Archive of Our Own

Guts stepped out of the river, cleaned and refreshed. He grabbed the clean posture of trousers and slid them up his legs, not bothering to tie them, as he graded the bundle of clothes he had previously washed and began hanging them over a low branch. 

Casca saw the berries the other day and wanted to come back and pick as many as she could, hoping to give them to one of the women to make jam or another tasty treat. She was lost in her thoughts of enjoying the treat with her son later on and wasn’t paying attention to her surroundings like she should’ve been. 

She stopped when she saw him, frozen in place, fear, shame, guilt and something else, a deep pain in her chest held her captive. He hadn’t seen her yet because she was on his blind side. Part of her wanted to run but she was unable to move as she watched his arm and shoulder move in the dappled light coming through the canopy of leaves. His body was utterly covered in scars, worst of all was the bare stump of his left arm. The scar tissue was distorted and the remnants of his muscles there pulled at the flesh, exaggerating the scarring. 

Tears began to burn her eyes as she watched this man that had sacrificed so much for her. He fought so hard for so long, bled for years, nearly lost his life multiple times, and was willing to die just to return their son to her. Even now that everything was over, he wasn’t leaving to kill man or monster, he was staying near them, always protecting them. 

And what had she given him for all the sacrifices he’d made?

Casca sobbed, startling herself because she wasn’t even away she had started crying. Her hands flew to cover her mouth, causing her to drop her basket of berries on the ground. It was too late though, Guts heard her and turned to see her with his remaining eye. The look of surprised elation at seeing her looking at him was quickly gone and masked with sorrow and fear.

“Cas… …you…” he said her name in his abbreviated way so gently she couldn't help but sob again. “You shouldn' be here, it… …it's not safe.” he finished in a stern and cold voice, looking away from her to complete his task.

Casca watched as he clenched his jaw and his shoulders tensed before he returned to spreading out his tunic over the branch. The berries forgotten Casca felt indignation rise up inside her.

“You fool,” she snapped and watched as he hung his head slightly, still not looking back at her.

Guts expected her to gather her dropped basket and run away. Instead, he flinched when her hand landed on a large scar near the center of his back. 

"I thought I was safest by your side…" 

Guts didn't know what to do but he can't help the shiver that runs through him when her hand moves on to another scar and then another, over and over, tracing each with her fingers. He feels torn between wanting her to continue her exploration of him, simply happy she is there with him and wanting to stop her from touching his scars. The sensation was somewhere between a numb tickling and searing pain. 

He gasped when he felt her head rest against his shoulder blade. Hearing her sob gently, Guts wants to turn around, to wrap her in what remains of his arms. His fingers twitch, wanting to run them over Casca's hair and soothe her woes, but he doesn't move as her hand tracing his scars moves to touch the stump of his left arm, her other coming to rest gently at his waist. Stealing himself to prepare for the feelings of a thousand needles piercing the flesh of his stump. 

"Casca…" 

"Guts… …thank you…" she says between sniffles.

Her hand cups the mass of scar tissue at the end of the stump. Guts hissed at the feeling, her words throwing him off. Slowly he moved his one hand to rest over hers there, stilling her gentle caress that was almost worse than firm pressure.

"I'm sorry…I… …I'm so… so fucking sorry, Cas," Guts squeezed his eye shut to fight back the tears he could feel building.

Casca turned her hand over in his and caught it before he could pull away. Tugging on it, he half turned to look down at her, she wouldn't meet his gaze but instead threw her arms around him and began to cry her heart out. 

Rendered immobile by his weeping love, Guts wrapped his arms around her at an achingly slow pace. His frustrations with only having one and a half arms were quickly forgotten as Casca cried harder and held him tighter once she was finally enveloped in his embrace. 

Guts leaned down and buried his face in her hair as his right hand continued to stroke her dark locks, his own tears falling from his eyes.

He had dreamed of this countless times over the last three years. Not her crying all over his freshly cleaned body, but holding her, feeling her hold him back. For once feeling like she didn't completely hate him. Having her look at him and see him, not just her pain, seeing that for every internal scar she carried he bore the physical counterpart on his flesh. 

"I-I'm sorry!" Casca sobs.

Guts froze and lifted his head to look at her. Again, she wouldn't meet his eye so he gently tipped her chin up to look at him. He could see her guilt and shame in her eyes and he thinks something else he doesn't dare hope for. 

Casca could see the sorrow and determination in his eye, but also his fear and his love.

"Nothin'. Nothin' in this world or any other do you ever have anythin' to be sorry for Casca," Guts said, his eye flashing with more determination than she had ever seen before.

Shaking off the knuckle under her chin, tears began anew and she buried her face into his chest once more. He paused to watch her with a sad smile on his face before he wrapped his arm around her again.

"How can you say that? I ran away, I hid, while you fought on. While you bled, again and again, going to the brink of death over and over. And all I did was hide and…and hate you…"

"Do ya still?" Guts asked, his voice threatening to break from the emotion.

"Huh?" She asked looking up at him, but this time he wouldn't meet her gaze.

"Do y'all still hate me?" 

"No!" She practically shouted and clung to him desperately.

Guts squeezed her tightly in reassurance for the both of them.

"S'not like hidin' was your choice… what…the things that…you had to protect yourself. It wasn't a choice," Guts gave up trying to bring up the terrible things that had happened. He wanted nothing more than to put it behind them, to stay in this moment with her as long as she would let him.

"But you kept sacrificing…" Casca said and flinched at her own choice of words.

"Everythin'… all of it…I'd do it all over again…if I had to… just…just to have this moment with ya."

Casca cried harder and held him even tighter. How could he still be so patient, so caring and understanding with her, after all she put him through?

“Don’ be crying so much Cas, you’ll get a headache,” Guts said as he stroked her hair down her back.

“Shuddup, you fool,” Casca almost giggled through her tears as she continued to burrow into Guts chest.

“Thanks Cas,” Guts said, squeezing her again. He still couldn’t believe she was here, talking with him, holding him. “Don’ know how much I’ve missed ya.”

“G-Guts, I…” Casca pulled back from him and refused to meet his gaze.

“Weren’ ya listening?” He said, placing his hand on top of her head and getting her to look up at him. 

His gentle and patient smile made her heart ache and tears sting her eyes again,

“This moment, right ‘ere was is all I need. Just gettin’ to hold you and talk with ya is worth a thousand sleepless nights.”

Casca couldn't help it and started crying again, covering her face with her hands. Guts pulled her back into him, overjoyed when she allowed him to, all but falling against his chest. He held her until she was done crying. 

As her sobs finally subsided Casca splayed her hands over Guts' chest to indicate she wanted out of his embrace. The groan that he couldn’t stifle and shudder that ran through his body. Casca had a flash of memory from beside the waterfall causing a stirring inside her. As quickly as that happened it was overshadowed by other memories and she couldn’t get away from Guts fast enough.

As soon as she froze Guts regretted allowing Casca to catch him off guard like that, and not having better control over his reactions. He stepped back as she began to flail her arms and cower away from him. 

“Sorry, I-ah fuck!” Guts said as he backed right into the branch his wet clothes were hanging off of and threw out his arms to catch himself, hitting his stump on the branch. “Ssshit!” he hissed, cradling the appendage until the fire shooting through the damaged nerves ceased.

Casca had stopped a few feet away and watched as he cradled his arm, pain twisting his face. Did it really hurt that much? She clutched her hands to her chest as she stared at Guts while he pulled a roll of bandages out of his sack on the ground beside the tree. 

Guts could still feel Casca staring at him, it caused him to fumble nervously with the bandage. He cursed when the roll fell from his shaking fingers and began to unravel across the ground. Watching it helplessly he was shocked when a dark, delicate hand stopped it and his eye followed as Casca picked it up.

“C-can I help you with this?” she asked, looking at the bandage roll.

“Course you can,” Guts was almost ecstatic she was still there, still talking to him. “I-if that's what you want?” He asked, making sure she wasn’t pushing herself too fast too soon.

Casca just nodded, never looking up at him, and while it hurt him how little she could look at him, Guts tried not to let it show. He sat down on the ground and offered up his left arm for her to wrap.

“There is a cloth in the bag, to wrap around the end, f-for padding,’ he informed her.

Again she nodded and dug the cloth out before she began hesitantly wrapping his arm. Casca made sure to keep her glances at his face short, and only when he wasn't looking. 

“Does it hurt?” Casca asked after a short time.

“Hard to describe…” Guts said. “You know when ya sit too long sometimes and your foot falls asleep? Well after that, when it hurts to move it. It's like that when anything touches it…at least if I ain't ready for it. That's why I keep it padded, and wrapped, even when I ‘ain't wearin’ the fake.” Guts gestured towards the metal prosthetic lying beside his bag.

“Sorry i-if I…” 

“S’fine, ya didn’t hurt me…just need to be prepared s’all.”

As she worked, Guts watched her. And when she leaned forward he got a glimpse down the front of the tunic she was wearing. Quickly he looked away and wracked his brain for something, anything to talk about. 

“H-how do you like bein’ a mother?”

