Work Text:
Fucking Childe was different. It was easy. Where Zhongli had to be gentle with others, mindful as to not crush their mortal forms with the wrath of the rock, Childe was impatient, begging for more, craving the pain Zhongli inflicted on him, wrapped in the safety of whatever bed they’d found, warm candlelight or morning rays of sun illuminating them together, moulding into each other’s bodies, Childe becoming Zhongli as the Geo Archon made love to him time and time again, almost obligated as if one day, an unspoken contract had been agreed upon between them when Zhongli wasn’t looking.
“Fuck, Zhongli, shit…” Childe was a mess beneath him, body outlined in glistening sweat, spread like a piece of art for Zhongli to admire. He traced his hands along the scars littering Childe’s torso, causing his back to arch. “Mm.. on the scars again, ‘Li?”
“They’re beautiful.” Zhongli murmured, leaning down, kissing along Childe’s collarbones. Normally he tried not to leave marks but, fuck, it was different when it was Childe, basically begging for him to leave bruises on his already marked skin.
“They’re ugly.” Childe laughed bitterly. “They’re signs of failure. Times I fucked up.”
“They’re like masterful brush strokes, the thoughts of an esteemed artist painted along a canvas.” Zhongli mused, and Childe rolled his eyes. “Every single one is not a sign of failure, but of victory. It is a reminder that no matter how hard your enemy tries, no matter what they do to harm you, you will always return victorious. No matter how deep their weapon cuts, you will heal in time and rise again, returning to the battlefield…” He trailed off, and Childe laughed.
“And what about the ones from training accidents? Are those also from my greatest enemies?” He teased, but something in his eyes softened as Zhongli once again grazed his hands over the man before him, almost like he wanted to hold it forever, engrain it into his memory and never let anyone else see it again…
“God… you fuck me so brutally, yet you touch me so gently.. Make up your mind, Zhongli.” Childe teased, and Zhongli grinned.
“That reminds me. If you’re still speaking coherent sentences, I must not be doing good enough.” He punctuated his words by slamming what was once pulled out all the way back in, feeling Childe turn to putty beneath him, turning malleable at his touch.
And once it was over, it just wasn’t right to leave him there. Not like Zhongli did with the others. When he was with Childe, he went harder. He was harder. It was only polite to see it through, and Zhongli craved the touch of his body as he carried him throughout his house, settling down in the warm water while still tangled in each other’s bodies, feeling the other rest comfortably on him as if he was a bed, almost as if it was meant to be.
“You insist on doing this every time,” Childe muttered, looking up at Zhongli through long eyelashes with sleepy eyes, and Zhongli just tutted, rinsing him with soap until he was certain the only traces that remained of their deeds was the bruises and bites he had left earlier.
Childe truly was like the water they settled in now, crashing into Zhongli like a tsunami, eroding away millennia of rock solid defences until it rendered him bare, no longer Morax, no longer Rex Lapis, just a man with a man. Being with Childe was different. It was easy. He could last a millennia like this, with nothing but an eternity of domestic togetherness ahead.
If only he could freeze this moment now, like stone, something to admire later. Or return to it whenever he pleased, and right his wrongs before they start to ripple through the world, making irreversible changes.
When Childe had come to Liyue, he was not looking for a lover. He was looking for the Geo Archon. And in Zhongli, he had found both.
~~~
Zhongli was a fraud. A liar. A cheat, and a heartbreaker. And most importantly, he was the fucking Geo Archon.
“Hey, what about me?” Childe spat, staring pointedly into the back of the man before him. Someone he had called a companion, a friend, even a… he couldn’t stomach thinking about it now. “Doesn’t anyone feel the least bit of remorse for deceiving me? You’ve practically kept me in the dark!” His words were bitter, forced out of his mouth, barely concealing his heartbreak.
Signora turned to him, already begging for him to give her a good bitch slap. “I think thanks would be more appropriate.” She chastised him, and her following words were drowned out by the intense effort needed for Childe to refrain from giving her a piece of her mind right there and then.
“Just whose side are you on, mocking me like that??” Childe growled, resisting the urge to draw his swords. “Are you itching for a fight?” He instinctively moved into a fighting stance. He’d give anything to fight right now, to let loose his Foul Legacy and go feral, anything to cope with his mind numbing emotions and shattering heart.
