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Sooner or Later You're Gonna go to a Psychologist

Summary:

The cast visits all a psychologist to talk about their problems.

Original story by Staringback : “Sooner or Later You’re Gonna be Mine”.

Notes:

Each word is lovingly curved.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

The alarm clock went and Dr.Wa Nabe relunctantly came out of bed. Knowing full well he had appointments to make, he rolled out of bed and started to prepare himself for the meetings scheduled. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but he had this profound feeling that this day was not going to go as easy as he thought it would be. Somehow, he knew that this day was going to be a very stressful one.


The woman with short hair shifted uncomfortably on the couch. “Well, I’m still thinking whether I should give this ‘man’ a second chance, you know learn to know him better and all. But I’m still not sure…”

“Tell me, what’s this ‘man’ like?” Dr.Wa Nabe asked.

“Well, he’s a bloodthirsty maniac skeleton killer with red eye beams who likes stabbing people in their heads with his knifes.

“…”

“He can be very playful and carelesss, or very serious and humorless. Also on both occassions he’s always drunk.”

It took some time before Dr.Wa Nabe was able to get a word out while he sat there speechless listening to her. He laughed a little to himself, he couldn't imagine meeting this 'man' she just described. And if it were, what an unfortunate coincidence that would be.


The massive monster took a heavy drag out of his cigar. The unusual red smoke that came out of his cigar waved lazily across the room in peculiar patterns like that one of a snake’s deliberate movement before dissipating away.

He had a huge grin plastered on his face with a golden teeth that occasionally flashed in the light and he had that signature smirk Dr. Wa Nabe was all too familair with. That specific kind of smile that suggests self-satisfaction, smugness, or even pleasure at someone else's unhappiness or misfortune. As if he were above them, that kind of smile. And to make his point across he wore expensive clothes and jewelry in a way that is easily perceived or understood. Judging by appearances he looked as someone from the mafia, but nah, he looked way too fat to fit in the mafia.

"For some reason, I find the idea of burstin' through a woman bathroom stall to be a very good plan to impress this lady that I'm obsessed with the very moment I have layed my eyes on and have wondered what size underwear she wears. So I said I liked her and have stalked her since. Wanna guess how she reacted?"

He really didn't wanted to find out.


"I AM WELL AWARE OF THE MAGIC HUMAN POSSESSES! SO I'LL WARN YOU IN ADVANCE! I WILL NOT FALL IN YOUR TRAP LITTLE HUMAN MAN!"

Unlike the last skeleton, his next client was this tall and energetic skeleton who never learned the meaning of 'stand still'. For about a quarter of an hour this man talked excessively about magic in which he accuses humans to use on monsters, which is utter nonsense, and waved with his hands to explain certain things as if his hands where on fire while pacing around the room like an authorized child without supervision. Dr. Wa Nabe wanted then to turn the attention back to him, by applying a genius trick he got from his (useless) psychology degree studying years for. Tell them a compliment.

"Those are some very nice shoes, sir." It really were nice shoes.

"OH! THANK YOU VERY MUCH HUMAN!" He blushed. "I GREATLY APPRE-"

There was a slight pause in silence and all movement ceased from him. Dr. Wa Nabe looked a little worried at him. It was as if he's malfunctioning and realizing what was going to be the implication of what he said a moment before. The skeleton blushed face quickly turned into a suspicious glare and folded his arms at him.

Maybe another compliment? Dr. Wa Nabe thought.


His next client that came in his office was a well-dressed skeleton with a grin and cracks around his eyes. At first glance he seemed like the kind of person who's too serious about his work, but just knows how to separate sentimentalism from service. Not only looked he adamant, someone who knows what he wants, but he gave the impression of being someone who atleast makes sense with issues he could solve. Far from those other three...

He entered the room calmly with his stick and sat on the couch.

"You see, while working with monsters in my youth, and one thing I learned," he said "is that monsters are shit."

He continued.

"Then I decided to move to the surface city, and one thing I learned," he said "is that humans are shit."

While Dr.Wa Nabe hided the fact he felt insulted, the skeleton kept on talking in a blunt manner without trying to select words that are nice to hear.

"I'll choose the one that suits me better, even if they're both equally trash."


