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When he first met his mom, she was extremely excited to meet him. She called him Kojo which other people had called him before, but this was the first time he really liked hearing the name. She gave him plenty of food and water. Lots of treats and new toys to play with. And a comfortable bed to sleep on.
She didn’t get upset with him when he ran into her friend’s room and jumped on his bed. Her friend wasn’t as happy to see him. Even when he greeted the man with a friendly bark. However, the man had a lot of nice toys in his room to play with. He would explore those later.
He was not happy when Mom left him alone that first day. But he decided to explore his new home and play with all the fun toys Mom and her friend had left out. He also thought his new home could use some redecorating. So he tore holes in the sofa and spread the soft material inside all over the floor. When Mom came home, she did not seem pleased with his efforts.
She also brought with her someone new. Someone who he would later call Dad. Dad seemed like a far less happy human than Mom. When Dad ordered him to sit, he immediately obeyed. He knew Dad was the type of person who expected his orders to be followed.
After that Mom put him back in his crate, and he didn’t see her for a long time. Her friend came home first and was nicer to him. But then he got upset after seeing his room. Apparently, he didn’t like sharing his toys.
When Mom came home again, Dad was with her. She was tired and sad when she hugged Kojo. She told him she had to send him back. This wasn’t the first time he would have to go back to where he came from. It wasn’t a terrible place. The people were nice there and they tried to help him. But there were so many other dogs who also needed their help. Now more than ever, he didn’t want to leave. He really liked Mom and knew he would miss her. He whined while Mom held him and cried.
Finally, Dad spoke. “He can stay with me.”
“Really?” Mom asked.
Dad nodded. “Yeah, I’ve been wanting a dog for a while now. I think with some proper training Kojo would make the perfect pet.”
Mom was so thrilled that he wouldn’t have to go back to the shelter that she hugged Dad who was surprised, but awkwardly returned the hug before stepping away.
Together they packed up all of Kojo’s new toys and bed in Dad’s truck. Mom hugged, pet, kissed, and promised him that she’d stop by his new home to play with him whenever she could. She swore to remain in his life, and he believed her. Because Dad promised she was welcomed to visit him whenever she wanted.
He enjoyed living with Dad in his new home. There was more room to run around, including a backyard. Sometimes Dad would make him a special breakfast. He always took him for a walk or a run. Mom would join them for hikes. If Kojo played it just right, he could delay the walks long enough by refusing to move. Then Dad would offer him a steak. He likes steaks.
Not long after he went to live with Dad, he met a new human. She was nice and pet him often. She smelled faintly of Mom so he figured he could trust her. But then she went away and never returned. Dad was sad for a little while, but then he was happy again. Kojo didn’t mind the other human, but he was glad when it was just him and Dad again. And, of course, Mom.
One night Mom came over to spend the night. She was very sad so Dad held her. But then he went to his room while Mom slept on the couch. Kojo watched as Mom almost followed Dad to his room, but he returned so she quickly sat down on the couch again. They spoke briefly and left in a hurry. When they returned, they were both really tired and went back to their separate beds. Kojo chose to sleep on his bed in the living room to be near Mom since she still seemed really sad.
After that night, she came over a lot more often. She always brought him treats and toys. Dad said she was spoiling him, but he wasn’t really upset with her. They both were happy to have Mom around. On those nights Mom would cuddle with him more than usual. Sometimes she cried so Kojo snuggled as close to her as possible so she would feel better. One night she cried so much, nothing he did could help so he whined. All he wanted to do was help her feel better, but he didn’t know how. Thankfully, Dad knew what to do. He held her in his arms and whispered words that seemed to comfort her. Eventually she stopped crying, but Dad didn’t let her go. They stayed like that all night while Kojo slept on the couch beside them.
The next morning they were more careful around each other. Mom would still visit on occasion, but she didn’t stop by as often. Kojo missed her.
