Chapter Text
Sometimes James knows exactly who he is and other times he feels as though he is a balloon floating in air. As though he has no purpose on this earth. It’s difficult, he thinks, to know as he hides away from people. It’s difficult to feel so untethered in this world when he knows he was tied to people. He knows he had a family. He knows he had friends, a job. An identity. He knows. He’s seen pictures but he doesn't remember. He knows the information through reading, not from memory. He doesn't know if he is The Asset, and it hurts to think about Bucky Barnes. So, he is James.
Just plain, simple James Barnes who lives in Hartly, a small, random town where no one would expect the previously known Winter Soldier to be. It’s perfect for James, no one assumes anything of him, no one has no expectations of him. He can just be himself. Sometimes that's a quiet man who goes to work at the local mechanic shop and keeps out of everyone's way, and other times he's a man who makes small talk with the other families and helps out in the community garden and goes to community events.
It’s a random Tuesday, where James is in a good mood, a mood that allows him to be social, albeit a little cautiously, that the life James built for himself after escaping HYDRA, that it all goes to shit. You see, James had multiple reasons for settling in this town such as wanting to be away from a lot of people, wanting to make a new community and so on. But the main, number one reason was to stay away from SHIELD and Steve Rogers and one of the best ways to hide was in the open where no one would suspect you to be.
James woke up that morning somewhat relaxed, it wasn’t the usual levels of nightmares last night and he actually had a happy memory resurface where he remembered helping his younger sister Rebecca, with her maths homework. A simple memory but one that reminds him of happier, easy times. He followed his routine, use the bathroom, brush teeth, wash face, get changed, cereal and out the door by 7.30 to open the shop at 8.00 and let customers in.
He was feeling good, calm. That is until, a certain someone drove their car into the mechanic shop. The person got out of their car and walked over to James who was filling out the paperwork to order in some new parts. When James looked up, he saw the person he was dreading to see, Steve. Why, James thought, why today of all days did Steve have to come, when he was finally settled into his new life. He just wanted to live his life without any connections from his past and yet here he was faced with his unforgettable past.
James decided he wasn’t even going to acknowledge the fact that he recognised Steve. He was just going to treat him like a regular customer.
“Hello. Welcome to ABC Mechanics, how may I help you today?”
“Er, my car is fine. I just wanted to speak to you, Bucky. How have you been?”
Ugh, James thought, there was no way he could avoid this. Unless he pretended, he just didn’t know Steve, but James figured that could cause more issues for him than solutions. No, he was going to have to actually talk to him. Which sucked but he couldn't prepare for this. And now the longer he thought about this, the more he was going off the routine. Honestly, fuck Steve for ruining his routine.
“I’ve been fine, Steve. Now if you don't actually need anything for your car, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”
James thought it was equal levels of politeness and engagement that would encourage Steve to leave and hopefully not come back but Steve’s face fell. Still, James stood strong, he didn't want to go back and be called a fugitive and have to go through scientists prodding at him and going to jail.
“If you would like, can we continue speaking later at the cafe in town?”
Where in the absolute hell did that come from, James frantically asked himself what the actual living hell was that. Damn Steve and his stupid sad face. James was never able to resist it and James truly despised every single thing and person on the planet at that exact moment. He wanted to scream. He just wanted to go home after work and eat dinner while watching his show, Dog Cops and go to bed. It was not too much to ask for and here he was ruining his own plans.
“Yes please! When do you finish work?”
Sadly, Steve’s face had light up had his suggestion and was eager to plan this day out. James had no choice.
“I finish at 3. We can meet then. Please go now.”
“Yes, okay. I’ll go.”
Steve hesitated. James was not sure why, he just needed Steve to go so he could get back on track and prepare himself for what was inevitably going to be difficult and uncomfortable.
“You’ll really come?”
James cursed at himself; he hadn’t meant to hurt Steve.
“Of course. I’ll be there, don’t worry.”
Steve got back in his car and left with one last look at James when opening the car door. James gave him a half smile, hoping that it would be enough to ensure Steve that he would come and encourage him to leave.
Annoyingly, it had been a slow day and James was left to his thoughts which only left him feeling more and more unsettled. By time came to the end of his shift, James was unsteady, and almost untethered to reality, attached to his thoughts.
Thoughts of what Steve would say, would he have to leave, what about his job, panic rose in him as he collected his things to leave the shop to meet Steve. He didn't want to, but James also knew that this life was a lie no matter how much he took comfort in the simplicity of the life he had built for himself. Knew that this small town was not where he belonged. As much as it was scary and almost painful to admit, James knew he belonged with Steve. His brother. His family.
James made his way to the cafe, it was only a half hour away and on his way there he couldn't help but ponder what his life is going to be life now, whether he will have to create a new routine, how will he say goodbye to these people who had accepted him and gave him a job and helped him feel secure.
James hoped that wherever that Steve is going to take him to, he will still be able to think his own thoughts, that no agency or organization will take his thoughts again, but James also felt like that may just be wishful thinking.
Suddenly, James stopped. How did Steve know he was here? Has Steve been tracking him? Did the Avengers know where he was? Shit, did SHIELD know? Or the Government? Questions racked his brain and James made a sharp turn to go back home. He couldn't stay here any longer and be found. He wasn't ready.