Chapter Text
Technoblade had no idea how his life had come to this point.
Well, that was just untrue. He knew exactly how he’d gotten here, he just didn’t like it. The reason he was being subjected, nay, condemned to this absolute torment… Was his parents. How unoriginal. A high schooler whose parents are his worst enemy? What was this, some low-quality 2010 Disney movie?
He could remember the fateful announcement as though it were only yesterday. Which was unsurprising, considering it had been like a week ago. Still. How desperately he wished to live in those few moments of blissful denial before reality had set in.
His parents had sat him down, with genuine smiles on their faces. It was only because of the expressions, betraying no hint of malice, that he’d been lured into a false sense of security. How foolish he had been. A good warrior is always alert. It was with uncaring cheer that they informed him of his plight.
He would be going to summer camp. A reward for good grades this semester, supposedly. He would consider being cast into the deepest pits of Tartarus a better reward than this. Summer camp, four weeks of forced socialization and arduous physical activities. He would far rather spend his summer wasting away in his room, nose buried in a book or retinas burning from too many hours staring at a screen. To have that vision of bliss torn from him by his own parents, those who were supposed to be invested in nurturing his happiness, was a betrayal of the highest order.
They had claimed this was an “opportunity.” That it would be “good” for him, that he would make “friends.” Even if he were naive enough to believe the bonds formed between teenagers shoved together into the same too-small cabin for a fleeting period of time were anything more than extremely temporary, Techno had zero interest in meeting new people. He already had Phil, what more could a man need?
Phil. The single shining beacon of hope in the pit of despair that would be his summer. Like a consolation prize, his best friend had offered up the information that he would actually be accompanying Techno on this harrowing journey. This was the only reason he hadn’t fled in the middle of the night to escape the entire ordeal. With Phil by his side, it would be at very least survivable. A small comfort.
That was how Techno had ended up here. On this poorly maintained bus, surrounded by the incessant chatter of his “peers.” The AC in the vehicle could only be described as pathetic, and all the windows had been opened in a desperate attempt to relieve the oppressive heat. Every little bump in the road caused the passengers to be harshly jostled, tossed against their poorly-cushioned seats without mercy. Their conditions were cruel and inhumane, as the bus ferried the inhabitants towards their doom, like prisoners being led into cells.
“Aw, c’mon mate, stop pouting. It’s not that bad.” Phil shoved his shoulder lightly, an amused smile on his face.
“Phil, please. Don’t interrupt my angsty internal monologue. I was on a roll.”
“Uh-huh. Well as important as that clearly is, I thought you’d like to know we’re almost there.”
In lieu of a response, Techno shoved his face into his hands and released a long-suffering groan. That was not the kind of news he wanted to hear. Something along the lines of “uh oh, camp is on fire, guess we have to go home” would be far more welcome. Phil, the bastard, did nothing but laugh at his friend’s misery.
Techno turned his head to the side slightly, fixing the blond with a glare capable of bringing a lesser man to his knees. Phil’s mirth only intensified. The audacity!
Their arrival at camp was without fanfare, and Techno glanced around at the sea of people. Most of the other campers he’d doubtless be forced to interact with in the coming days seemed nothing short of ecstatic to be here. He couldn’t imagine what it was like to live in their world, to feel enthused at the idea of spending the next few weeks surrounded by grime and unfamiliar faces.
The bus driver, a man wearing a childish plush panda-bear hat and a pair of bright violet sunglasses, cheerfully informed them that they could retrieve their bags later. As much as he loathed the idea of leaving his precious belongings at the mercy of complete strangers for even a handful of minutes, Techno had no choice but to comply. This only served to worsen his already unfavorable mood.
There were at least two or three other buses that Techno could count, and his stomach churned at the thought of being stuck in close-quarters with so many people for a prolonged period of time. It was like school, but worse. At least the school had air conditioning, and a blessed lack of mosquitoes.
Techno allowed himself to be dragged along by Phil, who probably knew what he was doing. Even if he didn’t, Techno didn’t mind much. To others, Phil might just look like a short blond teenage boy wearing a stupid striped bucket hat, but to Technoblade? He was the only anchor in a turbulent and stormy sea. He was Prometheus gifting humanity with fire, allowing Techno a faint ember of hope that this might not be as miserable as he’d feared.
Hopefully, unlike Prometheus, Phil wouldn’t get his liver eaten by an eagle. That would suck.
You never know with the woods, though. Techno, tragically, had not found the time to research the local fauna before the trip. He’d been far too busy lamenting the cruelty of fate for how it had led him here. For all he knew, there were eagles out here. Or bears. Or bear-eagle hybrids that had miraculously come to be from a science experiment gone horribly right, and had escaped to bring humanity a reckoning for their hubris.
