Chapter Text
Minho was a strong arm around his waist, a firm grip on his hip and flexing fingers giving way to the emotions he tried to hide. Palliative, protective, possessive. But he was also so horribly selfless it was almost irritating. Keeping his emotions at bay, doing everything in his power to give Jisung comfort - even if it meant letting him go and talk to the pretty girl he’d been eying the entire night. Hand clenching into a fist by his side as Jisung left him.
Jisung so desperately wanted him to grip harder, pull him back and never let him leave ever again. But as he turned around all he got was a reassuring smile and an encouraging nod to go and talk to her. And because Jisung was petty he did. He talked and flirted with anyone who would give him the opportunity so that Minho’s grip on him would be that much harder the next time around until hopefully, one day, he’d never let him go. Because it didn't matter how much Minho tried to hide it, Jisung knew, he could read him like an open book, and with every new person he talked to, every new body he touched, every new hickey on his neck, Minho's eyes would grow harder. His limit growing closer.
Jisung wanted him to break.
***
Minho’s fingers on his hip were tapping a rhythmic pattern in tune with the music playing at the party as Jisung swayed slightly to the beat.
When they arrived Chan had immediately been whisked away by a few of his friends, Changbin had made his way over to the DJ and Hyunjin and Felix had run to the dancefloor to engage in an “Epic dance battle” as Hyunjin had so eloquently worded it.
Jisung however just thought they looked stupid as they wiggled around eachother. Seungmin seemed to share his sentiment as he snickered at their performance while Jisung crackled in the background.
Minho had brought his phone up and started filming like some proud mother watching her children perform on stage. Except Felix and Hyunjin weren’t his children and Minho was most certainly going to use the video as blackmail in the foreseeable future.
After grabbing a drink each, he, Minho, Seungmin and Jeongin gravitated to a more secluded area of the house and started talking.
Jisung started babbling on about anything and everything to distract himself from the countless people gathered in the same place. He decided to focus on Minho’s grounding touch to keep his thoughts from drifting off to places he didn’t want them to go to right now.
Minho let him talk, keeping an observant eye on him in case he got overwhelmed, rubbing his small thumb in circles over his hip. Jisung in turn couldn't look away, staring unabashedly at him as he talked, basking in the attentive care of the older. Before he knew it both Seungmin and Jeongin had disappeared, leaving him and Minho alone. Not that it mattered because Jisung had been so caught up in Minho he’d forgotten they were even there to begin with.
As they were talking Jisung caught sight of someone in the corner of his eye. A quick glance their way confirmed they were looking at him and if he weren’t mistaken they’d been paired up a while back during one of his courses.
Something told him the guy wasn’t staring because of that though, and Jisung wasn’t ashamed to assume it was because he looked good. Because he did.
Felix had done his makeup making his lips a darker shade of red and giving his eyes a sharper and more dangerous look than usual. Felix had told him it was a sexy dangerous and Jisung did feel sexy, powerful even, as the makeup gave him an almost intimidating, dominating aura.
Hyunjin, with a few of Jeongin’s opinions shouted into the mix, had carefully picked out an outfit that would accentuate his form in “the best way possible” or whatever. Even though it had seemed like a few too many accessories and clothing pieces as everything was picked out the result had been good. Like really good. He even liked how extra and over the top it was.
The one too many belts that were more for show than practicality gave the illusion that his waist was even smaller than it actually was. The dark ripped jeans that were slightly too tight to be comfortable made his legs and ass look great. The loose dress shirt he wore fell perfectly over his broad shoulders and cinched in around his waist with the help of the belts giving him the silhouette of someone who worked on his body a lot more than he actually did.
Jisung wondered if he should go over and talk to the guy. He couldn’t recall his name or even which course it was that they shared but the thought of Minho displaying even an inkling of that dangerous hunger and corrupt possessiveness he so desperately tried to hide had Jisung’s skin tingling and the blood in his veins flowing faster. He knew how it’d play out because it always panned out the same way.
He would gently place his hand over Minho’s chest to catch his attention and look into his eyes as he’d ask for permission to leave for a second.
But they both knew it’d take more than a second.
Jisung would talk to his target of the night and then they’d leave and go somewhere private, only for Jisung to return to Minho’s side much later into the night sporting a new hickey or two and disheveled hair.
After his request Minho’s eyes would darken in an almost hostile way and he’d get to see his mouth twitch with disapproval at the prospect.
For a brief moment Jisung would get to drown in Minho’s suffocating feelings.
The hand on his hip would tighten into a borderline painful hold, fingers would dig into sensitive skin in a way that always made Jisung burn, before he’d remove his arm from around him and contradict his own actions by gently saying “Of course, Sungie.”
Then as he talked to his partner of the night Minho would stare, observing his every move as if he wanted to take in as much of Jisung as he could before he’d go away and end up defiled, tainted by whoever he was talking to.
Even if he wasn’t looking, Jisung would still know exactly what kind of look Minho would be wearing as he silently watched.
It was a look of conflict between the selfless Minho that wanted to give Jisung space and support from the side and the more twisted, possessive Minho that probably wanted nothing more than to rip Jisung away from his partner and then hold onto him with a grip hard enough to bruise as a clear reminder of who Jisung really belonged to.
Selfless Minho would always win that fight though because Jisung was more important than anything and Jisung’s feelings always came first. Then later at night when he’d return with marks left by someone other than Minho the kind facade would slip away giving way to something vicious and the arm around his waist would come back, stronger than before, holding on to him tighter than ever and Jisung wouldn’t be able to leave his side even if he wanted to.
