Chapter Text
Part 1: The Boiling Rock
Azula drops like a stone, and you’re as surprised as anyone else.
You don’t remember moving behind her. You don’t remember giving your hands permission to act.
Across the platform, through the steam boiling off the volcanic lake, Mai’s eyes widen. You meet her startled gaze with a tremulous one of your own.
I don’t know what came over me , you mean to say, but nothing leaves your mouth except a shaky exhale.
Azula is screaming. Zuko and the Avatar are gone.
There is no going back. You’ve made your choice.
-
You sleep on a straw-filled mattress on a bare wooden cot in the Boiling Rock. The air is sweltering. The humidity is overwhelming. You watch, helpless, as your aura dims day after day from a pale, frazzled pink, to a dull, turbid grey. You sweat through your rags until they are stiff with salt and grime. Your long, beautiful hair goes unwashed. In time, your ribs begin to show.
“It could be worse,” Mai says, and you know what she means.
You could be hanging by your wrists in a dark cell, or dead, but you don’t care too much about that anymore. You only hope Azula’s alright. There’s no one left to watch out for her.
“We left her alone,” your murmur, scraping lines into the ash-caked concrete tiles in the yard.
“She gave us no choice,” Mai responds quietly. Her dry, disaffected tone is darker than you have ever heard it. You note a bit of burgundy tainting her dark aura.
“Didn’t she?”
“Do you hate Zuko that much?” Mai snaps, and recovers only when she catches sight of the stricken expression on your face. “Ty Lee.” Her hands grasp yours, stilling your frantic scraping. “The choices Azula makes are her own.”
Tears fill your eyes and dribble onto your dirty cheeks, like cups of rice wine overflowing onto the banquet tables of Ba Sing Se. You remember it like it was yesterday. Nothing burned brighter that night than Azula’s golden glare.
“But…” Your bottom lips trembles. “But the Fire Lord-“
“Ozai raised Zuko, too, and only one of them tried to kill us.”
Fear and shame squeeze tight around your throat like the coil of a noose, and you are finally too overcome to respond. It takes several minutes and Mai’s soothing strokes on your spine to grit out the words you’ve been whispering to yourself every night.
“She didn’t mean it. She didn’t really mean it. You know she didn’t mean it.”
“I’m not sure what Azula means or doesn’t mean anymore,” Mai replies bitterly, and something fractures in your chest.
You dissolve right there in front of her on the pavement.
-
This time you fall and no one catches you. Mai would, you think, if she weren’t somewhere deep and dark. There are rings under her eyes and her skin is the color of old, melting snow. You reach for her when you can, when you have the wherewithal, but it isn’t often enough, and you don’t know what to say to make it better.
You lie next to her on her bunk on the last night of your fourth week and cry, gritty fingers intertwined with hers.
“Ty Lee,” she sighs, when the silver moonlight passes through the barred window on the wall. “It’s late.”
You tremble and rip your hand away. A great bitterness rises up in you, rearing its ferocious head like the burning dragons of old. Its bite is sharp and unfamiliar. Heretofore there has been no place for rage in your heart. Heretofore you were only sweet, innocent Ty Lee, one expendable sister among seven, always pretty, but never bright, graced with a bottomless well of optimism and a free spirit.
They all underestimated you.
They all underestimated you and you let them.
“I saved both your lives,” you croak, angrily. “Azula never would’ve forgiven herself for killing you, and there’s no way you would’ve survived that fight.”
Mai’s breath catches at your side.
You wipe your eyes on your ragged sleeve and pull yourself upright. “ I saved both of you. Me , the stupid one , and what do I get as thanks?”
Mai shifts behind you. “Ty Lee-“
“-I’m not a helpless child!” Your voice rises, bouncing off the walls, and it’ll likely attract the attention of the guards, but Mai makes no move to stop you. “I’m not a simpleton! I’m not a circus freak! I never was! Don’t any of you get that?! Just because I’m not mean like you, and Zuko, and Azula doesn’t mean I’m an idiot!”
Her fingers grasp yours again, lacing tight, and you shiver. Just as suddenly as it came on, all the fight goes out of you.
“I only did everything that was asked of me,” you whisper, words thick with tears. “I only tried to make everyone happy.”
Mai toys with the pads of your fingers, tugging you back gently onto the cot. You oblige, because you’re tired, and lonely, and admittedly very bad at being stubborn. She pulls you closer against her side, sifting her fingers into your greasy hair. Your lashes flutter as they close.