Probably not that last one, though. It was statistically a bit unlikely.
Anyways.
They came to a stop in the middle of a crowd, and Techno shuddered at the proximity to so many teenagers who didn’t seem to understand the meaning of the word “hygiene.” His disgust only magnified with the realization that being in the woods meant that his olfactory experience in this place would only become worse as the days progressed. He truly was living a nightmare.
Looking up, he saw a wooden platform with a single microphone that could perhaps be considered a stage by someone generous. Standing atop it was a man. He was clearly an adult, though a young one. Despite the youth apparent in his features, his hair was dyed a platinum silver as though to give some impression of age and wisdom. Most noticeably, he was dressed like a thirteen year old who had discovered Hot Topic for the first time, and then immediately robbed a Gucci store. He was also wearing sunglasses, though Techno had no criticism on that considering it was summer and incredibly bright.
Technoblade was not a judgemental person, (this is a blatant lie) but his skepticism about the camp’s legitimacy rose when the man started speaking. If this was the face of their staff, how responsible could they truly be? He personally couldn’t imagine someone who thought it was reasonable to dress like that managing finances with any sort of competency.
The man on stage started to speak, with a haughty tone of voice and a thick scottish accent “Merit, confidence, championship. These are the three things that all of you will have by the end of camp. Unless you’re just kind of a loser, then you’re on your own. If not, though, Camp MCC will bring out the best in you! I’m Scott, the head counselor and camp owner.”
Techno scoffed as he listened to the man, Scott, speak. Such professionalism at this establishment! He did continue to listen though, on account of having nothing better to do. Techno was soon glad he hadn’t allowed his attention to stray, or he would’ve missed the disastrous news that was delivered next.
”You’ve already been assigned to cabins, and you’ll be able to come up with a cabin team name together, which you need to have by tomorrow morning. Also, if it sounds dumb, I will laugh at you. There is nothing you can do about this.”
Techno’s heart sank to his stomach. The cabins had already been assigned? Randomly, he assumed. This meant there was a possibility -a rather high probability, even- that he would be separated from Phil. Just when he thought this place couldn’t possibly get even worse, they found a way to surprise him. He felt mere moments from committing a bit of “light” property damage.
“Anyways! Whatever other information you need will be given to you by your cabin’s supervising counselor. I am done working for the day. Byeee~!” Scott let go of the microphone stand, which wobbled dangerously at the sudden lack of support.
He strutted off the stage, and his place was taken by another counselor. A woman with pink hair a few shades paler than Techno’s own, wearing thin rectangular sunglasses, mismatched thigh-length socks, and a pair of floral overalls. She began rattling off names, listing who would be placed in which cabin. Techno could only stand there with baited breath, hoping against all odds that he wouldn’t be separated from the only good thing in this accursed place.
“-And in cabin E, Ranboo Belov, Phil Crafter, Technoblade Skye-Blok, and Niki Nihachu. In cabin F-”
The wave of relief that washed over him was unmatched. Him and Phil were in the same cabin. Everything would be fine. Not great, because there were two other people there as well, but as good as it could be given the circumstances. He’d survive this.
Technoblade once again found himself being dragged along like a poorly-trained dog, as Phil talked animatedly about… something. To be honest, Techno hadn’t really been listening. He was far more focused on plotting strategies to interact with the other people in their cabin as little as humanly possible. He was aggressively antisocial, and not afraid to admit it. The fact he had a friend at all was nothing short of miraculous.
They retrieved their bags from the bus, and then headed to the cabin. The place they’d be sleeping for the duration of their stay. It was a small white building made of wooden planks with a cheery cyan colored roof. While the paint was chipping a bit, at very least it didn't look horribly run down. Phil opened the door, revealing their two cabin-mates already inside.
Techno was incredibly grateful to see that each bed was surrounded by a thin curtain. It may not be much, but at least he’d have some semblance of privacy. He was less grateful to note that there were, in fact, people in here. People would probably expect him to -gag- socialize.
Oh great, one of them was already introducing herself. “Hi! I’m Niki, and this” -she gestured to the lanky teen who was staring at his hands as though they were the most important things in the world- “is Ranboo!”
“...Hullo.” Techno replied, failing to introduce himself. A mistake he didn’t notice until Phil unsubtly shoved him with his shoulder. “I’m Techno. That’s Phil.”
“Hi mates!” Phil chirped, with enthusiasm that Technoblade felt was unwarranted given the circumstance.
Ranboo waved awkwardly, not offering anything to the painfully stilted conversation.
Techno nodded towards Ranboo slightly. He could recognize the signs of a fellow sufferer of social anxiety. While Phil and Niki started actually talking, Techno and Ranboo both sat on their respective beds conspicuously avoiding eye contact. Human interaction at its finest.
