Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Here's the original tumblr idea.

After the whole sniper incident, four month recovery period, strange distance for months, Maddie and Chim leaving, and even Eddie taking a step back - everything was getting back to normal…kind of. Maddie, Chim, and Jee-Yun were all back in town and his sister was doing great, she definitely looked happier. Chim and Buck were good - there might have been some tears shed when they hugged it out, but that was for them to know alone. Eddie and Buck had spent countless nights talking - about anything and everything, including the sniper, the hostage situation, and everything in between…Buck had even broken up with Taylor. 

So things were getting back to normal. Eddie was slowly integrating himself back into the firehouse at Christopher’s insistence. It was nice to have his partner back - not that Ravi was horrible, but he had missed working with Eddie. Which was why he was all smiles on the way to a multi car pile up. Eddie was pressed into his side talking about a recent project Christopher had completed and aced.  

As the truck slowed to a stop, the smiles began to drop and the crew got into work mode. Buck jumped out of the rig, Eddie right behind him. They listened as Bobby instructed Hen and Chim to set up a triage area while Buck, Ravi, and Eddie searched the cars and checked on those stuck in the vehicles. Without much flare, the three were off, always in sight of one another. 

“Gray Camry clear, Cap,” Ravi’s voice comes through the radio. 

“Blue F-150 clear,” Eddie states a couple seconds later. 

“Blue CRV clear,” Buck adds and the three move onto the next group of vehicles. 

It goes on for ten minutes, checking the cars, clearing some, helping people out of others…no one seemed too badly hurt so far which was amazing in and of itself. They’d moved onto the fifth wave of cars when their luck began to run out. 

“I’ve got a woman pinned in the Green Escape. I can’t get her out, I need the Jaws and a backboard,” Eddie calls through the radio. 

Ravi’s next, “need assistance at the red Camaro, gas steadily leaking, two occupants neither responsive and the car is too beat up to open the doors.”

Buck’s just gotten to the next car when he curses. Two adults, neither moving, blood staining the glass where their heads lay. “Silver Sedan, two unresponsive, lots of blood. Cracking the glass to get a better look.” Buck decides to go in through the back of the sedan to get to the two unresponsive. The tinted glass makes it difficult to see if there’s anyone else in the vehicle, so he sends a silent prayer that no one else is and punches the glass out. 

Immediately, he’s met with crying. Buck clears the glass, coming face to face with a girl no more than four staring at him from across the seat. “Hey, my name’s Buck. I’m a firefighter, I’m here to help you.” Buck clicks his radio, “silver sedan has a third passenger, young kid. No visible injuries.”

Buck climbs into the car, checking over the girl, pulling funny faces to get the girl’s crying to stop. As soon as he’s sure she’s fine other than some bruising from the seatbelt, he turns to the parents. He frowns as he checks the driver’s pulse… nothing. He quickly moves to the woman sitting in the passenger seat, frown deepening when he again gets no pulse. His hand raises to his radio again, “Cap, immediate assistance requested. Neither adult in the silver sedan has a pulse. Juvenile in need of a hospital visit to check bruising from the accident.”

“Copy Buck. Hen and Chim inbound,” Bobby responded. Buck works to get the glass punched out for Chim and Hen to assess the two adults. Then, he muscles the door on his side open to get out with the little girl. Hen and Chim quickly meet him at the car and he pushes them to the parents while he promises to take the girl over to the other paramedics arriving on the scene. 

As he walks through the wreckage, he tries to keep the girl from looking around, “we’ll get you checked up, how about that? I’m sure that if you’re brave the doctors will even give you a lollipop at the hospital. What do you say?” 

“I want mommy,” the girl’s lip wobbles. 

Buck adjusts his grip on the girl so that they can look at each other. “I know you do, kid…I know. But your mom would want you to get checked out.” 

By this point, they had reached the treatment area. He walked up to the first paramedic he saw, planning to hand the girl off even if he wanted to stay and make sure she was alright. As he tried to transfer her, the kid began to wail. Buck’s eyes widened as her hands tightened on his shirt. He looked to the paramedic and back to the girl. “Hey, you need to get checked out kid…and I’m not certified to do it.” 

“I want mommy,” the girl hiccupped. “I want daddy,” and her sobs intensified. 

Quite frankly, Buck wasn’t sure how to deal with this…last he checked, her parents were dead and possibly unrevivable…Hen and Chim were good but…they might have been gone upon first impact and it took them fifteen minutes to work their way back to them…he couldn’t just lie and say that she’ll see her parents when Hen and Chim get them back - what if they couldn’t? That would make him a liar. He couldn’t do that to her. 

He licked his lips, running a hand down her back in what he hoped was a soothing gesture. “I know you do…but right now, my friends are working on them, okay? They were hurt in the accident and needed help, so my friends came to try and help them. They’re helping them like I’m trying to help you, okay? You need to be checked out by another one of my friends…but I’ll stay right here with you, okay?” 

The girl’s cries died down into sniffles as she looked up and Buck. “You promise,” her voice was tiny, shaped from the sobbing.

“Do I promise? I certainly do and I’ll do you one better. A pinky promise is the most sacred of promises, one that I can not break, so, I pinky promise I’ll be right here while you get checked out,” he held his pinky out to the girl. She giggled slightly as she looped her pinky around his. He shook their hands up and down and was able to sit the girl on the back of an ambulance. 

True to his word, Buck stood right next to the girl, telling her jokes to get her to smile while the paramedic from the 120 checked her over. When the news of the parents being DOA came over the radio, his smile faltered, but he immediately put it back on when the girl looked back at him. 

~~~~~~~

Buck fully planned to hop in the ambulance and ride with the girl to the hospital, but as he had been ready to, Bobby’s hand had landed on his shoulder. He’d told Buck that he couldn’t spare him…it reminded Buck of the time he’d held the baby that had been stuck in the pipe after a mother had flushed it down the toilet…probably only the second person to ever hold her…he’d planned to go to the hospital with her, but Bobby had told him that it was better to put the calls behind him. 

“I promised.” Buck had told Bobby.

“You shouldn’t have,” was the response. 

So he had to break the girl’s heart and tell her he couldn’t leave just yet…privately, he promised to come see her after his shift if she was still in the hospital. 

~~~~~~~

She wasn’t in the hospital when his shift ended. He’d bought a little white teddy bear for her and asked the hospital about her. They knew him from the amount of times he’d come through with the team and his own stint in the hospitals but they couldn’t tell him where she was other than she wasn’t currently admitted in the hospital. 

Buck’s heart had sunk and he’d left the hospital clutching the teddy bear, thinking about the girl and if anyone had broken the news to her yet.

It’s a few days later when Buck learns what happened to the kid from the MVA. It comes in the form of Athena stopping by for lunch with the crew. Bobby had asked how her day was going and Athena had started talking about the MVA and how they were still trying to figure out who was at fault. 

“So far what we know is that the blue Nissan cut off the silver sedan which caused them to swerve and hit the concrete barrier which is why the injuries in the sedan were fatal. Poor kid, having to go back into the foster system,” Athena sighed. 

Buck looked up, “go back into? She’s already been in the system before?”

“She was put into the system four years ago. A crew was called about a baby in a pipe. We found out the mother flushed the baby and, miraculously, she was still alive.”

Buck lost time for a minute there. There was no way it was the same kid…then again, how many babies in pipes do you see? “Poor kid indeed,” Chim responded when Buck tuned back in. “Buck almost took a sledgehammer to the pipe she was in.”

Buck frowned, “in my defense, I was thinking about getting the kid out of there as quickly as possible to make sure she was alright.”

“We know, Buckaroo,” Hen replied with a soft smile directed his way. 

The team keeps up a steady stream of talk afterwards, but Buck is stuck with the thought of a young girl once again put in the system…she could fall through the cracks - people loved infants, they were adopted almost immediately…but as the kids got older, it was less likely for them to be adopted. The kid, she was cute, she could be adopted rather quickly…Buck hopes, because she deserves to be in a loving home again. 

But Buck can’t shake the image…

Him with a four year old, learning how to be a proper dad, giving that little girl everything she needs - everything she deserves. Showing her that even though she’s suffered a trauma at such a young age, she has someone who cares about her deeply and will help her through it and help her to understand it later in life. 

What if she wasn’t given the love she deserves? What if she was placed in a bad foster home? What if the wrong people adopted her?

Buck knows what it’s like to grow up in a home unloved by your parents. He knows what it’s like to grow up in a cold environment…the feelings of abandonment and never being good enough that settle deep into one’s bones. He never wants another kid to have to feel what he did…what if he could make sure she never has to feel it? What if he can give her everything he never had? A parent who loves her, who tells her that she’s always better than enough for him. A safe place to grow up and feel utterly at ease and loved. He could give her that and so much more. Family…he could give her a big extended family…everything he didn’t have growing up.

