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Azem is visiting Elpis today.
She’s stepping down from her seat soon. A replacement has already been chosen, and she has been guiding them with her firm and gentle hand.
Or so the rumors say.
It is important, certainly, but it hardly affects the goings-on of the facility. So he does wonder why she visits, if she is bringing her protégé with her, and how long she plans to stay. The other researchers carry on as they usually do, and Hermes busies himself with his work.
A massive, regal creature with feathers so dark they look black is perched on his arm, a thick glove protecting him from its talons piercing through his sleeve, or into his skin. It’s smaller than many of the other raptors that currently reside on Elpis, but just as marvelous. It swivels its head, yellow eyes blinking, and then with a beat of its mighty wings takes back off into the air, leaving Hermes behind, gliding high above until it becomes a dark speck over the distant trees.
Gorgeous, he thinks. He’s certain it will be approved.
Wingspan, approximately eight feet. Feeds predominantly on aquatic life and small rodents. More active at nightfall, but not nocturnal. Will likely be one step closer to fixing the recent predator-prey disparity in the world below. What a remarkable creature, isn’t it?
“Hello, chief overseer!” A woman’s voice snaps him out of his thoughts. Hermes turns his head, meeting eyes blue as the summer sky. He’s met her before, Azem—she was strong, kind, and loving. When she smiles, he’s reminded of his mother. Or what little he can remember of her. Mostly gentle hands cradling his head, stroking his hair, a voice singing him to sleep. “I apologize; am I interrupting your work?”
“I— no.” Hermes looks back to where the concept had flown off. He can’t see it now. The glove is slowly removed. “I’ve just finished.”
Azem’s smile widens just a bit. She nods, and he’s struggling to look her in the eyes for no reason other than it’s always been difficult. The masks make it easier, but she isn’t wearing hers. Thankfully, she looks away from his own masked face, over her shoulder.
“You will have to forgive us for coming by on such short notice. He was very insistent that he sees the facility as soon as possible.”
Us? He?
“‘Tis an honor to have you here, I assure you.” Hermes replies. “Might I ask who… he… is?”
And at that moment, someone touches his shoulder from behind and he just about jumps out of his skin. Instinct almost has him whipping around to whack them across the face. He does spin around, though, and the man that had snuck up on him dances a few feet back with a laugh.
“Sorry! Sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you!” The other’s eyes are as golden as the sun, and they’re shining just as bright. Hermes might have been breathless upon seeing them were he not so ruffled at the moment, swiftly trying to regain his composure.
The man is tall, very tall, taller than even Hermes, who already towered over almost all of his colleagues. He has to crane his neck to look up at him. Hair black and glossy as a raven’s feathers, impossibly long and partially tied up behind his head, the rest spilling over his shoulders, down his back, nearly at his ankles, and a few strands still hanging in front of those shimmering eyes. The man reaches up and scratches at his bearded jaw.
“You didn’t scare me,” Hermes manages to reply. Startled, maybe, but not really scared. Not that he’s too interested in quibbling over semantics.
“Good. It’s hard to tell with that mask on, you know.” The other is ducking his head down to eye level. Close. So close that Hermes can see there are hardly any blemishes on the warm brown of his skin, but little crinkles at the corners of his eyes. He must smile a lot.
“Surya, please give him some space,” Azem says, her tone leaving little room for argument. Immediately, ‘Surya’ pulls back and Hermes releases the breath that had been stuck halfway up his throat. He suddenly feels a little dizzy, but he isn’t entirely sure why. “You should treat Elpis’ chief overseer with a little more respect.”
Hermes can hear the amusement in her voice regardless. He smooths out his robes.
“Yes, of course,” Surya replies, waving his hand. “I don’t want to make our gracious host unhappy.”
Host? He’s not a very good host. Or is Surya joking? He can’t tell.
“My apologies, Hermes. This is Surya—he has been my student for quite some time, my friend for even longer, and he will be taking the seat of Azem once I step down. I thought it would be beneficial to show him Elpis as soon as possible, to see where much of the life in our world is studied and approved for the star. And to meet you. You are very highly esteemed, you know.”
