Chapter Text
Mirage and Wattson have grown to call themselves close friends this season, being paired up together on a team twice in a row had kick-started a few fun conversations during the matches that they’d never had the opportunity much before to initiate. Bouncing jokes and engineering or science ideas off each other and making bad puns about themselves, their feats and kits; making each other laugh over the smallest and silliest words and objects. They both had similar functioning minds in a way and add an interest in inventing loosely on top of that, makes for a recipe for a great friendship, one that neither of them had really considered previously. So much so they started working on some fun projects in their spare time after games, which Mirage seemed to have a lot more of then Wattson. She’s always with Crypto or Wraith, sometimes Caustic, so the project nights were few and far between for him.
Mirage being, at least what he considers, a social butterfly managed to land another friendship this season too. Or, to put it more bluntly, grown closer to the guy he’s had a crush on since they joined the Apex games.
Mirage and Seer have always had a friendly and positive work relationship; their personalities being stark contrasts in other aspects, whilst unanimously having parts of their core beings and traits that harmonize together. Elliott feels as if he could tell Obi anything, confess any secret or seek deep advice from him and always get a genuine, caring response, free from harsh judgement. Which he doesn't fully know why or could even begin to fathom as to why, as he doesn’t even feel that secure with his own therapist who has been seeing for about the past year.
In the instances that they had conversed in the games or in the legend's community lounge, Elliott could have sworn Obi flirted back with him on the occasions he had tried, sober or not. Not to say that Elliott was inebriated often, it was rarely at his parties or another of the legend's parties at his bar, but with liquid luck on his side, those occasions seemed to make it easier for him to work up the courage to flirt with someone he felt so strongly for. Seer's response to his flirtatious comments was always followed by a grin and some sort of quick, smooth line back to Mirage.
However, knowing how Obi’s humor is be equally as coquettish as his own, and how he praises the legends he has positive connections with, Mirage always puts those comments down to Seer humoring him or just being generally polite. Everyone knows how illustrious Obi is, there are not many legends who would even try to dispute his appeal or his clout, not to mention how incredibly alluring every aspect of his mannerisms are, so Mirage has every reason to remind himself of why “there’s no way he’d be into someone like me.”
Although the first time they ever met, as soon as Obi walked through the doors to greet the other legends upon the carrier, Mirage felt his heart race in his chest just looking at Seer. And that very moment, it was almost as if Obi knew, looking up at Mirage with such a curious and intrigued expression. In that split second, Elliott felt as if all the planets in every solar system stopped rotating just for him. And since that moment, he’s felt such profound feelings of fondness for Seer that are utterly impossible to try and put into tangible actions or even remotely comprehensible words. Mirage has had a lot of crushes in life, being a hopeless romantic that falls for countless people often has been a great recipe for heart break for him. But rarely has he ever been in love and what's more, rarely deeply in love with another. Maybe only actually falling in love with another no more than two or three times, all of which had been women until now. So, in his eyes, the burning, passionate feeling in his chest is very alien, one that he has no hope of pinpointing emotionally, even after months of feeling this way about Seer.
Mirage sits on the edge of his bed, tired from the previous late night before where Wattson showed him some interesting electronic devices she was working on and him helping her fine tune them. His room is dimly light from the crack of artificial light peeking in through his curtains. His eyes wonder over the hundreds of photos taken of him with fans, friends or in the games, the letters, the artwork that people had made for him, mostly in his image, that plaster most of the room on his black walls. He smiles faintly to himself as his eyes scan over them, before his phone catches his attention, which he must have dropped on the floor at some point. He elects to ignore it, his head buzzing from the amount of stimulation he’d had from the day, his mind unable to focus long enough to care about any phone call or text he was receiving at this time of the night. He yawns with a soft groan, stretching his legs out and letting his socks glide against the wooden floor and the large, plush yellow rug in the middle of said wooden floor, seeking any sort of momentary distraction.
The reasons he cannot sleep or rest his mind for reasons all too familiar to him. No matter how tired his was, his mind would fall into a trance-like state, imagining all these fantasy scenarios in his head of romantic situations with Seer that were completely unrealistic to imagine. And he is almost embarrassed anytime one of them decide to invasively pop its way into his head, making him feel like some sort of goofy, desperate teenager crushing over someone. But then again, he supposes he never exactly grew out of that phase, much to his dismay at being a thirty-something year old man. Maybe he has just watched too many romcoms growing up but... the thought of not watching them makes him twist his lips to the side and think “Nahhh. Nope. No way. They’re too good”. They'll stay a guilty pleasure.