As a lull in the conversation persists, Buck turns to Athena, voice quiet - though he knows the crew can hear him. “What’s her name? The kid from the MVA.”

Athena gives him a searching look before her gaze softens. “Viveka Falk. Her parents were Scandinavian.”

Viveka Falk .

Buck can’t stop thinking about Viveka. 

It’s been a week and he can’t stop thinking about how jarring this must be for her. She goes from knowing she has a loving home to her parents being dead and popped back into the system. That has got to have some effect on her development…and Buck just wants to bundle her up tight and take her home with him and give her everything she wants.

He’s starting to realize that maybe this is what he wanted to do when he held her for the first time. She had been so tiny compared to him and this fierce protectiveness had come out of him and he promised himself that he’d watch out for her. He was the second person to ever hold her and he promised to make sure she was alright. He promised her that he’d be right there with her…at the time, he’d been too immature and unprepared for a baby…but if it had been now, where he was in his life, he would have adopted her - he’s sure of it. 

So what’s holding him back now? Why can’t he just go to Social Services and ask to adopt Viveka? 

~~~~~~~

Throughout Buck’s life, he’s been considered impulsive, reckless, and any amount of synonyms pertaining to ‘not able to grow up’. But in this? He’s not being impulsive. This is something Buck wants and he isn’t letting the opportunity pass him by. He’s not even diving head first into it…he’s done his research. 

In the past week Buck has searched every reputable website on child development, parenting, how to raise a four year old, how to deal with trauma in children, how to help children adjust from being adopted, and so many more topics relating to raising a child. He talks with Dr. Copeland and after she hears his arguments for adoption, she agrees that maybe he should go through with it. He even has pages bookmarked for furniture he would need to buy for her, toys she might like…places he can look into renting that are safer than his loft…

He’s really going to give this a shot, parenting that is…and he can think about Eddie and Christopher and how he’s the backup plan, but he’s not a consistent parental figure in Christopher’s life…he’s Christopher’s best friend and that’s a little different than being the parent. (Not that he doesn’t want to be any of his future children’s best friends as well as their parent, because he truly does.)

He fills out the approval form quickly after finishing his research. The approval form gave Social Services his information and enough about him to see if he was a good fit for adoption. He’d included that he has plenty of childcare options for when he was on shift at the station, even going as far as to say he’d take furlough time to get a child settled in his home. He also made a note that he would be moving within the next few weeks so his address would change from what he originally put on the form and he would update the address when it was all finalized. 

All he had to do now was wait for the stamp of approval…if he got that.

He would. It’s going to be fine.

Next up was taking virtual tours of the apartments he’d looked into vaguely. He made sure each group of selections were in good neighborhoods with great school districts. He even checked the sex offender registry to make sure none lived in the immediate few blocks surrounding the apartment and nearby parks. He’d made sure the apartment complexes had nothing but stellar reviews and now all he had to do was choose one. 

He was particularly fond of the duplexes, figuring that would be a better environment for a child to grow up in rather than being cooped up in a large apartment building. Not to mention, if he were to get one of the duplexes he had saved to his computer, he’d be less than five minutes away from Eddie’s home and he and Eddie could hang out more, share funny anecdotes about their kids…it would be perfect.  

So, Buck set up a time with the realtor to check out a few of the different duplexes and closed the laptop. Tomorrow, he’d meet the realtor, maybe sign on a duplex, maybe start moving his things to the duplex and buying some preemptive things for Viveka. He’d fill out the change of address form for Social Services and the fire station…and he’d figure out if he could adopt a child if his approval came through.

Buck doesn’t tell anyone about it - and it’s not because he doesn’t trust them or think they won’t support him, he just doesn’t think about it. His mind has one track at the moment, and that’s adopting Viveka. He still goes to work, but he spends his time searching through more websites about everything a four year old needs, the adoption process, and much more. He even plans out a moving schedule since he signed on a nice home (instead of the duplex because it was only a couple thousand more and very accessible to accommodate whenever Christopher would come over). 

“You’ve been glued to your phone in between calls all day,” Eddie’s voice breaks through his haze of figuring things out. “Got a hot date you didn’t tell me about?” 

Buck laughed, “no, nothing like that, Man. Just busy planning.” He turned back to his phone, bookmarking another site that looked to have good tips on connecting with a four year old adoptee. 

“Planning what,” Eddie asks as he plops on the couch next to him. 

Buck pauses, glancing around the loft. It was only him and Eddie. “Promise not to laugh or immediately shut me down?”

A small frown appeared on Eddie’s face. “If it’s serious, I promise,” Eddie held his pinky out to Buck. 

A shy smile pulled at Buck’s lips as he looped his pinky with Eddie’s. “The past week and a half I’ve been looking into adopting Viveka. I’ve read hundreds of reputable sites about childcare, adoption, making an adoptee feel welcome and loved, how to deal with trauma in children, parenting…I’ve done my research and I believe I can give Viveka what she needs. Obviously, I’d need to figure out childcare options more than just relying on my sister to watch her or Carla because Carla is you childcare option and she might not be ready to handle a four year old on top of that but I’m planning to take furlough if I get approved to make sure she settles in okay. I bought a home which is much safer than the loft was and it’s more accessible to Chris so he can come over whenever he wants to, if that’s alright with you of course, and it’s not even that far from you - five minutes by car. I’m still waiting on my approv-” Buck cuts himself off as his phone buzzes in his hand. A glance down causes him to tense up. He looks at Eddie, eyes wide, “it’s an email from Social Services. What if - what if they didn’t approve me?”

Eddie had a fond smile on his face, “they’d be pretty dumb not to approve you…you’re the most caring and thoughtful person I know…and if you put the amount of thought you did into preparing for adoption on that first form, they’ll know it too…so open the email and tell me if you’ve been approved.”

Buck takes a deep breath, going to his email and staring at the thread he needed to click on. It was fine…it was going to be fine. If they didn’t approve it this time, he’d try again. He clicked on the email. He skims through the first part of it, eyes landing on a bolded approved and he nearly drops his phone. He backs up to read the sentence just to make sure. 

We are happy to inform you that your application for adoption has been approved.

“Well,” Eddie questions.

By the smile he knows is filling his face, he knows Eddie has figured it out. “They approved my application for adoption! Now I just have to see if Viveka is still a viable option for adoption.”

“I told you,” Eddie murmured softly. “So, do you need help moving or setting up things for Viveka?” 

“Yes, to both, actually.” 

~~~~~~~

Coming back from a house fire ends the shift for the crew. Buck takes a shower to get the soot and grime off. Most of the crew is gone by this point, but Eddie is still looking through their shared locker for something as Buck pulls his shirt over his head. “Hey, your phone rang while you were in there and I think they left a message,” Eddie states, turning to look at him. 

Buck catches the phone tossed to him easily, “thanks,” he smiles. He pulls up his voicemail easily, putting it between his ear and shoulder as he begins to pack his duffle up. 

“Hello Mr. Buckley. This is Nina Chavez from Los Angeles Social Services. I’m calling regarding your recent approval for adoption. This call is to set up a meeting to look over your home, make sure our information on your references is correct, and potentially start the process of adopting a child. Please call me back at your earliest convenience.”

Eddie was looking at him with a quirked eyebrow by the time the message finished. “Social Services. They want to set a time to look at my place and start the adoption process but my home isn’t ready! I’m not even half moved in yet! I have nothing for Viveka - Eddie, what do I do?” 

Eddie placed his hand on Buck’s shoulder, thumb rubbing it soothingly. “Take a breath, Buck. How about I ask Carla to drop Chris off at Abuela’s and we’ll head to your apartment, pack up what we can and move it? We’ll see how much we can get done today and tonight, before their offices close, call them back and estimate a time when we’ll be all moved in.”

Buck nodded, taking a deep breath, “right, yeah…okay but, uh, only if you’re sure you want to spend the day after our twenty-four hour moving.”

Eddie shrugged, “come on, we’ll nap before we move your bed to the new place.”

Eddie sends him many emojis the day Nina Chavez is set to come over and examine his home. They’d gotten Buck moved in record time, only two and a half days including getting Viveka’s room set up. Buck had decided to keep it to a minimum, decorating Viveka’s room. He wanted the girl to help him choose what she wanted color wise and toy wise…but that teddy bear he’d bought for her almost a month ago? It was sitting on the new bed, propped against the pillows. 

Buck sent back a stressed emoji just as the door bell sounded. He wiped his hands on his pants as he approached the door. Taking a deep breath, he opened the door, a smile planted on his face. “Hi, are you Nina Chavez?” 

Nina gave him a small smile, “that would be me. Thank you for getting back to me so quickly. What’s going to happen is you’re going to show me around the house, I may ask some questions or give you tips on how to make this an even more child friendly home. If I like what I see, we can talk about moving forward in the adoption process.”

