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Ben’s been looking at him all evening.
Not that Jed minds, really. Ben has this way of looking at him like he thinks Jed is the most amazing thing he’s ever seen, like he’s the thing most worth looking at in the whole world. No one has ever looked at Jed like that before.
But Ben is also looking at Jed like he’s fragile, like if he glances away for even one second Jed might disappear, and it’s not exactly hard to figure out why.
“Hey,” Jed says, nudging his foot against Ben’s. They spent most of the day following the fight with Ken with the pack but they’ve finally retreated to his room together, sitting beside each other on the bed. “Anyone ever tell you staring is creepy?”
“No,” Ben says. “Is it?”
Honestly Jed’s not sure if he’s joking or not. “You don’t have to keep looking at me, you know. I’m right here.”
“I like looking at you.”
Jed smiles, pleased but a little bashful, because it’s not just flirty, when Ben says it, it’s genuine, and Jed aches a little with how much he means it. He doesn’t think he’s ever known someone who has been so open with him – or someone who’s been so easily content just to be with him.
“And I’m happy you’re here,” Ben adds before Jed can respond.
Jed’s smile fades a bit because there’s something distant and dark and painful in Ben’s eyes. He can’t imagine –
He remembers Ben telling him about Ashur and he doesn’t know how someone lives with a loss like that, how they go on. He thinks it’s the sort of thing you never quite get over.
He knows that for Ben to have seen him, after Doctor Saltzman… It must have brought it all back, and he hates that he was the cause of any of Ben’s pain. It’s taken them some work to get here and he hates that when they were finally coming together again, Ben had to lose him, even if it didn’t last.
“I’m sorry you…” he starts hesitantly, but Ben’s lips are pressing against his temple and Jed stops.
“You came back to me,” Ben murmurs, “and that’s all that matters.” He says it like he means it, so Jed tries to believe it.
He lets his arm drape behind Ben’s back and leans against him. “So I heard you don’t heal on your own anymore.”
“My father is gone, and my curse went with him.”
“And that makes you…”
“Mortal. You’ll have to protect me,” Ben says, teasing.
“Pretty sure you’re still a demigod, so I think that means you should protect me. But,” Jed continues after a thought occurs to him, “you should probably stop running around like you can’t die. I’m not gonna protect you from your own reckless stupidity.”
“Pretty sure you will.”
“Pretty sure I won’t.”
Ben’s mouth is curving into a tiny smirk. He squeezes Jed’s thigh. “You will. Because you like me.”
“Not sure I like you right now,” Jed says, but he has to glance away because Ben’s face is really making him want to smile and he can’t, he can’t let Ben win just because of his stupid face.
Damn. He really does like him, though. Shit.
“It’s okay, though,” Ben says. “I can still take care of myself. Got pretty good at it. And I’ll take care of you, too.” His tone grows fonder at the end, all trace of teasing gone.
“We’ll take care of each other,” Jed says, feeling kind of dumb when he says it, but Ben’s eyes are shining as he watches him so it mostly makes up for it.
“I like that.”
Jed can’t leave it there. He desperately needs Ben to know. “You’re part of my pack now.”
Ben’s lips part faintly, like he’s surprised. “I’m not a wolf.”
“You’re not a wolf, but you’re my pack. Ben, you’re my –” And he stops, but he can tell by Ben’s face that he knows how that sentence was going to end.
It shouldn’t be this hard to say. Jed knows Ben loves him. It shouldn’t be hard. He wants it, even, wants Ben to understand what he means, what he means to Jed, that he is his pack. But he doesn’t know if this is right, if he should, if he can, if it will change anything. Everything.
He’s afraid of changing everything.
“You can say it,” Ben says, his hand warm against Jed’s neck. “If you’re ready.”
And then he adds, so soft, “Please.” Like it’s important, like it matters, like he wants it. Like he wants it, but he’ll wait for when Jed does, too.
Somehow, then, it feels easy.
“You’re my boyfriend,” Jed says.
It’s a silly word. Ben is thousands of years old, literally, a demigod. Kind of childish, maybe, to call him Jed’s boyfriend.
But Ben is smiling at him, impossibly bright, and Jed feels warm, lit up all the way through, and he would say it again and again and again to hold onto this feeling, to keep Ben smiling at him like this.
“I am,” Ben agrees, touching his forehead to Jed’s.
From there, Jed figures he’s got no choice but to kiss him. He shifts on the bed to get closer, Ben’s hands sliding into his hair, Ben’s mouth opening to his. Did he know kissing could feel like this? Is this what happens when you care about someone this much?
It’s a little bit scary. But then, it’s hard to be scared when he knows that Ben will catch him.
Jed swings his leg over, straddling Ben’s hips. Ben’s hands glide down his neck, his shoulders, his waist. Jed kisses the corner of his mouth, his cheekbone, feels the hitching in Ben’s breath.
“Can I… can we…” And he doesn’t know why he’s so awkward, why he can’t say it.
Ben is looking at him in that way again, like he’s beautiful and precious and extraordinary, and Jed thinks he might die from this aching need. He doesn’t think he’s ever wanted something so much in his life.
“Yes,” Ben says, his voice low. “Yes.”
It’s lucky that what Jed wants is already his.
End