Not that he ever would. He’d stay glued to Minho’s side forever if he could. And he knew what they looked like together like this: Minho with his arm around him and Jisung with newly painted on hickeys.
Except the hickeys were only ever an implication of what could have been instead of what actually was because Jisung didn’t want anyone other than Minho and would always put a stop to it before his partner could go too far.
He was self aware enough to realize how wrong it was of him, how immoral, unethical, manipulative it was of him to use people for his own selfish desires.
But he couldn’t bring himself to feel guilty about it because the rush he got from Minho’s touch was always worth it. Especially when everyone that looked at them would put two and two together, even if they came to the wrong conclusion. Because Jisung found it easier to pretend, to imagine that Minho was the one responsible for the marks he bears, that one day Minho could be. Because it’s so much easier to believe it if everyone else believed it too.
Except this time when he asks if he can leave and Minho’s grip tightens he doesn’t let go and Jisung is met with a firm “No.” for the first time ever.
His mouth drops open a little in shock before he manages to collect himself and mutter out a small, unsure “What?” as he laughs awkwardly.
“I said no,” Minho repeats as if the problem was with Jisung’s hearing and not the fact that Minho had completely ignored the script they’d always so meticulously followed.
Jisung feels like there’s too much oxygen in his lungs and not enough at the same time as his brain buzzes with confusion because this is unexplored territory and he doesn't know his lines or in which direction Minho wants this to go.
He manages to huff out a small “Oh” as his eyes fall to the cup in his hand, not able to maintain the staring contest that Minho started.
Minho squeezes a little harder, pulls him a little closer and Jisung lets him. Because he wants to be close and because he thinks he might fall with how all the strength left his body at Minho’s firm voice. Confusion flows through his veins but he manages to push through, finding familiarity in the unfamiliar.
The comfort of Minho’s arms around him remains and the circles Minho’s thumb draws on his hip continue to keep him anchored, grounded and after he collects himself he jumps straight back into talking again.
At the back of his mind he reminds himself that change doesn’t have to be a bad thing, because even if he’s scared, Minho’s still by his side and Minho knows him better than anyone.
***
When Jisung first started college at the tender age of nineteen he had been terrified. Turns out he didn't really have to worry too much though because apparently if you don't actively put yourself out there and talk to people, nobody really notices you.
And Jisung was fine with that, really. He didn’t like social gatherings all that much since people tended to tire him out. Which was why he was quite content with his small circle of friends that consisted of one Yang Jeongin who also happened to be his roommate.
And Jisung and Jeongin got along great. Jeongin was a year younger but since they were both freshmen they could relate to the scary new reality of becoming adults. They also both shared an interest in music, Jeongin with his trot and Jisung with his lyrical and melodic rap.
If there was one thing Jisung didn’t like about his roommate however, it would be Hyunjin, Jeongin’s friend. And from Hyunjin’s nasty looks he knew the feelings were mutual.
Looking back on it now he probably couldn’t tell you why but there was just something about Hyunjin that irked nineteen year old Jisung, because teenage Jisung was a force to be reckoned with, filled with teenage angst and rebellion and rage.
It was thanks to him bonding with Chan during a music production class and then consequently Changbin, Chan's rapper friend, that Jisung finally found an outlet to all his pent up emotions: writing lyrics. It was only on a whim suggested by Changbin that they even started doing music together. And one song turned into two, turned into five until they decided to create 3racha.
Chan, being the social butterfly and lovable person that he was, knew practically everyone on campus and by the end of his freshman year Jisung had collected a small group of friends.
He adored every single one of them, even Hyunjin wasn’t all that bad once they got over their differences. It had even gotten to the point closeness where they were discussing locations and good apartments close to campus they could share once the dorm contract would expire. And although he would miss Jeongin dearly he was also looking forward to living together with Felix and Hyunjin.
Minho was the last to join their group. He was a close friend of Chan from their freshmen year and had roomed with Changbin for a short while. Hyunjin and Felix knew him from their after-school dance practices and Seungmin had shared a few classes with him during his first semester. Even Jeongin somehow seemed to have talked to him at one point.
To say that Jisung wasn’t all that pleased to hear about a Minho joining their little friend group was an understatement. It wasn’t necessarily Minho he disliked, it just so happens to be that Jisung has a hard time getting along with people in general.
The fact that he had gotten so close to six other people in such a short amount of time in itself felt like a miracle.
They had created this perfect balance between them and their dynamic made it so that Jisung never had to feel like he had to pretend. If one more person joined them the structure they’d built up would crumble and Jisung was terrified he wasn’t going to be a part of the new one after rebuilding it again.
The simple fact that he was the only one who didn’t know Minho only served as further evidence in his mind that he would end up getting left out. The fact that he was the only one worried made him feel alienated.
It wasn’t like he could voice his opinions to anyone though because they wouldn’t understand. Nobody would ever understand the fear that was swimming in his veins, constantly moving around under his skin, squeezing into every nook and cranny. Sowing its roots into his muscles, his heart, his lungs, making everything hurt.
Every night he’d fall asleep with fingers constantly shaking, muscles tensing and lungs barely taking in air. And when he woke up his body would be aching and he’d feel even more tired than he did while he lay awake the night before.
And he waited, cherishing every moment with his friends. Waiting for Minho to return from his contests or concerts or whatever it was he was doing during his one semester break from school.
When he finally met Minho it was during a party. It was a celebration of exams being over and much to Jisung’s annoyance, or perhaps fear, half of the campus seemed to have shown up to celebrate.