Casca paused and looked up at the side of his face while he was looking down and away from her. He seemed to be hiding something and she frowned wondering what it could be.

“It took some getting used to, those first couple months were hard.” She admits but holds back on how having Guts around would’ve helped; because while his presence would've been helpful for Gekko, it would've been detrimental for her own recovery. 

“I never thought I would be a mother, not until… …but Gekko is such a sweet boy, and so bright. I’m amazed how fast he has learned to speak and help out with chores.” Casca smiled to herself.

“He’s talkin’ huh? Hasn’t said anything to me yet. Still just points or stares at what he wants.” Guts admitted, a little jealous he wasn't getting to spend more time with them.

“What? Y-you’ve seen him?” Casca asked, snapping her head up to meet his eye. Had he been coming around the house? 

“Uhh… yeah, he visits me every couple o' days, still at night o’couse,” Guts chuckles, shaking his head, until he saw the worry in her eyes. “Don’t be mad at him Cas, he will probably never get outta that habit. Reminds me of myself when I was little, wanting to see the stars so I'd climb the hill to get a better view of the sky. Hell, I still do that from time to time.”

Some of her features relaxed but she stubbornly huffed and finished tying off the bandage before standing up. 

“Please, Casca… I enjoy his visits, he’s the only company I regularly get that isn’t that pesky elf who only nags my ass for not going into the village more,” Guts said, reaching for her, but he only brushed her arm and hand, afraid that if he tried grabbing her it might trigger memories.

Casca kept walking back to her basket and frowned at how many berries she had lost and ruined by dropping it. Kneeling down she tried to salvage what she could while gathering her thoughts.

“I’m not mad, I… …I just worry about him going out without telling me. I don’t mind that he visits you, it’s just…” she trailed off, knowing that Gekko probably didn't tell her because it would’ve upset her.

Guts got up and followed after her, as she spoke he decided to tell their son to let his mother know when he was leaving to visit, she didn’t need more worries. 

“S’okay, I get it. I worry about him too, even though there’s nothing here to harm him,” Guts chuckled again. “If it makes you feel any better I do trail him when he goes back home to ya. Can’t help it, sleep better knowin’ he’s safe… knowin’ you’re safe.”

“Thank you, Guts.”

He watched her pick through the berries on the ground before speaking again. It couldn’t end just yet, he wanted more, needed more.

“What were ya gonna do with all them berries?” 

“Make a pie or jam, something sweet, to share with Gekko. But I'm afraid I might have ruined too many and there won’t be enough,” she sighed.

“You learnin’ to cook?”

“Some things, although the others usually do most of the work. I want to help out more but I’m not very good at it,” she admits.

“I'm glad you're cared for Cas. And don't get down on yourself, learning to cook takes time,” Guts said with a sad smile, wishing he was the one that could've been taking care of her. 

“Thanks,” Casca says then turns to leave, but pauses, feeling like she needs more, needs to know she will see him again. Then an idea comes to her and she turns to Guts and looks at the swordsman. “Maybe, sometime soon? Y-you could come to dinner?” she asks, feeling uneasy. “I-I’m sure everyone would be happy to see you and eat with you again,” Casca adds, trying to cover her own excitement at getting to have a nice dinner with him.

“I’d like that… Anything to spend time with you… a-and Gekko,” Guts was trying and failing to hide how excited he was that she had offered and he wasn’t going to have to beg or worse live the next, however long, wondering if this was just a one-off, fluke encounter.

He wasn’t disappointed when she rewarded his acceptance with a wide smile. 

“Not tomorrow but the next day? We’ve been preparing something big for dinner, so be sure to bring your appetite, okay?” 

“Lookin’ forward to it."

“See you soon!” she said and walked away with a spring in her step, feeling lighter than she had in years. 

“...more than you know,” he said quietly to himself as he watched her walk back to the village, a wide smile breaking out across his face. 

Casca couldn't stop smiling, on her walk home. She greeted everyone she passed until arriving at the little house she shared with her son and a few others from the travel party. As she opened the door Gekko rushed to greet her, hugging Casca around her legs.

Gekko could smell his father on her and smiled brightly at her when she patted his head. 

~~~~~~~

That evening when Casca went out to gather herbs for dinner, she found a basket sitting on the step. It had a bundle of wildflowers in it, and under those were tons of berries, more than she had originally picked. Lifting the flowers she smelled their sweet aroma and smiled before taking the berries inside. 

“That was fast,” said Schierke. “Oh? Where did those come from?”

Casca blushed and ducked her head, trying to avoid the question.

“Do you have an admirer?” The young witch teased.

“A-actually…” Casca began hesitantly, “I saw Guts earlier today.”

“You did, and you’re okay?”

Casca nodded enthusiastically. 

“I dropped my basket and ruined many of the berries I had picked. He must have cleaned out the patch and brought them along with… with these,” she said, gesturing to the flowers.

“Well let's get them in some water and wash these berries.” Schierke smiled and filled a vase, handing it to Casca.

“D-do you think we could make some jam and have some at the feast? It could go well with biscuits for dessert or something else. I…I invited him over for the celebration,” Casca felt so nervous, she wanted to be close to him again but feared pushing herself and ruining all the progress she had made over the past months.

“That is wonderful! I am sure everyone else will be happy to see him, and I am proud of you for making an effort with him. I know he has been waiting for you this entire time,” Schierke confessed.

Casca stared wide-eyed at her friend as she realised again how much Guts had still been giving her. 

“But I want you to take your time, don't push yourself too hard,” Schierke added

Casca nodded and smiled kindly at Schierke, glad that she had support no matter her choices. Arranging the flowers more aesthetically, Casca placed the vase on the sideboard near the door. Then she returned outside to complete her original task.

~~~~~~~~~

After Casca was gone from his sight Guts called Puck.

“Well, well, well, it's about time you made an effort for this friendship,” Puck snarked.

Guts rolled his eye and began strapping his prosthetic on.

“Shuddup would ya? I need a favor.”

“Hmph, and why should I do anything for such an ungrateful, brooding lout?”

“Casca was just here,” Guts admitted.

“WHAT!? Why didn’t you tell me? You better not have scared her off you dumb brute. She has been making a lot of progress and been most content-”

“I didn’t scare her off!” Guts barked. “We… we had a good talk, she cried a lot but… s-she hugged me,” he couldn’t stop the smile that pulled up the corners of his mouth.

Puck was silent, for once, as he watched his friend remember fondly his recent encounter.

“Alright, what do you need from me?” Puck asked, determined to help Guts with whatever the man was planning to help him woo the woman he loved.

Guts snapped his head towards Puck, surprised at the sincerity and determination in the elf’s tone.

“I need a basket, a good one for berries.”

“On it. Be back in a flash!” Puck said before zipping away.

Guts took his things to his hut, dressed and met Puck outside.

“Alright here’s the basket, now what are we doing with it?”

“ We ?” Guts asked.

“Well, of course. I’m your wing-elf you know?” Puck said, puffing his chest out.

“Alright, just quit with the puns,” Guts said, taking the basket from the elf. “We’re pickin' berries,” he added as he walked off toward a patch he knew of, the opposite way from the one he assumed Casca had been to in order to pass by him earlier.

“Berries!?” Puck zipped along to catch up.

As they picked berries, Puck pestered Guts about why they were doing this, and how his afternoon with Casca went. After thirty minutes of non-stop questions Guts agreed to tell Puck about the encounter with Casca in more detail, if the elf stopped asking him questions.

For once Puck didn’t ask any questions at the end of Guts' recounting. He just hovered, legs crossed, arms folded and a smug smirk firmly on his face. It made Guts uneasy as the little being just floated nearby staring at Guts.

“Out with it, already!” his patience wearing thin, Guts put the basket down and turned away. He could feel his face growing hot.

“What else are we doing after this?”

“Huh?”

“Don’t tell me the berries are the only thing you are gonna give to her!?” Puck shrieked.

“I-is there something else I should do?”

“I can’t believe you!” Puck whined, dragging his hands down his face. “The berries are for everyone, you need to give her something special, something specifically for Casca!” The elf flew up to Guts and grabbed him by his shirt and shook it.

“Well…” Guts nervously rubbed the back of his head. “What should I get her then?”

“Hmm…” puck thought, tapping a finger on his chin for a moment. “AH! I know! I knew this girl once, she loved colorful leaves, you could get Casca some pretty leaves!”

Guts raised an incredulous eyebrow at his friend. “Leaves? … you think I should give Cas Leaves?”

“Well, maybe leaves aren’t as romantic to humans," Puck said and continued to talk out loud.

“Flowers will do,” Guts said, ignoring the elf.

“Oh yeah! I know where there’s a really pretty field of them,” Puck perked up, excited to help his friend in this matter.

Once they filled the basket with berries, Puck led Guts to the field where they gathered at least one of every kind in the field. When they finished the sun was setting and they went into the village to deliver the basket and bouquet.

“We should get a drink after this. If you and Casca are on better terms you can start spending more time in the village and with me," Puck said.

“Yeah, sure. Let’s just get through this dinner and see if she even really wants me around first.”

“It’s not like you are gonna run into her at the pub ya know? More likely to scare her by showing up at her home uninvited."

