Archive of Our Own

Kim does his best to keep his upbringing at bay.

He’s not necessarily proud of how he grew up, it’s his own burden to bear and no one else’s. Even so, while it may remain a secret to those around him how exactly he became the person he is, it doesn't mean that it changed who he is. He can try and smother the person that was forged from violence since he was born but it hardly works that way. It’s almost like there is a part of himself that he doesn’t have under complete control, only rearing it’s ugly head in situations that call for it. 

There are moments though when a part of him is grateful for the person he is. 

Grateful for the way he is able to handle certain situations that would have others second guessing themselves. 

Grateful that he is untouchable in certain ways. 

There are of course, also cons of his life. 

Like tonight. 

“What’s going on tonight?” Kim asks as he lounges lazily against the velvet couch. 

Big, who for the most part keeps to himself glances over at him with a passive look. “Just the usual. I think there is some university event going on today.” 

Kim hums, rather uninterested. While he is in university, he hardly keeps up with what is going on around campus. He doesn’t have the time to attend anything his university has to offer, unless it’s something Kinn needs him to do. A small part of him wishes he was able to live like all of the people around him, not having to care about anything other than when their next paper is due or getting a job they will hate in a few years. To live a normal life sounds boring though but maybe that’s only because he doesn’t even know what being normal really entails. 

“We won’t stay long,” Kim says as he stands, making his way over the railing. 

He just wants to go home and not be bothered for a while. The last job he did for Kinn did a number on his body and he can feel it in the way his muscles ache slightly as he moves. It’s not unbearable by any means and it all comes with the job of being the brother to physically handle things when the situation calls for it. 

He leans forward, talking a look at the sea of drunken people trying to forget the stresses of their every day lives. At this angle he is able to get a full view of the club. The music is loud, the lights are annoyingly neon and Kim really wants to go the fuck home. He knows that he can’t just yet though, it’s still to early in the night and he needs to make his weekly appearance for the sake of business. It doesn’t make it any less irritating though. Just as he is about to turn back around and fall back into the plushness of the couch, the sight of blue hair sitting atop of a very pretty head catches his eye. Kim inches closer, wanting to catch a clearer look at the boy with the blue hair but his vision is obstructed by a rather burly man stepping up behind the pretty boy. Kim watches the interaction intently, not wanting to react before he has a full grasp on the situation in front of him. 

For all he knows the kid could be out with his brother or relative and frankly it’s none of Kim’s concern — except when he catches the pretty boy's face contorting in fear he decides that he is going to make it his buisness. He watches for a few moments, gauging if the situation is one that he wants to interfere in but the moment the man encroaches closer into the pretty boy’s space all reason goes out the window. Kim is making his way down the stairs before any of his guards can stop him to ask where he is going. He knows they follow him down the stairs though, ready to do anything that he may need. 

Kim maneuvers himself easily through the crowd, seeing as most people typically step away as he approaches, knowing that he is someone to not interact with unless approached first. There are still a few who take the chance anyways, women and men alike who are attracted to the idea of him and while normally he may entertain a few of them, tonight is no such night. He only has one thing on his mind and it’s a nameless beauty he knows he has never seen before. 

When Kim gets close enough, he’s able to make out pretty boy clearly saying ‘ no’ and that’s all he needs to hear to intervene without a second thought. Kim makes his way closer, fists clenching at his side as he approaches the two of them. He can feel Big right behind him, his hand undoubtedly on his gun and ready for whatever Kim decides to make. 

“Come on, let me just take you home I promise you will enjoy it,” The man says as he grabs the pretty boy’s arm roughly. 

Kim doesn’t know why but he sees red the moment the pretty boy looks around desperately, eyes almost begging for someone to help him. Maybe it’s because he hates people who take advantage of others. Maybe it’s because the blue haired boy is the most beautiful person he’s ever encountered. Maybe it’s a bit of both. 

Kim grabs the man’s hand, yanking him off of the boy before he can say anything else. The man whips his head around, looking at Kim with a pinched expression, obviously pissed off by the unwarranted interruption. 

“Touch him again.” Kim knows that he has never been one for patience — it’s going to get him in trouble one day but today is no such day. “And I’ll fucking break every finger you have one by one.”

