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PS: Here's the ILLUSTRATION and the ANIMATION this fic is based on!
Melancholic Beauty
So in love and hopeless, she was pining; feeling so unloved.
So lost and loveless, he offered them nothing in return for being so beloved.
So untouchable, to him he became ruthless, now feeling torn; realizing how much she had misjudged.
Three paths joined under a sky so starless, forking along the way because the darkness had succumbed.
Suguru, Satoru, and Shoko were always so seamless, now ripped apart at the seams; their feelings numbed, into the glum they had plunged.
The sun went down and left the lingering tinge of orange in a pink and purple sky. A storm was brewing in the distance, and just before dusk befell, blood-red streaks slowly faded with the dying sun on the blurred horizon where Shoko’s eyes strained to focus. Adorned in nothing but a mesh lace thong, and a wiry floral bra, she welcomed the coolness of the otherwise humid air; unbothered and unconcerned of any wandering eyes that may be on her from the streets and neighboring windows below.
I could really go for a smoke… There was an odd chill carried by the summer wind, causing goosebumps to rise on her exposed skin, as she stood on the small balcony of her thirtieth-floor penthouse. When the nights grew darker and her job grew bleaker, Yaga made it a mission to force Shoko out of Jujutsu Tech, and far away from the morgue that had pretty much become her primary home over the past four years or so.
Her job was taxing, it was niche. She was unlike any mundane doctor. Her ability granted her the art of jujutsu-enhanced healing, and unless someone was willing to step out of hiding, Shoko was the sole Reverse-Curse Technician known to their world. And if she lost her way or fell ill, then the pillar holding up the weight of Jujutsu Tech on unstable grounds would surely crumble and perish.
A memory of the first time she was brought here resurfaced behind her lids.
“The school needs me, I can’t just up and leave! If there’s an emergency and I’m not here-”
“Then we’ll just have to deal with it, now, won’t we?” Yaga had been persistent.
“That’s not a reasonable excuse,” she’d tried to argue, but her voice had only met deaf ears.
Gone against her will, she had fought to stay until the last moment before Satoru had appeared from behind, carrying a suitcase she hadn’t packed herself, and grabbed hold of her hand; teleporting the two into the very house she stood in now. “Take me back right now!”
“No.”
The blunt rejection had spurred anger in her she wasn’t used to, “I mean it, Satoru, take me back! If- if something like what happened to Haibara-kun, happens again, then I-”
”No one else is getting hurt on my watch,” he’d whirled around, startling her, “I won’t let it happen again… I won’t let anyone else I care about be taken from me.” Undeterred and determined in his resolve, “You’re burnt out, Sho,” he’d spoken so calmly then, “It’s okay to need a break sometimes. You’re not immune to stress and fatigue.” She had laughed when he’d said it. The novelty of her relaxing, while everyone around her was fighting a losing war and dying was the most absurd scenario she could imagine. The fact that she couldn't go out on the battlefield was a handicap in itself, but now they were also depriving her of helping in the only way she could; by sending her on a forced vacation when everything was falling apart at the seams.
“I need a goddamn smoke,” sighing, she turned on her heel and treaded back into her plush suite. A modern; yet rustic enclosure. A large flatscreen TV lined the wall outside her bedroom unused in the living room. The furniture was modern- minimalist and luxurious- yet the tapestry on the walls and the tatami flooring by the entrance door were traditional. She knew the penthouse belonged to the Gojou clan- one of Satoru’s large inheritances, but he had done his best to personalize it to her taste and make it as comfortable as possible- she did, after all, come here against her will for the first two years of her recurrent kidnappings.
The first time, she had simply walked out and gone to the train station, coming to realize that she’d been brought all the way to Kyoto, and upon her return to Tokyo Jujutsu Tech, she’d been teleported and brought right back; her attempts futile even when she continued to escape the next few forceful trips. “You need to stop this nonsense, Satoru, you can’t keep me hostage in Kyoto!”
“I sure as hell can!” He had been so petulant and annoying, sticking his tongue out at her and grabbing hold of her small hand again. She remembered the urge to punch him, even though he’d taken to keeping infinity on since his run-in with the Zen’in outcast, Fushiguro Toji.
“Quit being a child, this is serious! I’m more than capable of handling my own business, Satoru, I’m an adult. I make my own decisions.”
“Lately, you make all the wrong decisions, and I’m only looking out for you, okay? You- you look more dead than the people in that gross room of yours!”
“It’s called the morgue, Satoru, and I enjoy improving my skills by studying those dead bodies. I wouldn’t be able to fix broken people if I didn’t practice on the ones that are beyond repair. And I won’t be able to do even that if you keep me away from my job!” She’d tried to reason with him. She'd witnessed the uncertainty in those too-blue eyes of his, from over the rim of his glasses when they’d slipped over the bridge of his upturned nose as he'd looked down at her.