But the more his mind pushes him to think about this man as he sits, the harder it is to argue with himself that thinking of him romantically was ridiculous. Mirage's heart is utterly fixated on the way he makes him feel inside, that soft, warm but burning feeling inside his chest when he thinks of him like swallowing a shot of whiskey out in a snowstorm. The way he speaks to Elliott, how he moves, how he smiles at him so genuinely. He's wide awake now, his mind spiraling down a hole of re-envisioning the brief moments they had exchanged, like how he'd affectionately rest his head on Elliott's shoulder whilst laughing at his jokes, or when he'd hold him in his arms to revive him in the ring. How soft and gentle his touch was, as if Mirage was made of porcelain. But, then again, thinking of all these things makes him feel frustrated because he can't have them romantically. The warm feeling in his chest turning into a low sinking as he reminds himself how long it's been since he's even had a romantic embrace, let alone a kiss from another.
He blinks as he is pulled from his thoughts, looking down to the source of the disturbance. His phone. Yet again. Begrudgingly, Elliott checks his phone, his eyes half awake, scrolling through for a moment before noticing the several unread messages pop up from Wattson.
Electra-cutie: Hey, you're still awake, Witt?
BamboozleFoozle: Oh heya, yeah can't sleep well. :/
Electra-cutie: Is everything ok? You said you were going to bed early tonight to René and I? You didn’t exactly seem yourself today either.. :(
BamboozleFoozle: Oh me??? Yeah I’m great! Just y'know enjoying the nights sky and thinking about the next game!!!
A few minutes go by, the message was seen, but with no reply. Mirage exhales deeply, looking up to the ceiling and closing his eyes, his mind once again preoccupied by the thoughts whizzing around his head once more, although they now leave a sour taste in his mouth as he can't help but feel lonelier the longer he thinks. Like a race he couldn’t stop running in, even though he desperately wants to stop, he can't.
‘This will pass, doesn’t matter how badly you like..or uh I guess love him. Crushes on co-workers never work out, ever. You know this! It will pass, they always do! This one will pass though...right, me? Right...??’ He thinks to himself, eyebrows furrowing in thought as he begins to feel more perturbed with his own conscience. But his brain almost seems to argue back instinctively, thinking of the contact of their fingers when exchanging gun parts or the way his delicate, long fingers worked around the ammo clips--
As if he was suddenly slapped across the face, he hears three sharp quiet knocks were heard at his door, making his jump out of his skin. Mirage thinks of himself somewhat of a romantic and for a brief moment, a flash of Obi sweeping him off his feet at the door and kissing him against the wall clouds his vision, before a fourth, fifth and six slightly louder knock followed.
'This is so dumb, stop thinking about him like this already and answer the door.' He thinks.
He hurries to unlock the door, opening it with the button, looking up to see Wattson in her nessie onesie looking past Mirage.
"Wattson? Uh, what are you doing here..? I mean not that I'm not happy to see you, it's just that it's... almost four a.m, I thought you fell asleep reading my message back or something?"
Wattson let herself in, walking past Mirage and straight into his room, her eyes fixating on the decorations cluttering the shelves and walls.
"Non, this is a friendly rain check. Your message was fishy. Way too fishy." The blonde said, scrunching her face at him with a cast of suspicion in her eyes.
Mirage furrows his brows once more, wondering if he was really that transparent in a single message.
"What? M-Me? 'Fishy?' What was so fishy about my message? Am I not allowed to enjoy the nights sky?"
"Yes. Of course. But there is one problem, your room doesn't have a window, Witt."
"..Oh."
"And you never plan ahead for the games, you only go with the moment and the moment alone."
Mirage looks away, thinking ‘shit’ to himself instantly.
"Right..uh well okay y-yeah, yeah, you got me there. I might be one of the only legends without a window in his room..and i uh.. don't usually plan for uh pretty much anything.. and well I mean except for my dinners because man, I mean, good food is great and--” He pauses as he catches himself losing his original train of thought.
“Okay, yeah, you're good." He sighs, pulling a defeated expression, leaning his back against the door. "Why are you here then, detective Nessie? To tell me that I told a lie? Because I mean that’s not anything unusual, wait- I mean I’m not a liar. Well, okay, I do lie sometimes but that’s not the point." He continues.
His tone is amused, but his mind is taking the wheel because he started to get nervous suddenly, and it was not doing him any favors feeling anxious. Wattson inspects him for a moment and starts walking around him in a slow circle as she begins to reply.
"I have come to help you. I know something is wrong, I can just feel it. The charge in the air you carry is...static? I can't explain it." She gestures around Mirage, outlining his frame in it.
“You seem as if you’re just..always..how- how do I put this? Occupied? In your own mind at least.”
Mirage shifts, looking away to the wall, his eyes averting contact with Wattson's.
