Chapter Text
Christmas Eve, it had been snowing all week and had no plan of stopping anytime soon. They do this every year, for this particular season, someone offering their home for a two day party with cheer and togetherness. Anti always watched from his own world, on his many screens at how happy they were without him. Watched their own traditions of opening presents on the Eve and enjoying them the morning of, how they watched movies and sang together in the past. Telling himself he was better off without them, his own celebration alone was far better than any bang they could blow. But it really was not, even if the raw and honest truth was that it hurt.
So to Anti's utter surprise on the inside though emotionless expression on the outside he accepted the invitation from the doctor, Henrik, as it was his turn this year to host. He acted uninterested and calm about it, appearing aloof and give the false hope he would ditch their party. But Anti had always been full of surprises.
He was told a week in advance, giving him time to think if he really wanted to go, and if presents were even necessary from him, they never sent him anything in the past nor did he think they would now. They knew he was against materialistic items, never cared for a stoking of toys and treats or paper to rip apart, so why would it change now?
* * *
Anti stood outside the front door, on December the twenty-fourth, wearing a black hoodie and black joggers, shoes he could crunch the snow in, and nothing else. Well, he had one other item with him, two bags he had in his less dominant hand, with gifts he thought long and hard about for the others although a more frontal thought told him they did not deserve it. He could hear the noises from inside, from their laughter and loud television. He could feel the warmth from behind the metal door, he started to think if he should just turn back around and leave.
Yet, he did not.
Anti found himself reaching for the handle and finding it unlocked, pushing in slow to feel the gust of warm air hit his cold, pink face. Looking all around, no one heard him enter, no one looked his way. So he was just as silent walking in, setting his bags closer to the back of the holiday tree before shutting the door completely. He looked to be the last guest that arrived, seeing everyone else was accounted for.
"Anti? Oh, Anti! Hallo, it is nice to see you here this year. Do come in, everyone is just hanging around." Came suddenly from Henrik who had only seen Anti now, trying to keep his friendly smile even if it was clear he felt a level of fear having Anti in his home, so vulnerable. But what he did consider is how this must feel for Anti, how tense he was without even having to touch him, his heighten shoulders and straight posture said things he would never allow spill from his mouth.
Waiting for Henrik to float off again, allowing Anti to take in the house his way. Seeing his big family room as a whole now, with Marvin half dozed off on the further end of the sofa, his back facing the kitchen where drinks and snacks were being prepared.
Taking the first step in, really step in, walking around the back of the couch and glancing in the kitchen to see Henrik and Chase make holiday appetizers he knew he had no interest in, before turning his head the other way. Raising his hand and tapping Marvin on the bone of his shoulder, digging in with his taps to get him awake. And as he stir and grunt, Anti walked across from him to sit on the other far end, exact opposite of each other. He was still tense as he sat, locking eyes with Marvin when he fully woke up.
"Boring movie? It looks like a classic." Anti spoke, referring to the cartoon Henrik had on. Seeing on the entertainment center there was a stack of seasonal movies, and this one was about a group of children conjuring a snowman to life ; how fitting.
"Oh, well ..." Marvin had nothing to say about it, what was on his mind more was that Anti was here in the first place, as stiff as a frozen ice sickle. "Just getting here I take it, it is still early. Chase had been dead set on a dinner this year, they should still be working on it." And they were. Hearing the soft sighs of frustration behind him, making a smile grow hearing the struggle. Seeing that his remark made Anti glance away to the TV, seeing the side of a similar grin on him too.
And his attention was set for the movie for some solid minutes, when the movie introduced the villain again, a first for Anti, but it was enough to make the tension ease, even if it was for just a second. Eyes tearing away when a sudden loud voice appeared, though there was another set of footsteps that was close by. Jackie and Jameson, he and Anti giving a glance before Henrik called for JJ to assist him. Leaving the hero to realize, and weigh the situation.
"Hey, Marv! Another great year huh, you thinking of a new year party this time ... or ... oh," Jackie's excitement quickly drifted away when he seen Anti had came around. It was more than obvious they had an equal dislike for each other, Jackie towards Anti even. He found it distasteful that he was here at all, but that would be rude to say to Anti's face.