Buck nodded, “right, then let’s get started.”

They went room by room, starting with the den. He’d already childproofed the house, rough corners and electrical outlets covered, rugs placed on the hard floors and sharp knives placed higher than a four year old could reach. Buck rambled to fill the silence as Nina looked around. When they finally made it to Viveka’s room, he rambled even faster, “I know it doesn’t look like much now, but I want the child I adopt to pick out what they want regarding color schemes and toys…we’d probably go out and get everything when they feel ready and comfortable.”

Nina nodded, “that’s fine and understandable even. It would make them feel more like they have a home here anyway. I don’t see a problem with that at all. Overall Mr. Buckley, I don’t see any problems with the home. I’d feel comfortable placing a child here. Would you like to head to the den so we can discuss next steps?”

They made their way to the den, Buck sitting on the sofa as Nina sat on the arm chair. “I can set up a time for you to meet the kids in any of the orphanages or foster homes here in LA, you just have to let me know what works best for you. If you connect with one of the children, we can talk about applying for adoption.”

Buck licked his lips, “what if I already know who I want to adopt? I, uh, when I was in my probationary period at the firehouse four years ago, I rescued a baby that had been flushed down the toilet…I was the second person to ever hold her. Almost a month ago, I rescued her from a multi vehicle accident where both her parents died on scene. I can’t help but feel like it’s a sign. We connected on scene and she trusted me and…I don’t want her to slip through the cracks having to live in the system until it kicks her out…is it okay if I want to adopt Viveka Falk?”

Nina looked over her glasses at him, pausing in her writing. “If she’s still up for adoption, I don’t see any problem with it. I’d need to set up a meeting to make sure she feels comfortable around you and explain the situation. Let me look into it and I’ll get in contact with you. Thank you for your time, Mr. Buckley,” she stated as she stood up.

Buck joined her, shaking her hand. “Thank you for doing all of this…I really appreciate it.”

She turned from where she was walking out the front door, a genuine smile on her face. “I can tell whomever you choose to adopt is going to be in a loving home…and that just makes my job easier. I’ll get back to you as soon as I have any information.”

Buck waved as she got into her car, shutting the door after she drove off. 

He’s really doing this.

Buck waits two agonizing days before he hears anything from Nina. He’s in the middle of a shift when she calls. Eddie’s head pops around the truck they’re cleaning as he catches the specialized ringtone Buck had set for Nina the previous night. Buck fumbles for the phone in his pocket as Eddie draws closer. He answers before he’s even ready, Eddie giving him a supportive smile. “Hello?”

“Mr. Buckley! It’s Nina. I have news for you, is now a good time?”

“Uh, yeah, yes. I’m at work but, this is a good time, yes,” Buck rambles.

“Then I will try to make this quick. I am happy to announce that you are fully approved to start the adoption process for Viveka Falk.”

Buck’s eyes widened and he nearly dropped his phone. He sagged against the truck for support, “r-really,” he whispered, not quite believing it was real…he was able to adopt her.

Nina’s voice softened, “really. All we need to do is get you and Viveka in a room together to see how she feels about it. If all goes well, you could have her home within a week.” Buck can feel the tears threatening to fall. “Mr. Buckley? Are you still there?”

A choked out “yes” falls from his lips as he tries to keep from sobbing with relief. “Yes, I’m still here. That’s great news! I’m off after 8 AM tomorrow if you have time to set the meeting after that!”

“How does 10 AM work for you,” Nina asks after a moment of silence.

“Ten is great, I’ll be there.” 

“Congratulations, Mr. Buckley.”

A wet laugh fell from his lips, “thank you for everything Nina.”

“Of course, my pleasure. I’ll see you tomorrow at ten.”

As soon as he’s hung up the phone, Eddie’s arms are around him, hugging him tightly. Buck returned his grip just as tight. “She’s almost mine,” he whispers, another laugh falling from his lips.

“I’m so happy for you Buck! You’ll be an amazing father to her,” Eddie spoke just as quietly.

“You think so?”

“I know so,” Eddie stated as he leaned back to look into Buck’s eyes. “You were to Chris when I was in the hospital. You took care of him and you love him as your own…that’s why I named you his legal guardian in the first place.”

Buck flushed red at that, knocking his shoulder into Eddie’s. “Maybe so…are you free tomorrow? After I meet with Viveka and Nina?”

“Definitely. Come around when it’s done and tell me what’s going on in the process.”

A throat cleared behind them, causing them to come out of the little bubble they’d created. “You alright Buck,” Hen’s face was one of concern - probably because Buck was red faced and his eyes were puffy.

“I’m great, Hen,” he gave her a wide smile. “I just got really good news, is all.”

Bobby and Chim raised their eyebrows at him when Buck realized he’d yet to tell them about the adoption. He’d been so busy researching and moving and going through the process, he’d forgotten that the only people who knew he was trying to adopt Viveka were Eddie and Chris. Buck looked wide eyed to Eddie, “I never told them,” he whispered in panic.

Eddie gave him a soft smile, “no time like the present.”

Buck nodded and bit his lip, “what if they think I’m not cut out for it?”

“Then they don’t know the real Evan Buckley like I do.”

Buck let that sink in, clearing his throat as he turned back to his found family. “I have an announcement of - of sorts. Uh,” he looked back to Eddie who gave him an encouraging nod, “I-”

“You’re in a relationship with Eddie? No fucking way,” Chim exclaimed, “this happened far sooner than I expected! I’ve got to tell Maddie-”

Buck’s face twisted in confusion, “what? No. Eddie and I aren’t together. I’m trying to tell you that I’ve been approved to adopt Viveka Falk…if she’s alright with it!”

It’s quiet for longer than Buck was comfortable with. Mixed looks of surprise and confusion on the three. Maybe he shouldn’t have said anything and just let them figure it out on their own because now they’re going to judge him and -

“You’re adopting a kid,” Chim asked slowly.

“Uh, yeah…yes. I’ve been through the approval process and I’m meeting with her and the case worker tomorrow.” Buck looked away from them, “I could have her home within the week.”

“A four year old in your loft,” Hen asked.

Buck shook his head, “no. I wouldn’t - I moved, got a house near Eddie’s. We moved my stuff quickly and Nina approved of the home -”

“Are you sure your ready for a kid,” Bobby asked gently, wincing when Buck’s face dropped. 

“He’s more than ready, Bobby,” Eddie began, “he’s the most caring and loving person I’ve ever met. He’s already stepped into the parental role with Christopher after I was shot. He’s a great dad and that little girl is going to be the luckiest kid in the world,” Eddie states, hand landing reassuringly on Buck’s shoulder. “Not to mention he has a great support system if he does need help,” Eddie pointedly looked at their friends. “I, for one, am excited for Buck.”

Buck leaned back into Eddie, drawing comfort from his confidence in Buck’s ability to be a father to Viveka. He’d had the fleeting thoughts this past month about if he’d be a good father for her…but he’d knocked those thoughts down with the excitement of preparing to be what this girl needed in her life. But hearing it brought up had made it all come flooding back - the feeling of inadequacy…but he still believed he was what Viveka needed. 

Bobby was the first to speak, stepping forward, “well then, I think a congratulations is in order. Let me know if you need any time off to get her settled in…and maybe we could do a barbeque in a few weeks to introduce her to the family?” 

Buck’s smile crept back on his face, “of course Cap…I’m sure she’d love that once she’s settled in - if she’s alright with me adopting her, that is…it’s really up to her because if she’s opposed to it, I won’t because I wouldn’t want to force her into anything and-”

