Chapter Text
Jared stands in the middle of his wide open loft space, dressed only in a pair of tight boxer briefs, eating cereal out of a huge ceramic bowl with a tablespoon. He flips through the local newspaper, reading the articles that only interest him. He hears the knocking and not the doorbell, knowing exactly who will be behind the metal paneling.
When he opens the door, he does an about-face back to the kitchen. “Aren't you a bit too early?”
Jensen pops around the doorframe, looking left and right, then straight head. He shuts the door and traces Jared's steps to the kitchen; the layout is almost similar to his own loft two floors up. “I, uh...wanted to come over to ask you what you'd like me to wear to this thing today—this afternoon” He corrects himself quickly, tucking hands into front pockets and looking around again. “I wasn't sure if you'd still be entertaining at this hour.”
Jared rolls his eyes as he places the bowl down and turns two pages ahead. “You know he's here. You two said 'hi' in the stairs last night.”
“well...” Jensen gives a slight shake to his head. “I wasn't sure if this was a night for a quickie or if you'd get him to stay for breakfast.” He motions a hand to the bowl Jared's eating from. “I can see he's not.”
“He is, but...” Jared makes a big deal about folding back the pages and then folding the paper itself so he can keep reading, and ignoring Jensen. “...it's really none of your fuckin' business.”
“He's cute.” Jensen rubs his palms together, like he's sharing some kind of secret with Jared, then he lifts both eyebrows. “Is he new?”
Jared splays his hands on the counter, looking across to Jensen from under lowered eyelids. “I'm not doing this, Jensen.”
“What?” Jensen holds out both arms to display himself as being innocent. “What am I doing? I think your latest boy-toy for yesterday evening's event is...” He made a face, swishing his head from side to side. “...passable—a solid choice.”
Jared carries the bowl to the sink, dumps the sugary milk and washes out the dish and places the utensil inside the water. “He's not new...or a boy, and he is definitely not here for one night.” He leaves the comment at that, not revealing much else. He knows how much it bothers Jensen that he could be getting laid more often than he is. It seems to upset Jensen to think Jared has caved and could possibly have found a “boyfriend”.
“...'kay...” Jensen extends his arms, putting his choice of clothing on display, then doing a small spin to show off front and back; he wears a threadbare Polo shirt, a pair of loose low-hip jeans and his bare feet are encased in leather flip-flops. He looks like a beach bum, but he is methodically well-put together for a “bum”. Nothing he wears is less than $800. “...is this good enough?”
Jared leans his backside on the counter, folding his arms as he shrugs. “I have no idea why you're asking me this.”
Jensen sighs in exasperation. “What to wear to your class.”
“It's not a 'class'. It's an instructional seminar. A lecture for 7 weeks. This is the first week, simply touching on the basics.”
“...how many of these do I have to do?” Jensen clears his throat as he's willing to let Jared's annoyance slide by as he's corrected.
Jared cocks an eyebrow. “You don't have to do any, man. You're the one with a guilty conscience.”
“I'm sorry, dude. I had no idea my surprise gift to you would backfire. I—” Jensen honestly still feels genuine shame enough to bow his head. “I didn't mean to freak your Mom out like that...or Meghan, either. Now that I've met them, tough not to like them immediately.” He narrows his gaze on Jared. “...why can't you be more like them?”
Jared reaches into the first sink, pulling out the current offending item from the hot water it had been melting in. It was a good-sized dildo with a thin layer of freezer frost burned around the latex. He throws it at Jensen, forcing him to catch the fake cock or truly be impaled by the flying frozen dildo. “...found that in my freezer. I think that's, what?—number 25 or 26 I've located, so far?”
Jensen tries to catch, and hold, the wiggly dildo like it was a fish jumping into his fishing boat. “...again—m'sorry...I should've written down, or taken cell phone pictures of...where I had put all 29 of them.” He's seriously biting down on his lips to not laugh outright; he can't help but find it a bit hilarious on some level.
Jared shakes his head, rubbing over his cheek to slide fingers through his mussed mane of hair. “If you want to, I'll show you my lecture schedule. Tell me which topics you wouldn't mind doing a live demonstration for.”
“—an' all you do is that 'one thing'?” Jensen is looking at the dildo closely, as if inspecting it for damage to be used later on. “Nothing else?”
“Trust me.” Jared snorts out a laugh, scratching at his face. “It's not as boring or tedious as it seems.” The last few hour-n-a half sessions have gone rather well, but he won't gloat. “I never would've devised the lecture or gotten the administration approval, from the community college to use the classroom in the Behavioral Science Lab building, if I hadn't put some effort into making this a worthwhile project to back.”
“oh, wow...is that what '101 Ways to Make It In Gay Porn' falls under as a category?”
Jared knows Jensen likes to joke and tease him mercilessly, but Jensen leaves himself wide open with what he does for a living. Jared abandons the prospect of retaliation, being the bigger man. He takes another glance at Jensen, then makes a face that what Jensen wears will do. “...I don't why you worry about what to wear, you'll be naked for the demo.”
Jensen slides a hand under the thin Polo shirt, soothing over his flat abdominals, giving a small peek at warm, creamy flesh with a spattering of hair to a trimmed pubic area as the denim rides as low as possible off thin hips. “...god...it'll be strange being naked again in a public setting.”
