Chapter Text
“San Lang, you need to rest. It’s getting late.”
Hua Cheng doesn’t look up from his work, gaze focused. He does, however, momentarily stop in his movements to show that he’s listening, not wanting to disrespect the person currently leaning on the doorway behind him.
“I’m fine, gege,” he says with his most cheerful, reassuring voice.
Even if they’re not facing each other, Hua Cheng can easily imagine the doubt on his friend’s face. Xie Lian’s mouth is probably opening right about now, that adorable frown of concern adorning his features, eyes shining with worry.
He hates that he’s the one putting it there. He never wants to worry his gege, especially when he comes out of his way to take care of Hua Cheng’s well being. Sure, Xie Lian probably had been in the college’s library until now, but he still took time out of his very busy schedule to look after Hua Cheng’s health.
Any other time, Hua Cheng would have stopped immediately, entirely too happy to go on home with Xie Lian at his side, content to listen to him happily chat about his day. Today, he can’t. It’s for a good cause, and he can’t afford to stop now. He’s got a deadline to meet, and he wants – no, need – everything to be perfect.
“San Lang—”
“I promise I’ll go home soon, gege,” he says with a smile as he looks over his shoulder, trying with all his might to appear comforting.
He doesn’t think it works, however, considering Xie Lian’s mouth purses into a thin line, his gaze watching how tight Hua Cheng’s smile really is.
Thankfully, he doesn’t comment on it.
“I just need to finish this project as soon as possible. I’ve got a deadline coming pretty soon, and I can’t really afford to slack off. I’m sorry, though. I know you’re worried about me.”
Hua Cheng almost sniffs after those words, feeling his nose running, but he catches himself on time. Instead, he turns his head back towards his work and pretends to scratch his nose to dab mot of it.
Ugh. Disgusting.
He’s aware that Xie Lian knows he’s got a cold, but he wasn’t about to admit it anytime soon, least of all to himself. If he started showing his symptoms to the other, there was no way his gege would leave without him, forcing him to go home and rest.
Can’t do that. Nope!
Xie Lian sighs. It sounds a little frustrated. Hua Cheng deflates a little.
“Can’t you ask for an extension or something? I’m sure whoever commissioned you could understand!”
Hua Cheng shakes his head, hating how his nose tickles and itches. It takes a lot of self-control not to rub it again, risking the suspicions to grow. Requires everything to quell the sneeze that dies to explode.
“Sorry, no can do,” he answers apologetically. “I’ll be fine. Seriously. It’s only for a few days, then I’ll be able to get home at a reasonable hour, I promise.”
This time, when Xie Lian sighs, it sounds defeated. It brings Hua Cheng no joy or sense of victory. He would rather dig his own grave than make his gege so discomfited.
“I just—” Another sigh. “No, never mind. As long as you promise you’ll rest as soon as you can, and that you’ll be fine.”
“I promise.”
“Alright, San Lang. I trust you.” And to that, Hua Cheng feels the pang of guilt stabbing his chest. “Well, I’ll head on back, then. Please take care of yourself for the next few days.”
Hua Cheng gulps silently. “I will, don’t worry. Bye gege!”
“Bye San Lang!”
Xie Lian turns on his feet and leaves the premises, abandoning a lone artist that has a very brief moment of wondering if he’s making the right choice and should be regretting his actions.
His shoulders sag. Once the footsteps have faded away, he sneezes violently in his elbow, reaching for tissues immediately thereafter.
He’s doing the right thing! This will all be worth it in the end.
And he doesn’t have a cold anyway!
A few days ago, Xie Lian caught Hua Cheng sneezing while they were watching a movie together. And while it shouldn’t be atypical, not being a grand affair either, Hua Cheng began sneezing for a second, then a third time, followed by three other times in a row later on.
At that point, Xie Lian, whose head had been resting on Hua Cheng’s shoulder, pulled away, blinking at the other man in dismay, as though unable to quite comprehend what was happening. In the few years they’d known each other, he’d never seen Hua Cheng catch anything, much less a common cold!
