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The world slowed down and watched when Nate Jacobs was slapped and broken up with by a tearful Cassie Howard the night of Lexi Howard’s play. Specifically on the part about ‘Marta’ and ‘Hallie’ or in other words, the part about her and Maddy .
A cheer was heard from Rue, Lexi tried not to rush out and give her sister a hug, Jules wanted to knee Nate on his balls, Kat watched and Maddy—no one knew what Maddy felt.
All they knew was the second Cassie stormed out she was also out of the theater. No one dared to follow, no one dared to ask questions, everybody just jeered and laughed at Nate then went back to watching the second act of Lexi’s play like nothing happened.
Cassie stomped across the halls, taking her heels off and chucking them in the nearest trash can. Then she does her wig, and then she finds herself in front of her locker, taking her stocked gym bag and heading straight for the bathroom.
She doesn’t hear or see anyone, she could still hear the crowd from the play though. She hears them laughing and she wonders what part they were on. Lexi put on an amazing play—she deserved to hear those laughs.
The second her—well, Nate’s clothes peel off her skin, she felt free. She felt light. She felt like she was herself again. And, okay, sweatpants and the school’s hoodie wasn’t exactly what you wear to something like Lexi’s play but, hey, anything’s better than being a knockoff Maddy.
And god, Maddy. She could feel her eyes on her as she yelled at Nate for being an abusive scumbag but she didn’t really like, think about her at that moment. And as soon as she was sitting on the toilet, putting her sneakers on, that’s when it hit her.
Did Maddy care? Did she realize that Cassie knew she fucked up? Would she ever forgive her?
Cassie wouldn’t blame her if she didn’t. She fucked up. And if she gets her ass whooped by Maddy, if she gets called a cunt along with a handful of insults thrown at her, she’ll take them all because she knew she deserved it.
Guilt, huh? Does a lot to you.
The blonde opens the door to the stall, heading to the sinks to wash her makeup off. She was done being Nate’s doll. She was done finding reassurance and validation from anyone.
It was cold—the water. But so was Cassie. Ever since she got on with Nate, she felt cold, incomplete, unable to find herself. This wasn’t her.
“I still ask myself why you chose five as your number.” The voice sent shivers down her spine, making her jump slightly as she looked up, staring at the brunette through the mirror.
“Maddy.” She says, her voice shaky and as if breathless. The shorter girl was leaning against the wall, her arms crossed above her chest. “The one and only.”
This was the first time Cassie realized what she was wearing. She was beautiful, she always is, but there’s just something about her tonight that makes her glow.
“What—what are you doing here?” She asks, turning the faucet off and letting a few drops of water drip down the sink, turning around to face her instead of looking at her in the mirror. Maddy shrugs, “I just want to talk.”
“Oh. Okay.”
“You changed?”
“I wasn’t feeling it.” She shrugs, a nervous smile gracing her lips as the shorter girl raises an eyebrow, looking offended, although mostly joking, “Are you calling my style ugly?”
Panic washes over Cassie’s face, shaking her head frantically, “No! No! Absolutely not! You have great style—you’re beautiful! I just—fuck. I can’t pull them off.” It was a bad attempt at defending herself but, come on, she was talking to Maddy.
“You’re flustered?” She chuckles, shifting in her spot, her gaze never leaving the blonde’s as a small smile appears on her face. The older Howard sister gulps, “Nervous.”
Tilting her head, Maddy narrows her eyes, “Why?”
“Because I’m mentally preparing myself in case you throw a punch at me or call me a slut.” She deadpans and the other girl laughs, shaking her head as she takes another step forward. Only this time, it was hesitant, as if all her confidence got thrown out the window.
“I came here to check in on you.”
Those eight words knock the wind out of Cassie. This could be Maddy fooling her, and she shouldn’t put her guard down, but she knew Maddy more than anybody else. She knew she was genuine and that was eating her alive. It makes her feel more guilty.
“You didn’t have to.” She whispers.
“I wanted to.” Maddy retorts.
