Archive of Our Own

Despite the occasional issue with his memory bank over the years he’s been alive, the day Lloyd had been deemed the Green Ninja is still crystal clear in Zane’s memory. Of course, that’s to be expected—for all of them, it was a turning point, the moment that changed the course of their lives more than they’d ever expected. But it was years ago, and recollections fade over time; Zane suspects that, besides him and his nindroid mind, Kai is the only one besides the Green Ninja themself who still fully recalls it (Wu, too, must remember as well, but for different reasons, which Zane would rather not think about). 

Which is where Zane found himself now, staring off distantly into the cityscape of New Ninjago City as his mind dwelled on the memory once more. He’s been thinking about the past a lot recently, hasn’t he. And he knew why, he’s known since he stayed up all night after they’d gotten to the hotel those months ago. 

The nindroid sighed, watching as the setting sun ducked beneath the horizon, silhouetting the buildings in a warm, beautiful, golden glow as if Ninjago itself were the source of the light. 

…Golden, Zane’s mind echoed. Another sigh escaped his lips. 

Golden, like bits of their armor and gi. 

Golden, like the four elemental weapons lighting up around Lloyd, the child with the pale golden hair. 

Golden, like the Golden Ninja, like the Golden Power and the Golden Overlord and it had all been gold, hadn’t it, no amount of scrubbing could leave out that detail, and it was gold that killed him—

And even without any power, Lloyd is mere rooms away, still blazing gold. 

…

Zane is starting to not like the path that his thoughts are taking him on today, he’s decided. His fingers thrum against the railing, metal against metal creating a soft echo that only his ears could pick up. 

He does not blame them. He doesn’t. The Overlord was the reason for his death all those years ago, not Lloyd. All Lloyd had been then was an unfortunate witness, just like the rest of their friends. 

They’re not a witness , a voice, icy and bitter, whispers to him. They’re an accomplice. It was their power that the Overlord used. 

“That’s a lie,” Zane muttered to nobody in particular. “It was the Overlord.”

And where did the Overlord get that power from? it responds, Not itself. It was darkness. Who was the Golden Ninja, Zane? Who gave the Overlord the means to kill you? Zane grit his teeth, shaking his head as his hands moved to instead grip the railing instead. He closed his eyes, trying to focus on anything else, think about anything else that wasn’t this. Nevertheless, the voice continued to hiss. If it hadn’t been for Lloyd, if it hadn’t been for their power, you wouldn’t have died. Lloyd is what stood between the Overlord and the Golden Overlord. It could not have done what it did if there were no “Golden Ninja” in the first place. Lloyd has no power now, but what about before? What would have happened? You would have lived, Zane Julien. You know that. 

…Zane did not want to admit that the voice had the potential to be correct in that argument, but the more he stood there, eyes shut, the more he pondered on it. It was right—right about how Lloyd losing their powers was a recent development in all of their lives—but that was not the only part he found himself agreeing with. Had Lloyd just been a normal kid, with no powers or role or anything from the start, things would have been much more different. The reason they were the Golden Ninja was on account of the Green Ninja; if they weren’t the one in the prophecy, then there would be no gold. No gold for the Overlord to siphon from them. No Golden Overlord, no him dying , no trauma, none of that. He wouldn’t have been taken apart and put back together like he was a puzzle or one of their mechs. And not just the Overlord, there would’ve been no Chen imprisoning him, no Mr. E leaving him to die, no Vex , because every damned thing that happened in his life was all because of Lloyd —

Zane suddenly snapped his head up, shaking his head with a startled beep of his systems as he forced the thoughts out of his mind. Ice formed at his fingertips, spreading across the banister of the balcony. While ice was his element, he felt deathly cold inside, spreading from his core to his mind. What was wrong with him? Why would he ever think of one of his friends like that? He recalled the hypothesis that had been burdening him that first night in the hotel room, which kept him up all night and caused him to look back and forth between his own memory bank and Lloyd. It wasn’t a matter of “he would be alive if Lloyd had no powers”, it was the definite fact that, without their powers, Lloyd would be dead . Who was he to blame them for something they couldn’t control? When they were a child , no less? 

He wasn’t supposed to be thinking like this, acting like this. His father, Dr. Julien, built him to protect others. To help the people, to save those in danger or were unable to defend themselves. He stared at his hands, blurred underneath the ice. What kind of—what did it make him if a part of him, even this small, felt hatred towards his own brother? He wasn’t built to cause harm. He didn’t want to hurt people. 

You hurt so many as the Ice Emperor, do not forget, the voice hummed, wrapping around his throat. Remember the village? The Formlings? Akita? Kataru? Lloyd? You are able to cause pain. 

“But I do not want to,” Zane growled back, voice barely a whisper. “I. Am. Zane. I am a ninja, I help people, I protect people, that is who I am .” 

Why?

“Because that is what I was born to be.”

Lloyd was born to be the Green Ninja. Lloyd quit. 

“They were stressed—”

They were a coward. And you are just the same for failing to open your eyes and see the truth. 

…The truth. Zane’s eyes lit up when he realized exactly what the voice was telling him. He didn’t want to believe it.

The voice grew louder. That child is proof that you do not have to follow Dr. Julien’s instruction. You don’t have to keep doing what you’re doing. 

But there’s nothing else. Without his purpose, without his entire damn reason for existing, what even is he? His eyes shut once more, and he leaned over the railing, his shaky grip forming cracks in the ice that covered them. 

What are you, Zane, without your purpose?

He does not know. 

What would he think of you?

He doesn’t want to think about that. His father is gone. His father, his creator, he would…

What do you think will happen, Zane? When you destroy who you are and fall just like the Green Ninja did? When you take that out, what’s left? What will you do, Zane? Who are you, really? Who are—

“LEAVE ME ALONE! ” Zane shouted with an audible echo, his hold on the balcony tightening enough to shatter parts of the sheet of ice. The voice silenced, and Zane huffed in exasperation, trying to calm himself, but the newfound quiet was quickly dissolved with another, smaller voice behind him. 

“Um…I’ll just…” The owner stumbled over their words. “…I’ll just tell the others you need space, then.” Zane’s eyes widened when his mind stabilized enough to recognize who was behind him. He whirled around, meeting their eyes as he slowed his own breathing. 

“Lloyd,” he started, struggling to pull his hands off the icy balcony railing as he spoke. He sighed in relief as he felt only sir again, and continued, clasping his hands together. “I apologize. That was not directed at you, I promise. My mind was…” He looked for the right words. “…Elsewhere.”

“No, no—” Lloyd waved their hands about. “It’s fine. I get it, trust me. I’ll go back and tell them, I’m sure Cole will be fine if you aren’t there to watch Grease —”

Zane stepped forwards, causing Lloyd to trail off. “Lloyd, it is alright. I was simply lost in thought, there is nothing for you to worry about. Okay? Plus—” He gave them a soft smile. “I do not think I want to miss movie night.” That earned a laugh from Lloyd, which melted a bit of the cold surrounding his core. 

“Good to hear,” Lloyd said, sounding reassured. As they spoke, they lifted their hands, tightening the hair tie that held one of their pigtails in place. Zane couldn’t help but look. Despite how long they’ve been living away from the monastery, he still was not used to seeing Lloyd in anything except for gi. Lloyd had always been ready for a fight, which Zane would find concerning if he wasn’t similar in that regard. The Lloyd in front of him now, struggling with their hair, wore a pair of Starfarer pajama pants and a sweater that reminded Zane of the skull one Lloyd wore when they first met. Somehow, the sight was comforting to the nindroid. 