Guts stopped in his tracks, uncertainty creeping into every corner of his mind. It was true. What if she was outside or saw him looming outside and it scared her? What if it scared her so much that she told him not to bother coming to dinner? What if she decided she never wanted to see him again? Puck realised his misstep and turned around to console Guts and hopefully warm those cold feet he could see behind that look.

“Don’t worry, bud. I’ll go ahead and make sure the coast is clear. Come on Guts, you made it this far you can’t just leave, not without delivering the berries and the flowers. I’m sure she will love your gift even if you do surprise her,” Puck said, getting right into Guts' face.

“Y-yeah, go check if the coast is clear, would ya?”

“On it!”

Puck zipped away, Guts remained for a moment. He never thought he’d be this scared in his life; this uncertain of his next move, the simple step forward or backwards. Wait, backwards? Looking back over his shoulder then down at the basket in his mechanical hand, Guts resolved that backwards was not an option. Puck was right, he had come this far, worked hours to fill the basket with the tiny berries, plucked so many flowers that fed bugs and birds, he couldn’t, wouldn’t give up over fear of a ‘ what if?’ ...

No, Guts would keep his word, and his promise. As he pressed on his nervousness subsided until he got close enough to see the house. Where in the dim light of evening Puck played tag with Gekko. The boy spotted Guts and ran to him instantly, the game forgotten. 

“Hey, kid," Guts said, ruffling his son’s hair. 

The boy peaked in the basket and then smiled up at Guts, stars in his eyes. 

"Yeah, these are for your mom." 

Gekko began dancing and jumping for joy. It reassured Guts to know that even their son was rooting for them to get back together. Guts gestured for the boy to climb up and sit on his shoulders. When Gekko was situated his father offered him a handful of berries.

"I gotta talk to you though, and it's real important, you understand?" Guts asked.

Gekko pulled on his father's ear and looked at him wide-eyed, worry written all over his face. 

"Nothin' bad, just need you to start telling your mom when you wanna come 'n visit me. Night’s still fine. I know, I was a night owl when I was your age too. Just let her know. We don't need to worry her, okay?" Guts felt more than saw Gekko nod his head. 

Stopping at the door, Guts spotted Gekko as he climbed down. He sent Gekko off to play with another handful of berries and smiled when the boy hugged him around the neck. Then he placed the basket on the stone step outside the door and turned to leave. 

Upon hearing Casca's voice headed towards the door, Guts ran and hid behind the neighboring house. He watched her smell the flowers and marvel at all the berries. When she looked around for him, his heart did a flip in his chest.

His smile wouldn't quit as he made his way to the pub to drink with Puck, and anyone else he knew there.

~~~~~~~

For the rest of the evening Casca tried to stay present and engage with the others, but thoughts of Guts kept creeping into her mind. Even though the encounter with Guts was unexpected and at times had been triggering, it went surprisingly well. She hadn't realised how much she truly did miss him until walking away and wishing she had gotten one last hug. 

She was glad for her task of straining the seeds from the berries as Schierke and Ivalera prepared a simple meal for the night. Gekko came in to sit on the counter and talk at his mother, telling her about what he learned during his lessons with the master mages that day. He even cast a bit of restoration magic on her bouquet to keep the flowers fresh, for longer.

Gekko tried to stick his fingers in the sifted berry juices but Casca stopped him. He pouted, looking incredibly similar to Guts, and Casca realised just how much their son resembled his father. 

“Go wash up, dinner is almost ready, and after dinner, I’ll let you have some, Okay?” Casca negotiated.

“Oh-kay,” Gekko said with gusto and leapt off the counter to scurry to the wash basin.

With non-triggering images of Guts freshly in her mind, Casca wondered if perhaps raising Gekko was the biggest aid to her overcoming her PTSD. Seeing the boy as he grew to resemble Guts more and more each day, it softened the sharp edges of those horrific memories. She giggled softly before returning to her task.

“What’s on your mind Casca?” Schierke asked, noticing the woman had paused, watching her son leave the room.

“Oh, haha… I was just thinking… Gekko is the spitting image of Guts.” Casca said after pausing, pondering her theory again before sharing it out loud. 

Schierke waited for Casca to continue, sharing a knowing look with Ivalera. It didn’t take long for Casca to express the rest of her thoughts.

“That had been Daana’s intention of encouraging you both to stay here. Giving you all the support you needed to be a mother to Gekko. And in allowing Guts to stay, even though he chose to live apart from the village all this time,” Schierke admitted.

“You sneaky witch, when were you going to tell me any of this?” Casca asked, not at all upset, in fact, she felt blessed to have so many looking out for her, and aiding her recovery.

“Well, since you asked… My intention of telling you was reserved for this moment. When you reached the realisation on your own,” Schierke said with a cheeky grin.

“Thank you, Schierke. Really don’t know if I could’ve done any of this without all the help from you and everyone else,” Casca said, tears of gratitude threatening to spill into the berries.

“It was our pleasure, dear. You and that boy of yours are incredibly resilient. You both have brought so much joy to our lives. We are grateful to have had the opportunity to help,” Schierke says.

Casca just smiled gratefully. 

The rest of the evening went by as normally as any other. Everyone enjoyed the meal and went through their evening routines. Casca put Gekko to bed in his room, telling him a story. Laying down with him until the boy was asleep, Casca drifted off as well.

She woke up a couple of hours later and went to her own room. Undressing and preparing to sleep the rest of the night, Casca laid down. The minutes passed slowly, her mind kept revisiting her afternoon interlude with Guts. 

When she thought hard enough, she could smell him and that made her ache to be in his arms again. Groaning, she rolled over and hugged her second pillow to her body. 

The more she fought her own thoughts the stronger they grew. Strong arms, dark eyes, and a deep rumbling voice filled her mind, making heat pool in her core. As the tingling feeling spread through her body Casca began to explore her body. 

Her fingers played every weak point to drive her sensitivity higher. The pleasure inside her grew and she started to work her most intimate parts. 

Over the past several months Casca began exploring herself sexually. She was determined to discover what she liked, what got her turned on and what brought her the most pleasure. Having felt it to be an important step to recover from her trauma, she also wanted to be able to experience pleasure without a man dictating her joy in sex. Ultimately she grew more confident in enjoying touching herself and it made her want to experience another's touch again. 

Any time she thought about wanting to be with someone Guts was always at the forefront. Her heart ached to be near him, to let herself fall back in love with him. The idea of being in his arms again both excited and terrified her, until today. Now she felt an overwhelming need to be near him.

Casca moaned as her fingers slid inside her pussy.  She was getting closer and pinched her nipple, letting out a silent cry. With wet fingers she circled and rolled her clit between them, edging closer as the coil of tension grew around her womb. 

Increasing the pressure she was using, Casca felt herself riding the edge of climax. Desperate to reach mind-numbing pleasure she began to move her pelvis against her own hand. 

Casca increased her pace as time crept by but as what typically happened she was never able to do more than just edge herself along. With her eyes closed, she tried to remember her favorite moments with Guts, when he'd given her the most pleasure and she was able to make him come undone. With thoughts of the past, other memories surfaced and Casca removed her hands from her body and rolled into her stomach to scream into her pillow.

Tears stained the pillow as she beat on it in frustration. It wasn't fair, the only way she seemed able to successfully get off was if she had too much wine, but that wasn't fair to her son if she got drunk every week. Instead, she kept trying to get through this mental or emotional block she had. It was getting better each time she was able to do more, and get closer but edging was all age seemed to manage. 

Casca stopped crying and just hugged her pillow, wishing Guts would hold her. Watching the stars she thought back to their conversation and wondered if he was looking up at the sky at that very moment as well. 

~~~~~~

On the day of the big dinner, preparations began early. All their friends and former companions in Elfhelm were coming over for the feast and Casca was growing anxious about Guts' impending arrival. Each time Casca looked at the flowers she felt her stomach do little flips. This reaction was so new, so alien to her, she wasn’t sure if it was good or bad.

When Guts arrived he went straight to the kitchen where Casca was helping get all the food organised. He presented her with another bouquet, this one of flowers he'd obviously taken from gardens on his walk. Casca thanked him, blushing as a few of their friends made comments or snickered behind their hands. 

As she continued to help with preparations Guts spent time with Gekko, allowing the boy to climb him like a tree. They picked fruit from the garden, rolled in the grass and Guts helped his son catch frogs and bugs. Casca watched from the kitchen window until it was time to call them in for dinner.

After the meal, Gekko wore himself out playing with the fairies and other children. Sleepy eyed he came inside and found his father sitting in the corner watching others enjoy themselves. Crawling up into the man’s lap, the boy curled up and fell fast asleep. 

Casca watched how Guts allowed their son to climb on him and how the man used his hand to cradle the small child on his lap protectively. Her heart turned over and she continued to watch Guts as she helped to clean up after the meal.

After about an hour she went over to the table where now Isidro, Rodricke, Serpico, and Farnese were. Isidro was regaling them with tales of the battlefield, most about Guts. Casca went over to collect Gekko and put him in bed before the boisterous comrades woke him.

