Chapter Text
Yesterday had been torture.
The Kingdom of Corona still hosted their annual Lantern Festival seven years after having found their lost princess, only now it was more of a celebration for Princess Rapunzel’s birthday than anything else. This year, Sora had invited Riku and Kairi to come with him. As with any big social event, Riku had had a ready excuse to get himself out of it, but Kairi hadn’t. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to go, exactly; she’d been hoping for an excuse to see Rapunzel again, and she’d loved the Lantern Festival last time she’d gone. It was just that this time, Sora had wanted her and Riku to come so they could meet his new girlfriend.
Spending time with her ex and his girlfriend obviously hadn't sounded like fun, but Kairi supposed it could've gone worse. Amalie at least seemed nice, Sora seemed happy with her, and with any luck, they’d both been enjoying themselves at the festival too much to notice Kairi's discomfort. Without Riku there as a buffer, Kairi had had to spend the whole day pretending not to notice little things Sora did with Amalie that he used to do with her, like the way he playfully bumped his shoulder against Amalie’s when he made a joke, or just how often he found an excuse to hold her hand.
But the worst of it had happened when Kairi had been making her way through the crowd to rejoin the couple after wishing Rapunzel a happy birthday. She’d spotted Sora nuzzling at Amalie so that his hair tickled her forehead, making her laugh. Kairi had felt as though her entire body would burst into flame right then and there; Sora used to do that with her, but only ever when they were alone together, and if that’s what he felt comfortable doing with Amalie in public, then—
Kairi’s nails had bitten into the palms of her fists as she made a sharp turn in the other direction, determined to escape the festival before Sora could spot her, but her reaction had been a second too late. Amalie must’ve seen her, because she had cheerfully called her name and waved her over.
The day had slowly deteriorated from there, though Kairi had at least managed to be polite through most of it. After all, she’d been the one to break it off with Sora two years ago, so she knew she had no right to feel any resentment toward the happy couple. That thought had helped her keep herself in check for the rest of the day. Mostly.
That night, as they’d watched the lanterns drift into the sky over the bay, their conversation back on the harbor had turned to other sights Sora and Kairi had seen on their travels, and Amalie—a local florist who’d never left her hometown—had innocently commented that she wished she could be an adventurer too. And Kairi—her control finally slipping from her after a full day of third-wheeling—had replied rather curtly that adventuring was all well and good as long as you didn’t mind giving anything up.
Fortunately, Sora had distracted Amalie from Kairi’s rudeness with some long-winded tale about his last visit to Wonderland that Kairi had barely paid attention to. When he was finally finished, Kairi had tried to excuse herself as politely as she could so she could escape to her chambers in the castle.
“Aw, are you sure?” Amalie had asked, sounding genuinely disappointed to see her go. “The band usually plays an encore after the lanterns ceremony—”
“N-no, that’s okay.” Kairi had already started backing away from their place on the wharf, forcing a smile and refusing to meet Sora’s gaze in case he had noticed the redness in her eyes or the crack in her voice. “I think I’m ready to turn in. You two enjoy the rest of your evening. Good night.”
She had managed to hold it together until she was safe in her room, where she spent the rest of the night trying and failing not to cry her eyes out. She had known seeing Sora with someone else would be difficult, of course, but she’d truly underestimated just how painful it would be. They’d been on a few missions together after their break-up and had done well enough, mainly thanks to another Guardian or two being with them, but yesterday had been something else entirely. Kairi felt like she’d broken her own heart all over again.
But today had gone a bit better, at least. She’d spent the afternoon with Rapunzel in the royal gardens, where the older Princess of Heart had kept her busy answering all sorts of questions about the goings on in other worlds. Kairi had mentally made a list of books she’d need to pick up from either Radiant Garden or Land of Departure’s libraries that would give the other princess a fuller picture of their universe and their role in it, and it’d been a nice distraction from her heartbreak. By sunset, she decided to venture outside the castle grounds. It was only then—as she walked along the wharf—that she realized she hadn’t seen Sora all day, even though he had a room at the castle, too, and she bit into her lip as she tried not to wonder if he’d even bothered to come back at all last night.
But as soon as she shoved that unwelcome thought away, she spotted his familiar figure leaning against the stone bannister overlooking the bay. For a second, she considered changing her course; if Sora had noticed her unease last night, then she’d rather just keep avoiding him if at all possible.
Unease, she thought, nearly scoffing aloud at herself. She’d just barely managed not to burst into tears right in front of him, and there was no way he hadn’t seen through her flimsy excuse about being too tired to stay for the rest of the festival.
But even if he had noticed, he was still her friend, and the way his shoulders were slumping told her that something was wrong. She couldn’t just leave him there.
Taking a deep breath to steel herself, Kairi made her way through the thinning crowd of townsfolk, taking a quick inventory of herself as she went: She hadn’t cried in hours, so her eyes shouldn’t be red anymore. Her hands weren’t shaking, the lump in her throat was gone, and heart wasn’t aching quite as much as it had been earlier. That was good. She could hold it together long enough to see what was wrong with Sora, help him, and then make some excuse to leave if—God forbid—the conversation turned to last night.