“If you…” he sighed, “I won’t let you follow in Suguru’s footsteps… I don’t wanna lose ‘ya too, is that really such an impossible wish?” Though his eyes had been blacked out by thick sunglasses once more, she could still feel the intensity of his stare boring into her, and suddenly it had all clicked into place. They had been naïve and innocent at the time; only eighteen, overripen by toxic society and driven to the breaking point. One-third of their heart had gone rogue and missing, and each day since, Shoko felt the gaping hole he left behind grow bigger, her heart hollower, her yearning desire palpable. Satoru felt the same way as her- perhaps his hurt was even greater? They were the most powerful duo- Gojou and Getou- their strength unmatched, their bond something even she had been envious of. To think that even Satoru had been left in the dark, was the kind of betrayal no one would come away from unscathed.
In the end, she’d come to accept his intrusion in her personal life choices, and later welcomed the surprise reprieve. It also helped that her best friend, Utahime, was close by and would come to visit her regularly during her time off. Now, almost five years later, she was more than willing to take a step back and come here of her own volition; leaving behind a note, “I’m detaching from reality for a couple of days.” This was now her little domain; her own personal space to let loose her thoughts and just bask in the quietude and peacefulness of being totally alone- physically, as opposed to mentally, which she had been since Suguru had left them.
Lost in her thoughts, she failed to notice the new presence behind her on the balcony, until a shadow towered her frame, a deep and heady scent of cedarwood and musk assaulting her nostrils; piercing her heart. Suddenly she was too self-aware, short fine hairs standing up against her arms, and the stark recognition of that unique energy invading her being. She whirled around and swung, only to be gently grasped by the wrist before she made contact with his face.
“You shouldn’t be here.”
“And you shouldn’t be standing naked on the balcony in broad daylight!” Oh, his voice was just as dulcet and mellifluous as she remembered- a stab to her heart as the floodgates of nostalgia broke forth.
Her fist shook, “…I’m not naked, and you shouldn’t be here.”
His violet gaze left a slow blazing trail from her eyes to her toes, lingering on her breasts and then the V of her barely concealed womanhood. “You might as well be when you’ve laid everything for the eyes to feast on. Whatever happened to modesty, Sho-chan?”
“When have you and I ever been modest, Suguru?” There was a cutting edge to her voice as she yanked her arm back- he let it go willingly. Despite the indifference in her retort, she still folded her arms in a self-conscious manner; her cleavage becoming more prominent as a result, so she tried to cover some of herself by draping her arm against her chest and grasping the opposite side of her neck.
He laughed, a sound so soothing and familiar, that she felt her longing heart flutter, “You’re right about that, we were anything but modest! We even corrupted Satoru in the end. How’s that unhinged albino doing anyway?”
“What do you want, Suguru? I know you didn’t come here just to chit-chat!”
“Is it really that hard to believe that I did in fact come for that? That I simply missed my friend?”
She glared at him, “Yes, it is! You haven’t given two-fucks about me or Satoru since Amanai Riko died!”
He reached out to her, “That’s not true-”
She took a step back, “Yes, it is! If you cared about us at all, you would have opened up to us that you were struggling. Like, was I a joke to you? Am I not a healer, Suguru? All those nights you were in my bed or in Satoru’s bed- hell when you were in bed with both of us together- did you not think to share your feelings with us once?” Her accusatory gaze shifted from eye to eye, “Were we really that incapable of helping you?” The last bit was more a question to herself, and he witnessed her eyes moisten before she turned on her heel, dashing for the phone placed on her nightstand.
She heard him sigh, and then suddenly she was yanked from behind and twirled into a hard body. Her face squished into a warm, toned chest, and her arms tightly encased in his own- broad and muscular from years of martial arts training. His scent was driving her crazy, she tried to strain against him and pull away, but her body refused to obey, and soon, she felt the pinpricks of tears gather in her eyes.
“You shouldn’t be here…” she whispered as all fight suddenly left her, her stubborn exterior suddenly softened.
He ran his hand over her head affectionately, carding his fingers into her silky brown locks. “I really did miss you, Shoko- I missed this,” he breathed her in, she could feel his chest expand and then felt her eyelashes flutter under his sharp exhale.
She looked up at him and he loosened his hold just slightly. He looked so forlorn, so lost, so young again at that moment. “You’ve gotten prettier you know,” he smiled down at her, his eyes crinkling at the corners so adorably, she couldn’t help herself when she leaned up on her toes and grabbed hold of the nape of his neck, her lips puckering over his own.
