Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

1 Month after the townhouse fire

“I liked this one,” TK remarked as he took out the photo of the one apartment and placed it to the side.

They had taken photos of all the places that they had looked at and wrote short notes on the back of the polaroids as to what they liked from each place.

Carlos shook his head and TK sighed. “What’s wrong with it?”

“I don’t think the building is up to code. It’s over ten years old. We can’t be sure of the wiring,” Carlos started ticking off the points that concerned him.

“You do know I’m a dually certified firefighter slash paramedic, right?” TK grinned.

Carlos returned the smile. “I know, mi amor. It’s just.” He shrugged.

TK squeezed his hand. “I understand. You want to make sure the place is safe.”

“No,” Carlos shook his head. “It’s more than that. I need to make sure that we, that you, are safe.”

TK reached out and cupped Carlos’ face. “I agree, it is an old building, and that one light switch did flicker for a few seconds. I understand your concern.” He took the photo and crumpled it up.

“You sure?” Carlos asked with a frown.

“I’m sure.” TK picked up the next photo. “What about this one?”

Carlos took the photo and studied it. He took a deep breath and shared his concerns about that apartment.

After going through the photos TK looked at the empty coffee table. None of the places they’d checked out remained as a possible option. Carlos had a problem with each one. On the one hand he found it endearing that Carlos wanted to make sure that whatever apartment or townhouse they take they’d be safe. But on the other hand, he wanted to get out of his dad’s house. Owen and Mateo both went out of their way to make sure he and Carlos had the necessary alone time, but it wasn’t the same. He needed out.

“You’re not very impressed with me right now, are you?” Carlos asked as he lowered his head.

“I’m always impressed with you, Officer Reyes,” TK tried to keep the mood light. “But I have to say, seeing all of those photos ending up in the trash can is a bit disheartening.”

Carlos reached past his boyfriend for the thrown away photos. “We can have another look.”

TK gently pulled him back. “No, we looked at them and they were not suitable. We are not going to go back and rehash them. This weekend we will go apartment hunting again.”

“You sure?”

TK nodded. “I’m sure.” He pulled Carlos closer and at the same time he shifted back. The result was him on his back with Carlos stretched out on top of him. “Now, I know for a fact that Mateo went to Paul’s place and my dad is stuck at the firehouse for the foreseeable future. What do you say, you and I take this time we’ve got and put it to better use?”

“You want to read?” Carlos smirked and then laughed at the younger man’s expression. Before TK could respond, Carlos leaned forward and kissed TK hard. Soon both of them had no words to say except to plead and beg as they took each other apart.

2 Months after the fire

Firehouse 126

TK stifled a yawn as he opened the back door to the rig to take inventory. He cringed as his constant headache made itself known. It didn’t help that the contractors were busy with the last renovations of the newly restored fire station and that they decided to hammer something into place.

“You okay?” Nancy’s voice sounded at his back and TK nearly jumped out of his own skin.

“Shit, Nancy! Don’t do that.” TK could feel his own heart thumping in his chest. His legs gave way and he went down heavily.

“Sorry, I’m so sorry,” Nancy patted him on the shoulder. “Why are you so jumpy?” She asked, concerned.

“I’m not jumpy. I just didn’t hear you behind me.” TK scowled. “You know, WITH ALL THIS RACKET GOING ON!” He couldn’t help but to yell and then instantly regretted it. He held his head between his hands and moaned softly.

Nancy sighed. “You are a real fool, TK Strand.” She took him by the arm and dragged him out of the ambulance.

“Where are we going? I need to do inventory.” TK tried to pull back, but his partner didn’t let go.

“We are getting you something for that headache of yours and see if luck would be on our side and the crew will stop hammering shortly,” she replied over her shoulder as she continued to drag him up the stairs and into their Captain’s office.

“Kids?” Tommy smiled as she saw Nancy dragging TK into her office. She sighed softly when she noted the dark rings under TK’s eyes and his pasty pallor.

“He’s being a martyr again.” Nancy pushed TK into the chair and glared at her friend when he tried to stand up.

“I’m not.” TK lowered his eyes when Tommy sighed and Nancy glared at him again.

“The fact that you’re walking around with a headache, not saying a word to anyone, suffering in silence tells me otherwise.”

“I don’t…”

Tommy held up her hand and smiled when TK stopped talking. “Don’t even try to deny it, young man. Both myself and Nancy know you far too well by now.” She walked out from behind her desk and opened the small first aid kit that stood in the corner. She and Nancy had deliberately stocked it up with medication that wouldn’t affect TK’s sobriety. She took out two tablets and held out her hand to the youngster. “It will help.”