Of course he knows. It’s something he should pride himself in, but something about it makes his stomach turn. It almost makes him a little uncomfortable.
The wind is knocked out of him again when Surya scoops up his hand, dips his head down, and presses a kiss to his knuckles. Hermes’ brain stutters, then screeches to a halt. His beard tickles a little bit.
"It is an honor to meet you," Surya murmurs against his hand.
The name Surya rings a bell. He’s heard it before, somewhere, from someone. Surya, Surya, Surya.
Ah, yes. The Akadaemia’s current star pupil. His intelligence and wit are uncontested, but people always seemed to be rather… divided on their opinions of him. Some find him a comfortable, enjoyable presence. Others find him insufferably smug and bold. There was one thing Hermes remembers the researchers all agreeing on when he overheard them one day, though.
That Surya was an absolutely incorrigible flirt.
Surya lifts his head and releases Hermes’ hand. Hermes blinks rapidly behind his mask. “Ah. How very polite of you.” His face feels warm. “‘Twould be my pleasure to show you around the facility.”
He clears his throat, throwing a look Azem's way. "Will you be joining us?"
"No," she says with a smile that looks strangely… mischievous. "It has been some time since I have been here; I think I will explore on my own."
And then she's off before either man can say a word.
Hermes opens his mouth, then closes it, squinting at where she had just been standing moments before. Then he looks back up at Surya who, apparently, hasn't taken his eyes off him. The skin on his hand still feels warm from the kiss. Does he greet everyone like that? He assumes so, with his reputation.
It wasn't. Bad. Just… expected. Hermes doesn't remember anyone ever doing that to him before.
"I would be happy to answer any questions you have," Hermes says. Surya gives a nod, smiling, and when Hermes starts to walk Surya follows, shortening his strides so he doesn't end up leagues ahead of Hermes.
It turns out that Surya has many questions. He's curious, genuinely interested, excited. He practically buzzes when Hermes answers each and every one of them, be it about the inner workings of Elpis or about any of the concepts that cross their path.
Hermes holds out a tiny, floppy-eared creature with a fluffy tail and watches as Surya, with a surprising amount of gentleness for his massive form, strokes over its head with his thumb.
He doesn't remember the last time someone else has been so gentle with the concepts here. Treating them like living beings capable of love, sadness, and suffering. Those golden eyes were soft, smile softer. Something in Hermes aches. He doesn’t know what for—someone who understands, maybe? Does Surya understand? Part of him hopes he does. To have someone like that in the Convocation… well, the current Azem herself always seemed to love all manner of life; she used to visit Elpis quite frequently just because she could, just to meet the creatures there. But he never really knew her. She was always an enigma of sorts.
Surya is open with him, sunny and excited to learn, his brightness almost blinding. Hermes thinks he understands them now, those who spoke of Surya’s comforting presence. Just like the current Azem’s. Perhaps he will be well-suited for the role of the Traveler. Until one day he steps down, feeling fulfilled, and returns to the star, just like his teacher…
“Do you truly desire a seat in the Convocation?” Hermes asks suddenly as he watches Surya feed waterfowl grains from his palm. The man turns his head to look up at him, brows raised. He tilts his head, letting out a low laugh.
“Well, it isn’t so much what I desire,” Surya responds. “Ve— Azem recommended me herself. They agreed, and the offer was extended. They make it very hard to say no.”
But you can, can’t you?
“But,” Surya continues, rising up to his full height. “If it means I can travel the world and help people, then I can’t complain.”
Oh, so that’s how it is. It isn’t the power that comes with the seat. It’s the simple fact that the title of Azem and all the responsibility it bears means he can help people. He just wants to help people.
Hermes breathes in. “I see.” He pauses, staring at his reflection in the water. For a brief moment, he considers removing the mask. “Then I wish you luck in your endeavors.”
Surya laughs again, the sound deep and rich, making Hermes’ skin prickle with odd warmth. “Enough about that,” the other man says. “What can you tell me about these creatures? Penelops, you called them…?”