He’d stuck by Chan's side, following him around like a newly hatched duckling, but Chan knew too many people and even by Chan's side it was all becoming too much. Making him sweaty, shaky, overwhelmed.
Midnight found Jisung sitting outside between some bushes to hide the pitiful state he had ended up in.
He knew that inside the house all of his friends were having fun without him, having fun with Minho , and he hated it. He hated how weak and powerless he felt and he hated Minho. Minho, who didn’t have a problem with crowds or people. Minho, who didn’t need to cling to his friends like he’d die without them. Minho, who wasn’t sitting outside all alone seconds away from dying.
“Are you alright?”
The voice was soft and a little unsure, like the person asking didn’t really know if it was alright for them to speak. It was quiet too, quickly getting whisked away by the wind and for a second Jisung thought he’d hallucinated.
“Hey?” They asked again, slightly more firm but still just as gentle and Jisung finally looked up.
A guy was crouched down in front of him a bit away, probably to not make Jisung feel trapped or claustrophobic and make everything worse.
He couldn’t really make out much of the stranger’s faces in the darkness. He was also a little busy breathing to even try and focus or even care about the guy in front of him.
But the more he tried to breathe the harder it became until his body stopped altogether. And when the fear of dying consumed him completely, rationality left him.
“I’m dying,” he told the guy. “I’m going to die,” he repeated as if this stranger could do something about it. Heck he probably didn’t even care, just didn’t want Jisung ruining the flower bed he was currently sitting on.
He vaguely heard him answer and even though Jisung wasn’t responding he continued. Like some whitenoise infiltrating his ears until the sound of his voice became more prominent than even his panicked breathing. And Jisung realized how nice he sounded.
A light sound with a pretty cadence that somehow managed to calm him down. It really was a pleasant voice and when he managed to listen to not only his voice but also the contents of it he let out a snort.
“Why the fuck are you talking about cats?” He asked and when he looked up again the guy was smiling.
“Sorry. I wanted to help by distracting you somehow but I kind of panicked and talking about my cats is kind of my go to thing when I meet new people,” he said looking a little sheepish. “But really, are you okay?”
Jisung blinked at him, thinking the question over. His heart was beating a mile a minute and he was sweating way too much to be comfortable. Honestly he felt like he’d just run a marathon with how absolutely exhausted he was. But the impending doom he’d felt minutes prior - or was it hours? Jisung honestly couldn’t tell - was gone now.
He gave a small nod. “Thank you.”
After some more minutes of Jisung simply breathing, the guy rubbing comforting circles on his back, he was maneuvered to a comfortable bench instead, thankfully still very much hidden.
He asked if Jisung wanted water, maybe something to snack on, was there someone he should call? And Jisung would have found it a little annoying if it weren’t for the fact that he was so very touched.
This guy who he had never even seen before seemed to regard Jisung’s comfort as the most important thing and Jisung would be lying if he said he didn’t like the way he was being doted on.
When Jisung stopped shaking and actually managed to support his weight with his terribly weak legs, Minho, because of -fucking- course his name was Minho, called an uber for him and when he got home he collapsed on his bed and fell right asleep. For once not plagued by the scary Minho he hadn’t met yet, but instead his mind was filled with the nice Minho who had taken care of him.
Jisung prided himself on being smart. Sure, maybe he wasn’t the brightest peson who ever lived but he certainly wasn’t dumb.
It wasn’t only academically either. He would even deem himself fairly good at reading the room or understanding social situations, mainly thanks to his anxiety constantly keeping him alert.
But somehow he hadn’t connected the dots on this one. Minho was a common name and seeing as there were so many people at the party it wasn’t all that weird for him to assume that his Minho and the Minho everyone else knew were different people.
Because the Minho that was supposed to take his place in the group wasn’t supposed to be kind nor was he supposed to help Jisung through a panic attack.
But when Jisung and his friends were walking toward the cafeteria and Changbin had screamed at the guy in front, his Minho was the one who turned around and Jisung was hit with the realization that his Minho and the others Minho was in fact the same Minho.
Minho wasn’t the only thing that turned around though. Jisung’s entire world turned upside down. Because Jisung, who didn't believe in superstitions, soulmates or fate, had met Minho.
When Minho had walked over he talked to the guys he knew and caught up with the ones he only half knew.
Then his eyes fell on Jisung and Jisung could feel himself clam up. Even though he knew there was no shame in suffering from anxiety and he’d even come to learn that one of the best ways to help his anxiety was accepting it, none of that seemed to matter right now.
Because he watched recognition flash in Minho’s eyes and he was terrified of being exposed.
He contemplated fleeing.
But then without Jisung needing to say anything, Minho simply reached out his hand and introduced himself. Again.
It took a moment of Jisung simply blinking at him, mouth slightly agape, before Hyunjin nudged his side and he came back to reality and shook his hand. Forcing out his own introduction.
When Jisung and Minho first met they had clicked immediately and even when he wasn’t dazed post panic attack, Jisung still found himself liking Minho.
He was a little weird and even though Jisung didn’t always understand the joke he learned to find the humor in it anyway and by the end of lunch Jisung had a hard time wrapping his head around the fact that this was only their second time meeting.
He hardly counted the first time though because the first half of that interaction Jisung had been busy with his panic attack and the latter half had mostly consisted of Minho constantly checking on him and making sure he got home safe.
The more time they spent together the more Jisung realized how well Minho fit in with them, with him he.
The disruption of the dynamic he had feared so much never happened and if it did he didn’t notice. If anything, it felt like it was being built upon instead and Jisung had gotten himself a new best friend. Someone who matched him in the most important aspects, in a way no one else ever had.