"Well, I mean uh, I guess I've been a little, what's the word? Discombobl-disco-dis-- all over the place recently? Yeah, my minds been all over the place. But I mean so what? It always is, isn't it? Y'know me I'm uh always clumsy and forgetting things, heh."
Mirage shrugs casually, trying to play it off. He isn't ready to talk about these feelings to himself, let alone someone else, especially with the fact he just came to the conclusion it is in fact more than a crush recently. Romantic feelings are something he isn’t the best at acting upon...or hiding apparently. Although he appreciates her concern, inside begins an internal panic of "oh god what if she's figured everything out" and his mind is trying its best to instinctually think of a web of excuses and lies to avoid confrontation about his own feelings.
"Yes, but this is different. Much different! Renee and I are used to your shenanigans and how you function, I don't care if you quietly break into our room at night to steal our Cheezits, or when you forget something here and there, what I do care about is what's it's affecting you. You're my friend, the legends are my family." Wattson crosses her arms, a stern look of concern growing across her face as she looks to Mirage’s shoulders.
“Sometimes I worry that you are...um, losing your grip on the things around you more than you realize.” She adds.
The trickster could feel his palms begin to clam up, this wasn't a conversation he was ready for. He hasn’t even thought about how to explain these feelings to himself, let alone a friend who probably couldn’t truly care less about a crush he has if he told her about it. He only came out with the fact that he doesn't just exclusively like women and talking about his feelings is too awkward with someone new in his life emotionally. Especially to someone who wasn't his therapist, which he still has trouble admitting things too. He is an expert and keeping things inside, even if it feels like it is killing him inside, he's built up walls he's not ready to break down.
Especially after he promised himself to not date anyone of the legends, because no one has even taken interest back, so why would they ever? Not to mention it could make things really awkward in the games or in interviews, and the public are incredibly nosey. He knows how much people in the public and reporters pester Loba and Valkyrie for private information on their relationship. Besides, the one girl Mirage fell for among the legends turned out to be a lesbian and the other guy he fell for has a boyfriend, so clearly, he knows how to pick them. But he got over them eventually. Besides it just makes their friendship weird after if he ever does confess, which he already had trouble maintaining platonic ones and his crushes always end up with someone else, way happier than he could have made them, or so he tells himself. He's always alone, it’s just the way it is, and he wishes he wasn't, but he's learnt to deal with it and keep it inside, it's better to just put on a happy face then burden everyone with his insecurities.
"I, uh, me? I mean wait, I didn't know you knew about me stealing your food? B-b-but that's not the point, the point is I'm fine! I'm just a little tired, that's all, Watts."
She narrows her eyes at him further, before exhaling loudly and looking down at floor. It appears she is taking a great deal of effort into thinking upon her words before speaking again.
"Elliott.." She finally begins, making eye contact with him, which almost jars him as he rarely sees her maintain it, he knows it makes her uncomfortable.
"I know it’s hard to stay positive sometimes. Especially when you...have a barrier no one can see the other side of. I'm always positive too, but there's a limit with how fake you can get before your mask starts to crack, trust me."
There's a long pause between them, Mirage's mind goes blank. Does she genuinely care about his feelings so soon into their friendship? Friends usually don't tend to acknowledge them all that much, at least in his experience it's very rare for them to without getting frustrated at him.
Mirage opens his mouth to speak, his lips parting but Wattson hushes him. He looks down at his lips with an expression of sheepish nature.
"You don't need to say anything back. I'm sorry, I know you don't like confrontation, I apologise for pulling you out of your comfort zone. I am just trying to say I am here if you need to um..talk about things. I'm no good at it but losing memories and thoughts is horrible and you shouldn't struggle alone, okay?"
Memory loss?
Oh. She thinks that's what's been affecting him recently. Which is, yes, somewhat true, he's struggled with it since he lost his brothers as a child, but that's not the glaring problem that's been stabbing his heart for months. Falling for someone who's so out of your league, someone that everyone wants is crushing. Any sort of formalities with Seer is just Obi being polite and humoring him.
Wattson glances at the taken back expression from Mirage and doesn't know how to react. She decides it would be best to leave and give him some space. As she turns to open his door, she heard his voice crack as he exclaims.
"W-Wait! Please, Natalie, wait. I-I really need to ask you something. Please?"
She turns around back to face him, her expression lifts ever so slightly in curiosity and it gives him a nod of affirmation for him to continue.
"Okay, okay, here it goes. Uh, so, how did you and um Wraith get together?"
She blinks at him for a second in thought as she processes the question and smiles warmly.
"Ooh, well that's quite the personal and unexpected topic, but I’m happy to summarize! We were training together at the shooting range on the targets, and she was helping my form with snipers. She put her hand on mine to move it, and I suppose.. the last spark was lit! We'd liked each other for a very, very long time, and looking into her eyes with her soft touch just sort of um lead to a kiss! And an emotional night of romantic confessions."