Jared isn't buying Jensen's nervous act one bit, though he doesn't object to taking a gander at that exposed flesh and letting his mind slip into dirty thoughts. “It's not 'public'.” He gives a half-smile when Jensen pouts like a child. “The people taking the lecture aren't any less than 10, no more than 17 at any given time.” Jared has no idea why he's trying to save Jensen some kind of embarrassment; he doesn't care if Jensen is freaked out or not. “I don't have too many of them being as open and adventurous as I'd like. Some are there for the 'science' credit. I know a few are using this to explore their sexuality. And only a handful are seriously planning on entering the porn industry like we did...way back when.”
Jensen moves back to set the dildo down on the plush cushion of the living room sofa, then rests his bottom on the metal edge of the furniture's structure. He crosses his arms, grabbing elbow joints in each palm. “I never heard how you got your start.” Jensen knows Jared expects him to leave, and bail, but for some reason he wants to stick around and chat like they're best buds.
“Not my fault.” Jared throws a hand up, shrugging his shoulders. “I was working with you at the same studio, only three years behind you. You were the one who wouldn't give me the time of day.”
Jensen scrunches his face in disgust. “Haven't I made amends for all that yet? I mean, honestly...” He gestures around them to the loft space. “I told you 'bout this place before some swept it off the building manager's hands first.”
Jared laughs, tugging on his ear. “That is the only nice thing you've ever done for me.”
“Aren't I usually 'nice'...or at least, decent to you?” Jensen can't imagine that he's intentionally cruel toward Jared, or he doesn't try to be.
“eh...debatable. Sometimes I can’t tell if you still hold a grudge or not.”
“A grudge?” Jensen wrinkles his brow in bewilderment. “Why the hell would I—?”
“It took me less time than you to become the studio's new beefcake...their top player in every popular porn. The only reason I say this is because they stroked my ego enough with the shit daily. In the two years I was there, not once did you ever accept a role to be opposite me. Not saying we had to fuck on camera, but...it would've been nice working beside you in some capacity.”
Jensen swallows with some difficulty, not sure he wants this stuff to be brought out and rehashed again. Mainly because it unsettles him that Jared had been a “fan” of his and had felt slighted in some fashion, holding Jensen responsible for how tense every moment between them could be. Like they were Exes without even having dated or been “boyfriends” and they had to one-up or better the other in order to feel happy. “I don't mean to make it seem like I don't like you, 'cuz I do,” Jensen mumbles out as he averts his gaze to the hardwood floors. At some point, he knows one of them will grow exhausted by having to struggle to be in the same room together.
“I was confused when you told me 'bout this loft.” Jared is fully aware of how this works on Jensen's last nerve. “I was so sure you hated the sight of me.” He can laugh about it now, when it used to gut him every day not to be liked for something out of his control, and by someone he greatly admired and respected.
“That may have been my fault. I hadn't been happy there—not for a long time. My, uh...the guy I had been on-and-off again with suddenly found what I did for living atrocious and left...the studio kept tryin' to, uh...I don't know...'reinvent' who I was. Wanted me to pierce this, tattoo that. Do some slap and tickle shit with leather...do more multiples—I guess I had hit my final straw when they asked me to be a 'bottom' on film.”
Jared lightly chuckles, pointing to the floor with his index finger. “—an' that was when I knew I hadn't been crazy about how you felt.”
“huh? I'm not following?” Jensen really is becoming lost and confused.
“Your refusal to 'bottom' was my film.” Jared slowly closes his lids, rolling his eyes as he reopens them. “...well, wait...it was my scene—a scene with me as your Top.”
Jensen goes still, not remembering the memory this way. “No.” It eats at him that he keeps being misrepresented to Jared and some of it stems back to the studio heads who claimed to have Jensen's back. “They wanted Luke James to top me.”
“...yeah...” Jared nods emphatically, leaking out a broad grin. “...that had been the original plan, until Luke backed out of the project—some kind of family emergency.” He flattens a palm to rub his bare chest, moving up to cup the bottom of his throat. “Then they brought me in.”
Jensen points over his shoulder like the guy stands behind him, then gestures to Jared. “I refused Luke, not you.”
“well, whenever you had told them, they hadn't mentioned it to anyone in production until it was me on camera in the scene.”
“...all this time...” Jensen shakes his head, soothing over his forehead as he pushes off the sofa to head across the room and make it into the kitchen, reaching the back of a breakfast nook stool. “...you've been thinking I didn't want you to fuck me?”...christ, what he wouldn't give to take that moment back and redo it to actually say “yes”—just once to break the curiosity he's cursed with since getting to know Jared personally, living in the same building this last year.
A loud yawn purposefully pierces the tension-filled air, coming out of the main bedroom in the back of the loft, echoing to the open space of the kitchen, dining room and living room area. The naked, but draped-in-a-robe male form saunters down the hall, passing the front door to slip on by Jensen to enter the kitchen. There's no care in the world to how he looks with his dick laid bare or the fact that he only seems to have hungry eyes for Jared. “—mornin'...” He wanders around the middle island, heading for Jared, who he grabs around the waist, pulling the tall frame flush with his front. “...miss'd you there to wake up to—had to take care of myself.” The drowsy gaze drops to motion to the genital area, meaning that he has possibly masturbated on his own, while Jared and Jensen had chatted out here.
