Chapter Text
“Hey! Finally!”
“Yeah! Had some traffic. Made it. These are for you.”
Mile handed Apo a case of beer and tequila as Apo welcomed him into his apartment. Mile had brought some red wine for himself. He has never enjoyed the taste of beer. He preferred wine, the darker the better.
Apo had ordered in the usual from the street vendor. A few fruit choices were on the countertop. It was their thing. Once a month they get together. Apo supplies the food. Mile supplies the alcohol. And they just let the night happen. It started back during filming when Mile was having a hard time getting out of character. Apo invited him over for drinks and listening to music. It turned into a weightlifting competition. Mind you- there were no weights in Apo’s apartment, so they lifted things they could find laying around. Most of the furniture was too light by itself so usually one of them was sitting on the piece for added weight. The night ended with Mile crashing on the couch and Apo passing out on the floor. That was when they both realized they needed this. They needed each other. And their monthly appointments were born.
Apo straight way got plates and utensils and began dividing the food amongst the two of them. He made sure to give an extra helping of vegetables on Mile's plate, because he knows he hates them- Apo never misses a moment to tease Mile. Mile immediately began fixing their drinks, opening two beers for Apo- he knows how fast he can go through them sometimes- and pouring a glass of wine for himself, and a glass of water for each of them. Apo set the food on the countertop bar. He usually prefers to eat outside on the balcony, or inside near the window, but Mile preferred inside, as close to a formal dinner setting as he could get. So the compromise was always the countertop bar. App had noticed the difference between them early on. It was almost as if they were night and day, yin and yang. Even how they arranged the food on their plate showed how different they were. Apo enjoyed his food mixed together taking pleasure and how the flavors mingled. Mile liked his separated. They had discussed it once, on one of the nights that they were spending time together like this. Mile had said he likes how each food has its own unique flavor that needs to be given quality appreciation. Apo said he was just a stiff that was missing out on delicious food.
That was something else to these nights. It had become a sanctuary to both men. There was no age difference on these nights. There was no phi or nong- just two brothers, two friends on equal ground.
The conversation was the same as it always was every time they were together. Music. Work. Sports. Government. World events. The atmosphere undulating between casual and lighthearted to worry and tense then back to lighthearted.
On occasion the topic would turn a little more personal. They would mention things happening with their family or their own struggles. They were always there to support each other and offer advice. One of the things Mile learned early about Apo was his chronic depression. That's probably why these nights were so important to both of them. It gave Mile a chance to check in on Apo and see how he was doing, and it gave Apo an outlet when his depression would onset.
Tonight was going as usual. Mostly smiles and pleasant conversation. Mile missed this part the most. When they were filming they spent almost every day together. This cherished time only happened away from the studio-and away from others. It was something that was theirs and theirs only. Mile would deny how close he felt to Apo if anyone asked. They had been through so much as partners before the first day of filming, it was hard to deny the bond they shared. There would never be another Apo for Mile. He had never said as much to Apo, but he didn’t think he needed to.
They moved to the couch to sit more comfortably. Mile enjoyed Apo’s apartment. It was much nicer than he thought it might be for where he lived. He even had a few flowers and herbs growing on the balcony. The balcony had a perfect view of the night sky. Since it was facing away from the city lights the stars always had center stage. Mile was admiring the starry night when the silence hit him. Apo is many things- silent is not one of them. Usually his silence was the beginning of his depression. Apo was studying his beer can. Mile probed a little.
“Something interesting printed on that can ‘Po?”
More silence. But it did earn him a half smile.
Mile tried again.
“Feet.” Mile patted his lap. He knew Apo couldn’t resist putting his feet in Mile’s lap. It was something else that was their thing.
Apo swung his feet up into Mile’s lap and made himself more comfortable on the couch.
“Did I tell you about Dao?”
Mile is intrigued. “No. Who is she?”
“A friend of a friend.”
Mile waited for more. Just silence. But his feet danced harder. A tale-tell sign he wanted to talk more. So Mike dug deeper.
“A close friend perhaps?”
Apo shrugged. “She probably wants to be. Expects it? I don’t know.”
Mile was intrigued. So this was romantic?
“Do you want to be close friends? Or maybe more than friends?”
Apo shrugged again. “ We’ve only just started talking.”
“And?”
“And…we’ve just started talking. Nothing much to say.”