After about twenty minutes of unpacking and occasionally chiming into Phil and Niki’s conversation, there was a gentle knocking. Being the one nearest to it, and having nothing better to do, Techno opened the door to see who was on the other side.
“Hi! I’m Shubble, and I’m gonna be your cabin’s counselor! Nice to meet you guys!”
Techno just blinked, stepping aside so she could enter the small building. He didn’t quite have the energy to deal with her enthusiasm. That could be left to the two members of the cabin who actually possessed social skills.
While Techno didn’t say anything, He did observe her carefully. Eyes scanning the new figure, trying to take in as much information as possible. As Sun Tzu said, “Know the enemy and know yourself.” She was a bit shorter than himself, with long dark hair. Her clothing was oversized, all in shades of black or gray. It was an odd contrast to her seemingly sunny personality, and an objectively illogical choice for summer. Strange.
“Well,” Shubble started “I’m just here to go over a few rules with you guys. Uh, no food in the cabin, because of bears,”
Oh, so he was right about bears. Fantastic.
“Um… mostly just normal rules that you’d have anywhere. Uh, no littering, that’s a big one. And! Most importantly! Lights out is at nine, okay? Not a second later. Lights out at nine.” She said the last rule with a strange amount of seriousness, dropping her smile for a couple moments.
It was… eerie. Techno began to fear that he wasn’t in a poorly produced coming-of-age film, but rather a cliche summer camp slasher. If that were the case, he would be having words with his parents. Provided he survived, of course.
Apparently satisfied that she’d imparted her unnecessarily ominous message, Shubble took her leave.
“Well. That wasn’t creepy or anything.” Techno deadpanned, earning himself a snicker from his cabin mates.
“She didn’t seem very serious about the lights. She probably doesn’t care too much about that rule.” Ranboo added sarcastically.
“No, guys, guys. She was just trying to make herself seem like an important NPC! She’s got a quest to give us!” Niki chimed in with a giggle.
Phil nodded with faux-seriousness. “Makes sense. We should’ve hit A so we could’ve seen more dialogue.”
“I bet she drops common loot when defeated.” Techno stated with a smirk, prompting more laughs from the members of the cabin.
They continued to banter together, and Techno reluctantly admitted that being stuck with these people may not be so horrible. At very least, he wasn’t grouped with anyone annoying or super loud. He wouldn’t go so far as to consider them friends, but… positive acquaintances. Maybe even allies. Yeah, that sounded right.
While Techno had been having such a great time warming up to the people he shared a cabin with, the group had failed to keep an eye on the time. Honestly, it wasn’t their fault that the clock was so incredibly easy to ignore. They’d been distracted, making bets on whether or not they’d actually be able to spot a bear. Niki pointed out that it was pretty unlikely, but Ranboo had declared proudly that he would fistfight a bear before the four weeks were over. A bold claim, from a guy who had all the muscle mass of a frail twig.
Seeing as they were absorbed in this riveting discussion, none of them noticed when the clock ticked over to 9:01. Or at least, they didn’t notice until they heard someone aggressively pounding their fists against the thin wooden door.
The door swung open to reveal Shubble, glaring at the group with unbridled fury. “What did I say about lights?” She hissed, staring down each of the teens one-by-one with a piercing gaze.
“Uh-uhm… to turn them off at nine?” Ranboo stuttered out, curling in on himself slightly.
Shubble folded her arms across her chest, the motion giving Techno a glimpse of the way her hands were curled into tight fists. “And what time is it right now, hmm?”
Techno glanced towards the clock on the wall. “...Nine?”
The counselor shook her head sharply. “It is past nine. And yet. And yet! Your lights are still. On.”
“Past…?” -Phil also took the time to check the clock- “Past nine? It’s- it’s only by a minute, mate.”
“Are you talking back to me? I told you one rule that was extra important, and you can’t even follow it! If this happens again, all four of you are taking out trash for the camp for three days. Minimum.” With those words, she turned on her heel and stormed out of the cabin, pausing only briefly to slam the door.
Niki reached over towards the light switch, flicking it off before mumbling “that seemed like a bit much...”
“Alright, that’s just unreasonable. We gotta do something about that.” Techno said, staring at the door Shubble had just exited from.
“Like what, man? She’s a counselor.” Ranboo asked, skepticism clear in his voice.
Phil took on a thoughtful expression, pausing briefly before he spoke. “Well, we could prank her.”
The other three inhabitants of the small wooden cabin nodded, smiles starting to form on their faces. They were going to get a bit of revenge. It was only fair, considering the way she’d threatened them over something so stupid and inconsequential. Also, it would be funny.