Then Zane blinked, and for a moment, Lloyd looked different. Their eyes were glowing purple —they never did that, even Garmadon never did that, only after Harumi resurrected him or when he was taken over by the Ov— Oh. His eyes widened, but he couldn’t look away. Lloyd’s oni markings, visible and spreading across his face like Garmadon’s. Horns protruding, claws bared as they glared at Zane like he were a target, and when he tried to avert his gaze anywhere but the other’s face, he saw that every part of them was covered in golden armor and they—

“Zane!” Lloyd gasped, sounding almost far away. Zane shook his head and looked down, seeing Lloyd—the real Lloyd—staring up at him with clear worry in their eyes. “Oh- FSM , Zane, you can hear me, you scared the hell out of me. Are you sure you don’t want to go rest instead of watching a movie?” Zane didn’t respond for nearly a minute, still recovering from… whatever vision he just witnessed, before he straightened, taking Lloyd’s hand. 

“I assure you, brother, I am okay,” Zane sighed, forcing himself to grin. “I presume I have just been stressed as of late, but it is nothing of your concern.” Lloyd opened their mouth to protest, but Zane continued. “Come, the weather is getting chilly out here. We should not make the others wait any longer, should we?” Lloyd raised a disbelieving eyebrow at the nindroid, but did not pry. 

“If you say so,” Lloyd said, defeated. “You can go to the lounge, I promised Jay I’d help him set up a tray of snacks before we started the movie.” Zane nodded, and the two walked back indoors. Zane glanced back once more at the cityscape before shutting the doors to the balcony and making his way over to the lounge. As he entered, he found himself right in the middle of an argument between Kai and Cole. He couldn’t help but listen as he leaned on the nearby wall. 

Cole was jabbing a finger at Kai. “-you seriously telling me, with complete honesty, that you think that you’re Danny? YOU? If anything, I’m Danny, you glorified stick of dynamite!” 

“ Really? ” Kai snapped back, crossing his arms. “I find that hard to believe! Who the hell am I , then, if you’re stealing my thunder?” 

“ Sandy , duh!” 

“How can you call yourself a fan of Grease if you think I’m Sandy?! Sandy is Jay! Juh- ay! J! A! Y! Not me! ” Kai whirled around to look at Zane as if he’d just noticed the nindroid had joined them. “Zane! Babe! Settle this! Which Grease character am I?” 

Zane hummed, tapping his chin. “Taking into account the intel I have gathered from the Internet and from our several viewings of the film, Rizzo seems most like you. Though I feel that if Nya were here, she would defeat you in that regard.” 

Kai threw his hands up in the air in exasperation. “Everyone’s against me!” He turned his head, spotting Jay and Lloyd coming into the lounge, each clutching a tray with snacks and refreshments. “ Jayyyy! Montyyyyyy! ” he whined, draping an arm over his head as he reclined back on the couch. “Cole and Zane are bullying me!” 

Jay snorted, setting down the drinks on the coffee table. “About what? Your haircut? That’s not new, Kai.” The lightning ninja stood back up, taking Zane’s hand and pulling him over to the couch. Zane beeped in surprise, letting Jay bring him over to the rest of their boyfriends and sitting down beside him. Kai was still sputtering indignantly. 

“I-Not that, asshole! We’re talking about Grease! Which character am I?!” 

“...Sonny?” Jay responded after a moment, tipping his head. “I haven’t seen the movie as much as Cole has, so I don’t know-”

“Not! Helpful!” Kai hissed, glaring at him. 

“Well, I think I’m Frenchie,” Lloyd cut in with a quiet laugh, putting down their own tray. “You know, ever the optimist, kind of stupid, a quitter…” 

“You are not- ” 

“Can we please settle down and watch the damn movie?!” Cole loudly interrupted, causing everybody else to quickly cease the argument with a handful of ‘Sorry, Cole’s. Zane glanced to his side while Cole and Jay set up the television, noticing Lloyd looking around for a space to sit during the movie. Before he could even offer a spot to them on the couch, Lloyd opted for the armchair, grabbing most of the blankets and curling up on it. That brought a smile to his face, but still Zane could not shake what he had seen on the balcony just minutes prior. He quickly shut those thoughts down as quick as they came; it was movie night, and the last thing Zane wanted was to burden the others with the situation he found himself in. Lloyd was already suspicious, they’d made that clear, but hopefully nothing more would come of it. 

Settling into the couch, he let out a happy sigh as he felt Jay return and rest his head on his shoulder, Cole pressing play on the remote. It’ll be fine, Zane thought to himself as the movie began, Kai and Cole singing along to the lyrics. It’s just his doubts getting to him again. He just needs to relax a bit and there’ll be no visions, no anger, no fear for him to deal with. Zane smiled, focusing on the movie and letting himself unwind. It would be alright. 

Zane found himself suddenly booting up again after being fast asleep with the others hours later, and he didn’t know why. 

Checking in with his systems, he noted that it was approximately 3:47 AM. Too early to get ready for the day, too late to sleep , he mused in annoyance, yawning. At the very least, it didn’t seem to have a concrete reason—the apartment had nothing out of place, so an auditory disturbance was out of the question, and no recollection of a nightmare or dream of any sort came to mind. Zane gently pried Jay’s arms off from around his torso and stretched his arms before looking around at the other inhabitants to ensure that they were okay, too. 

Zane first glanced down at Jay. He had to suppress a snort then, since in the time that he was stretching Jay had fallen back onto him, drool trickling out of his half-open mouth. Cute , he thought, reaching over to ruffle the boy’s hair. Jay wasn’t the heaviest sleeper of the five of them—Lloyd and Cole tied on that, depending on the day—but when he was out, he was out. Case in point: the sight in front of him right now. 

Looking to his right, on the other end of the couch, lay Cole and Kai. Cole took up most of the space, the blanket that had been draped over him bunched up by his feet. Draped across his chest was the fire ninja himself, snoring loudly as his limbs splayed out in all directions. Zane would worry about Kai accidentally rolling off onto the floor—something that’s happened in the past, thankfully with minimal injury—but he was relieved to find that Cole kept a gentle hand on Kai’s back, keeping him stable and in place. Zane chuckled, picking up his phone from the coffee table and snapping a picture before turning off the device once more. He’d show them the photo he took during breakfast in a few hours. 

At the very least, none of his boyfriends appeared to be in distress. That helped to dissipate the worries he’d had when he’d awoken. Zane stared at Cole and Kai for a moment longer before he paused. Lloyd was watching the movie with them, weren’t they? Where had they been sitting, again…? 

The soft, motor-like sound of purring from behind gave him his answer. 

Zane shifted his position once more, turning and spotting Lloyd curled up in the armchair, multiple parts of their body sticking out from underneath the blankets, which was a feat in and of itself given how many were covering them. The nindroid could see why Kai and Jay had begun to joke about how their little brother was akin to a cat, looking at them sleeping now. They purred and mrrp-ed in their slumber, hands and nose twitching every now and then. They curled in the seat of the chair, face cushioned both by the arm and the end of one of the blankets. Their hair was puffed out, horns barely visible, and their tail flicked back and forth as if they were lost in a dream and—

Zane froze. Wait. 

A tail? Horns ?