Something in Hermes lights up and he doesn’t hesitate to launch into a detailed explanation. All the while, Surya listens with a pleasant smile.
The sky is darkening by the time Azem finds them again. Ah, has it really been that long? Hermes had gotten so absorbed in… talking, which… well, he’s normally quite reserved, but when someone asks about his research, the things he’s interested in, he… can’t really help himself. It all just tumbles out. But Surya had hung onto every word.
“I trust your day has been fruitful,” she says.
“Yes, I’ve learned quite a lot, thanks to Hermes here,” Surya replies, then settles his hand on Hermes’ shoulder again. It’s a heavy, warm weight there. He doesn’t jump or pull away this time. He still feels a little awkward, though. “I’m looking forward to coming here again.”
He wants to come here again… well, his presence would not be unwelcome.
“There will be much more to see upon your return,” Hermes finally says. “We are never in short supply of new concepts.”
Surya pulls his hand away. When Hermes looks up at him, he sees that he’s still smiling, and his eyes are soft.
“Then you’ll be seeing me again in the future,” Surya says. “And perhaps I’ll get to see the face you’re hiding. I’m sure you must be quite handsome.”
“I—” Hermes blinks a few times, but Surya is already waving to him and returning to Azem’s side. He breathes in. “Well. Safe travels back to Amaurot. Give my regards to Fandaniel.” And good luck.
—
Surya visits often. He holds the seat of Azem now, and is very busy.
Venat, the former Azem, Surya’s friend and teacher, upon stepping down from her role decided to spend her time in Elpis. He sees her often now, donning a robe as white as her hair, often with her furry familiar close behind. They speak on occasion, but she seems content to leave him alone to do his work.
Surya—and he had insisted Hermes still call him that—still follows him around whenever he visits, always asking questions, always watching him work. It makes him feel odd, how the other man genuinely desires his company.
He still can’t forget the look on Surya’s face when he finally removed his mask. It was… not bad. Quite the opposite. His eyes had sparkled and he had grinned and brought a large hand up to Hermes’ cheek. Hermes’ breath had caught in his throat. The touch was almost reverent.
“See, I knew you would be handsome,” Surya had murmured, while Hermes’ heart fluttered.
—
Somewhere along the line, Hermes knows he’s fallen for him. He's not sure exactly when, and he's never been experienced with love like this—but the sight of Surya, the sound of his voice, the way his eyes sparkle when he looks at Hermes…
It makes him feel breathless, dizzy.
Does Surya feel the same, he wonders? Does the sight of Hermes make him feel just as breathless and dizzy? Is Hermes imagining that tender smile and that gaze like he's the most beautiful thing Surya has ever set his eyes on?
Hermes stares at him when he visits. A lot. It's almost embarrassing, but Surya has never said a word about it. He seems to stare just as much, in fact. They watch the stars, and then they watch each other. Side by side, their heads turned in the grass, eyes meeting, pinkies linked. They smile; they fall asleep like that beneath the night sky.
It’s comfortable, but it’s also unfamiliar. It’s… scary.
It makes Hermes feel a little like a small, frightened animal. He wants to run away from the praise, the sunshine that Surya shines down on him. No one has done this for him before, and he does not feel deserving of it—but he also wants to run right towards it, right into Surya’s waiting arms.
Surya meets him in a field of flowers. No one else nearby, only free-roaming concepts. The wind sweeps through his hair, sweet and gentle, like a caress from a lover—as if Hermes would know what that felt like.
“Is there a reason why you wanted to see me all the way out here?” Surya asks with a smile. “Just us two?”
“Yes,” Hermes responds, but his tongue feels like lead. He swallows hard, his throat rough. He’s not entirely sure what he wants to say. Yes, of course he wants to tell Surya how he feels! But he also doesn’t know if it’s worth it, he doesn’t know what will come of it, if he’s getting swept up in his own fantasies and just imagining everything. Every smile, stolen glance, gentle touch. It makes his thoughts chaotic, harried. Maybe it’d just be easier to tell Surya to leave, not come back, instead of dealing with these feelings.
But I don’t want to do that!