Not that Hua Cheng didn’t get sick, per se, but he always managed to either hide it well, or find a good way to avoid the other man for a few days on the pretext of work or school. Considering Hua Cheng wasn’t the type to get sick easily either, it had all been doable so far.
Not that he’s sick at the moment, thank you very much. It was just a trail of sneezing, nothing more!
Yet his confidence that he was all right clearly wasn’t enough to convince Xie Lian. The latter commented on the fact that Hua Cheng looked a little pale, mentioning he’d found him a bit more tired than usual. Hua Cheng shrugged, explaining he’d been commissioned for a big project. Considering he’d just finished a session of exams, he’d had less time for himself lately.
[He squeezed Xie Lian’s hand three times when his friend tried to point out they’d spent a lot of time together too. There was no way he would let the love of his life his best friend think of even mentioning he was being a burden when, on the contrary, he was the light of Hua Cheng’s day. Xie Lian’s mouth stayed shut.]
When Xie Lian pointed out a cold could be possible, Hua Cheng snorted, almost offended by the idea. He waved his hand in dismissal, all smirks and shining eyes while he forced the sneeze that died to erupt to stay where it was.
It did.
Xie Lian let the matter go, advising Hua Cheng to be careful with his health nonetheless. He would hate to see him sick, after all.
Hua Cheng knew that too well. That was why he didn’t want his gege to find out. He already had enough on his plate already.
Not that there was anything to find out, of course!
They’d returned their attention to the movie after that, then spent a bit more time together before Xie Lian bade him goodbye and left for his own apartment.
The moment he was gone, Hua Cheng finally let go, sneezing violently multiple times in a row, followed by a series of coughing.
No. He was not sick! This was nothing more than dust caught in his throat.
It wasn’t like Hua Cheng even had time to be sick, anyway. His project would demand him a lot of time and energy, knowing he would be quite busy with it along with everything already going on in his life.
Considering his deadline was short, he couldn’t afford to take time for himself to rest. He would have to power through.
He didn’t mind. Not when it was all for Xie Lian.
See, his friend’s birthday was coming up soon. Hua Cheng got it marked clearly on his calendar, a few hearts adorning the date of the month accompanied by a cake. It was the most important day of the year! Ensuring that Xie Lian got the best birthday every year was Hua Cheng’s sole mission in life.
This year was especially important, more so than others, because Hua Cheng was preparing a huge surprise. Which meant having to hide things and find excuses for his odd behaviours.
It was for a good cause.
Instead of working on a commission, Hua Cheng was preparing a gift for his best friend. And not any gift! The most meaningful of ones: a sculpture of Dianxia and his ghost king, Xie Lian’s favorite characters from his most cherished novel.
Years ago, Xie Lian explained to him that the book in question got him through a lot of rough patches in his life. It was always there whenever he needed an escape from the world, or to be reassured. It was a very old friend to him. Because books couldn’t betray you. A book could not leave you. It could hurt you, sure, but it was controlled, and it helped sort feelings out.
When Hua Cheng had seen the novel, he’d been struck with how worn and old it appeared. Not in a bad way – the love and care with which the owner handled it showed through every page. Hua Cheng had almost been jealous of it.
Almost.
He’d also been moved. Reading the book itself made him understand why Xie Lian loved it, why it was so special to him. He understood a lot more about his friend and fell further in love with him for it.
Knowing how that book was important to his gege, especially the characters, an idea eventually struck Hua Cheng, who set off to plan the most special birthday this year. He would sculpt those very same characters Xie Lian loved deeply while doing something incredibly bold: he would make them look like Xie Lian and himself.
Not too much. Or, well, Hua Cheng would alter his own features, roughen them up. That way, his face could be interpreted differently if need be. He would, however, make sure that Xie Lian was depicted as the most beautiful Dianxia.
With this gift, Hua Cheng intended to set his plan in motion – confess to Xie Lian.
From the moment they had met, Hua Cheng had been in everlasting love with him
Being with love with his best friend was the easiest thing in the world. Staying at his side, being a devoted friend, being there for him whenever he needed was the simplest thing to do.
Xie Lian was beyond kind and gentle to anyone that came across his path, like a ray of sunshine that could settle and melt your anxiety. His smile, radiant and warm, was filled with an almost unshakable optimism that Hua Cheng could only marvel at.