Sighing into the kiss, he pushed back down and grabbed hold of the small of her back, slanting his lips over hers and plunging his tongue into her warm and waiting mouth. He had craved this, and he knew she had too. Some semblances of normalcy in their catatonic realities came back to them in the intimate vicinity of this secluded room- Satoru’s room.
She was pushed back as he walked forward with his lips firmly locked on hers, one of his hands traveling down to roughly grab the curve of her ass, and she moaned into the heady kiss. Just as she felt the edge of the bed hit the backs of her knees, she turned him around and pushed on his chest. He went thudding onto the springy mattress, bouncing in the process- his hands falling behind him to keep himself upright. She slipped her arms around his neck, straddling his thighs and seating herself right on top of his growing hardness. She heard him groan at the friction and felt her folds wet with her building essence. That was when she noticed he wasn’t in his infamous monk robes; instead, he wore black dress pants and a form-fitting white buttoned-down shirt- so much like his old attire back when they were high schoolers. “Why… why are you dressed like this?” She gasped out, not pausing her pleasurable glide against him.
His brows were knitted, eyes shut, and he was biting his lip at the sensation, and when he replied, it was with an effort to stay focused on her words, “I had a business meeting with someone.”
“With whom?” Her interest was piqued.
“Just some old geezer with too much money- a monkey that can help me get my hands on stronger curses- Ah!”
She stopped moving, and he opened one eye to assess her face, “Why would you need more curses in your arsenal? What are you planning, Suguru?”
“Relax, Shoko, I’m not planning anything. This is just how I make a living now- capturing curses for influential people that suffer from them but can’t see them. It’s a win-win solution!” He smiled at her.
“You’re wasting your potential!” She implored, “Just come back to the school, Suguru! Come back with me. I’ll convince the higher-ups to forgive you- Satoru will help us convince them- and you can make a real difference with your cursed technique-”
“I would rather be dead than step foot in that rotten place!” He seethed. “I’m not going back, Shoko. I didn’t come here for that, I only came to see you because I missed you, but if you keep talking like this instead of continuing what you’ve started, then I’ll take my leave.” He bent down and kissed the curve of her neck, tasting the perfumed skin as he sucked on the spot.
Emboldened by desire and anger, she yanked at his hair- let loose and now much longer than she remembered previously- and bit at the bulb of his Adam’s apple. She heard him growl, the vibration of his baritone voice sending heat all the way down to her core, and he once again grabbed onto her hips, making her grind harder against his concealed cock.
“Shoko- fuck-”
“Is this all I’m good for now, Suguru? A good little fuck toy for you to come back to when you’re horny and reminiscent of the past?” She yanked apart the front of his shirt, his buttons coming loose; some ripping off, and slithered a hand inside the waistband of his trousers so her hand rested against his throbbing cock.
He hissed, “You know that’s not true,” fisting the bedsheet behind him with one hand, he kept hold of her with the other and pushed up into her waiting hand. “You know I love you- I always will. It’s only you- you’ll always be my one and only girl.”
Such sweet deceiving words, she knew he had been with other women, “Bullshit! You really expect me to believe you’ve been celibate since you left me?” She pulled against his member and squeezed with just enough pressure to make him see stars.
“Ah-hah! F-fuck!” Groaning, he tried to focus through the immense pleasure she gave him, and reasoned, “I won’t lie to you-” he gasped against her lips, perspiration beading his forehead, “there have been others—but I—I’ve always imagined it was you I was making love to-”
“So many lies. All you do is lie-” she was cut off.
“I’m not lying!” He grabbed her hand over his pants and halted her stride, searching her eyes, “No woman compares to you- they can never light a candle to you! But don’t be so hypocritical, Shoko, you’ve fucked Satoru while I’ve been away, haven’t you?”
“That’s not the same,” She ground out, “You’ve been with him too- it was always the three of us! I haven’t been with any other man besides the two of you!”
He swooped down to chastely kiss her on the lips, his mouth moist, “That’s right, it was the three of us. Except now, he tends to go balls-deep in our pathetic excuse of a senpai, while you remain loyal. That’s why I’m here with you and not him.”
“…Utahime’s not pathetic.”
“Not my point,” he kissed her again, softer, slower, whispering against her, “You were always too good for me, Shoko- too selfless! I would have dragged you down with me if I stayed. I need you to understand that though our paths were aligned at first, they forked along the way, and we were bound to go our separate ways eventually. Our goals were too different.” He looked at her, but she refused to look back, “You’re too good- too pure- no matter how hard you try to rebel. Satoru knows it too, and we took advantage of that.”
Now she looked back, her eyes searching, “If I’m too good for you, then why not just let me go? Why bother showing up like this?”