“I’m sorry, Ty.”
You sling an arm around her waist and squeeze. “It’s not your fault.”
You’re silent together for a long stretch of time, during which there is only the distant echo of an iron door slamming and the click of a guard’s boots striding past.
“You know… you don’t have to try so hard to make people happy,” she says.
You blink slowly, pulling yourself back from the brink of sleep. “Huh?”
Mai’s voice sounds as thick as a badgerfrog’s croak. “It’s not your job to make her happy.”
Your stomach clenches. “Yeah, well, I failed pretty miserably at that anyway.”
“You did your best,” Mai says, and you think she might cry. The thought uproots something deep inside you. “You always did your best. If you couldn’t make her happy, I don’t think anything will.”
You reach up to cup her cheek and feel hot tears carving riverbeds through the grit. “I’m glad I saved you, Mai.”
Mai chokes on a laugh, body shuddering against yours as it turns to a sob. “I’m sorry she made you choose.”
You squeeze your eyes shut. “Me too.”
-
They look different without their costumes and their makeup, but you recognize them instantly. You find them practicing together in the courtyard one day after morning chores, when the air is cooler and the sun hasn’t yet crested the lip of the crater.
“I never thought I’d see you here,” one of the girls says.
Her name is Jing Hua. The others treat her like they used to treat Suki, before she escaped with the cute water tribe boy and the Avatar.
“I never thought I’d be here either,” you say, sheepishly, lowering your gaze.
Jing Hua’s dirty sandals scuff a little closer, directly into your line of sight. “You’re a skilled combatant,” she says, and you recognize the note of respect in her voice. “Why would Princess Azula waste your talents by throwing you in here?”
“Azula only cares about my talents when I do what she says.”
Jing Hua barks a laugh and you glance up in surprise.
“What’s your name?”
“T-Ty Lee?”
“Is that a question?”
You shake your head earnestly.
Jing Hua tilts her head to one side, and you notice, not for the first time, that she is really very pretty under all the dirt and grime. Her hair is pitch dark and shiny like the boiling tar pits of Hing Wa Island. Her cheeks are slightly hollowed and her jawline is as sharp as the crater’s razor edge, but there are no golden eyes flickering behind her long lashes. Instead, twin pools of mossy green blink back at you. It is pleasantly jarring.
“Would you like to practice with us?”
Your heart skips a beat. “Really?”
She smiles, and it’s so warm. Clever and sharp. Familiar, but not. You can feel the lightest tint of pink returning to the edges of your aura.
She nods once. “Really.”
“I’d love to!” you chirp, breathless with excitement, but you don’t care how desperate you seem.
You moved beyond shame ages ago.
Jing Hua extends a hand down to you, and you take it. She’s the first person you’ve touched who isn’t Mai, Azula, or a prison guard in months, and it sends a ripple of energy shivering up your spine. There’s a new spring in your step as you hop to your feet, grinning widely.
“Thank you,” you tell her, quietly. “I’m sorry we attacked you.”
Jing Hua’s beautiful eyes cloud for a moment, then clear. “We were at war,” she replies briskly, and you nod in agreement.
Perhaps it’s best to just leave it at that.
-
“Don’t pretend you didn’t like it,” Mai says, stirring her bowl of brackish stew. “You’re no Azula, but you enjoyed the thrill of fighting just as much as we did.”
Strands of thick, brown hair whip through your fingers as you braid it back. The guards cut it shorter when they processed you, but it’s starting to grow out again. Azula once said your hair was the prettiest in the whole class, right before she stuck the end of your perfect whale tail in a well of black ink.
“It was different when good people got hurt,” you say, tying off the end. “I always felt uneasy about that.”
“They were all good people, Ty.”
“Then it’s my fault for not realizing that sooner.” You pick up your crude spoon and Mai looks over at you in surprise. “I was content to follow Azula’s orders. That’s what I was always taught to do, you know? Royalty is royalty. You don’t question the princess. I trusted her implicitly.”
“What changed?” Mai asks, food forgotten.
You frown into your stew and think on it for a minute. “Azula.”
Your spoon dips beneath the surface, sinking to the bottom and reemerging with a sallow chunk of potato. It tastes alright. Better than it looks. You wonder if the princess takes any solace in the suffering she’s inflicted on you, or if she doesn’t really think of you at all.