Surya is looking at him expectantly, patiently. Hermes wonders if he should have rehearsed what he wanted to say before asking him to come. Then again, would he have been able to remember it when the time came to say it? Would he lose his nerve? He’s trying to keep his hands from shaking, so he balls them up into tight fists, blunt nails digging painfully into the skin of his palms.
“I… I asked you to come here because…” He sucks in a deep breath. He’s never been good with words unless talking about his research. It was hard. But Surya always listened, pleasantly and patiently, a smile on his face. He listened, asked questions, calmed the nervous gesticulation of his hands as he rambled with his own gentle touch. “Because I wanted to… to say… I…”
Hermes is having a hard time looking at Surya in the eye, but when he does look up he can see that Surya’s still smiling. It’s… different now, however. Almost playful. Maybe even… knowing?
Does he know?
“You are always a welcome presence on Elpis,” Hermes says, quickly looking away. “And… I appreciate your company. It makes the days much brighter.”
“Uh-huh.”
Is Surya moving closer to him now? Hermes looks up again. Hells, he is! His tongue twists and he stutters out, “A-and so I- I wanted to say that I- that I—”
Something tickles beneath his chin. Hermes gasps, looking down at the glimmering white Elpis flower that Surya’s—now directly in front of him, right in his space—held up to his face. He blinks owlishly, mouth agape. Surya’s smile turns into a grin and then glimmering white shifts into a soft hue of sunset pink. The color of…
“Hermes,” Surya says, voice gentle. So gentle. “You cannot begin to understand just how much I feel the same.”
Hermes is breathless, speechless. His hands uncurl from their fists and begin to shake, even though he had tried so hard to keep them from doing so.
“I…” Hermes swallows again. “Surya, I’ve fallen- fallen in love. I think. I have never- never been in love, I am not entirely sure, but you are very important to me. And…” His head hangs. The Elpis flower tickles his cheek, still glowing pink. “To think you would feel the same…”
The flower is lowered. Surya releases it, and Hermes watches it float to the ground, settling in the grass at their feet. Then his hand touches Hermes’ cheek, his fingers ghosting along the sharp angle of his jaw before his palm settles and cradles his face. The touch coaxes Hermes to look up at Surya again, to finally meet his eyes.
“Why wouldn’t I feel the same?” Surya says. “Compassionate, intelligent, beautiful—how could I not?”
Hermes trembles. Such kind words, he feels undeserving of them. He couldn’t comprehend how Surya—handsome, vibrant, kind Surya—could think of him, a humble researcher, who isn’t very good with people, like that. But Surya wouldn’t lie to him. Hermes knows Surya wouldn’t lie to him. He’s certain of these things: the grass is green, the sky is blue, and Surya would never lie to him.
He loves you.
“Surya…”
“Hush,” Surya murmurs. He tilts Hermes’ face up. They stare at each other for a few long moments that seem to last an eternity. Surya’s eyes, golden as the sun, swim with undeniable adoration. He’s so beautiful. Hermes wants to reach out to hold him, but he’s having trouble moving his arms from his sides. When Surya moves his head in a little closer, Hermes holds his breath. A thumb brushes over his lips. “May I kiss you?”
He releases the breath he’d been holding long enough to rasp out, “Please. Yes.”
Surya smiles wide, then closes the gap between their faces. His lips are soft and warm. He kisses Hermes sweetly. Finally, Hermes finds the strength to raise his arms and settle his hands on Surya’s chest. His fingers bunch into the fabric of his robes, holding on fast. Surya’s beard is scratchy, it tickles against Hermes’ face, but the sensation isn’t wholly unpleasant. It tickles a little, enough to make Hermes’ lips twitch into a half-smile.
They part, only for Surya to press kisses to Hermes’ cheeks, his jaw, his nose, his forehead. He nuzzles into the crown of his hair while his thumb continues to stroke along his cheek, his other hand coming to rest on Hermes’ waist.
He’s never been this close to another person before. Or, well, it’s been a long time, so long that Hermes can scarcely remember it.
I don’t want to lose this, he thinks as Surya pulls him flush against him. He’s big, warm, and solid, and Hermes curls into him almost immediately. Please, don’t let me lose this.