He sighed, suddenly feeling so aged and worn down, “Because somehow in that short period of time the three of us were together, Satoru and I fell for you... hard, like addicts to the drug that is you, the two of us are bound to relapse… And now I struggle to let you go.” He caressed her cheek, cupping her jaw in his hand, “Can you really fault me for it though? You’re kinda badass, you know that? Playing hard to get, naturally gifted with such an envious technique, savage and sassy with no gag-reflex-” that had her sputtering out a laugh. “…It’s really fucking sexy!”
She breathed in deeply, “No more talking,” she pushed him down until his back hit the mattress. She smoothed her palms over the expanse of his exposed chest, her fingers feeling up the ridges of his rock-solid abs as they ventured down to unbutton his pants, pulling out his dick from the confines of his underwear. She lifted herself to her knees, paying close attention to the way his eyes latched onto her every move as she slid aside the small scrap of mesh lace to expose her dripping hole. Setting the tip of his bare cock against her opening, she languidly seated herself on him with a breathy moan.
He let out a shudder at the feel of her tight wet walls clamping down on him, his lids clenching shut as his eyes rolled back, his head falling against the mattress, “Ah- Shoko! You feel so good- fuck!”
Placing her hands flat on his stomach, she pushed herself off and sat back down at a steady repeated pace- bobbing herself up and down on his hardened length. “Mmmnn,” she bit her lip, increasing her speed as heat coiled within her. All of a sudden, she found herself flipped over against the pillows with Suguru hovering over her, his cock driving deep and hard into her. “AH!” She grabbed hold of his shoulders to ground herself, her head riding up on the pillow and the bed creaking with every hard thrust he made.
He kissed her again, swallowing her breathy cries and entangling his tongue with hers. His arm shielding her head, he slid the other under her back and held her close as he plunged deeper into her. “I missed you,” he breathed against her, “I missed the feel of you,” he kissed her lips, her cheek, her chin, then descended the expanse of her throat, lapping at the soft skin; mindful of not leaving behind any traces of his love.
The hole in her heart was slowly filling, like cement poured into a crack. Hiking her legs up over his thighs, she locked her ankles together to hold him closer as he practically rammed into her. She felt the pressure below her belly building, and when he slipped his hand between their slick bodies to rub precise circles against her sensitive nub, she felt jolts of electricity send torrents of pleasure to every nerve-ending in her body. “Don’t stop! Please, don’t stop!”
“I want you to come with me,” he brushed his lips over hers repeatedly, loving the way she mewled against him, pleasure coursing through him and tightening his groin. He felt her quiver, her walls tighten even further around him, and then he felt the gush of her essence come forth- like a balloon bursting with water. Growling into her mouth, he pumped several times before he felt his balls constrict and his cock ejaculate his pent-up needs; coating her tender vaginal walls with his seed.
They stayed connected until his cock softened and slipped out on its own, their lips continuing to touch oh so softly. This was the true reprieve. The lulling peace of mind, the two basking in the afterglow; satiated and content.
With a few more chaste kisses on her lips, he left another moist trail along her collarbone and shoulder before turning over and plopping himself onto the pillow on the other side of the bed. He didn’t pull her closer, and she didn’t go over, the two simply laid side-by-side, staring up at the ceiling where Satoru had put up a smattering of glow-in-the-dark-stars.
Snorting, Suguru burst into a chuckle, “Why is this so typical of him?”
Instead of mirroring his amusement, Shoko simply sighed, “It doesn’t surprise me, he’s still such a child at heart.”
“Didn’t you ever notice them before?”
“They weren’t there before,” she replied, “Every time he brings me here, there’s something new waiting for me to discover.”
“That’s because he wants to catch you off guard and put a smile on your face,” the man went on, “Satoru was always considerate like that- surprising you with little gestures of kindness.”
She remained quiet for a moment, “…He’s still like that. For someone that’s so selfish all the time, he can also be the most selfless person I know.”
“Hmm…”
The room had darkened considerably, the sky visible from the open balcony pitch black as a steady stream of rain poured. The only source of light was the soft glow of lanterns and neon signs hanging somewhere below on the buildings and streets out of sight, and the flickering of Shoko’s multitude of scented candles by the vanity table.
She felt him shift and inhaled sharply, turning her face towards his retreating form. Soon, he was sitting on the edge of the bed, righting his ruined clothes and smoothing back his disarrayed raven locks into a messy bun so reminiscent of his past self, that it hurt her heart.
“Please don’t go,” she whispered.
“You know I have to,” he sighed, standing up and buttoning his trousers.
Her lip warbled, and so unlike herself, she found her breath hitching in her throat; felt the fat drops of tears stream down and over the bridge of her nose. She choked on a sob- audible enough that it halted him in his slow trek out of her door, but not enough to hold him back, as he once more took the steps towards the darkened hallway leading to the entrance door, away from her, away from this reprieve, never once looking back at her.