“She became…cruel.”
“Are you serious?” Mai scoffs. “Azula was always cruel.”
“Not to us,” you mutter. “She was mean sometimes, but never cruel.”
Mai sighs.
“She always made it up to me,” you say, and you’re not even sure why you’re insisting so hard on this, but somewhere, deep down, where the words end and the feelings begin, you know you’re right. “When she did mean stuff, she felt a little bad. I could tell. And then, one day, she stopped feeling bad.”
Mai purses her lips, but she doesn’t respond for a long minute. “…You might be right,” she admits.
You nod, and shovel another bite of stew into your mouth. It’s spicy and sour, filled with vinegar and stale pepper to disguise the flavor of old vegetables. Your stomach has hardened up considerably in the last six weeks.
You swallow, and Mai follows suit with a bite of her own. She grimaces for a moment, then pulls a chunk of what might have been turnip out of her mouth. She casts it away with a flick of her wrist.
“Disgusting.”
“Can you imagine what Azula would say about the food if she was here?” you ask wryly, and Mai’s lips twitch.
“She would burn this place to the ground.”
“Yeah.” Your brow furrows. “She was always so scary.”
“Incredible power will do that to a person.” Mai shrugs. “Let’s talk about something other than Azula for once.”
You blush. “Okay.”
“These Kyoshi Warriors. You like them?”
Your mood brightens considerably. “Yeah! They’re all so nice, Mai! You should practice with us!”
“I’m content to watch,” she says, but the ghost of a smile paints her lips, and you very nearly hug her out of sheer relief. “I’m glad you found something that makes you happy, Ty. You deserve it.”
This time you do hug her. Fat tears roll down your face and soak into the shoulder of her tattered tunic. You body shakes and heaves. You’re not sure if you’re too happy or too sad, just that you kind of feel everything, and it feels good to hold her for a minute.
“Hey, hey,” Mai’s fingers stroke your back, “it’s gonna be okay.”
“I- I know,” you breathe, and hope rushes into your lungs like wind filling a sail. “I know.”
Mai’s eyes are wide as you pull away. “Are you alright?”
“Yeah.” You blink and straighten your posture, testing this new, weightless feeling. “I feel better than I’ve felt in months.”
Mai looks at you in wonder. “You are frighteningly resilient.”
“Thank you!” You smile at her. “You’re just frightening.”
Mai pokes your ribs. “Hey!”
“Just kidding!” You gather her into your arms again. “I’m so glad I saved your life.”
Mai chuckles. “Me, too.”
-
“This way.”
Jing Hua beckons to you over her shoulder and slides around a corner. You whip around behind her and jerk to a stop when you find her pressed against the wall, a finger to her lips.
“Jing Hua,” you whisper, tugging on her sleeve. “Where are we going?”
Her green eyes flash in the low lantern light as she turns to look at you. “You’ll see.”
A pout puckers your lips, but she only smiles, cheeks dimpling, and leans in to press a feather-light kiss to the corner of your mouth. Goosebumps erupt on your arms and chest. You gape at her, wide-eyed, and try to remember the last time anything felt so good.
“Sorry.” Her gaze flicks back up to yours. She looks as winded as you feel. “I’ve been wanting to do that all day.”
You blink at her in surprise. “R-really?”
She swallows heavily and nods. You watch the muscles in her throat work with a newfound fascination. Her skin is smooth and pale, and you like it better without the ghostly white makeup, but you don’t tell her that. You’re not sure how far you should push this. No one has ever understood your fascination with girls before.
No one except Azula.
You’re just like me, Ty Lee, aren’t you?
Jing Hua exhales roughly and cranes her neck off down the gloomy corridor. You wait with bated breath. It feels so natural to fall into this rhythm again, trusting, following, waiting for the signal to act. A cool, clammy hand grips yours, and your heart leaps into your throat.
“Come on.”
She tugs, and you peel your back off the damp, stone wall to hurry after her. You move with the stealth and agility of fire sprites, creeping past empty, darkened cells.
“This wing is empty,” she whispers, at the next corner. “But with the war on, I’m sure it’ll be filled up soon.”
She peeks around the wall with narrowed eyes, then nods. “All clear.”
