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Blitzø’s been over this far too many times to keep making the same mistake.
The first time was embarrassing, not that the other times weren’t, but this one was a rookie level fuck up, real amateur-hour shit.
He had been fucking him in the missionary position which okay wasn’t the brightest idea, but the bird asked him, no—pleaded with him in the sweetest voice if he could ‘look at me this time’. With big old eyes and a small self-conscious smile.
How could he say no to that?
Then Stolas had his legs wrapped around him. Their fingers intertwined as they held onto each other’s hands. His tail wrapped around his subconsciously. He thrusted into him at a moderate pace as their panting filled the room.
But it wasn’t any of that. None of that was what did him in.
Stolas locked eyes with him the entire time. Every moan, every cry, every call of his name: Quivering damming red eyes met hard yellow. They didn’t say anything for a long time; there wasn’t anything extra. No biting, smacking, teasing, toys, straps, chains, nothing.
Just them. Just them.
Stolas brought one of their entwined hands to his chest, forcing Blitzø to lean over more toward him. He placed his hand over his heart and covered it with his. Blitzø could feel the fast beating inside as Stolas pressed their hands tightly to his chest. It made him dizzy. It made his breath die in his throat. It took every last thought in his head and chucked it somewhere far away.
It made him warm.
It made him angry.
He snarled at him and picked up the pace. Hands moved to grip his wrists instead as he leaned forward even more. Bending the prince in half as he fucked him.
Stolas’s eyes widened and his breath hitched, a dark flush painted over his cheeks. Blitzø grinned.
That’s what he fucking thought. This is what he really wanted—to be dominated, used, treated like a—
A sudden look of longing settled on the prince’s face, taking him off guard.
Stolas’s small white pupils appeared and flickered from his eyes to lower on his face. He let out a whine, a short sound of desperation and want. Damn, that’s kind of hot—what could he possibly..?
“K-Kiss me?”
Oh.
Oh. A-aha.
Something heavy and damming filled his heart.
“I…can’t reach.” He responded lamely.
Devastation, then closed eyes and a smile.
“Yes, that's right. S-silly m-me.”
He sucked in a breath.
Blitzø let go of his wrists and ran his hands all over the feathers on his chest as if to say sorry. He didn’t know why felt the need to, but he looked so disappointed and sad, he just—he couldn’t—
Stolas brought his hands up to hold Blitzø’s face. Thumbs gently caressed his cheekbones while the softest of smiles grace his features.
Their eyes relocked. Softening yellow into gentle red.
Their bodies rocked together, much slower now but still enough to climb closer and closer to their peaks. A weird feeling encompassed him, a familiar scary one that should have been a warning sign but he was too gone to notice.
Stolas let go first. Gasping and shaking, tightening his legs around his hips. Still looking into his eyes, still holding his face as if he were something precious.
“Blitzø.” A content, satisfied, whisper. As if he had found inner fucking peace.
That’s what did him in.
“I love you.”
Stolas gasped as Blitzø released inside him. Giving a few thrusts to work them both through their orgasms. Faces screwed up in pleasure.
After they finished. Blitzø just sat there, eyes tightly shut, trying to not let the panic overwhelm him as voices filled his head.
Have you fucking lost it?! What are you?? Sixteen?? Are you really so fucking stupid that you really just—oh.
Naive.
Pitiful.
Stupid— stupid.
He could hear different voices of his past laughing at him, mixed with his own.
He needed to run. He needed to get away before-
Stolas grabbed his hand and yanked him down, crushing him to his chest. Blitzø held his breath as he felt long arms wrap around him. Admittedly he was too damn scared to make a big show of his usual annoyance of cursing and squirming away, so instead, he laid still. A blanket was pulled over them. A soft sigh was let out followed by a few seconds of silence before quiet snoring began.
. . .
Haha.
Hahaha.
Oh thank Satan, he didn’t hear it!
Relief flooded his system as he let out a shaky breath. He was gonna get away with it Scott-free! No, awkward conversations, no hearing ‘Ah, I am sorry, I just don’t feel the same.’ No getting kicked out or laughed at. No pain. He can just forget this ever happened!