Everything about Xie Lian was beautiful, and despite not having said anything about his feelings so far, Hua Cheng couldn’t help the constant flirting so he could see his most handsome face turn absolutely cute as he blushed in embarrassment.
Xie Lian being in the vicinity always struck Hua Cheng’s heart, and he couldn’t help but wonder how he was still alive after all this time. Surely he must’ve turned into a ghost or something for this heart to handle such roller coasters every day!
Knowing that such beauty held its share of darkness didn’t deter Hua Cheng’s love. If anything, it only solidified it. Xie Lian had confessed about his past when his friend offered him a listening ear void of judgement. He’d been through a lot of horrible things in his life. Hurt and ridiculed, people abandoning him through various circumstances. It pained Hua Cheng that he could not have been a part of the other’s life beforehand in order to help him.
Despite everything, Xie Lian managed to smile and keep going. It was admirable. Hua Cheng could only be more in love with the other man.
Of course, Hua Cheng wasn’t pretentious and delusional enough to believe he was worthy of Xie Lian. He definitely was not a good person in general, and his best friend deserved someone better than a broken man filled with resentment and hate at the world.
Fear of rejection also made him pause every time he might’ve wanted to say the words. He could not bear knowing that he would have to break his friendship with this wonderful man because he was stupid enough to make things awkward between them.
But there was the way He Xuan rolled his eyes at him whenever he mentioned Xie Lian not liking him back, or the way Shi Qingxuan smiled at him with a fond discouraged huff, that made him want to hope – hope just a bit – that it was possible his feelings might be returned.
Hence the reason of this whole surprise being prepared; so he could offer something meaningful while he laid his feelings bare.
Hua Cheng had a week to prepare. He would have started sooner, but if he wanted to avoid suspicions, it was best if Xie Lian wasn’t near while he worked on his project. Considering the fact that they spent time with each other everyday these days, it would be hard to do anything without his friend noticing.
Luckily, Xie Lian needed to be out of town for a few days because of his job. The perfect time to work! It was short, but it would have to be enough. He’d already started working on the sketches for his design as it was easy to hide. He would be ready to start sculpting once Xie Lian was gone.
That was the reason Hua Cheng was not sick. He didn’t have the time to be.
Hua Cheng wakes up with a horrible headache. His nose is stuffed, and his sinuses are throbbing achingly, lancing through the back of his brain like a blade cutting deep. He groans in pain and coughs, the sound wet and deep, wincing at the sharp soreness each rattle gives his throat.
The coughing fit leaves him winded, wheezing for each breath, dizzy as black spots dance before his eyes. He has to stay seated a while longer, hand cupping his clammy forehead as he attempts to breathe through his mouth, sniffing and clearing his throat.
His will, however, is far stronger than whatever sickness he is not having. He only has four days left, with no way to afford slacking off. If he stayed here, if he admitted anything to himself, he wouldn’t be able to finish on time. He wants his project to be perfect. Every minute is needed.
Dragging himself to the bathroom, Hua Cheng glares at himself in front of the mirror, as though his annoyance will be enough to dispel what’s plaguing him. It does nothing of the sort. Instead, he takes two pills, if only to assuage the headache, but that’s all.
He’s not sick, so there’s no need for medicines.
As he leaves, his movements and thoughts not faint in the least, he ignores the redness of his cheeks that is almost glaring in comparison to his already pale complexion.
Somehow, he makes it through the day through sheer will alone. He manages to present as normal as he can while he sits in class, thanking the heavens that none of them are shared with He Xuan today. Otherwise, the man would tattle to Shi Qingxuan who, in turn, would report to Xie Lian. No sense in worrying his best friend when he had much more important matters to take care of.
Obviously, he doesn’t bump into Xie Lian anywhere, and doesn’t get a visit from him either, seeing as he’s out of town. It doesn’t change the fact that Hua Cheng is disappointed his routine is broken. It takes him a while to realise that he is pouting while he works, however, sulking at the fact that he is left alone.
Some other part of him, however, is a little relieved. Hiding his not cold is getting increasingly difficult. The sniffling and sneezing are relentless, the garbage bin next to him now full.