Then one day Dad brought someone new home. She didn’t smell anything like Mom. She smelled like the ocean. Dad hates the ocean.
So Kojo growled at her. He thought of her as ‘Not Mom.’
She didn’t seem to like him after that, but the feeling was mutual. He hoped she wouldn’t return.
But a couple of days later Dad brought her back. He let her touch Kojo’s box of treats. She ordered him to sit, but he wasn’t having it. He looked at Dad to see what he thought. She ordered him to sit again, and this time he followed the order. But only to please Dad. He took the treat she gave him, and that’s when the idea came to him. He would let her think he liked her. He’d lick her face and lull her into a false sense of security.
And then he’d find a way to get rid of her.
The war was on!
***
He started simple. A tried and true method to annoy any human.
He peed in her shoes.
Timed it just right so the pee was still warm she unknowingly stepped into the shoe. She yelled and complained. Dad punished him by making him stay outside for a couple of hours, but it was worth it to see the look on her face.
Except she came back another day. So this time he pooped in her shoes. She got upset again, he got in trouble again, and yet again she came back.
The next time, he stole her shoes and buried them in the backyard. After that whenever she took off her shoes, she left them somewhere high where he couldn’t reach.
And still she came back. She was like a cat who wouldn’t go away. He hates cats. Mom and Dad hate cats too.
This ‘Ashley’ as Dad called her was turning out to be a more formidable opponent than he initially realized. He would need to step up his game.
The war had only just begun.
***
The next time Ashley came over, Kojo took the bundle of folded paper from Dad’s nightstand. He knew the paper was important to his dad because every day before Dad left the house he would place the paper behind his back to take with him. Kojo was not allowed to touch the paper. Which means his dad would not be happy if Ashley had the paper.
He would probably get in trouble again if caught, but he figured this one time would be okay. Extreme circumstances and all.
He leaned up next to the kitchen counter where Ashley had left her bag. Dropping the bundle on top of the bag so his dad could see it clearly. Then he waited while Dad made him his breakfast.
However, his dad was too distracted to notice. So Kojo had to take matters into his own paws. He jumped up next to the counter and ‘accidentally’ knocked over Ashley’s bag. The folded paper and other items fell out onto the floor.
Dad swore before he went to pick up the items. He looked confused when he found all his papers. Jackpot! “Ashley, why do you have my money clip?” he asked.
Ashley, having heard the commotion and seeing her stuff on the floor, bent down to pick up the other items. “What? How did that get in there?”
Unfortunately, Dad must have believed her because he looked at Kojo suspiciously. Kojo did his best to look innocent. He didn’t think his dad believed him, but he didn’t say anything Ashley. Instead claiming it must have been an accident. He finished cooking Kojo’s breakfast, but his dad kept an eye on him the entire time until Dad and Ashley left for the day.
Apparently, making his dad think Ashley stole from him wasn’t going to work. So he had to adjust his plans.
This time he found the shirt with Mom’s face on it and planted it in Ashley’s bag.
When Ashley found it, she did not look amused. “Why do you have a shirt with Lucy’s face on it?”
Dad laughed. “It was a joke from when she was a rookie. To teach her a lesson about falling asleep on shift. I took the photo and then had shirts made and passed them out to everyone at the station.” He appeared to be pleased by the fond memory.
“You spent how much money on a joke for someone who was only your rookie at the time?” Ashley asked. Kojo could tell she didn’t think the joke was funny. Maybe she didn’t have a sense of humor.
“Wasn’t a lot.” His dad insisted. “I have a connection so I got a good deal.”
“Right. Whatever.” She threw the shirt to his dad who folded it reverently before returning its place in the closet.
Ashley left soon after.
But, of course, she came back.
This time Kojo found the tiny device his dad would often listen to that had Mom’s voice inside. When Ashley found it she didn’t ask any questions, and Dad didn’t tell her anything. Just said a quick thanks as he snatched the item back and stuck it in his pocket.