Well not entirely, he needed to make sure this doesn’t ever happen again. Knowing how his life usually goes, there was no way he’d get so lucky twice. So no more missionary. Can’t risk it.
And he was sure it was just that, just him getting lost looking into those pretty eyes while he got his dick wet. Confusing him into a swirl of emotions and getting sucked up in it. Juvenile, but an honest mistake.
Something that’ll never happen again. Definitely not. Nope.
It happens again.
They weren’t even doing any of that vanilla shit.
He had Stolas strapped to a small table in his bedroom. His legs spread wide with his feet cuffed to the table. His arms were tied up with his hands behind his back. He was situated on his knees - face down as he thrusted into him over and over.
This was more manageable, just filthy meaningless, rough sex. The status quo.
No way in any of the rings of hell could he mess this up.
“Ha-ah-Blitzy.”
“Yeah? You like that?
“Mmm-mhm! Y-yes!”
“Love being tied up and fucked?”
“Y-Yes!!”
“Love being my little slut?” He enunciated it with a hard thrust.
“O-Oh! Fuck, yesss.”
“Love spreading these chicken legs for me?”
That got a different kind of response, an agitated one.
“C-Chicken legs?”
“Yup, long skinny ones.”
“Chicken legs are short!”
“That’s why I said long ones!”
“Why not compare me to something with l-long legs-”
“Dammit Stolas, I was trying to lead to a stuffing innuendo!”
“W-why didn’t you pick—Ah, right there oh!—a turkey?”
“…Huh?”
“They get stuffed more than chickens do!”
“You really tryin' to get technical while I’m balls deep inside you?”
Stolas was quiet for a moment which made him stop. He was about to ask what’s wrong when he suddenly heard a quiet chuckling. It gradually increased in volume. Louder and louder until soon enough, actual hooting in between the laughs.
“Haha ha—I suppose I am!”
The sound of his laughter and the stupidity of it all made him join in too. A sudden range of emotions threatening to burst in his chest was his one and only warning.
A snort, “You’re a fucking dork, I love you—”
. . .
Deafening silence filled his head. His vision blurred.
No way.
No. Fucking. Way.
Distantly he could still hear Stolas laughing, it was muffled in his ears. Panic seized him. He didn’t say anything else, he didn’t even think as he restarted a fast and brutal pace with his hips. Blitzø knew his only chance was to overwhelm him so he doesn’t process what was said.
Stolas let out a surprised yelp followed by a moan. Other things were said but he couldn’t focus on that as it all turned to static in his mind.
He couldn’t focus on anything - tears of frustration threatened to spill in the corner of his eyes.
Fuck, fuck, FUCK!
Again?
He really said it.
A g a i n.
His only mission now was to make them both cum as quickly as possible, internally cursing out any piece of shit deity out there over his predicament, his bad shitty luck, and the unfairness of it all along the way.
He thanked every generous deity out there for Stolas not hearing him a second time.
They laid in bed, sharing a smoke. Stolas reading a book while he messed with his phone. Trying to pretend that his heart wasn’t doing flips in his chest or that his brain wasn’t screaming bloody murder at him.
Blitzø honestly could not believe his luck…Again. Maybe this was a sign that he needed to become a gambling man. Or a sign that his life could actually cut him slack. First time for everything after all.
…Or maybe it was a sign that he needed to get his fucking shit together.
Saying he lov—the ‘L’ word during sex didn’t exactly mean anything. People get lost in that euphoria all the time. Emotions run high, the pleasure’s so great it’s blinding, and the ego boost from making your partner feel good was just pure ecstasy. So it only made sense that he just needed to be a little careful during sex was all. Yeah…Yeah!! That’s all.
Never mind the fact that he hadn’t said that to anyone else during sex in a very long time. Never mind the fact that he couldn’t even see Stolas’s face this time. Never mind that it was Stolas laughing that did him in.
Never mind all that! He was just getting soft! He just needed to get into his thick skull that just because he was fucking someone on the regular, it didn’t mean anything. It was just sex! Just sex.
The next time it happens was not during sex.
