Work Text:
1.- Sigma
Just friends.
Just friends.
Fuck ‘just friends’.
Why did he feel like he was third wheeling the entirety of his life if they were just friends?
Sigma had his head in his hands and was close to tearing out his hair. Slumped in the chair opposite, he had front row seats to what must be a 2 year hoax at his expense, because in what world did friends spoon feed each other mouthfuls of cake?
“Dos kuuuun~” Gogol started batting his eyelashes
“Yes, my dear?” Fyodor asked- they used pet names. Pet names for God’s sake.
“Some more if you please,” Nikolai draping himself over Fyodor leaning his head on the others shoulder. In response Fyodor nodded, passing another spoonful of cake into Nikolai's mouth, the only plus side to this sickenly sappy display was that it shut that clown up- until he swallowed.
“Okay my turn now” he declared with a smile
“I can do this myself you know-”
“Sshhhhhh” Gogol interjected putting a finger to Fyodor's lips cutting him off, but not before loading a spoon high with whipped cream and summer berries.
Every time. Every time it got worse. This was the end of the line. Sharply Sigma pushed back his chair causing a high-pitched squeal from the metal against shiny tile flooring cutting through the serene calm of the Cafe they were sitting in.
“What's wrong Sigma-kun?” Dostoyevsky asked, it would seem almost genuine if you didn’t know him well.
“What’s wrong? look at the two of you!” Sigma yelled exasperated, not caring about the stares he was getting from the other customers.
The two in question used that moment to evaluate themselves: Fyodor with a large blob of cream on his nose and Nikolai poised to lick it off, the PDA alone was too much, but for them to still insist that they were not together made it all the more unbearable. “It’s sick and shouldn’t be allowed in public-”
Before he could finish his passionate rant Sigma was being ushered out of the shop by a nervous-looking employee and was given a stern warning about how homophobia isn’t tolerated and that if it was to happen again it would be reported as a hate crime.
“I am not homophobic” Sigma began, trying to justify his behavior and rationalize his thoughts, “This is all just a mistake and poor phrasing on my part-” how could he explain it? The gut-wrenching torture he had endured for as long as he’d known them. He tried to stutter out explanations, but after a moment of observation Fyodor (whipped cream no longer on his nose) left the cafe Nikolai trailing behind.
“I assure you that my friend here was not meaning to be derogatory in any way this is simply a... misunderstanding. I assure you that we didn't take offense, right Nikolai?” Sigma left out a small sigh of relief,
"I mean well I for one feel deeply off-” the idiot's eyes glistened with joy as he spent his sweet time mulling over the decision he would make
“My criminal record is on the line here Gogol” Sigma half spat still trying to be civil
“I take no offense to the statement” he responded with a sigh, drooping like a wilted plant against Dostoyevsky “and were not even dating so I don't know why it was even a problem in the first place,” linking arms with his companion and walking away from the shop, leaving what could only be a minimum wage employee trying to do the right thing, speechless
“They weren’t- they’re not?-” the employee began to process the oddness of what had just happened and not wanting to explain the situation further Sigma settled on a tired nod before following the others back to campus. For of it happened for the 3rd time that week he was going to need to find more excuses not to go out with them.
~***~
2.- Dazai
Dazai was both Fyodor's roommate and ex which was awkward, to say the least but they were too far in the semester to change and neither of them cared enough to protest further opting to stick to snide remarks and passive-aggressive mutters.
Dazai had returned home from a game night that had ended in disaster as they always do. (Who in the right mind thought that monopoly was going to work out?) he’d expected to return home to find Fyodor hunched over his laptop and maybe annoy him into a game of chess but that rarely worked even on a good day and with the amount of screwed-up paper scattered around the apartment this day wasn't one of them.
When he entered the room it was significantly colder than it should be, meaning either the windows were left open or someone was on the balcony- the much-neglected overhang of concrete they liked to pretend was a balcony rather than a storage space for the time Dazai brought half a dozen plants and killed them all, with the exception a cactus he had affectionately named 'Chibi' as it too was small and prickly and much too stubborn for its own good.
He had a quick glance to the balcony but the sight his eyes fell upon was….wholesome?
Sitting on the ledge shoulder to shoulder, hands entwined, and legs hanging precariously above the street while oncoming traffic stopped and started below as Fyodor pointed out constellations amongst the light pollution and clouds his friend's head resting on his shoulder.