“I know, Buck. Let us know how the meeting goes tomorrow, okay?”

~~~~~~~

Buck’s nervous, alright? This is by far the most important meeting of his life. This is the moment of truth - the meeting that could make or break him. It is nine forty-five on a Wednesday morning and he is anxiously pacing a room in the Child Services building, waiting for Nina and Viveka to show up. What if he fucks this up? What if she didn’t like him? 

Shaky hands pull his phone from his pocket. Without a second thought, he calls Eddie. Eddie answers by the second ring, “Buck?”

“I can’t do this,” Buck whispers into the phone. “I’ll fuck this up, I’ll fuck her up…what was I thinking? I don’t have the best childhood to look back on or the best parents to look up to! I could do fundamental damage to her development!” 

Eddie’s voice was warm when he spoke, “The fact that you’re worried about messing this all up is proof enough that you will love this girl with all of your heart. You’re only worried because you already care so much about her. Evan, you can do this. You’ve already proven to be able to be a parent, you’ve already proved you’re more than ready for this. I believe in you, this is going to go really well. You told me she didn’t want to let you go at the scene, she knows you’ll protect her, she’s going to trust you. So get off the phone, take some deep breaths, and be yourself.”

Buck took a few deep breaths and nodded. “Right, yeah…okay. I’ve got this.”

“You do. Come over after.”

“I will.”

The anxiety dissipated some after he hung the phone up. It was fine, this was fine. Eddie was right, she’d definitely attached to him at the scene…but was that enough for her to be fine with him adopting her? He just had to hope it was…because he could see Nina coming down the hall with Viveka in tow. This was happening. This was happening and Buck was going to do his best to make sure Viveka felt safe and able to trust him. 

Nina smiled as she entered the room. Viveka peeked out from behind her legs. “Viveka, this is Evan Buckley. Evan, this is Viveka.” 

Buck crouched to her level, giving her a small smile. “Hi Viveka. You can call me Buck if you’d like, all my friends do,” he held his hand out to her. 

Shyly, the girl stuck her hand out, shaking his. “You’re the fireman,” she stated. 

Buck nodded, “I am. How are you doing?” 

“I’m okay. They told me Mommy and Daddy had to go to Heaven, that’s why they haven’t come back for me,” she pouted. 

Buck’s heart stuttered at that. His mind was a replay of ‘how to deal with abandonment issues in children’ from the many sites he’d done his research from. Buck nodded, “they did. They didn’t want to leave you, but they couldn’t take you with them.” 

“Why,” she asked, tearing up. 

Buck licked his lips, “because they wanted you to live a good life. They wanted you to have a chance to grow up, Viveka. They loved you more than anything in the world and wanted you to stay safe here. I can bet they’re watching over you right now.”  

“Really,” her voice was so small.

“Really. Even if they can’t be here physically, they’re here to watch you grow spiritually. They loved you that much.”  

Viveka walked further into the room, Nina moving to the corner to allow them to talk. She sat down at the table in the room, picking at the blocks on it as she swung her legs back and forth. Buck looked at Nina before joining Viveka. “There’s actually something I wanted to ask you about, Viveka.”

She looked up, tilting her head to the side as she studied him. “Okay.”

Buck took a deep breath, “how would you feel about going home with me? I, uh, I would like to adopt you.”

“Like when I went home with Ms. Ella?” 

Buck assumes that’s the foster home she’s been living at. “Uh, sort of…but I was thinking of it being a bit more permanent than that. I’d like to be the one to raise you…you wouldn’t have to move from home to home. And I’d like to be a dad to you…even if you never choose to call me that.” 

Viveka studies him, it was like her eyes were looking into his very soul. She bites her lip before nodding slowly, “like how it was at mommy and daddy’s home?” 

Buck smiled, “like that, yeah…so what do you say? Would that be okay?” 

Viveka let out a long ‘hmm’ before nodding. “Okay.” 

Buck let out a small laugh, “okay.”

On Monday, Buck gets to take Viveka home. All the paperwork had been signed and processed. He had received her important documents including her birth certificate and social security. At the chance to change her name, Buck had decided to hyphenate her last name to Falk-Buckley so she could keep her ties to the first people to give her a loving home. 

He’d even done his research on her name to better understand why her parents named her and hopefully get a looksie into her personality. Her parents were Scandinavian, so he found a translator on a reputable site and asked him to give him the closest meanings to Viveka Sol Falk. He wasn’t disappointed either.

Viveka meaning (1) alive (2) a war fortress. Giving a child this is like a thanks to whomever you believe in for giving you this child to you. This child will be brave, courageous, and prepared. 

Sol meaning luminous as the sun. Giving a child this name compares them to the sun god, far reaching and giver of life. This child will bring warmth, life, and love into your life.

Falk meaning bird of prey or falcon. Any person with this last name is strong, brave, and intelligent. This gives a child strong roots to draw from.

Your child will be strong, independent, loving, and brave. You have nothing to worry about regarding your daughter’s development, Mr. Buckley.

  Buck had practically worn a hole in his floor by the time his doorbell rang. To make Viveka feel better about the transition, Buck had worked it out with Ellie, Viveka’s foster mother, to have her drop Viveka off with her belongings. 

He took a deep breath and placed his hand on the door knob…he was about to become a father. He turned the knob, smiling as he saw Viveka. “Hello Viveka…I’m so happy to see you,” Buck stuck his hand out to the girl. 

She giggled, reaching out to shake his hand, “me too. Can we play a game?” 

Buck chuckled, meeting Ellie’s eyes, “sure we can, but let’s get you settled in first. Then, I was thinking we’d either play a game or go shopping, but you get to decide.” 

“Okay,” her eyes were bright as she walked into the home, Ellie following behind her. 

As Viveka explored a little, Ellie and Buck talked. “I’m glad she’s found a home. In case you need anything or need tips on how to help her settle in, I’ve put a card in Viveka’s bag with my number on it. But I don’t think you’ll have much of a problem, she’s a pretty easy going kid.”

Buck nodded, “thank you, sincerely…I’m so happy she was placed with a good foster home. Is there anything I need to know about how she’s processing what happened with her parents?”

Ellie shook her head, “she hasn’t said anything to me…even when I tried to talk to her about it to make sure she understood what happened. I think this is something you’ll have to navigate yourself if it comes up later on. She tends to sleep through the night but there have been a few bed wetting incidents, probably from the stress of the situation. Other than that, she seemed fine.”

“Okay-”

“Buck, can we play yet?” 

Buck ducked his head, a large smile on his face, “I think that’s my cue, Ellie.”

“It is. Take care, Buck.”

“You do the same,” he replied, closing the door gently after Ellie. He grabs Viveka’s suitcase and turns to the four year old. “Okay Ms. Viveka, how about I show you your room?” Viveka nods in excitement, coming over to grab his free hand as Buck leads the way. “Alright, so the reason I suggested that we go shopping after getting you settled in is because I want you to help me pick out what you want in your room.”

He sets the bag down to open the door, grabbing the bag again and letting Viveka enter first into her room. Immediately, Viveka sees the teddy bear on her bed and runs towards it. “This is for me?” 

Buck smiled softly at her, “yeah, kid, it’s for you. But any other toys are going to be chosen by you at the store.” 

“Cool!” Viveka looks around the room, clutching the toy to her chest as she does. The walls are a light purple, Buck had just finished them over the weekend - including the stenciled butterflies, bees, and birds. He’d also set up a glow in the dark solar system on the ceiling. A set of chests sat next to the closet, a desk was by the door to her room. There was a shoe rack next to the chests by the closet. The bed was in the middle back of the room, directly under the Orion constellation, large bed posts allowing the light pink veil to flare around the bed. Fairy lights glittered around the perimeter of the room - they were relatively dim so they wouldn’t interfere with the glow in the dark solar system and would serve as a night light if she wanted them to. There was a treasure chest type box for toys directly across from the clothes chest and there was even an extra storage space at the bottom of her bed in the form of a smaller treasure chest. “It’s pretty,” she finally speaks as she turns back to Buck. 

He quirked an eyebrow at her, “I’m glad you think so. So how about we pack away your things in the chest and around the room then we can make a snack and see if you’d rather play or go get some more toys and clothes.”

By Thursday, Viveka seems to be at ease in their home. She has probably more toys than she needs but Buck hadn’t been able to tell her no so…here they were with the toy chest and spare storage chest filled to the brim with toys. Her clothes chests were filled with whatever had appealed to Viveka and her shoe rack held a healthy mixture of tennis shoes, sandals, and slippers. He’d also learned what her favorite snacks were and had stocked the kitchen with them (less of the unhealthy and more of the healthy, obviously). She hadn’t wet the bed or complained about anything bothering her…so Buck thought it was time to introduce her to Eddie and Christopher. 

Christopher (and Eddie, if he’s being honest) had been dying to meet Viveka since he’d signed the papers to adopt her. As they were sitting down for breakfast, Buck caught her attention, “Viv, do you think you’d want to meet two friends of mine?” 

She placed her fork down, looking at him intently, “are they grown ups?” 

“One of them is. The other is his son, he’s just a bit older than you. They’re my best friends and I’d like you to meet them if you feel like it.” 

She furrows her brow and Buck bites his lip, waiting for her answer. “Are they cool?” 

Buck huffs out a laugh. “Christopher, the son, is the coolest - next to you, of course. Eddie, the grown up, is a distant fifth,” he chuckled at his own joke. 

Viveka laughed with him. “Okay. When are they coming over?” She went back to eating as she watched Buck.

“Eddie has to go to work this evening, so I was thinking of inviting them over for lunch? Maybe we could go to the park and have a picnic?” 

Viveka’s eyes widened in excitement, “really?”

“Really,” he whispered conspiratorially. “I’ll even pack some of those No Bake Cookies we made last night,” he wiggled his eyebrows. 

“Yeah! Can they come now?” 

“You just want the cookies, Viv. I’ll call Eddie and see if he can come over then we can either watch cartoons or play until it’s time to get ready for our picnic. That sound okay?”

Viveka scrunched her face up as if she was deep in thought about it. “Yeah, I guess,” she finally answered as she finished her breakfast. 