Mirage gives a slightly disappointed sigh to the answer, itching the back of this neck in response as he thinks.
"Oh, I mean, that's super sweet!" He starts, looking at his socks. "But there were no like, one liners or suave sayings or uh, oh-oh-oh! What about roses or sexy music?"
Natalie gives a short snort of air from her nose in amusement, waving her hand dismissively.
"Non, none of that I’m afraid! This isn't a romance movie, Witt, this is real life! Relationships take time to grow, respect is the most important thing. I think if you like someone, everything should fall into place and eventually a moment will take you."
Elliott looks out the corner of his eyes to one of the corners of the room as she speaks, repeating very quietly the words she said back to himself.
<" Right...Got it, okay..uh, thanks Nat-"
"Do you have a crush on someone?"
That question was so sudden it felt like a punch to the stomach. Felt like one too.
"Do...what...??"
"I said, do you have a crush on someone? You seem to never ask about certain topics unless you're looking for advice. Especially romance. You never ask serious questions about romance."
She leans closer to him, a devilish glint appearing in her eyes.
"M-M-Me?? Have a crush?? On a legend??"
"So it's one of us? My, my!"
Shit.
Shit. Shit. Shit. Elliott's mouth is so much bigger than his brain, this is code red.
"W-wait n-no, no, no, no I never said that! That's crazy, nah, no, nope, no way! Nooooo no no no! Nada! Errrrrup!” He waved his arms from side to side in a desperate, ‘no’ motion.
“A-and besides this isn't some high school drama or a romance movie like you just said! We are adults, Nat!”
Wattson leans against the door of the room and has switched places with Elliott as he began to take a step back, Natalie smiling gleefully and giggling. Mirage backs over closer to his bed, a genuine response of anxiety setting in.
"Nuh uh, this is wonderful! You finally have a crush, that's a good thing, y'know!! A lot of the legends are getting together, who knows, maybe you'll be the first legends to make it public?! Haha, yay! Oh- will you tell Nessie?? They're such a great keeper of secrets! Is it Gibraltar? Or Lifeline? Or Seer? Or Octane? Or mayyybe Pathfinder??"
Mirage makes a frustrated sigh; his head is getting overstimulated with emotions at that point. He pushes the door opening button and Natalie stumbles backwards out the door, with a surprised "Oh!!" into the hallway.
"Hey whoa! Look at the time! I think you should get back to your lovely lady and I'll see you tomorrow! Goodnight!"
And he closes the door, his patience thin and his emotions high.
He knew Wattson wasn't trying to be nosey or intrusive, but the bluntness and the teasing so suddenly was something he wasn't in the mood for that day. His chest felt tight, and his eyes felt dry, yet like he was going to cry at the same time.
“C-Calm down, El, calm down, it’s okay. She doesn’t know. She’s just trying to help a friend out, she wasn’t trying to make you panic.” He reassures himself in a hushed, agitated tone. "She was being nice and showing she cared...and I panicked and literally pushed her away. Good job, El. Good job."
He slumps on the floor in front of his door and tucks his head in-between his legs gently. Tightly pressing his hands to his head and squeezes his eyes shut, he tries his best to dissuade and comfort himself from having some sort of panic attack. He wasn’t even exactly sure why he suddenly felt as if his identity was crumbling underneath him, Wattson was polite and kind. And he loves it when people joke around with him or tease him playfully usually. Were her few lines of teasing really enough to send him over the edge? Had he been bottling everything up that much to the point of one tiny jab at his feelings was enough to tip all water out of the bottle?
‘Okay, okay, okay, okay. Just think of what your therapist said about the panic attacks. Why am I feeling like this? What’s the cause?’ He thinks to himself.'
“Wattson confronted my feelings without knowing it, and now I’m panicking...b-because..because..” He breathes.
“Because...” His breaths start to hitch as his mind is instantly putting together the pieces, the solution to his disconcerted understanding of the situation at hand.
This isn't a small crush. It hasn't gone away. He's felt this before. This is being in love with someone.
But, for whatever reason, this isn’t the same sort of love he’d felt for his past girlfriends and other partner he’d been with previously, this kind of love felt as if it was physically wounding him to keep inside and would not be able to express outwardly to Obi. He isn’t lusting after him, he actually loved him in all senses of the word he could comprehend. His past lovers he did love, sure, but he never felt like they truly understood him, or at least maybe the love was just never quite returned the way he was hoping it would be. And until he started conversing with Seer, he thought no one was as passionate as him about certain interests and expressing himself so openly. Even the people who supposedly loved him before and he loved back, would be hushed on their feelings, only ever caring to convey their love when it was appropriate in the moment alone occasionally or in front of others. His past loves were usually always ecstatic to receive gifts, money and affection, but never showed that much back or thought to buy him anything in return, not that he expected anything in return. But once in a while it would have made him feel more cherished and appreciated. And what's odd to him is how one or two of those people always seemed to be needing money, as if it was some sort of unwritten societal rule that once you fall in love with someone, you’re obligated to give them money whenever they ask or something-
“Oh.”