He shot up from the couch, mind torn between running to Lloyd’s side and inspecting them over from head to toe in order to figure out any of what he was seeing and staying where he was; suppressing what he’d seen on the balcony the evening prior could only last so long, and the longer he stared, the louder the danger signals in his head blared. 

Yet, he took a shaky step forwards. 

Why was he so afraid of Lloyd? Zane’s mind yelled at him as he walked towards the chair. Lloyd was not a problem! Lloyd would never hurt him or anybody else! Sure, they look so much like their father at this moment, and their claws are out, but that doesn’t mean— Lloyd’s claws curled, too similar to the shape of the Golden Armor, and Zane had to form ice against his palm to shock him out of screaming right then and there. 

Lloyd wasn’t Garmadon. Lloyd wasn’t the Omega, wasn’t Vex, wasn’t the Overlord. 

Zane hated himself for acting like they were. 

Approaching Lloyd, Zane paused, looking down at them. They mumbled unconsciously, curling up tighter as their claws dug into the cushion. Gulping, Zane took a few deep breaths, trying to steel himself before he reached out. It was fine. It was fine. It was fine. 

His hand carefully landed on Lloyd’s head of curls. The teen leaned into the touch, their purring growing louder. Zane felt his anxiety creep up, but he ignored it and ruffled their hair. They were now rumbling hard enough that Zane could feel it resonate through the length of his arm. Even with the horns so close to his metal fingers, it was more familiar, safer. 

Lloyd proceeded to yawn, fangs that could not have been there before, at least not this prominent, being bared as they did so. They stretched their arms out, claws still unsheathed. As they started to retreat back into their previous position, they blinked a few times, gaze unfocused. For a solid moment, their now all-red eyes looked at Zane. 

This time, Zane could not suppress his cry of alarm. 

He was lucky to not hear any sounds of his boyfriends snapping awake from the noise he had made behind him. Unfortunately, when his focus returned to Lloyd, the blond was staring right up at him with wide, confused eyes. 

“...Zane…?” they whispered hoarsely, rubbing their eyes. “W…What’s wrong? You look like you’ve just seen an enemy.”

As much as Zane tried to explain, let alone attempt to make an excuse , all that came out of his mouth was a weak “I-I…”, gaze continually flitting back and forth between Lloyd’s face and their tail, and their horns, and their claws—Lloyd squinted, noticing that Zane’s eyes were looking somewhere else, and raised an eyebrow. 

“What?” they asked again as they turned their head. “What’s the ma—” Lloyd then looked down to what Zane seemed to be looking at, spotting their tail flicking back and forth with anxiety. Even with their face shrouded in darkness, Zane could see their face struggling to mask absolute horror . Lloyd quickly scrambled up into a sitting position, breathing shaky. “I-Um- Oh . I didn’t know that…I didn’t think…” Lloyd trailed off, and Zane realized at that moment that they had made the connection that Zane hoped they wouldn’t. Quickly, Lloyd pulled at the blankets so that the tail was covered by them, and as they did so they noticed the claws, wincing and looking anywhere but at Zane. “Sorry,” Lloyd mumbled, voice barely above a whisper. 

Zane instantly felt a pang of regret. Lloyd didn’t have to know about his worries. They never should have found out, not like this of all scenarios. “Lloyd-” 

“It’s fine, Zane,” Lloyd responded, still not making eye contact as they spoke. “I should’ve figured it out. I’m gonna-” Lloyd paused, trying and failing for a solid fifteen seconds to sheath their claws. “-Go to the bathroom. Sorry.” Before Zane could speak, Lloyd had scrambled up from the chair, taking one of the blankets with them and wrapping it around themself as they disappeared down the hallway. He could hear the distant sound of the door shutting, and he sighed, staring at the now-empty chair of blankets. That could not have gone worse , he thought to himself, turning and trudging back over to his spot on the couch and sitting down, laying back next to Jay. 

He felt himself gradually shutting down after ten minutes of waiting unsuccessfully for Lloyd to return. Sinking into the couch, he only hoped Lloyd was okay . That they’d be alright and this wouldn’t happen again.

As he closed his eyes, the world around him dimming, he watched Lloyd walk back to the armchair, curl up, and completely cover themself with blankets. 

All things considered, Zane was surprised that he was able to get some proper rest after last night’s incident. 

He was even more surprised that he was the last one to wake up. As he opened his eyes, he noticed Jay folding the blankets next to him on the couch. Jay glanced over, expression brightening once he saw that Zane had awoken. He set down the blanket he’d folded and shuffled over to Zane, extending an arm to help him up. Gratefully, Zane took it, being pulled up into a sitting position. 

“Sleep well?” Jay asked, not letting go of Zane’s hands. Zane pondered over how to answer this question, and decided that Lloyd being involved was enough already. 

“I did,” Zane responded, stretching out his joints with a yawn. “Where are the others?” Jay pointed a thumb at the kitchen. 

“Lloyd and Kai are working on breakfast right now. I think they got up early to do that.” 

Zane tipped his head. “How much earlier before you and Cole did they get up?” he asked, hiding the concern he had towards the situation. 

Tapping his chin, Jay shrugged. “Not that long, I’m guessing. Cole woke up a bit after Kai and Lloyd did—probably because he and Kai were next to each other on the couch, but who knows, and I got up a bit after that. Lloyd and Kai were already starting to prepare stuff.” Zane hummed in understanding, opening his mouth to ask a follow-up question, but Jay appeared to get the hint before he could speak. “If you’re wondering, Cole decided to get a head start on getting ready while breakfast was being made. We have a mission today, after all.” 

“A mission?” 

Jay blinked. “You didn’t remember? Huh. Skylor called us yesterday about a bunch of disturbances by her restaurant. She thinks they might be associated with her dad? I don’t know. Anyways. We’re thinking of heading out after breakfast.” 

“Hm.” Zane stood up. “Thank you for reminding me. Shall we go meet the others in the kitchen?” 

“I’ll catch up! Let me just finish folding these blankets real quick.” Zane nodded, leaving Jay in the living room and heading for the kitchen. The moment he stepped inside, the strong smell of cinnamon overwhelmed his senses, causing him to instinctively look for the source. Kai and Lloyd were both situated by the oven, with the former leaning against the counter with a single oven mitt on his left hand and the other kneeling in front of the oven, staring at it intently as if trying to decipher it. 

“Why is Lloyd staring at the oven?” Zane asked, pulling up a chair and taking his seat at the table as he spoke. Kai blinked at the sound of Zane’s voice, turning to look at him and setting the other oven mitt on the counter before giving a small chuckle. 

“They’re-” 

“Hungry,” Lloyd interrupted, unmoving. 

Kai snorted. “Lloyd, you were just telling me as we put the trays in that you like watching food cook.” 

“Yes, but I’m also hungry.” 

“Is it not an adage that a watched pot never boils?” Zane mused thoughtfully, a smile creeping up onto his own face as the troubles of the night before began to ebb away from his mind. 

“Correction,” Lloyd huffed in annoyance. “I’m watching an oven .” As if on cue, the timer on the oven beeped, signifying that the food was ready. They pumped their fists in the air at that. “A- ha! I was right! ” Lloyd then pushed themself to their feet as Kai reached over to turn the oven off, moving out of the way of the fire ninja so that he could take out the tray and instead opting to grab plates and silverware from the cabinets. Zane, at the table, looked over at them as they walked past, hoping it wasn’t too obvious. 