Her fingers squeeze yours, sending a pulse of energy straight up your arm, and you find yourself pulled into a small, concrete atrium filled with towering wooden crates and empty pallets. A metal staircase climbs up, switchback, to the floors above. To your right, a metal door has been rolled down and locked shut. Most of the lanterns lining the walls have gone dark. The room is steeped in shadows.
Jing Hua checks one last time to make sure the coast is clear, then crouches down, and pulls you through the maze of boxes to a cramped space beneath the double-wide stairwell. It’s obscured two-fold from passing eyes by the darkness and the haphazard stacks of crates, but Jing Hua takes no chances. She pushes you back against the wall, hand against your shoulder, and takes a minute to listen before speaking again.
“…So,” her eyes slide to yours, glittering like dark emeralds, “what do you think?”
You swallow past the stone lodged in your throat. Her face is very close. You can see the sweat glittering on her sharp collar bones. Jing Hua is all angles, lacking the desirable, plump curves of most girls her age, but you find it dizzyingly attractive.
You lick your lips, and her gaze dips to watch.
“Why did you bring me here?” you whisper.
You have to be sure.
Her teeth gnaw on the inside of her cheek, and suddenly, she can’t quite look at you. “I thought, maybe, we could…get to know each other a little better.”
Your heart thuds hard in your chest. Blood begins to pulse in your fingers and your ears, and you tremble. It has been a long time since you were touched in any kind of romantic way. Azula was always so jealous, driving off any boy who dared come near you, and Mai has prudently ignored every one of your desperate hints since you found yourself imprisoned here.
“I- I think…” you pause to suck in a shaky breath, “I’d like that.”
She smiles. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
A beat of silence passes between you, and your confidence falters. You’ve never done this with a girl before, despite your furtive curiosity. Fortunately, Jing Hua seems to have confidence enough for both of you. She leans in, slowly, giving you ample time to refuse. Your breath catches, lashes fluttering. You gaze dips to the curve of her plump, pink mouth, glistening like the glossy sugar glaze on a red, candied apple.
A fire ignites in your belly. You can’t wait anymore.
Your hand darts out, fists in the front of her shirt, and pulls her flush against your body. Jing Hua gasps, but her grip finds your waist, and her mouth finds the curve of your jaw. You tip your head back, allowing her access. She stamps a hot kiss into your pulse point. You moan, and her fingers dart up to press firmly against your lips.
Quietly then. You nod. You can do quiet. Azula used to tease her nails over your back in the silence of your shared tent, digging in hard and dagger-sharp if you let slip even the slightest sound.
Don’t wake Mai.
Teeth nip clumsily and you twitch, pulling her closer. Your hands abandon the front of Jing Hua’s shirt to slide up and cup her cheeks. Your thumbs stroke over her ears, eliciting a shiver.
“Can I kiss you, Ty Lee?” A breathless question uttered against your jaw, more plea than request, and you prickle hot and cold all over, because no one has ever pleaded with you for something like this before. People take what they want from you. This is a power you’ve never learned to wield.
“Ty Lee?”
“Y-yes,” you stammer, nervous and excited. Jing Hua doesn’t waste another moment.
A warm mouth melts against yours.
This time, when you moan, she forgets to silence you.
-
“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were sneaking around with that Kyoshi girl,” Mai says suspiciously, watching you fix your hair.
The sun is streaming through the barred window in your cell, and the August heat is sweltering. Sozin’s Comet will arrive in just over a week’s time.
“I’d say you didn’t know any better,” you toss back. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, there’s a very cute Earth Nation boy waiting for me.”
“I haven’t seen you talking to any Earth Nation boys.”
You don’t risk saying anything more, just throw her a flirty wink over your shoulder as you leave.
Jing Hua meets you under the stairs.
“Did anyone see you?”
You kiss her desperately, running your hands over her body. “Just Mai.”
Jing Hua’s hips jump when you dig your fingers into her back. “W-will- ah! Will she turn us in?”
You shake your head, braid swishing back and forth. Your mouth is busy with her beautiful collar bones. You yank her tunic to one side and get to work adding another mark to the fading collection of coin-sized bruises on her chest. Jing Hua’s fingers fist in your hair, concerns forgotten.
All but the most monosyllabic speech eludes her for the next half hour.
-
Mai studies the comet from her place in the courtyard. It’s too hot to practice, and the two of you have settled for lounging on your backs with the rest of the Kyoshi Warriors. Jing Hua keeps a careful distance, the only foolproof way to ensure your greedy hands don’t accidentally start to wander.