Even the Traveller’s words felt mocking, as Childe switched his focus to vent his anger onto them. The entire time this had been happening, Zhongli – no, Morax – had been quiet. Mockingly quiet. If now was the time for him to say anything, something, show that he actually cared, that all those moments between them hadn’t just been a part of his stupid show, it was now. But he remained quiet, his stoney gaze piercing into Childe like an arrow through his heart, cementing the ruin of any and all relationships they might’ve had in the past.
Signora dismissed them both, and although Childe still snapped at her like an angry dog, he was secretly grateful. He needed any opportunity to get away from the Geo Archon, staring daggers into his back like he was getting off on how much he’d fucked Childe over. Being tricked and used by the Tsaritsa was one thing.. It was part of their agreement, part of the contract with the Fatui Childe had signed. After, he was only a weapon to her, and he knew that. Nothing more than a means to an end. But Morax… he was sure there was nothing in their contract that required playing with your food.
“Are you coming home with me, or are you going to continue sulking all day?” Signora asked, pulling him out of his thoughts. “I already said I wasn’t taking a boat with you.” Childe snapped.
Signora laughed, almost as coldly as the ice the Tsartisa creates. “Look at you, with your tail between your legs. You’re acting like a toddler throwing a temper tantrum? Did you really think you were that important? That the Tsartisa would allow you, a mere child, to take an Archon’s gnosis?”
Childe shook his head, his ears ringing. “Just.. Leave me alone, Signora.” He spat, turning on his heel and walking away. Importance… she was right. To the Tsartisa, at least he was something: a tool, a weapon. But to Morax, he was no one. He was simply some sort of fuck toy, a game to be played with in order to pass the time. He scowled, clenching his fist. Signora was taking the last scheduled boat to Snezhnaya, and he would rather die than admit to wanting to actually take the boat with her. Which meant he was stranded here, alone. In a city he barely knew, one that he’d just tried to destroy, and created by the God that had discarded him like a piece of trash.
He headed towards the Northland Bank. The first thing he’d do after crying his heart out would be scheduling a boat immediately headed for Snezhnaya, no matter the cost.
~~~
The Fatui carefully planned every action they made, and that included celebrations. Which meant there was no lack of authentic Firewater and other alcohol for Childe to sneak into his room where he could sulk on his own.
He took another chug from the bottle next to him, the burning of his throat perfectly accompanying the burning of his eyes as tears streaked down his cheeks. The rooms in Northland Bank were soundproof, and even then, someone probably still heard him sobbing. It would explain why no one’s bothered him after so long. He took another swig from some other opened bottle, determined to keep drinking until he felt like nothing, until his body was weightless, until he could travel even a day in the past, before all of this. When it was just him and Zhongli, a mere mortal man. No gods, no gnosises, no contracts.
What a fucking way to have your heart broken.
The windows were open, and he hated it. He swayed over to the window, barely making the mere meter distance. Fuck this city. Fuck Liyue. He hated it, he hated everything about it and most importantly, he hated their fucking archon. God. How he wished he could raise Osial again, and destroy Morax’s oh-so precious city. How he wished he could rip out the heart of Rex Lapis the same way his heart was torn and served on a silver fucking platter to Signora and the Traveller. He slammed the window, muttering curses under his breath. He was a mess, and he knew it. He drew the curtains closed, slamming them shut with more force than was necessary, probably dislodging one of the curtain rods from its place in the wall.
Fuck this. He kicked the table, watching as half-full bottles tumbled and fell, staining the floor and carpet. Not that he cared. Someone else could clean it up for him. He collapsed on the couch, exhausted. This was going to be a hell of a hangover. It was a hell of a breakup, and they’d never even started dating. He needed to change, and he needed to sleep. He was still wearing his clothes from the fight with the traveller, and at this point they were a biohazard – soaked with blood, sweat and booze. He shuffled through the rooms of the apartment he was staying, getting to the bedroom, exposing his shirt and pants and- fuck. He couldn’t take it anymore.