“Aren’t there any snacks in here?” Asked the giant, blue rabbit waving in front of the emty space between him and Dr.Wa Nabe. He was indicating for a table, a piece of work surface for eating, writing, or working but since people only came here to talk, it didn’t seemed necessary to put a piece of furniture in his workroom when all there was were just two couches. And not only was it unneeded, it was stupid.

“No." Responded Dr.Wa Nabe with a dry voice and an equally flat stare.

“Aw.” The bunny’s ears dropped down at hearing the confession. “I could have used some snacks to gain some ideas for my nice cream business.”

“Nice cream business?” Repeated the doctor unimpressed at what he just heard. That sure is a lame pun for ‘ice cream’ business.

“Yeah, I know right! Its sure is a clever name and not only that, but when you’re done with your delicious nice cream, you’ll receive a nice compliment along! Exclaimed the bunny with a lot of enthusiasm.

"Wow." Answered Dr.Wa Nabe like a robot with an impassive tone. "That's amazing."

"Are you sure there aren't any snacks?" Repeated the bunny.

"I am certain there aren't any snacks or food in here." A forced smile creeped on Dr.Wa Nabe not out of joy, but out of trying to be friendly at coping with his patient that if he were making a joke he should stop it. Because Dr.Wa Nabe obviously did not find it in the slightest entertaining and instead became more agitated by the second.

"Are you sure there aren't any snacks in those drawers?" Guessed the bunny, pointing at his desk curiously. He just didn't wanted to give up and stubornly persisted. Getting worked up from him, he cleared his throat to speak a simple and straightforward yet mocking question at the bunny.

“Let me make this clear. You came in my office,” Dr.Wa Nabe raised an eyebrow at the flustered bunny. “to ask me where to find food and snacks?” Dr.Wa Nabe gave a humourless face with a solemn look to make him know he was not pleased if the answer to that quesion was right. And he wanted to make sure the bunny looked straight in his eyes so he could realise he is not in a 5 star hotel room. And if it were true that he only came in search for something to gobble on he would kick the rabbit straight out of his office with much pleasure. He didn't liked it when people played with him.

“No, no, no!" The bunny clamored, realizing how rude his questions were towards the Doctor. "Not at all! I did came so I could talk, of course! But I just thought there would be some food, that’s all!"

“Why?”

“Because I’m hungry.”

“Hungry for help." Corrected Dr. Wa Nabe him.


After the rough appointments earlier, Dr.Wa Nabe was relieved to find another human patient with him. And this was a real person with serious problems too, a young-looking man addicted to the nasty drug heroine. If there was one thing that scared and horrified Dr.Wa Nabe were dependent drugs and icky needles. After hearing the very sad story of the man’s life, Dr.Wa Nabe was unquestionably, withouth a doubt going to help the man called Mac.

“So yeah… that’s how I ended up being addicted to heroin.” He finished his very sad story and shifted a little in his seat. 

“I’m so sorry to hear that, really. It must have been-” Expressed Dr.Wa Nabe but his empathy was immediately broken by his next question that really dumbfounded him.

“Is there any heroine here?” He asked as casual as stating the weather. As if it were normal to mention some drugs to some stranger he met.

Dr.Wa Nabe blinked his eyes at the question. “Uh… no.”

“Are you sure?” The addict implored.

“Yes.” There was without a shadow of a doubt that he would never put drugs in his workroom, let alone in his house and would never touch it if it were in his sight.

“Are you really sure?” He repeated.

“I’m very certain, sir.” Said Dr.Wa Nabe without hesitation.

“Are you sure there aren’t any drugs in those drawers?” Guessed the patient, pointing at his desk.

Dr.Wa Nabe suddenly had a distinct feeling of deja-vu.


What came out of the door surprised him a little. Well, a little was an understatement because what came out was a TV host robot with four long arms covered with too much pink and dazzling items that made his eyes want to roll back in his skull. He sits down on the couch to discuss ‘important’ things and occasionnally made dramatic poses when trying to explain his ‘difficulties’.

“Every day I just have the worst bad hair day in the entire world! Om my god! And then I have this stupid, little assistant that is so intolerable at times! I swear sometimes I’m like asking myself why did I even recrute him in the first place! And it is sooooo embarassing to have him! Like its the worst decision I have ever made in my entire life! He just clings on me, he doesn’t want to let me go, no matter how hard I shake him off! I’m like a honey jar attracting flies around me! But I guess I’m just so irresistable and breathtakingly beautifull that he wants me and everybody aswell! And it is really difficult to know that and deal with the stress to know I have to look good every second, but I know I’m strong and I am capable of doing that.”