Then why bring her up at all?
“Do you like her?”
Apo stiffened and looked at Mile. The pause was longer than it should be.
Apo shrugged. “How would I know, we just started talking.”
Mile looked down at his hand as he moved it cautiously from the back of the couch into Apo’s ankle. These touches were not uncommon between them. Early on they established boundaries (there were not any really). So Mile knew this touch was ok. After the pads of his fingers gently drummed his sock, he realized he missed these touches. This was not the same as when they had to film. During filming it was simply skin touching skin to meet a camera angle. After filming during these moments when it was just the two of them, it was more. Apo would never say it out loud but these touches grounded him. He was difficult and weird and felt like at times his body would take off on its own agenda. Then a hand would touch his shoulder, or place on top of his own hand. And the inner hum would calm and Apo could breathe again. Mile was the only one who could calm such a big storm with just a small gesture. In this moment, Apo found himself closing his eyes and letting himself fell back in control again.
“Tell me about her. Is she nice?” Mike was not intrigued about Dao anymore. It’s to keep Apo talking. Mile needed Apo to talk- the silence is heavy.
“What can I say? She’s nice and pretty, comes from a good family, has her master’s degree, you know. She’s good.”
“Do you want to get to know her more?”
Shoulder shrugs. That’s been most of the communication tonight concerning Dao.
“My dad is sending hints.”
“Hints? About…?”
“ You can’t live this party lifestyle forever. Who knew your sister would marry before you? It’s time to start thinking about the future.” Apo couldn’t resist rolling his eyes. Mile just watched His friend work through his frustration. It was not his place to say anything. He never met this girl before, so who was he to offer advice on whether Apo should pursue her.
“Have you?” Mike’s asked cautiously.
“Have I what?”
“Thought about your future?”
Apo's feet danced in Mile’s lap. That was the answer.
“What about you?” Apo inquired.
“Yes I thought about the future.”
And that was the truth- he had. He rather enjoyed his future when he thinks about it. Thanks to the series his modeling career was starting to pick up. And he was part of a band that played from time to time. He liked his life now. His life brought him peace.
“That's not what I was talking about.”
Apo gets frustrated, sits up, takes a long swig of the beer. Sets it down and starts unbuttoning a shirt. He takes it off, forming a makeshift pillow. His shirt and his head find a place in Mile’s lap. This is new he thinks. Feet ,yes. Legs, sometimes. His head? Never had his head been in his lap. Even during filming Apo was not one to let his head linger long near Mile’s chest. Now he did enjoy it when Apo would get slightly embarrassed and hide behind his shoulder. It was instinctual that whenever that happened he would stretch out his arm and slightly shield Apo from whatever invisible danger may be lurking near him.
“I mean have you given thought to dating.”
“No. Should I? Is now the time?” Mile was wondering where this conversation was going.
Apo studied him for a minute. When he failed formulate an answer he just stretched out his arms, put one hand behind his head and let the other one rest on his stomach. His feet started to twitch again. Mile let the silence settle in. He studied his wine, how it's rolled in the glass. The silence stretched on. Pretty soon he noticed things like his own heartbeat, the air conditioner in the room, Apo's breathing.
“Do you miss it?”
The wine in the glass stopped moving. Mile could lie and say no he does not miss it. But then again there is nothing wrong with him saying yes.
If he is honest, he misses it dearly. All of it. He thinks back to the time when they thought the series would never air. He thought back to the encouragement Apo gave him. He thought back to the workshops and how they learned from each other. He thought back to the filming and how Apo trusted him- how he trusted Apo. He thought back to how often they held hands. He thought back to their kisses.
He could lie. But why lie now. They have never lied to each other.
“Yes I miss it.”
Mile finally turns his attention to Apo, who was ready to meet his eyes. In this moment, it would be so easy to slip back into Kinn and Porsche. Kinn would take his fingers and gently trace Porsche’s face, ending at his jawline, and would lean down for a kiss. That would be expected of Kinn.
This is not the night for Kinn. He has retreated back into the novel. This was Mile- and his ‘Po.
“I miss you.” Mile was not Kinn. Kinn held in his feelings, didn’t know how to communicate. Mile was a master communicator. He knew what to say at the exact moment it needed to be said. When he said he missed Apo, he meant it. It was up to Apo what to do with that information.
