Chapter Text
Catra's steps resonated through the same metal corridors, reduced to a slower pace than usual by the lingering thoughts that refused to leave her mind.
A constant stream of 'what if's tormented her lately. All of them surrounding the situation she was currently in, or more specifically, the source of it:
Adora.
Everything she thought she knew about Adora had changed. What she thought her friend capable of, what her limits were; before the strings of events prior to this day, Catra was confident in her ability to predict how Adora would react to any situation, that's how she knew what kind of teasing to use, testing but never breaking her patience, that's how Catra generally knew better than getting mad at her for not... Well, that whole situation didn't matter much now, did it?
Now it was vastly different. Not only was Catra incapable of having even the slightest idea of what was in her mind, she also couldn't be one hundred percent sure that Adora hadn't been replaced for some kind of impostor. She wished the thought had come up to her as a joke, when the girl reminisced about the not-so-long-ago past months, but every time she looked into those eyes she- wait.
She came to a stop in front of the door and sighed, disappointed. Can't even concentrate in my own head.
There... Was something else, that Catra didn't want to even think about, because giving it a name was to confirm the feeling, and validate the worry her mind was drowning in.
"Force Commander," the voice resonated in the spacious, empty room, snapping Catra back to the present.
One of the many problems all this anxious thinking brought was her newfound tendency to space out.
"You called, ...Lord?" she hesitated to answer, ultimately following the same authority title that was the rest used to address her.
"Yes," the deep sound shouldn't be impossible for the owner to produce, Catra repeated internally. "I wanted to inform you about your promotion," a smile finished with a more friendly tone.
"Promotion?" she inquired a little confused. Her current position couldn't get any better, unless...
"Precisely," she said, seemingly reading the other girl's expression. "I thought there would be more to it, but it turns out all I needed was a second throne," she said casually, gesturing to a replica at her left, identical to the one she was sitting on. "You're a Lord now too, Catra."
She gulped, unsure if reverting to using their names was a relief or a bad thing, even if she was the one that started calling her 'Force Commander' in that one of hers whenever they met in this room or in the halls as, probably, a joke.
"That's great, Adora," she swallowed the doubt in her voice.
And she would've left, or just stood there on her feet until she was dismissed as long as it meant not closing the space between them. But when Adora gestured her to sit by her side, Catra obliged.
This was the feeling that had been pestering Catra since... Everything.
Fear. Of Adora, of all people.
So much had happened, so quick, and Catra couldn't help but think it was clearly her fault, even by the tinniest amount, because in her eyes she was the one who started it all.
She wondered what would've happened if she didn't manage to convince Adora that day.
"What do you mean by- Whoa!" Catra jumped at the sight of the fairly big sword. "Did you go back for it? That's the reason you left me behind?" She said jokingly.
"Yeah, sorry about that. It's just-"
"Yeah, yeah, 'It was calling you' or whatever. You told me already. But what's all this about you being a-" Catra chuckled at the idea. "Princess?"
"Well... Do you remember those guys we ran into the second time?"
"You mean the little princess and the guy with a bow?" Adora nodded. "Well the short one didn't seem happy about you even touching the thing. What about them?"
"Well I ran into them, again."
"Alone?" she said a little worried. "Boy, I should've been there to see how you kicked their butts," she laughed discarding the feeling.
"Yes, exactly," Adora said with confidence, making Catra raise an eyebrow. "I mean that's exactly what happened, but only because of this," she raised the sword, making it shine slightly at her touch. "I don't think I would've made it if I wasn't able to transform."
"Transform?" Catra asked a little incredulously.
"Yes, I... I think is better if I show you," Adora said taking her legs off the platform's railings.
She took a couple of steps back and briefly locked eyes with Catra's, a mixture of curiosity and expectation in the catgirl.
Then she raised the sword, struck a dramatic pose and said the words:
"For the honor of Greyskull!"
In a flashy fashion, Adora was replaced for a girl double her size, double the muscle, and double the blonde. Catra was in shock clearly, but not the bad kind of shock Adora was dreading.
"Woah... So this is what you meant by being a princess?" She finally spoke.
"Yeah, and I don't understand it myself either, it just- It happened. They were on top of me and the moment I managed to touch the sword I just had this feeling and I said that random stuff and boom I'm big now! But I managed to beat a princess so... Y-you don't hate it, right?" Adora blurted out nervously.
"What?! No! Adora, this is amazing!" Catra said quickly snapping out of her loss of words. "We can use this to make things quicker."
"What do you mean?"
"Going up in the ranks of the Horde, of course! Think about it. You're already a Force Commander, and know you have this magic sword that transforms you into a princess'-ass-kicking machine. They will love you."
"And maybe now Shadow Weaver will let all of you guys be part of my squad, right?" Adora said full of hope.
"Yeah, sure, that too," Catra said looking away from her.
The sigh of relief at her right brought Catra out of her memories.
