Chapter Text
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF FÓDLAN HISTORY
EDELGARD vs DIMITRI
Dimitri:
El. How could you? I should have known something didn’t track.
I didn’t give you that dagger so you could stab me in the back!
The only thing you do to live up to that “Flame Emperor” name
Is set the very people seeking your protection aflame.
You have two Crests, yet somehow, you still fall short.
Heard that you’re fearful of rats, yet you make TWSITD ("twisted") cohorts.
Now like your Hegemony Husk, your future looks grim
I’d tell you to cry me a river — but you can’t swim!
Edelgard:
Sorry not sorry! But I do what I must
To throw off this Crest system and throw down the Church!
Think you can stop me? You don’t stand a ghost of a chance!
You’re just the King of Delusion and you can
Kiss my axe
You know what the real Tragedy of Duscur is? That your people are Nazis!
You’ve got no taste yet you make your whole existence bitter and salty!
I’ve been fighting for a new Fódlan since the Edge of Dawn!
You’re just a dirty edgelord tryhard. You make me yawn.
Dimitri:
Ha! I barely fall asleep, Edelgard, but you’re putting me to it
With your self-righteous drivel. You bit off too much — now chew it!
I’d say get therapy, but I think your sanity just might be this twisted.
Even Byleth with the Time Goddess you don’t believe in can’t undo it!
Enough with your madness! Is this some twisted joke?
I guess you won’t get to answer when I get my hands on your throat!
You were supposed to be my sister, but when it came to you and yours
The Agarthans’ biggest mistake was they didn’t
[bass drop] Kill every last one of them
Edelgard:
Even with one eye, you should see that’s crossing a line!
You didn’t have a mommy so you tried to take mine!
You’re so broken, half the time you simply die off screen
Where I come from, we hunt boars for sport and we
DON’T EAT WEEDS!
The truth’s so delicate, Dimitri, even if I hand it to you
You’re so damn clumsy, like your needles, you’d just snap it in two!
My father gave me my dream; your father gives you nightmares!
And on top of daddy issues
[whisper] Even your mommy didn’t love you