“Do you feel viewed as an object and it affects-”

“Om my god! Look at my hair!” The robot pointed at his hair. “So tragic!”


If things couldn’t get any freakier or more bizarre, then Dr.Wa Nabe was dead wrong. Because the next thing that came was an actual fish. A legitimate fish. A living and literally fresh out of the ocean fish with blood red hair and an eye lap as if it tried to live its childhood dream of becoming a pirate.

"I love poems!"

"I don't."

"You wanna hear one!"

"No."

"So there was this tale between a mermaid and human and they-”

Dr.Wa Nabe wished he had cancelled this appointment.


She kept trembling as she tried to speak her next words and Dr.Wa Nabe could only wait with great anticipation at what the female, reptilian, nervous, monster wreck would say.

"U-umm..."

"What seems to be the problem?"

"I-I..."

"Yes?"

"I-I n-need t-to..."

"Get help?"

"Go t-to the b-bathroom."

Once she went to the bathroom, she never came back.


"Sometimes I'm getting beaten by my boss if I do something wrong or sometimes when I do nothing. And every so often when I do get something right, which is uncommon, he's kind but only for a while and then he returns to his self-centered usual persona." Admitted the young cat with his head bowed down. "I don't know what to do really..."

Strocking his chin reflectively, a signal that Dr.Wa Nabe is thinking hard, particularly if he had a conversation that provided him with an option or a choice to make evaluating something in play.

What Dr.Wa Nabe guessed is that his boss basically used dark psychology on him, not only that but the cat had also a history of severe emotional problems which makes him easily influenced to ensure favourable treatment from people, especially through status, contacts, or wealth. The boss makes the cat feel satisfaction and let him feel great about himself and suddenly becomes ice cold to him, which makes him feeling empty again so he would desperately try to win his boss' stern demeanor back. If he continued blindly following that path of unrequited love other things could be at higher risks like his mental health.

"Is there anyone you can reach out to leave that abusive boss?" Asked Dr.Wa Nabe.

"No, I don't think I deserve to be saved. I'm good where I am and I don't think I want to leave my boss. He beats me but I'm fine with it."

"So you're telling me you're a masochist?"

"I don't think I'm a masochist."

Dr.Wa Nabe bit on his lips. "Yes, you are. You are."


Dr.Wa Nabe next client was a fan wearing a t-shirt written ‘Sooner or Later You’re Gonna Be Mine is life and I’m not going to be able to breath for next chapter’ and the fan was also wearing a fedora hat, wearing red and black clothes.

“What is the problem.” Asked Dr.Wa Nabe at his patient.

“I’m going crazy, doctor.” Said the fan.

“Why?”

“Because Sans is thicker than a snicker.”


The white-furred goat woman before him was nearly going frantic.

"You see, both of my precious children died years ago! I couldn't imagine my life without them!”

"I'm so sorry to he-"

She bursted into a fit of hysterical crying and continued. "And then one day I saw this woman who looked a lot like my child in that famous bar! My child came back to me! I went to her and hugged her forcibly because my child kept pulling away from me, she couldn't believe it aswell! I even had to wipe her own tears off her face when we arrived at our beloved home, just like her I had to cry of joy! And even during hide and seek we sometimes play, I found her always running towards a window trying to open it or making ‘help me’ signs towards passengers that pass, but she very well knows this is not a dream! She still doesn’t want to believe that this is reality!"


“So... my wife.” Began the huge goat furred man before him, scratching his head over this vexing topic not sure how to even start with it.

This must be the husband of that deranged goat woman who was not even possible to manage with, thought Dr.Wa Nabe. To live with that kind of partner would take a lot of prescriptions of treatment for reducing headache pain and tons of bottles of alcohol to numb the agony to deal with that sort of women. Hell, even for the husband with his wide bulky appearance, his tall stature and especially his overall muscular limbs that gives him the natural air of authority, one who is used to being obeyed couldn’t even tame that delirious woman. He would even dare to say that it was his wife who was definitely the dominant one in their relationship.

“As much as I love my wife and it hurts me to say this, I think she’s gone a little too far this time.” The goat man revealed.

“Gone far with what?” Inquired Dr.Wa Nabe with a raised eyebrow.