Too soon, it was just her on the bed once more, her tears already drying up on her cheeks, leaving the skin itchy and flushed pink. Her eyes felt baggy, and with insomnia plaguing her for the past several weeks, she was sure her lids were left blue and purple like the sky that previous evening.
Very slowly, she rolled over and gathered herself before carefully standing up on wobbly feet. She felt raw and worn out; left throbbing and aching between her legs, and the cement put in the crack in her heart was yet to set and started to leak through another hole that had formed.
“I need a fucking smoke!” She grabbed her phone from the nightstand and stalked towards the light switch, smacking her hand against it and dousing the darkened room with light. Searching for Satoru’s name in her caller ID, she turned around in search of her pack of cigarettes, and her eyes landed on an article of clothing heaped on the floor by the balcony door. She walked up to it, crouching down to pick it up, and held it out in front of her to inspect. Astonished by the fact that she hadn’t noticed it before, she wondered if he had been wearing it when he’d first come into the room? The grey tweed suit jacket hung from her dainty fingertips before she buried her face in it and took a hearty whiff of the longed cedarwood and musk. She stayed that way for a while, just breathing in that scent, before draping it over her small shoulders and slipping her arms into the sleeves.
Lightning struck somewhere and the lights flickered in the room. She walked out onto the spacious balcony, remaining under the covered portion of the small terrace, and watched as the heavens cried in her stead. Shoving her hands into the in-seam pockets of the coat, her fingers came in contact with something rectangular. Pulling it out, a laugh bubbled past her lips, “That bastard either knows me too well; or we’re weirdly too alike!” She flipped open the lid and snagged out a white cylindrical tube of tobacco with her lips, pulling out a lighter from the other pocket and lighting an amber on the rear. She sucked in the calming poison and puffed out a plume of smoke. If she was his drug, then he was hers, and they were simply addicted to each other, and somehow, Satoru ended up in the mix of their strange cocktail.
Bringing the rim back to her lips, she closed her eyes and relived the past. “Sho! Can I have some of that?”
She looked at the smoke in her fingertips then back at him, “You got a light on you?”
“Yeah, hold on,” he fished his pocket for a lighter and brought it up to the cigarette waiting by her lips. As she sucked on the smoke, his gaze was transfixed at the sight of her pouting mouth. He stared until she was blowing in his face, jolting him out of his trance and coughing at the sudden burn in his throat.
“It’s rude to stare, Getou!”
“Haha, you’re right, sorry,” he was all boyish charm with the way he rubbed the back of his head in bashfulness, and so gentlemanly in the way he regarded her with respect. It pulled at her heartstrings and unsettled her.
“H-here,” she pushed the butt of the cigarette past his lips, forcing him to take a hit. Suddenly she was aware of the fact that she had placed her lips over the same exact place where his now lingered, and she was hit with the stark realization that this could be considered an indirect kiss.
She was brought out of her reverie when he grabbed hold of her small hand and mumbled against the tube, “Shoko, you wanna let go now?”
“O-Oh!” She let go but watched on as he continued to smoke. She studied him, so much taller than her, she had to strain her neck just to look him in the eye from this proximity. He was well-built, shoulders broadened over the summer, abs defined enough through the black form-fitting uniformed shirt he’d taken to wearing even after school hours. It was a surprisingly cold late summer evening, and she felt like a pervert when she noticed the slight prominence of his nipples straining against his shirt front. She averted her gaze, but then it lingered on the way the apple in his throat bobbed every time he swallowed after puffing out smoke, and how that one strand of hair remained stubborn and found its way out of the slicked back knot he so effortlessly made with that illegally soft and shiny hair of his.
Satoru was the beautiful one amongst them. The taller one, the stronger one, the one with eyes like no other- bluer than the clearest day sky- but Suguru had better hair, in her opinion. He also had a better set of lips. The lips she witnessed wrapped around the end of a shrinking nicotine tube, were small but plush- a refined cupid's bow. Just a touch of pink to toasted skin, they concealed a row of straight-edged pearlescent teeth and stretched on to reveal the slightest dimples that tended to take her breath away! And she knew they affected Satoru in the same way because she’d only noticed after she’d followed his lingering gaze on them one too many times.
“You all right there, Shoko? You seem to be the one doing the staring now!”
She snapped out of her thoughts and shifted her gaze to his, “I was just wondering how long it’ll take you to offer to share.”
He blinked at her then at the small stub that remained in his fingers.