Even the bickering and playful fighting was enjoyable, the way they teased and made fun of each other.
Jisung truly felt lucky, he had seven friends who he cared for deeply. They were irreplaceable too, each relationship differing slightly but still working oh so well.
But when it came to Minho, Jisung had never felt so understood and he instantly fell in love. Or well, as platonically in love one can be with their very pretty dude friend. Because Minho is Jisung’s soulmate and no one can convince him otherwise.
***
They’re sitting down in one of the couches, munching on cold pizza they found in the fridge when Felix finds them.
The DJ is playing one of 3rachas latest tracks and Jisung’s cheeks had colored in embarrassment the moment he recognised the song.
He couldn’t help the way he had started glancing around the room, scared he would see someone looking back with recognition in their eyes. Because even though he knows they’re good, that the songs 3racha produce are fucking fantastic , he can’t help the slight discomfort that itches under his skin, like millions of ants are crawling around, and he wants to hide.
Because even though he knows they’re good he doesn’t like being known, doesn’t want anymore attention on him tonight.
Minho had immediately sensed his discomfort and placed a reassuring hand on his thigh. With enough pressure to steal Jisung’s attention but not enough for him to lose himself in the touch completely.
“People love the song,” he’d said, and he had looked so proud saying it, too. Proud of Jisung for working so hard and creating something so beautiful. But Jisung knows it’s more than that.
He’s proud of Jisung for managing to stay somewhat calm and for not leaving the second he realized that it was his voice singing the lyrics.
But most importantly he’s proud of Jisung for loving the song he’s created together with Chan and Changbin. And he does. Jisung loves all his songs, maybe not equally, but they all have a special place in his heart.
And because it’s Minho he knows that the only reason Jisung didn’t panic is because he loves his songs and wants them to be heard by anyone willing to listen.
“Everyone is too busy dancing to notice you,” Minho had continued. Because of course he knows what it is that’s bothering him.
The comment that might have been offensive if directed at someone else had Jisung instantly relaxing instead. Tension releasing from his muscles under Minho’s hold on his thigh. The ants continue to crawl under his skin but it’s fainter now, ticklish almost and the ants are accompanied by butterflies and all kinds of other insects and Jisung is so incredibly fond of Minho even he finds himself disgusting.
“Where’s Hyunjin?” Jisung asks as Felix plops down partly in his lap. Felix shrugs as he snatches a pizza slice from the box on the coffee table in front of them.
“Changbin finally pestered the DJ into playing you guys' song and is now using all his excited energy to dance with Hyunjin. I left when they started grinding on each other so I don’t know if they left to go somewhere private or if they’re still on the dance floor traumatizing our fellow college students.”
Jisung lets out an ugly snort and Felix beams back at him, all crescent eyes and cheeks decorated with pretty freckles and golden glitter that shines as it catches the light.
They talk like that for a while, with Felix’s legs thrown over Jisung’s lap. Minho’s hand has moved from his thigh to massaging the back of his neck and it takes all of Jisung’s power to not melt under his skillful hand right then and there.
After a while Felix spots Chan and Jeongin in the crowd and hops over to them after bidding Minho and Jisung farewell.
Jisung feels content like this, with Minho’s hands on him. And now that Felix has left he can finally lose himself a little in Minho.
It doesn’t last very long though because he sees a friend from his Music History class waving at him. He waves back and prepares himself to stand up and talk to her when Minho’s hand moves to the side of his neck and squeezes the tiniest amount. So light it’s not even close to causing any discomfort, instead meant more of a reminder that Minho’s still there next to him. A call for attention if you will. Even so Jisung feels himself freeze and his muscles tense up and his mind goes all hazy.
It takes his brain some time to reboot and it’s only after it starts working again that he realizes he should probably look over at Minho to ask him what he wants.
Minho is looking at him with an eyebrow raised expectantly and it takes some time for Jisung to understand what he’s waiting for, or at least he thinks he knows, which is why the question comes out unsure and a little quiet.
“Can I go and talk to my friend over there?” Jisung nods his head slightly in her direction but Minho’s eyes never leave his.
The small encouraging smile that appears on Minho’s face is enough to get Jisung to relax again when he understands that he read the situation right. Minho wanted him to ask for permission first before acting on his own and leaving his side and he probably shouldn’t be surprised when Minho tells him “No” with a sweet smile pulling at the corners of his lips.
A strangled, confused noise leaves his throat and Minho giggles at the sound, making Jisung blush. But he doesn’t question Minho this time. Instead he lets him take control, lets him dictate what he can and cannot do, and the thought of having to ask Minho for permission first before he does something shouldn’t be as hot as he finds it. But his heart is speeding up and the place where Minho is resting his hand is burning. He scoots closer anyway, seeking more of Minho.
It becomes almost like a game.
Jisung starts asking Minho for permission before he does something and Minho indulges him, giving him an answer of either yes or no.
It’s unnecessary and might even be annoying had it been anyone other than Minho. But Jisung can tell Minho is pleased by the way his hands grow bolder, rubbing his entire hand up and down over his side instead of only his thumb, resting it on his backside and even giving it a squeeze or pat from time to time as if to catch his attention.
Something that is entirely unnecessary seeing as Jisung is currently so locked in on Minho he’d probably already have walked into a wall or two if it weren’t for Minho’s hands guiding him the right way.
There’s also a chance he’s doing it so he can coax some noise out of Jisung seeing as he accidentally let out a startled squeak the first time he did it, much to Jisung's embarrassment.
Jisung also realizes he quite enjoys asking for Minho’s permission before he does something.