“Thank you, Cap.” TK took the offered pills and nodded his head in thanks as Nancy passed him a bottle of water as well. He swallowed the pills and sighed. Without thinking he sat down on the couch, leaned back and closed his eyes.

Nancy frowned. She wanted to speak up but stopped when Captain Vega squeezed her arm.

“Not now,” Tommy whispered.

Nancy nodded. She pointed to the door and took her leave. She knew their captain would keep TK there until his headache subsided. She also knew Tommy would find out what was wrong with TK. Both of them had noticed how jumpy he’d become the past couple of days, and they were both worried.

Tommy took her seat behind her desk and kept herself busy with paperwork. She smiled when TK’s breathing finally evened out and the youngster drifted off to sleep. Only when she was sure he was sleeping soundly did she rise to her feet and exit her office. She made sure the door was securely closed behind her before she made her way to Owen's office. Something was wrong and she hoped the fire captain had some answers.

Owen looked up when Tommy entered his office. “Captain Vega, what can I do for you?”

“I normally ask my own team members what’s going on, but I have a feeling if I ask TK that question, he’s going to tell me nothing is wrong. So, I’ve decided to ask you.”

Owen sighed. “It’s not my story to tell.”

“And yet, I have to make sure my team is functioning properly.” She took a seat.

Owen closed his eyes for a few seconds. “The boys are having a rough time since the fire.”

Tommy cringed. The night of the fire was bad for all of them. But this wasn’t about her. This was about TK and by the sound of things, Carlos as well. “Nightmares?” She inquired.

Owen opened his eyes and nodded. “Carlos even more so than TK.”

Tommy nodded. “TK is desensitized in a manner of speaking because of his job. Carlos on the other hand, he’s not used to something like this.”

“Correct. But the thing is, with Carlos not sleeping, TK is not sleeping which creates a vicious circle for the two of them. I can’t tell you how many times I found them both seated in the living room staring blankly at the television set in an effort not to sleep so that they don’t dream.”

“Have you tried talking to them?”

Owen snorted. “Have you met the two of them? I swear I’ve never met anyone more stubborn than them.”

Tommy cocked her head. “I’m not so sure about that.”

Owen gave her a small smile.

“How is the apartment hunting going?”

Owen groaned.

“That bad?”

“Let’s just say that’s another bone of contention between them.”

“Aren’t they agreeing on what they want?” Tommy frowned. She was under the impression that Carlos and TK’s tastes were similar.

“No, no, it’s not that.” Owen stood up. He walked to the class window that gave him a look at the engine bay. “Carlos finds fault with each and every apartment or townhouse they go and have a look at.”

“In what way?” Tommy cocked her head. She had known Carlos for a long time. The young man was very easy going. She couldn’t think he’d be that stuck up when it came to finding a suitable place to live in.

“Safety wise. Nothing is good enough. And every time he brings up an issue with the apartment, TK sees it for himself and they discard the place as a possible option.”

“That is a problem.”

“You can say that again.” Owen turned away from the window. “I understand both the boys’ reactions but they are looking for something that’s perfect that doesn’t exist and it’s going to hurt them in the long run.”

“Maybe I should try talking to Carlos?”

“You won’t mind? I know you’ve known Carlos for a couple of years now.” Owen smiled at her.

Tommy wanted to respond but then the alarm sounded and the EMTs got called out. With a nod she left the office and jogged down the stairs. She was not surprised to see TK short on her heels and Nancy already sliding into the passenger seat of the rig.

“Are you feeling better?” She asked as they approached the ambulance.

“Thanks, Cap.” TK smiled.

Tommy nodded. TK had some more color in his face and his eyes didn’t appear glazed over any longer. She got into the back of the rig and strapped herself in as TK pulled out and sped off to their medical call.

2½ months after the fire

Carlos wiped the tears away angrily and rubbed his hand across his face in an attempt to get rid of any evidence that he had been crying. His emotions were all over the place. He knew it was because of the lack of sleep and the continued nightmares but it didn’t matter what he tried, nothing worked. He just had to sort things out on his own.

Tommy had tried to talk to him, but he’d brushed her concerns away. He was fine; except that he wasn’t. He knew that.

“Babe?” TK’s voice sounded through the closed door.