Oh. Maybe some of those people..didn’t even love him back, truly?
“No, that’s dumb! T-t-that’s so dumb..there’s no way.. you’re just..just.. remembering wrong or something..? People love me! I loved them a-and--” His hushed words spoken to himself trail off into a soundless mess of nothing at all after a second.
This is something he couldn’t keep inside anymore, thinking about love is too harrowing and too convoluted for him to navigate without guidance, his thoughts are controlling him again more than he can control them. All his life has consisted of dates and flings and so falling in love was seldom ever experienced by him. Elliott picks up the phone, his vision blurry from his own glassy eyes, dialing a familiar number, each key on the pad buzzing under his shaky touch.
“This is doctor B. Levidius, I’m sorry I’m unavailable at the moment, my working hours are 8am – 5pm, please leave a message for me and I’ll get back to you as soon as possible.”
‘Right. It’s currently past three in the morning- something in the morning, of course he’s not going to pick up right now.’
A loud beep noise bluntly rings out, bouncing in his ears for a moment, making him flinch and realizing he’ll have to speak up to the tone.
“H-Hey! It’s you’re most favorite and most handsome client, Elliott here! Listen, I’m really struggling with an issue I didn’t even realize I truly had b-before, and u-uh I need to make a app-apoin-pointy- session thingy with you as soon as possible, o-okay? Cool, uh, speak to you soon I guess.”
He hangs up the phone with an unsteady exhale, setting down his phone on his floor once more.
The overwhelming rush of emotions seemingly start to subdue, feeling his breath become steadier and the noises of his own movement quietening down.
There was ‘no need for an emotional breakdown over this’, he keeps telling himself, trying to ground himself once more. Why was that situation, an innocuous, brief, confrontation of his crush on Seer with Wattson, so horrible for him so quickly?
Are his panic attacks getting more frequent again? He hasn’t had one in so long, at least a few months, maybe he forgot what the experience consisted of in all this time? Or perhaps, now that his thoughts recall it, it is that “meltdown” thing that his therapist has described that are common for him and others with his disabilities. Previously before starting therapy, he wasn’t even aware that they had a label, or that they weren’t a universal experience.
After a few minutes of thinking to himself on easier subjects, he feels confident enough to once again stand on his own two feet, he rises from his hunched position on the floor, wiping his watery eyes and sighing in relief.
“Good job, handsome.” He says to himself quietly, a small, assured smile to himself coming across his face, feeling somewhat sanguine about the situation he went through, and proud of himself for composing himself. Not that in any sense of the word he feels 'good' gain, but he feels able to once again function somewhat.
Mirage's mind starts to wonder on food, feeling the low rumble in his stomach and taking this as an opportunity to cheer himself up, one of the most effective ways he knew how. Food. Opening the door to his room and stepping out into the hallway, he makes his way down the stairs and into the communal kitchen of the legends.
When they don’t feel like going back to their home planets, or had free time, often the legends will stay in the shared accommodation that was provided for them for free. The complex is large and quite high, having about six floors in all, each with a unique purpose but all floors being extravagant and overly adorned. Colours consisting of red and white, with marbled pillars in the corners of some floors, with windows overlooking the views around them, lush greenery and easy access to space crafts and training grounds. The ground floor consisting of a lavish reception area and an area for them to collect their mail. A large, marble statue of the apex games symbol in the front and center of the room, with a long red carpet underneath it that leads to the elevator and stairs ascending up.
The first floor mostly consists of an indoor gym, swimming pool and weightlifting area, this floor being a favourite among some of the legends, whereas others have only scarcely ever been sighted there.
The second and third floors all consist of toilets, storage areas, two lounges and a large kitchen. Not many of the legends cook, or bother too, and Mirage seems to be one of the most frequent users of the kitchen, being someone who authentically loves cooking as much as mixology. The only other legends he catches cooking or actively trying to make somewhat healthy or tasty meals were Gibraltar, Lifeline, Horizon, Fuse and Seer, or at least those are the legends who infrequently set off the fire alarms when using the stoves. Fuse is on thin ice, he mostly just grills various meats or uses the outside barbecue that he insisted on purchasing, but all of his food is a passing grade- edible and sanitary...unlike Octane’s. Who thinks throwing a can of monster into a jug along with five packets of ludicrously sour sweets and candy into the liquid is “morning breakfast battery acid, amigo.”