They were in his (admittedly cool) garden picking strawberries. A peaceful activity to some, but a boring and tedious one for him. He couldn’t care less about plants that he couldn’t smoke, and he wasn't really a fan of strawberries that weren’t drowned in whipped cream or chocolate.
Now, one may be wondering why he agreed to go strawberry picking at all then? Simple, he lost a great grueling battle of wits, both sides unrelenting, an epic showdown between two very stubborn and skillful demons with neither willing to relent.
Stolas had said ‘please?’ with a warm and hopeful expression which in turn made him wheeze out a ‘sure’.
Truly a hard fight to overcome.
He groaned loudly as he yanked on another strawberry and threw it into their basket.
Stolas who had been humming to himself behind him stopped and sighed.
“Oh come now Blitzy! I know this doesn't really captivate you, but this can be very relaxing and fun if you give it a chance!”
“I am giving it a chance. I'm doing it aren’t I?” He yanked on another strawberry.
“Yes, but you are doing it all wrong Blitzy!”
“How can I be doing it wrong? How is there even a wrong way? You take them out and put them in the basket.”
He heard another sigh before the sound of steps approached him. A solid weight then pressed itself on his back, a hand covering his own. His bastard of a heart skips a beat as Stolas brings their hands up to a strawberry.
Now, Blitzø’s been intimate with a good amount of people. Has felt bodies pressed up against him more times than he cared to count. Not an overly large number, but certainly nothing to scoff at.
And with Stolas? He probably knew what his body felt like pressed against his better than he knew anything else. Could map him out better than he could his own home. Being touched by him normally wouldn’t even make him bat an eye.
And yet, being here, so close to him, fully clothed, did something to him.
Then a voice started speaking right in his ear. The other must have been kneeling.
“In the human realm, strawberries change colors as they ripen.”
Their hands gently took hold of its stem.
“Red is their standard color which indicates they are ready to be picked. But are white as they grow.”
They twist it. His breath catches.
“While the red color is vibrant and stunning in its own right, there is something so…charming about that white.
They pinched it.
“How it becomes pink and eventually red.”
They pulled the stem off along with the fruit, and Stolas brought it to their faces. Holding it slightly high so that it could catch the light-
Holy shit.
“But I wondered…How would these colors look mixed together?”
It wasn’t red, white, or pink. No, it was-
“So admittedly, I charmed these strawberries to have the ability to change their color. A mixture of its white in its infant stages and red in their harvesting one.”
The strawberry kept changing before his eyes ever so slightly from white to red and back to white again until it finally settled into a bizarre mixture of the two.
“Red and white is such a beautiful mixture isn’t it?”
Blitzø’s eyes widened.
Stolas placed the fruit in the basket and stood to give him space. His back felt cold.
Get it together, you know how absentminded and ditzy he could be. There’s no way he meant it like that.
“But the charm goes away when it's bruised, and unfortunately darling, these fruits do bruise very easily, so do try to be gentle.”
His head slowly turned to their basket to see some of the strawberries swirled in color while some of them were just plain red and harshly bruised.
Damn, he felt bad. He probably should apologize.
“And here I thought you liked it rough.”
Nailed it.
Stolas just laughed, “Not this time, I’m afraid!”
It trailed off. Silence grew between them for a moment before the humming began again.
Blitzø finally turned to face him.
And immediately knew it was a mistake.
Because there stood Stolas.
Stolas in the sunlight. Stolas gently picking at the strawberries. Stolas’s soothing voice in the air. Stolas smiling. Stolas singing to the ‘beautiful mixture of white and red’. Stolas being happy. Stolas being himself. Stolas, who touched Blitzø in a way that he hasn’t experienced in a very long time. Stolas, who invited him to do something as normal as strawberry picking. Stolas, who wanted to show Blitzø the right way to do it.
Stolas. Stolas. Stolas.
It was too late. He couldn’t stop it even if he tried.
“I love you.” It was said so quietly that even the soft singing could easily carry the sound.
It doesn’t stop.
And after a while, he doesn’t even try to stop it.