He likes the absolute rush and feeling of elation that washes over him when he receives a yes - like when he asked if they could throw away the empty pizza carton and get another drink - but he also appreciates the no’s - basically anything that would entail Jisung leaving Minho’s side - since it leaves him with a desire to prove himself to Minho, show him he can be good and listen even if it isn’t something he originally wanted.
The look in Minho’s eyes when he listens without objection, when he shows Minho how willing he is to follow his orders, is so raw and unfiltered Jisung wishes Minho would demand he always needed to ask him for permission first in order to do something. Or better yet, for Minho to take the initiative and order him around as he pleases so he can do what Minho wants instead of only his own requests.
Because he’s so incredibly desperate to please he doesn’t know what to do with himself.
***
Jisung isn’t all that experienced. He’s kissed a few girls and has slept with one or two, but Jisung isn’t the type to sleep with someone if they aren’t dating. And he isn’t really comfortable with dating people unless he gets to know them somewhat first.
This is one of the aspects he and Minho differ in, however. Because even if Minho isn’t the most social person out there, he has no problem talking to new people, especially not if he’s drowned a few drinks first.
And when they’re out all Minho has to do is simply exist for people to come over and talk to him. He makes himself approachable first though, swaying to the music and somehow manipulating the air around him to give off an inviting, soft presence.
And when people start coming he sorts them into categories. Girls: who he kindly rejects before directing them elsewhere. Unsure: where he spends some time talking to test the waters. And lastly, Yes: where he responds back to the flirting with something equally or sometimes even more suggestive before dragging them to the dancefloor.
He’s learned the patterns and could probably tell who is and isn’t Minho’s type before Minho can give it away with his response to them.
Jisung swears he isn’t being creepy, simply… observant. Minho is his best friend so of course he pays attention. Besides, it's not like he has anything better to do. Which is why when they go out, the time that he is away from Minho he instead spends on watching Minho dance and flirt with guys. Not weird at all.
Even though Jisung himself doesn’t see the appeal of one night stands, he isn't one to judge either. Especially not when it comes to Minho. Sweet, kind Minho who accepts every single flaw in Jisung’s body.
He can’t help feeling not so fond of the idea though.
The first few times it happened Jisung was scared he was being homophobic. Because he didn’t know Minho was into guys until he saw him kissing one. But it wasn’t until his third time watching Minho interacting with a guy that he remembered Hyunjin and his crush on Changbin.
And he certainly had no problem with that unless it was in the middle of the night and Jisung wanted to sleep while Hyunjin wouldn’t shut up about his arms or whatever else it was he was drooling over.
Then he thought maybe he was upset because Minho ditched him just so he could get laid. Not that he’s ever alone when Minho leaves because he always makes sure at least one of their friends is there to keep him company.
But Jisung doesn’t like when Minho prioritizes strangers over him. Sure he might not be able to give Minho blowjobs but at least he’s funny.
The thought that it's because he’s worried has also crossed his mind. Because what if one of them takes advantage of him? Minho might be older and certainly more experienced but he’s also one of the nicest people Jisung knows. And the thought of Minho being forced into doing something he doesn’t want makes his heart hurt and stomach nauseous.
But he also knows Minho is stronger than he looks. Both mentally and physically.
He’s stronger than Jisung is, even if Minho’s muscles don't show as easily as his does. And Jisung knows he has muscles, has felt them under his fingers when they watch movies together and end up half cuddling. He has also seen it in the way he easily managed to carry Changbin while doing squats after Seungmin challenged him.
Heck, even he himself has been on the receiving end of being carried the few times he’s fallen asleep mid-movie only to end up waking up when Minho lifts him into his arms to bring him to bed. He always pretends to be asleep though, basking in Minho’s silent care.
It isn't until he accidentally witnesses something that he realizes that maybe his feelings for Minho run a little deeper than friendship.
Every Friday after Jisung’s last class he’ll go to Minho’s place so that they can watch a movie together. It’s basically tradition.
When he shows up Minho will warm up the take out he bought on his way home while Jisung brings all the blankets and pillows from Minho’s bed to the couch so he can build them the most comfortable nest before plopping down and deciding on a few movies for Minho to pick from. Then Minho comes with the food and they cuddle up with all the blankets and pillows around them.
Minho has even given him a spare key to his place after he got caught up in dance practice and for once returned after Jisung only to find him sitting outside his door on a cold winter night.
It was definitely not Jisung’s smartest decision ever and also entirely his own fault. But he’d gotten a cold and Minho had spent the entire weekend nursing him back to health.
So when Minho had told him on a Thursday that they’d have to cancel that week's movie night, Jisung brain hadn’t actually understood what that meant because when Friday came and he finished his last class he made his way over to Minho's apartment without a thought in his mind.
It wasn’t until he was standing in Minho’s doorway, hearing muffled noises and creaking from Minho’s bedroom that he remembered Minho’s words. At first he thought about leaving but then again he was also so very curious.
Because Minho had never canceled on him before.
Curiosity ended up getting the better of him and he sneaked toward the bedroom door. Just a little peek he tells himself, gently turning the handle and looking inside.
Just a peek turns into a little longer because Jisung ends up frozen in place. He doesn’t really know what he was expecting, and when he thinks back to a few seconds ago he feels like it should have been obvious. But alas! And so there Jisung stands, peaking through the doorway, watching his best friend have sex.
Jisung had never really wondered what Minho would be like in bed, because why would he? Yet he was still surprised when he saw him on his knees behind the other guy. A firm hand placed between shoulder blades as he pressed him down into the pillows. The other hand was holding onto the guy’s hip, squeezing hard, and his own hips were snapping purposefully and strong.