"That sure was boring," Adora said dropping her authoritative tone after whoever was the informant left the room. "But you look like you didn't hear a word of what they said again, so I'll fill you in," she chuckled. "Our moves haven't met any resistance from the princesses. Even more, the Whispering Woods is almost under our complete control. Next thing we crash and smash Bright Moon; one kingdom less to go."
'Crash and smash' Catra thought. She knew Adora was referring to both Catra and herself, but just how nonchalantly Adora talked about an invasion on the neighbor kingdom to the Fright Zone they haven't been able to conquer for years reminded Catra that the person in front of her couldn't be Adora. Catra would've talked about things like this while Adora looked concerned, not be the one to plan the whole thing.
A combination of a buff, two and half meters tall princess that could summon a sword of dubious origin at will, and her usual self. It was Adora, of course. But Catra refused to believe this. Because Adora wouldn't be so casual about realizing part of their childhood dream- Catra's childhood dream of conquering the world beyond the Fright Zone. That dream was always hers, not Adora's, and Bright Moon was only desired by their old leader. Even the sole wish of being a leader in the Horde was imposed unto Adora by... Her. So who, exactly, given the current state of affairs, would the "real" Adora fight for here?
Catra chose to ignore the fact that she already knew the answer.
It was more simple to do that instead of embracing the fact the girl she grew up with was capable of everything she had done up until now, possibly even more, and that Catra was responsible of this change in some meaningful way.
"Catra? Are you okay?" Adora inquired after seeing the distant expression on her eyes, the worry in her voice reminder of the fact that her old-self was still there, somewhere.
"Huh? Oh, yeah. Just a little overwhelmed with the new position, is all." she lied.
She hardly did anything fitting for this, or her previous position. Not like Adora cared, anyway.
Adora stared at her.
This was another of the new problems her constantly busy mind brought her. She had lost one of the two skills Catra was most proud of: Lying.
Social skills, influence over others, or "plain manipulation", how Adora used to call it.
Now every time she tried to put on her facade in front of anyone she failed miserably to do so, to preoccupied with whatever little thing the blonde had said to her. Not uncommon for her, Catra thought, to overthink everything Adora said, afraid that she got her on the wrong train of thought, out of her reach. Only now she was constantly trying to decipher what Adora meant out of necessity instead of convenience.
Lately she wondered if she couldn't lie to Adora without her noticing it even if she tried.
If that was the case, Adora hadn't mentioned it.
"Okay," she hummed before grinning mischievously "I'll see you later then. You go ahead, I will see how the investigation is going," she said looking back towards the laboratory.
Catra nodded, and awkwardly exited the room, never returning her gaze, fully knowing that if she did so her eyes would meet Adora's, staring her frame until she disappeared out of her sight.
On her way to their bedroom, Catra slipped away again into her mind, founding interest in identifying the exact moment Adora took this apparently sharp turn.
After revealing her newfound ability, Shadow Weaver felt free to express how she "knew" that Adora was special, and that she was right to keep her all those years ago, never elaborating more than that, which annoyed Catra to no-end. Adora, on the other hand, didn't think too much about it at the time, more worried about the fact that Catra and the rest were still rejected from the army. But in the process of regaining control over the Whispering Woods under Hordak's orders, Adora found an ancient looking building deep in the forest.
It called her, too, just like the sword, Adora explained to Catra, and what she found inside were answers to questions Adora didn't knew she had, but now she couldn't live without.
In reality, the weapon was the long-lost Sword of Protection, a device that could transform the wielder into She-Ra, Princess of Power, tasked with bringing balance to Etheria, or in this case, helping the Rebellion to win over the Horde. Catra laughed at the irony of the situation, but the somber expression remained on Adora's face, making the other girl worry that her friend was seriously considering joining the Rebellion.
Adora was an alien, or rather, from another dimension... apparently. It was confusing for Adora to process everything the hologram in the ruins said to her, but the reality was that she wasn't "found" or "saved" like the ever inconsistent stories from Weaver explained; she was taken from wherever she originally came from.
"And what about it?"
Adora stared at Catra with dumbfounded eyes for too long before suddenly snapping at her.
"What do you mean by 'what about it', Catra?! I don't- I don't know who I am! Where I come from... I mean, why was I taken? Doesn't that make you feel bad?"
"No," she said flatly. "I don't know 'where' I come from either. In fact, everyone in the Horde is an orphan, so it probably isn't that crazy to assume that they were taken away from somewhere, too."
"You knew this?" Adora said with betrayed eyes.
"What?" she replied, not happy with how dramatic Adora was acting "No- Well, yeah, sort of. I mean, think about it, why are we all orphans? From where do they take so much kids anyway? I didn't have a full idea of it until now, but I didn't worry too much about it," she glanced at the other girl with an annoyed look. "And neither should you."
"Wh-Why not?! It's... important! It's wrong! It's..."
"Unfair?" Catra offered sarcastically, and scoffed when Adora vigorously nodded. "Nothing in this place is fair Adora. I kinda get why you would think like that, looking at how nice Shadow Weaver always treats you, because you are special, but nobody else got that. You are the exception, even if we all come from 'a different dimension' or whatever. We don't get to complain."