~~~~~~~

It’s not too terribly difficult to wrangle Viveka and the picnic basket into the car as lunch time rolls around. Eddie and Chris would meet them at the park. Buck took a deep breath as he exited the vehicle and grabbed the picnic basket and made sure Viv was still on board with meeting Eddie and Chris. 

“Okay Viv, hold my hand while we cross the street,” Buck stated as he held his hand out. Obediently, Viveka clutched onto his hand.

“Buck,” she hesitantly called. Buck tilted his head at her and she continued, “are they nice?”

Buck smiled softly, kneeling beside her, “they are two of the nicest people you’ll ever meet and they are so excited to get to meet you…but if you’ve changed your mind, we can go back home…they’ll understand.” 

Viveka bit her lip and shook her head, “I want to meet them.”

“Okay…then let’s cross the road and get set up then.”

As the crosswalk light came on, Buck checked both ways and led Viv to the park. They picked a nice, shady spot to set up the picnic. Viveka promptly flopped onto the blanket once Buck had laid it out. He huffed and shook his head, “thanks for all the help, Little Miss.” That sparked a bright laugh from Viv which, in turn, made Buck begin to laugh. 

Buck finishes setting everything out and joins Viv on the blanket. “Alright, Eddie and Chris should be here soon. Are you sure you’re up for this?”

“Yes, Buck,” she responds, her tone of voice the equivalent of an eye roll.

Buck chuckled, holding his hands up in defense. “Sorry, just making sure Munchkin.”

“I’m not a mum - chicken!”

Buck bit his lip to hide his smile. “It’s munch - kin, kid.”

Viv frowned, “that’s what I said.”

Buck coughed to cover his laugh, “right, of course. Apologies for the misunderstanding.”

His phone rings, cutting off further conversation. Eddie’s contact pulls up on the screen. “Hey Eds. We’re on the west side under the giant oak tree.”

“Alright, we’ll be there in five.”

“Perfect.” As he hangs up, he turns to Viveka, “alright, Viv, they’ll be joining us momentarily.”

Viveka nodded, turning to look around the park as if she’d be able to pick their guests out in the crowd. It’s not long until Buck can see Chris and Eddie break out of the crowd to get to them. Viv turns to him, “is that them?”

“It is.”

“Why does he walk funny,” she points to Chris.

“Uh,” he clears his throat, “Chris has a - uh - medical condition…well, he has a condition that requires him to have extra support, but he can do just about everything you can, Kiddo.” 

Viveka nodded as the Diazes grew closer. “Okay,” she stated simply.

Eddie and Chris stopped at the edge of the blanket. “Hey Eds, Chris. I’d like you both to meet Viveka,” he turns to the girl, “Viv, these are my best friends, Chris and Eddie.”

Buck supports Viveka as she gets up and stumbles over the blanket. She eyes the two Diazes before raising a hand to wave to them, “hi.”

Eddie crouches to her height, “hello Viveka. I’m glad to finally be able to meet you and so is Chris.”

Chris sits on the blanket close to Viveka’s abandoned spot after hugging Buck. “Yeah, Buck talks about you all the time , Viveka,” he tacks on when she looks at him.

“Really,” a shy smile pops onto her face.

Chris nods, “yeah, Dad says that’s normal for parents to do.”

“So Buck is your parent too? He talks about you a lot .”

Buck flushes at that and gears up to deny it, but Chris beets him to it. “Sort of. Dad and Buck aren’t together, but I consider Buck another parent.” Buck’s pretty sure he can see a new shade of red on Eddie’s cheeks as Chris continues, “but between you and me, Viv,” he lowers his voice, “they should get together already.”

Buck coughs as he chokes on his spit, “ okay,” his voice is definitely higher pitched than normal. “How about we eat some lunch? Viv and I packed all our favorites.”

Chris and Viv get on real well and Buck just knows this is going to end up with the two teaming up against him - and probably Eddie (though he'll definitely join them in ganging up on Eddie.) Eddie also connects with Viveka rather easily, even getting a hug when the kids go off to play on the swings. (Viveka totally tells him that she can swing herself, thank you very much - which causes Eddie to lose it when he sees the dumbfounded look on Buck’s face.)

Once Eddie’s calmed down and they’re watching their kids, Eddie bumps his shoulder into Buck’s. “She seems to be doing okay, all things considered.”

Buck nods,” she hasn’t said anything since that initial meeting about her parents and there haven’t been any nightmares or bed wetting incidents. I’m unsure if I should bring it up and talk about it…I know she doesn’t fully understand it, but I don’t want her to forget her parents, you know? But I also don’t want to traumatize her more by trying to talk about it.” Buck sighs, “I’m cautious to say there’ll be no problems while she continues to adjust, but so far we’re doing alright…if you call me going out of my mind trying to figure out if she needs to talk about the crash and losing her parents alright.”

“I know it gets said a lot…but kids are resilient…maybe you should talk to her after she’s adjusted and you know she’s adjusted. It’s good there haven’t been any problems so far, but I know if they do arise you’ll figure it out.” Eddie turns to look at Buck, “you’re a good dad. And it looks good on you, in case you needed to hear that…I know you stressed about ‘becoming’ a father.”

Buck turned to look at Eddie, “well, I learned from the best.” He knocked their shoulders together as he turned to look at the kids again. “I wouldn’t have been able to do any of this without having learned from you and Chris…thanks for having my back.”

Eddie’s silent for a moment before he speaks quietly, “you know that goes both ways, right? One of the reasons I’m so good with Chris is because you helped me build a support system for the both of us.”

“I mean, we did promise to have each other’s backs.”