“That was my last smoke. I asked Satoru to steal another pack from the convenience store in town for me, but he refused. Something about cigarettes being ‘a weapon for slow murder' on his part and ‘icky stuff that smells like a chimney.’” She stared deadpan, expecting him to apologize and offer to buy her a new one like the polite gentleman he was, but instead, she saw him bring the stub back to his lips and suck hard until his cheeks hollowed in. The tube shrunk to the very end, and he flicked it onto the concrete floor, dousing the cherry to ashes under his shoe. She looked up appalled at his actions and opened her mouth to reprimand him, but before she could, he grabbed her by the back of her head and swooped down to capture her lips in his, blowing the smoke directly through the open seam of her mouth.
He leaned back right after and she coughed out, wheezing. “Sorry,” he laughed, “I couldn’t help it! I watched a guy do the same thing in a movie once and had the urge to try it myself!”
“Hah? You don’t just walk up to anyone and kiss them like that!” She was too shocked to even feel embarrassed.
“It wasn’t just anyone though,” he retorted nonchalantly, “I did it because it was you! I only wanted to kiss you.”
Colored surprised, she could only stare back owlishly, “W-why me? Why not Meimei? She has a crush on you, you know? She’s been hitting on you for months now, I know you know she likes you!”
“I do know, but she’s not the one I want.”
Why was he so bold all of a sudden? “I thought you had a thing for Satoru?”
“Hmm…” He looked up in thought, “I do!”
“Well, then what the fuck are you doing with me? Go share a smoke with him!”
“He doesn’t like to smoke, remember? And who says I can’t swing both ways? Besides, I’ve already done things with him, now I’m far more interested in you.”
She gaped at him. She couldn’t believe her ears, “What do you mean, you’ve ‘done things with him’, what kind of things?”
“Just things I wouldn’t normally do with other people.”
“Like… kiss and stuff?”
He stifled a laugh, “Yes Shoko-chan, like kiss and stuff, and some more.”
“W-well then go do whatever the fuck you want with him, you manwhore! I’m not interested in being your little experimental toy! You don’t even find me attractive!”
“Why would you think I don’t find you attractive?”
He looked offended as he said it, and Shoko found herself shocked once more. “You… you think I’m pretty?”
He nodded, “Satoru and I both think you’re beautiful, Sho! We’ve talked about it,” he spoke with such confidence, that she was taken aback. “You have this… melancholic beauty going for you. Like you’re… sad all the time but also don’t give a shit, and somehow that just makes you appear unattainable; really pretty! Makes me want to get a hold of you, make you smile.”
Speechless is what she was, and so was he after that. The place was quiet until thunder rumbled somewhere in the distance, and Shoko felt the first drop of cold rain splatter on her cheek. Breaking eye contact, she looked up to see that dark clouds had gathered in the sky, time for them to take their leave before they were doused in the monsoon rain.
She felt him as he neared and looked ahead at him once more. So close. He was so close that she truly had to strain her neck all the way back just to look him in the eyes. But then her chest was touching his stomach, his hands were cupping her cheeks, and so soon, his lips were on hers once more, this time closing around hers more firmly, for much longer, their eyelids were finally shut, and her fingers were clutching him closer.
There was no more smoke in the air, the stub between her fingers was attached to nothing but ash ready to drop on the tiled floor. She let it go, not bothering to see where it landed next to her, and brought the phone up to her ear, listening to the dial beep.
“Shoko?”
“Satoru,” she rasped. Her voice worn out.
“What’s up? Can’t sleep? It’s just past eight though, maybe watch some tv or something.” She didn’t speak for several seconds, making Satoru glance at his phone to see if the call was still connected- it was, and suddenly he was wary. “Sho? You still there?”
“You remember that summer you caught me and Suguru making out in the rain?”
A random question, but he didn’t voice it out, instead he answered, “Of course I do! I was so angry he got you first- I stalked up and shoved him off you!”
“Hmm, you even turned off infinity in your haste.”
“Yeah, and got doused by rain, thanks very much! You know how much I hate the feeling of cold rain down my back- I caught a cold because of it!”
"You already had a cold before the rain, and you gave it to me when you insisted on kissing me too!”
“We had talked about it, okay?! I was supposed to kiss you first, but that bastard stole it from me!”
“You make it sound like I was prey for your perverted urges!”
“Not ours- Ijichi and some other asshole that would always ogle your ass!”
“Ijichi?”
“And that other asshole that tried to sneak pictures up your skirt! Suguru and I beat him to the curb and staked our claim, you’re welcome!”
Rolling her eyes, “Violence is never the answer- not when I’m the one who has to mend the broken bones and stop the bleeding!” She heard him grouch on the other end but heard no retort. “…What went wrong, Satoru?”
“…What d’ya mean?”
“The three of us… what went wrong? We were supposed to stay together, always, so why didn’t it happen?”
“Shoko…”
“Why did he leave me? You’re just like him too- coming to me unannounced, whispering sweet nothings in my ears, and leaving as soon as you’re spent- discarding me like a newfangled piece of clothing!”