“With our…” He debated several words in his head before picking the most appropriate one. ‘Child.’”

“She doesn’t like the child?”

“Oh no, no on the contrary! She loves the child! After kidnapping this woman from a popular bar we visited, my wife just adores her! Adopting her and learning her how to behave was the best choice we could ever make! There’s not a day that passes where all three of us smiles! I even sometimes playfully joke with the child once in a while, like that time when I told her, her real parents were going to pick her up on April fools day! Ha! Ha! The look on her face was just priceless!"

“What is the issue then if she adores the child?”

“You see, that’s the problem. As I said we adopted her and as much as we like her as she is, my wife is not yet satisfied with how she looks. She likes to do some, let’s just say, ‘small adjustments’ to her. And so we were going to do a ‘little’ operation to her body but I fear that this could literally lead the child to die.”

Asgore sighed. “I’m afraid she goes a little too far this time. She needs to see that some things have its limits, like what she’s doing now.”

“Yes, indeed... Some things have its limits.” Like your tastes. Or you wife. Dr.Wa Nabe thought, but wisely shut his mouth about it.


"But then my husband tells me this is not our child, this is not right! I try telling him he's wrong! Why won't he see this is Chara! Why won't anyone love her for what she is! Even my own child, the woman I kidnapped against her own will, tells me she's not Chara!"

This couple of two goat partners have very well proven why marriage should become illegal.


"She even treathened to divorce me! I try telling her that if she continues with this nonsense it could literally lead to the child's death! BUT, since Toriel is so stubborn and rather wants to live in her own vocal delusions than admit that she is crossing a line she might regret in the futur, she's been pushing all the hard work on me! Whatever I told myself, it's not going to last long, she's going to drop this act and stop being unbearable. I'm not really a confrontational person when it comes to her, I just kind of bow my head and keep my thoughts to myself. BUT... Toriel's behavior towards me these past few weeks has been insufferable and I am king of letting the woman have her way! My own moto is even: Happy wife, happy life!"

"Well know your new moto is going to be: Happy life without my wife." Dr.Wa Nabe knew he always had a knack of finding the right words at the right times.


"I'm being kidnapped." Frisk admitted.

"Wait, if you're being kidnapped then how come you're here?"

"Good question..." She said thinking and then her eyes rapidly blinked as if realizing something. "I'M FREE!!!!"


"So I bashed this woman's head that I befriended just moments ago in a bathroom stall. Wanna guess what happened next?"

Bashed women he befriended in toilet stalls. Umm, last time he checked, he don't make friends in bathroom stalls. And no, he doesn't want to know what happens next.


"NYEH HEH HEH." Papyrus repeated again. The skeleton was supposed to have already left his session but remained seated on the sofa. He still believed humans had magic and wanted to prove his point at the doctor in the most obnoxious manner possible by disobeying his ‘orders’ and sitting as straight as an arrow in front of him supported by his straight legs. All of this to prove his stupid point.

"This session is over, sir." Dr.Wa Nabe simply said. Normally, the skeleton would break their mutual silence with one of his arguments about the witchery and magic, but he just said nothing and only communicated throught that iconic laugh of his.

"NYEH HEH HEH." Although these words were spoken without a raised voice, his face conveyed seriousness.

"You can leave now." Dr.Wa Nabe tried again.

"NYEH HEH HEH." He repeated.

Dr.Wa Nabe took a deep breath. "Sir, just how many times will you say that nyeh heh heh."

"NYEH HEH HEH." He repeated.

"GET OUT OF MY OFFICE!" Dr.Wa Nabe screamed, not taking it any longer.

"NYEH HEH HEH!" He bursted with the utmost confidence and pointed his finger at him. "I GOT YOU NOW LITTLE HUMAN MAN!"


"Everyone I know is an idiot." The grinning looking skeleton stated bluntly.

Dr.Wa Nabe nodded furiously with his head at the only considered sane person, that is Wingdings, out of the whole group and whole heartedly agreed with this man.


Again looked Dr.Wa Nabe at his watch and tapped with the heel of his shoe on the ground. Again Dr.Wa Nabe wondered where it all went wrong and how he could have prevented this accident. Maybe if he would have said some insightful directions on that moment this incident would have never occured. He kept on waiting but there seemed no prove or hope she will ever return.

Legends says the female reptilian is still searching for the bathroom.