Interesting, Zane thought to himself as Lloyd reached up and pulled out five plates. No horns or tail. No oni features whatsoever. He swore that what he saw last night was real , real as the look of sheer terror on Lloyd’s face when they, too, noticed. But, as he pushed his chair back to allow Lloyd to begin setting the table, it was as if it never happened. Lloyd left just as quickly, presumably to join Kai once more, and Zane noted a vital piece of information that confirmed that last night was, in fact, the truth. 

The entire time Lloyd set the table, they purposely averted their eyes away from Zane.

Zane sighed, resting his elbows on the table and leaning on his hands, staring nowhere in particular. He could only make the assumption that Lloyd had told Kai what had transpired; why else, besides breakfast, would only the two of them wake up so early? 

…Had Lloyd even fallen asleep?

Zane dreaded the potential of that thought being true. If Zane being involuntarily freaked out by Lloyd’s oni features last night was enough to scare the younger into not being able to get any rest, the guilt he felt over the whole matter would only worsen . He was snapped out of his thoughts by Cole placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. 

“Good to see you awake,” Cole hummed, leaning down and giving Zane a kiss on the cheek before pulling out his seat next to him. Zane’s face heated up, and he quietly greeted the earth ninja back. Jay joined them next, sitting on Cole’s other side and immediately starting up a conversation about him. It was something Zane personally did not understand, but was comforting to hear nonetheless. As he looked over once more, Kai and Lloyd were carrying breakfast—now identifiable as french toast, which he recalled with a slight pain of concern that that was Lloyd’s favorite foods—and took their own seats at the table. The overlapping sound of talking filled Zane’s ears, and before he too began to speak, he decided to file his worries into the back of his mind for now. Instead, he would focus on his family, on breakfast, and on whatever bit of calamity he had at this moment.

Breakfast was uneventful; he found himself wrapped up in an argument between Kai and Jay about their powers and what would be best on a deserted island (Jay insisted that lightning worked best due to its ability to power machines, Kai asserted that it’s fire and what deserted island has anything that requires electricity) and all of the problems plaguing him seemed as if they were all but forgotten. 

That is, until he was tidying up the kitchen with Lloyd following their meal and Kai approached him, playfully patting him on the back. “Once you finish wiping down the table, go and get ready for the mission. Jay and I will be in the bathroom, so the bedroom’s all yours.” Zane just stared at Kai like he had grown a second head. Kai didn’t seem to really notice, grinning at Zane. “We’ll be meeting in the foyer once everyone’s ready!” With that, the fire ninja left the room, leaving Zane standing there, clutching a rag and staring at where Kai had just been. After a minute, Zane finally moved again, cleaning off the last spot from the table and walking back towards the sink where Lloyd was in the process of washing the dishes. He set down the rag, sighing, and felt a tap on his shoulder. Looking down, he saw Lloyd staring up at him with their hands hovering over the soapy water. 

“Are you alright?” Lloyd whispered in concern, brow furrowed. Zane didn’t know how to respond to that. Lloyd wasn’t asking him about his fear over their oni traits, or about anything else; it was the same worry Zane had been feeling towards them all morning. 

“...I do not know,” Zane responded after a long, almost infinite moment. “My head is…I cannot word what is going on. Apologies.” 

Lloyd made a noise of sympathy. “That’s fine. I get that.” The two fell into silence, with Zane loitering nearby Lloyd as they got back to cleaning, the only sounds filling the kitchen being the sloshing of the sink and the ticking of the clock on the wall. Zane crossed his arms, staring at the ground and at his feet. He was not lying to Lloyd, he felt off inside and he did not know why, and he knows he should be doing something but his thoughts kept clogging his systems and—

“-Zane!” Cole called out, snapping him out of his daze. Zane looked up at the doorway, blinking in surprise, and saw that the other ninja were all standing there, dressed in their gi and holding their weapons. How much time had passed? Cole tipped his head. “Why aren’t you ready yet?” Jay nodded, looking at Cole before speaking. 

“We have to leave for the mission, remember?”

Zane was quiet, not knowing what he should say. “I…Well-” 

“Actually,” Lloyd cut in, suddenly appearing at Zane’s side while they wiped off their hands. “Zane, uh, Zane’s not going on the mission, he’s staying back with me! He promised me yesterday that he would help me out with some errands and whatnot that I needed to run. Important stuff.” They grinned, and Zane looked down at them in surprise. Kai only raised an eyebrow in disbelief. 

“...Really?” he asked, voice unsure. “This is a mission, and we need all the help we can get, and -” 

“Come on ,” Lloyd huffed, rolling their eyes. “You have Skylor, who is practically your equivalent, Kai. And besides, I think I speak for all of us when I say Zane deserves to have a break and work with me on what I have to do. It’s all good, I prommy. ” 

Between the other two ninja, Jay snickered, elbowing Kai in the side. “They said prommy! You owe me so much goddamn money, Matchstick!” Kai, in response, whacked Jay in the arm, causing the lightning master to yelp in pain and rub the injured area, which was surely now sporting a growing bruise under his gi. He turned back to Zane and Lloyd. 

“If you say so,” Kai sighed, adjusting his sword in its sheath as he spoke. “Just…call us if you need anything, okay? And if something comes up, Zane, you know where Skylor’s Noodle House is.” 

Zane simply nodded. “Do not worry. We have it under control. Stay safe on the mission.” The ninja gave him thumbs up and headed towards the door. Zane and Lloyd followed them, watching them start to leave the apartment. 

“See you later!” Cole called, already walking down the hall. There was a chorus of “we love you”s from the three ninja as Zane and Lloyd waved to them, watching them disappear. Zane closed the door, staring at the wood for a long moment before a voice piped up behind them.

“I may be a bad actor, but if Darkley’s taught me anything, it was how to be an incredible liar.” 

Zane whirled around, seeing Lloyd with their arms crossed in front of their chest, cheeks red as if they were holding in their breath. Lloyd returned the look. 

“Can you promise me you won’t freak out?” 

“...Yes?” 

Lloyd sighed, letting out a breath, and closed their eyes. In the blink of an eye, Zane was still looking at them, initially thinking that nothing had changed. When he fully focused on the younger, however, he recognized the same features from last night, save for the glowing eyes: horns, a tail swishing behind them…Zane assumed that, when Lloyd opened their mouth, he’d see some fangs as well. Lloyd didn’t wait for him to react to it, didn’t even note Zane’s shock at all. 

“The…y’know, oni stuff—” they gestured to their tail as an example as they explained. “—it’s…not new. I’ve known about it for a while, but it’s…mostly been happening while I sleep, I realized. I didn’t think anybody would notice it, and I know the others, especially Cole, still harbor…feelings towards the whole Oni thing. So I didn’t want to, you know, worry anybody, or scare them, like-like you were last night.” 

“Lloyd, I-” 

“ Zane. You don’t need to apologize. Trust me, I’m used to it. This isn’t the first time my dragoni side has been like this.” 

Zane paused. “...What do you mean, this is not the first time? I do not recall this happening before.” Lloyd went quiet at that, averting their gaze for the first time in the conversation. Instead, they beckoned Zane to follow them to the couch, waiting for Zane to take a seat before they began to speak. 