Jensen's face flinches from the idea he might have stumbled upon Jared's chance at a morning fuck. He watches the “boyfriend” pull back, tie the robe lapels closed and then reach for a hanging mug from under the cupboards to fill with coffee. Jensen eyes Jared, curious to why the normally expressive eyes are downcast; he prefers thinking Jared will remain a bachelor, like him. Not that they are close pals or hang out frequently, but that it's nice to have someone who understands his sexual quirks with the past in gay porn. Both of them had “retired” from the industry, but they had both found second careers that utilized the expertise they had gained.
“...m'gonna go shower.” Jared mutters, moving to his guest's side to brush through the back of the messy hair, then kisses and nuzzles the face. “...you can join me, if you want.” He makes the offer only to his guest, but he has said it loud enough for Jensen to hear. As he rounds the island, Jared gives a small smile toward Jensen. “I'll see you later, huh?”
“...yeah...later.” Jensen doesn't feel like their previous conversation is done. He watches Jared retreat with a furrowed brow, attempting to kill the urge to follow—and yes, taking that spot in the shower with him.
“...you like him.”
Jensen swivels his head back around. “Pardon?”
“Jared. You like him.” The mug is used to motion toward the direction Jared escaped to. “You act as if you don't, but—you do.” Eyes narrow on Jensen, hoping to figure him out.
Jensen almost can't think of an excuse to lie. “yes, I do. What of it?”
“I don't know, man, tha's up to you.” The mug is brought to the lips without having doctored the coffee at all.
“I'm not—I don't...” Jensen sighs as he shakes his head, then tilts to the left a bit. “...there's a possibility I may have been hasty and too selfish in the past—our past run-ins—an' given him some idea...” He sets his right forearm on the stool back, dangling his fingers down to the seat cushion. “eh, given him the wrong impression.”
The mug is brought to the lips again where a slow smile forms. “uh-huh...because it's so clear that you've wanted to be best friends all along.” There's a soft laugh given that borders on knowing everything that's been going on between Jared and Jensen.
“I kid...I joke and tease...I play pranks on my friends—it's something that I do.” Jensen hates how trite and pathetic that sounds as if it's the best excuse he can give for how he is with Jared.
“Doubt very much Jared feels you two are friends or even friendly. Which makes your birthday gift to him—the 29 dildos hidden around this place—sting a little more than you may have intended...” The man realizes he may have given away having known Jared longer than it appears. He takes another random sip of the black coffee.
“...look...in my mind, that had gone so much better as a plan.” Jensen moves to stand behind the stool's back, entwining his fingers to stretch his arms out to crack fingers and roll his shoulder joints. “Maybe the execution could have been handled better...and how it was perceived failed miserably.” Jensen stops talking once he learns he's saying something this man already knows too well. “I had no idea he wasn't fully 'out' to his family—just his Dad. Not even about what he had done to make it out here, alone and away from home. I'm trying to make it up to him as he'll allow me.”
“You're so fuckin' lucky he still has a certain respect for you.” The head shakes in silent admonishment. “The things you do to him, and what you say coupled with your actions...has surprisingly not made him stop liking you.” He seems flabbergasted by Jared's refusal to completely hate-on Jensen Ackles.
Jensen is startled to hear this. He rubs at his cheek, smirking. “He likes me?—still?” He has had some idea Jared had stopped long ago.
“oh, god...” The mug is set down with a loud clang. “...you try so damn hard to seem unaffected by the normalcy of a gay man's life.” He thinks he's pretty much got Jensen down pat on who he actually pretends to be. “But...I see the way you look at me. Doesn't matter what my name is or who I might be to Jared, you automatically assume...and hate me.”
“...so who are you to him?—just curious.”
“A good friend who cares and only wants the best for him.” The man adjusts the lapels of the robe a bit tighter around his bare chest and naked body, folding arms. “I want him to be happy and—” This part is as honest as he'll be about his own true self. “I'd like to see him settled down and in love soon. It won't ever be me, but I do know some good prospects I've been dying to introduce him to.” He notices that this information doesn't sit well on Jensen's ears.
Jensen works his mouth into a serious frown. “I, uh...have to go. I think I left the stove on.” He pushes off the stool, heading down the hall like he's going for the door to leave. But just before his hand touches the knob, he spins to keep heading down the hallway into Jared's massive bedroom. It's awful interesting that the large California King bed doesn't even look to have been slept in. Jensen heads to the bathroom door and simply bursts in. Heart racing and breathing labored, he watches the tall naked frame behind the clouded glass, only able to see the dark mane of hair at the top portion, now wet and slicked back from the high forehead. He steps to the shower door, hands opening and closing into fists a she attempts to gain some courage...and then yanks open the paneling.
The craziest thing is...Jared acts like he expected it to be Jensen following him. He backs up to fall on a tiled wall as Jensen climbs over the lip of the doorframe, in clothes and flip-flops still on. Jared braces his hands on the surface behind him, preparing for whatever Jensen plans on giving him. Hands reach out to sculpt down a heavily breathing chest wall, along the ribcage, snagging the waist and slowly walking forward with green eyes boring into Jared's upper chest.