Sculpting tool in hand, Hua Cheng concentrates as hard as he can on the statue he’s been working over for the last few hours. The pain between his brows is distracting, making his vision blur enough times for him to have to squint, which only makes his head throb harder.
He hates how hard it is to breathe! His focus is waving, but he has to push on. He has to.
There’s a sudden sneeze. Pain flares in the palm of his left hand and, when he looks down, Hua Cheng sees blood dripping down. The violent motion most probably made him chip his hand with the chisel instead of the statue, leaving a long gash.
Hua Cheng blinks rapidly, his brain slow to catch up. When it finally registers, however, he quickly grabs the sculpture with his other hand, heart thundering in his chest and colors draining from his skin further.
He examines the damage, cursing loudly as he sees the corner now stained crimson. He should definitely wipe the blood quickly, but with the state of his hand, there is no way he would manage without ruining it further.
Spitting another wave of curses, Hua Cheng puts the statue down, grabs the emergency kit left in the studio for this exact reason, then sets out for the nearest washroom where he proceeds to clean his hand.
The wound stings under running water, adding to the flaring headache. When it’s thoroughly cleaned, Hua Cheng examines the injury, hoping it isn’t too deep or that he needs medical care. A heavy sigh is released when it’s obvious he doesn’t need stitches.
“Thank God for small blessings, I suppose,” he mutters, bandaging his hand carefully.
Hua Cheng makes sure that his hand is bandaged in a way that he will still be able to use. It will probably hurt, but he’ll simply grit his teeth through the pain, as he’s done from the beginning. He’s getting used to it by now.
Cleaning everything else up, Hua Cheng leaves the washroom and heads back to the small studio. Scowling deeply at the mess he finds inside, his head throbs harder, discouraged. He heaves a frustrated sigh, then proceeds to grab a cloth and tries his best to clean the sculpture.
He finds that it is mostly salvageable, thankfully. The rest, he would probably be able to hide under the painting.
Once he’s done, Hua Cheng looks back at the clock on the wall and winces at how late it already is. He could potentially keep going, but he and Xie Lian had promised to call each other every day to compensate for the fact that they wouldn’t be able to spend time together in person. If Xie Lian found out Hua Cheng was still at the university, he would be completely disappointed.
He would give Hua Cheng that look, the one that made his insides twist, despite not saying much.
No, it was better if he headed back home. Regardless of his mistake today, he had progressed a lot more than he’d planned. He could afford to give his hand some time to rest tonight.
At the very least, the injury wasn’t on his dominant hand.
Quietly cleaning up, he then left the studio behind, refusing to acknowledge how his body sagged in relief at the thought of going home.
“San Lang, you don’t look so good.”
Hua Cheng wonders why he’d decided to video chat Xie Lian instead of calling him on the phone. Probably because his friend would’ve noticed the odd choice of communication, but it might’ve saved him some face.
Never mind the fact that Hua Cheng was a weak man, and he needed to see the face of the man he loved.
Still, of fucking course Xie Lian would notice his state. They could almost read each other perfectly now that they’d known each other for years. They were so attuned to every change that, whenever something was amiss, they could tell immediately.
It was a blessing whenever Hua Cheng wanted to take care of his best friend whenever the latter was feeling down, but very much a problem when Hua Cheng wanted to hide what was wrong for Xie Lian’s sake.
“It’s nothing to worry about, gege. Just a little bit tired, that’s all. Hit a minor set back earlier on my commission, so it was a little frustrating.”
Apparently, the excuse couldn’t fool Xie Lian, because he leans in with a frown, trying to examine Hua Cheng through the other side of the screen.
“That doesn’t look like a ‘minor set back’ tired. That looks like a ‘worked too hard and got sick’ kind of tired. You haven’t even teased me when I told you you didn’t look so good.”
Shit! Shit shit shit! He was too right! Maybe Hua Cheng was that tired?
No. He couldn’t admit that now! Admitting it meant taking a step back, meant having to rest, meant losing the precious time he has left.
He can’t afford it.
