Chapter Text
Bare-faced like a child and stiff, Jan felt the grass between her toes. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply. The steady thrum of her heart continued despite its aching.
She had left Solas at Skyhold for the past three expeditions so far, instead bringing Dorian or Vivenne for magical support. She found herself unable to look at him now. It was not sadness that welled up in her throat when she saw him, but a boiling anger. She felt out of control and unfocused with him around.
And occasionally, while catching a glimpse of his movements in battle, the clench of his jaw and concentrated gaze, the dexterous twirl of his hands controlling his staff, she would get aroused . She would remember the feeling of those hands pressing on her waist, the landscape of his jaw as traced by her fingers.
Which then brought her to their final kiss, the tenderness with which he held her, and then the shift of his gaze from affection to sadness.
That was when the anger began to scorch her neck and ears. Banal’abelas, banal'vhenan.
Jan preferred the quiet of her numbness to the continuous rush of her anger. Without Solas around, there was only the wind, the earth, and the loosed arrow brushing past her fingertips and flying towards her adversary.
Today was a little different, however. Among her party was The Iron Bull, who was deriving great glee from killing the Venatori skulking around the Emerald Graves. He was positively jovial as he launched himself at their foes. Jan smiled faintly as he tried to joke around with Cole, despite the boy's still being a little clueless when it came to Bull’s brand of humor.
She loosed an arrow, hitting an approaching Vint mage square between the eyes.
“Nice shot, boss.” Bull shouted in approval. Jan couldn’t help but grin back at him. He turned back to battle, swinging his hammer as he pivoted. She watched the play of the muscles on his back as the metal of his weapon crashed down onto some poor sod’s shoulder.
Jan had never really looked at Bull- never examined him. When they first met, Jan admitted she was a little afraid. She had never seen a Qunari before and found his hulking form and horns intimidating. But there, on that shallow hill in the Emerald Graves, she began to admire him. Not as a person- she already admired his intelligence and disarming kindness, not to mention his prowess as a warrior. But now what she admired was the expanse of his shoulders, the bulging muscles in his neck, the pleased growl of his laugh when an enemy fell.
As she raised her bow once more, she felt heat shoot between her legs.
Creators, she needed to get laid.
---
By the time the sun began to sink, the party had taken hold of a chateau formerly occupied by Orlesian troops. The scouts moved camp, setting up a de facto Keep. Jan explored the handful of rooms, most with dusty furniture and paintings covered by tarps. One was clearly a bedroom, an impossibly plush mattress still made up with goose feather blankets and pillows. She removed the tarp and ran her fingers over the sheets, soft and seemingly still crisp.
She remembered her first night in her quarters at Skyhold, how odd it had felt to sleep in a fluffy human bed. However, after so many nights returning, sore and exhausted from weeks of battling rifts and the labyrinth of human politics, she’d come to appreciate the softness.
(Their first night had been in the woods. It had been quick and messy, a hurried tryst beneath a tree, whispers in the tongue of her people. Ma vhenan, emma lath.
The second time she and Solas had made love, it had been in her bed. Their embrace had been passionate and slow, soft like the cushions they set on.)
When she slept in human beds now, she found herself plagued by nightmares, shadows of anger and sorrow chasing and always eventually consuming her. Night after night she’d awake drenched in sweat, tears streaking her face. She had slept on the floor of her room every night for a month now.
Jan left the bed joined her crew in the foyer. A fire had been lit and the smell of cooked meat filled the room. She found Bull at a table with some of the scouts, nursing a mug of something.
“You gotta tell your boys to pack some better shit.” Bull smirked, raising his mug to her as she approached. “This shit’s too weak.”
“I’ll make note of it.” Jan replied dryly, shifting to sit beside him and smiling. “The Iron Bull would like you to pack better ‘shit.’” He laughed, good natured, then looked down at her with a softened eye.
“Hey, boss, I heard about you and Solas. That’s rough.” He rested an elbow on the table, turning towards her more. “How you holdin’ up?”
“It’s done.” Jan replied with tight lips. There was a pause- perhaps Bull was waiting to see if she had more to say. She didn’t. Everyone more or less knew that their relationship had ended, but few people had actually asked her about it. She couldn’t say she minded, though. She preferred not to think about it at all. “But thank you for asking, Iron Bull.” She touched his forearm and found it softer than she would have guessed. He smiled keenly as her touch lingered a moment too long.
“You’re pretty tough for someone so tiny.” He teased. When The Chargers first joined the Inquisition Jan had mentioned her unease about Qunari was primarily due to how bloody big they were.
“I suppose.” The Inquisitor shrugged, disinterested in receiving compliments about her fortitude, teasing or otherwise. Her eye traveled down the length of his face to the scarring not covered by his eyepatch. Each scar on his body held a story. It seemed fitting to her that Bull's most notable scar was one born of selfless kindness- an eye for the life of a stranger. Jan chewed her lip.