The man sizes him up, looking up and down his body as he tries to decide if he was worth the fight. Kim marvels at the fact that he is often underestimated due to his overall appearance. He wonders if this man will be one of those that sees him as nothing more than a pretty face. A part of him hopes so, it’s been an agonizingly long day and he’s almost itching to blow off some steam. 

He drops the pretty boy’s shoulder, shoving him roughly away from him, causing the boy to stumble slightly before he is able to catch his footing. Kim clenches his jaw at that, feeling anger arise from seemingly nowhere. 

Strike one.

He really can’t explain why this man fucking with this random stranger is putting him so on edge but it is. Normally he wouldn’t intervene, not unless the situation was dire but even then he would have sent one of his men to do his bidding instead of himself. 

“You think you can handle me?” The man says, words slurring in his obvious drunken haze. 

It’s strike two. 

Kim smiles, the action almost unnatural for him. “Would you like to find out?”

The man doesn’t answer but he does throw a sloppy swing in his direction, to which Kim dodges easily. He holds a hand up, signaling his guards not to intervene unless absolutely necessary. He shrugs off his leather jacket and gives it to the pretty boy who is now looking at the situation unfold with wide eyes. The boy looks at the jacket for a second before he grabs it without needing to be told.

Good boy . 

Kim turns back to the man in front of him who already seems out of breath from throwing one punch. It’s an unfair fight but he’s never cared too much about playing fair in such an ugly world. The man wants to play stupid games and who is Kim not to give him his stupid prize. 

The man steps forward again, ready to throw another punch but his movements are sluggish. It gives Kim the perfect opportunity to hit him instead. He lands the punch square on the man’s jaw, enjoying the way he can feel the bone crack under his knuckles. The man staggers back at that, losing his footing when he hits the edge of a table. Kim looms over him once he's on the ground, making sure to smile at him pleasantly as he kneels down beside him.

He grabs the man by his hair, forcing him to raise his head enough to look at him. The man does so, even though his eyes have a hard time focusing solely on him. Kim can see the beginnings of a nasty bruise forming on the man’s jaw, which he hopes will serve as a reminder to not fuck with people who are unwilling. He doubts it though, men like this need more than just a punch to get it through their pea brains.

So he decides to teach him a little lesson that he hopes will really send the message home. He pulls out his knife, unsheathing it before he presses the end of the blade against the man’s cheek. The man tries to pull away from the cool metal but Kim holds his head in place, pushing the knife into his cheek until a drop of blood rolls down it. The man is docile under his touch, which Kim finds pleasure in. He likes having control, especially over pieces of shit like this man. 

“Next time someone tells you no, what are you going to say?” Kim asks.

The man doesn’t say anything.

Strike three — such a shame. 

He presses the knife harder against his cheek, dragging it down until it breaks the flesh. The man struggles harshly against him but Big is now holding him down along with Arm. 

“I said, what are you going to say the next time someone tells you no?” Kim repeats. “Be a good boy and answer.”

The man struggles again but his eyes show his fear. It’s such a dangerous emotion to show, even if you are terrified it’s best to keep it hidden until the very end. Kim smiles as he finishes digging the knife into the man’s cheeks, whose screams are drowned out by the loud music surrounding them. Even through the music, Kim knows that they have garnered a crowd but it’s not like he cares all that much. He owns this club and whatever happens in it, stays in it, unless someone feels like taking a gamble with their life. 

He takes a look at the “ K ” now carved into his cheek with a twisted sense of pride.

“Shame you couldn't answer.” Kim stands, wiping the bloodied knife on a handkerchief he keeps on him for situations like this. “Big, maybe he just needs more help figuring out the answer.”

Big gives a nod and begins hauling the man up with Arm’s help. They take him towards the back of the club and into the back alleyway. Kim waves his hand, effectively dispersing the crowd to go back to whatever they had been doing beforehand. Once everyone is back to doing their own thing, he looks for the pretty boy, thankfully not having to look very far. He is still sitting on the plush couch, clutching Kim’s leather jacket in both of his hands. When Kim walks up to him, he looks up at him with large brown eyes.

“You okay?” Kim asks as he kneels down, wanting to get at eye level with the pretty boy. “Did he hurt you?”