“Nobody really…knows about this,” Lloyd mumbled, pulling their knees up to their chest. “Truth be told, I didn’t even tell Kai until recently. It was just-just something between…between Nya and I.” Zane noticed their tail curling around themself, wondering if that was in a protective manner. “After-” they gulped, “After G-my dad, and-and h-and the Colossus, what it did to you guys and the Bounty, it became clear that my powers weren’t there. I think that my element was like, I don’t know, the only thing blocking my dragoni features from showing up. But, in the warehouse, after-after everything sunk in for Nya and I, and I realized what that meant for me , I just-” Lloyd took a deep breath, steeling themself. “I don’t know. I barely even remember what happened, only that my hands were claws and Nya was trying to talk to me. After you guys got back and everything was over with the Oni, it stopped, and I figured it just…wasn’t a problem anymore, so Nya swore to me that she’d never tell anybody. But the feelings still remained.” They leaned back, not moving from their curled up position nor looking up at Zane. “Those ‘feelings’ being related to my whole thing as the Green Ninja. Stuck with me until, well…you were at the Temple of Light. I guess the oni features returning was just the last thing to come back now that I’m not the master of energy anymore. Anyways, sorry for…” They gestured wildly with their hands. “You know. Dumping this on you. But I figured that you deserved some sort of explanation to make up for me freaking you out last night.” 

Zane gave himself a moment—well, not ‘a’ moment, more like a couple of moments—to process what Lloyd had just told him, before composing himself and responding. “No need to say sorry. I am just glad that you felt safe enough to tell me all of this. Especially since the only other people you say know about this are Kai and Nya. I also wanted to add that, regarding your feelings, I do understand the, ah, complicated emotions that come with the role you have been assigned.” 

Lloyd only smiled with sympathy at him. “I know.” Zane blinked at them in bewilderment, but instead of Lloyd elaborating, they clapped their hands together and leapt up from the couch. “Al- right! ” they said with their familiar cheerfulness having returned to their voice. “Now that that’s cleared up, it’s time for both of us to get ready for what I have planned!” 

Zane got to his feet, staring at them. “Errands?” 

“ Nope! ” they chirped with the exact same tone in their voice. “I told you, that was a lie!” 

“Then…what is it that you have ‘planned’?” 

“You’ll see!” Lloyd began making their way to the bathroom. “Meet me in the foyer whenever you’re done! And wear something comfortable!” Without another word, Lloyd disappeared into the bathroom, humming. Zane was left standing there, eyes wide. 

“...Hm.” Zane stared at the closed door, hearing the shower turn on, and let out a breath. He might as well go and get ready himself and not just stand here like he just had before; Lloyd seemed excited for the two of them to do whatever they had planned, and he didn’t want to deprive them of that. Besides, he would be lying if he wasn’t curious. With that, the nindroid headed to the ninja’s shared bedroom and walked over to his closet. 

Comfortable clothes, the nindroid thought to himself as he opened up the doors. What would count as that for today? The fact that Lloyd hadn’t elaborated on their plans didn’t help in his decision in the slightest, but Zane had learned a thing or two from his boyfriends about what could be considered “comfortable”. Whistling, he began to search. 

Not long thereafter, Zane found himself standing in the foyer, wearing a turtleneck with one of his zip-up hoodies over it. He figured that this would be cozy enough for whatever he and Lloyd were going to be doing. Though he assumed that Lloyd would be a while, the sound of their light footsteps alerted him of their presence. Looking up, he spotted Lloyd running up to meet him. Besides the sleeveless button-up and longsleeve that they wore, Zane recognized the skirt that they had on as one of the ones Lloyd had brought home after they’d first gone to the mall with Jay and Kai. Something else caught his eye, though. 

“...Are you wearing pants under your skirt, Lloyd?” Zane asked, raising a confused eyebrow. Lloyd nodded, placing one hand on their hip and the other reaching up to tap at their forehead with their finger. 

“Mhm! Just in case I need to get the skirt out of the way,” they said confidently, earning a small laugh from the ice ninja. “You ready?” Zane nodded at that. “Okay! Let’s head out, then!” 

“So, Lloyd,” Zane began, “Are you going to tell me where we are headed now?” The teen walking next to him on the sidewalk shook their head, grinning. 

“You’ll see when we get there, like I’ve been saying! It shouldn’t be long until we arrive,” they hummed in response.

“Can you at least…elaborate a bit? If you can.” 

Lloyd tapped their chin. “I can probably tell you about it without, you know, revealing it. If you want, of course.” 

“Go ahead.” 

Lloyd thought for a moment before starting to speak. “Well, this place was recommended to me by Nya after the whole, you know…” They gestured with their hands in front of them. “...after the battle with Omega and the rest of the oni. Nya knew more than anybody else that I really needed something to help deal with my stress and trauma and whatnot. So she brought me to the same place that we’re walking to now. She actually started going because Ronin-” 

“ Ronin? ” 

“Yes, Ronin. I don’t really…remember exactly when she started going—she was kind of vague about that when I asked—but it was like…after that whole celebrity thing with us, I guess? Couple months or so after the Preeminent? But…yeah. She brought me to this place, and, I don’t know, it was actually really helpful. Hadn’t really had an outlet besides talking to my brother and sister before that. Since then, I’ve been one of their regulars. Whenever I needed to while I was still the Green Ninja, I’d sneak out when Uncle Wu wasn’t paying attention or I had the time and go here. There’s always someone there to keep it open. I couldn’t for a while after…Nya, but since we moved here I’ve gotten back into a…routine, I guess? Kind of? I don’t have a set day for when I go.” 

Zane listened with great interest. “It is nice how Nya found it through Ronin during a time of stress, and she extended the same to you. I am wondering, though, is your therapist aware of this place, too?” 

Lloyd suppressed a snort. “ Yes, Zane, Dr. Pallas is aware,” they said, shoving their hands into the pockets of their skirt. “Probably the first thing I was even able to say to him. ‘What do you do to relieve stress?’ is what he asked. First time I had an answer for him. He was familiar with it, said it was a great idea, liked that I was a regular and that Nya recommended it, et cetera, et cetera. But I’m getting off topic. Thing is…” Lloyd looked away, suddenly sounding less excited and more nervous. “I could tell you haven’t really been…that you’ve been off, lately. Yesterday on the balcony just confirmed it for me. I don’t exactly know what’s bothering you, but I figured that now was as good of a time as any to extend my hand out to you and bring you to the same place that helped me when I was in a really bad spot.” They looked up at Zane, giving their signature crooked smile. Zane returned it after a second of badly-disguised surprise. 

“That is incredibly generous of you, Lloyd,” he said, reaching over and ruffling their hair, eliciting a soft laugh from them. “Thank you for bringing me to…wherever this is. I have to say, if it was able to help both you and Nya, perhaps it would be of good service to me as well.” 

“M- hm! ” Lloyd hummed, leaning against Zane. They were then interrupted by the sound of a beep coming from Lloyd’s phone, causing them to extend a hand in front of Zane, bringing the nindroid to a halt. He blinked down at them in surprise, but only got a smile from them. “We’re here!”

Zane cocked his head to the side. “You need a GPS to get here? I thought you said you were a regular.” 

“I try to keep my head low when I’m in public, Zane. You never know who’ll recognize me.”

“That does not—” 

“Shush. Now, c’mon!” Lloyd took his hand, dragging him towards a building just up ahead. Zane could barely catch the sign with the name of the establishment—did that say Circuit Break? —before Lloyd pushed the door open, pulling him inside as the bell by the entrance rang, alerting whoever was inside to their presence. 

As the door shut behind them, the person at the front desk barely glanced up as they started to speak. “Welcome to Circuit Break , where y—” They trailed off, looking at Lloyd, before a wide smile spread across their face. Placing both hands on the counter, they vaulted themselves over it, landing a short distance away from the two. 

