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Bars were never Spencer’s favorite place to be. After everything that happened so many years ago, he stopped drinking. Even now the glass he was holding was full of water, so he wasn’t sure why he was there. The building was far too crowded, Spencer never liked the majority of the music that played, and overall there was simply no good reason for Spencer to be standing at the bar.
Except it wasn’t the apartment he shared with you, and that was all that mattered for now.
Spencer was desperate to forget the argument you’d just had; the words clinging to him and pressing into his brain so harshly he’d had a headache ever since he slammed the door shut behind him. You’d told him to go stay the night at Morgan and Savannah’s, but somehow he ended up here. He’d texted Morgan, asking him for advice in this situation but knowing he likely wouldn’t get a response until the morning considering the ungodly hour it was now.
Subconsciously, Spencer knew why he was here.
‘If you don’t love me anymore, then just fucking tell me, Spencer!’
How dare you assume he didn’t love you? After everything you two had been through, everything he’d done to make sure he wouldn’t taint you with the weight of his mind, you actually accused him of not caring?
Spencer could show you not caring.
So when you texted him, he turned off his phone, not wanting any reminder of you tonight. When he found an easy enough target, his feet were walking toward the woman before his brain could think about the weight of what he was doing.
Spencer was buying her a drink, it wasn’t you. He was making small talk, and it still wasn’t you. This was wrong and he felt it in his chest, but still, Spencer wasn’t stopping. He told himself it was because your relationship was at its end anyway. After getting out of prison, the two of you had been fighting more often than usual. He was more distant from you, and you seemed to tip-toe around him most of the time like he’d shatter if you said the wrong thing. Spencer told himself you were preparing to leave him anyway, so why not get a headstart on trying to get over you?
“You don’t seem like the kind of guy who’d be a cheating asshole,” the woman he was talking to finally said. He thought her name was Hannah. She was pretty enough—other men might describe her as absolutely hot—but he couldn’t help but think that she wasn’t you.
“What?” Spencer hadn’t thought he was obvious, but this woman could clearly see right through him. Of course, Spencer wasn’t really planning on cheating on you. As soon as his anger ebbed away, he was horrified that the thought even crossed his mind once. Still, he couldn’t go home, not yet.
“Honey, it’s so obvious how guilty you feel right now,” the woman told him, “Wanna tell me why you’re trying to get me in bed when you have a perfectly good girl waiting for you at home?”
“We had a fight, a bad one,” Spencer admitted, “We both said horrible things to each other. I know I didn’t mean what I said, but I don’t know how I’m supposed to make her forget how badly I hurt her.”
“Well, I can tell you that you don’t do it by hurting her worse.” The woman sighed, shaking her head. “It’s obvious you love this girl.”
“I love her so much.” Spencer was thankful every day he got to wake up beside you. When you’d first run into him, Spencer hadn’t known that you were perfect for him. It had been a slow and gradual build-up until suddenly Spencer couldn’t imagine his life without you. It hurt to know that your relationship was on the ropes, that you’d actually told him to go sleep somewhere else because you couldn’t stand to look at him in that moment.
He deserved it, after the argument. Even now, Spencer couldn’t remember why it had started or what it was about. All he knew was that ever since getting out of prison, nothing felt right. His skin still tingled like he was meant to be watching over his shoulder at all times, his heart still clenched when he saw you because he didn’t want you looking at the kind of man he was now. Spencer felt like a monster, and he couldn’t have someone as good as you lay your eyes on him.
“Then why the hell are you trying to throw it all away? That girl is probably the best thing to happen to you in years, don’t ruin that.”
“I know, I know she is. I think I already ruined it.”
“Nonsense,” Hannah scoffed, and Spencer noticed that while she had issues sleeping with him she had absolutely no qualms about indulging in the drink he’d bought her. “There’s always a chance to make things right after an argument.”
“I told her it was hard to love her.”
“Ouch.”
“I don’t know why I said it. We’ve been through so much lately, and she keeps pressuring me to talk about things I’m not ready for. I just snapped, but it’s not hard to love her. She makes me happy, I never thought I’d end up with someone as amazing as her.”
“Can I give you a word of advice?” Hannah asked, and when Spencer nodded she patted his chest and moved to walk away with, “Don’t tell me all of this. Go home, and tell that lovely girl everything. She’s waiting up at home for you, I promise.”
“How do I tell her what happened tonight?”
“Nothing happened. Believe me, with as much guilt as there was plastered all over your face, every girl in this bar knew what was happening. You weren’t going to cheat tonight, you were just looking for an easy way to push her away.”
“How do you know?” It was starting to feel like this woman was a mythical creature with how well she seemed to understand the situation.
“I’ve been that girl at home before. She’s waiting for you, I promise.”
It would be the toughest thing he did since getting out of prison, going home and trying to apologize for everything. Spencer would do it though because there was absolutely no way he could lose you. Hannah had been right: you were the best thing that had ever happened to him, there was no way he could let this go.
So he went home despite you telling him to stay away. Sure enough, when he stepped through the door of your shared apartment, you were sitting on the couch. You were wrapped up in a blanket, dried tear tracks still visible on your cheeks. You’d drifted off to sleep recently, but one gentle brush of his hand on your cheek was enough to stir you back awake. Spencer smiled as you yawned, taking in the adorable way you stretched, curling your toes and shaking out your arms a little.
“Hey,” you said softly, and Spencer would hate himself for the pure insecurity lit up in your gaze.
“I’m sorry,” Spencer told you, kneeling down so he was in on the ground in front of where you sat. He took your hands in his, pressing a gentle kiss to each one before he continued. “I am so sorry. There is not one day that I’m not thankful I get to love you. Without you, I don’t know how I would have gotten through any of this. You’re not hard to love, Y/N. It’s the opposite actually, and I’ll spend forever trying to make it up to you just please don’t give up on me.”
You smiled and shook your head, leaning forward to kiss Spencer gently. “I wasn’t planning on it, Spence. You can’t get rid of me that easily.”
“I don’t deserve you.”
“Stop that,” you scolded, shaking your head and taking his in your gentle palms. “That’s what got us here in the first place. If you didn’t deserve me, then you wouldn’t have me. Spencer, you make me happy too. I feel so lucky that I get to be with you. So just accept that we deserve each other, okay?”
“I’ll try,” Spencer admitted, knowing it would be a long road to being in that place again. He’d finally begun to think well of himself before prison, but he knew he could do it. Eventually, he’d get there again.
“Come here,” you told him, patting the spot next to you. Spencer listened immediately, happy to sit and entangle himself with you. There was nothing more comforting than wrapping his arms around you, knowing you were there and you were safe.
After a few minutes of simply holding each other, you surprised him again by saying, “By the way, next time you want to sneak off to a bar, turn your phone off before you get there.”
Spencer sat up immediately, fear flooding through his body. “I’m so sorry, Y/N. I promise I didn’t do anything.”
“I know you didn’t,” you answered immediately, calming any of his lingering fears that you were leaving tonight. “Spencer, you’re not that kind of person. I knew you’d figure it out.”
“Thank you for believing in me.”
“Well one of us had to, you dork,” you teased, ruffling his hair a little, “and I’m just saying if you ever did want to, turn your phone off because you’re still sharing your location with me.”
“Yes, Ma’am.”
And with you by his side, Spencer was sure anything was possible.