The pretty boy blinks lazily at him, his eyes are a bit cloudy as he takes in Kim’s appearance. Kim offers a closed lip smile, extending his hand out to the pretty boy slowly, giving him more than enough time to pull away if he needs to. Pretty boy doesn’t though, allowing Kim to gently caress his face. Kim grabs his chin, turning his face from side to side to see if there are any marks on him. For the fate of the guy that’s currently being taken to his place, he hopes he doesn’t find a single mark because if he could hurt someone as beautiful as this boy, he will feel it ten times harder.

“I…” The boy trails off as Kim’s hand drops from his face.

Kim raises an eyebrow. “You?”

Even in the flashing lights, he can see warmth spread on the pretty boy's face. Kim finds him cute, which is odd because the last thing he thought were cute were ankhun’s koi fish. He’s never found a person cute before, at least not a person who wasn’t a small child or an eledely woman.

“Sorry.”

The word catches Kim off guard for two reasons, the first being how soft the boy’s voice sounds — it makes something twist in the pit of his stomach, the second being Kim having absolutely no clue what the pretty boy could be apologizing for. From where he is standing, he did nothing to warrant feeling guilty. Kim supposes it’s because he wasn’t able to defend himself and had to rely on a complete stranger. 

“Don’t apologize,” Kim says evenly. “You okay?”

The pretty boy nods. “Yes.”

Kim gives him a once over, taking in everything from the roundness of his cheeks to the slight curve of his nose. The kid is absolutely fucking gorgeous. If they had met in any other circumstances, he would be someone Kim would love to have in his bed but after tonight that is completely off the table. There is something about the boy that makes Kim want to protect him as much as he wants to ruin him. 

“What’s your name?” Kim asks for completely selfish reasons.

The pretty boy visibly hesitates for a quick moment before he gives in. “Porchay.”

Porchay. 

Kim files that away for a later time, for what exactly, well he doesn’t know quite yet but he has a feeling it will come in handy later. Pretty bo— Porchay gives him a small smile and Kim has to look away before his thoughts stray too far from where they should be. Kim stands abruptly, knowing he should probably leave before he does something stupid. Just as he is about to walk away though, a hand finds his. 

“Thank you….” Porchay trails off as he holds his hand, not knowing exactly who he is thanking.

“Kim,” He finishes for him. 

It’s rare for him to give out his actual name, especially to complete strangers but there is something about Porchay that keeps him from lying. He wants Porchay to look at him and know his name, he doesn’t want him to think of any other person when he is looking at him. 

“Thank you P’Kim,” Porchay says again once he knows who to thank. “For that.”

Kim gives a quick nod but makes no move to leave. Porchay is still holding his hand and it feels nice, so nice in fact that he doesn’t want to let it go. He wants to spend whatever few moments he can with him before he never sees him again. 

He thinks he should leave but Porchay still looks a bit scared, which is unsurprising. 

“Are your friends here?” Kim asks, taking a look around but finding no one still looking at them with anything other than jealousy on Porchay’s part.

It’s rare for Kim to stick around people longer than necessary, especially not people that aren’t in his inner circle. There are quite a few people who have been trying to capture his attention for months now that he hardly ever regards beyond a nod and now they are watching him take care of a complete stranger. Porchay is not a regular, Kim would know if he was because his face is one that he could never forget. 

Porchay shakes his head no. “They just left when that man came up to me.”

Kim bites his tongue at that, not wanting to lecture on the kind of friends Porchay has because it’s really not his place. Even if he wants to get their names just to pay a little visit to them. 

“Let me take you home,” Kim says before his brain catches up with the words. 

Porchay’s eyes grow a bit rounder. “Oh. You don’t… have to do that. You have already done so much.”

Kim shakes his head. “I want to. Just want to make sure you get home safe, is that okay?”

Porchay stares at him for a few moments, obviously lost in his own thoughts before he gives a small nod. Kim doesn’t smile at that but he wants to, there are just too many eyes that can be on him right now and he can’t have anyone thinking he is soft for someone. Even if it feels like he is soft on him, it’s dangerous for anyone to know that fact. 

He pulls Porchay to the back of the club, taking him to the exit on Kim and his family use. He doesn’t drop Porchay’s hand the entire time and Porchay makes no move to remove it. When they make it outside, Kim brings Porchay over to his motorcycle, that’s when Porchay drops his hand.