“He’s fine, Cas. Join us? Haven’ had a drink with you in ages,” Guts said covering the boy with his large hand before offering her a glass of ale.

Casca smiled and took a seat beside him, accepting the drink. Isirdo gave her a knowing look while the siblings giggled behind their hands. Then Isidro continued his story before moving on to another.

As the number of guests dwindled or other residents retired for the night, Guts yawned and stretched his arms. Casca reached for Gekko to take the boy to bed but Guts stopped her with a gentle hand on her arm.

“May I?” He asked.

Casca nodded and Guts cradled the slumbering boy in his arms while standing. 

“Lead the way, momma,” Guts said with a teasing glint in his eye.

Casca rolled her eyes and led him to Gekko’s room where Guts tucked the boy into bed. She watched, feeling her heart ache at how caring, kind, gentle and patient Guts had become. They both went back downstairs to put away the final glasses and Guts moved a very drunk Roderick where he had passed out on the table to the lounge near the fireplace.

“Anythin’ else ya need me to do for you Cas?” Guts asked as he brought two more cups.

“N-no, I don't think so,” Casca said.

“Alright then, I guess… I should head back and let you rest. Night Cas, and thanks for invitin’ me,” Guts said and turned to leave.

“S-stay!” Casca said, grabbing his arm before he could get very far.

“Cas…I-I don’t know if-”

“Please Guts, I-I just want to feel safe… and I feel safest with you,” Casca admitted looking right into his wide, surprised eye.

“If you’re sure,” Guts said.

“Yes, I just want you to hold me…I-I…I’m not…not ready to…”

“Anything you want, whatever you need, I’ll do it,” Guts said, understanding what she was struggling to say and pulled her into his arms to hold her close.

Casca buried her face into his chest and breathed in the musk of this man whose presence and scent brought her peace like she had never known. 

“Thank you,” she said softly.

“As I said, anything for you,” Guts said, kissing the top of her head. 

“Come on,” Casca said, stepping out of his arms and leading the way up the stairs to her bedroom.

She held his hand as they walked and Guts couldn't stop staring at where she gripped him so tightly her knuckles were pale. He couldn’t help but smile, but as they reached the top of the stairs his heart began to race and his palm grew sweaty. As her door swung open and he saw the single bed he turned her to face him.

“Cas, are you sure you want me here? …Are you sure you’re ready? I-”

He stopped talking when Casca pulled her hand from his and placed her fists on her hips and she looked up at him, annoyed.

“I am getting tired of everyone asking me that. If I wasn't, do you think I would ask you to stay? Do you think I wouldn’t have watched you all night? Do you think I don’t yearn for what we lost?” Casca said, looking him dead in the eye, her jaw set in determination.

“Alright, I won’ ask again, but you let me know if you’re uncomfortable, or if I do something you don’ want. ‘Cause if this night doesn’ get repeated,” he reached his hand up to cup her cheek, “I might just go mad, Cas. I-I love you, still, always and forever,” Guts smiled at the fire in her eyes to forge a new future for them.

Casca smiled wide as her eyes softened and she leaned into his hand. Hers came up to hold the back of his large hand before taking hold of it once more and tugging him into her room. Guts closed the door behind him and waited for her to lead him through whatever she wanted or needed from him.

Casca let go of his hand as the door closed and began untying the laces on the front and sides of her dress. Guts gulped as he watched her fingers make quick work of the strings. He was feeling extremely nervous now that she was beginning to strip, more nervous than he'd ever been with her.

“Always loved seein' you in a dress… Never thought I’d see you so familiar with one,” Guts teased, trying to distract himself from his anxiety.

Casca looked over her shoulder at him and smirked. “What can I say? They are quite comfortable and come in handy as a mother, they have better pockets than pants and armour.”

Guts' chuckle died in his throat as Casca pulled the thick outer dresses off over her head, leaving her in nothing but the thin, sleeveless, linen slip. Her body silhouetted by the lantern on the bedside table. He swallowed hard and looked away, his hand itching to touch her, to feel her once familiar curves. 

Breathing deep to calm the stirrings he felt inside himself, Guts flinched when he felt her hands on his back and the bicep above his prosthetic. Her strong hands ran over his muscles with a gentleness he wished to grow accustomed to. Unable to hold back the tremble that raced through his body, Guts sighed and closed his eye to savour this moment.

“C-can I take off this hunk of metal?” her hand on his arm ran down to the cage that supported his elbow joint.

“’Course you can, hate wearin’ it to sleep anyway,” Guts said and turned around to face her.

Before he could start, Casca began undoing the binds of his vest. She ran her hands up his chest, pushing the garment off his shoulders, making Guts groan. Casca watched as his face relaxed and admired how his chest heaved with yet another sigh. 

Guts couldn’t look at her as she continued to undress him, seeing her so close, in the low light, admiring him, touching him, it would drive him wild for her. He needed to control himself until she asked him to let go and make her his all over again.

Casca pulled the hem of his shirt from where it was tucked into his pants and ran her hands up his toned flesh. The way his core rippled and trembled at her touch made Casca feel heat pooling in her core. This power she held over him, to be able to reduce the mighty warrior to such a state, was something she was finding to be quite a turn-on. 

As memories of their past flashed through her mind she grew nervous because they always led to memories she didn’t want. Pausing with her hands over his heart, she leaned her head against him and breathed him in for a moment. Calm began to wash over her as Guts brought his hand up to gently rub her back.

When Casca paused, Guts was worried she might be having second thoughts and he was certain what she was doing to him was obvious by the bulge swelling in his trousers. Once her forehead leaned against him, Guts looked down at her and saw her shaking as much as he. Stroking her back he hoped to soothe her, praying that she wouldn’t send him away once she calmed. 

He was not disappointed when Casca lifted her head and continued moving her hands, exposing his chest to her hungry eye. She leaned in and planted a gentle kiss over his heart, before pulling his tunic off over his head, with his willing assistance. Licking her lips she took a moment to admire the slightly hairier, yet ever-muscular build of her love.

Guts gasped when he felt her soft, full lips press against his flesh. Again he closed his eyes to prevent growing more aroused by the sight of her kissing his chest. When she paused he mistook the moment for her being confused as to how to remove the prosthetic. 

“Start with the buckle on the back, then move on to the rest, pull the straps around my arm loose and it’ll fall off.” Guts instructed.

Her core tightened at the sound of his low husky voice, she hadn’t heard him sound that way since telling her he wanted her 1000 more times. Taking a steadying breath she pushed the memories away and focused on freeing his stump from the cold metal contraption. Casca followed his instructions and as she loosened the straps around his bicep she held onto the cage part and felt the weight fall into her hand. Setting the arm on the chair beside them she continued to unwrap his bandages, rolling each up neatly and setting them beside the arm.

Again her hands travelled to the contours of his form back to his heart. Guts placed his hand over hers and leaned down to press his forehead to hers. They stayed there for a while, both breathing in the other, calming their racing hearts and finding peace in each other’s presence.

“You’ve gotten hairier,” Casca said after a moment.

Guts laughed, throwing his head back in a full-body laugh. It was just the thing they needed to break the tense atmosphere that had been threatening his control. Casca joined him, unable to refrain with his contagious laughter filling her ears. 

As their mirth subsided and the pair relaxed, Casca looked into Guts' eye and gave him a smile like he hadn’t seen since before the eclipse. It warmed him to see her looking at him like this again, no pain in her eyes, just pure joy and life.

“I have missed your laugh,” Casca admitted, blushing slightly and looking away from him but still smiling.

“And I’ve missed this smile,” Guts said, cupping her chin to force her to look at him again.

Between her soft gasp and how her eyes darted between his lips and eye, Guts acted on impulse. He leaned down and pressed his lips to hers. Casca froze, so many memories flooding her mind, their first kiss, their last kiss as lovers, Griffith trying to kiss her, Femto, and then Guts again when she was Elaine.

Casca raised her hand and slapped Guts hard across the left side of his face. She stepped back shaking her head, trying desperately to not let her memories control her. As the panic began to creep in she started to hyperventilate. Then it subsided at the sound of Guts' voice.

“Shit, I’m sorry Casca. I-I thought you… Fuck! I should’ve asked. This was a mistake, I-I’ll go. I’ll go and you won’-”

“Shut-up!” Casca hissed, still fighting to control her panicked heart.

Guts froze and looked at her. She was enraged and he flinched instinctively, convinced he had ruined everything, he waited for her to speak. The least he could do after forcing a kiss on her again was to stay and accept the consequences. So he hung his head in shame and awaited her wrath.

Casca tried not to laugh at how much Guts resembled a kicked puppy in this moment. His thoughts were so clearly written on his face. Taking a deep breath she saw him flinch again and she stepped back up to him. 

“You fool,” she said barely above a whisper.

He refused to lift his head, only sighing and looking away, effectively putting Casca in his blind spot. Reaching both her hands up, she cupped his face and pulled him back down to kiss him roughly. The memories threatened again but the surprised grunt Guts made bolstered her determination.

Guts couldn’t believe what was happening. It took him several seconds to accept this reality. When he felt Casca’s teeth nip his lower lip he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer. Slowly he began to reciprocate the kiss, moving his lips with hers, still letting her dictate how far this kiss went. 