“...so beautiful—always.” Jensen whispers out as he lifts his right hand to trace fingernails along the wet flesh to lay palm flat over the heart.
Jared snatches the wrist, his head dipping to slide cheek against cheek. His own right arm snakes around, yanking Jensen flush to his muscled torso. He pulls back to dip low and peck Jensen’s lips...like it's a simple test to see how the mouth tastes and if he wants more of the same.
Jensen slides his both hands up and around broad shoulders to lock around Jared's neck. As Jared steadies him with two arms, Jensen leans to open-mouth kiss, then lick and force Jared's lips to open, sinking deeper. Jared's hands drop to cup Jensen’s ass in the soaked denim; he pulls and parts the bottom beneath, working Jensen into a frenzy to want to be fucked or at least fingered to orgasm.
Jensen does feel the want...the need to submit and he's unprepared for how willingly his body caves and gives in. He's so hard...and, literally, wet—like a drenched rat—and he only feels like bending over to let Jared take him—several times, if that's what it'll take to get him out of his system. Jensen feels it—the cock...Jared's cock—as it pulsates and hardens, poking and throbbing to have a tight hole to sink into.
Jensen forces a soft cry past his lips, pressing his brow into Jared's face. “I can’t...m'sorry—can't...”
Jared notices how difficult it is for Jensen to think about relinquishing power, compared to such a wondrous and beautiful moment of Jensen willingly succumbing to him with no thought to any outcome, but only seeking pleasure and fulfillment. He allows Jensen to draw back, though he wants to pull him in for a tender hug. Jared wonders how many of those “friends” of Jensen's would actually understand him as well as he did...would they hold and comfort him? Would Jensen even let them close and to be that intimate without the promise of sex afterward?
The only thing Jared is sure of is that Jensen had turned all of his “friends” into fuck buddies or...friends with benefits, not a genuine soul could be detected. Too many familiar faces from the studio had been going in and out of Jensen's loft, like he couldn't stray far from what he knew. He couldn't be bothered to pick up a random guy at a bar or meet him online, fixed up on a “blind” date to eventually hook-up. Jensen had seemed to simply prefer the sex rather than the true human connection. And he hadn't been shy about letting Jared see each of these random men or meet them on the stairs, letting Jared know Jensen hadn't lost his mojo.
Jared tries to cup a cheek, but Jensen averts his head, two fingers tracing down Jared's bare left arm, and staring at how close their bodies are...how aroused he is to be clothed, utterly soaked, while Jared is naked and dripping moisture, clearly in full-on arousal for him, as well. He soothes the back of his knuckles over the flat abs, pressing soft kisses up the chest until he reaches the upper portion, where he starts to lick away water and eventually buries his face away. “...god—I want to, but I can't...not here, not this way...” He doesn't even see Jared's nod or the attempt to hold him again. Jensen has to twist away, hesitating to exit completely. “I'll see you later.” And he climbs out of the stall, he shuts the glass door and walks out of the bathroom, then the bedroom, heading straight out the front door to make a bee-line for his own loft.
Jared remains on the wall, eyes closed as he tightens and loosens his inner muscles, feeling his cock stick upward then out from his body. He does this a few times without touching himself and he starts rolling his hips, thrusting into nothing as the shaft slaps backward to hit his stomach. He reopens, then shuts his eyes to picture any image of Jensen he has cataloged from every porn film he's ever done, yet there's never been a scene he truly wants. He has to conjure the fantasy on his own...
...he imagines the hole will be tight—tight like a virgin's—an warm, possibly scalding hot. At first, Jensen might be wary of his body being able to take the thickness...the length, and then to both of their amazements—lifting hips just so—Jared has sunk deeper and sends Jensen into a flail of spasm...
...Jared lifts lids to watch his cocktip leak the slow ooze of semen, and as he contracts inner muscles again, the spray arcs out of the opening hole in the tip...thick, clear come with swirls of white swimming in circles. Some hits the foggy glass on the door as he lets out an agonized groan with his release. He will touch himself soon, only to wash off the stickiness, but he won't touch just yet so he moves to reach for the shampoo to distract his fragile mind.
==&&==&&==&&==
Jensen had left his front door unlocked, so he storms into his own loft and closes the paneling hard. He peels the wet Polo over his head and toes off the squishy flip-flops. He undoes the opening of his jeans, but the moist material won't give easily, trying to slide down even wetter skin. He isn't sure how to get out of the denim fast enough with his erection growing. Thank god he purposefully wore no underwear underneath. It hurts—his bulge brushing the confines of the zipper, but it's an even sweeter relief to have his cold skin hit warm air. Jensen plops the jeans where he stands, then hops over his low plush couch, leaning forward to grab a remote to turn on his TV and the DVD player.
Setting aside the controller, Jensen searches under the glass top of the coffee table to the shelf below to find the basket where he stashes the sex toys and lube in, under the array of men magazines. He pulls out an anal plug and an average-sized [ 6 ½ to 7 inches ] realistic dildo—much smaller than his own cock and Jared's, as he's been informed on several occasions. So far, Jensen can come from fingering and anal play with the plug; he hasn't quite mastered taking the cock-shaped dildo yet.