Eddie laughed, “yeah…I guess we did.”

~~~~~~~

The whole ride home, Viveka chatters animatedly about what an awesome time she had. She sang Christopher’s praises and asked no less than twenty times when Chris would come over again. Buck couldn’t stop the wide smile that spread across his face. “I’m glad you had a great time, Kid,” he told her as he helped her out of the car. “I’ll see when Chris can come over again while you get ready for your nap.”

“But Buck,” she whined, bringing out a set of puppy eyes Buck was certain he hadn’t taught her nor had she had them when she began living with him.

Buck shook his head, “no, we had this discussion yesterday. Naps are important for your growth and development…not to mention that if you don’t take your nap, Chris won’t be allowed to come over the next time he’s available.”

Viveka pouted. “Okay,” she sighed and dejectedly walked to her room. 

Buck sighed and placed the picnic basket he was holding down on the kitchen counter. He dug his phone out and clicked on Eddie’s text thread.

Pretty sure Chris taught Viv the kicked puppy look.

He doesn’t have to wait long for Eddie’s response.

You mean the one that you taught him?

Unfair. I didn’t teach Viv.

Oh, it’s coming back to bite you in the ass. This is hilarious!

🙄 Viv wants to know when Chris can come hang out again

He doesn’t get a response right away, so Buck begins to empty the picnic basket, listening to make sure Viv isn’t doing anything other than nap. His phone vibrates a few minutes later.

If you want, Chris can come over in the morning while I’m still on shift or you can come to mine. If you think it’s too much to handle alone, Carla is more than willing to stay with you. If you think you’ll be fine by yourself, Carla doesn’t mind having the morning off.

Buck pauses to think about it. He wasn’t too worried about watching both kids at once. The thing he was worried about was who would feel more out of place: Chris at his place or Viv at Eddie’s. He bites his lip as he types out his response.

Tomorrow is good. Would it disrupt Chris too much to be at my new house until you get off shift?

The response is almost immediate.

Absolutely not. If anything, he’ll demand a full tour.

Ok. I could get Chris around 9 tomorrow?

I’ll have Carla drop him off.

She doesn’t have to

Buck, it’s fine with her

Ok…then I’ll see them tomorrow at 9

The Next Day

Carla dropped Christopher off right at nine with the message to call her if he needed anything. As soon as Christopher was spotted by Viveka, they disappeared to her room. Buck sent a selfie showing how alone he was with a small frown on his face to Eddie with the caption: when the kids forget you exist.

Eddie must have been in between calls because he immediately sent a selfie of himself laughing.

Buck responded with a very mature: 

🙄

You get used to it.

I’m supposed to be the cool one. I will not get used to it.

Welcome to parenthood, get used to your kid thinking you’re not cool.

Buck bit his lip, listening to the giggling coming from Viveka’s room. He can still be cool to them…right? There’s nothing saying parents can’t be cool…what does he do while they entertain themselves? Clearly they don’t want his input or they would have called for him to follow. Does he just…do chores? Is this what it was like for Eddie when Buck came over all those times and he and Chris immediately launched into something? 

Buck puffs out a breath. Is this what being an adult is like? It seems a bit boring.

Buck pushes himself off the couch he’d collapsed on when he realized he was unneeded. He has some laundry he could do, the dishes from breakfast needed to be cleaned and the trash taken to the can. 

He starts with the laundry, going to his room and grabbing his hamper. He briefly stops at Viveka’s door, leaning on the door frame with a small smile as he watches Chris and Viv build towers with the lego set Christopher brought over. He raps his knuckles lightly on the door, catching their attention. “I request entrance to this vast castle to gather the Princess’ dirty laundry,” he says in a ridiculously posh accent. 

Viveka laughs and rolls her eyes (something else he didn’t teach her). “You can come in Buck,” she replied, going back to her lego tower. 

“Thank you, Milady,” he bows, getting Christopher to join in with joyful laughter. Buck makes his way to Viveka’s closet, pulling out her hamper and expertly avoiding the strewn lego pieces on the way back to the doorway. “Alright guys, I’m going to get some chores done, let me know if you need anything. Lunch is at 11:30, you’re allowed one bag of fruit snacks between now and lunch.”

“But Buck, I’m a growing boy,” Christopher pouted, “you said so yourself.”

Buck raised an eyebrow, “you are, but fruit snacks don’t help you grow. Actual food does and that will be served at 11:30.”

Buck took that as his exit, leisurely walking down the hall to the laundry room. It was quick work separating the clothes into delicates, whites, colors, and work clothing. He puts the first load in before going to the kitchen to start on the dishes. He fills half of the sink with three quarters of hot water and the other half of the sink half the way full of hot water and soap. He lets the dirty dishes soak while he takes out the trash and pulls the can out to the road for the dump truck to pick up later in the day. 

Entering the home again, he checks on Chris and Viv stealthily. They’d moved from lego towers to coloring and talking in soft, conspiratory voices. He shook his head with a quiet laugh, they’d be the death of him for sure. He returns to the kitchen and begins washing the dishes and rinsing them. Usually Eddie would be standing by to dry them and put them away…Buck sighed, he’d get to see Eddie after his shift.

So maybe he missed his best friend…there’s nothing wrong with that.

Buck gets stuck in his head easily as many of his friends can attest to. So it’s not unsurprising that Viv and Chris are able to sneak up on him. “Buck,” Viv called. It’s years of working at a fire house that keeps him from dropping the glass he’s holding.

“Yeah?” He turns to look at the two.

“Am I going to school?”

Buck tilts his head, placing the glass he was holding down on the counter. “You will in August,” he leans against the counter. 

“Will Chris be there?” 

Buck nodded, “I’ve started to enroll you in the same school he’s at. He’ll be a few grades ahead of you, but you’ll be in the same building.”

“So we could carpool,” Chris asked.

Buck laughed, “yeah. Yeah, we can carpool if you guys want to. I’ll run it by Eddie and see what he thinks, though I don’t think it’ll be a problem.” 

Buck starts to turn back to the dishes when Viveka speaks again, “Buck?” 

“Yeah Viv?” 

He turns to see her biting her lip as she contemplates her question. “Are you still a firefighter?” 

Buck furrows his brow at the question. “Of course I am…why do you ask?” 

“Eddie went to work,” she said it like it was the answer to his question. 

“He did.”

“But you didn’t,” she added. 

Buck bit his lip, “I asked for some time off. But I will go back to work. In fact, I’ll be going back in a week and a half.” 

“Are you going to send me back to Ms. Ellie?” 

Buck’s eyes widened as he began to shake his head. He walked closer to Viveka, kneeling in front of her. “No. I’m not sending you back ever. When I go back to work, you’ll spend some time with Carla and Christopher and maybe my sister and her kid…then when my shift ends, you’ll come back home with me.” 

“You promise?” 

Buck holds out his pinky, “you remember what I said about pinky promises?”

“They can never be broken.” 

“That’s right…so I pinky promise that I will never willingly send you back to Ms. Ellie and that you’ll always come home with me when I’m off shift.” Viveka links her pinky with Buck’s and they shake on it. “Okay, now that we’ve got that settled…you probably want some fruit snacks, don’t you?”

One Week Later

Buck jerks awake. It takes him a minute to realize why he was forced to wake as he hears sobs coming from down the hallway. Buck pushes himself out of the bed quickly, hurrying down the hall to Viveka’s room. 

He pushes the door open and drops to her bedside. “Shh…I’m here, I’m here Viveka.” 

The little girl cries louder, wrapping her arms around Buck’s shoulders and digging her face into his neck. Buck wraps his arms around her, pulling Viveka to his chest and sitting back so he’s leaned against the wall. “I’ve got you. You’re alright. Let it out.” 

Buck doesn’t know how long he sits there with Viveka crying into his neck…and he feels the tears that prickle his own eyes…he doesn’t know how to make this better. Viveka’s crying but she’s not calming down…and Buck doesn’t know what else to do. He keeps rubbing soothing circles on her back, he’s whispering reassurances into her hair…

Eventually, Viveka’s cries die down…she’s so still in his arms…did she fall asleep again? 

Buck moves slightly to try and put her back in bed, but she grips tightly to his shoulders. Buck stops, holding her close again. “You want to talk about it, Bub?”

Viveka shakes her head, never moving from where she’s buried herself.

Buck nods, rocking them side to side as he tries to think of what to say. “You know…dreams can be a scary place…I’ve had my share of nightmares…but I always feel better after I talk about them.”

It’s quiet besides the sniffles Viveka produces. “Really,” she asks after a few moments of silence.

“Really…in fact, I usually feel so relieved after I talk to someone about it. And if you want to talk to me about it, I promise you’ll at least feel a little bit better.”

Viveka doesn’t speak for a while and Buck thinks that maybe she really had gone back to sleep…but he waits it out. Maybe she was just trying to find the words. A shaky exhale against his collarbone proves him right. “Mommy and Daddy were singing along to the radio. I was too. We were going to the zoo. I was excited to see the tigers and Daddy promised to put me on his shoulders so I could get the best view. But then a loud sound interrupted us and it felt like we were flying.”

Buck gulps…it sounded like Viveka was remembering the accident. He continues to draw imaginary shapes on her back as she talks, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “Mommy screamed at Daddy and Daddy said a bad word. The car made a weird sound and I couldn’t hear Mommy or Daddy anymore. They didn’t move and the sounds were getting louder…they didn’t stop,” she cried. “I kept calling to Mommy and - and Daddy but they didn’t talk back.”

Viveka was actively crying again and Buck rocked her side to side again. “I’m sorry you had to go through that, Viv…but I’m here for you, okay?”

“This time you never came,” it was said so quietly, Buck wasn’t sure if he was meant to hear it or not.

Buck pulled back so that Viveka could see him. “But I did come. I came and I got you out of there.”

“But you didn’t get Mommy and Daddy,” she sniffled.

And Buck didn’t know how to respond to that…because she was right. He hadn’t gotten them out. “I know…and I’m sorry…but they were gone when I got there, Bub.” He guessed the truth was better than any platitude he tried to come up with.

“But you’re a fireman. You’re supposed to save people,” she accused.

Buck bit his lip, “sometimes we can’t save everyone. And I’m sorry I couldn’t save your parents.”

“I want my mommy,” Viveka cried as she buried her head in his neck again. 

Buck let out a shaky breath himself, “I know…I’m sorry. I know.”

~~~~~~~

“You look like hell,” Eddie stated as soon as Viveka and Chris were out of ear range. 

Buck deflated at the comment. He knew he didn’t look the best. After spending two hours with Viveka working through her nightmare and the trauma she suffered, Buck hadn’t been able to go back to sleep. In the end, Viveka hadn’t wanted to leave Buck’s side, so he had relocated them to his room…but even as her breaths had evened out, Buck had remained wide awake. “Viveka had a nightmare,” he sighed quietly.

Buck pushed himself onto the counter next to Eddie as the man washed the dishes from lunch. Eddie turned to him, letting the plate he was washing sink back into the suds. “That sucks,” he stated, “I’m sorry.” Buck nodded, rolling his head back to look at the ceiling. He pushed back the tears threatening to fall. “Hey,” Eddie caught his attention and moved to be directly in front of him. “What is it?”

Buck licked his lips, meeting Eddie’s eyes briefly before looking back to the ceiling. “It was about the crash,” he whispered, his next breath catching in his throat. “She said that she tried to get her parents to respond but they didn’t…and then I never - I never came for her.”

“But you did come for her,” Eddie reaffirmed.

It drew Buck’s eyes down, a sad smile on his face, “that’s what I told her.” The smile dropped, “then she told me that I didn’t get her mom and dad out…that I was a firefighter and I was supposed to save them…I didn’t know how to calm her down so I just…let her cry it out.” As an afterthought, Buck muttered, “God, I feel terrible.”

Eddie shook his head, “that’s not on you. You did what you could…and you did the best you could last night. She’ll understand when she’s older.”