Casca hadn’t been mad at Guts, although he did deserve the slap for biting Elaine’s breast and she wouldn’t apologise for that. She was angry that the other things had happened and that the experience dictated the next three years of her life. She was angry her brain wouldn’t let go of those memories, preventing her from living her life and having what she truly wanted… 

Her family . 

Gekko and Guts were her family, and their friends, but she wanted Guts to be able to treat her normally, and not feel like he had to walk on eggshells around her. So Casca decided to take control back into her own hands, control of her life, and control of this situation. What Guts hadn’t seen as she stepped into him before kissing him, was the smile that spread across her face.

As Guts pulled her body against his, the heat of his flesh penetrated the thin fabric covering hers. Casca moaned softly into their kiss and wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing herself further against him. Guts groaned and lifted her off her feet before walking them to her bed. 

Sitting on the edge Casca straddled his lap and continued her gentle yet firm exploration. Rising over him, she pressed her body against his to deepen the kiss, and glided her tongue through his slightly open mouth. Guts eagerly opened wider, meeting her wet appendage with his own. Their tongues slid over each other slowly, both savouring this kiss, both wanting to sear it into their memory as a kiss to end all others.

Running his hand down her back, across her waist, down her thigh and then back up, Guts was hesitant to touch her anywhere else but ached to feel all of Casca all at once. He also caressed her other side with the sensitive end of his stump, wishing he had his other hand to hold her like before. He wanted to grab her by the ass and pull her against him as he ground his pelvis against her, showing her how fucking excited he was, how excited she made him.

Almost as if she was reading his mind, Casca lowered herself back into his lap, dragging her body against his. She was lost in the moment of the kiss and her body burned for more. As slowly as she glided her body over his, Casca encouraged Guts to taste her mouth, drawing her tongue back as his followed.

With his concentration shifting to dominating their locked lips, Guts began moving his hand in a crescent arch around the curve of her ass, avoiding touching it at all costs. Casca wanted more, she needed more. Her nipples hardened as she slid down his body, the fabric of her slip was rough against them. She pressed further into Guts as she settled into his lap, needing to feel more of him. Casca was not dissatisfied to discover the laces of his trousers against her core. 

She moaned into the kiss and waited until his hand was in just the right spot on the back of her upper thigh. Shifting her pelvis she gyrated her core against the rough cord holding his pants up and shifted herself under his gentle touch to place her ass beneath his large hand. 

Again she moaned, crying out as Guts gasped. He hesitated to continue, breaking their kiss momentarily but the passion and trust written on Casca’s face encouraged Guts to forge ahead. He gripped her firmly pulling her against him again and crashed his mouth onto hers. Casca cried out again as Guts ravaged her mouth. 

Years, he had waited years to see that look on Casca's face outside his dreams. Even when he had given up on finding a way to bring her back, still he hoped, still he waited. And now, here was his woman; warm, supple and wet pressed against him. Oh, how she was wet, he felt it as she slid down his body. Could feel it still, seeping through his pants and driving him crazy. 

Guts let his hand travel down her leg once more to feel her skin. Then he slowly slid his hand up her thigh, under her slip. Casca trembled under his rough hand, gently caressing her skin. She moaned and Guts let his hand knead the curvature of her ass, groaning as he felt more of her heat and wetness grind against him.

Casca periodically opened her eyes to see Guts as he kissed her. Whimpering into his mouth each time he squeezed her ass and she would grind against him. 

His gentle caresses felt like heaven to her and each time he squeezed a little more roughly she would look at him again, reminding herself she was safely embraced by the man she loved. As he daringly touched her skin she felt anxiety creep into her mind. 

With eyes fully open Casca tried to fight away the growing feeling inside her. Shifting her focus she allowed her hands to roam his body, gliding over rippled scars, smooth skin, and finding the hairy patch in the center of his chest. She spread her fingers over the pounding muscle trapped inside his ribs, trying to keep hers at a matching pace. 

As Guts felt Casca, caressing the musculature of his body, the ache to seat himself inside her grew to a brutally painful level. His body trembled as his cock strained against the rough fabric of his trousers. Reading her actions as his lover wanting more, he gripped her hard and for the first time thrust up against her soaking sex.

Instantly, Casca yelped and pulled away from him, so fast she began to fall backwards. Guts pulled his hand away from her like she was made of flames. The fear in Casca's eyes, eyes that shifted between seeing him and seeing her trauma, was like a knife in his heart. When her look changed to shocked terror, his widened and his hand shot to the middle of her back, preventing her fall.

Heart in her throat, Casca cried out at the horrifying feeling of falling while seeing her memories threatened to take over her vision. She instinctively reached out and grabbed Guts' arms to stabilise herself when she saw the scared look in his eye and his arms outstretched towards her. All at once memories of both times she had gone over a cliff chased away every other thought.

A few shaky breaths later Casca finally broke eye contact with Guts, wrapping her arms around herself as tears began to build in her eyes. Guts let his hand fall away now that she was stable. He felt tears threaten to fall and wanted nothing more in that moment than to hold her.

"Okay. You're right," Guts' voice was so gentle that Casca couldn't help but look up at him. "That's enough for tonight. Come 'ere," he coaxed, opening his arms to her.

She saw the hurt on his face and the tears in his eyes. Letting her own begin to fall, Casca shook her head and fell against Guts' chest. He wrapped his arms around her protectively and rocked back and forth with her, ignoring the throbbing member between them. It wasn't like it would last much longer with Casca crying against his chest, he was only grateful she was with him again.

Too far, they had taken things too far. Casca had said she wasn't ready for more than what they were doing right now and they pushed it well beyond that. When Casca sniffled, Guts loosened his hold on her and she looked up to see his face, it was strained and she wondered if he was regretting staying.

"Come on, it's late," he said, letting go of her to pull the blankets back on her bed. He then shifted her easily in his arms and laid her down on the far side of the bed, facing him before he turned away from her.

"Don't leave, stay with me," Casca demanded, grabbing his right elbow.

His sigh sounded relieved and he visibly relaxed. "Wouldn' dream of it," he said, turning toward her and standing on his feet to lean over the bed. Guts tenderly kissed her forehead before pulling back and giving her a self-deprecating smile, pain still written on the ceases of his forehead. "I do need to adjust a few things before I can lay down with you though." 

The smirk he gave her was boyish and Casca blushed, ducking her head as a small "oh" passed her lips. Guts kissed her forehead again before he stood up and turned away from her. 

He hissed as his rough hand gripped his still swollen shaft. It was rubbed a little raw in a spot that kept connecting with his pants and he shifted it up and to the other side. He also adjusted his pants to be slightly askew, so the dampened area created by Casca wouldn't chafe the other side of his cock. He sighed in relief and climbed into bed laying down on his left side facing Casca so she could use his left arm as a pillow and he could hold her in his right.

As they lay there, looking into one another's eyes, conflicting feelings inside them both caused tension to rise. Guts felt guilty, selfish, foolish, yet overjoyed that Casca still desired him, that she wanted him so badly she had been a willing, and at some points instigating, party in just how far things got. Casca felt shame for not being stronger, guilt for how much pain Guts had appeared to be in from simply grinding against him as she had. Anger, anger at herself for feeling both shame and guilt, anger at the one that was the cause of these feelings ever existing in the first place. Lastly, she felt helpless and afraid. Afraid she may never fully recover from this trauma.

"I'm sorry," Guts whispered. He had watched her eyes grow farther and farther away and needed to break this now uncomfortable silence.

"No, I'm sor-"

"Hey!" Guts hissed. "Weren't you listening earlier? You have nothing to be sorry for, ever !"

The last word came out as a growl and Casca just stared at him, wide-eyed.

"I got too excited, I shoulda had better control, I shouldn't've taken things that far, I shoulda been more considerate, more-"

"Fool," Casca said, ending his rant of self-degradation and earning a familiar stubborn glare from him. "I, I, I… do you know how to talk about anything other than yourself?"

"Hey-"

"No!" Casca snapped and Guts shut his mouth, scowl firmly in place. "I wanted you , still do want you, Guts. I want us back. I hate how hard this is. How hard it is to ache for your touch but every time you do touch me I have to battle memories from clouding the moment. How with each new step, no matter how small, another memory of that day surfaces to sour something wonderful. I miss you with every fiber of my being and hate that when I look at you in certain lighting, or when you have a particular expression on your face all I can do is see you as you were… on that day."

Guts' scowl instantly softened into a frown of overwhelming empathy for his love. He cupped her cheek, stroking it with his thumb in encouragement to continue.

"I hate that I feel shame for still feeling so traumatised, and I hate that I feel guilty for not being able to continue… not being able to satisfy you as a man. I hate that I feel like it's my "duty as a woman". I hate that I can't satiate this burning, aching desire I have, without horrific images clawing at me. I hate that despite being whole, I still feel broken, helpless and utterly terrified." Casca fought back tears that were threatening to spill over again.

Guts pulled her in close and held her, rubbing her back until she sighed and began breathing normally again. 