“Coming.” Carlos took a deep breath. He’d been hiding in the bathroom for almost ten minutes. He knew TK would come looking for him, but he thought he’d have more time to get himself under control.

“Are you okay?” TK spoke up again.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Carlos opened the door. He managed to smile although he knew TK could see right through him.

“Babe, you’re not fine.” TK reached out with his hand.

Carlos jerked away. “I said I’m fine, TK.” He immediately felt guilty when he saw the look on his boyfriend’s face. “I’m sorry.”

TK shook his head. “No worries. I understand.” He stepped away from the bathroom door. “Tommy and the team wanted to say goodbye, they are leaving.” He turned and made his way back down the stairs.

“TK,” Carlos called out. His shoulders sagged as the other man walked away without acknowledging him. Carlos knew he was messing things up between them. He knew he was messed up, but he was trying to sort things out. He just needed some time. Carlos made his way down the stairs and plastered a fake smile on his face when he stepped off the last stair. The 126 crew stood at the door.

“Thanks for coming over tonight.” He reached Nancy first and gave her a hug. He didn’t say a word when the paramedic held him a bit longer than normal. He stepped away and hugged the rest of the team as well. When TK walked them all out, he stayed behind and started cleaning the living room.

“We can do the rest tomorrow morning.” TK’s voice startled him, and Carlos dropped the glass he had in his hand. It shattered into pieces as it hit the tiles.

“Let me help,” TK moved forward.

“NO! I can do it myself,” Carlos barked and placed a bracing arm out to stop TK from stepping closer.

“Fine, then do it yourself!” TK snapped back.

Carlos looked on as TK stormed off. He opened his mouth to say he was sorry. TK was barefoot, he didn’t want him to step into any glass shards, but he’d screwed up. He looked down at his hands. They trembled and only stopped when he balled his fists. He picked up the large pieces of shards and then got the broom and swept the smaller pieces onto a piece of paper before he tossed it into the bin.

Knowing that TK would need time to calm down, he rinsed the dishes and placed them into the dishwasher. He wiped down the cabinets and went to the door to set the alarm. Mateo had gone to visit his parents and Owen was on a date. It was only the two of them at home.

Carlos switched off the kitchen light and turned to the stairs. He stopped in his tracks. He turned back to the door and checked the alarm for the second time. Carlos took some deep breaths.

He had tried to stop himself from re-checking the alarm multiple times but he never succeeded. He had to check it at least three times before he was satisfied that it was working properly and that it was set correctly. Only then could he move away. He tried to move to the stairs but found himself unable to do so. The mere thought of not checking the alarm for the third time made his breathing speed up and his palms sweat.

Carlos checked the alarm for the third time and felt the tension leaving his body as he could move to the stairs to the second floor. He came to a halt in the doorway to their room. TK was already in bed but the fact that he was facing the wall and the comforter pulled over his head made Carlos well aware of the fact that his boyfriend was still angry at him and not in the mood to talk. Carlos sighed. Maybe it would be better if he slept downstairs. He exited the room and made his way back to the living room.

He did not see as TK looked over his shoulder at his retreating form or the unfallen tears that glistened in TK’s eyes.

The following morning when Carlos woke up, TK had already left for his next twenty-four hour shift. His chest ached when he realized that TK had left without waking him up. It seemed that TK was still angry with him. He had to send TK a text and apologize for his behavior, but first he had to get up from the couch. Carlos groaned. Owen’s couch wasn’t made to sleep on through the night. He made his way up the stairs and decided on a long shower. Hopefully it would help to relax his muscles so that he could move more freely.

When he opened the chest of drawers to remove a pair of boxers, his eyes landed on a folded piece of paper. Carlos frowned as he picked it up and opened it. His heart melted when he read the words.

Carlos’ eyes burned. It seemed that TK had forgiven him for his actions last night. He really did have the best boyfriend. With a smile he got dressed and readied himself for the day ahead. He had a few errands to run, including a visit to his mom, and then he wanted to make a special dinner for TK, Owen and Mateo.

Everything went okay until he had to leave the house. It was then that all of his fears came crashing into him. He nearly panicked at the thought of leaving the house and when he finally made it outside, once again, he had to check the alarm system three times before he could get himself into the Camaro and drive off. He couldn’t ignore it anymore. There was something wrong with him. He had an idea what it was, but he had no idea how to handle it. And if the precinct found out - he would be benched, and that would mean the end of his career. He had to sort this out by himself, no one else could know. Ever.