Buck shakes his head, the first tear falling, “I feel like I’m failing her…like I’m just one big reminder of that day…I should have let her get adopted by someone else - someone who wouldn’t remind her of the day she lost her parents.”

Eddie’s hands come up to Buck’s face, pulling his gaze back to him. “Evan, you are not failing her. She loves you. That smile, that laugh, that sunny personality she came in with today? That wasn’t faked…she knows you care about her and she knows you’ll help to chase the monsters and bad thoughts away because you care.”

Buck drops his gaze but Eddie isn’t having any of it. He wipes away the next wave of tears, “you remember that conversation we had after the tsunami? You felt like you’d failed Christopher…what did I tell you?” 

“Eddie, that’s not-”

“I told you that I’ve failed Christopher more times than I can count…but that I love him enough never to stop trying…and I knew you did too.”

“Eddie-”

“So I also know that you love Viveka enough to never stop trying with her either. Maybe you do fail her…but you’ll never stop trying. Just like you didn’t stop trying with Christopher…but last night? That wasn’t a failure. That was Viveka trying to work through some of her trauma and you being there for her…just like I knew you would be.”

Buck folded, his head landing on Eddie’s shoulder. Eddie ran a hand up his back and into his curls. Buck pulled himself together in Eddie’s arms, eventually wrapping his around Eddie in a hug of thanks. 

“Dad,” Chris calls from the other room causing both men to break the embrace. 

Buck pulled himself together while Eddie responded, “yes, Chris?”

Christopher ducked around the corner, “Viveka said she’s never seen Finding Nemo! Can we watch it?”

Eddie smiled, “of course.”

Chris didn’t immediately leave, to which Eddie raised an eyebrow. Viveka peaked her head out from around Christopher which caused Buck to bite his lip…he was pretty sure his heart eyes were on full display…they looked like a little family…and Buck wanted that…but he wouldn’t get it. It was fine, he was happy with the family dynamics they had now. 

“Can we have snacks,” she asked when it was clear Christopher wasn’t going to.

“Snacks,” Eddie asked incredulously. “We just had lunch.” 

“But Chris said movies weren’t complete without snacks.”

“Oh, did he,” Buck asked, letting his gaze fall to Chris. 

“Yeah, you told me that,” Christopher replied, raising his own eyebrow challengingly. 

Eddie turned to Buck, biting back a smile. “I see…then I guess this one time we can fix snacks so soon after lunch…because the movie isn’t complete without them.” Chris and Viveka cheered. “Alright, how about you two get the movie ready and Buck and I will get the snacks and bring them out?”

Eddie truly becomes Buck’s number one go to…because Buck knows that Eddie has been in his shoes - wondered if he was doing the right thing for his kid, worried he’d done something wrong, worried he failed Chris. And Eddie is just…always there - routine visits and playdates, late night phone calls where Buck is pretty sure Viveka’s going to grow to hate him, free time at the firehouse spent talking about the best way to get Viveka to eat her vegetables. 

It’s admirable…Buck feels like he can raise Viv because Eddie’s there.

(So maybe his crush on Eddie has only grown during this time…and maybe he has full on heart eyes for the man when he and Viveka are interacting…and maybe he’s falling in love with his best friend, but it’s not like he’ll tell the man…he isn’t a complete dumbass.)

The point is, Buck feels seventy-five percent better about his parenting skills because Eddie has his back. 

The thing is, Buck was doing a great job. Eddie continued to tell him that…but Buck hadn’t experienced the bone tired feeling of being sick on top of taking care of a sick child. August rolled around and Viveka went off to school - carpooling with Christopher most of the time - and she was excited…

Except schools were like little petri dishes of diseases.

And not even a month later, Viveka was out with the stomach flu…and she transmitted that stomach flu to Buck…so here they were, both pretty miserable but refusing to let Eddie come and infect himself - well, Buck hadn’t exactly told him that Buck had caught the flu…he would just send updates about Viveka and Eddie would text him about remedies and things that he learned from dealing with this when Christopher had it a few years ago. 

So Buck was exhausted. 

He’d eventually moved Viveka to his room - less traveling required was how he reasoned it to himself. He’d set basins on both sides of the bed in easy reach of the occupants. He tried to soothe Viveka as much as possible when she heaved into the bowl, but it often set him off into his own basin. She’d cry and curl up to him and, eventually, Buck cried with her…because they were both miserable and it was taking forever to kick…not to mention the fever was fucking killer. 

Buck’s pretty sure that’s why he calls Eddie at three twenty in the morning. 

“Buck?”

Eddie’s voice soothes something inside of him but it’s also what causes the waterworks to start. Viveka’s been crying since her latest bout of heaving and Buck can’t calm her down. They ran out of medicine six hours ago and neither of them are able to hold down food…and Buck’s just sobbing into the phone.

“Buck, talk to me.”

“I - I - I - I don’t know - don’t know wh - what to do, Eds,” he sobbed, the force of it making his stomach roll. “I can’t - I can’t get her to - to eat and - and - and I don’t have anymore medicine and - and I can’t fucking go to the store to get any!”

Eddie shushed him down the line, “deep breaths, Buck. I’m going to hazard a guess and say you’ve caught the flu from Viveka, right?” Eddie doesn’t wait for his answer, “I wish you would have called me when that first happened…but it’s alright. I’m going to go to the store, get a few things and I’ll come over and we’ll see what we can do to make you both feel more comfortable, okay?”

“B - But you’ll - you’ll get sick,” Buck whimpered as his stomach cramped.

Eddie’s voice was warm when he responded, “maybe, but I’ll take that chance to make sure you’re both alright. I’ll be over in twenty minutes tops…and don’t worry, Chris is at a sleepover.” 

Buck tries to protest, but Eddie hangs up the phone before he can. Viveka’s cries had simmered into sniffles as the conversation went on, shuffling ever closer to Buck to seek comfort. “It hurts,” her voice wobbles.

Buck runs a shaky hand through her oily, sweat slick hair. “I know bug,” he mutters, trying not to let his own voice waiver.

~~~~~~~

Eddie lets himself into the house quietly, just in case Buck and Viveka had managed to doze off. His arms were covered with bags - he’d ended up getting more than he’d originally planned…but he did have two sick loved ones to nurse to good health. 

He placed the bags on the kitchen table, grabbing the medicines needed and going to the fridge to grab a few water bottles. He also grabbed a sleeve of saltine crackers, hoping to be able to get them to eat even just a tiny bit. 

Eddie makes his way down the hallway to Buck’s room. He smiles softly as he knocks on the doorframe. They both look worn down and like they haven’t stopped hurting since they caught the bug. “Hey,” he calls softly, carefully making his way into the room. “I brought medicine, water, and some saltines…let’s start with the medicine, okay?” He places all the items on Buck’s side table, running his hands through Buck’s and Viveka’s hair. 

The two are running fevers, that much is apparent from the heat he can feel radiating off of them as he runs his fingers through the dirty locks. They both look utterly miserable…but one problem at a time. 

He retracts his hands to get the medicine prepared. For Buck, adult strength tylenol and pepto bismol. For Viveka kid strength tylenol - because any anti nausea medication could make the flu last longer. They both take the medicine like champs, even if Viveka curls even further into Buck as her stomach rolls. “You’re both doing so well. How about we get you both cleaned up and the sheets changed? It’ll make you both feel a lot better.”

“Hurts,” Viveka moaned.

Eddie gave her a small smile as he ran his hand back through her hair, “I know it does, sweetheart…but a bath is going to help you feel better in the long run. Tell you what,” Eddie glances at Buck, “I’ll go fix the water then I’ll help you and Buck to it. You both can relax and I’ll make sure your basins are next to the tub. I’ll change the sheets and if you both need help bathing, I’ll come in and help.”

Eddie preps the bath, making sure it wasn’t too hot before going back into the master bedroom. Buck had sort of rolled to the side and was halfway into a sitting position and was trying to help Viveka do the same. They looked right pitiful. 

Eddie walked over slowly. “It’s all ready. Let me-”

“S’rry…got dizzy,” Buck mumbled as his head rested against the headboard of the bed. 

“It’s okay, Buck. Let me get Viveka and I’ll help you up, okay?” 

Eddie gently pulls the little girl into his arms and settles her on his hip. She wines at the movement but wraps her arms around his neck. Eddie then rounds the bed to get to Buck’s side. He eases the man up onto his feet, his free arm circling Buck’s waist as the man sways. He’s able to navigate them to the attached bathroom with little problem. He sits Buck down on the toilet and Viveka on the side of the tub. “How do you want to do this, Buck,” Eddie asks.

“Jus’ boxers…can change afterwards.”

“Okay.” Eddie helps Buck out of his shirt. He was already in boxers so Eddie didn’t have to help him stand and shed any pants. He led Buck over to the side of the bathtub, helping him step over and lower himself into the water. He shivered as it hit his skin. Eddie then turned to Viveka to get her out of her pajamas, leaving her underwear in place and placing her in front of Buck so that she was leaning back against his chest. 

“I’m going to go change the sheets on the bed, okay? Please don’t fall asleep in here.”

“Kay, Eds.”

“Okay Eddie,” Viv whispered.

Eddie hovered at the door, watching as Buck shakily began to run water over Viv’s hair. He hummed under his breath even as his face twisted in discomfort…Buck was so good with her, even when they were both miserable. Eddie took one last look before turning back to the bedroom. 

The sheets were absolutely soaked as were the pillows. Eddie made quick work of stripping the bed and spraying it with a germ killing aerosol. Putting the clean sheets on was a little more difficult - mostly that fitted sheet…God he hates the fitted sheets. Nevertheless, he gets it done within ten minutes and makes his way to Viveka’s room to gather another pair of pajamas and underwear. As soon as he’s procured those, he heads back to Buck’s room and gathers the same for the man before making his way back into the bathroom.

Eddie knocks on the doorway, poking his head in to see Buck had managed to get shampoo into Viveka’s hair but was having to take a breather. He looked a little green around the edges, so Eddie made his way in and pushed Buck back to relax. “I’ve got it, Buck. Just breathe.”

Eddie rinses Viveka's hair and makes sure to gently scrub the sweat from her body before pulling her out of the water and into a fluffy towel and sitting her on the closed toilet seat. He turns to Buck, whose eyes are beginning to droop. “Your turn, Bud.” 

“Mm, just shut my eyes for - for a sec,” Buck mumbled as he forced his eyes back open. 

Eddie can feel the way the smile on his face practically melts into a softer one as Buck’s eyes meet his. “I know,” he whispered and began to wash the sweat and germs from his body. Gently, he scooted Buck towards the middle of the tub and leaned him back to keep the water from falling into his eyes as he began to wash the man’s hair. Buck sighed at the touch of Eddie’s hands massaging shampoo into his scalp. 

It wasn’t long before both Viveka and Buck were dried off, changed, and put back into Buck’s bed. Eddie waited at their side as they began to doze off, but as he rose to clean their sick bowls, Buck’s hand reached out and caught his arm, “don’t leave,” he whispered.

Eddie crouched again and ran his free hand through Buck’s curls, “I’m not leaving. I’m just going to grab a few things and clean them so that they’re not all nasty looking when you wake up.”

“Mm…promise?”

“I promise,” Eddie whispered and swayed closer, leaving a brief kiss on Buck’s forehead. (Later, Buck will swear that Eddie kissing his forehead was a fever dream and not dare bring it up. And later, Eddie will realize what he did unconsciously and hope Buck doesn’t remember because it reveals too much about his feelings that he isn’t ready to talk about.)