Late last night, he had been completing some research of his own films and to his shock one of the DVDs he had been given happened to be a studio compilation where several scenes had been edited together with his own. One had been Jared as quite the submissive Bottom...Jensen enjoyed that one—he'd come more than twice from the sounds alone out of Jared's elongated throat. Then Jared had been part of a group of young college men getting their dicks sucked by a Freshmen cumwhore in his knees...not Jensen's favorite because there just wasn't enough Jared to be intrigued or to feel like joining the cumfest. But the true stunner of it all had been one of Jared's topping scenes; it had Jensen's jaw nearly dropping to the floor. Not because he fucked a random Bottom, but because of who had been his Bottom. Jared had actually dominated one of the studio's most popular and muscled Bears that had claimed to be a PowerTop—a massive leather Daddy who enjoyed the occasional trip down Pig Bottom lane, to see how the other half lived.
Watching this PowerTop squeal to be fucked harder and faster...and Jared seeming to have gone somewhere in his head to even feel like he could overpower his scene partner was fascinating to watch unfold. Jensen knew this guy to be someone who had done a few sex swing fisting films, so the idea that Jared could control and send the poor guy into maddening ecstasy was just unreal. And it didn't give him much of a chance to think twice about considering letting Jared do exactly what he saw being done on film; he genuinely feared for his body's welfare.
Jensen had been watching, and re-watching, having stopped mid-scene to come several times from rewinding particular moments, and each time looking at something different; the Bottom's need for more and begging like a girl, Jared's willingness to be a rough and violent as he felt comfortable being, despite what the PowerTop asked of him and to the different camera angles and perspectives they had of huge cock penetrating loose hole.
...Bottom was on his back—scene was of a prison guard and the prisoner, in solitary confinement, claiming innocence and demanding to be set free...and the guard letting him plead his case, but had to...pay a certain price, then commenced the wild bronco-bucking fucking...
At the point where Jensen had paused the scene, Jared had the PowerTop bent and folded so far into himself and the thin mattress on the squeaky twin bedframe that he made the heavily muscled form look like a pretzel. So much sweat dripped off him from the strength it took to hold himself back from coming too quick, and keeping the PowerTop from actually trying to dominate over him, like he would often do with his own Bottoms in his own scenes. Jared had seemed to want to keep the PowerTop as tamed and docile as he could get him.
...the Bottom reaches up and shapes through Jared's hair, down his face, sticking fingers in his mouth to trace down the torso, coming back up to cup each breast and gently tweaks Jared's dusky pink nipples...
Jared liked it to a certain point, but when they were tugged and twisted, he increased his tempo of pumping like he wanted to come and be done with what might be ahead for him if he wasn't careful and patient.
“...come in me...”
“...you want it—want my seed in you?”
“...yeah—breed me...fuckin' breed me deep...”
Jensen sucks in a breath as the idea of being “bred” or having two men on-screen talking about filling the other's hole with come was a secret kink of his that worked him into a frenzy. He slumps on the couch cushions, feet propping on the edge of the coffee table, hand stroking his shaft and the other hand teasing his hole with the wet blunt end of the plug. On one of Jared's hard thrusts, Jensen pushes in the plug, moaning out his pleasure as he lifts his legs to gape his own hole. His eyes are stuck on the screen as Jared holds the thick legs of the PowerTop apart and plows into the depths of the sore and loose sphincter.
“oh, god...”
“ohhh, gooood...fuck me!” Jensen cries out along with Jared, watching him pitch forward, unable to hold the legs down as he thrusts into the rectum; the PowerTop holds the weakened frame and once they're chest to chest, Jared jabs quickly and deeply as his forearms lift under the raised legs and he keeps jerking his pelvis with every powerful shot of his seed into the body.
Jensen arcs, feeling his ass twitch to feel that cock inside his own body. He sees Jared rise, seeming to thrust his hips as he strokes the thick length of his partner, who comes so hard, moving and shifting as he spasms and jolts to deeply growl out his own orgasm. What makes Jensen finally come as he watches is how Jared touches the softness of the hairy inner thighs, how he pets the sweaty skin, smearing the stickiness of spent ejaculate over the massive hairy chest. All he can see now is the shake of the PowerTop's head as he lets out a loud wail...
“...fuck!—so good—so fuckin' good...”
The camera focuses on the blissed out, highly ecstatic face of the PowerTop. He seems thankful and greatly pleased with Jared's performance. Jared never pulls out, just tumbles forward and meshes faces and traces the hard chiseled features to kiss the parting mouth as if his scene partner was the most precious thing in the world to him.
The scene fades to black, but Jensen wishes there was more. So much more...of Jared...
Jensen leaves the living room area in self-disgust and marches off to his bedroom to take his second—well, third—shower of the day.
==&&==&&==&&==
Jared always shows to the classroom early, mainly to set-up and write the lesson's notes and some important information he might forget on the dry erase whiteboard. He looks down at his notebooks as he prints with the black marker when he hears a soft knock on the metal framework of the doorway.
Jared twists to raise both eyebrows. “...you're here.” He hates how easily he releases a smile with a soft sigh at seeing Jensen walk into the room. How his heart skips beats and his throat clogs not knowing what should come next out of his mouth.