He collapsed on the soft bed, exhaustion overtaking him. How many times had Zhongli been here? How many times had Zhongli touched him in this bed, taken him, overstimulated his senses until they were the only two people that existed…
He couldn’t take it anymore. He couldn’t take this. Being used, being discarded. It was one thing when his family spat him out like he was nothing… but Zhongli. Zhongli knew who he was. Zhongli knew he was a monster. Yet.. in the end, the real monster was Morax.
He touched himself. He moaned, replacing his tears with something else. Replacing his sadness with lust. Yet his brain only screamed one word at him, only repeated one thought. Zhongli. Zhongli. Zhongli. Zhongli. Was this the way Zhongli used to do it? When he did this, did it feel like they were together again? The way Zhongli touched him felt better, like he was flying. Did Zhongli ever think of him like this, or was it all just an act? It was too much, too much emotion and heartbreak and pain and pleasure and he exploded, erupting all over himself, briefly escaping the pit in his stomach.
God, he was fucking pathetic, he thought, as he laid in his bed, covered in tears and semen. If anything, he deserved to die. Deserved to sink into the Earth moulded by Morax himself and be suffocated the same way Zhongli seemed to suffocate him whenever they were together. He’d probably never be okay again, he thought, laughing bitterly.
He’d never be okay without Zhongli.
~~~
Zhongli would never be okay without Childe. He stood outside Northland Bank. Pacing back and forth, his heart racing. An Archon’s heart did not race. An Archon did not feel nervous over a mere mortal. An Archon did not feel like the world was ending because someone might not like them anymore. But Zhongli was no longer an Archon. He clenched the gifts he had in hand, flowers and wine, a nicely written card detailing his apologies, before he knocked on the door.
“Hello Ekaterina. Is Childe here?” He asked, bowing at the Fatui Agent who entered the door.
“Ah, Mr. Zhongli.” She said, surprised. “I didn’t expect to see you here. Especially at this.. Time of night.” She coughed awkwardly. “We, the Fatui, are very busy right now. I’m afraid Childe can’t take visitors.” She started to close the door, but Zhongli’s hand shot out, holding the door open, surprising even himself with the impulsiveness of his actions.
“Ekaterina.” He begged, his normally steady voice wavering uncharacteristically. “Please.”
She sighed, the expression on her mask somehow becoming more empathetic. “Come in. But I can’t guarantee he will want to see you.”
The Northland Bank, normally the epitome of quiet and orderly, was almost what could be described as ‘lively.’ At least, there was an exceptional number of Fatui hanging around, some of them holding drinks, clinking glasses. Zhongli expected to see Childe amongst them, celebrating, but instead he was nowhere to be seen. The Fatui barely even glanced at him anymore, already so used to his presence from all the times Childe had taken him to his home in the Bank.
“Good luck.” Ekaterina said, her voice barely a whisper. If not for Zhongli’s inhuman hearing, he might not have even heard it. He gave her a nod of recognition, heading up the stairs on his own.
He stood outside the golden door leading to Childe’s apartment, his heart pounding in his chest? Is this what it felt like to be human? So… stressful? Yet, as much as he wanted to turn back in that moment, he knew he couldn’t. He knocked on the door, once at first, then again and again when the door neglected to open.
Finally, the handle turned, a voice slurred from inside. “Wha… is it you want… I’m busy….” Childe wasn’t just drunk, he was hammered.
“Ajax,” Zhongli started, trying to calm the fire in his chest. The door flew open, revealing Childe before him, insane and unhinged. He grabbed Zhongli’s tie with terrifying strength, throwing Zhongli inside the apartment before he slammed the door, pinning Zhongli against it with his hands posed over his head by one of Childe’s hands. The flowers and wine crashed to the floor, causing a puddle of petals at their feet. He breathed heavily in Zhongli’s face, his eyes scouring it like he couldn’t believe what he was seeing was real. His breath reeked of beer and cheap booze, and it made Zhongli want to gag.
“MORAX!” Childe roared, grabbing Zhongli’s throat, making him gag. “Don’t… do that. Don’t act like you need to breathe. Like you need to care.” His words were harsh, dripping with poison, despite the fact he was struggling to talk, and even carrying himself at all. Even his grip on Zhongli’s neck was weakening.
“Ajax… please…” Zhongli muttered quietly, trying to calm down the man before him.