But more captivating than anything else was his face. His eyes were hard and his jaw tensed, sweat running down his temple before dripping down his neck.
His arm flexed and then he moved his hand from the guy's hip down his thigh before digging into the fat there and lifting the leg up.
The position looked complicated and awfully grueling for Minho, but besides the huff of effort he let out he didn’t seem too faced. With one leg on the mattress and the other suspended in the air by Minho, the guy's lower body turned slightly toward Jisung.
Jisung doesn’t really know himself what positions are good or not and even though he thinks his leg would cramp up if he were in the guy's place, it was obviously doing wonders for him. Because his moans grew louder, breathier, more desperate.
Then he heard Minho. It was a drawn out curse, some kind of guttural groan and Jisung was instantly brought back to reality.
As quietly as he could he closed the door before tiptoeing out of the apartment. After he’d locked the door he all but sprinted back home.
His entire body was burning and something told him it wasn't from the running. When he came home he went straight to his room without so much as a glance toward Felix and Hyunjin who were watching some drama on TV.
If Jisung spent that Friday night buried under his blanket and face pressed into his pillow as he experienced a shamefully mindblowing orgasm no one needs to know.
It took some time for Jisung to be able to look Minho in the eyes again. Minho seemed to notice but never pried, instead he let Jisung take his time resolving whatever it was troubling him. And it didn't take that long, because no matter how ashamed he felt or how guilty he was, he couldn't stay away from Minho.
But because Jisung is a coward his first instinct was denial.
No matter how he tries to twist it though it's obvious he’s attracted to guys, but that doesn’t necessarily have to mean he likes Minho. Sure, Minho might be the most beautiful guy he’s ever laid eyes on, but that doesn’t mean he’s in love with him.
And so in his denial he for the first time in his life actually doesn’t care whether he knows the person or not and starts experimenting.
When someone approaches, he doesn't immediately reject them. Instead he lets them talk him up and he does his best to respond with matched energy. After a few times he gets the hang of it and with his friends standing a few feet away from him it isn’t all that scary anymore.
Everyone seems to notice the change though because after returning from chatting with the third stranger that night Felix is quick to ask.
It takes a second for him to think before answering. “Just thought I’d test it out, you guys seem to like talking to people after all.” Chan looks almost proud of him but he also looks worried and Jisung has to look down at his drink so he doesn’t ask any questions.
Soon it becomes the new norm for Jisung to flirt with a few strangers when they go out or are invited to parties. Chan continues to circulate between the hundreds of friends he has. Hyunjin, Felix and sometimes Changbin take to the dance floor as always while either Seungmin or Jeongin make sure to keep Jisung company when he returns to them.
The one thing that changes however is Minho.
Because Minho who before liked to dance with, talk to and invite strangers back home seems more inclined to stay with their friend group now instead. Especially checking on Jisung when he’s away talking to strangers.
Minho’s approachable aura that he carried before is completely gone now but Jisung is still surprised when no one approaches him. Because even if he looks dangerous and bored he is still so utterly stunning Jisung doesn’t know what to do with himself.
It isn’t until a few weeks after his accidental wittnessing of Minho having sex that he’s forced to admit that maybe it’s not so much guys that he likes as it is Minho. Because he’s kissed a few now and every time leaves him disappointed and wishing it was someone else instead.
It is also after a few too many embarrassing and spicy dreams of Minho touching, kissing and staring at him with those intense eyes of his that Jisung realizes that he is utterly fucked. And it is entirely on accident that he relizes that Minho might just be as fucked as he is.
The night had started out normally. Jisung getting dragged away by some girl and making out with her in some corner of the house. Sitting in an armchair with her in his lap. His hands are on her waist and she has her hands in his hair.
When she grinds down ever so lightly he groans and throws his head back slowly, giving her access to his neck. She seems to take it as an invitation because soon she’s sucking marks into his skin and everything becomes all too much all too quickly.
He’s embarrassed as he asks her to stop but manages to get her off and mutters a small “Sorry, not really feeling it right now,” before he runs back to the main area of the house where he looks for his friends.
The first one he sees is Minho and he barrels into Minho’s arms who grunts at the impact.
When Minho asks what's wrong he’s embarrassed all over again and is quick to pull away and give him a not so reassuring “I’m fine”.
Something else seems to have caught Minho’s attention though because he doesn’t acknowledge Jisung’s answer instead only stares at his neck.
Jisung flushes when he realizes the girl must have left some marks. He thinks Minho’s going to tease him and make fun of him for fooling around or worse, congratulate him for scoring or whatever.
But Minho simply looks upset, a little angry maybe and for a second Jisung thinks he’s sulking. Then he brings his arm back around Jisung, pulling him toward him hard.
There is nothing gentle in his actions and the grip he has on him is strong. But Jisung doesn’t mind and when he thinks that this is Minho being jealous, possessive of him, he thinks he’d allow anyone to mark him up if he gets a similar response again.
***
The few too many drinks Jisung has drowned during the night, both alcohol and non-alcoholic, are starting to make themselves known and he doesn’t think too much of it when he asks if he can use the bathroom.
His eyes widen and he whimpers, actually whimpers when he receives a firm “No” from Minho instead of the “Yes” he was expecting.
Minho’s looking at him with faux pity in his eyes as he stares back at Jisung as if he can’t do anything about it. Like he genuinely feels bad about Jisung’s problem. As if it isn’t up to Minho whether he gets to use the bathroom or not.