That last thought terrified her, but before she could let her fear get the better of her, she called his name. Sora’s shoulders rose slightly in surprise, and he turned to see Kairi striding toward him to lean on the bannister beside him.
“Hey,” she said, relieved that her voice sounded casual. “What are you up to?”
“Oh, uh, nothing.” He gave her a small smile, and there was a distracted look in his eye that made it clear she must have caught him deep in thought. “Where have you been all day?”
“At the castle.” She almost asked him the same question, but she decided that she didn’t want to know if he’d spent the whole day with Amalie. Sora only nodded vaguely at her reply, keeping his eyes on the bay. The sun was melting into pink and orange hues as it sank into the horizon, and Kairi let him admire the view for a moment before pressing him. “Is something wrong?”
Sora cocked his head slightly, as though not sure how to answer.
“No,” he said after a moment. “Nothing’s wrong.”
Kairi leaned forward just enough to catch the corner of his eye, and to her relief, Sora cracked a smile.
“I-I mean it,” he chuckled. “It’s fine, it’s just…” He took a breath, sobering somewhat. “Amalie and I broke up this morning.”
Kairi’s heart jolted in her chest. Whatever she’d thought was wrong, it wasn’t that. Sora and Amalie had seemed so genuinely (and almost intolerably) happy together yesterday, and the news came to Kairi as though she’d missed a step going downstairs.
“Oh, Sora, I’m… I’m sorry.”
He nodded to her as if in thanks, then shrugged. “It’s okay. I mean, it’s not like we were together that long. And anyway, I think it kind of clarified some things for both of us, so… Y’know. It just wasn’t meant to be.”
“Clarified…?” Kairi thought back to the last time she’d seen them together, and guilt gnarled in her stomach. “Wait, this isn’t because of what I said last night, is it? About what all your adventuring could cost you? Because if it is, then I think you should just give her some time. She’s never even been off-world, so dating someone who’s seen all the danger we have is obviously going to be a bit of a shock at first.”
Sora winced, obviously picking up on her guilt. “It kind of is about that, but it’s not your fault, Kairi.”
Kairi couldn’t help but doubt this as she remembered mentioning some of the more hazardous aspects of being a wielder to Amalie. Here Sora was, finally starting to move on from Kairi two years after their break-up only for her to torpedo his new relationship by running her mouth. There was a small, ugly part of her that wanted to be relieved that Sora wouldn’t be seeing the florist anymore, but deep down she knew she wanted him to be happy over anything else, even if it wasn’t with her.
“I could talk to her,” Kairi heard herself offer, desperate to make this right. “Her situation with you isn’t like mine. She’s a normal person, so there’s far less reason for any Master or Organization member or whoever to come after her. And it would probably sound better coming from me, anyway, since I’ve been on both sides of this.”
Sora had clearly been trying to interrupt her all through this, but he stopped short at her last sentence, looking puzzled. “Both sides of what?”
“The hero thing. I mean, I’m a Guardian now, but I’ve been a…” She winced, hating the word but not knowing a better term for it. “A damsel, too. She probably just doesn’t want to be used to hurt you, and…”
And I know what that’s like. She felt the faded scar across her back twinge at the thought, and she knew she didn’t have to finish the sentence aloud. It had been the whole reason she had broken up with Sora two years ago.
Kairi focused on a few ripples in the sea, not wanting to look at him after reminding him of that conversation. She tried to force all her attention on a fish that was darting about just under the water’s surface, but she couldn’t distract herself from the heat of Sora’s eyes on her.
“Maybe,” Sora finally said, and from the corner of her eye, Kairi saw him turn to face the sunset again. “But that’s not why we broke up.”
“Then what was it?”
Sora didn’t answer at first, and Kairi could tell from the way his brow furrowed that he was choosing his words carefully.
“Well… You remember when we broke up?”
Kairi fought back the urge to correct him that their break-up had hardly been mutual. She knew he was just trying to soften the fact that she had completely blind-sided him and shattered his heart that day. Of course he’d describe their break-up in a way that made her sound blameless because he never seemed to be able to blame her for anything.
Not that she was wrong for breaking things off, obviously; she knew it had been the right decision. She had known that she could either hurt him that day, or be made to destroy him yet again in the future, and she’d rather be his callous ex-girlfriend than another tool to use against him. And it didn’t matter if Sora believed she was always worth it because Kairi knew better.
Kairi suddenly realized that Sora was still waiting for her to reply, and she simply nodded, not trusting herself to keep the bitterness out of her voice. There was something apologetic in Sora’s expression when he continued:
“I told you that I’d give up adventuring if it meant I could be with you, and I meant it.”
“I know,” Kairi said, because she did. It had been a frustrating reminder that there was nothing Sora wouldn’t give up for her, and it had only strengthened her resolve to cut him off before she cost him anything else.
