabi could never get through to him. It made him wonder how he managed to become a pro hero with a flaw that made him unaware of his surroundings when he thought too hard. He could see the market in the distance, more and more people coming in to view as they walked at a leisurely pace. He could pick up a few words in Deku’s rambles, like ‘beneficially’, ‘would that even realistically possible’, ‘traditionally’, ‘I do love him’ and ‘already sexually active’, ‘and oh god what about my mom’, the rest were jumbled together into gibberish.
In approaching the row of stalls, Dabi could immediately make out the festive decorations, the lights and trees and little cutesy ornaments. Deku loved Christmas time, loved decorating the house as much as he could and loved gift shopping, though he was always worried he wasn’t good at it and over fixated on what to get who.
“Hey Izu- “.
“Do you want to get married?” He finally broke out of his murmuring to ask this question and look at Dabi with a hard expression. Dabi blinked at this then pondered it for a moment. Marriage wasn’t a must for him, he didn’t need to get married to prove he loved Deku, and hell before he even met Deku marriage would’ve been the absolute last thing on his mind, if at all on his mind to begin with.
“It isn’t really a ‘must’ for me”, he shrugged and Deku squinted at him.
“Why’d you ask then?”
“I just wondered if it was what you wanted”, he stated and Deku looked away again and it looked like he was about to trail off again so Dabi quickly followed up. “I don’t mean to conflict you or anything. I won’t be disappointed if you do or don’t want it. Was just wondering, no need to start muttering to yourself all creepy like again”, he placed his hand on top of Deku’s head, shifting the beanie he wore a bit which caused him to grunt and readjust it.
“I… Typically I think I would like to get married, but our situation makes it hard for that to happen, we’ll have to see what happens in the future, whether you get cleared or not, and we’ll talk about it then. I don’t think there’s any rush though, for now I just want to slowly start introducing you to more of my friends and family”, he said with an affirmative nod and Dabi grunted in response and it seemed the conversation ended there because Deku’s face lit up as he realised they were now in fact at the entrance of the market. “Oh, we’re here already!” His eyes basically turned into stars and Dabi couldn’t help but smile under his mask.
“Honestly, your lack of self-awareness when you do that thing is unbelievable”, he commented and he saw Deku’s ears redden and he ducked his head a bit before he straightened up completely.
“Right! Let’s take a look around!”
Dabi wasn’t really a market person. He didn’t understand how people could spend hours in these places and fixate on every little thing the stall had to offer. He understood to a degree why people might enjoy them, but he didn’t need hours to see everything he needed to see. Deku however was that person who agonised over ever little thing and gawked at miscellaneous shit he’d see, stand, and stare for ages then leave without buying anything. It drove Dabi nuts just as much as it made him adore him.
At some point he’d left Deku’s side to explore on his own, look at all the stores, maybe stop at a few for a minute of two when he saw something he thought Deku might like (mainly All-Might centred stalls but he would be disappointed because Deku already has all the merch on sale), then by the end he relocated Deku who was barely two fifths of the way through.
“Think Shoto might like that?” Dabi commented as he pointed at a kettle on an antique stand and pursed his lips to supress his laughter when Deku gave him and outrageous expression. “Oh how about that for your Kacchan?” He cooed as he pointed at a dog muzzle at a pet stand. Deku laughed at that one.
“How about this for you?” Deku commented as he picked up some burn cream then blustered a bit and apologised profusely even though Dabi burst out laughing at that.
“Hey, it’s a buy one get one free package! You can get it for me AND Shoto”, he winked and Deku failed giving him a stern expression as a smile teased at the corners of his lips.
Dabi continued to follow Deku and commented on every little thing he saw, feeling a sense of accomplishment when he managed to make Deku smile. Even when he made a particularly bad or dark joke, he couldn’t help feeling happy when Deku reacted with a frown of amused disappointment or even a poorly held back smile; as cheesy as it was, it just made him love him all the more.
They were about halfway through the market when it happened. There was a scream just before everything went white and a loud noise that made Dabi’s ears pop washed over them, impact knocking him off his feet, instinctively reaching out for Deku who crashed into him and shielded him with his body.