“Ah, this San Lang’s been caught!” Hua Cheng jokes with an awkward laugh, combing his hair out of his face. “But gege, I’m alright really, I just need a few m—”
“San Lang! What happened to your hand?!?”
Fuck! He was messing up spectacularly today! Not only was he injuring himself and bleeding all over the gift he was preparing, now he’d used said hand to brush back his hair. He’d shown his bandaged hand to Xie Lian without even realizing!
“It’s nothing gege, just a small cut.”
“That doesn’t look like a small cut!”
Hua Cheng gulps.
“It was an accident. I made a wrong move while I worked. I took care of it, nothing to worry about, I promise!”
“Nothing to worry about?!” Xie Lian exclaims with, well… not outrage, but definitely shock and disbelief. “San Lang, in all the years I’ve known you, I’ve never seen you so tired when working on a project that you would hurt yourself so badly because of a ‘wrong move’! This—”
He points at where he thinks Hua Cheng’s hand is, not seeing it through the screen anymore.
“This looks serious. I am most definitely worried now.”
Xie Lian stands up from the bed he was sitting on, fussing around, starting to grab some things around. Hua Cheng’s heart sinks down into his stomach as he watches in dismay.
“Gege? What are you doing?” he calls out with panic.
Xie Lian doesn’t even look at the camera as he answers. “Coming home, that’s what! I’ve let it go too many times before I went away. I’ve seen how tired you became each day. I gave you some leeway, thinking you would rest. But you’re obviously not going to take better care of yourself, so I’m understanding the message that I need to be there.”
Oh no. Oh no no no no no! That was bad! That was so bad! Hua Cheng couldn’t let Xie Lian do that! He had work! He was needed back there! It was an opportunity Xie Lian had looked forward to for a long time!
If Xie Lian returned home because of him, Hua Cheng would never forgive himself!
Besides, Xie Lian being away was part of the plan. It was of great importance if Hua Cheng wanted to be able to finish his project.
As much as Hua Cheng misses his friend, everything points to Xie Lian having to stay where he is for the time being.
“Gege, gege, stop! Please!” Hua Cheng says with urgency.
That seems to catch Xie Lian’s attention enough for him to poke his head into the camera’s view. He stares at Hua Cheng with a raised eyebrow, in a way that says he’ll hear him out, but probably not listen.
“Gege, if you come back, what happens to your job? You’ve worked so hard for this, you were so looking forward to this opportunity!”
“There will be others, San Lang. You are just as important!”
Those words hit right through him, and his heart comes to a stop for a second, before it does some somersaults. Hua Cheng almost feels like he wants to cry.
“What about Shi Qingxuan, then? Don’t they need you?”
“They can handle it. You, on the other hand, don’t seem like you can.”
Ouch… That is definitely a low blow.
Not that Hua Cheng doesn’t deserve it.
“Okay, okay, how about this, then? Tomorrow, I’ll simply go to my classes. I won’t go work at the studio and I’ll head straight back home instead,” he negotiates, hoping it would work.
That gives Xie Lian pause. He purses his lips, chewing at the bottom one as he debates the options.
“Do you really need to go to class?”
“I won’t go if I really don’t feel good. I’ll stay home.”
“You promise?” he asks, voice full of doubts. Not that Hua Cheng could blame him. “And you’ll make sure to rest.”
Hua Cheng gulps, slowly nodding.
Xie Lian narrows his eyes, carefully watching him, before he sighs and puts his things back on the bed. “Alright, fine. But if I call tomorrow and I’m not satisfied with what I see, I’m coming back. Am I making myself clear?”
“Crystal,” Hua Cheng answers, back straightening.
It doesn’t completely soothe Xie Lian, but it’s enough that he sits back down, and they can converse for a while longer about other things. Hua Cheng asks about his day, listening with as much attention as he can manage. It’s clear Xie Lian sees through him, however, and he cuts their conversation short, wanting Hua Cheng to go to sleep.
The call ends, leaving Hua Cheng in deafening silence, listening to his heart thundering in his chest. It had been a close call. He would have to be more careful if he wanted his best friend’s suspicions to settle down.
When he goes to bed that night, early enough to get as much rest as he can, his sleep is fitful, plagued with nightmares, coughing and insomnia.