"I like to pull at my ears, that's right, right?" Said the the crippled cat pulling and scratching at his ears while searching the eyes of his listener.

"Thats wrong, right, right?" Answered Dr.Wa Nabe to the talker.


Asgore blabered like a fool. "You know what? Maybe I should divorce her! This could lead to another mental breakdown and before I know it my whole legacy and insanity is destroyed!" 


Toriel spoke. "When I see him I'll slam his beloved butterscotch cinnamon pie he loves so much in his snout and tell him I don't want him anymore! Because-"


"I-" Yelled  Asgore.


"Can't-" Screeched Toriel.


"Stand-" Shouted Asgore.


"Him-" Cried Toriel out.


"Anymore!" Roared Asgore at last.

Dr.Wa Nabe was so close at losing the screws that were fixed in his head, if it were for just hearing the same argument again!


"Are you sure there aren't snacks under the couch?" The bunny begged at this point.

"For the last time, would you stop questioning the same question over and over again!?" Trying not to leash his frustrations at the bunny, Dr.Wa Nabe looked at the wall. Just looking at the concrete, bland wall was far beter than looking at the blue bunny with his nerve-racking inquiries.

"I’m sorry! But you don’t get it! I'm trying not to lose tastes for my nice cream business!"

"And I'm trying not to lose my sanity with you!"


“Are you sure there arent any dr-” Started Mac again.

“NO! NO! NO!” Shouted Dr.Wa Nabe at the clueless addicted. “No godamnit! There aren’t any drugs or needles or whatever else you need! For the last time no! Do you even  know what no means?”

But Mac just stared at him like he didn’t get it.

“Are you su-”

“NOOOOO!!!!”


The doctor sighed at this fan who was constantly nagging non-stop about why Sans is thicker than a snicker than everyone else. “I mean, doctor when I first clicked on Tapas Melikas to read the story and I saw Sans... When I saw Sans...I was like “HOOLLY SSHIII-”

Dr.Wa Nabe had no idea what sound came out of her or if it was even able to be recognized as human. Because the sound she made was as if she came from a completely other vortex dimension or she was transcendeniting into a completely entire new entity ready to save mankind.


“It was so romantic!” The female fish clapped her hands in front of her.

“No.” Said Dr.Wa Nabe.

“I know right!” Agreed Undyne.

“Wait, what? You’d really agreed with what I’d just said?” Dr.Wa Nabe watched her with open eyes full of shock.

“Of course!” She beamed and smiled at him like a little child would.

Dr.Wa Nabe raised his eyebrows at this and his jaw slackened a bit. “Well, this sure is a pleasant surpr-”

“Wait until you see my drawings! You will love it!” She squeeled with joy.

“Nevermind.” It was just wishful thinking. Talking before her, was like talking before a brick wall. 


"Are you okay, Dr.Wa Nabe?" Said Wingdings with a raised eyebrow. 

"I'm fine, I'm fine... Just had a rough afternoon, but its all over now. Thank god.” He was muttering to himself, was getting super paranoid.

"Well, then could you answer my question I said just a moment ago?”

“My apologies. I was lost in my own thoughts, I didn’t heard it the first time, could you repeat the question sir?”

“What do you generally think of monsters?”

HORRIBLE! Was the first thought that raced through his mind and he never wanted to experience those appointments ever again! But of course he didn’t say that. He wanted to be seen as proffesionally as possible, that was his work after all, and not be known as that annoying gossiper. So with a strained smile and a forced elevated tone he said: “Really awesome folks.”

His customer simply nodded at this, stood up from the couch, told Dr.Wa Nabe a goodbye and grabbed his stick and went for the door. And then he stopped.

"That's good to hear,” He turned and looked him straight in the eyes and said “Because monsters will soon be living here."

And then Wingdings left the room. He smoked his cigarre and planned his next plans for the city. While leaving the building he swore he heard a faint sound of someone screaming.

Notes:

This idea popped in my head and I had the urge to just write it down and submit it here in Ao3. You may have noticed the writing style in here is kinda similiar to Staringback, I did it because I really liked her way of words and wanted to try it out. And I had so much fun writing it down!

Hopefully you enjoyed it too, along with a big thanks for reading!

PS: Dr. Wa Nabe is for Dr. Wanabe! Get it? Hahaha!
Also I changed the old title (who wants to go to a psychologist) to this one because it sounded better ;)