Lastly, the fourth, fifth and sixth rooms are all private bedrooms for the legends, who have respectably made their spaces unique and unlike any other room in the house with their own flourishes and personal trinkets. They all have soundproofed walls for their privacy and desecration, which for various reasons that come to mind, Elliott is most thankful for. Well, they all had personalized their own spaces except Revenant, who has never set foot in his room, preferring to always go back to whatever cave he lives in (or who knows where truly) to be completely reclusive. It is certainly a lot more relaxed without him around, far less hostile and it has actually created a relaxed, social atmosphere amongst the legends, almost feeling like a huge, dysfunctional family to most who stay there.
Arriving in the kitchen, he set himself the task of finding the ingredients to make his decided food to comfort him, pancakes. Which he insists to anyone who will listen that they taste even better at night, just like cereal. After accumulating the ingredients, his fingers hover over the button to turn on the heat of the stove top before he is instantaneously hit by a jarring and abrupt thought.
“You’re all alone again.”
What? Of course he was, the other legends who are staying here are all either asleep or awake in their spaces doing their own projects in the early hours of the morning. So why would his mind so suddenly give him such an intrusive thought?
Setting down the flour mixture in the bowl, he felt his heart begin to race again.
"Oh God, no, not again."
Elliott leans against the stove, his shaking fingers pressing against the cool glass of the top of it, feeling his fingers begin to lock up.
He can’t seem to calm down for more than a few minutes without the feeling inside of him bursting at the seams, needing to escape. His breathing becomes rapid again, squeezing his eyes shut as he comprehends the intensity of his emotions once more. Pressing his head to the surface of the cold stove, he winces in pain between his teeth as his head starts to pound, feeling as if it's being struck with a hammer and spun around at the same time, whilst his heartbeat speeds up until it feels ready to explode of his chest. He has medication to help with this...but it was back in his room.
This feeling is worse than before, the intensity of the trepidation and adrenaline that is now coursing through his body is extremely overwhelming, his body struggling to keep up with the demands of his brain. Why is mind spiraling into a hysteria over being alone? He's usually alone but trying to reason with his senses right now feels like betting against the devil himself, a fruitless and foolish endeavor.
His knees begin to give out and he slowly sinks to the icy cold of the tiled kitchen floor, his breaths rapid and vulnerable, unable to even think at this point, just at the mercy of his own emotions. He hicks and gasps as his eyes start to stream with tears, burying his face into his hands as it’s the only form of action he can take to comfort himself.
After a minute of panicking, the feeling inside of him not subsiding only worsening, he hears something in the distance, but can’t bring himself to even focus enough to acknowledge the source. Within seconds of hearing the sound, it happens again. And again. But every noise, every movement makes Elliott feel complete consternation.
The source of the noise is someone calling out, but it doesn’t even sound distinguishable to Mirage, especially being so far away.
A second later, the person who is calling out stands in the door frame of the kitchen. Their eyes trailing down the muffled and choked sobs that came from the person before them; Elliott, who is on his knees with his face buried into his hands. Without so much as a moment's hesitation, the person kneels beside Mirage and pulls him into a warm embrace.
Mirage's breath stopped for a second, his breath hitching violently between his sobs and unable to comprehend the sudden benevolent gesture that he's finding himself wrapped in, letting out a small, involuntary whimper in response to the sudden affection, his lip quivering. Unknowing of the person who is comforting him, he buries his face into their shoulder, crying there for what seems like hours to him. Whoever is hugging him, doesn't flinch or shift the whole time, just calmly sits with Mirage and comforts him with soft spoken words. Before long, it finally feels like the colour in the room is coming back, and he can hear noises other than a loud ringing. He manages to calm his breathing, steadying with long inhales and exhales. He wipes his eyes, flush coming back to his cheeks, mostly in an abashed and embarrassed sense as someone has seen him in such a sensitive moment, always priding himself on being the most positive person in the room, that probably wasn’t something they were expecting to see.
“Elliott, my friend, emena, you’ve done so well. Do not strain yourself to move to quickly, okay? Focus on that wonderful deep breathing.”
Wait.
No.
He knows that voice.
His whole body freezes up, paralyzed in a distress. He can’t even begin to understand this particular rush of emotions.
Mirage knows that voice much too well. That’s the voice that could melt frozen butter in a short sentence. This can’t be happening.
“Biko, do not worry, I am not here to pass any judgement upon you, I am here to offer my support to you. Is your heart alright?” Seer's tone sounds so considerate of his words, speaking more clearly and calmly than usual.