That sets her off, “Why? I fucked up, Mads. I ruined us for a guy I didn’t even like.” She starts, running a hand through her hair, letting all her bottled up emotions come up as she stepped forward, “I don’t deserve you! You’re, shit, I messed up. Maddy, I fucked up.”
“I know.” Her simple response and to Cassie, that wasn’t enough. She felt like shit and Maddy’s acting was so nonchalant about it, “You’re supposed to hate me.”
“I know.” She repeats and the taller girl felt like she was in an endless loop in hell, “Then why are you here?”
“Because I don’t follow what people say.”
And that does it. Cassie finds herself in front of Maddy, pulling her in for a bone crushing hug. It was so tight that she was convinced if she even let go of her in the slightest she’ll lose her forever.
“I’m sorry.” She whispers, tears spilling from her eyes as Maddy wraps her arms around her frame instinctively, “You are?”
“Yes! Jesus Christ, Maddy. I dated your ex. And not just any ex—the abusive one!” She exclaims, chuckling at how ridiculous and pathetic she was, the brunette snorts, “Why did you even date him in the first place?”
“Because I thought he was worth it. I got in way over my head and I was in so deep that it took me a while to figure out that he was using me.”
“Was he worth it?”
“Not worth enough that I would lose you over him.” She replies with no hesitation. Not a second thought. Maddy grins, “Is that the only reason?”
“What?”
“Is that the only reason you left him?”
“Guilt too.” She answers, but another one sits in her tongue. Although she wasn’t ready to tell her. She’ll take this shit to her grave.
“Other than that?” At this point, Cassie was dumbfounded, pulling away to stare at Maddy in confusion. Did she know?
“What do you want me to say?”
It takes her a second before answering, kissing the blonde’s cheek and giving her a small smile, “I think you know.” She says, and Cassie didn’t know what to do.
That was the last thing Maddy would ever say to her that week.
Her life slowly gets back to normal after the play. Lexi was talking to her again, and so was Rue. Kat was back to texting her memes late at night, Jules—well, nobody was talking to Jules and she felt awkward talking to her so that’s out of the question. Her mom doesn’t hide the knives anymore, which is good.
And Maddy—she doesn’t necessarily talk to her but she doesn’t push her away either. She sends her smiles in the hallways, likes her posts, you know. As you do.
“Does Maddy hate me?” She asks one day as she wiped the oil on her overalls, leaning against the old and beat up truck she and Rue were currently trying to fix. The addict chuckles, shaking her head, “Weirdly enough, no.”
“That was a quick answer.”
“You dated her ex boyfriend.”
“And your ex cheated on you with your new friend.”
Groaning, the taller girl glares at her, a playful glint in her eyes, “I walked into that one, didn’t I?” She asks and Cassie chuckles, “Mhm.”
“Why did you even date Nate?” She asks, leaning against the other car and Cassie sighs, “Because I was drunk on New Year’s, we fucked, I thought we had something and the second I was out of it, he’d manipulate me into coming back.”
“That’s tough.”
“I know.”
“How come you dated Nate and not Maddy, though?” The question had her fumbling, stumbling over her words as she stared at the other girl with wide eyes, “What?”
Rue could only shrug, smiling at her, “Everyone was convinced you two were going to get together in ninth grade.” She answers, remembering the rumors ringing out the halls, or how she and Lexi had bet on the two. The blonde gawks at her nervously, “Can’t two girls have a platonic relationship and be as close as—as we used to be?”
“Not when you two practically stare at each other with heart eyes the entire time.” She pointed out and at that point, Cassie knew she was backed into a corner. She could only nod, uneasily wringing the towel she held in her hand.
A moment passes, and Rue gives her another smile, only this time with more reassurance than the teasing one from minutes before, “Hey, Cass?”
“Yeah, Rue-Rue?”
“I totally would’ve cheered for you two. I know I was high most of high school but I know what I’m talking about when it comes to you and Maddy.”
That sends warmth all over her chest, grinning toothily at Rue, “Thanks.”
Silence washes over the both of them as they went back to their respective responsibilities—Rue with washing the cars, Cassie being the one who gets her hands dirty, “You know, I enjoy helping you pay this creepy drug dealer back but why do I have to be the one fixing the cars?”