“And I wanted to be willing to do that for Amalie if she asked, but… But what you said last night made me realize that I’m not.”
“If she asked?” Kairi echoed. “So she hasn’t…?”
Sora shook his head. “I don’t think she would, either, but that’s not what I’m getting at. The point is that I should be willing to do that, shouldn’t I? I should always be able to put her first, but I’m not.”
“Sora…” Kairi nearly rolled her eyes at this being his cause for concern. Of course Sora would see anything short of total selflessness as some sort of moral failing on his part, even when it came to a relationship as new as his and Amalie’s. “You shouldn’t feel like you have to give up something that makes you happy just because your girlfriend might want you to. And if she’s not even asking that of you, then why would you think—”
“Because I’ve never had to think about it before.” The words burst from Sora’s lips in a rush, as if he couldn’t hold them back. “With you, I always felt it, like an instinct. I’d give up anything for you without a second thought because you mattered more than anything else.”
Mattered. The past tense settled somewhere deep in her chest like ice, though she knew she had no right to resent it. This was what she had wanted after all, for him to move on from her and start a relationship with someone that would be safer and far less complicated than anything she could give him.
“You…” She cleared her throat and tried to ignore the warning signs of another crying jag threatening to pull her under. “You can’t compare every relationship to ours, Sora. That’s not fair to Amalie or you.”
“I guess, but...” Even in the fading light of the sunset, she could see the blush rising in Sora’s cheeks. “It did make me realize something. About us, I mean.”
Kairi tried to suppress the hope that was blooming in her chest. “Sora…”
“N-no, it’s not what you—” He made an abortive move toward her hand, his own hovering over where hers rested on the stone for just a moment before he apparently thought better of it and withdrew. “Just hear me out. Please?”
Kairi bit back a sigh and nodded, though she couldn’t help but remain tense.
“It’s just that…” Sora finally said. “This whole thing with Amalie made me realize that I’m… I’m never gonna feel for anyone what I feel for you.”
The change in tense made her heart skip several beats, and suddenly the lump in her throat was back. Something of Kairi’s inner turmoil must have shown on her face, because Sora hurried to continue:
“A-and I know you don’t want to be with me. That’s fine, I get it, I promise. I’m not saying all this to try to change your mind or make you feel bad or anything. I just… I guess I just want you to know how much you mean to me.”
Kairi took a breath to steady herself, refusing to look at him. “Still?”
“Still.”
She hated the guilt in his voice, as if he’d just admitted something shameful to her. And she hated the small part of her that was relieved to hear his confession even more. She turned so that she could lean back against the banister, facing away from the sea, and tried to think of what she could possibly say. He had been so honest with her, and he clearly expected her to be angry with him—which she was, on some level. He knew perfectly well why she shouldn’t give him what they both wanted, but he’d told her all this anyway.
She swallowed another sigh, almost wishing that all their conversations could be this difficult; maybe then they’d at least like each other less.
“Sora… It’s not that I don’t want to be with you,” she said, daring herself to match his honesty. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted, really. But it wouldn't be right, not when I’ve hurt you so much in the—Sora?”
She had glanced over to him to see a look of pure shock on his face that was so genuine, she couldn’t help but laugh.
“Sora, you know this already,” she said, exasperation mingling with her amusement. “I told you the same thing when we—when I broke up with you.”
“Y-yeah, but that was years ago. I thought you would’ve moved on by now,” Sora said, chuckling a little himself. But then the corners of his lips dropped and his eyebrows rose as if in realization, and suddenly he looked mortified. “Kairi, if I’d known that, I never would’ve asked you to—I just thought you and Riku would want to meet someone if I started getting serious with them—”
Kairi gave him a small smile as she waved off his apology, embarrassed that he apparently had noticed her weird behavior yesterday. Even so, his words did lighten the weight in her chest just a little. “Sora, it’s okay. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“I really did think you didn’t want…” He vaguely gestured to himself, as though unable to finish the thought verbally. Guilt squeezed at Kairi’s heart, and she almost spoke up before Sora continued: “Especially when we didn’t get back together after…”
After the Master of Masters was defeated a year ago. Kairi remembered considering it; the post-battle euphoria was almost enough to push her old fears out of her mind, but she’d managed to hold her ground. The Seeker of Darkness hadn’t been the end, nor had the Organization, nor had the new Organization, and she was sure the Master hadn't been either. As long as she and Sora were wielders (and she a Princess of Heart), it didn’t matter how many battles they won. There would always be something or someone after them that would be all too eager to use her to destroy him. And if distancing herself from him was the only way to protect him, then so be it.
“Well, it doesn’t matter how I feel,” she said, somber at the reminder of everything that had torn them apart over and over again. A sad sort of smile crossed her lips. “I think this is just how we’re meant to be.”
“You really think so?”
She could tell from the look in his eyes that he was hoping she would take it back, but she had to be honest with him.
“Yeah,” she finally answered as gently as she could, though she knew it wouldn’t soften the blow. “I do.”