The thought of Minho controlling even his most natural urges, something even he himself can’t control to a 100 percent, shouldn’t turn him on as much as it does.
Minho doesn’t let Jisung ponder the thought too long though because he quickly resumes the conversation that Jisung abruptly ended with his question and Jisung follows along, letting Minho guide the conversation as he himself gets a little lost in his own head.
Minho’s firm but gentle squeezes and easy but meaningful questions bring him back to reality soon enough though and his urge to pee isn’t that strong anymore.
After some time Jisung spots Seungmin and with Minho’s agreement they walk over toward him.
He’s mixing drinks with some friends and is kind enough to make some for them too which Jisung makes sure to thank him for.
When the focus of the conversation shifts from random topics to Jisung, Minho holds him a little tighter.
Seungmin’s eyes travel down to the arm that has a solid grip on Jisung’s torso, definitely holding him tighter than necessary, and pointedly looks between the two of them but thankfully doesn’t mention anything. Jisung doesn’t really know himself what they’re doing after all.
When the song changes Minho perks up and giggles a little. Jisung feels butterflies flutter in his chest at the sound and when Minho leans in and whispers in his ear he feels himself shiver and burn at the same time.
“C’mon let’s dance.” Is all Minho says before he starts steering them over toward the dance floor, giving a small wave over his shoulder to Seungmin and his friends.
Jisung has always thought Minho was pretty and because Minho knows what he’s doing and likes dancing he looks absolutely stunning when he does it. Jisung can’t tear his eyes away from Minho as he starts moving to the music.
Minho meets his eyes and laughs before moving closer, making his heart beat speed up.
When he comes close enough he puts his hands on his hips and Jisung’s own hands slowly creep up Minho’s arms, gently squeezing biceps before settling on his shoulders.
Then Minho grips tighter and pulls him even closer, making Jisung gasp a little.
They fall into an easy rhythm, swaying to the music together and Jisung almost forgets there are others there until he accidentally bumps into someone and he quickly apologizes. Minho pulls him away, guiding him toward a slightly emptier space before pulling him back in close again.
The warmth of Minho's skin seeps through his shirt and then past Jisung's own dress shirt until it spreads over his skin in gentle waves.
Minho looks beautiful as he guides their dance, sometimes laughing loudly at something Jisung says and the fond look in his eyes makes Jisung want to cry.
He feels like he’s floating and drowning at the same time and he can't tell if the lightheadedness he’s currently feeling is from the alcohol or because of how close Minho is. Maybe it’s both.
When they get off the dance floor the urge to pee has returned and it’s even worse than before. He feels himself wiggle around as he tries to distract himself from the growing pressure in his bladder and wonders if he should ask Minho again. But when he asks he gets the same answer and this time he can’t help the “Why?” that escapes.
Minho sighs softly and Jisung barely manages to hold back the whimper this time. He doesn’t want to disappoint Minho.
“Because you have a habit of disappearing with other people when I let you wander off on your own,” he says and Jisung lets out a small incredulous laugh.
“Who am I going to meet on my way to the bathroom? You can walk me to the toilets and wait outside, I promise I’ll be quick-”
“I said no, Jisung.” Minho interrupts. His voice is firm in its finality and holds no place for argument.
This time Jisung does whimper out loud.
Minho holds him a little harder before relaxing again as he says softly, “If you really need to go you don’t have to listen to me, but as long as you keep asking me I’m going to tell you no, okay?”
And then even more gently he clarifies, “But even if I tell you no it’s important that you understand that I’m never gonna be angry or disappointed with you if you feel like you can’t do it.”
Jisung can tell this is Minho trying to reassure him, give him an out if it gets too much. Jisung doesn’t have to continue playing this game with Minho if he doesn’t want to.
Even though he knows Minho would never force him to do something he doesn’t want and that even if they are pretending Minho’s the one making the decisions they both know Jisung can just walk away if he wants to, can just stop asking for Minho’s permission entirely if he so wishes.
Hearing it verbalized by Minho, another confirmation that it’s simply a game for both of their enjoyment and not for Minho to take Jisung’s free will away, makes him feel infinitely lighter and he melts further into Minho’s side.
“No,” he mutters softly because he doesn’t want to go unless Minho lets him. And he hasn’t, so Jisung is staying right here by his side until Minho changes his mind.
“I want to listen to you,” he continues and is rewarded by Minho’s other hand coming up to gently caress his hair, pulling him into a hug and Jisung feels himself relax even more in his hold.
But then he freezes.
Relaxing too much is bad for his bladder and he shifts around a little in Minho’s hold, trying to figure out a comfortable position where the extreme pressure on his bladder isn’t the only thing he can think about.
Minho’s hand in his hair drops back to his side but Jisung can’t bring himself to care as he shuffles from one foot to the other, doing some awkward dance to keep himself distracted.
He bites down on his lower lip and the pain momentarily diverts his attention away from the one in his lower stomach.
He can’t help but curse his past self. Why did he have to drink so much tonight of all nights? Except he does know why.
Because it’s always like this.
He can’t bring himself to fool around with other people when he’s sober and therefore has a few drinks during the beginning of the party. Otherwise he’d never dare to shamfully ask his partners if they could move down to his neck after a few pecks on the lips.
But at the same time he can’t be full on drunk either because then he’s scared he won’t be able to push the person away if they ever decide to not listen when he tells them to stop. Therefore he consumes a lot of water as well.
If only he knew Minho wouldn’t let him go tonight.
The pressure is downright painful now and he freezes again when he feels a few drops dribble out and most likely stain his briefs.
He stops completely, doesn’t dare move another step, scared he’ll accidentally jostle his bladder and make all the pee flow out of him.