Under his breath, while Stolas was distracted, in bed, alone, in a crowd. On a mission, on the phone, while Stolas was screaming his name, while he showed him the stars. It seems like he couldn’t stop saying it. Like he physically needed to say it over and over again.
Stolas didn’t hear it a single time. Guess he’s lucky that Stolas can get so lost in whatever he’s doing…or being done to him.
If he ever heard it, that would be the end. Just as it always had, every time without fail. He’d be kicked to the curb or worse. And with a family and a business to keep afloat, he really needed this not to end. So it was better this way. It was always better this way.
He knew this.
And yet, all he could feel was longing.
They were in his office.
Stolas had barged in during business hours without care if he was busy or not as per fucking usual.
. . .
He wasn’t but still, fucking rude!
He half listened to his ramblings about how the other missed him, how he needed to answer his texts more often, and… other stuff, he didn’t know - he really wasn’t paying attention. It was all the same shit he heard all the time anyways, especially at work.
And yet something was different. It took him a while into the long word vomit to pinpoint exactly what.
But then Stolas smiled at him and his heart fluttered.
Ah…
That’s right.
He smiled back at Stolas, “Okay bird brain, I’ll answer your texts more often.”
Said bird smiled even wider, his face dusted lightly in a pretty pink.
“Promise darling?”
He rolled his eyes but didn’t stop smiling “I promise.”
“And you’ll visit me more?”
“Sure.”
“And you’ll call me sometime?”
“Fine.”
“And you’ll ravage my aching-”
“Would you look at that, I’m getting a call from a client. Tough. Oh well, bye Stolas. ”
He started pushing him towards the door with great difficulty.
“Funny. I don’t believe I hear a phone?” Said with a teasing tone.
“We’re going through a tunnel and the connection’s bad.”
A laugh for that. “So mean to me, Blitzy!”
“I’ll be mean to you tonight if you don’t leave .”
He opened the door and tried ushering the prince through.
“Oh Blitzy. Don’t promise me with a good time.”
“You mean threaten.”
“I know what I said.”
Blitzø snorted “Fine, just go.” He gave him another shove.
“Fine fine, bye my darling little imp~”
“Yeah, yeah love you bye.”
He slammed the door behind him. He let out a sigh of annoyance but still couldn’t quite keep the grin off his face.
He turned back around-
And his three employees were staring at him slack jawed. Well, except for Loona who was still glancing his way.
“Wow, got nothing better to do? Had to sit through our free show? If you want to watch, Imma need a tip.”
“Sir we were in the middle of a meeting.”
…Oh.
Shit.
Guess he was busy.
“My bad.”
Silence filled the room, it stretched for a while until Millie broke it.
“…Love you, bye?”
“Hmm?”
Moxxie and Millie blinked at him.
“That’s what you said as the prince was leaving.”
He replayed it back in his head.
“Oh yeah I guess I did.”
Moxxie sputtered.
“You guess?”
“Yeah?”
Surprisingly it was Loona who responded.
“You just casually tell him you love him and you’re not freaking out?”
“Well it’s not the first time.”
All three of them froze, shocked. Then-
“Not the first time?!?!”
They were on his balcony.
Everything’s dark aside from the full moon above them.
He was surprised when he climbed to the top for their routine shacking to see Stolas standing there waiting for him. A glass of wine in his hand.
He planted himself on the railing and began swinging his feet.
“Didn’t peg you for a wine drinker.”
“I’m not. Stella prefers it and it was all we had.”
“Bored?”
“Not exactly. I felt as though I needed some—”
Stolas smiles softly down at his glass. Swirling its contents around.
“—Liquid courage as they say.”
“Oh, we doing something fucked tonight?” He wiggled his eyebrows.
Stolas brought a hand to his mouth to laugh behind it, and damn did that feel good.
“Should I have a drink? How wild are we talking?”
The laughter eventually died down before Stolas looked off to the side, facing away from him.
“Actually, we need to talk.”
…No.
Blitzø’s froze as his entire world lost focus. His choker suddenly felt way too tight on his neck.
“I’m afraid I am not very good with words so please have some patience with me.”