“I’m betrothed to a boy back home,” she’d whispered to you the week before, sweat beading along her hairline in the dark. “If any of the girls find out about us, it could be bad for my family.”
You glance around at the sparsely populated courtyard. The guards locked all the firebenders away in the freezer hours ago, and you are glad, for once, to be powerless, if only to witness the sight overhead. The sky has turned a stunning ruby red. By this time tomorrow, the war will be all but over, and the Fire Nation will be victorious. The thought used to make you happy, but it doesn’t really affect you one way or the other anymore, so you don’t care.
“I saw you got a letter from your parents,” Mai says, twirling a lock of hair idly around her finger. “Did they finally realize you were missing?”
You smile. “They’ve known all along.”
Mai hums. “I ‘spose there would’ve been an empty plate at the dinner table.”
You nod.
Mai rolls over onto her stomach. “So, what? They just didn’t care?”
You tap a finger against your lips, and catch Jing Hua watching you from the corner of your eye. You suck the tip ever so slightly into your mouth, smiling when she turns away sharply, cheeks flushed.
“Mmm…” Your gaze returns to the blazing sky. “It’s more like, they figured I was still off with the circus.”
“And they were okay with that?”
“Well, not exactly, but they gave up trying to find me, and anyway, Azula sent them a letter from Ba Sing Se to let them know where I was.”
Mai arches a brow. “ Azula did that?”
Your smile brightens. “Yeah.”
Mai studies you for several seconds, and you can tell she’s trying to work something out by the way her brows knit together, but she doesn’t press. Instead she changes the subject.
“Your birthday just passed, didn’t it?”
You blink at her in surprise. “Yeah.”
“I’m sorry I missed it.”
“Oh.” You blink again. “It’s okay. I don’t expect people to remember it.”
A pained expression crosses Mai’s face, and she turns over onto her back. “You should.” She pauses. “Happy Birthday, Ty.”
A warm feeling flickers in your chest, and you grin over at her. “Thanks, Mai!” You roll closer and kiss her cheek, and across the circle of chattering girls, you see Jing Hua stiffen.
You pull away when Mai glares at you. “What was that for?”
“For my best friend,” you chirp, and her glare deepens for a moment, before smoothing into something pleasantly neutral.
“You know, I’m glad we’re in here together,” she says.
You scooch a little closer to her on the ground, and she doesn’t squirm away.
-
Word eventually reaches the prison that the war has ended, but when the guards change the banners, and Mai’s uncle, the warden, proclaims the impending coronation of Fire Lord Zuko, a cheer goes up from the ragged crowd gathered in the courtyard. Mai cries for the only the third time since you arrived at the Boiling Rock, and you cradle her in your arms, feeling as though you’ve aged several years in the span of several months. You’re 15 going on 30 as you board a metal steamship bound for Capital City. Summer has finally tilted over into autumn, and the skies are crisp and clear all the way down to the seamless, blue horizon.
“Have you thought about what you’re going to do now?” Jing Hua asks.
You perch together against the railing at the back of the ship, watching a scorched archipelago of volcanic islands drift past. The dirt and grime have been scrubbed from your body. Your hair has been washed and combed for the first time in months. You’re back in your old clothes, but the pink and rose silks don’t really fit you anymore, and not only because you’ve lost weight.
Beside you, Jing Hua looks comparatively elegant in her green and black armor. You’ve braided her hair in a swooping knot that spirals around the back of her head. She looks even lovelier than you thought possible. Her high, hollowed cheekbones are flushed in the sun. Her green eyes are the color of young kelp. You lean in close to brush her ear with your nose, and she glances around furtively to make sure no one has seen.
“Careful,” she warns, bending low to meet your eyes.
“Sorry,” you murmur, but you don’t feel very sorry. You never feel very sorry lately.
Jing Hua’s shoulders relax. “Do you know what you’re going to do once we get to the capital?”
You shrug. “I hadn’t really thought about it.”
“Will you go back home?”
You wrinkle your nose. After everything you’ve been through in the last year (joining the circus, re joining Azula, bringing down Ba Sing Se, taking on the Avatar, surviving in prison) the thought of living under the same roof with your parents seems even more unpleasant than it did when you initially struck out on your own. You’re not quite an adult, but you’ve experienced more in your short adolescence than many people experience in a lifetime, and that has to count for something.
“Probably not,” you say, expression pinching, and Jing Hua laughs.