“Iron Bull.” She said. He tilted his head in response.
“Yeah, boss?”
“Would you come with me, please?” Her words were too soft to be a casual request. It was not a “would you come help me with the dishes,“ but a “let’s get some privacy.” Bull arched an eyebrow, smile growing wry.
“Sure, boss.” He stood and the chair creaked at the loss of his mass. He followed Jan from the foyer into that dusty bedroom. Jan felt odd for a moment, so brazenly leaving to bring a man to bed. But with a roll of her shoulders she said to herself, I am the Inquisitor. She would do as she pleased.
Bull closed the door behind him and stood a polite distance away, arms cross and smirking.
“Just wanted to get me alone, hmm?” She did not falter.
“Is that a problem?” As with most things, Jan wasted little time being coy and cut to the chase. Bull shook his head lightly.
“No, not a problem.” He took a few steps closer. “Just wonder if you know what you’re getting into here.”
Jan was a listener. She'd heard the scuttlebutt her soldiers and staff didn’t think anyone important would catch. She had heard tell of Bull and his proclivities and she wasn’t at all repulsed or offended by them- in fact, she found herself rather curious.
“I rarely get into anything without the proper intel.” She offered a sly smile. Bull, after falling victim to her inscrutable interrogation about his past and the Qunari, had joked once that she might make a decent Ben-Hassrath. Jan almost laughed after she said this; the irony of her relationship with Solas was not lost on her. She realized, once he’d left her, that she barely knew him at all. Perhaps she should have done more reconnaissance.
Bull grinned with teeth, moving towards her, slowly backing her into the far corner.
“That’s true. But still, I don’t think gossip could do what I do justice.” She felt the shot of heat between her legs again, the same one she’d felt watching him cave-in Venatori armor with his hammer. Her heart began to beat a little faster. Suddenly, he took hold of her hands, pinning them on the wall behind her. She sucked in a quick breath; she had to crane her neck to look up at him, his good eye examining her face carefully.
“Still think you’re up for it?” Bull’s voice was hushed, so low it made her shiver. In response, Jan leaned into him, rubbing up against his thigh and biting his lip.
“Ahh, feisty.” Bull took hold of her waist with big hands. His eye narrowed and his grin grew. “I like it.”
He crashed into her, pushing her into the wall, pressing his thigh between her legs till it made her whimper. His kisses were not sweet or soft, but they were good. They were rough, nipping her lips and neck. He lifted her and she reflexively wrapped her legs around his massive waist, gripping at the skin and scars on his back.
Bull dropped her onto the cushy Orlesian bed, puffs of dust flying as she landed. He leaned above her, holding her wrists, his face inches from hers.
“You want to stop, say katoh.” Jan barely listened. She had no intention of stopping.
“Get on with it.” She breathed, mouth lingering near his. Bull hummed in approval and began to strip her down. She tried to help but he stopped her.
“No.” He said firmly, pressing her wrist back to the mattress. She let her arms go limp. When she and Solas fucked, it was a game- a playful fight for dominance. But this was different. Jan was tired. She was keen on letting Bull do all the work, to let him take control.
First, he untied her scarf and began to drag his teeth over her neck. He sucked where her neck met her collarbone and she moaned softly, knowing full well that it would leave a mark. Next, he undid the buckles holding her leather shift into place. He peeled the leather away, leather etched with the designs of her people, and discarded it like wrapping paper. She wore no smalls so her small breasts stiffened in the cool air, heaving with her chest. He touched them lightly with his thumbs, massaging, then he lowered his head and kissed them. He sucked her skin and left another mark, this one on the side of her breast. He worried her nipples with his teeth which drew from her a quivering sigh.
Bull’s wide, calloused hands settled at her pelvic bones, just above the waist of her leggings. He admired her brown skin and taught muscles that clenched with every breath.
“Boss,” He said, kneading the skin where her thighs met her hip. “I don’t want you getting all quiet on me. I want to hear every little noise you make.” No decisions to make, no plans to assemble- just react as her body tells her. She nodded.
Pleased, Bull swiftly tugged off her leggings and growled once she was fully nude. For a moment, Jan felt more exposed than she ever had. She realized this was her first time naked with a man since the removal of her vallaslin. She remembered the tingle of the spell stinging her face. Then, looking in a mirror for the first time after Crestwood. She remembered how her heart sank each time she saw her reflection after that, the steady chant of fool fool fool echoing through her mind. You changed your face for him.
Bull unceremoniously stuck a finger inside her and she gasped; she’d never felt fingers like his. Wide and long and strong. He curled the finger, pressing into her.
“Keep your mind here.” He growled, thrusting his finger in and out slowly. She sighed and nodded again and looked down her belly at him. He stood at the foot of the bed and smiled down at her as he inserted another finger.