Minho notices his change in demeanor. Because of course he does.
“What’s wrong Sungie, not gonna dance anymore?” The faux pity in his voice and his played up oblivion is layered on thick, mocking him, and Jisung can't decide if he hates or loves it.
He shivers and can feel the panic flowing in his veins, but then his dick twitches and he feels betrayed. The already tight pants have grown a little tighter.
He sniffles as he looks up at Minho and for a moment he forgets how to breathe. Minho’s eyes are dark, darker than he’s ever seen them before and his pupils are blown wide. His cheeks are dusted the prettiest pink as he looks at Jisung with some animalistic, primal hunger.
Jisung is obviously not the only one affected.
The thought of Minho enjoying this as much as he is, of a Minho that is looking at Jisung like he wants this, like he wants him, has Jisung growing even harder and his legs tremble as they struggle to carry him.
Because Minho wants him even though he is seconds away from pissing his pants, and then he remembers why he decided to look up at Minho in the first place.
“Hy-hyung,” he manages to stutter out. His hand comes up to tightly grip Minho's shirt in a desperate attempt to keep himself grounded. He gives his best puppy dog eyes, not ashamed at all over how wanting for Minho’s approval he is.
“Please hyung, let me use the bathroom.” Minho doesn’t respond. “Please?” he asks again but Minho remains unshaken. If anything, Jisung’s pleading might have had the opposite effect as he slowly licks his lips and Jisung is instantly distracted by it.
Another few drops escape and Jisung realizes with horror that he won’t be able to hold it in for much longer.
But no matter how many times he asks, Minho is firm with his refusal and Jisung belatedly realizes that Minho won’t give him his permission. Jisung still can’t bring himself to move though. Even after he becomes aware of that fact he continues his futile attempt at begging.
He refuses to pee without Minho’s permission. Even if it frustrates him, even if a small, tiny part of him has already realized how it’s going to play out if he doesn’t go now, he stays.
“Please, please hyung. Minho-hyung I- Pleasepleaseplease.” He’s so close to crying, can feel the sting in his eyes as he desperately tries to keep the tears at bay.
“I promise I'll come back quickly just-” There’s no ounce of shame left in his body, only desperation. Desperation for Minho's permission, permission he knows isn’t coming.
But he’s so desperate to be good for Minho, to prove himself to him, that he continues anyway.
He presses his legs together. Clutches Minho's shirt harder, desperate to ground himself and he feels like he might actually pee himself right then and there.
Tears are slowly forming in his eyes and his breathing has become labored. His bladder is stinging and painful, angry at him for holding it for so long, and he presses his thighs together even tighter.
“Pleaseplea-” a sob interrupts his begging and a hand shoots downward to press down on his dick, squeezing it hard to keep anything from dripping out.
But he can tell a few too many drops have already gathered in his underwear. His grip on Minho's shirt is so hard his knuckles have turned white.
“I can’t-” is all he manages before he lets out an even louder sob, screwing his eyes shut and pressing his face into Minho's shoulder as he pees.
He can feel his dick twitch pathetically in his tight grip, can feel the warm liquid pool in his hand and flow down the inside of his thighs.
He can hear people talking behind him, people moving around, dancing to the music.
But louder than the music and all the people is the sound of urine, his urine slipping through the cracks between his fingers and dripping down onto the carpet.
His entire body is shaking, both from relief but also dissatisfaction since he stopped the flow as soon as he got control over it again.
He’s burning in shame from having peed his pants in the middle of a party, in front of so many people, in front of Minho.
Anyone who looks a little closer would see the mess he made in his pants and would see the small puddle building under him.
But even worse than the shame of peeing his pants at the age of 21 is the shame of disobeying Minho. Minho hadn’t given him permission to pee, whether it be in the bathroom or in his pants on the living room floor at some party.
Minho's hand reaches down and moves the hand grabbing his crotch. The small amount he managed to gather there splashes onto the ground and he starts sobbing again.
“Oh, Jisungie.” Is all Minho says before he starts shushing him.
His face is pressed into Minho’s neck while he combs his fingers through his hair. Gently massaging his scalp and caressing the back of his neck in a comforting manner.
He doesn't know how long they stay like that but it feels like forever before his sobs turn into faint sniffles instead. His body is still shaking and if he wasn’t leaning on Minho he’d probably have collapsed onto the floor ages ago.
Minho’s lips are moving against his ear and he shivers. “Sssh, Sungie. It’s okay, I got you,” he whispers and Jisung feels safe.
“Do you want to go to the bathroom or do you want to go home?”
His voice is so very soft and his hold is so very kind and gentle, as if Jisung was something fragile, as if he’d break if Minho held him too hard. And maybe he’s right because Jisung sure feels fragile right now and he thinks that if Minho moves even an inch further away from him he might actually die.
“Home,” he manages after some time. Minho's hands never once move away or stop their gentle touches.
Jisung still very much needs to pee, but the feeling is subdued now and the feeling of getting away from anything and everything that isn’t Minho is a more important urge.
“Can you walk?” Minho asks softly and he manages a small nod.
Minho keeps one arm around him as he maneuvers him out of the house. When he looks back he sees a small damp spot on the carpet that makes him burn with shame all over again.
Outside the wind blows and Jisung shivers. The wetness of his pants making him that much colder.
After Minho calls for a cab he takes his jacket and ties it around Jisung’s waist in an attempt to hide the stain at the front. Then he wipes his tears and kisses his forehead. “Let’s get you home and cleaned up, yeah?” He says and Jisung nods.
***