“ Lloyd! My most loyal patron! How the hell are you? It’s been weeks!” 

Zane glanced between the two of them, perplexed. Lloyd just waved at them. “Hi, Sascha,” they greeted, “Sorry, I’ve been busy. I’d love to catch up, but do you think you can give us a private room? For two this time, both Zane and I.” Sascha blinked, as if only just realizing the much taller man standing next to Lloyd. He turned to Zane, eyes widening, and took Zane’s hand, shaking it. 

“It is such a pleasure to meet you, Zane Julien! I’m the owner of this fine establishment.” he said, excitement clear in his voice. 

“Just ‘Zane’ is fine,” he responded after a moment, shaking Sascha’s hand back. “What is this place, anyways? Lloyd refrained from giving me any sort of detail.” 

Sascha let go, grabbing two sets of safety goggles and gear from behind the counter before beckoning them to follow him. “I’ll explain on the way.” The three began to make their way down the hall as Sascha turned to them, walking backwards as he talked. 

“It’s called ‘smash therapy’,” Sascha began, tossing the two their sets of safety gear. “Self-explanatory. You want to relieve stress? Let out emotions you can’t otherwise? You come here, rent a room, then you just-” He pummeled his fists in front of him. “-you know?” 

“...I do not,” Zane said, and felt a tap on his arm. Lloyd was looking at him sheepishly. 

“It’s rooms where you can break stuff,” they clarified with a wave of their hands. “However you want, privately.” 

“Hm!” Zane tapped his chin. “Intriguing.” The group stopped in front of the door, and Sascha stuck a key into the lock, unlocking it before he stepped back. 

“Here we are. Just return the gear to me whenever you’re done. Room’s soundproof, you know the drill, Lloyd. See you!” Sascha disappeared down the hall, and Zane and Lloyd walked into the room, closing the door behind them and donning the gear that they were given. 

Zane took a look around the room. Tables, a couple varied tools hanging on the wall, and more items cluttered about than he’s seen in one place before. It reminded him a bit of the Scrap n’ Junk that the Walkers ran, but condensed into a room with more space to move around. It was then that he realized that, even with Sascha’s explanation, he…didn’t know what to do now that they were here. With a sigh, he turned to Lloyd. 

“Ah…Lloyd?” he asked, almost hesitantly, though he did not understand why. Lloyd looked over at the nindroid. 

“What’s up?” 

“I am still…you know, new to all of this. What does one do in these…‘smash therapy’ rooms?” He punctuated his words with a nervous shrug. Lloyd immediately perked up at that. 

“I can give you an example, if you’re okay with that!” they replied as they adjusted the safety goggles on their face. Zane gave them a quick nod, and Lloyd grinned, making their way over to where the tools were. He watched with great curiosity as they gave the tools a once-over before picking up a sizable sledgehammer that took up nearly half of their height. Swinging it over their shoulder, they walked over to where the small central table was. An old-fashioned television was already set upon it. 

“Alright, so, with smash therapy, you really want to channel your emotions,” Lloyd began, gripping the hammer and putting it in front of them. “Think about something that makes you feel something deep inside—whether that be anger, or grief, or misery, or anything of the sort—and you put that all into your momentum. For instance, I was talking with Dr. Pallas at my last session, and we were focusing on stuff I’ve experienced that I had a delayed reaction to, whether it be due to repression or me forcing myself to ignore it. And, well, we got onto the topic of Pythor , that goddamned snake —” Zane watched as their grip on the sledgehammer’s hilt visibly tightened. “—and I was saying , at the time that all of that shit with the Serpentine and my dad and the Great Devourer or whatever happened, I didn’t really realize what was wrong, because my brain was just honed in on you guys and being evil , and then any thoughts I would’ve had about it were shoved even deeper by me becoming the Green Ninja. But we were just-we were talking about Pythor, and I realized how fucking fucked up it was, and how fucked up my relationship with him was, and how he basically groomed me and made me think he was my friend and he acted like he was helping me and then he imprisoned me and he left me to die and I would’ve died if it hadn’t been for Kai, and that I had to keep seeing him and dealing with him after the Tournament and during the Day of the Departed and that I was only nine fucking years old and he treated me like that , and how much worse it could’ve been and how horrible reality was then, and realizing all of this just made me feel—feel——” Lloyd proceeded to let out  furious screech, almost sounding animalistic , and picked up the sledgehammer, swinging it around and towards the TV, the hit not only causing the screen to shatter on impact, but also resulting in it being swept right off the table, slamming into the nearby wall with a crash and ricocheting off of it onto the concrete ground. Lloyd huffed, leaning on the hammer after setting it back on the ground. After a minute, they appeared to wipe sweat off of their face before turning around with that same signature Lloyd grin back on their face. “...And that’s how you do it!” 

Zane stared at them with wide eyes. First Master, what the hell was that? he thought as Lloyd leaned the hammer back on the nearby wall. He knew that Lloyd had a lot of pent-up emotion, but he had no clue they still had this much strength after losing their element. Of all of their friends, Lloyd was the least susceptible to rage; the only time he remembers Lloyd being truly mad was at Garmadon after Cole had fallen into the Oni cloud, and Garmadon had brushed off their feelings like it had been nothing. Seeing this from Lloyd was new to him. 

Well, he supposed Lloyd was a regular to this establishment, so this wasn’t something that had recently developed. He didn’t know if he should…ask Lloyd about what they’d said, and decided then to deal with that particular issue later. 

“I see,” he said, nodding. “I believe I know what I am to do now.” 

“Great! Let me get you a sledgehammer real quick.” Lloyd walked over to the table once more, grabbing a slightly larger hammer and carrying it over to Zane, stumbling a bit under the weight of it. They passed it over to Zane, who took it and swung it around experimentally, getting a feel for it. “Do you want me to set some stuff up on the table for you as well?” they asked, and Zane gave them a thumbs up with his free hand. Lloyd walked over to the pile of objects, opting to scoop up as many vases as they could in their arms and carrying them back over to the table, setting them up in a line and throwing some other, smaller objects around them for good measure. “Alright. Whenever you’re ready.” 

“...Lloyd?” 

Lloyd, who had started to walk back towards the wall, paused and turned back around. “Yeah, Zane?” 

“Do you promise not to tell the others anything that I say here? Including Pixal?” he asked, voice a bit quieter than it normally would have been. 

“Only if you don’t tell ‘em what I say here, either.” 

“Of course.” 

“Then of course I’ll keep it to myself. I would’ve kept my mouth shut anyways, but…Kai gets very overprotective when I talk about…what I said before. You know what he’s like. Anyways, just…say and do what’s on your mind. I’m rooting for you.”  

“Mm.” Zane took a deep breath and stepped up to the table, gripping the hammer tightly. He could do this. He could do this. In this room, he was able to let out everything that had held him down for all this time. 

“I was built to be a protector, Lloyd,” he muttered softly, “That is what my father told me when I first woke up. You know that. And yet, I hurt people. I hurt people as the Ice Emperor, I hurt you , and even then I do not know if that was my hands or Vex playing puppeteer with me. But I never-never thought about it. Being the Ice Ninja, Titanium Ninja, whatever you want to call it, that always came first. No matter what. ” He took a solid step forward. “But why is that? Why was I never given a choice? Why is it that I was made for something the moment I was born? Is it because I am a nindroid? Is it because my father had some sort of destiny he wrote in code for me?!” 