“What do you mean by that- did he come see you? Was he there at your place?”
She sighed, “Never mind, I shouldn’t have called, I was just reminiscing.”
She heard him pacing and something slam in the distance, “Don’t give me that! Did you fucking see him? Is he there with you now?”
“Let it go, Satoru, it’s not important,” she sighed again, “Look I’m tired, I gotta go,” she ended the call before he could get another word in and make her feel worse- there was already another storm brewing in her heart.
Lightning struck- large cracks in the sky, and suddenly the room was encased in darkness. Thunder roared as if from close by, and she quickly pulled the balcony doors closed, latching the lock. She padded towards the bathroom on bare feet but collided against another hard chest, broad hands grasping her shoulders and holding her in place. She sighed in annoyance.
“I told you to let it go, Satoru!” She looked up in anger.
“Where is he?” His eyes were bare, more striking than the lightning outside, his irises boring into her soul with their raging intensity.
“I told you he’s not here,” she tried to disentangle herself from him, but he held on, shaking her.
“He was here, wasn’t he? Why did you let him leave- why didn’t you call me before?” He was so angry.
“I didn’t get the chance to call you! He came through the balcony- gave me a fright! And I tried to stop him, but he left- you know I could never make him stay!” She reasoned.
His eyes searched her, trying to catch any lies there, “This is his, isn’t it?”
She nodded when he plucked at the sleeve of Suguru’s tweed jacket.
“Did he hurt you?”
Sighing, she shook her head, affronted, “Of course not!”
“Don’t sound so sure. He’s not the same guy you remember, Shoko, he’s dangerous!”
“Oh yeah, so dangerous, he held me at gunpoint and made love to me!” She mocked, making him flinch, “He didn’t do anything I didn’t want, Satoru. He was a total gentleman, we talked, and then he just left.”
“Just talked?” He raised an eyebrow, looking her up and down, noticing what she wore underneath- barely anything. “Seems like you did a little more than just talk!”
“That’s none of your business,” she defended herself, making him scoff and bark out a laugh.
“It is my business when it involves the two of you! ‘The three of us’, isn’t that what you said so yourself?” He mimicked her, glaring, “Are you really that easy, Shoko? You would just let some guy that walked out on you- betrayed you- come back to fuck you and then just leave you again? If you were so horny and desperate, you could have just called me-”
She slapped him across the face- her hand connecting with flesh instead of an invisible barrier. She was more surprised than he was, and then she realized he’s done this intentionally. He riled her up and forced her hand so she could vent.
“Is that the best you got?” He mocked her, and she swung again, this time to punch him, but he caught her fist. She lashed out with the other but got caught again. He swung her around, her back to his chest, and folded their arms in front of her. She kicked her legs, but he simply grabbed hold of the backs of her thighs; scooping her up, and carried her to the bed in three long strides, dumping her unceremoniously and knocking the wind out of her.
He kicked off his shoes and jumped in with her, pulling her close until her cheek rested against his chest. “W-what the hell are you doing-” She tried to push off again, but he wouldn’t budge.
“I’m trying to comfort you.”
“By insulting me and riling me up? That’s a strange way of comforting someone, you asshole!” She shoved against him, but he locked her tightly in his arms, his chin holding the top of her head in place.
“I shouldn’t have lashed out like that,” he sighed. “I just got so heated when you told me he was here- you should have called me right away!”
“I wanted to, but he never gave me the chance.”
He inhaled deeply and let out a sharp breath through his nose.
“You know he would have left as soon as I dialed your number, Satoru. How often is it that he comes to see one of us out of his own free will? I needed to hear him out.” She felt him slowly nod his head.
“Why is it that he only ever seeks you out? Why doesn’t he ever talk to me?”
“Because he knows you haven’t forgiven him yet.”
“Because he knows I’ll kill him the first chance I get,” he corrected her.
“That’s not true! You’ve had plenty of chances in the past, and you don’t have it in you to kill him- not yet.” She slipped her hand underneath the hem of his shirt, smoothing it over his beating heart. “I also think it’s because he knows he’ll fold if he sees you again.”
“What d’ya mean?”
“…He loved you, Satoru- more than me.”
“That’s not true-”
“It is!” She breathed out, “You two had a bond that was far deeper. Two outcasts that understood each other, and together formed a unit that was the strongest. Losing you was losing half of himself, but he had to in order to pursue whatever the fuck it is he’s after… He’s… lost, but he’s still somewhere in there. I have hope he’ll come around again, but you know how stubborn he can be! If I pushed him, I would have lost him forever. We need him to come around on his own.”
“And what if he doesn’t?” He questioned, “What if you’ve just encouraged him more, Shoko?”