Catra stared at the horizon again, content with her rant. She had constantly tried to open Adora's eyes to the world for years, but she always had a hard time noticing anything of the sort, and never fully realized how worse everyone else had it. It was exhausting, really, hearing her go on about the rest not being selected for the team, like it was the most unexpected thing in the world, like the rest of them weren't expecting that outcome anyway.
Always those kind of little things that Catra just lived with, but Adora couldn't bring herself to even realize their full extent.
But now she had to oh denounce the injustice that it is being just a faceless minion to the Horde, unaware that every soldier they knew had suffered at some point or another this same revelation, this same "identity crisis", and were quickly made to forget with more training.
You don't get to complain.
She was about to voice that final thought, but when she looked at Adora she saw a face full of uncertainty, and possibly, hopefully, guilt. She wondered if everything had finally clicked in Adora's mind. But she didn't like to further attack Adora when she was like this, even if she deserved it. She was so... vulnerable. It almost made those years watching how highly she was treated worth it, because now she got to see this girl struggling to comprehend it all; the same girl who thought 'everything will be fine', the girl who thought there were the bad guys and the good guys, and that the closest thing to a mother they had was this firm but caring person.
"Naive," escaped from Catra's lips, making Adora turn around. "But it's fine," Catra said with a sigh, turning around and putting her hand on Adora's shoulder. "They make the rules, and we gotta stick with it, but soon enough we will make the rules. The two of us. Conquer the world, remember?" She smiled and soon Adora was smiling too.
The relief was short-lived.
"That's what you meant?" she asked, the smile falling a little.
"Huh?"
"'Conquer the world'. Th-That's what you meant? That we have to force our way to the top to make things remotely right?" She said mildly surprised.
It wasn't that simple. It never was that simple. But she just couldn't understand, could she? It was either black or white.
So, like always, Catra gave in.
"...Yeah. That's how it is, haven't you figured?" she said defeated, returning her gaze to the crimson horizon.
"Catra, I was eight when you told me that."
"Yeah well at that age I already understood," Catra cut short trying her best to not start another rant.
She couldn't possibly explain it all to Adora, right?
"No you didn't," Adora said with that tone she used when she believed with all her might that she was right.
Just like talking to a wall.
"Adora, please just shut up."
"What?! You can't tell me you knew all along, we were k-!"
"You were," Catra hissed.
She held her gaze, some repressed hate floating out.
After a while she finally said, "Remember when we met Adora?" venom in her voice.
"I was hurt. By someone. And I ran to the only place I knew I could be left alone, to steel myself for the other day, in which I would be hurt, again," She thought to explain how it was the same for everyone, or to clarify that she was hurt in training, just to be sure Adora understood. But when seeing the undivided attention in her eyes, decided against it.
Maybe this was the one.
"Everyday was hell for me. And that hell was brought upon me by the very same person you idolize, Adora," she turned away in order to prevent getting too emotional looking directly at the other girl. "So when that stupid kid approached me, who clearly didn't want anything to do with anyone, I pushed her away, I wished that kid was dead. Who does she think she is?! The favorite one, lowering herself to my level. Was it pity? Was it a joke? Ha! As if. She was just openly stupid.
"She never stopped to think why I was like that, but not because she didn't care... Oh no, she did care," Catra hugged her knees and tangled her tail around them. "She cared too much, in fact. But still, stupid. Stupid enough to take multiple scratches to the face and still be so goddamn stubborn, and stay," she sighed. "She stayed. Never left. And I lived with the fear that someday she might leave, because I wouldn't be able to take it... But sometimes you're just so stupid Adora!" She whipped her head at her, and saw that she, too, was crying.
Hoping she was getting the message, Catra continued.
"Open your eyes. With the sword we are this close to being able to tell everybody else to screw themselves, this close to make them pay, but you can't cry over every little thing, okay?! Because I don't. I can't, nobody would hear me, you wouldn't hear me. But I have heard you every single time, so this time, shut up. I won't explain it to you, and you wouldn't understand even if you tried to."
There was silence after that.
Catra considered jumping from the platform into the roofs. Escape the feelings. But Adora asked:
"I... What did she do to you?"
"What...? That's what you care about? Adora you saw what she did, what she does to everyone excep-"
"I don't care about the others, what did she do to you?" She repeated with a stern look.
This was getting confusing to Catra. Now Adora was angry at the possibility of Catra being mistreated. She even forgot to worry over how Adora was supposed to abandon her after that rant.
"Gee, what happened to being worried for the others?" the girl said with sarcasm.
"I'm not joking Catra," she said in an awfully serious tone.
"I don't... Why don't you go ask her?" She said in a passive-aggressive voice in a last attempt to make her go away. She decided she needed some time alone.
Adora looked like she was considering it. Perhaps for her own reasons.
Without a word apart from another long look, a glimpse of something Catra hadn't seen before in her eyes, she got up, and Catra saw how her figure disappeared into the metal corridors, the sword on her back.