"Cas… just knowin' you want me's enough for me. I don't care how long it takes, you aren't obliged to "satisfy" me, I still have one good hand ya know," he smiled when Casca snorted through a giggle. "And if you are never able to? That's okay, I’ll manage, but I'll never leave you again. I spent two years away from you, when you needed me, all 'cause it hurt too much to look at you and not have you lookin' back. I can’t take that back, but I’ll spend the rest of my life makin’ it up to ya." 

Casca pushed on his chest so she could look up at Guts. "I want , no, I need to be able to be with you completely and wholly. If I don't get through this I might go insane, Guts," Casca paused, gauging the concern and confusion on his face. "You might be able to satisfy your own needs but… I-I can't… I can't finish ." Casca blushed and bit her lip, hating her embarrassment in this situation.

Guts didn't know what to say, with how much joy she used to take in her own pleasure, it seemed a cruel sort of irony. Remembering how in the short time they got to spend together, Casca had helped Guts through his own trauma enough to the point where he enjoyed letting her ride him, he was determined to help her through this. Even if it meant opening old wounds, he would make sure Casca could experience mind-numbing bliss both with him and on her own.

"If you want this, we’ll get it done, Cas. but know that you are the strongest woman-one of the strongest people I have ever known. You, Casca, are anything but helpless."

Casca looked up into his eye. The determination she saw there was akin to when he vowed to bring their son home to her, or when he vowed to get Griffith back. She knew without a doubt that he would see her wishes brought into reality. Hugging him closely, Casca breathed in his scent and thought about things she hadn’t allowed herself to ponder before this night. 

She regretted enlisting Guts to help them and regretted ever rescuing Griffith. She and Guts could be happily retired soldiers raising their two year old son on a farm somewhere in the countryside. But it wasn’t in their nature to abandon a comrade in need. Just like it wasn’t Guts’ fault Griffith lost all control and forgot how to play the game he had been playing. All he needed to do was wait a few more days to be knighted, then two years for the king to die to make Charlotte his wife and thereby have his kingdom.

“I’m sorry I blamed you for his lack of control back then. It wasn’t fair to put that on you,” Casca said quietly.

“S’okay, don’t worry about the past. We have a future to build,” Guts nuzzled the top of her head, holding her close wallowing in the feeling of having her press against him, their legs tangled together and he clinging to him like her lifeline once again.

“I love you, Guts,” she whispered.

Guts pulled back and cradled the back of her head in his hand. Staring deep into her eyes in the dying light of the candle Guts craned his neck and pressed his forehead to hers.

“I love you too, Casca,” he said before sealing his lips to hers in a tender and loving kiss, a simple melding and massaging of lips.

The tingling sensation on their lips that lingered as they shared the same breath made Casca’s eyes sparkle in a way he hadn’t seen before. Guts wanted to see her look at him this way everyday, if he could manage that, he would die a happy man.