Clearly, Kojo needed a new plan. One that would involve a lot of time and effort on his part. One that would be so foolproof that even the two fools he called his parents couldn’t mess it up.
He may have lost the first few battles, but he would not lose the war.
***
He initiated step one of his plan on a day Dad stayed home. He carefully dug up some dirt in the backyard. Off to the side of the house so his dad wouldn’t see what he was doing and stop him.
Step two involved getting a lot of water. He slowly took his water bowl and dropped the water on the dirt. He needed to repeat this step several times. Begging for more water each time. Hopefully, his dad would just think he was really thirsty. This part of the plan would have been much easier if it rained, but he could never count on the weather to cooperate.
When he had poured enough water on the dirt, he initiated step three of the plan: rolling around in the mud. He got himself very dirty so that every inch of his fur was covered in the sticky filth. He made sure to make more of a mess of himself than he ever had before. There could be no room for error.
Step four involved waiting for his dad to notice. That part of the plan was the easiest because it didn’t take long after a simple bark. His dad seemed very irritated as looked over Kojo. Admonishing him for playing in the mud. Wondering how he managed to do so when it hadn’t rained for weeks.
Unfortunately for Kojo, step five relied heavily on what his dad would do next. Fortunately for him, he had learned from his dad that one must always have knowledge of their opponent. To know what actions their target would take before said target even had reason to do so. Which is why everything worked out perfectly when his dad picked up the small contraption to call Mom.
“Lucy, your dog made a huge, dirty mess of himself. It’s going to be a two person job to clean him so I need you to come over.” He hung up with a thanks, and then looked over at Kojo shaking his head. “Just wait until your mom gets home. She’s probably going to want to take pictures.”
A short time later, Mom arrived with more treats and toys. Dad said he couldn’t have them because he had misbehaved, but after a pout from Mom and the puppy dog eyes from himself, Dad caved. Though he stood firm on Kojo having to wait after the bath.
Now was the time for step six. Truthfully, Kojo loves baths. He loves the attention. He loves the repeated rubbing of his fur and belly. He especially loves being told what a good boy he is from both his parents as they scratch his ears. But for today’s purposes, he has to act like he hates the bath. He recklessly jumps on both his mom and dad. Making certain to splash all the soapy water on them. Once he is thoroughly cleaned and rinsed, he shakes the water all over them. By the time he is done, the two of them are more wet and messy than he is. Soaked head to toe in water.
His mom asks his dad if he has any clothes for her to wear while she waits for her own to dry. His dad apparently missed the question because he was busy staring at her in her wet t-shirt. She has to repeat herself. Shaking himself out of his thoughts like Kojo has just shaken himself dry, his dad walks her inside to give her some clothes to borrow.
When his mom changes out of her wet clothes for clean ones, she leaves behind one piece of clothing hanging on the shower bar to dry. The one she wore beneath her shirt that his dad seemed so obsessed with. Perfect for step seven of his plan. He jumps up and pulls down the item. Then hides it where no one will be able to find it until he needs it again for step eight.
While his mom waits for her clothes to dry, she gives him the treats she brought. Together they play with the new tug toys until his dad asks if she wants to stay for dinner. They make dinner together, and then eat while they sit on the couch watching whatever is on the screen on the wall. Both of them sneak food to him.
Later when his mom changes back into her own clothes, she must have forgotten about that one item Kojo took because she doesn’t ask his dad about it. Which is perfect for his plan.
For a while Ashley doesn’t return to the house, and Kojo thinks maybe his plan won’t be necessary. Just when he thinks everything will be okay, she shows up again.
Time for step eight. He retrieves the piece of his mom’s clothing from its hiding place. Sneaking carefully into the living room, he’s about to leave the item in Ashley’s bag when she catches him. He drops the clothing on the floor and backs away. He thinks he is in trouble when Ashley picks it up, but she quickly turns around to face his dad.