At their feet, the Elpis flower continues to glow pink.
—
The first time they make love, Hermes’ head spins, and he cries.
He doesn’t realize he’s begun to cry until Surya’s enthusiastic movements come to a sudden halt. Large, warm hands take hold of his face, brushing away tears with thumbs.
“I’m sorry. Do you want to stop? Am I hurting you?” Those golden eyes are wide, shining with worry. With so much love. Hermes feels dizzy looking into them.
“No,” Hermes croaks, sniffling. His own hands drop from Surya’s shoulders to mop at his face, batting Surya’s hands away. “I’m fine. I’m just- just— happy.”
And he is. He’s so, so happy. Surya smiles, relieved, and grabs his hands to tangle their fingers together and pin them over Hermes’ head while he ducks down to kiss him.
“Me, too,” Surya murmurs against his lips. “I love you.”
“I love you,” Hermes says back to him, and he breathes it out like a mantra against Surya’s bearded jaw.
—
“Let me take you on an adventure one day,” Surya says to him during one visit. “There is a whole world out there you’ve never seen before. I would love nothing more than to show you.”
Hermes is silent for a few moments. “The offer is appreciated,” he says quietly. “But I have a duty to fulfill here.”
Yes, Elpis had numerous researchers, so many that could watch over the facility while he was gone. But the thought makes him twitchy, antsy. And yet… there had always been a part of him that wondered about the world outside of Elpis, outside of Amaurot. Surya has seen so much of it, he always has new stories to tell him, and always describes the things he’s seen in such vivid detail.
Surya lets out a low hum. “If you were to get into any trouble for leaving, just for a little while, you’re free to blame me.” He bumps their arms together. “Azem spiriting you away from your responsibilities. You wouldn’t be lying.”
Hermes can’t help his smile, his breathless laugh. “You get into enough trouble as is.”
“I don’t mind getting into a little more — for you.”
Their pinky fingers hook together. “Maybe one day,” Hermes murmurs. “Yes, one day you can show me everything.”
Surya turns his head to speak into Hermes hair, “I look forward to it.”
—
Amaurot is big, loud, and busy. So unlike Elpis. Hermes feels out of place. He feels lost. The title they graced him with doesn’t feel right and… he’s undeserving, he tells himself.
There is this perpetual feeling of dread and unease in the pit of his gut, a strange hole in his heart, like he’s missing something. Forgetting something. He doesn’t know what. All he knows is he’s gone from Elpis, he’s Fandaniel now, Meteion and her sisters are — dead. And he feels so horribly alone.
“I still want to show you the world,” Surya tells him as they lie in bed together, hidden away in Surya’s suite. Hermes stares at the far wall, his head on Surya’s chest, listening to the beating of his heart. The hair on his chest tickles, but Hermes doesn’t smile. “If only I could whisk you away from here forever. We could go where they can’t find us.”
“They would find us,” Hermes replies.
Surya falls silent. The hand at Hermes’ back runs down his spine, then back up. “I know,” he finally replies. “But the thought is nice, isn’t it?”
“It is.” Hermes lifts his head, then props himself up on his elbow to look down at Surya. Those golden eyes are still so bright, but they swim with concern. He always looks at Hermes with such concern these days. Hermes hates making him worry. “You can still show me, one day. Just like I said. Everything.”
“Everything,” Surya repeats.
“You… promise to show me everything?” Hermes touches Surya’s jaw. Surya nods.
“Yes, I promise. Anything for you.”
Hermes’ smile is shaky. “Thank you.”
I don’t want to lose this. I don’t want to lose this. I don’t want to lose this. I don’t want to lose this. I don’t want to lose this. Please.
—
The sky is on fire and Surya has left him.
“I will come back,” he had promised, shepherd’s crook in hand. “When I find a way to stop this, I will come back.”
He doesn’t come back.
Hermes is alone, as he always was before.
How fitting, that this should be how his story ends. To lose everything he ever cared about, to lose everything that ever loved him in return, as the world crumbled to pieces around him.