Childe scowled, pushing Zhongli harder into the door. “Don’t do that, Morax. Don’t call me that.” It was only now, with their faces pushed so closely together, so that Childe’s hot breath was on Zhongli’s lips, did he now realise that Childe had been crying. He was crying.
“I’m sorry.” He whispered gently, saying what he’d been thinking since the moment Childe’s face had dropped in recognition. Saying what Childe so desperately wished to hear. He wiggled his hands from Childe’s grasp, gently bringing one up to his face, gently stroking his cheek, feeling the thin layer of peach fuzz Childe could never quite seem to grow out. Childe leaned into his touch for a brief second, a passing moment of forgiveness, before he drew back, raising his hand before slapping Zhongli across the face.
Zhongli stumbled back in shock, tears stinging in his eyes. His face felt hot where it’d been struck. “Don’t call me Ajax.” Childe slurred. “Don’t pretend you love me.” He laughed, but his laugh felt broken, unhinged. “You, Signora, the Tsaritsa. You think I’m weak. But look at me. Even like this, even so, so heartbroken and thrown aside by you and your stupid games… I can still land a hit on a God.” He strided forward, hands again raised, ready to strike. Zhongli did not move. He did nothing. He knew he deserved this. Childe hit him again, this time on the other side of his face, and he sank to his knees. Even like this, as Childe abused him again and again, he was still gorgeous. The shirt he wore was stained with sweat, sliding off his shoulders like he’d just thrown it on, stained boxers sliding off his hips. To anyone else, he would’ve been disgusting, but to Zhongli, he was a work of art deserving worship.
Childe grabbed Zhongli’s jaw, forcing the Archon to look up at him as he yelled. “How could you do this? HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?” He yelled, spit landing on Zhongli’s face. “How could you pretend-” His voice cracked. “I loved you.” He said finally, in a voice much softer than before.
For the first time in millennia, Zhongli found himself unable to speak. He just stared, utterly helpless at the person before him. Childe sighed, slumping down on the couch, covered in food and empty bottles. “Speechless, Morax?” He said finally. “Not expecting to be called out on your bullshit?” He enunciated the last word, spitting it out like it was a disgusting piece of food.
“You’re right. Archons cannot love.” Zhongli said finally, his voice shaking from being choked.
“So you admit it.” Childe said bitterly, smiling like he’d just won a battle, his voice sounding like he’d just lost.
“No, I don’t.” Zhongli responded, just as stubborn as the stone he used to command. “This.. way I feel around you… my heart elates, my mind soars, the dizziness and euphoria and my clouded judgement.. this cannot be anything other than love, no? After all, I am no longer Morax. I am no longer Rex Lapis, the Geo Archon. I am simply Zhongli, a mortal man.” Zhongli swallowed, preparing himself to admit something he’d never said before, let alone thought. “Ajax… I.. I love you.” He muttered finally.
Childe watched him from above, his face expressionless, his emotions unreadable. After a moment, he stood, and Zhongli’s heart soared in anticipation. But Childe just grabbed his tie again, yanking him to his feet, and slamming open the door yet again.
“Get. Out.” Childe ordered, pushing Zhongli out the door. Zhongli rushed forward, grasping at the handle, but being too late to grab it before he heard the door click and lock. He sank to his knees, mourning as he experienced heartbreak for the first time since Guizhong died.
~~~
When Childe woke up, it was like leaving the Hell of his nightmares about the Abyss to enter the Hell of reality. The world swam, and he immediately rolled over to the side of the bed and threw up. The room smelled rancid, like something dead had been left in it for a month, and he’d even fallen asleep in his dirty sheets. He stumbled towards the shower, barely missing the mess on the floor.
Five hours later, Childe emerged from his now-clean house, feeling only slightly better than he had in the morning. The pit in his stomach was still constant, made even worse by the returning memories of last night. He emerged from Northland Bank wearing nothing but casual clothing, since he no longer had a reason to present publicly as a Harbinger. And either way, he wasn’t going out on official business. The sun stung his eyes as the cool evening air whipped his cheeks, almost reminding him of the air back home. How he wished he was there right now, telling his siblings stories of what it was like in Liyue. Yet, that would mean leaving Zhongli, and as much as he swore he hated the former Geo Archon…
His feet lead him to where his memories were travelling, as he ascended the stairs towards an ornamental bridge overlooking the harbour.