“Mmm,” Jan bit her lip. The look on his face was too much; his gaze bore into her, lips curled upward.
“Damn, you’re tight, boss.” He noted, fucking her with his fingers, thumb teasing her clit. “Forgot how little you elves are.” Jan saw his cock hardening in his pants and Creators it was big. She felt a jolt of both apprehension and excitement.
“We’ll just have to loosen you up.” Bull chuckled and Jan’s eyes rolled back into her head and she squirmed.
“Fenedhis.” She hissed as he massaged her cunt. With his free hand, Bull reached out to squeeze her breast, then leaned in to give her a rough kiss. Jan longed to grab his face, to hold his horns and buck against his hands, but she stayed still as she could.
“Another.” She growled into his mouth. Bull laughed and inserted all four of his fingers, eliciting a groan. Bull stretched her gently, still grazing over her clit and pressing against her in just the right spot. Her stiff nipples grazed against his massive chest. She wanted to feel the weight of him, to feel the force of those strong hips. Jan grew impatient and began to buck into his fingers, eager.
“Patience.” Said the Iron Bull as he pulled his fingers free; Jan whimpered at the loss. Eyes still boring into her, he unbuckled his leather pauldron. It fell to the floor, and after that his trousers. Jan’s eyes widened at the sight of him. His broad chest was no surprise, as he spent most of his time shirtless anyway. But the muscle and skin as they traveled down his belly were so deliciously husky, soft but strong. His cock was hard, thicker and longer than any she’d seen before. Almost subconsciously, her hand traveled down her belly towards her clit. She began to play with herself idly as her eyes raked over him, aching with desire.
“No.” He said again, taking hold of her hand, briefly taking the finger she’d used into his mouth. “Only I can touch you.”
“Then do it.” Jan hissed, back arching, hands gripping at the sheets. He grinned, crawling towards her, moving her knees apart and settling there. He teased her with his cock, slow shallow trusts into her aching lips. She tensed, abdominals clenching.
His shallow trusts then began to deepen, the head of his cock pressing into her. She moaned, pleading. More pressure, more speed. She wanted to be taken, she wanted to be fucked .
With each thrust he pushed into her a little more. Her body resisted at first but after enough massaging, it relaxed. With a few more light thrusts, he was fully inside her. She gazed up at him foggily, panting and limbs akimbo, her muscles clenching around him. Bull grunted, staying there for a moment, rocking his hips into her. Then he pulled out of her so suddenly she gasped. He flipped her over, pressing her chest and head into the mattress, ass up in the air.
He took hold of her ass, spreading her open with his thumbs, and guided his cock back in. He began to fuck her then, roughly. Jan cried out, the sheer size of his cock and the power behind his thrusts was almost enough to make her come.
“That’s it, boss.” Bull leaned over, chest touching her back, lips touching her ear. “Let the whole Inquisition hear you.” Jan laughed, her face flushed. Somehow, Bull knew. He knew her conflict; her affair with Solas had been discreet, quite. Intense and passionate but almost secret. A part of her wanted to feel something different, something loud and explosive, something that left her breathless and bruised and earned her embarrassed looks from any soldiers who overheard her.
“Harder.” Her voice was breathy. “Make me scream.”
“Can do.” He snarled, rolling his hips, fucking her roughly. Jan cried out, pleading for more. He sped up and dropped a hand between her legs, teasing her clit with the perfect amount of pressure. Jan felt nothing except for his thrusts, the slap of his belly on her ass. As much as she liked being taken, she felt a little bit proud at how aroused he sounded, the sounds he made when she began to tighten.
“I expect this to be loud.” Bull warned, knowing she was close to climax. She would have laughed, but her body was too consumed in pleasure. When she came, she let out a long moan, louder than any sound she’d ever made. She seized around him, whole body squeezing in waves. Bull grunted as he came, spilling inside of her violently.
Bull chuckled, giving her ass a good smack. He pulled out and she whimpered, collapsing onto her stomach.
“How was that, boss?” He settled on his side next to her, brushing hair from her face.
“That was exactly what I needed.” She murmured, smiling. She couldn’t really feel her legs at the moment. Bull laughed again. He laughed often, always from his belly.
“I know. Ben-Hassrath, remember?” This time she laughed, clapping him on the shoulder.
“Thank you.” Jan said, voice suddenly quiet. Bull stood from the bed and began to put his pants back on. He glanced back at her, his gaze soft.
“Don’t mention it.” He reached over and draped the blanket onto her. “And hey, if you want to try this again back at Skyhold, I can bring some of my… toys.” He winked at her and she snorted. She knew she would be seeking him out a Skyhold, if only to find out what “toys” he was referring to. She watched him as he stood with his hand on the doorknob. “Goodnight, boss. Get some rest.”
“Goodnight.” Jan echoed softly, curling into the blankets. Sleep came easily, and for the first time in a month no shadows in the fade came to haunt her.