“Because you’re the car girl.” Rue answers, rubbing out a piece of dirt off the car, “And it’s your apology for using my addiction against me.”
Cassie winces at that, nodding her head, “Okay.”
And before the silence goes longer, they hear Fezco’s slow yet oddly comforting voice calling out to them, “Howard, Bennett, new customer!”
“Thanks, Fezco!” The blonde yells back, “Ashtray’s letting them in!”
“Yup! Thanks again!”
They both expected another construction worker or like a soccer mom to come into the garage and honestly, the older Howard sister really didn’t care when the car was parked inside—until she heard a familiar voice ring out inside the garage.
“You two bitches are fixing my car?” There was a teasing tone attached to it, something she knew all too well. Her body goes rigid, unable to pick her feet up as she leaned against the car still.
Rue, however, was more easy going than her, greeting the smaller girl with a wave, shooting Cassie a teasing look, “Hey, Perez.” She grins and Maddy waves back, “Rue!”
Then she sees the girl look at her, and she doesn't know what to do.
“Hey, Cass.” Maddy grins, waving at her as well and she stands there, frozen, waving her hand awkwardly, “Hi! Uh, hi.”
The three girls stood in the garage with smiles until Rue narrowed her eyes, cupping a hand on her ear, “What? Ash? Yeah! I should go…”
Knowing exactly what she was doing, Cassie tugs on her shirt, “He didn’t even—Rue!” But as much pleading as she did, the taller girl was out, leaving the two alone.
“And then there were two.” Maddy points out and the blonde awkwardly nods, staring at the familiar car, “Mhm. So, uh, what’s the issue? With your car, I mean.”
“It has a scratch.” She answers simply and the taller girl finds herself nodding, “That’s all?”
Nervously, Maddy bites her lip as she nodded, “I think. Yeah. Can I stay here?”
“Of course.”
Cassie made quick work of the car, buffing the scratches off and doing the tiniest but most detailed paint job she’s ever done. Usually it’s a wipe of paint and she’s done but, you know, she has favorites.
“How long have you been working here?” Maddy asks from her seat, which was a stack of boxes she and Rue had put together for their breaks. Cassie wipes the sweat off her forehead, “A week. Why?”
“Just curious.” She smiles sweetly, sickeningly sweet, that it makes the other girl ache. “Oh. What’s up with you?”
“The usual. I’ve been going to therapy.” That makes her look up, “Really? That’s good. I’m happy for you.”
“Thanks.”
Then it goes awkward and Cassie had to ask herself how they got to this point. Awkward silence was never a thing for them, and now it is. So, to fill the silence, she begins to stammer an apology once more, “Uh, I know I’ve said this before but I really am sorry and I know it practically means nothing because—”
Her rambling was cut off by Maddy, “Why did you walk out?”
“What?” She blinks, crossing her arms, “Why did you walk out the night of the play?” She repeats and Cassie’s throat begins to close up, her heart speeding up, even faster than when Maddy had found out about her and Nate.
She tries to brush it off, though, “Because I broke up with Nate and I don’t want to sit with him?”
Being able to see right through her, Maddy tilts her head, staring into her eyes that it sends shivers down her spine, “You’re lying.”
“I’m not.” She retorts defensively and the brunette rolls her eyes. “Bullshit, Cass. I’ve known you since we were kids.”
“It’s stupid.” Cassie counters, the other girl bites back.
“I’ve heard you talk about ugly fucking guys.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“I deserve to know.”
That nearly did it for her. She stared at her with pleading eyes, “Mads…”
“Tell me.” And that was it. Suddenly all her walls were down as she sighed, a low groan escaping her lips as she took a step forward.
“Fine! You want to know? It’s because the second Hallie and Marta or whatever the fuck our characters are supposed to be named came on stage all I could think about was you.” She starts, her hands waving around frantically, “All I could think about was those specific moments and how every single time I stopped myself from—I stopped myself from feeling for you.”