“You have a motorcycle?” Porchay asks as he stands behind him. “I…”

Kim turns back to look at him. “You scared?”

Porchay doesn’t need to verbally say yes for Kim to see that he very clearly is. Kim smiles at him, one because he is cute and two because he knows smiles generally offer comfort. Porchay doesn’t return it but his shoulders do relax slightly. 

Kim grabs the helmet hanging on the handlebar and walks over to Porchay. “Don’t be scared. Do you think I would let anything happen to you?”

Porchay doesn’t know him at all, so that of course is a possibility but Kim wouldn’t. He thinks he would burn down an entire town if it meant keeping Porchay safe, which is pretty intense seeing as they only met tonight. Kim has never been one to feel things normally though, he either feels everything all at once or he feels nothing at all. 

Porchay eventually shakes his head no. “I trust you.”

Trust. 

Such a dangerous thing to have, especially when it comes to a guy like him. Kim treasures it though. 

“Well then you will need this,” Kim says instead of addressing what Porchay said. He tries handing the helmet to Porchay but he doesn’t take it. 

“What about you?” Porchay asks, looking down at the helmet. “Do you have a helmet?”

“I think your pretty head is a bit more important than mine,” Kim assures as he takes the helmet and places it on Porchay’s head. “Will you wear it for me?”

Porchay frowns at that but his entire face turns a pretty shade of pink. Kim smiles then, unable to stop himself because god he just wants to eat Porchay up… but he also wants to do something unbelievably sappy like kiss his forehead. It’s a weird range of emotions that he’s not used to. 

“Yes P’Kim.” Porchay thankfully doesn’t argue. “Just be safe okay? I like your head too.”

Kim snorts at that but gives a small nod. “I’ll drive real slow I promise.”

“Wear this too,” Kim says giving Porchay his leather jacket once again. “It will help with the wind.”

Porchay gives a small smile as he puts the jack on and waits for Kim to get on the motorcycle before he follows behind. When he first sits, he keeps a gap between them, obviously not wanting to get too close. Kim doesn’t like that though — for safety reasons only of course, so he grabs one of Porchay’s hands and pulls him toward so that he is flush against Kim’s back. Kim pulls his hand around him, giving a small tug to tell him to wrap the other one around him as well. Porchay does as he is instructed and wraps his arms around Kim’s waist.

Kim turns back, pulling down the face cover for the helmet. “Hold on tight. Don’t let me go okay?”

He waits for Porchay to answer with a small nod before he takes off. Porchay does as he is told and doesn’t let go of him the entire time, save for the few moments he taps his left or right shoulder to tell him to turn. The ride to Porchay’s isn’t very far, so they manage to make it there in less than twenty minutes. 

When Kim stops, he waits for Porchay to get off before he does but Porchay misjudges the distance from the motorcycle to the ground because he stumbles as soon as he is off. Kim manages to catch him by the elbow, pulling him in close to stop him from falling. Porchay stumbles into his chest, wrapping his arms around his chest in order to catch himself fully. 

Kim lets his hands settle on Porchay’s waist, holding him still as he regains his composure. Kim is glad Porchay took off the helmet before getting off the bike because he is able to see his face up close. 

“Watch your step,” Kim says softly. 

Porchay nods. “Sorry about that.”

Kim isn’t but that’s not something that he allows himself to say. Instead, he just looks at Porchay while he can. He knows that after today, he won’t be able to. Porchay is beautiful  — beautiful in a way that Kim will never be allowed to have without losing him. 

Eventually he lets him go, even if it’s the last thing he wants to do. “You okay?”

“Yes,” Porchay answers quickly. “Uh…” Porchay turns back, looking at his home. “No one is home. Can I thank you?”

Kim tries to keep his expression neutral but he feels like he fails when Porchay’s entire face turns red. 

“Not that!” Porchay practically yells. “I meant, uh ramen? I can make you some dinner! Just dinner. I know that you probably aren’t even…” Porchay exhales. “Anyways, ramen?”

Kim shouldn’t. 

He knows that he shouldn’t.

He should go home. 

“I like ramen.”

Fucking idiot.

