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The twinge was the first sign- one I ignored. I was neck-deep in paperwork for the Illusive Man, and I needed to get it done sooner, rather than later.
Another came about a half hour later and, again, I ignored it. It wasn’t persistent, so it didn’t need attention.
All of a sudden, another twenty-ish minutes later, my tooth started pounding something fierce. My hand flew to my jaw, clutching it, cradling it, trying to ward off the pain. Not that it did any good, of course.
“EDI, let Chakwas know I’m going to see her.” I ordered as I stood.
Gathering myself, I put on a blank face and got into the elevator. I didn’t need to worry anyone I saw on the way to the med bay by looking like I was hurting.
“Shepard.” She greeted, eyeing me. “EDI said your adrenaline and endorphin levels were high. Are you in pain?”
“Yeah.” I nodded, my smile tight. “I’ve got a bit of a toothache.”
“I can’t do anything for that, not being a dentist, but I can give you something for the pain.” She moved away, digging through a cabinet full of bottles. “How bad is it?”
I hesitated, not wanting to tell her. “Ah, it’s not terrible.” I tried.
“Her levels suggest intense pain, doctor.” EDI outed me.
I suppressed a sigh.
“In that case, I will give you a hydrocodone.”
After pushing through the bottles, she picked one and shook a pill out of it.
“Here you are.” She dropped it in my hand.
I popped it dry, giving her another tight smile. “Thank you.”
“If it gets worse, let me know.”
Nodding, I made my exit, retreating back to my room.
Fifteen minutes later, and the pill hadn’t done anything yet. If anything, it had gotten worse. Which I hadn’t thought possible.
“Would you like me to send Doctor Chakwas up?” EDI asked.
“No. Don’t. I’ll be fine. I’ll be fine.” I wasn’t sure who I was trying to convince.
“I can-“
“Don’t get Chakwas.” I growled out, tone harsher than I’d meant. “Sorry. Sorry, I’m just... No offense, EDI, but leave me alone. No Chakwas.”
Another twenty minutes later found me pacing, my eyes watering, my hand clutching my jaw again. I was trying so hard not to break down, but I could only handle so much pain, and I was quickly reaching my limit.
The lights dimmed, and I realized it was late. A brief glance at the alarm clock on the bedside table told me it was after nine. Maybe I could force myself to sleep and get past the pain that way.
Worth a shot, yeah?
Undressing, I climbed under the covers. Where I tossed and turned, a part of me worried I was ripping the sheets in my desperate attempts to keep my hands from my jaw.
Quiet sounds drew my attention, just a flicker of it, just enough to realize I was whimpering like an injured pup.
A hand touched my forehead, and I relaxed for a second, the coolness of their palm giving me a short respite.
“Spirits, Shepard.” Garrus said above me. “You have a fever.”
Another whimper left me as he pulled his hand away.
“I need to get Chakwas.”
“No!” I managed to get out, my voice weak and strained. “Please. She’s already given me something. It’s just... not working. I don’t want to bother her.”
“You won’t be bothering her- it’s her job to help as a doctor.” He sounded exasperated.
I rolled away from him, the pain pounding intensely with every time I opened my mouth. “Please.”
There was a stretch of silence.
“EDI, let Chakwas know that Shepard needs something else.”
I bit my lip, the tears overflowing yet again.
He stayed with me while she made her way up.
“I brought Tramadol. If you experience any ill effects whatsoever, you need to let me know immediately.” She ordered sternly, handing me the pill. I downed it so fast, I was surprised I didn’t choke. “You may experience slow or shallow breathing, severe dizziness. If you do- or anything worse- let me know.”
I managed a weak nod, pressing the pained side of my face against the pillow again.
The door opened and shut, and I assumed they’d both left. I stopped holding in the sounds of pain, and they seemed to bounce off the walls back at me. Echoing in the space.
The bed shifted behind me, and I felt a hand on my shoulder. Garrus’s hand.
“What can I do?” He asked quietly.
“Nothing.” I whispered. “Unless you’re a dentist.” A pause. “Or going to knock me unconscious.” Hopeful.
“I’m not going to do that.” He sounded disgusted by the idea.
Silence stretched between us, only broken by the sounds that left me with each pulse of pain.
“You... You should go...” I whispered.
“I’m not leaving you like this.” Frustrated.
“Please... There’s nothing-“ A whimper left me. “you can do.”
He let out a frustrated breath, his hand squeezing my shoulder firmly.
“Shepard...”
I abruptly got up, going to the bathroom. Sequestering myself in there. He couldn’t follow me in here. Eventually, he would have to leave.
My eyes went to the mirror, and an idea popped into my head. If I couldn’t get to a dentist, I would bring the dentist to me. Moving to stand in front of the reflection, I opened my mouth and put my fingers around the tooth. Giving a firm tug. Pain shot through me, harsher than any other before. I managed to suppress the cry, steadying myself with my hands on the basin of the sink. Waiting until the pain lessened before trying again.
Another, sharper tug. Even worse pain, and I couldn’t stop the cry that left me this time. I even fell to the floor, my legs giving out on me.