It wasn’t long after that when Casca drifted off to sleep. Guts shifted her to lay across his chest so he could stretch out in the small bed. As he stared at the ceiling in the last flickering bursts from the candle Guts couldn’t help smiling like the fool Casca always called him. After a lifetime of horror, he was finally at peace, happy even.

~~~~~~

The birds outside began to herald the impending dawn as Casca stirred. Her eyes fluttered as they opened slowly. She felt warm from the wall of muscle at her back and safe under the weight across her body. It had been too long since she felt so safe, so loved. 

Snuggling into his body Casca felt the hard shaft of his manhood straining towards her through his pants. She froze as she recalled the few, and precious mornings they had spent together in the tent they shared. Heat pooled in her core as she recalled them worshipping each other for hours as the sun rose and the camp began to come to life. A smile spread across her face as she allowed herself to wallow in this memory.

Guts woke up when Casca shifted. When she froze, he realised why a split second later. He was rock hard and pressed into her ass.

"Mmm… mornin'," Guts said, kissing the top of her head.

Not wanting to make her feel uncomfortable or trapped, Guts lifted his arm to roll to his back. Convinced Casca was gonna bolt away from him when she flinched. But he only made it three-quarters of the way when Casca grabbed his wrist. 

"You're leaving already?" She asked.

She sounded disappointed, but Guts thought he heard something more… Was she teasing him or testing him? Honesty was what their relationship has always been based on and he wasn't gonna start lying to her now.

"Cas, I don't want-"

"Get your ass back over here and hold me," she demanded, tugging on his wrist gently. 

Casca was done with hearing about what wasn't wanted, she was in too good a mood and only cared about what she wanted.

Guts paused and just stared at her wondering if he was still sleeping. If this was a dream, it was a good one, but if he was still in bed with Casca in Elfhelm he needed to wake up so this dream didn't cause him to do anything to her she wasn't ready for. Biting the inside of his cheek he winced when his molars broke skin.

Casca had grown impatient and tugged on his arm again. "That's an order soldier," she started firmly.

The pain in his cheek was forgotten, Guts smiled, he couldn't believe this was real. When she huffed stubbornly he remembered how she liked having orders followed immediately.

"Yes, Boss ," he said as he curved his body around hers and wrapped his arm around her waist.

Casca smiled and pressed against him enjoying his teasing and the return of his warmth. Something was missing though. 

"Hold me like you used to."

Guts hesitated, but the command in her voice pushed him to do her bidding. This was a side of her that drove him crazy, the demanding, bossy, leader; he loved it and was overcome with nostalgia for those blissful days they shared.

Sliding his hand over her stomach and up the valley between her breasts, Guts cupped her left breast. Casca sighed in satisfaction, then cried out in surprised pleasure when he plucked her hardened peak. Her hand flew to cover her mouth as Guts continued to massage her breast and tease her nipple.

"Oh, forgive me. It seems I let you get cold earlier," Guts teased, the smile he wore was obvious through his tone.

"Mmm," Casca moaned. "You better set that right," she goaded, her body melting against his, lost in the pleasure he was delivering onto her.

Guts wondered if Casca was aware she was now grinding against him. By every tiny reaction and her soft cries of his name, she seemed to be happily enjoying him touching her. He wanted to see more of her, he wanted more from this moment.

"Casca?" Guts asked near the shell of her ear, his voice thick with desire and Casca arched her back pressing into his body and his touch.

"Yes, Guts?" She gasped as he rolled her nipple between his thumb and finger.

"Will you do something for me?" He asked, kissing down her neck.

"A-anything," she moaned as he found her weak spots along her throat.

"Show me how you touch yourself. I wanna see what you do when you think of me," it wasn't a question, he genuinely needed to see; if this continued and ended without that taste, he would surely go insane.

Casca gasped, her heart skipping a beat as her core clenched in excitement and heat rose in her face. It was a little embarrassing but she couldn't deny how much the idea of an exhibition for Guts turned her on even more. 

"Please, Cas? Please?" He begged, as he confined nipping and kissing her neck and shoulder.

She nodded as a breathy "okay" fell from her lips. It was obvious how much she wanted to, and he found her shyness utterly adorable. He slowly caressed her abs, over her womb, and down the top of her right thigh; to slide his hand between her legs above the knee. He encouraged her to lift her right leg, resting it over his as she hiked up her slip to expose herself.

Slowly Guts then pulled the blanket up over their heads. As her left hand traveled under her nightgown to play with her breast that Guts had abandoned, her right went between her legs to glide over the wet lips of her sex. 

He watched in rapture as her hands moved to her apex. Cupping her cheek he craned his neck then pulled her to look at him, and kissed her with all the love and passion he felt for this amazing, strong, wonderful woman.

The kiss left Casca struggling to remember how to breathe as Guts trailed kisses across her jaw and down her neck. All the while keeping his eyes on what her right hand was doing. His hand caressed down her throat to her right breast where he mimicked what her left hand was doing.

Casca wet two fingers in her opening and slid them up to draw circles around her clit. Each time she would change the rhythm her fingers played on her bundle of nerves Guts would glance at her face to catch her reactions, encouraging her to keep going and praising her beauty. 

Watching Guts watch her from the corner of her eye was driving her on, his unabashed fascination made her feel like a work of art one couldn't help but fall into. She trembled with how hot her body was growing, how tight the coil of pleasure inside her was becoming. Dipping her fingers into her opening, pressing them as deep as they could go, Casca moved her hips in an attempt to ride her own hand. 

It wasn't working and she sighed in frustration before pulling them back out to play with her clit once more. She pressed her chest into Guts' hand, pleading for him to be a bit rougher. Hoping that if she could make the nub a little more sensitive and over-stimulate her mind, she could experience bliss again. 

Guts caught it all and devised a plan to help her. It would require finesse to work and he hoped he wouldn't fuck it up.

"Casca, look at me?" 

Guts made his request, being sure to keep his profile to her so she didn't have to see the ruined eye or bleached patch in his hair. When she looked he smirked at her and dragged his hand down her body to stroke the inside of her thigh.

"Please," Casca moaned and shifted her pelvis, reaching out towards his hand as it brushed dangerously close to her sex.

"You're amazing, Casca," he said as he began to knead the fleshy soft part of her inner most thigh "So fucking gorgeous," Guts said, letting his fingers trail through the junction between her thigh and her pussy. 

Again she tried to pivot to make him touch her where she wanted as she began to pinch and roll her clit in her fingers. The pressure was growing unbearable she felt frantic and wild, if she couldn't come she was certain she would lose her mind.

"So damn enticing," he said as those fingers moved to caress along the edges of her lips.

She cried out, still pleading with him to do more.

"I love you, Casca," Guts then slid two of his long, thick fingers through her slit once before driving them deep into her.

Her whole body tensed and she reached her climax staring into his eye. Then he moved his fingers against the textured pad deep inside her, unlocking the floodgates. Her insides squeezed around his fingers and he bit down on her shoulder to keep from ripping his pants off and burying his cock inside her tight channel.

Casca came hard, harder than she ever had before, convulsions racking through her as Guts wrapped his stump around her to hold her close. His bite only added to her stimulation. It wasn't long until he kissed where he had been biting and licked up her neck. Her juices flowed over his hand and he thrust his fingers deep into her again, causing her to cry out.

Tears began pouring from her eyes as Casca continued to writhe against his hand and into his body. As her cries of pleasure began to turn into sobs she was still in the final throes of her orgasm.

Guts froze, scared he'd hurt her but when she smiled at him he saw these were happy tears, tears of relief and he kissed her. Pulling back he smiled a wicked smile and pulled his fingers from her cunt. Bringing them to his mouth, where he sucked her creamy fluids off. 

Casca gasped at how he groaned from the taste of her. Guts quickly kissed her again driving his tongue into her mouth, making her taste herself on him. She whimpered and wrapped her left arm around his neck, their tongues sliding over each other in a slow and sensual dance.

"I wanna taste more of you," Guts said as they remained a breath apart.

"Yes. Yes, please. Please Guts, I want more…I want you," Casca was eager for more, finally understanding how Guts felt that first time beside the waterfall.

Guts smiled and slid out from behind and under her. He kissed her sweetly before trailing more down her body, kissing every scar, and caressing every place he remembered others touching her. Taking special care around her right breast to lavish attention on the scars he created when he bit her all too hard. 

Casca knew what he was doing, knew he was reclaiming every inch of her body. She watched him intently, searing the image of him worshipping her into her memory, replacing the hurt there with pleasure. 

He made his way slowly downward, taking time to go over every mark, every curve and contour of his beloved's body. As Guts settled between her legs he could feel the heat coming off her core and groaned.

Casca reached down and ran her fingers through Guts' silver hairs, massaging his scalp. He glanced up at her, growling playfully before nipping at her hip. Casca giggled, feeling Guts grin against her skin, his teeth grazing the ridge of her bone, and his tongue dragging over the spot; travelling ever lower onto her thigh.

Guts was thankful for the growing light outside and the pale color of the light blanket over them, it made it easier for him to see the scars Casca had from the eclipse. He continued to kiss and nip her inner thigh as he tried to quell the rage he felt from seeing the marks left by those that violated her. Hooking his left arm under her leg, he pinned out down, spreading her a little more for his viewing. He then used his hand to gently caress her womanhood. 

Casca tried to press herself into his touch but she was pinned down by his arm. Both hands buried in his hair, she whispered his name again and again on breathy moans while rocking against his hand desperately seeking more friction. 

Removing his hand from her glistening mind of curls he teased her. Caressing her other thigh and he peppered kisses all around her slit as he made sure to breathe over it to watch her muscles spasm. 

Her cries of his name grew more desperate and Casca tugged on his hair to get his mouth where she wanted. Guts groaned and allowed her to move him, but when she tried to push his face into her he darted out his tongue and licked right up her slit. She cried out and one of her hands flew to cover her mouth.

His hand moved to spread her open and Guts blew gently over her opening. Casca looked down at where he was watching her insides beg for contact. The hungry look in his eye made her moan and he glanced up at her, a wicked grin spreading over his features. Casca whimpered as she wondered what he was going to do next.

She didn't have to wait long until Guts dragged his tongue slowly through her exposed pink, up to her clit where he drew lazy circles around it. Using his tongue he replicated what her fingers had been doing, alternating between gentle circles and firm strokes, dipping into her to gather the nectar she produced.

Gradually Guts added extra techniques, gauging her reactions to find out what Casca liked best. Flicking his tongue over her clit was good, but sucking on it made her legs flex, her fingers dig into his scalp, and her cries grow louder behind her hand.

With this new discovery, it didn't take long for Casca to reach her second climax. As her cries of his name grew higher pitched and her hips rocked frantically against his face, Guts increased the speed of his tongue and force of the suction. When he flicked her clit finally while sucking it and accidentally bit down a little, he didn't expect Casca's entire body to tense and her back to arch off the bed.

Her orgasm made his cock jump impatiently. While concentrating on bringing her to this point he had managed to ignore his erection, and now that she was in the throes of another intense climax he ached to feel her clench around him. Easing off her clit he licked her pretty pink inner lips, which were soaked in her own cream, lapping up every drop that overflowed.

"Guts…" Casca released his hair to touch the side of his face and encourage him to look up at her.

She could see him trying to hide the pain he was in with his smug pride at making her come twice in under twenty minutes. 

"You good Cas?" He asked licking his lips, savouring the remnants of her juices that lingered there.

"Come here," she said, stroking her fingers along his jaw to draw him up to her. "I want, I need you, please," she begged, trailing her hands up her body to bundle her nightgown near her throat and shifting her hips in anticipation of cradling him between her thighs.

Guts' eye widened before he smiled and crawled up her body while shifting his loosened pants down his legs, only bothering to free one foot. He left a few kisses in his wake before he settled at eye level with the tiny woman. Kissing her Guts moved the last few inches to press his painfully hard dick against her still-wet pussy.

Wrapping her arms around him, one over his shoulder to sink her fingers into the hair at the back of his head, the other under his arm to hold onto the width of his muscular back. Casca rocked her hips against him, rubbing herself on the hot shaft pressing into her as she moaned into the kiss. She felt Guts tremble and she held him a little tighter. 

Guts rested over her on his elbows, he broke away from the kiss and stroked her hair. When she rocked against him, slipping herself over his shaft, he almost came from feeling her lips enveloping him so eagerly. He needed to talk to Casca, to reign in his control.

"You're so fuckin' beautiful," Guts said kissing her forehead. 

"Guts…" Casca loosened her hold, gently massaging the back of his neck.

"You're such an enticin' woman," he added, kissing her cheek.

"Guts, please," Casca was growing concerned he might want to stop.

"Casca, you're so amazin', so fuckin' perfect."

"Guts," Casca said, cupping his cheek to stay his lips kissing her again. "I want to feel you. Please, I need you inside me, now." 

Guts was shocked at her bold speech and gulped. 

"Do you hear me? I'm telling you to fuck me, now ." She arched against him as she felt his dick twitch when she demanded he take her. 

"Casca," Guts kissed her again, driving his tongue into her mouth as he thrust against her sex a few times to lubricate himself with her juices. 

"Please, Guts, I need you," Casca said on the verge of tears, wrapping her legs around his hips and arching against him again as she tore her slip off over her head.

Guts pulled back, mixing the precum leaking from him with her juices seeping out. Repeating the motion again Casca moved with him, both moaning at the contract as they looked into each other's eyes. On the third time he pulled back, Casca angled her hips and Guts felt her opening engulf his tip, he shifted the last bit to thrust forward and seat himself fully inside her. They both cried out before groaning at the sensation of being connected again while rocking gently against each other.

He started slowly backing out of her, nearly all the way, before thrusting roughly into her again. Casca buried her face into his arm to keep her voice muffled and hooked her ankles together locking him in her hold. Guts began moving a little faster, but still lingering while fully sheathed inside her, loving how her walls flexed and gripped him. 

For Casca, she could feel herself reflexively squeezing him each time he lingered and his cock twitched inside her. The way he slowly moved was exquisite, driving her need for more even higher. While she wanted to make this last, she knew in the back of her mind that Gekko would come looking for her soon and she wanted to finish, to feel Guts finish and fill her. 

Thinking of feeling her love come inside her again Casca wondered if she was still even capable of having children. Would Guts want more children? Would he be upset if she couldn't? 

"Casca?" Guts asked, his movements stilled when her eyes took on a faraway look. "You okay?"

Casca blushed, not wanting to ruin the moment with her pondering she nodded. Guts kissed her forehead again and rocked into her, reminding her where she was.

"What do you need?" He asked.

"More, I need you to give me more, fuck me harder," Casca said and cried out when Guts thrust roughly into her. 

"Hold on to me, Cas," Guts said, his voice strained with how wild he felt from her request. 

Casca wrapped her limbs around him tighter as he began to thrust into her, picking up pace quickly. To keep her voice contained she bit down on his shoulder. Guts grunted as sounds of wet flesh slapping together mingled with their breathy moans and muffled cries. 

Guts climbed onto his knees and supporting them on his left elbow grabbed Casca by the ass, guiding her body as he powered into her. The assault she unleashed on his shoulder grew sporadic as her cries increased in pitch and volume before she gave up trying to stimulate him and just held onto his body as best as she could.

Guts watched her face as bliss wrote itself across her every feature. Her forehead relaxed, her eyes refusing to focus as they rolled into her head, her mouth hanging open as all the tiny noises that came out made him want more of her reactions. It all made him feel more powerful than any man alive, the fact he could bring her to such a state, that she begged it of him… demanded it really. 

He held out, refusing to let himself come undone just yet, instead, concentrating on the feel of his love. Guts closed his eyes, fighting off the urge to empty himself inside Casca as her depths grew hotter, her walls tighter. 

Her cries were reaching a point he recognized. On his next thrust Guts sat them up to feel the gush of hot liquid rush over his lap and let the blanket fall away. All but limp in his arms, Casca couldn't focus to orient herself, she just clung to Guts trusting him to take care of her. Unable to take his eyes off her, Guts slowed his wild place to a leisurely one while she rode out her orgasm, twitching and trembling on top of him. Admiring the flush in Casca's chest and cheeks and how her head was hanging back showing him every tiny expression while she wallowed in ecstasy, Guts leaned forward and licked a single tear that escaped her eye. 

Casca gasped, and finally found the wherewithal to focus on his face. When her eyes met his, Guts thrust roughly into her. Casca cried out and grappled for purchase on his shoulders. He resumed his original place of languid strokes and rough thrusts knowing he wouldn't last much longer now that the light of dawn was illuminating the goddess wrapped around him.

"You didn't finish?" Casca said between soft cries each time he thrust into her.

The concern in her voice was endearing and Guts kissed her pouting lips. This was how he wanted their reunion to end, intimately entangled, Casca looking into his eye.

"I-I'm close," Guts grunted. "The light… you're… you're beautiful… needed to see…need to…love…love you." 

His broken speech made Casca want to giggle, but the meaning behind them brought her out of her haze. Her heart did a flip in her chest at the implications that he wanted to finish while making love to her. Casca hooked her ankles together again and began riding him, matching the pace he set.

The feel of her gripping him again, milking his cock each time they moved in tandem was building up the tension to an explosive height. Tiny bolts of lightning shot down his spine, making his sack tighten. Guts knew he wasn't going to last much longer.

Casca watched his face twist into an almost painful expression of pleasure. Her clit rubbed roughly against his shaft as they moved together, it was enough to bring her to the edge of another orgasm. She felt him swell inside her and knew this wasn't going to last much longer. 

Guts leaned his forehead against hers, watching her reach another peak as he allowed his own to envelop him. He whispered her name and fell into the love and joy in her eyes when she focused on his. With full body jerks, he came hard, grunting as Casca cried out his name. 

His movements slowed as he continued to pump into her, unable to stop coming. The heat of his come, the pressure, the sheer amount of it, pushed Casca over the edge with him and she fell against his body, her nails biting deep into his shoulders. Guts held her close until his hips finally stilled.

Their sweat-drenched bodies began chilling in the open air. Guts shifted to get off his calves and he slipped out of Casca's depths. Both groaned and shuddered at the loss. 

"Don't let go," Casca said and hugged him tighter, not wanting to lose any more contact with him.

Guts held her with his left arm as best he could and moved them so he could lean against the footboard. He pulled the blanket over them and held Casca as their heart rates calmed and she began to relax her death hold on him. It wasn't long before he felt her tears begin to wet his chest. 

He stroked her back as she wept, letting her release the grief, hurt and joy he knew was mixed into this round of tears. His own tears of grief and relief began to fill his eyes and seep from the corners. They stayed that way holding each other and crying, letting go of more stress after their reconciliation.

Casca sat up and wiped her eyes on her arm. She looked up and reached out to swipe his tears from his cheek, but stopped when she noticed the blood on her fingers. Guts looked at her and followed her eyes, smirking as he reached his hand behind his shoulder and showed her the blood from the scratches she gave him.

“Oh not again,” she said, giving him a half smile.

“S’fine, I like my scars from you,” he said, leaning forward to kiss her.

“Fool,” Casca said against his lips.

“For you,” Guts quipped, sticking his tongue out at her.

Casca giggled and moved to lie back down at the head of the bed. Guts crawled over to lay beside her, caressing her side as he settled and laid a protective arm over her.

“Thank you,” Casca said, letting her fingers trail the tendons on the back of his hand.

“Like I said Cas, anything you need,” Guts said, his fingers gliding between her breasts to cup her cheek so he could kiss her tenderly.

As they broke apart Casca rolled to her side and Guts pulled the blankets over their bodies. He laid back down and wrapped his arm around her as she backed up against him, taking full advantage of his warmth. Guts lazily caressed her body, finding scars and tracing them while Casca drifted towards sleep.

Or, so he thought…

"I told you I wanted a wound I could say you gave me," Casca said knowing he was feeling the tiny pit scars his teeth left. 

"Wha-what?" Guts looked at her wide-eyed, shame and confusion written on his face. 

Casca stroked his hand where it froze over her right breast. "Don't worry," she said, lacing her fingers with his. "It's a brand, one from you. I like it," she offered him a smile over her shoulder, but he only frowned. "I hated that Elaine fought you. I wanted so badly to return to you, to kiss you and feel safe in your arms. I'm so sorry I couldn't be there for you."

"Cas…" Guts didn't know what to say so he just leaned in and nuzzled her as he held her tightly.

“Thank you for taking care of me, even when I wasn’t myself," she said snuggling into him.

“Even though I left you for two years?” Guts asked, shame filling his voice.

“Yes, even though you took off again. I get why you did, it was safer for me in the mountains. It was hard for you to see me like I was, and besides, how would you have managed to babysit me like that while fighting twice as hard every night? All without a party to help?” Casca didn’t want Guts beating himself up, he wasn’t responsible for everything and everyone.

“Yeah, woulda been a lot harder,” Guts admitted and rolled onto his back.

Casca rolled over and laid on his chest, propping her head up. She watched him think things through and as his frown deepened she pinched his nipple making him jump.

“Oi!” Guts yelped.

“Stop brooding,” Casca said and kissed where she had pinched.

Guts smiled and pinched her ass making her jump and he took the opportunity to capture her lips in a loving kiss. Casca moved to straddle him as he deepened the kiss. Guts massaged and kneaded her ass to soothe the sting from the pinch.

As Casca moved over him, her stomach growled loudly and they both froze. She blushed as Guts began laughing. His own rumbled and he stopped with a surprised look on his face. This time Casca started laughing and rolled off him to clutch her sides.

“I guess I should feed you then,” Guts said, sitting up and putting his pants back on.

“Yeah, we should probably get dressed and go down,” Casca sighed.

“No, you stay here, get cleaned up and I’ll be back with breakfast for you,” he insisted and kissed her forehead before he stood and strode to the chair to put his prosthetic and his shirt on.

Casca couldn’t help but smile as she watched his muscles ripple under his tanned skin. When he left, she washed and changed the blankets solid by their exertions. Putting on a clean nightgown she crawled back into bed. Casca was thankful Guts insisted on bringing her food, her insides and limbs were sore and she wanted to rest.