The sky alight with lanterns was like nothing he’d ever seen before. It reminded him almost of the sky back home, yet almost somehow more beautiful in the fact it was man-made.
Zhongli looked at him intently, something almost like a grin floating on his normally stern face. “What do you think, Childe?” He asked. “Or should I say Tartaglia?”
Perhaps it was the gorgeous sight of the lanterns making Childe giddy, or the wine he’d had to drink earlier, or the fact Zhongli was so close to him, but he simply said “Ajax.” To which Zhongli questioned.
“Ajax. It’s my real name. I don’t tell just anyone, you know.” He teased.
Zhongli smiled. “So, this means we’re friends?” He asked innocently.
“Of course we are.” Childe replied, and as Zhongli swept him up into a back-breaking hug, something startling crossed his mind.
Zhongli, I’m in love with you. That’s why I told you my name.
Childe fidgeted with his gloves as he stared into the waters of Liyue Harbour, lost in memories. Another tear slid down his cheek, surprising him. He wasn’t aware he had any tears left to cry. He sniffled, rubbing his nose, and laughed again, bitterly. Moving to put his gloves back on and head home. Maybe he would get something nice to eat. After all, he was supposed to be celebrating. As he turned to leave, instead, he saw a retreating stony figure.
“Zhongli?” He questioned, reaching out before he could even stop himself. The stony figure turned, looking him over with sad eyes.
“Childe. My apologies. I was just coming here on a stroll. I don’t want to disturb you.” Zhongli said, giving Childe a short bow. It felt so.. Formal. So impersonal. So.. strange.
Childe stepped closer, and Zhongli remained rooted in place, begging Childe to come towards him with his eyes alone. Childe gently placed his hands on Zhongli’s shoulders, before realising what he had done and quickly removing him. “Why did you come here?” He hesitated before adding, “Xiansheng.”
Zhongli moved, looking out at the ocean spread before them like a collection of jewels. “Do you remember?” He said finally. “Your first lantern rite. It’s a cherished memory of mine, you know.” He sighed. “Every single moment we’ve had together… in my memories, they shine brighter than gold.”
Tears once again threatened to pour from Childe’s eyes as he barely managed to hold it together.
“You’re right, Ajax. I did use you. Even if it wasn’t my intent. When I heard of a Harbinger coming to cause chaos… I expected some sort of war machine, not.. You. You’re so human. You’re so full of life, you’re so.. easily lovable. As a God, you are a startling reminder of everything I want to be. Therefore I forgot myself. Every waking second, I regret not telling you of my identity sooner. It was because I was chasing my own selfish desires of humanity that I neglected to inform you.” Childe had never seen Zhongli stumble over his words the way he was now, had never heard this emotion coming from his tone alone.
Easily lovable. If Childe was everything in the universe, the one thing he wouldn’t be would be “easily lovable.” But for a second there, when he was with Zhongli, it felt… reasonable.
He stepped towards Zhongli again, taking his face in his hands. Zhongli closed his eyes, taking his turn to relax in Childe’s fleeting touch. “Your face.. It’s bruised. I’m sorry.” Childe said finally.
“It’s nothing. If anything, I deserved it. Your anger was righteous.”
Childe’s heart was pounding in his chest. For being an Archon, someone the Tsartisa had declared war on, one of the Divine Seven looking down on Humanity, his relationship with Zhongli almost felt.. Obtainable. Like it could be real. Like it could happen, and they could be happy together until death did them part. Childe snaked his arms down Zhongli’s back, the same way they had done during intimate moments hundreds of times. Instead, this time, he connected their lips, briefly touching. When they broke away, Zhongli hesitated. They’d never kissed before, and now…
Zhongli reached up, grabbing Childe’s hair before slamming their lips together, basically bending Childe over the railing as he explored every inch of his mouth, their hot breath moulding together as they traced their hands down each other’s already familiar bodies. When they broke apart, a line of spit glistened between them, almost as a sign that they were never meant to separate in the first place.
“I didn’t expect you to be so good at that..” Zhongli murmured, before kissing Childe again.
Childe laughed, and pushed away again. “You think so lowly of me, Morax.”
Zhongli smiled. “Don’t call me that, for I am no longer Morax. As for what you should call me… you should call me your Lover instead.”