“Whose bra is this?” She demands. She holds the item up to her chest. “Because it certainly isn’t mine!” She’s right. The ‘bra’ as she called it is too big to fit her.
His dad’s eyes widen. “That’s Lu….oooook, I don’t know how that got here.” He flusters.
“You don’t know how it got here, but clearly you know where it came from. Or should I say who it came from?” Something tells Kojo that Ashley already knows the answer.
His dad must sense this too because he tells her the truth. “It’s Lucy’s. She must have accidentally left it here.”
“And why is Lucy taking off her bra or anything else in your home?” Ashley questions him angrily.
“She’s my friend. We hang out. Occasionally she stays over.” His dad insists, then quickly follows with “On the couch. Alone.” That’s not technically true as Kojo has slept on the couch many times next to his mom. And his dad has done so at least once.
“Right.” Ashley sighs. “You know, I once told Lucy I’d be foolish to try to come between a man and his dog. But now I’m thinking, I’ve been making a bigger mistake.” She pauses. “Kojo was never who I had to worry about. Though I don’t think your dog likes me.” She’s not wrong. “I’m never going to mean as much to you as Lucy does. And the truth is I’m not jealous of Lucy. Not like that.” She takes a moment to compose herself. “I’m actually jealous of both of you. Of what you have together. What you mean to each other. And I won’t have that as long as I stay with you so I’m going to go. Goodbye, Tim.” She hands the bra over which his dad accepts carefully.
“Goodbye, Ashley.” She leaves, and his dad doesn’t try to stop her. Doesn’t go after her. Finally, he lets her go.
A major part of Kojo’s plan has been accomplished. But he can’t celebrate just yet. Because the rest of it relies on what his dad will do next.
Luckily, he doesn’t have to wait long. Barely a few minutes later, his dad invites his mom over to talk.
When she arrives, they sit on the couch while Kojo sits on his dog bed. Pretending to be interested in his new dog toy, but really he’s listening to them.
His dad tells her everything that happened. She says she’s sorry for him, but Kojo doesn’t really believe her sincerity. Neither does his dad. “No, you’re not. And that’s okay. Honestly, I’m not upset either. I’ve been meaning to break up with Ashley for a while now. Ever since… well, ever since we went undercover.”
She blushes. “I’ve been feeling the same way about Chris.” Kojo lifts his head in alert. Who is Chris? Mom has never mentioned a Chris. Does he need to poop in someone else’s shoes?
“Which is why I broke up with him.” She continues. Oh good, he doesn’t need to track down this Chris now. But if he shows up, Kojo will be sure to pee directly on him.
His parents look at each other longingly. He’s seen this look between them before. Usually, it never goes anywhere, but this time is different.
This time they lean forward and smoosh their faces together. Kojo has seen his dad do this with other humans, but never this aggressively. Hungrily. His dad focuses on his mom the way Kojo focuses on his favorite tennis ball. Soon they are all over each other. Petting each other. Then his dad picks his mom up as she wraps her legs around him and takes her to his room. He shuts the door so Kojo can’t follow, but he wasn’t planning to anyway. He’ll let them have their alone time to play together.
They play for several hours. And make lots of noises. Mostly his mom. She screams louder than when he howls at the sound of a siren.
Eventually Dad opens the door again to get something from the kitchen. Kojo sneaks into the room to find Mom lying in bed under the covers. She’s happier than he’s ever seen her. He curls up next to her, and she gives him a kiss on the head. When his dad comes back into the room, he hands over a glass of water to her before telling Kojo to get down off the bed. But his mom stops him. Insisting Kojo can stay. His dad grumbles but doesn’t deny her request. Only makes Kojo scoot further down the bed as he climbs in.
Kojo curls himself up between his parents feet and falls asleep. Happy to finally have his family together.
He hopes his mom will want to stay with him and his dad forever. He makes a plan to hide her clothes so she can never leave.
He doubts his parents will mind.