“Wow. What a face.”
“My parents will just try to marry me off.” You slump over the railing and stare down glumly at the ship’s massive, roiling wake. “Probably to get the best match they can before I totally ruin my reputation.”
“Isn’t your reputation kind of already ruined?”
You roll your eyes, but still grin at her. You can’t stay mad.
Jing Hua sighs and mirrors you, shoulders hunched, chin resting on her forearms. “My mom was thrilled when they finalized the details of my marriage contract. She said we were lucky because our family would never go hungry.”
“Well, it’s nice to have plenty of food,” you offer, trying for levity.
“More like plenty of fish. He’s a fisherman’s son, and he smells like it, too.” Jing Hua sticks out her tongue, and you grimace.
“Maybe you’ll get used to it?”
She glances sidelong at you, expression sly. “Even if I do, I think I’ll always prefer the smell of cinnamon.”
It takes you a few seconds of vacant blinking to realize she’s talking about you, and then several more before you can think clearly over the flustered tangle of thoughts in your head. Your cheeks burn hot as she slides two fingers along the top of your wrist, drawing them up your forearm and into your loose sleeve.
“Why don’t you join the Kyoshi Warriors?”
You swallow thickly. “Really?”
Jing Hua shrugs. She makes it look elegant. “Why not? What’ve you got to lose?”
You think on it. “Nothing, I guess.”
“You’re good at combat, you’re flexible ,” her eyes turn mischievous as they survey the length of your body, “and you’ve got a chi blocking technique that none of us know. You could teach us.”
“Me,” you mutter, “a Kyoshi warrior...”
“Stranger things have happened.”
About that there can be absolutely no doubt.
“Do you really think the girls will let me join? I’m Fire Nation, and… Well, you know.”
Jing Hua bumps you with her elbow, and smiles. “Ty, they love you.”
“But-“
“The war is over.”
A knot that has been sitting in the center of your chest for as long as you can remember finally loosens, and you repeat her words back to her in awe. “The war is over.”
She laughs. “It’s finally over.”
A toothy smile stretches your mouth as wide as a flying bison’s, and your aura flashes a vibrant, electric pink. “Okay! I’ll join!”
Jing Hua straightens up. “You will?”
“Yes!”
She grabs your hand and kisses your knuckles while you giggle. “I can’t wait for you to meet Suki. You’re gonna love her.”
“I did technically meet her once.”
“I mean actually meet her, not just beat her up and tie her to a tree.”
You wilt a bit. “Sorry about that.”
“It’s okay, Ty. You were under orders.”
Jing Hua’s green eyes flick up and hold yours captive for several breathless seconds. Her touch on your hand turns heavy and warm. You are suddenly all too aware of the proximity of her body, and of the rather inconsequential amount of effort it would take on your part to lean forward and close the gap between hers and yours.
“I really want to kiss you right now,” you whisper, loud enough to be heard over the brisk wind.
Jing Hua’s grip tightens on your hand. “…I know a place.”
Your lashes flutter. “Is it dark?
She nods wordlessly, sucking her bottom lip between her teeth.
“Is it quiet?”
Another nod.
“Well,” you purr, silky and suggestive, “what are you waiting for?”
Jing Hua looks just moments from agreeing, until harsh voices carry over from the starboard side. Two Fire Nation guards round the corner, and she drops your hand like the handle of a scalding pan. You try to disguise your hurt with a sheepish smile, but the panic on Jing Hua’s face drives a cold spike of dread straight through your chest.
“Sorry, it’s just…” She touches her throat. “This should probably be the last time.”
“The last time? Why?”
“We’re going home. We’re not prisoners anymore.”
“So?”
“So, if we get caught we could get in trouble. People will actually be paying attention to us now. People will care what we do.”
You turn away from her. You can’t even look at her. Your aura throbs a jaundiced yellow-green and you’re starting to feel sick.
“This c-can’t-“ she sucks in a breath. “This has to end. We have to grow up. We have responsibilities now.”
You cross your arms over your chest and straighten your spine. “Fine.”
“Ty Lee-“
“It’s fine. I get it. You can stop talking about it now.”
Jing Hua draws back. “I’m sorry. I figured we both knew this had a hard expiration date. We’re going back to our real lives, and…” she trails off, but you can finish her sentence easily enough.
“And you’re engaged,” you say, flatly.