“I get that,” Lloyd called from behind him, sitting against the wall. “Destiny fuckin’ sucks. ” 

“ Exactly! You, Lloyd, you are the only one who understands! I do not hate being a ninja, I do not hate the people, I do not hate our friends, I never have! But why is it that I could never choose?! I want to do something that is not dictated by Dr. Julien’s code! ” With a quick swing of the hammer, the vase on the far left shattered into tiny ceramic pieces. Zane began to circle the table, focused only on the table and nothing else. “I should be able to decide what happens to me! I am my own person! I should not have anyone else deciding my fate but me! Not my father-” Smash. “-not the Overlord -” Smash. “-Not Chen, or Vex- ” Smash. Smash. “And not Master Wu!” Yet another vase, crushed into dust, fell to the ground. “Nobody told me I could choose! Everybody had a plan for me! I had to be the Ice Ninja, I had to be a protector for those who could not do so themselves, yet-” Zane grit his teeth, sending the last vase careening off the table. “And yet you ran from destiny! You let go of the power, you let go of the fate your grandfather and your father and your mother and your uncle gave you, you threw away the gi, and yet you are still here! Where does that— fucking —leave me?! ” Raising the sledgehammer far above his head, Zane brought it down on the table, breaking it in two and sending splinters of wood all across the room. He huffed, staring at the remains of the table as his hands, trembling, still held firm to the hammer. His chest felt tight all of the sudden, and he let out a breath, unmoving for what felt like eons before he remembered that he was not the only inhabitant of the room. Oh, FSM.  

Zane whirled around, locking eyes with Lloyd, who stared right back with a wide-eyed, shocked expression. Well, to Zane, it looked to be shock. Who knows what Lloyd was actually feeling in that moment; they were always good at concealing their true emotions. But he couldn’t stand there and dwell over that right now. Dropping the hammer to the ground, Zane rushed over, kneeling in front of them with his hands out. “Lloyd, I-” he started, fumbling for the right words to say. “Lloyd, I am so sorry, I did not mean-” Lloyd held out a hand to stop him before he could even finish talking. 

“It’s alright,” Lloyd breathed, a slight shakiness to their voice. “I know you meant it. You don’t have to lie.” 

“But-”

“ Zane. It’s okay,” they repeated, looking away as they pushed themselves up to their feet. “I needed to hear that. C’mon. I think we’re done here. I’m gonna…go return the gear to Sascha. Feel free to join me whenever you’re ready to leave.” Not waiting for an answer, Lloyd turned on their heel, opening the door that led to the hallway and disappearing behind it with a click. Zane stared at the door, his core—his heart —feeling like it was beating right out of his chest as he regained his bearings. He didn’t mean for Lloyd to hear that. Lloyd never should have had to witness what he’d said in his rage; sure, the feelings Zane felt were real, but he never wanted Lloyd to know about them. He would never admit out loud how upset he was, especially when Lloyd voiced their fears the day after they’d left that they earnestly believed that the ninja all hated them for what they had done. 

And now, Lloyd probably thinks that Zane did hate them for their choice. 

Letting out a sigh, he tugged off the safety goggles and the other protective gear and made his way back up to the lobby. He passed the gear back over to Sascha, who took it with a smile that almost completely hid the concern painted all over his face. When Zane looked around the room, however, it was empty. No sign of Lloyd anywhere . Immediately, the nindroid began to panic; had something happened to them? Had they gone missing? Gotten hurt? Oh, First Master, Kai’ll kill him—

His phone buzzed in his pocket. Blinking, he took it out, seeing just a few notifications on the screen: texts from Lloyd. Giving Sascha a quick thanks, he rushed out the door, leaning on the nearby wall before opening up the message. 

dragonpunk [17:32]: meet me at the apartment. 

dragonpunk [17:32]: on the roof. i’ll be there. 

dragonpunk [17:33]: take your time 

Zane felt another pang of worry. Lloyd’s messages tended to have the most energy out of the five of them, even more than Jay , and yet these texts had… none of that. It didn’t help that Lloyd hadn’t told him to find them in the living room, or at some other known location, they’d told Zane to go to the roof of all places. But just standing here and winding himself up over the possibilities of how he would find them was only wasting time. He might as well give them a heads up. 

absolutezero [17:36]: I am on my way. 

He received zero response in return from them, which was to be expected. Shoving his phone back in his pocket, he began the trek back towards the apartment complex. 

By the time Zane reached their apartment building, the sun was just beginning to sink below the horizon. He hadn’t even realized how long the two of them had been out; they had left sometime after noon, and stopped for lunch on the way, but it still came as a surprise to him. As he approached, he remembered that he had no clue as to whether the rest of the ninja had returned from their mission from Skylor yet. He considered going to the apartment and climbing up that way, but it was then that he recalled his and Lloyd’s promises to one another: to not tell the others. Scanning the building, he spotted a ladder by the fire escapes, and made his way over, grabbing onto the rungs and climbing up. 

As he hauled himself up onto the roof, he scanned the area. It seemed to be completely empty, save for the generator and a satellite. However, once he looked around a second time, he spotted a familiar figure on the opposite end, their back to him with their legs dangling over the edge. Though he hesitated, Zane shook away any feelings holding him back at the moment, cautiously walking over to their side. 

“Careful,” Zane said quietly as he approached Lloyd. “Do not sit so close to the edge. You risk falling.” Lloyd gave no reply at first, the only sign that they’d even heard Zane being them suddenly reaching up and hastily wiping at their face with their sleeve before looking back up, though they didn’t turn around. Frowning, Zane sat next to them, close enough so they could interact but far enough that he was giving the younger enough personal space. His spot allowed him to get a better look at Lloyd’s current state. 

Not much seemed to have changed since he’d last seen them. They were wearing the same outfit they wore to their outing, skirt and all, but this time was missing the coat they’d had on on the way there. A gust of wind blew the two of them suddenly, and while Zane was unaffected, Lloyd visibly shivered. He felt a pang in his heart and immediately moved to unzip his own hoodie, pulling it off and draping it around Lloyd’s shoulders. Lloyd jolted at the action, but seemed to calm quickly with a barely audible “thanks”. It was then that Zane realized that Lloyd had their arms wrapped around something. Leaning forwards a little bit, he recognized what was in their arms. Their stuffed dragon. Their face was partially hidden in it, obscuring everything besides their eyes, which looked to be watery, as if they had just been crying. Zane didn’t know what he should even say to Lloyd, but to his surprise, the other spoke first. 

“Sorry for running off like that,” they mumbled hoarsely, hugging the dragon tighter to their chest. Zane reached over to pat them on the shoulder in reassurance but quickly retracted his hand. He wasn’t sure if Lloyd would welcome the touch at the moment. 

“It is not an issue,” Zane responded after a moment. “I can understand why you needed space.” 

“Hm.” 

Silence filled the space between the two again. Zane looked up, seeing the sun dipping below the skyline, enveloping the buildings in an orange-yellow glow. Not averting his gaze, he began to speak once more. “About what I said in the smash therapy room—”

“ Zane, ” Lloyd interrupted, a hint of an edge to their voice. “I told you, it’s fine. I deserved to hear someone say that.” 

“Lloyd, it is not fine. I do not want you to believe that I hate you.” 

“You were clearly upset over what I did. You’re completely justified in feeling that way.”

“I…” Zane looked down at the street below. “I am not mad at you. I promise.” 

Lloyd fidgeted with one of the wings of the dragon between two of their fingers. “Where’d that rage come from, then?” they whispered wearily. 