Apo closed his eyes. Mile watched as he took several deep breaths. He noticed he had the Porsche look. It’s the look he uses when Porsche feels betrayed, or disappointed that Kinn doesn’t trust him, or he is at a crossroads. Mile has learned it’s a genuine look that belongs to Apo. It causes his heart to hurt and swell at the same time.
Apo opened his eyes to find that Mile was still looking at him. This was not a crossroads for them. There was no option to go backwards or forwards. This was a dip in their path. Tonight would neither have precedence on their future together nor hinder their current relationship.
Mile knew what was coming. He had learned Apo. Had Apo learned him as well as he hoped?
Apo sat up but closed the distance between them.
“What do you miss?”
“You.” Mile answered without a hint of hesitation.
Mile would not move closer- could not. During workshops he was always being accused of being too aggressive. Apo would often tease “Am I acting with Kinn or Mile?” Mile is an aggressive lover. He likes the deep kisses. He likes the heat and passion. But that’s if he’sin control of the kiss. But when Apo controls the kiss- it makes him melt. Too often he was prey to Apo’s kisses. Covering up all of his moans and whimpers was nothing short of miraculous by the editing team. So he can’t close the distance between them tonight. Not tonight. It has to be Apo’s decision.
At first Mile didn’t think it would happen. More seconds ticked by as they held each other’s gaze. Then slowly, Apo moved closer. And then their lips touched. And Mile’s world melted away- again.
He fought against the urge to draw from Kinn and possess what he felt was rightfully his. No, right now Apo was not his. So he simply offered what he could. Holding his head offered reassurance that he was not alone. A firm grip on his waist spoke of trust. A parting of lips reflecting their bond. That was all Mile could offer tonight. He hoped that was all Apo needed.
Their kisses lingered until both were satisfied- for this time. Mile hadn't noticed Apo's firm grip on the back of his neck until he felt the fingers slowly relax and slide down his chest. Neither one was ready to put distance between them. Apo's lips were still so close Mile could feel their warmth.
“Should I go?”
“Do you have work tomorrow?”
“Possibly”
For the first time since they were partners Mile lied. He did not have work but if he said so, he knew how the night would end. And while they had shared many things and had a bond that no one could replace, there was no need to make things complicated.
With a sigh Apo finally puts distance between them. Mile noticed he purposely avoided meeting his eyes. This was their agreement during filming. No eye contact until they felt completely out of character. This was different, Mile wanted it to be different. He reached up to touch his face, urging him to show himself. There was no shame or secrets between them. Apo finally lifted his gaze. Mile tried to wipe the worry away from his face with his thumb. He offered him a small grin that said “I am here, with you.” Apo leaned into the touch and smiled back.
“I’ll walk you to the door.”
Mile tried to gather up a few things on he way to exit. He put his glass in the sink, noticing he still had almost half a glass of wine remaining.
“Want to take the bottle with you?”
“Save it for next time.”
The silence was back as they cleaned up. Even the quietest of tasks seemed to echo.
Mile slipped on his shoes, already thinking about when will be the next time he will be back inside this apartment. His hand reached for the handle. The cold metal being a stark contrast to the warmth he had this moments earlier.
Taking a chance, he turned and faced Apo one more time. He brought his hand up to the his cheek. Apo grabbed his hand like it was his life line. Closing his eyes he waited and hoped. It wasn't long before he felt Mile’s lips on his again. This kiss seemed to be a new dance between them. This was not the dance of Kinn and Porsche that their body had been so used to dancing too. This was something new. Not unwelcomed, but not deepening. Not hurried, but not lingering either. Apo separated their lips, just barely. Mile wanted to chase the moment, tried, but then realized the moment was gone.
“I'll see you again soon.”
Mile nodded. He understood. He walked out the door and heard Apo shut it and lock it behind him. There was no need to look back. On the way to his car Mile couldn't help but hold his bottom lip between his teeth. Was he trying to make the memory last as long as he could? Was he trying to hold on to the feeling of Apo's lips on his? He was unsure himself, but he just knew he needed to hold on to something for as long as he could. He got into his car and started the engine. He almost started to drive away when the realization hit him. He chuckled to himself. How could he miss it? How did he not notice it sooner? Feeling the need to say it out loud, to justify his new insight. He licked his lips one more time before saying “Vanilla. He was wearing his favorite vanilla flavored lip balm.”