The door slid open and a frazzled turian rushed in, spotting me sitting there, tears pouring down my face. Hiccups escaping. My fingers still clutched around the tooth.
“Spirits. What are you doing?”
“I can’t-“ A hiccup. “I can’t do this.” I whimpered.
“What can’t you do?” He asked, crouching beside me, eyes firmly on my face.
“I can’t do this.” Louder, almost a wail. “It hurts so much. I can’t- I can’t do this.”
His eyes widened, and he reached toward me, hands gently settling on my shoulders. “It’s going to be okay. You’re going to be okay.”
I shook my head, crying harder. “I can’t. I can’t. I can’t.” It was all I could say.
He hesitated over something, wrestling with himself, and one part won out- his hands moved, pulling me toward him. Picking me up bridal carry and taking me to my bed. Laying me down and covering me up.
“You’re going to be okay.” He repeated, sitting on the edge of the bed. Moving the hair from my face.
I realized I was shaking horribly, but I couldn’t deal with that on top of the agony I was in.
“I’m not. I’m not. I’m not.” I whimpered. “I can’t do this.”
“You can.” He assured me. “You already are. You’re dealing with it right now. It’s going to pass, you’ll see. You’re going to be okay.”
“I’m not.” I argued, cut off from saying anything more as another, harsher wave of pain hit. Only managing yet another whimper.
“What can I do?” He asked again, helpless.
I couldn’t speak- there were no words left in me at the moment.
When the silence went on too long for him, he started to get up. My hand flashed out, grabbing his shirt.
“Don’t- Don’t go.” I begged. Pleaded. Staring up at him with my tear-stained face, the tears still flowing like a faucet had been turned on. “Please.”
He settled back down, his hand covering mine. “I’m not going anywhere. I couldn’t leave you like this.” A shake of his head. “I was going to get you some water.”
I shook my head. “No. Don’t go.”
His eyes searched my face, before he gave a slow nod. “I won’t go anywhere.”
I relaxed my hold a little, but not enough for him to pry my fingers off.
After a few minutes deep in thought, he gently tugged on my wrist, asking me silently to let go. I whimpered but reluctantly did so. He took off his shoes, before lifting the blankets and sliding underneath. Looking at me, he opened his arms.
“Come here.”
Immediately, I darted into his embrace, burying my face in his shoulder. My sobs muffled now. He held me for a long time, before I felt the urge to toss again.
Time dragged by, where I tossed and turned, the pain only growing worse as the minutes ticked away.
Periodically, Garrus had me take a pill. I didn’t ask what it was, trusting him blindly- I didn’t even ask where he was getting them. I only knew that they didn’t help. Nothing helped.
“I can’t do this.” I whined yet again. For the hundredth time.
“You’re going to be okay.” A gentle stroke against my back. “You’re going to be okay.”
“You can’t know that.”
“I can. I do. You’re going to be okay.”
Silence.
“I wish I was still dead.” I whispered, my eyes watering anew.
He stiffened, his hold on me tightening. “You don’t mean that.”
“I do. I can’t do this. If I was still dead, I wouldn’t have to bear it. I wouldn’t be suffering like this.” I explained, pausing between every few words to wince.
The more I spoke, the worse it got.
He swallowed so audibly, I heard it. “That’s the pain talking. You don’t really feel like that. It’s going to pass, and you’re going to be okay again. You’ll see. It’s going to pass. You’ll be okay.”
“I won’t.” I argued, pulling away from him, jumping up and running to the bathroom again.
This time, I locked the door.
There was a pounding knock. “Shepard, open this door!”
“Go away!” I shouted, backed into the far corner of the room, slumping down to the ground.
My hands fisted in my hair, my sobs making my whole body shake.
“EDI, unlock this door!” He demanded.
“Don’t listen to him, EDI!” I countered. “I’m the captain of this ship!”
There was a pause, silence settling over us for a short moment.
“You are the captain, but you are incapacitated at the moment. Unfit for duty.” EDI, the traitor.
The door unlocked, sliding open for him.
He rushed in, immediately prying my fingers away. Grabbing my wrists and pinning them by my sides.
“Let me go!” I demanded.
“No!” He sounded so angry, I shrank away from him. “I’m not going to let you hurt yourself.”
A whimper left me, the pain flaring again.
Quietly, a broken whisper. “It hurts.”
His tone softened, his grip turning gentle. “I know.” Getting to his feet, he tugged me up. “Come on.”
He led me back to the bed, tucking me in again. Climbing under the covers himself again. I laid my head on his shoulder, while he rubbed my back.
“It’s okay. Cry, scream, shout. You can even hit me, if you want.” He murmured. “But I won’t let you hurt yourself.”
Another flare, and I buried my face in his carapace, sobbing openly, unabashedly.
“It hurts.”
“I know.”
“I can’t do this.”
“You can. It’s going to be okay. You’ve got this.”
“Garrus...”
“I know.”
He held me through it all. When I rolled over, he followed, wrapping his arms around me from behind. Pressing his face into my hair. Letting me know he was still here, still comforting me.
Time dragged on still, the minutes ticking by.