“I'm early.” Jensen sets down his overnight bag. “I just—had nothing going on at the moment, got tired of waiting around for the clock to move faster.” He glances at the board Jared has been scribbling on, then looks around the empty classroom. “How exactly do you, uh...perform these live demonstrations?” Jensen slowly rolls his shoulders out of his hip-length leather jacket. It's difficult to look directly at Jared after having watched him dominate and give erotic pleasure to another man who could've had a good career as a Pro Wrestler. Jensen may have watched the scene a few more times, coming at different parts. Mostly because of Jared, but then other times because of what Jared does to his scene partner...and wanting everything done to him in that same way, with that similar fervor and passion.
Jared caps the marker, putting down his legal pad of papers and walking past Jensen. He cups the shoulder joints to direct him into a closet inside of the classroom. "There's a portable platform I use, sits low to the ground. I have a specially-made mattress—smaller than a Twin, but wider...and then clean bed sheets, and plenty of pillows...always." He unlocks the door, leaving it wide open to point everything out to Jensen. "If you put that together for me, that would be awesome. I'll keep working on writing out my notes on the board."
Jensen opens his mouth to speak but Jared appears to be twisting around to walk away. He blocks Jared's path, palm out to show he means no harm. He doesn't touch the chest. "About earlier—in your shower..."
"What about it?" Jared tucks away his hands into his trouser pockets.
"I don't know." Jensen is flabbergasted that he truly doesn't know. Their usual adversarial roles just don't seem to fit an awkward moment like this. "I'm usually a 'go-with-the-flow' kinda guy, letting whatever happens—uh, happen...an', in the middle of it all...I may have given you the wrong idea."
Jared braces himself for the rejection, leaning back on the wood paneling. "And what 'idea' would that be?"
"well...first off, that I don't like you." Jensen notices how that makes Jared pick up his head. "As if we're foes or enemies because of some bullshit from the studio we both used to work under. I told you about the loft space because I genuinely cared where you'd be able to live...I wanted to get to know you better." He backs up, shaking his head as he recalls memories. "They used to feed me these lines that you and I would be great together, not just on film, but...like we'd be 'friends'." Jensen shrugs weakly, hanging his head in shame. "I guess I tried with too much He Said/They Said between us...everything being told to us by third parties. We've let this go too far and—I really do think we'd get along if there wasn't so much sitting between us, festering. Like...I had no idea they had brought you in instead of Luke—just by that end of my time there, I was tired of them trying to change me. I told them to find someone more willing to be what they wanted, then to take and use what I could still offer them...or fire me."
Jared doesn't know that he likes hearing this, because it makes all the time he spent thinking the worst seem childish or that he's been easily malleable into believing what the studio told him instead of going right to Jensen. "You'd been with them a while. Five years, right?"
"...yeah."
"They shouldn't have let you go." Jared shakes his head at their stupidity. They could've found ways to market Jensen; he knows that for a fact. "It amazes me that the types of films you made have a stamina others don't. And it keeps fluctuating back into the industry. I mean, I know people have their quirks and kinks...but what I do hear at the Adult Video Conventions is how fans wish for the old school days of porn. Where it had a rawness and vulnerability...more real." Jared swallows, watching—he swears—Jensen dip his head to blush. "What?" He lifts one end of his mouth in a quirk.
"I'm doing research for the website...I pop in my DVD reels and—the footage they compiled with mine...oh, man, it had some of your own stuff in it."
"Really?" Jared chuckles, smoothing a palm down the front of his shirt, settling his tie. "Which ones?"
"uh..." Jensen crosses his arms, squinting one eye as he looks up to relay the exact scenes; he knows them by heart, but he won't tell Jared that. “...some barn stall one with Derick Cody...uhm, some wank session with, like, 5 other guys—uh, Chris Sutter was the cumslut—jerked, sucked and blew every single one of you. He was laying on a kind of gray slab, looked like stonework...an altar of some type. I think it was meant to be a frat initiation scene..."
Jared nods his head, feeling his gut clench at the thought of Jensen watching him on film. He looks over at Jensen from under lowered lids. "Is that it?"
Jensen rubs at his face, mumbling, "...no."
Jared wanders out of the open closet so he can hitch a hip on one of the table-desks, and so Jensen can breathe easier. "Was it a gangbang or a, uhm...?" He scratches at his face, settling his right forearm across his flattened thigh, clamping his palms together. He recalls his early Bottom days being a plethora of perversions he never wanted to do when he became a Top.
"Prison scene..." Jensen rubs at his chin, gaze narrowing on Jared to make sure he recalled the exact memory. "...you were the guard—"
Jared laughs outright, throwing his head backward and shaking strands of hair from its slicked-back look. He nods his head as he rubs at the corner of one eye. "...Anthony 'Tony' Desilvo was the prisoner. oh, yeah..." Jared rolls his eyes and waves his hand in the air like it was nothing. "...one of my weirder, yet...hotter topping experiences."
Jensen frowns deeply, tilting his head. "Why was it weird?"
"TONY. DESILVO." Jared stresses the name so Jensen recalls what he mainly did for the studio. "...asking to bottom for me?"
Jensen is stunned into quiet. "...ssshhhiiit...he asked you to top him?" He obviously underestimated Jared's popularity not only with fans who bought the films but also the other pornstars who seemed to have clamored over each other to get to be with Jared.