“Yeah.” She sounds meeker than a lava mouse.
“To the boy who smells like fish.”
The bitterness in your voice is palpable, and Jing Hua looks stricken. A jealous beast growls from some deep, dark crevice inside you. You can be petty if you want to, and right now, you really, really want to.
“You know I don’t have a choice,” she whispers, utterly deflated.
You whirl on her with a face full of thunder. “Yes, you do! No one can force you to marry someone against your will!” You poke her sternum. “The war is over, remember? Isn’t that what you just said? ”
She gives you a sad, broken smile, the sort that curls down at the edges and wobbles in the center. “You’re nobility, though, Ty.”
You scowl at her. “What’s that got to do with anything? I ran away to the circus when I was 13.”
Jing Hua reaches out to touch your arm, and you let her. You want her. You want to feel her, all of her. Even like this, with this agonizing gulf expanding between you.
“I’m poor.” She glances up to see if you’re following along, but you’re only confused, so she continues. “Your family is wealthy. You don’t have to worry about whether they have a roof over their heads or whether they have enough to eat. You can leave them behind and join the circus or travel the world because you know, no matter what happens to you, they’ll be fine. But I don’t have that luxury. This marriage contract isn’t just about me. It’s about my whole family.”
Jing Hua’s gaze drops away, ashamed, and a prickly feeling climbs up your spine. You blink, surprised to find tears in your eyes. You feel like a rat in a trap, like you’ve run into a dead end.
“I’m sorry,” you mutter, dully. “I didn’t know.”
Jing Hua breaks down into tears, and your stomach aches. This is not the outcome you’d intended when you let your anger off its leash. You never did understand how Azula could stand to watch people cry. Your mouth is drier than hot sand. Your heart beats too fast, and each pulse burns with an agony that is frighteningly familiar.
“Jing Hua,” you clutch at her armored shoulder, “I’m sorry, I was just being selfish.”
Jing Hua opens her mouth to speak, but she can’t force anything out. It just hangs open like a dead fish, useless, wordless. You can’t handle it.
Without pausing to think about prying eyes, you reach out and pull her into your arms. She comes willingly. Your heart sighs with relief. She’s warm and clean, and just the right height, just tall enough that your face slots perfectly into the crook of her neck. It’s all you’ve been thinking about since she brought you out here, and you hate every single inch of armor that comes between you. You want to rip it off of her, plate by metal plate. You want to press your bodies together until they mold into one.
“It’ll be okay,” you murmur, next to her ear, fingers rubbing the nape of her neck. “We’ll stay friends. We’ll figure it out.”
“I know, but I don’t want to be friends,” Jing Hua whispers.
You can’t help your honesty. “Me neither.”
“I wish it didn’t have to be like this.”
Your eyes slip shut, leaking tears onto the high collar of her green dress. Your chest hurts. You wonder, distantly, whether you’ve traded one prison for another.
-
“It’s late, Ty Lee,” Mai murmurs, when you crawl into her narrow bunk.
“I know. I’m sorry.”
You press your forehead against her spine, and for a few minutes you think that’ll be the end of it, but then she’s rolling over to face you, and you find you don’t quite know what to say.
“Is everything alright?” she whispers, eyes tracing your expression in the dim lantern light.
You blink back at her, feelings muddied. Your skin is sticky and your heart is bruised. She reaches out to brush your messy bangs from your forehead, and just like that, like the flick of a match, your torrid feelings drain away, and all that’s left of the agony is a hollow pit.
“Did you make friends with one of the soldiers?” she prods, gently. “Maybe a little faster than you would’ve liked?”
You can’t bring yourself to meet her gaze. “Something like that.”
“Do you need me to stab someone?”
You rub at your left eye with the heel of your hand, surprised to feel more tears burning around the edges of your vision. “I don’t think stabbing will help this time, actually.”
Mai falls silent, and you curl a little closer to her, bending into her warmth. “You know you can tell me anything, right?”
You sigh out once, short and punctual. “I think I just lost my virginity in a broom closet.”
“...Oh.” Mai pauses. “You think?”
“Yeah.”
“...Well?”
“It was fine. Good. It was good.”
“Then why are you crying?”
You shrug.
Mai’s next question holds a genuine note of curiosity. “Did it hurt?”
You squeeze your eyes shut a little tighter and try to erase Jing Hua’s tear-streaked face from your memory. A lump rises in your throat. A sore ache throbs between your legs.