Mirage swallows his pride, nodding his head slowly as he embraces the moment, finally letting his body relax and realize that this hug is something he’s yearned for.
“Oh, mine? It’s uhh..” He sniffles and clears his throat as the words come out broken and croaky.
“My hearts doing okay, it’s a little faster than usual with such a elegant, handsome man holding me, b-but other than that, i-it’s good.” Mirage smiles, his usual relaxed tone coming back, the jokes and flirtatious comments coming back with it too.
Obi smiles back to himself, relieved, upon hearing Mirage not only speak, but crack a half joke, half compliment towards him, feeling himself sigh in relief as his arms circle around Elliott's back soothingly.
“Why thank you. Even in your most sensitive moments, your beauty still shines through. You wear your heart on your sleeve and that is no weakness,” Obi reassures, his head leaning into the side of Mirage's.
“M-m-me? Heh, a-are you calling me pretty? But, I..well..to be honest, I still need to keep working on that. I still hold things in to my b-breaking p-p-point sometimes and.. as you can see..it doesn’t go all that well for me sometimes.”
“You are human, Elliott. We all struggle with our internal battles and mistakes, that much I cannot deny. But I can see you are actively trying to change and that is the heart of the matter, what really counts.”
Mirage pauses, his head resting against Seer’s gently.
“You think so? I mean, I am trying, really hard actually! But emotions are..difficult for me to uh y-y’know, wrap my head around sometimes.”
Seer nods, acknowledging all of the other man's words before he speaks.
“Yes, absolutely, Elliott. Emotions are difficult, any battle, internal or external is valid. And it is equally as valid to struggle in those battles.”
Every word that left Obi’s mouth sounded like a wise melody to Mirage's ears, which continued to ring less and less as the seconds pass. A small silence was exchanged between them, still holding one another gently, heads resting on each other's shoulders.
“Hey, uh, Obz?”
Seer warmly feels the corners of his mouth lift at the nickname Mirage calls him.
“Yes, Elliott?”
“How..how did you know I was..y’know..? Having a meltdown or uh whatever kinda panic attack thingy?”
Seer blinks twice at the words “meltdown”, realizing Mirage shares something else in common with him, making a mental note to remember.
“Ah, your heartbeats. They were so loud and aggressive, I picked them up immediately. I thought someone could have been having a heart attack, so I came at once to offer my assistance. I am just glad you are..physically better than I was expecting.”
“Heh, you were gonna say something like “I'm glad you were okay” but then you realized I was not uhh.. in any sense of t-the word “okay”, huh?” Mirage says with an amused grin appearing on his face.
“..You caught me there, Mr. Witt.”
Obi chuckles, pushing one of his blonde locs behind his ear.
The older man felt his heart skip a beat, hopefully metaphorically so Seer wouldn’t detect it. Seers laugh, chuckles, anything in between, always leave Mirage in a star struck awe. Anytime he could successfully amuse the younger man, he felt as if he was the single greatest audience he’d ever had. As if every joke he’s ever made up until that point was to practice solely for this one man.
“In all seriousness, Elliott, I am very glad you were only experiencing palpitations. These games would not be the same without you... I hope you know that. You are a flame that cannot be extinguished.”
Elliott feels as if he is going to self-destruct from positive affirmation. The embrace, the reassuring, the compliments, they almost feel too much to handle at once. And in a way it is. It was one of the most overwhelming feelings he’s ever experienced in his entire life, but simultaneously, one of the most calming and fulfilling moments he’s ever been in. He hasn’t felt this free since he was a child, probably not receiving another hug that accepting since the last time he hugged his mother, the only other person in the world that makes him feel truly loved and appreciated.
“T-Thank you, Obi. I’m o-okay now, I think. I’m really grateful you decided to help.”
Mirage finally finds the strength within himself to pull away from the hug, leaning back to see Obi’s striking blue eyes glowing in the dimly lit kitchen. He could finally hear the soft patter of rain outside, a noise he hadn’t even noticed in his last hour or so, his head was too foggy to even register any background noise. His eyes remained on Seers for a second, before they trailed down to his lips. He’s rarely had the opportunity to study Seer’s features so closely before. His lips look supple and were beautifully accented by the golden snake bite piercings Obi always adorned. In those few moments of staring at Obi, he could swear Obi is studying him back, his eyes gently flickering between each of Mirage's features.
“I-I-I’m sorry, I probably look like..like..a wreck, huh? Or maybe you’d never be able to tell I was crying and hypervana-hypee-hypo- hyper- hyperventilating, that’s the word or y’know some other--”
“Beautiful.”
“..I, wha-..E-E-Eh-Excuse me..?”
Without a moment to process what Seer has said, Seer repeated himself.