"yeah..." Jared rubs at his face, still unable to believe what had happened. "I swear I used to watch Desilvo's stuff through my fingers." He demonstrates just how chicken-shit he was about fetishes and kinky sex, peeking through fingers as he jerked himself off. "yes—while still masturbating, of course. But...christ, talk about intimidation."
"You looked—" Jensen chokes on what he really wants to say to simply state, "...good." ...so damn good....good enough to make me orgasm, one on top of the other.
Jared isn't aware of Jensen's uncomfortableness. He averts his head to stare at the floor. "I fuckin' had to...Tony'd've snapped my neck, crazy fucker."
They share a mutual laugh, way-too close to understanding what the other suffered on their own.
"...mine was Rick Waters..." Jensen supplies as an afterthought.
"Waters...Waters?..." Jared wrinkles his brow in perplexity. He feels he should know that name since he knows Jensen's career so well. "...remind me of who he was?"
"Older guy—not grandpa old, but older than me at the time. He had seen my work, asked to do a scene with me. And I swear—hand to God—he took off his clothes an' I..." Jensen has to stop because he'll lose himself in hilarity if he doesn't control himself as he explains. "...even in underwear, the guy has this thick and massive cock, so, right away, I'm thinking...hmm" He taps his chin to mock what his mind had done right at the moment of being filmed. "...are we flip-flopping? I'm nervous as hell. The idea of that monster being shoved inside me—sheesh..." Jensen shrugs, shaking his head as he eeks out laughter. "Turned out, it was simply me topping him, doing freaky stuff to his cock while I fucked him. It was unreal, but it got me off."
Jared gives Jensen an understanding snicker. "I had already known Tony wanted me to come inside him. I knew how he talked to his own Bottoms...I just didn't know how far he wanted to take the verbal stuff. So, I gave him more of what I knew he wanted—eh...my cock." He tilts his head as he watches Jensen smile behind a hand and then shake his head. "What?"
Jensen starts shuffling his index finger in the air, between their chests. "This...this is what I thought we were like—trading secrets an' swapping horror stories." He turns his head away and shakes it in self-disgust. "I really think I've fucked this up...an' that, oddly, scares me." Jensen hooks his thumbs in the back pockets of his jeans.
Jared waves Jensen over, and when he's near, he holds out his hand, which Jensen takes despite not knowing Jared's intentions. Jared slides off the desk to land on both feet, securing both arms loosely around Jensen's frame. It's as he thought; Jensen immediately tenses his whole body, not ever expecting anyone to even want to embrace or hold him. "I've been wanting to do this for so long." Chin on shoulder bone, he presses his mouth against the laundered shirt and then twists his head to tuck away into the warmth of the neck and softness of the hair. "I don't want to do much else but feel your heart and your breaths against mine."
Hands into fists, placed on the front of Jared's shoulders, Jensen inches forward with his feet. He's never felt this before...the draw and the sexual want coupled with a deeper need for intimacy, like an unspeakable bond of some sort he could never find with anyone else. Just like he thought, Jared is soft and warm, heat building dormant beneath the softer clothing he wears over naked skin. Skin Jensen is finding he very much wants to feel against his own. "god..." He sighs out with a heavy sound, planting his left cheek on the shoulder he was pressing his face into. He's facing away from Jared, able to feel him tucking into his neck and nape, then the strands of his hair. "...jus' tell me I haven't ruined any chance of something..." Jensen lightly pounds his fist at the shoulder joint then sends the opening hand down the biceps. "...of us ever being possible, I guess." He can't think straight about what he truly wants out of a connection with Jared. "No pressure to be a couple or even that we have to fuck to know how we feel."
Jared pulls away to look down at Jensen. "I had no idea you were as neurotic as I can be when it comes to real intimacy." He cups the side of the face, then ventures down to slide along the neck.
"yeah...it's a turn-off."
"no, no...it's kinda nice." Jared smirks, leaning forward to keep their faces mere inches apart. "I'm nothing like I am in those films. I never wanna be that into sex and needing the simple end game to an easy satisfaction." He reaches up to soothe fingers over Jensen's flushed cheek, happy he isn't flinching or turning away like Jensen had in the shower. "I'm fairly 'vanilla' in my own bedroom."
"...so am I." Jensen finds it comforting to realize how alike they are, how it makes it easier to be with Jared than to always fight or struggle to be something to Jared he knows he's not. "Isn't that weird?" He lifts his chin with some confidence. "...wonder what we'd be like together..." Jensen breathes the words into Jared's face, dipping in and out like he's tempting a kiss.
Jared cranes his neck back, squinting down at Jensen in curiosity. "Are you speaking on a private level or...are you trying to get me to do something with you on film for your websites?"
Jensen pulls away, going still, but he's stunned to notice that Jared is joking with him, but almost serious. He doesn't know why he doesn't take the bait and laugh, or tease in kind in response. He has an image of Jared in his head he can't shake and he's unwilling to fathom that he can ever be the submissive Bottom that Jared deserves. But then again, maybe Jared wants him to be a Top or maybe they will switch and—Jensen wants to tell Jared he hasn't even gotten beyond the fingering/anal plug stage...and Jared lifts his chin, touching his chest near his racing heart.
"...hey, hey...where did you go?"
"...huh?" Jensen knows his eyes must look glassy, unfocused.