~~~~~~~

Buck and Viveka manage to sleep until nine the next morning. After cleaning and getting things in order, Eddie’d made his way back to Buck’s room and watched over the two. He managed to doze off around seven, head resting uncomfortably against the wall on Buck’s side of the bed. 

Eddie’s not sure what wakes him up but as he comes back to awareness, he can hear shuffling in the bed. He cracks his eyes open to see Buck halfway out of the bed, a nauseated and pained look on his face. Eddie gives himself a minute to wake up before he’s pushing himself up into a better sitting position and stretching out. Viveka is peacefully asleep, but it looked as if Buck was about to pitch over if he pushed himself any farther out of bed. 

Eddie is by Buck’s side in seconds, helping him sit up properly. Buck grimaces, “s’rry,” he slurs quietly, “didn’t wanna wake you.” His voice is gruff and cut off as he places a hand over his stomach and groans. 

“Don’t apologize,” Eddie replies just as quietly. “Come on, were you trying to get to the bathroom?” At Buck’s nod, Eddie helps the man off the bed and into the bathroom. Buck listed heavily into his side and Eddie steadied them easily, “do you need to use the bathroom? I can step outside if you want?” 

“Down,” Buck managed to gasp after a minute. It only took Eddie a second to recognize the request as put me down on the floor so I can puke into the toilet and he was quick to help Buck down just as he began to heave. 

Eddie stayed with him, rubbing his back soothingly and whispering reassurances into Buck’s sweaty hair. Buck was breathing hard as he leaned over the toilet, tears flowing freely down his face and choked sobs making their way through his body. Eddie knew Buck hated being sick - he hated the feeling and having to ‘rely on himself’ to get better…and Eddie knew that Buck would be embarrassed at this vulnerability when he got better later on - not that Eddie would let him dwell on it. 

As Buck calmed down, he rested his head against the seat of the toilet. Eddie grimaced and pulled Buck gently away from it. He flushed the toilet and let Buck lean against him as they both rested against the wall of the bathroom. Eddie ran his free hand through Buck’s sweaty hair…he hated that Buck was sick - hated that Buck and Viveka were both so miserable. 

“Think we’re alright to move back to the bed,” Eddie asked after a moment, knowing that Buck would hurt even more if they stayed in their positions too much longer. 

Buck nodded slightly against his neck and Eddie maneuvered them back into a standing position. His right arm wrapped firmly around Buck’s waist as the man leaned into him. By the time Buck and Eddie made it back to the bed, Viveka was sitting up with the help of the head board. She made grabby hands towards Buck that had Eddie smiling softly at her. 

As Buck settled into the bed, Viveka inched her way towards him, curling up at his side. “Are you okay,” she quietly asked Buck. 

Eddie had to bite his lip to hide the smile that wanted to break across his face as Buck pulled Viveka closer to him. “Yeah, Bug. I’m doing okay. How are you feeling?” 

Viveka hums, “I’m hungry…I feel better.”

Eddie took that as his cue, “how about some bananas and applesauce?”

“And juice?”

Eddie gave her a small smile, “maybe not just yet. Let’s make sure water will stay down first, okay?” 

Viveka pouted but didn’t seem to have the energy to fight him on it. Eddie looked at Buck, the question passing clearly to the sick man. He barely shook his head and Eddie gave a quiet sigh. “And toast for Buck,” he added as he stood and made his way out of the room. 

It’s quick work to prepare the meager breakfast. He makes sure to call his Abuela and explain the situation - asking if she’ll be able to pick up Christopher and watch over him while he’s with Buck and Viveka. All Abuela says is to take care of their family and she’ll take care of Christopher…and something in Eddie’s chest settles upon hearing that.

With breakfast in tow, Eddie makes his way back to Buck and Viveka. Viveka looks excited as the food comes into view and Buck looks… less enthused. Eddie sets the tray gently by Buck’s side. He climbs in beside Viveka and reaches across both of them to grab the applesauce and water. Buck carefully picks up a piece of toast and eyes it as if it was the reason he was sick. “Small bites and sips, okay?” 

As Viv starts on her breakfast, Buck is much more hesitant. Eddie reaches over with his free hand and rubs the back of Buck’s neck. “Just try to eat a little, Buck. Please?” 

Buck sighs and leans back into Eddie’s hand. He acquiesced and slowly bit into the toast. Viveka was halfway through her applesauce and reaching for bites of banana. Eddie relaxed against the headboard, just watching both of them eat. Buck ate one full piece of toast before he quit - taking small sips of water as if to quell his stomach. Viveka finished every bit of her food and took the water gratefully before snuggling even closer to Buck. 

“Can we watch cartoons,” Viveka asked quietly. 

Buck took a second to respond, meeting Eddie’s eyes over her head. “I - I think I need to stay in bed, Viv. But Ed - Eddie can take you to the living room if you want?”

~~~~~~~

Viveka’s health continues to improve throughout the day while Buck’s neither gets worse nor better. Buck sleeps on and off through the day with Eddie checking on him intermittently. Eddie doesn’t mind - he enjoys making sure both Buck and Viv are alright. He loves them so it doesn’t matter if he gets sick taking care of them…this is where he wants to be. 

(He’d love if Chris were able to be here…but he definitely doesn’t want Chris to catch the stomach flu. That would be fun for no one.)

Viveka is happy to watch cartoons for hours, only calling out to Eddie if she needs something to eat or to go to the bathroom. Buck, on the other hand, was determined to do everything by himself. And Eddie gets it - he does - but he’s there. He can help. And Buck won’t let him.  

It’s nearing bed time when Eddie gives Viveka another bath. She insists on sleeping with Buck again, but Eddie tries to get her to reconsider since she’s getting better. In the end, he has to compromise with the kid, telling her to wait in her room while he gets Buck cleaned up and changes the sheets again. And then there’s Buck. Buck who said he didn’t need help to the bathroom - that he could wash himself. To give him some props, he made it to the toilet before he lost the little energy he had. 

Eddie didn’t call him out on it. Buck could be as stubborn as he was, and Eddie understood wanting to be able to take care of himself…so he merely smiled at Buck and helped him with the rest.