Except, he finds he doesn’t regret it, especially not with the way Porchay’s entire face lights up. It kind of make it hard to feel anything but the others happiness as his own. Kim, for once allows himself to throw his caution to the wind, even if it’s just for this one night. Tonight he doesn’t have to be Kimhant Theerapanyakun, he can just be Kim. 

Porchay leads him into his home, quickly grabbing random things thrown around the living room and hiding them in new places. Kim, being the gentleman he is, pretends not to notice a thing, mostly because he finds it cute that Porchay cares about his opinion. Kim takes his time to look around the youngers place, not necessarily looking for anything in particular but just finding something to distract himself while Porchay cleans up. 

He stops in front of the mantle, taking in the few pictures displayed on it. Kim leans forward, one picture catching his eye immediately. It’s one of Porchay and who Kim’s assumes is his older brother. The man is holding Porchay like he is the most important person in the world to him. Kim figures there is just something about Porchay that makes people want to protect him because Kim is finding himself in the same boat. 

“That’s Porsche,” Porchay provides, coming up to stand next to him. 

Kim hums. “You’re older brother?”

“He is,” Porchay says, his voice taking a gentler note. Well, it looks like their love and adoration goes both ways then. “My older brother. He’s my only brother. He’s working tonight, that’s the only reason he isn’t here.”

“Does he typically work late?” Kim asks and what’s worse is he finds he actually cares about what Porchay has to say in response. 

If this was anyone else, he would have left it at that. He’s never been particularly good at small talk, unless it’s for a purpose. Here, with Porchay, there is no purpose. He isn’t on a job, he isn’t here to gather information — he doesn’t need to pretend he cares about anything Porchay has to say but he does. 

“Ah, he does.” Kim doesn’t miss the way Porchay’s body tenses slightly, as if the topic of Porsche being gone is for more reasons than just purely having a job. “He has to. He’s not home very often.”

Kim wants to press further — wants to do anything to stop Porchay from frowning the way he is right now but knows that maybe now isn’t the time for that. He flies away that information for later though, making sure to make a mental note to have the situation looked in further even if it isn’t actually his business. 

“I have two older brothers,” Kim says, surprising even himself. 

He doesn’t typically volunteer any information about himself up to people, especially not when there is no threat present but he just wants to distract Porchay so he isn’t upset anymore. The distraction works though because Porchay turns to look at him, his frown replaced with an expression of curiosity. 

“Are they nice?” Porchay asks.

Kim almost laughs at that because nice probably isn’t a word many would associate with them, well maybe Tankhun but Kinn? Except, when he really thinks about it, they are both nice, at least to him. They have always loved him without fault, even when their parents failed to do so.

“My oldest brother is probably the nicest of us three, his name is Tankhun. My other brother Kinn, well he is nice unless he has reason not to be,” Kim says, trying to keep it as cut and dry as possible.

“What are they like?” 

Kim doesn’t want to answer that because then it would require him to actually delve into his own emotions about his brothers but Porchay is looking at him like he’s so utterly interested in what he has to say. He’s never thought of himself as a weak man by any means but when it comes to blueberry colored hair and brown eyes, he thinks he might be a lot weaker than he originally thought. 

Which is how Kim finds himself sitting at the table while Porchay cooks them food and agreeing to tell Porchay about his life. Kim rarely talks about himself, so he feels entirely out of depth but Porchay takes any hesitations he has in stride, always asking the right questions to keep him talking. 

Kim tells him far more than he has ever really told anyone, sparing details that would be dangerous for him to know. He sticks to things outside of the mafia world — mundane things like how when he was younger Tankhun and Kinn used to sing him songs when he was upset and how horrible they were at it but it never failed to make him feel better. Or how Kinn would climb into his bed with him anytime he got in trouble because he said that you should never be sad when you are alone because that’s how the bad thoughts got worse. Or how Tankhun hated watching scary movies but he would anytime Kim wanted to because he knew Kim liked holding his hand when he was scared even though he would never admit it aloud. 

He finds himself smiling as relives the small moments of his life that weren’t tainted by the life he was born into in his mind. He may be unsure of a lot of things and hardly trust people but he at least knows that he has two people who will always love him regardless of anything. If Kinn was ever made to choose, Kim knows without a doubt in his mind that he would choose him and Tankhun over anyone. 