This was not the first time he had walked in on something like this, recalling the time they both were sitting under fuzzy blankets rewatching old noir films Nikolai's head on Fyodor's lap as he braided his hair absentmindedly. As you could assume these moments didn’t last long once Dazai arrived not because they were ashamed of their affection but because something in the air shifted and the moment was ruined.
A breeze brought bits of their conversation through the door quiet mutters Dasai managed to decipher
“Back home the sky was always clear it looked like it went for miles and you could see 10 no twenty times more stars than now-” Fyodor rarely spoke of the home country it seemed to sadden him so Dazai let the subject be “The air was colder crisper so when it was warm it was cherished nothing like the humidity here” it was spoken with a fondness that wasn't heard often in Fyodor's voice
“Tell me the constellations again Fedya” Nikolai whispered
“As you wish,” and even from afar Dazai could see that their eyes shined brighter than any star.
~***~
The following day was when Dazai put this new-found knowledge (that really only confirmed his growing suspicions) so let the interrogation begin.
Just as Fyodor woke up which should be at some point after midday.
After another hour or so Fyodor awoke from his slumber and trailed into the kitchen to make himself tea much like every morning while the kettle boiled he went over his emails and proofread his work from the day before, it was an unspoken rule not to speak to each other before Fyodor had had his morning (afternoon?) caffeine yet Dazai just couldn’t wait any longer and knew he would have a better chance of an honest result when he was still half asleep.
He was happy for him he really was, when they were together they were simply two broken people trying to name a whole all sharp edges and cuts maybe this Nikolai had worn them down
“Hi Fyodor,” Dazai drawled, An incomprehensible grunt of acknowledgment was the response he got in return.
“Have a fun night?” This time he got a glare- things were going downhill fast,
“It's good to see you've moved on,” he continued despite the lack of enthusiasm
“Yeah” his roommate replied his eyes firmly trained on the kettle
“and that you found someone better for you” the silent treatment nice “So talk to me about it-"
“About what?” Fyodor sighed as the kettle finally boiled,
“your relationship obviously!”
“With who?” he answered face to the wall as he poured out his tea letting the tea bag rest
“Nikolai,” Dazai answered as he did so he noticed a slight hesitation in picking up the cup
“Oh, Were not dating” and with that, he returned to his room taking his tea with him, Dazai thought that would happen and sighed to himself before following him across the room, “It’s okay to admit that you feel things sometimes you know?” a final answer being a door slammed in his face.
~***~
3.- Nikolai
He and Fyodor were not dating, sometimes they'd do some couple thing like feeding each other cake or go star gazing or write promises about how you want to spend the rest of your life together and keep them locked up in a draw, no they were simply good friends.
Very good friends.
Very good friends that sometimes occasionally spoon.
But in a bro way,
He managed to drag Fyodor off his laptop as he’d barely seen him all week he said he was writing papers he was pretty sure that he had fallen into a sims4 rabbit hole, either way, they were together now laying on his bed as Dazai was being too loud for Fyodor to concentrate so he stayed over, they did it a lot, for the convenience of course, Nikolai lived closer to campus anyway, in fact, they did it so often that half of Fyodor's wardrobe was mixed in with his own opting to just leave his clothes here when he changed into sleep clothes as according to him it was pointless to take them back each time.
In fact, a lot of Fyodor's stuff had been at his place recently; a laptop charger tea bags that only Fyodor drank decaf instant coffee otherwise he wouldn’t sleep for 3 days straight
Iron supplements post-it notes on the fridge-
Oh shit were they living together? No no he would know that by now wouldn’t he,
Fyodor must be a psychic ( or able to feel him tensing) as Fyodor rolled over and buried his face in Nikolai's chest and began running his fingers through his hair in a soothing way like he’d done it a million times before -which he had- that caused Nikolai to forget about the impending issue of ‘what they were' and enjoy the time they spent together his hands going to there usual place at the base of Fyodor's neck pulling him closer until he felt the other relax against him.
Nikolai didn't realise what he'd done until it was too late, they'd been laying peacefully for half an hour or so whenever so carefully he'd placed a feather-light kiss on the top of Fyodor's head he froze shit shit shit that was fine right? Totally platonic. Totally fine. he repeated it over and over inside his head like a mantra only when he realise that Fyodor was still sound asleep did he relax and hope that he didn't notice.