"It is cool you showed up, and all that." But it was just words coming out of his mouth, he did not really think it was cool. He was nervous, that Anti would start something here, knowing how powerful he was. But Jackie did not budge his glare, nor where he stood. He would never leave an ego, a friend alone with Anti if he could help it. And he knew that, having eyes bore into Anti for this encounter was something he can avoid, can change if he just left. Slow to get up from where he had been, watching as he was watched as he walked past them towards the kitchen.
Eyes of distrust fell from him and new ones set in, Chase and Henrik. They were nearly done, getting all their hard work on serving dishes and colorful bowls, portion cutlery for what is needed. Chase glanced up, seen Anti and almost jumped out of his skin.
"Oh f—" he was quickly cut off by Henrik clearing his throat, "Hi again, Anti. Having fun?" Henrik would push his way in to ease the somewhat conversation, giving Chase a way to focus without being rude. Even if Anti glanced at what they were working on, at them, and looked away. Catching the next room, Jameson setting the table. He walked around the men and through the archway to catch JJ's line of sight, he was holding plates. Giving a little smile to him, he and Anti had a past, something the others can just not understand.
"Can I help?"
Anti asked, walking to the table to see napkins had already been placed down, there was still a bit left to put together. Looking back at Jameson to see him nod, now he walked slow behind the mute ego. Giving the six chairs needed silverware and splitting the glasses between them to set down. 2 liters of soda was set up already here, the centerpiece of the table were fake holly that looked to have been taken from storage and dusted off to look new again. It was the attempt that mattered, right?
"It has been a long time, JJ. You look ..." He looked well. Smooth cheeked and bright eyed, more fit around the middle. He was fun, and he and Anti had something special that no one else even knew of. Anti smiled, winked and rubbed his hands together. And he smiled even more, watching JJ light up, as there was a funny shake of his head, bending of his fingers and an eye roll. Oh! It had been too long since they spoke like this, similar with how twins can have a shared language only they know and that logic followed for these two as well. Anti could have almost laughed, relaxed in the presence he was in.
"Anti?"
The sudden call from behind made him twist around quickly, seeing it was Chase. He tried smiling, forcing himself to even if his eyes were sad and dim. "Uh, Anti, would you like to help us with something? And Jameson too, if you want to." Chase was obvious, afraid he will say something that would set Anti off, and derail all this good but distant behavior.
"Oh, okay. Sure." Anti said after a moment, looking back at Jameson quickly before following Chase to the kitchen where he seen everyone else. Laughing and talking, glancing at him and shifting, though they tried to act like they were not bothered by his presence. Until Henrik approached him with a large bowl of rolls, they filled both his hands. It was Henrik that had been a great host, had invited Anti here to begin with, and he seemed to be one of the only ones that wanted him to feel he belonged.
"Here, set these on the table. It is time for the holiday dinner." And Anti watched the doctor turn and start handing the other egos similar items, before he turned back to the dining table to set them down. And the rest followed. That Henrik, pulling out chairs for who he wanted to sit where, as Anti got a look at the table to see it was only sweets and appetizers. Fancy crackers with different dipping for sweet and savory, nuts and rolls, pudding. It was fun, it suited the crowd.
"— And Anti, I would like to sit with you, here you are." Henrik would be on the edge, making Anti sit in between him and Chase. He sat down slow, as he was scooted closer. Glancing around to see across from him was Jackie and Marvin next to one another and JJ at the right edge of the table.
Oh how they were trying, desperately trying to stay the same. This was nothing new, just rare. What was new was Anti, as he looked down at his clear plate, the slight ugly sweater charm it had, with a green rim and a jolly face smiling at him. He thought back, back to last year at this exact time. How happy they were, and how some faked that happiness. Thinking back, knitting the night away curled up by himself, utterly isolated. And a whole year later was he at eye level with these same men, how polite but fearful they were. He was trying, was he not?