Porchay joins him at the table during one of said stories with two bowls balanced in his grip. When he reaches the table he places one in front of Kim and keeps one in front of himself. Porchay doesn’t interrupt him, hanging on to every word he says like he finds them important. 

The ramen is delicious, which is kind of ridiculous seeing as it’s the same packaged ramen he buys for himself but he can almost swear it’s never tasted this good. Eventually they change the topic of conversation to Porchay himself, much to his dismay and Kim’s elation. 

Porchay flushes slightly as he talks about his own life, downplaying much of it for the sake of being modest but Kim doesn’t like that. He loves hearing Porchay talk, he could probably hear him talk about anything and Kim knows he would be completely absorbed in the topic. Kim picks up on the few times that Porchay stumbles over his words, obviously keeping some details of his life to himself but Kim pretends not to notice because he understands. 

Kim finds out things about Porchay that make him much more than just a pretty face. He finds out that Porchay’s favorite color is actually green, hair color aside. He finds out that Porchay just started university at the same one he attends and that Porchay is only one year younger than him. He finds out that Porchay is also in the music department — when Kim tries to get him to play a song, he downright refuses but he smiles the entire time so Kim knows he’s not upset. He finds out that Porchay loves playing video games any chance he can get. He finds out that Porchay can cook, having to since he has so much time to himself.

Kim keeps every bit of information close to his heart, even if he knows that it’s dangerous to do so. He is toeing a fine line of what is allowed and what isn’t. When he leaves this house, he knows that he has to do it without looking back or it will destroy every wall he’s carefully built around himself. He’s seen first hand what love can do in his life and he just… has never really thought of it being something he’s allowed to have. 

With Porchay, he knows if he sticks around long enough, falling in love will be inevitable. 

“I should go,” Kim says after they finish eating.

He pretends not to notice the way Porchay’s face falls slightly and the slight pinch between his eyebrows. Kim wants nothing more than to kiss his pout away but that’s something he can’t allow himself to give into, even if he knows Porchay probably wouldn’t be opposed to it. He’s not an idiot, nor blind so he hasn’t missed a single longing look that Porchay has thrown his way but it’s for the best.

Porchay is something precious that can’t be tainted by something as ugly as Kim. 

“I’ll walk you out.” 

Porchay doesn’t take no for an answer and Kim doesn’t have it in him to argue. The walk to the motorcycle is far too quick for Kim’s liking, marking the fact that his time with Porchay is rapidly coming to an end. When they make it to the motorcycle, Porchay and him both stall for a bit, not saying goodbye until a few moments of welcome silence pass.

“Thank you again,” Porchay says as Kim puts his helmet on. 

Kim gives him a small, reserved smile. “Don’t thank me.”

Porchay frowns a bit. “How could I not? You didn’t have to step in.”

Kim knows that but he would do it a million times over if it means getting to meet Porchay. He should be thanking Porchay for showing him that people outside of his family can still be pleasant to be around, even though he has a sinking suspicion that Porchay is the exception to any rule he has put in place for himself. What’s scarier is that Porchay did it effortlessly. 

Kim winds up shrugging, not giving a verbal answer to Porchay’s question. Porchay doesn’t press the matter any further. Just as Kim is about to drive off, he is stopped by a hand being placed on his own. He pauses, keeping the helmet up so Porchay can see his face.

“Here have your jacket back,” Porchay starts, going to remove the jacket from around him but Kim reaches out to stop him. 

He grabs the openings of the jacket and closes it. Porchay’s hand drops from his at that, falling to his sides. Kim doesn’t want the jacket, he would rather Porchay keep it as a little reminder of him. It’s for purely selfish reasons but easy enough to play off.

“Keep it.” 

It’s said in a way that leaves no room for arguments and Porchay must sense that because he just gives a small nod as his cheeks turn a pretty shade of pink. Kim allows himself to stare at him for a few moments, trying to memorize every curve of his face to keep it ingrained in his mind for years to come. 

“It looks better on you anyways.”

He doesn’t give Porchay the time to respond before he is pulling down the cover of the helmet and driving off. He doesn’t look back, keeping the promise he made for himself. He knows that Big isn’t far behind him and he will make sure Porchay gets back into his house before following him home. 

The short ride back to his home is spent thinking too much about a pretty smile and warm eyes.