“Beautiful. You.. resemble an exquisite painting...raw and elegant. As if someone perfectly captured the exquisite flair humanity.”
Was...Obi trying to make Elliott fall deeper in love with him? Because it’s fucking working. Somehow that sentence alone has made Elliott feel stronger now for Obi than he ever has before, even if Elliott doesn't really get what Obi means by it, he can just feel what it means. He can also feel his face turning a colour brighter than usual, his mouth agape as he is at a loss for words. Mirage isn’t even sure if he'll ever fully comprehend the meaning behind Seer’s words, but at that point he didn’t even care if it's some nonsensical artsy bullshit, or if it was the most poetic words to leave another human's mouth, he loves every word of it.
“What? Wow, um, wow, heh. Again...Me? Beautiful? I mean..I-I-I- can’t disagree but, I..I’ve been crying and..I don’t think anyone’s pretty when they cry, even me.” Mirage's words are bashful, he struggles not to say anything beyond the realm of what’s considered acceptably platonic.
“Ah, my apologies, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, my friend. I just could not help myself, I had to put my thoughts into words. And for the record..you are a more graceful crier than Silva. That much I can assure you.”
“Wait, you’ve seen Octane cry?”
“Once. Only once.”
“Wow, huh. Figured that guy didn’t even know how to, even if all his limbs got blown off.”
Obi smiles, a small, amused exhale of air escaping his nostrils. There it is again, that smile.
“Hah, I would not go that far. Everyone has their limits..except maybe Revenant. I do not think he has any limits and, well, that’s because he has no humanity left.”
Mirage grins back to Obi with his joke, although it was true. Whatever was left of his humanity exists in the form of a severed head, God knows where.
“Do you think Rev has absolutely no limits? Even like, eating people? Or, oh! Like what about in the bedroom??” Mirage says, nudging Seer’s side enthusiastically.
“Eating people? I do not know if he can eat..but that does not mean I care to know. As for “in the bedroom?” Obi sneers playfully, looking away to the corner of the kitchen and readjusting himself on the floor to sit cross legged.
“I did not know that your mind wonders to places like that, Mr. Witt. Should I be alerting your mother of this information? What her son thinks about when he’s alone in his bedroom? Sultry, murderous robots with no limits?” Seer's expression turned to a playful grin, which is met back by Elliott with an astonished expression, his mouth agape.
“Obi!” Mirage puts his hand over his heart, mimicking a false reaction of shock.
“How could you!? I thought I could confide in you with my secret robot love confessions! Rev is the only one for me, me heart is set! Not even my mother can break the bonds of love!” He puts his hand on his forehead, pretending to swoon.
Seer giggles at the charade, before that giggle turned into joyous laughter, his amusement lighting up the room. Literally. The lights in the kitchen were noise activated and they once again turned on. They had been off the whole long time they’d been on the floor as neither of them moved much before.
In Mirage's eyes, that moment made Seer look like some sort of angel sent from the heavens, his eyes fixated on the scene before him and Obi’s genuine joy.
“If only he could hear you now, maybe there is a reason he avoids us so intensely, other than being a deep, brooding weirdo. Huh...kinda like Crypto. Maybe they are the perfect match for each other..??” Mirage continues.
“I don’t think my mind can take many more thoughts of Revenant in such a way, Elliott. I’ll leave those thoughts to you for tonight to keep you company.”
“Woooow, I can’t believe I’m being insulted right now. Not after such a bad day for me. That’s a new low, Obz.”
“I can go much lower. I am fantastic at limbo.”
“Really!? Okay, we have to do that at the next party, no take backs!”
“Deal.”
Mirage scans Obi’s features once more, his strikingly bright blue eyes feel like they’ve got mind controlling powers of some sort, beckoning Elliott.
“Are you feeling calmer? If you ever need consoling or any sort of affection, my door is always open to you, Elliott.”
“Oh! R-Right, yeah. Yeah, I am. Thank you. Like I said, I’m really glad you were here. This..uh, this was really nice..well the talking part at least and um like y’know hanging out.”
Obi pauses and smiles once more, but this time with a gentler and kinder look.
“Who says we have to stop? We can watch a movie, if you’d like, it’s rather late but--”
“I would love to!!” Mirage holds his breath as he realises he rather excitedly interrupted Obi on accident. But Obi didn’t seem annoyed in the least, in fact, his expression grew brighter.
“I would as well. Come.” He extends a hand to Mirage, who allows Obi to help him stand. The feeling of his hand in his own, even for such a split second in time, washed such a feeling of comfortability and secureness over Mirage all over again.
They sit upon the sofa together in front of the holoTV, Seer handing the remote to the other man.
“Pick anything you’d like, Elliott. The night is all yours.”