“He’s a grown man now, Satoru. If I had any influence on him at all, he wouldn’t have left in the first place… But I can hope that he’ll see the light again.”
They didn’t speak for a while after that, simply basking in each other’s closeness.
Combing his fingers through her hair, he broke the tranquil silence, “He loves you.”
All she did was sigh in defeat.“He does!” He insisted, “I love you too, don’t get it twisted!”
“Sure…”
“Why don’t you sound convinced?” He turned her over, leaning over her, “You’re not just some fuckbuddy, Shoko. You’re precious to us.” He searched her eyes, watching as they glazed over with a fresh wave of tears, “We care about you more than you realize. You don’t seem to love yourself enough! We’ve always had to look out for you, or we were afraid you would be the first one that gets sucked into the darkness- we were terrified of losing you!”
“And look how that turned out, huh?” She hated to rub salt in his wounds, but they had gotten it all so wrong with her! “You live life so freely, Satoru. And you will always be wanted by hordes of people- loved by them. Suguru has his demons, but no matter what he does, I will never stop loving him, and neither will you. As for me, I’m just left on my own.”
“You’re not alone- that’s bullshit!”
“You have something going on with Utahime- something good. And you have Megumi and Tsumiki- a new family. You can’t always be there for me-”, he was shaking his head in denial, “I don’t like holding you back because you’re guilty about Suguru.”
“I’m not with you because I’m guilty about Suguru, Shoko!” He was infuriated with her, “I’m with you because you’re one of the few people I love and care about! I would be dead before I let something happen to you- not after I let Suguru down!”
All she could do was stare back at him; her words failed her at that moment. All this time she was convinced she was a hindrance, a liability, someone that reminded him of one failure, but apparently, she was wrong once again.
“You’re not on your own…” he whispered, looking so sad.
Slowly nodding, “I know that now,” she reassured him, caressing his face. He was still so childlike and innocent, even though he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders and had taken Fushiguro Tsumiki and Megumi under his wing. “I just wish we could have helped him when we had the chance, you know? I feel guilty that so much time was spent looking after me, that we overlooked how much he was struggling all this time!
“He was so unsure, Satoru,” she whispered, “Hesitant and desperate, and when I held him, all anger just vanished! I couldn’t do anything but hold him for as long as I could- I didn’t realize how much I’d yearned for it!” She gasped as tears slipped past her lashes, “And then he just up and left! Just like that, he left me all alone again, Satoru!”
Now the tears flowed freely, and she didn’t stop them. Misty-eyed himself, Satoru wiped them away with his thumbs, but more continued to stream. He kissed them away too, and then placed his lips on hers, slowly kissing the hurt away. She wrapped her arms around his neck, opening herself up to him, allowing him to taste the other third of them on her tongue, and when he moved his body on top of hers, she arched into him; seeking out that heat and feel that was so like the one she was with just previously.
They kissed and ran their hands all over each other. He buried his face into the crook of her neck, inhaling the scent coming off the grey suit jacket she still wore. Soon enough, their bodies were joined as well, a sensual dance of skin-ship and love swaying their bodies against the mattress in a slow and calculated rhythm.
They swallowed each other’s moans and sobs as the thrusts became faster, their tongues rubbed harder, and the coil of pleasure in their groins became tighter.
“Faster, Satoru,” she pleaded, moaning at the sensations he gave her.
Swooping down, he cupped her breast in his hand, pulling the lacy cup down to latch his hot mouth over a hardened nipple and sucked, making her gasp out his name. Swirling the tip of his tongue around the nub, he picked up his pace and drove into her slick heat harder- already coated in their lost lover’s seed. “Fuck- you’re so tight, Sho!”
She carded her fingers through his hair, pulling on strands every time he hit a spot in her that sent shocks of pleasure up her spine. “I’m so close!” She gasped.
Keeping his mouth attached to her breast, he snaked his hand between their joined bodies, seeking out a little bundle of nerves at her center. Pressing his index and forefinger to it he rubbed it back and forth, making her toes curl and stealing her breath away.
“Don’t stop! Don’t stop!” She cried in rapture.
Her second climax of the night hit her hard, but he continued to dive into her at a fever pitch. With a groan he came as well, spurting into her with each shallow pump, his teeth scraping at the thin skin on her neck, leaving a trail of hickeys in their wake.
Numbness and fatigue set in as soon as the pleasure subsided. Flipping them over, he nestled her on top of him, holding her close and the two tried to catch their breaths.
The gray suit jacket still adorned her small frame, their bodies still joined intimately, and the evidence of their love remained mixed inside of her- another strange cocktail unique to the three of them. At that moment, one-third of their heart was no longer missing. They were whole, they were content, and they were hopeful for a new beginning.
~fin~