“Yeah,” you mutter, and promptly turn over onto your other side.
-
Mai slaps Zuko on sight.
“You bastard!”
Her shriek carries across the courtyard, and several platoons of royal guards look on in uncertainty as he drags her, kicking and screaming, into a full-bodied hug.
“I missed you so much, Mai.”
“I’ll kill you, you bastard!”
Ten seconds later they are suctioned to each other’s faces like a pair of purple pentapi.
“I didn’t know she had it in her,” an amused voice says, and you turn to find Suki standing beside you in an elegant ruby dress. “The way Zuko described her she always sounded so monotone and blah.”
It takes you a second to respond. Honest surprise steals the words from your mouth. The last time you saw Suki she was chained and unconscious in the arms of a Fire Nation soldier.
“Mai only cares about like, four or five people, tops,” you say, after a moment, “but Zuko is one of them.”
Suki laughs, and you smile back at her. The action feels a bit forced. You’re back in the city of your birth, watching a messy reunion between two of your oldest friends and you should be ecstatic, but you’re not. You’re tired, heartbroken, and thin, and nothing is the same. Ozai is in prison, the Avatar is circling the caldera on his glider, and there are scorch marks on the palace courtyard.
You’ve never felt anyone’s absence as keenly as you feel Princess Azula’s right now.
“So...” Suki turns away from the spectacle on the terrace. “My second in command tells me you’d make a pretty good Kyoshi Warrior.”
Your eyes widen in surprise. You’d assumed, after the messy break up and even messier sex, that Jing Hua had rescinded her offer, but Suki is smiling at you like a friend, and suddenly you don’t feel quite so adrift.
“I’d love to join,” you gush, then immediately blush, tamping down a bit on your reckless enthusiasm. “I mean, if you’re offering?”
Suki’s smile turns sly. “I’m considering it.”
“I’m a fully trained combat specialist,” you blurt quickly, “and I could teach you guys my chi-blocking technique! And I’m totally not evil anymore so you don’t have to worry about that-”
“-Ty Lee.”
You stop mid ramble. “Yeah?”
“Would you like to join the Kyoshi Warriors?”
Your heartbeat lurches once, then smooths into a quick, light pulse. “Really? You mean it?”
Suki grins. “I really mean it.”
“Then, yes!” You throw your arms around her, and her shoulders stiffen for only a second before she returns the hug. “Thank you so much!”
She pulls away and keeps a hand clasped on your shoulder. “Do you know all the forms?”
You straighten up like a soldier at morning inspection. “Yes!”
“Do you know our creed?”
“I…” you blink. “Um.”
“That’s fine. I’ll teach you later.”
“Okay!”
“We’ll be here in Capital City for a little while. Zuko needs a force of politically neutral bodyguards to watch his back until everything settles down. In between deployments, however, we live and train on Kyoshi Island, okay?”
You glance over your shoulder to see that Mai and Zuko are back to arguing, this time in hushed tones. “It’s not like I really have anything to stay here for.”
Suki follows your line of sight. “Katara told me about the Agni Kai. I was sorry to hear about the princess.”
“No, you weren’t.” You smile sadly. “But it’s okay. I don’t blame you for not liking her.”
“She was your friend,” Suki tries.
“She was,” you agree, and roll your shoulders, shrugging off the weight of obligation that’s been sitting on them for so long, “but the choices she made were her own.”
Suki lets it go, lets her hand fall to her side. “I’m having dinner with the girls tonight at a restaurant by the harbor... Do you want to join?”
“I’d love to, except....” You sigh and roll your eyes. “I should probably go see my family. I’ve been putting it off.”
“I wouldn’t want to keep you from your family,” Suki says, “but tomorrow I want you outside my quarters at eight sharp. We have to get you fitted for new armor.”
A broad grin takes over your face and you hop excitedly on the balls of your feet. “Okay! See you tomorrow!”
Suki waves and strolls off into the palace. You watch her go with a smile on your face. It hurts still when you think about all that’s changed in just a few short months, but you suppose that’s what the adults have been trying to tell you all your life. Nothing stays the same for long. Seasons change and the years roll on into a misty future.
A wave of renewed determination washes over you.
You’ve always been good at rolling with the punches. If you could survive Azula, you’ll survive this, too, and when the ache fades, maybe, finally, there will be some space in your heart for something new.
-