“It was not towards you. I am more upset over the future, and…towards myself, as well.” 

“What do you mean?” Lloyd asked, looking up at Zane for the first time since the ice ninja had arrived on the roof. 

“...” Zane sighed. He might as well tell them the whole truth. “The night the five of us arrived at the hotel, there were some…issues with the rest of us sleeping. It was obvious from the start that Kai did not rest once that night, but he was not the only one. I was…struggling as well. I will admit, it did pertain to you.” Lloyd didn’t say anything at that, but their focus was completely on the nindroid now. Zane continued. “No matter how many times I attempted to shut off for the night, all I was able to think about was what might happen to you. Without your powers, I mean. It was…I kept circling through every villain we had ever dealt with in the past and whether you could survive those events without your element. It was…debatable, to say the least. But, at the very least, against your father, or against the Overlord…”

“The answer was no,” Lloyd mumbled softly. Zane gave them a nod, then looked down at his hands. 

“That was not all that happened. I was lying when I said nothing was the matter on the balcony last night. I found myself pondering over the Overlord, and by extension, you. I was thinking about you, powerless, yet again, and, if you had no powers, if there was no golden power…” The nindroid’s voice lowered down to barely a whisper. “Would I not have died? Would I not have become…this?” He quickly kept talking, not wanting Lloyd to get the wrong idea about what he meant. “Of course, I quickly shut down these thoughts. If-If that were true, you would not be with us. I scolded myself for even considering that possibility, because I was not created to hurt others. I was created to protect.” He leaned back, closing his eyes as he let out a breath. He felt a hand on his arm, gentle, just barely brushing against his sleeve. Looking over, he saw Lloyd, staring directly into his eyes with an expression full of sympathy and understanding. 

“That was why you got so upset back at smash therapy,” they said, voice sounding mellow, sad almost. “All this, especially with my choice to stop being the Green Ninja, it resulted in you reevaluating everything.”

“That is correct,” Zane responded after an almost infinite silence. “My…My entire life —its purpose—the whole reason why Dr. Julien brought me into existence, all of it was curated for others. For the world.” 

“As was mine,” Lloyd added, readjusting their hold on the dragon and resting their chin on it. 

Zane rubbed his thumb on the opposite palm, letting out a shaky sigh. “I agree, but only partly so. I do not think we are the same. At the very least, when you look at it from an outward lense. You were the Green Ninja because of destiny. Because of a prophecy your family knew about from the moment you were born. But that destiny did not show up in your life for nearly a decade, the only effect it had on your life then being implicit—” 

“‘Implicit’?” 

“Misako leaving you in order to chase the prophecy and research it to its full extent,” Zane clarified. 

“Oh, right,” Lloyd said, nodding. “Go on.” 

“—Anyways. Your burden as savior of Ninjago did not truly begin to weigh upon your shoulders until the golden weapons lit up, I think. At least from my perspective, that seems to be the case. But me? That ‘destiny’ of mine was no destiny, it was why my father built me in the first place. To quote him, ‘You were built to protect those who cannot protect themselves’. And that is what I was made for, that is what is ingrained in my code. If I am not doing what Dr. Julien entrusted me to do, if I am not helping, protecting, serving the people, I do not see what I am, do you understand that?” 

Lloyd was quiet for a moment, pulling their knees off the ledge and folding them up to their chest. “...I do. I can’t understand all of what you’re feeling, I mean—that’s obvious—but in some aspects, I do get it. Being burdened by a title forced upon you before you were able to choose for yourself, that hurts. It drowns you, suffocates you, but you think you can’t do anything about it because that would be abandoning your role and everyone who relies on you. I think you know by now that I’m the only other person who can empathize with being in your shoes. You saw what it did to me, and now I’m seeing what it’s doing to you. But I’m getting off topic. What I mean is—what you said about perspective, I think shifting yours could prove to be helpful.”

That wasn’t something Zane expected to hear. Turning his body fully to face Lloyd, his eyes lit up a bit in what felt like a mix of confusion and interest. He tapped his chin. “...Hm. Explain.” Lloyd straightened up, untangling their arms from the plushie and holding it out to Zane. Almost instinctively, the ice ninja mimicked how Lloyd had been grasping it just a minute before, his arms around its torso with his chin resting atop its head. 

“Well,” Lloyd began, gesturing a bit with their hands as they spoke. “Let’s say that all of this is set in stone, that you’re a protector at heart, which, you know, I believe, and I’m sure the others believe as well. But if this whole…experience over the past couple months has taught me anything, it’s that, well—” Lloyd bit their lip. “—let me reword this. You can be a protector without saving the world. You don’t need to believe that all you’re good for is holding all of Ninjago on your shoulders, let alone equating protecting with fighting. I think that, even if all you’re doing as a ‘protector’ like Dr. Julien said involves, say, keeping me out of danger like usual or helping out Pixal and Borg with New Ninjago City’s security system, that would be enough. For me, for you, for all of us.” Lloyd reached out, putting both of their hands on top of the nindroid’s. “And, Zane?” 

Zane, who had been staring off at the sky, the orange-pinks beginning to shift into a dark blue speckled with countless stars, finally turned to look back at Lloyd. Ice crystals were rapidly forming at the corners of his eyes, but he made no motion to wipe them away. “...?” 

“Even if you decide to quit being a ninja, like-like I did, that wouldn’t render you null and void. Just your presence alone protects. You protect simply by existing and being who you are. And you definitely aren’t selfish by lessening your burden. I think that, if Dr. Julien was here now, and you faced him and told him what you’ve told me, that you wanted to stop fighting, he would still be happy. Sure, he built you for a purpose, but that doesn’t mean that he’d fault you or be mad if you decided to pursue a different path. You’re not just ‘the ice ninja’ or any other role you’ve been given throughout your life. You’re your own person, Zane. And I love you for that. Just know that-that all of us are here, whatever you end up deciding. If anything.” 

Zane opened his mouth to say something, but instead, a noise emerged from his throat more akin to a sob. Before he knew it, Lloyd was wrapping their arms tightly around him, pulling him into a hug. Zane immediately leaned into it, enveloping their smaller frame in his own arms as he shook. Lloyd said nothing, a hand placed gently on Zane’s back in a silent attempt at comfort. After what felt like an eternity of the two sitting there in each other's embrace on the roof, Zane spoke. “ Thank you, ” he whispered, voice cracking. Lloyd just hummed back in response. They sat there for a few more moments before Lloyd let go of him. 

“Now that that’s cleared up-” Lloyd got to their feet, smiling as they extended a hand to Zane. “-I don’t think the others will be getting back until tomorrow. How about we watch a movie? You decide.” Zane returned the grin, taking their hand gratefully and stumbling to his feet. 

“ I decide, hm? Anything?” he asked with a raised eyebrow, still holding Lloyd’s dragon plushie as they started to walk back towards the stairwell. 

“Course. You deserve it. Pick your favorite.” 

Zane tipped his head, opening the door for Lloyd before following them down. “That is difficult. I do have quite a few favorites. The Iron Giant , Wall•E , Rise of the Guardians …” 

Lloyd let out a laugh. “We can watch all of them if you want. Have a movie marathon. After all, it's your choice.” Zane felt his core melt as if it had just been covered by a layer of ice, a warm feeling spreading throughout his chest as the smile on his face widened. 

That is correct, Zane thought to himself as they returned to the apartment. It is my choice.