~~~~~~~~~

Outside the door Guts found Gekko waiting at the top of the stairs, his feet kicking happily. Guts crouched down as the boy turned to face him.

"You want to help me with something?" Guts asked. 

Gekko nodded enthusiastically. Guts chuckled and leaned in to whisper the mission details into the boy's ear. 

"I can trust you with this, right?" 

Again Gekko nodded before he slid down the bannister and ran out the door.

Downstairs, Guts got just as many surprised looks as he did awkward good mornings, a few did smile brightly, happy he and Casca reconciled. Schierke was making two plates when he entered the kitchen, a knowing smile on her face. 

After a brief good morning, Guts took both plates, two mugs of tea, and a cup of water on a tray and headed for the stairs. Gekko was waiting on the bannister, a huge smile on his face, and three roses and a sunflower in his hand. Guts gestured with a nod and the boy leapt onto his father's shoulder.

"Those are perfect, she'll love them," Guts smiled. Gekko leaned down to place them in the cup. "Nu'uh," Guts said, stretching his arms out and away from the boy. "Those are for you to give to her," he said in response to Gekko's frown and made the boy smile again.

Upstairs they pushed open the door and Casca sat up in bed. She smiled at the sight of both her guys together. Gekko leapt off his father and ran over to bed, crawling up into his mother's lap, and offering her the flowers.

"Oh, these are lovely, thank you," Casca said, kissing her son on the cheek. The boy giggled and climbed up to sit on the headboard. 

Guts came and set the tray down beside Casca kissing her forehead and offered her another sultry good morning . 

"Thank you," Casca said, tipping her face up towards his.

Guts smiled and captured her lips, giving her a lingering yet tender kiss. Gekko squeaked and hopped down to see them kiss. Casca pulled away, blushing at having an audience. Guts ruffled the boy's hair before picking the tray up once more and sitting down beside Casca. 

He set the tray across his lap and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. Casca placed her flowers into the glass of water. Leaning into Guts' side, she picked up one of the mugs and sipped the herbal tea. 

The three of them ate and laughed as Gekko told his adventure picking flowers in his goofy toddler manner. When his story was done he told another about his dreams, going silent when his parents kissed again, happy they were finally all together again.