The lights were slowly getting brighter, and we were still awake. I was still wailing that I couldn’t handle it. That it would’ve been better if Cerberus hadn’t brought me back. He listened to it all, quieting me with words of comfort. Assurances that it would get better, that I would be okay. It was just a matter of time. But the more time that passed, the less I believed him. This was going to be my forever- and I couldn’t handle it.
We docked at the Citadel sometime later, and he pulled a tank top and a pair of leggings from my closet. Once I was dressed, he took me to the nearest dentist on the station, who was more than happy to see me- no doubt because of who I am.
He had to knock me out, because I kept clenching my jaw with each wave of pain, and I was so thankful for that- to be without pain for however long the removal took.
When I came out of the anesthesia, I was hit with a wave of shame and embarrassment as the memories of the night came to me. Most of it from my whining, but some of it... I’d been naked, running through the room in full view of him. He’d had to carry me. He’d had to lead me back to the bed. He’d held me through the night. I was beyond embarrassed with my actions.
Garrus was waiting for me in the waiting room, and I gave him a tight smile. My face must’ve looked so funny- my cheek full of gauze.
“How are you feeling?” He asked quietly, reaching out and grabbing my hands.
“I feel like an absolute tool.” I whispered, staring down at the floor.
“Why?”
“Because of everything I put you through... I’m so sorry...” My eyes were starting to water again.
“Shepard...” He moved one of his hands, tipping my chin up to look at him. “I stayed because I wanted to. If I’d been bothered by any of it, I would’ve left. You were in pain- I don’t hold any of that against you. If anything, I think you’re stronger than I originally thought.”
I frowned the best I could. “What do you mean?”
“You didn’t lash out. You didn’t actually pull your hair- EDI told me you were just clutching fistfuls of it. Seven pain medications were in your system, and nothing touched it- yet you made it through. You’re so much stronger than even you know.”
That sounded so ni-
“What?” I stepped back. “Seven pain meds?”
“Yeah.” He nodded, sounding pained. “Chakwas came up and gave the five more to me. She said to give you one every half hour until either I used them up or they started working. Two of them were other narcotics.”
I swallowed hard. Damn.
Shaking my head, I looked down again. “That’s... Wow. I can’t... Wow.”
“How do you feel now, though?” Again, he guided my chin up. “I mean, really.”
I thought about it for a moment. “I feel... better. Sleepy, from the anesthesia, but better. It’ll be a few days before I tell for sure, though. The dentist said that I might be in a bit of pain after the numbing injection wears off.” I gave a small smile. “But he said it won’t be anything comparable to what I went through last night.”
He let out a relieved breath. “Good. I’m glad.”
He started leading me back to the ship.
“So, um...” I trailed off, unsure how to bring it up.
Glancing over at me, he tilted his head. “What is it?”
“Last night... I, ah...” I swallowed hard. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t... I didn’t remember that I wasn’t... ah... wearing any clothes...”
A sound that sounded suspiciously like muffled laughter left him, and I narrowed my eyes, turning my full attention on him. Yep. He was laughing at me.
“It’s okay.” He rushed to assure me. “It wasn’t your fault. It was the pain.”
I crossed my arms. “Don’t laugh at me.” My eyes prickled with tears.
He stopped abruptly, grabbing my arm and pulling me to him. “I’m not laughing at you. I was laughing at the situation. I wish I’d seen you naked under better circumstances, but I’m not complaining about it.”
I froze, sucking in a sharp breath. Had he just said...?
He mistook my stillness and silence for something else, releasing me. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. That was stup-“
I reached up, holding his head between my hands, my thumbs stroking his mandibles. “If I hadn’t just had a tooth pulled, I would kiss you, Vakarian.”
His eyes widened, searching mine. “You would-“
“I never pursued you, because I’m your superior, and I didn’t want to abuse that power. I didn’t want to make you feel forced into a relationship with-“
He leaned down, resting his forehead against mine. “Never. I thought you didn’t want me the way I want you, so I didn’t say anything. I didn’t want to jeopardize our friendship.”
“Garrus...” I sighed, before a chuckle escaped. “We’re such idiots.”
He laughed, too. “We are.”
“It’s about time.” Kasumi’s voice sounded close to my ear, and I jumped.
She revealed herself, smiling secretively.
“I was wondering when you two would confess to each other.” She glanced between us. “The sexual tension was killing us.”
“’Us?’” I asked warily.
“The rest of the crew. They had bets going, you see. On when you would realize the other liked you back.”
“You didn’t bet?” He asked.
“Oh, no. I did. And I won.” She winked. “I’m about to go collect a lot of credits.”
“What did you bet on?” I frowned.
“For the next time we went to the Citadel.” A motion between us. “And I won.”
With that, she cloaked again and was gone. I assumed.
We looked at each other, before starting to laugh.
“So...” I began once we’d reached the elevator. “You’re going to sleep in my room from now on, yeah?”
He blinked. “I- Is that okay?”
“I wouldn’t have said it, if it wasn’t.”
“Yeah. I’d like that.”
“Good.” I touched his cheek, smiling a little. “I should go see Chakwas. The dentist gave me a thing for pain, and I want to let her know about it.”
We parted when the elevator stopped, but I knew we’d see each other tonight.