As plates were made, everyone exchanging dishes and clumping their plates with what they wanted, Anti watched how he was the only one left not to chose anything. For he was not picky or above this, this was simply not mandatory for him but he knew of hunger, felt it in everyone here. Some were starved of love, touch, victory, morality. Though they shared this meal, filling their physical hunger to forget about the rest of it. Reaching in front of him for the rolls, he ones he sat here and got one to place on his plate, look like he too could feel and enjoy what they did, what they worked on. As conversations started, how they spoke about the season in general and sharing jokes on their phones under the table. Even he was asked his opinion, by Henrik of course.
"Are you liking the party? It has been great having you here so far," Henrik glanced down at Anti's plate, and how he did not even touch it. "What would you like? Something to drink?" As he seen his cup was empty too. Pointing to a clear, bubbling soda, Anti would shrug at the suggestion and that was enough for him to pour him something to ease his own psyche more than much else. It made sense, why would Anti need any of this? But it was either this or he sat alone, and that was the last thing he wanted. "And after dinner and some washing up we will start ..." Henrik drifted from his sentence, as his eyes caught something across the table.
Jackie whispering in Marvin's ear, glancing to and away from Anti, no doubt gossiping. Even if Marvin was disinterested in all the rumors and past, it was still over their heads the closeness he and Anti had been sharing close to a year now, and they were only going to go further. Even if, Henrik's icy eyes locked onto Jackie's, "Whatever you can say to him you can say to the rest of us. No whispering at the table." With a stern undertone of his normally shrill little accent, he meant it. It was still oblivious to the doctor why everyone was treating Anti like he had something contagious, even if Henrik himself knew what Anti was, what he could do — he was trying at least.
The whispering stopped, replaced with a moment of clearing throats and back to eating. Most asked questions about each other, if they wanted to play in the snow in the morning, what holiday movie they liked the most. They did ask Anti these things too, even if he responded with half murmurs and short words, he did not ask anything about them in return.
This went on, and on. To the point that Chase had found half a spine and lumped a clump of marshmallow stuffing he made, he was proud of, onto Anti's plate. "You could try this, if you want. It is a family recipe and it is so good." And he grew a bit more spine, telling Anti it was cool to see him after so long. But Anti knew what that meant, it meant he was happy that Anti was not creating chaos, as quiet as Jameson is to his credit.
But Anti did not touch anything, other than that roll the first time, he never picked up a fork nor the cup. Waiting for this to be over, watching and trying to look as if he was not as nervous as they were.
As the men got up from the table, back to the kitchen to clear their plates and set in the sink, he and Henrik were the last to do so.
"Okay, everyone finished? Put on whatever movie you boys want! Anti, will you assist me?"
As they did just that, Anti getting up with his plate and allowing Henrik to show him the containers of everyone's leftovers to take back home, even for Anti though he knew he will not touch it again.
"I will be quick putting the plates and all that in the dishwasher, but could you label those lids for me?"
Pointing to the small white tape and sharpie, where some if the tape was put on lids but only one name was written so far. Anti could manage this, following the example of the one onto the other ones. Something about this had a peace to it, like he was not being cowered under. Though he adored that power, he wanted to adore another invite later on too. He did not want this to be his first and last party, because it hurt being left alone on Christmas. It hurt seeing everyone he knew happy without him, never thinking about him unless he allowed them to with an antic or hint that he knew, that he would always know.
Anti was brought out of his thoughts by Henrik and his awe, "Oh, Anti! Your handwriting is so straight, all I can write is uneven lines," a soft scoff to himself, showing Anti his terrible writing on his own lid. Which did prompt Anti to smile, it was nice of the doctor to keep trying, and keep trying.
Putting what was his in the fridge before tidying the other bowls in one place, he motivated Anti to follow him.
"It is time for presents! I hope you like what we all got you, Anti."
They all took the time to pick him out something? The palms of his hands stung thinking that, of course they would try and get something they all pitched in for, it would look terrible with Anti the only one empty handed. But to anyone else, it will be a surprise when he brought out what he got for the egos. Not that they were expecting anything for his first year, Anti found a new excitement in the tradition.
Anti was smiling, the kind he could not hide as he and Henrik walked in the family room where everyone else was, talking and waiting. He was happy, Anti was relaxing.