“Feeling for me?” Maddy asks cluelessly and Cassie breaks, “All those times you were near me, those moments you were in my arms, I practically had to repeat to myself a hundred times that I’m your best friend and that’s it. To you that’s all I’ll ever be and that’s what hurts. That’s why I’m running around desperately trying to fill the void that nobody could fill because you are the only one that could.”
By the time her whole rant was finished, tears were streaming down her face. Years worth of emotions flooding out of her like a dam. “And what sucks most is that I’ve done some pretty fucked up things just to forget about you at night. Including dating Nate. You think I wanted him? No! Not even in the slightest.” She chuckles sadly, catching her breath.
Maddy just stood there, her face unreadable. Cassie couldn’t give a fuck, though. She’s already lost her, they’re already broken with no chances of being fixed. She literally had nothing else to lose.
“Your car’s done. You could leave any time. It’s on me.” She wanted that to be the final thing she’d say, taking a deep breath as she evaded Maddy’s gaze, but the brunette laughs, “Cassie you’re a fucking idiot.”
“I know.” She replies, ready for the amount of things Maddy’s about to say to her.
But instead of being hit with hurtful words or a slap, or anything else, she feels a pair of lips on top of her own.
And it takes a second before it clicks in her head.
Maddy was kissing her. Maybe it was out of pity, maybe it was a goodbye, she didn’t know. All she had in her head was that she wanted to stay in this moment forever.
She wraps her arms around her waist, pulling her closer to her and silently laughing in her head when she realizes that she’d probably stained Maddy’s clothes with oil and paint. They were stuck in that position for minutes, refusing to pull away from each other, even when they struggled to breathe.
But eventually, it became too much that Cassie had to pull away, staring at the other girl in utter shock as her cheeks began to turn pink.
“Did you just kiss me?” She asks breathlessly, her eyes half closed as she stared at Maddy, “I would’ve gone further if we weren’t in this garage.”
“Why did you kiss me?” She repeats, still in shock as the brunette rolls her eyes, flicking her head, “Are you dense?”
“Well, I thought it was out of pity and not you liking me back.” Cassie answers defensively, swatting Maddy’s hand away, “I don’t like you back.”
“Oh.”
“I hate you, actually.” She answers, a small smirk on her face. The blonde’s frown turns to a smile, being able to see through Maddy’s words, “Well I hate you too.”
Before Maddy can even say anything else, a voice that belonged to neither of them echoes in the small space, “Are you two done fucking? Can I come in now?”
Groaning and letting go of her, Cassie took a step back, glaring at Rue, “You ruined the moment!”
“I’m sorry! I left my wallet in here!” She apologizes and for a moment, it seems genuine until Maddy turns around, “Why do you need your wallet?”
“To pay me.” A new voice joins in and Cassie’s face falls, hiding it behind her hands, “Oh god, you’re here too?” She groans as Lexi comes into view, “Hello to you too, my beloved sister.”
“Fuck off, Lex.” She grumbles, flipping her off as Maddy stares at them in confusion, “Wait, why would Rue pay you?”
“Because I bet that you two would make out.” Lexi answers simply while Rue groans, handing the younger Howard sister ten dollars who was grinning proudly, “And I bet that you two would just confess.”
“Were we that obvious?” Maddy mumbles, suddenly conscious of herself, “Oh, definitely.”
They were all silent for a while before Rue tapped Cassie’s shoulder, “You gonna ask her out or do I have to do it for you?” She asks and the blonde nods, her eyes widening, “Hey, Mads?”
Knowing what she was about to ask, Maddy smiles up at her, “Yeah?”
“Wanna go out with me after this?”
“Yeah.”
Years of hiding, a hundred guys in between them, a fuck ton of drama and it was all resolved in the most random place ever. Who would’ve thought, huh?
But Maddy’s grin was quick to fade as she looked down at her shirt, “Wait, did you just stain my fucking shirt?”
Cassie steps away, her eyes wide as fear consumes her, “Fuck.”
“Cassie!”
“I’m sorry!”
Yeah, this was the best ten dollars Rue had ever spent on.