~***~
+1- Fyodor
Fyodor Dostoyevsky knew what he liked the simple things: his tea, his cello, his black and white films and he was content with that or that's what he thought.
He had been laying on Nikolai's bed like he had done so many times before when it hit him.
Just listening to the other talk about whatever was on his mind hopping from one subject to another without thought Fyodor giving the occasional input when necessary but mostly just enjoying the sound of his friend's voice, the way he moves his hands when he speaks in such an animated way, how his left side of his face has 5 more freckles than the right and how he really wants to kiss each and every one of them- friends weren’t supposed to think stuff like that.
He wanted more than friendship.
It’s been 7 months since he first thought that and the urge had only been getting stronger, with Dazai and his ‘chibis’ lovers' spats getting louder by the day he had no choice but to spend more time at Nikolai's who was fortunate enough to not have a roommate that was so annoying although he wouldn’t say Sigma was so lucky.
He was forced to get up before midday by the smell of burnt food and the lovely sound of a smoke alarm (which was the punishment he got for staying over as often as he did and not paying rent) the culprit of the interruption being Nikolai's cooking as he had attempted to make pancakes,
From what he was told sigma had an early class so Nikolai couldn't be stopped or so he thought as he ended up being ruthlessly foiled by his own lack of baking skills from the massacre he managed to salvage a singular pancake that had retained the signature golden color unlike it's blackened brethren- which was good as Fyodor was never hungry in the mornings but still figured he'd be polite and at least try the attempt made in his honor.
as he picked at his food Nikolai noticed a change in his expression as he lost himself in thought, recently Nikolai had been avoiding him and while in a shared living space it was becoming increasingly difficult to do so, even with acting skills the excuses were becoming more and more transparent
"Dos is something on your mind?" Nikolai questioned
"I guess you could say that" was he really being that obvious?
"You can tell me- your favorite and most intimate friend," he said while leaning across the table to take a bite of pancake from Fyodor's fork,
"Are you sure you want to know?"
"Yes!"
"Okay" Fyodor sighed
"Drumroll please" as Nikolai tapped the edge of the table as an imitation building the anxiety at the pit of his stomach
"why have you been avoiding me?" he said it casually as if it wasn't anything at all continuing to pick at his pancake
"huh?" Nikolai stuttered
"you haven't been asking me to read over your work as often or pester me into watching movies, as much as I might not show it I enjoy our time together, I miss it" while Nikolai was trying to recover himself Fyodor continued "Also one more thing that i've been meaning to tell you, I love you."
"platonica-" before Nikolai could continue Fyodor had lent across and kissed him. It tasted like syrup and herbal tea almost on instinct Nikolai's own hands went to cradle Fyodor's face as if it was the most natural thing in the world, they only broke apart to catch their breath looking into each others eyes.
"wait so you're saying we could of been doing that the whole time," Nikolai asked with a grin,
"I guess we'll have to make up for loss of time" he smirked, before leaning in to kiss again.
~***~
A few days went by and Sigma sat in the same spot at the same cafe watching them feed each other cake once again. And somehow it was worse than last time.
Instead of sitting next to each other, Nikolai was very close to sitting on Fyodor's lap and instead of whipped cream on Fyodor's nose it was on his upper lip-
He could see this coming miles away.
"I have had it up to here with you guys and you are not going to kiss in front of me and then claim you are 'just friends' because in what world do friends look at each other like that-"
"Like what?" don't you dare play innocent with me Dostoyevsky
"Like your each others entire universe! I hate to inform you but other people exist as well" after this outburst neither had the decency to even pretend to be embarrassed, Fyodor even seemed to be smirking. He knew something Sigma didn't
"Oh I'm sorry did we forget to tell you? we're together now" he was met with silence using Sigma's shock at this statement as a distraction Nikolai saw it as the perfect time to get that bit of whipped cream on his boyfriend's lip which prompted a display of affection that sigma was getting sick of really fast, Fyodor could tell this by how he had put his head to the table in defeat
So he had Sigma close to tears opposite him trying to work out what of the past two years was a lie, Nikolai curled around him hands entwined with his own, two papers to finish and a cello recital,
And that was all he needed.