He wanted to jump off the balcony. Get in his van and drive off a cliff. This couldn’t be happening-there were no signs, no change in behavior, everything was okay. Everything was supposed to be okay. How could it not be okay?!?!
Stolas offered him the glass in his hands.
His throat went dry.
“If you still would like some—”
“Do you have the bottle?”
Stolas stilled before slowly snapping his fingers and a bottle of wine rested in Blitzø’s hand. He undid the cork with his teeth and downed as much of it as he could.
“Okay, ready.” He wasn’t.
A few moments of silence passed between them. The air was filled with ambient white noise and fireflies. Which was funny considering they don’t actually get anything that pleasant or serene in hell. Meaning Stolas must have put them there.
It would have moved him if he wasn’t currently falling apart.
“As I said…I am not the best at words. I—”
A forced chuckle. “Even wrote out a script of what I wanted to say and practiced it in front of the mirror several times.”
The moon looked beautiful. It always was when full, he hoped after this he could still look at it and appreciate it.
He hoped it didn’t become a source of pain.
“But…Anything I say now feels as if it’d be too much.”
Blitzø wished he would keep beating around the bush forever. Blitzø also wished that he would get on with it and rip the band-aid off.
“I kept waiting. I…Felt as if I were going insane but it kept happening with nothing changing, and I am afraid I can wait no longer. So I will say it instead, with the same beautiful simplicity as you’ve given me.”
Stolas’s face was inches from his. When did he get so close?
“Blitzø.”
Blitzø. Blitzø.
His chin was taken in between long, elegant fingers. Tilting his head up, so their eyes met.
“I love you too.”
…What?
“What?”
Stolas tilted his head at him, his expression soft.
“I love you too, Blitzø.”
…Huh?
“Huh?”
The hand moved from his chin to cup his face. Thumb brushing his cheek.
”I’ll say it as many times as you need me to. I love you.”
“You. Love me?”
“Yes, darling. I love you too.”
Hearing it a fourth time didn’t make it easier.
“…Too?”
Stolas stepped a little away from him and laughed beautifully. The sound made him weak.
“As in ‘as well’ my love!”
My love.
“I didn’t say it though.”
The bird smiled slyly.
“Oh but Blitzy, you have. Several times in fact.”
Confusion came in, but then a sudden flood of realization and something else, something tense. His stomach dropped.
“You heard me say it?”
“Everytime.”
Everytime.
Everytime…
Well shit.
“Oh.” Real smooth dumbass.
Stolas’s hands moved to rest on the railing on either side of him. Trapping him.
“Why didn’t you say anything about it?”
Stolas stepped closer.
“I was worried it didn’t mean anything.”
Their foreheads pressed together.
“I was worried it was a joke.”
His eyes closed.
“I was worried you would stop saying it.”
Their breaths shook.
”I was…afraid it was all a lie.”
They didn’t move.
Stolas whispered, “Please tell me I haven’t been lied to.”
And there it was. An out.
He could deny it. He could deny it and run. Running away was all he’s ever known. He could tell him that he didn’t mean to say it—he could break their hearts right there and spare them any future pain. Worse pain. The voices of the people he had lost told him to go. Mocked any small glimmer of hope that he had. It was familiar they told him, it was safe, it was his way.
But he already knew.
There was no escaping this. He couldn't escape it.
He didn’t want to.
“You haven’t been lied to.” Soft. A whisper.
Stolas cried out and brought their lips together. It was soft, sweet, and slow. All things they have never felt before aside from the first time that damned them both. Blitzø closed his own eyes and kissed him back. Hands grabbing at him, trying to steady himself, ground him. Because right then and there he felt like he was flying.
Felt like he was dying.
They kissed. And kissed and kissed.
When they finally broke apart, they opened their eyes to look at each other once more.
“Say it again, Blitzø.” A plea.
This time was different, this time he knew it was gonna happen before it did. The same lump of emotions. The same fluttering and swelling of his heart. All the things he recognized now. All things that terrified him.
But maybe…he didn't have to be.
“I love you.”
The first time it was said back to him was on that balcony.