Jared's hands moves from chin to cheek, back of his hand to the forehead. "You okay? Feeling sick?"
Jensen chokes on his words, not sure he's even felt a more gentle and caring touch to his face or body. "I'm good, I promise." He presses down on Jared's hand on his chest. "I'm good. I just...psychin' myself up to, uh...performing again."
Jared nods his head, once more tenderly petting over Jensen's hair. "It's getting to be that when I have random hook-ups, I run into fans. I don't see them more than once, even if I like them."
"Why?" Jensen clears his throat, keeping eyes lowered. His gaze zeros in on Jared's hands, the intricate muscles of the forearms and wrists.
"Amateur videos are the new rage. I know some porn studios who use those sites like resumes and recruitment. It would be my luck I'd become involved with some guy who has a hidden camera, who doesn't mind filming me in action, then uploads the video to make money off me. His 15 minutes of fame."
"ahhh..." Jensen wonders if Jared had actually had that happen or was he being cautiously paranoid. "I'm gonna, uh...start..." He wildly gestures back and forth to the closet and the floor area where there was room to set the bed up. "...can we keep talking?"
"sure, sure." Jared smiles wide, moving back to the long desk to grab his notes and the marker, returning to the dry erase whiteboard.
Jensen walks out with the raised platform and unfolds the short legs, locking them in place to set the sturdy flat surface on the ground. "Is here good, Jared?" He kicks around the corner edge, looking out to the scope of the rows of student table-desks that grace the tiered lecture hall.
Jared glances over once he backs up. "You can bring it closer to the wall, put it caddy-corner so that every student—even the ones over here to the far right and the ones in the back—can see." He's lucky they gave him a lecture hall that was small and structured with the rows in step-formation—three student table-desks per row.
Jensen bends at the waist to push the platform over, creating a brief patch of skin at the lower back to be exposed.
Jared softly chuckles into his hand as he rubs a wrist over his nose. He's sure Jensen's wardrobe is purposely ill-fitting to a certain degree. If Jensen wasn't showing a bit of collar bone or the flexing biceps or his belly and back...the small strip of pale flesh at the pelvis where hip bones jut out and right below where the pubic hair would begin...it wouldn't be the outfit Jensen wants to be seen in. Jared turns away to regain focus on his handwriting to be read, then the one he was putting on the board.
The shorter, stubby twin mattress is lighter than Jensen expects. Once he has it evenly centered with the platform, he kneels on the floor to set the attaching hooks that make the mattress immovable. He returns to the closet to grab the box of bed linens made for this mattress and finds a good array of pillows; Jared had told him there were "plenty". This is nice; Jensen loves having several pillows on his own bed. As he puts the fitted sheet over the bed and the top sheet down, he takes out freshly laundered pillowcases and snatches the pillows to put everything together as he sits on the mattress.
Jared keeps glancing over, a bit startled that if given a task, Jensen will complete it without complaint. He almost misses the sound of the deep voice. He reaches the end of the board, and the final lines of his notes. Jared recaps the marker to step back and admires his attention to detail. He folds his arms with a smile; he loves seeing all that truth and honest information over the whiteboard. Jared never understood the fears a majority of people had about sex and sexuality. How many had never gotten to know their own bodies nor had they ever had a genuine—real—orgasm. He looks over at Jensen, who has brought over the overnight bag and has opened the zipper compartment to mess with some items he brought.
Jared grabs a random chair, spins it on the axis and sits backward. "Do you need some 'alone' time?"
Jensen raises his head, brow furrowing. "...huh?"
"...to get ready for a 'scene'—what did you do to get yourself hard—hell, what did you end up doing to stay hard and not come like a racehorse?" Jared latches onto the rungs of the chair, leaning back to stretch his spine and crack some bones.
Jensen laughs with Jared, dipping his head. "When I first got in, I kinda spiraled down quick. Drugs...nothing heavy—party favors, mostly. I was a young, egotistical Top—kinda twinky, in my early 20s."
Jared nods his head as if he has seen that footage. "Don't know if I've seen those films."
Jensen motions over his shoulder, like he means in his loft apartment. "I probably have them somewhere in my boxes of personal items, ready to burn them—whenever."
"awww...is the stuff not that good?" Jared doubts very much that Jensen ever made a truly crappy porn flick.
"nah-no...I was just one cocky bastard." Jensen laughs at how pathetic he had been around that time, thinking his shit didn't stink and he was invincible. "I knew men wanted me—older men. I got my fill and then—I don't know...I went extreme the other way. Took in every twink and twinklet I could. Wasn't long after I just fell back into being with guys my own age or several years older—like 2 or 3. I found more in common with them." He shrugs both shoulders, frowning as he recalls the long-ago memories. "In my early years, it took nothing for me to get an erection. The newness of the experience, I suppose. After a year or so, I did have complications finding much to stimulate me, so, yeah...I caved, took Viagra or the equivalent over-the-counter stuff."
"no, uh..." Jared rubs his palms together with a smirk building. "...'fluffer' period?"
"hehehe...why?" Jensen lifts one eyebrow in curiosity; his head looks from left to right, then behind his shoulders. "...are you asking me if you can 'fluff' me before anyone arrives here?"
"Do you need me, Jensen? If you do, just say the word."
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TBC...