When he finally walks through the entrance of his home, he is practically thrumming in anticipation. Being so close to Porchay has every nerve in his body firing. He walks through the house, about to make his way to the basement when he sees his brother in the main foyer. 

“Why do you have someone downstairs?” Kinn asks as he leans against the bar. It’s his way of saying hello. 

He’s still wearing his suit, which is a rarity when it’s past three in the morning so Kim can only assume he had some business that ran late. He gives his brother a smile that is anything but pleasant, to which Kinn rolls his eyes and hides a smile of his own behind his whiskey. 

“Just make sure you clean up when you are done,” Kinn says, sounding as if they are talking about something as mundane as the weather. “Last time it looked like a fucking bear attacked three people.”

Kim shrugs. “Maybe people shouldn’t be stupid then and I got you the information you wanted, didn’t I?”

Kinn hums, swirling his drink around his glass. “You did but I don’t recall sending you out on another job.”

“Because you didn’t,” Kim replies easily. “This guy pissed me off. Just thought I should teach him a lesson.”

“And it has nothing to do with a certain blue haired boy?” 

Kim stops with his arm halfway out of his leather jacket. He hates Big, he really does but he also knows that it can’t be helped. At the end of the day his brother is the boss and Big has a hopeless crush on him, so it only makes sense that his brother is never left in the dark for too long. Kim doesn’t care much though, knowing that Kinn will rarely if ever take a side opposite of his own. 

“And if it does?” Kim counters. 

Kinn doesn’t respond at first, he simply walks forward with one hand in the pocket of his pants. His expression doesn’t give away a single one of his thoughts, a talent that they have all perfected but when it comes to Kinn, it’s on a different plane. Kinn has to be the one who holds it together at every moment, even when he thinks no one is looking. It’s an exhausting life, one that Kim knows Kinn doesn’t really want but he has no choice in the matter. 

“It’s not something to be scared of,” Kinn winds up saying. 

Kim hates that his brother can read him like a book sometimes but he also appreciates it, especially since verbalizing how feels isn’t exactly the easiest sometimes. Kinn has always been perceptive, making sure to take care of the people he loves in the way that they need to be taken care of without ever asking. 

“How is it not?” Kim counters.

“Isn’t everything something to be scared of?” Kinn always sounds wise beyond his years. “But I guess the better question is, are you going to let him go?” Kinn asks, sounding like he already knows the answer. 

Is Kim going to let him go? Is there anything even to really let go? Except, Kim knows exactly what Kinn is asking even if he would like to play dumb. He’s asking if he thinks this is his person, not just another conquest. In their line of work, it’s dangerous to care or even think of someone beyond a strictly beneficial relationship. Kim has been with his own share of people but none of them mean a thing to him, practically nameless people used and thrown away the moment they pose an inconvenience to him.

When he thinks of Porchay, he knows that he doesn’t want to just use him and throw him away. He’s just… there is something about him that makes Kim want to take care of him rather than hurt him. The entire thing makes him feel nauseous because he knows what he is opening himself too. He just has to decide if it’s going to be worth it or not. 

Really, if he’s being honest, there is not much to decide. His heart has already made its choice, even if his mind is trying desperately to fight it off. He knows deep down that his mind isn’t going to win this time, at least not in the long run. 

“No.” Kim finds himself saying. “I don’t think I am.”

Kinn studies him for a moment, expression still annoyingly passive before he finally gives a curt nod. Kim can feel the tension he didn’t even know he was feeling lessen slightly at his older brother's nod. As much as he likes to give Kinn shit, his brother’s approval means a lot to him. 

“Then you have my support. You know that already.” Kinn takes another sip from his drink. “But just remember the consequences of love in a world like this.”

It’s something they both know a little too well but Kim knows Kinn probably has the most experience with that statement. Kim gives his brother a nod in response, not wanting to say how he actually feels on the matter. Kinn smiles before he sends him away to do what he came to do. 

When all is said and done, Kim takes a shower to wipe away the grime of the night. It’s already nearing five in the morning when he finally slips into bed, which isn’t unusual per say but he has a feeling sleep will escape him tonight. 

Just as he’s about to close his eyes, his phone vibrates next to him. 

Little [05:36]: Porchay Pichaya Kittisawat.