Chapter Text
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Bound by the Raven’s blood
- A raven-black feather of fate -
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"Please, hang in there, young master." For the first time, Sebastian sounded worried. Or at least almost worried. As worried as a cold-hearted demon could sound.
Ciel lifted his head and struggled with his brick-heavy eyelids. Weariness lured him like a serene on the high seas. Darkness was waiting for him. He felt the shadows so close to him they were already sliding over his body like eels, devouring him piece by piece. His self. His life. It seemed to be slipping out of his tiny hands.
Ciel fought back the fear, which then crashed down on him like waves and swept him away. Away from this cool grey room, away from the dim flames of the chandelier, far away from the light that seemed to faint, thinner and thinner. Away from the sinister black figure that bent over him like death itself. They raised a hand that looked like a scythe in distant. Ciel squinted his eyes, awaiting the life-ending cut and was shocked to find something cold spreading across his forehead. It was a cold he could not describe. A devilish cold. He shivered.
"I'm sorry, but I have to bring your fever down. It just won’t break." Sebastian swallowed hard and now he sounded panicked. "I honestly have no idea what to do anymore. I'm at my wit's end." His next words were just unintelligible mumbling and too far away, as if swallowed up by the mass of water crashing down on Ciel. The river that opened up seemed to pull him further and further away from his butler. Sebastian's hand reached for his wrist. He gripped it firmly. "Stay with me, my lord. Please, I cannot give you up now."
Ciel intended to reply, but when he opened his mouth he only spat barbaric coughs that took his breath away. In the panic, he remembered. His illness. His critical condition. The moment when the fever went uphill and his condition aimed downhill. But that was all. For more thoughts there was no room in his head.
"Young master, you must breathe!" Two strong hands grabbed him, ten fingers digging into his shoulder. The violent grip robbed him of even more air, as if it were squeezing his throat. Still, Ciel struggled to breathe. Every breath became an incomprehensible agony. A dangerous whistling sound in his ears. He was in the middle of an asthma attack without having noticed it. Knowing it did not make it better. Knowing it didn't make it better at all!
Gasping for breath, he emerged from the imaginative water and took panting, quick puffs of the humidified room air. He clutched his chest, which hurt like hell, as if someone had squeezed his lungs. His heart violently beat against his palm. There was a throbbing in his ears. "Se...ba...sti...an..."
"Shhh, sir. Don't speak." His butler held out a glass of water to him, but Ciel turned his head away. "Please, you must drink something. You will dehydrate otherwise." It was not a convincing argument. "I'll splash the water down your throat if you don't."
Ciel parted his dusty lips and drank willingly. The cool liquid ran over his bitter tongue, down his irritated mucous membranes to his desolate throat, which was numb from pain. His stomach rumbled. Nausea rose up inside him. He bent over but choked nothing but air. Hot, dusty air. He heard Sebastian sigh beside him, but not a word. And if he had, Ciel had deliberately overheard it.
His butler put a hand under his chin, forcing him to look up on his stern face. "The doctor said you won’t get better. Do you know what that means?" There was a pause. "You will die. You will, excuse the expression, fucking die."
Ciel's eyes went wide, trying to grasp what neither his mind nor his heart understood. He had heard the words, absorbed them, but their meaning must have gotten lost. He could make no sense of them.
Although this was not the first time he had been confronted with death.
"Lord, I cannot let this happen." Sebastian's face was a strange mixture of emotions, but only one prevailed and only one was real: despair. "I will save you. For that, I must extend the contract. I will cure you of this disease, but in exchange you will lose something that is important to you. It can be lost temporarily or forever. Since I have never done this myself, I don't know the details. Do you still want to take the risk?"
"What... What will I..."
"Your voice, or maybe a leg. Or your pride. I can't say for sure, but it will probably be something material." Ciel blinked as he understood. Sebastian, however, read him more concern. "It surely won't be your revenge, because that is an integral part of the contract, but..." Sebastian shook his head and smiled. It was a smile that broadly announced that he was hiding something.
"Don't worry too much about the consequences, alright? First of all, it's important that you fully recover. So, close your eyes and leave the worrying to me from now on."
Ciel didn't want to close his eyes, but the sight of Sebastian tired him. So much so that his eyelids fluttered shut and he sank into the pillows. Darkness settled over him like a black curtain, but he was still awake. He was well aware of what was happening, even if he saw nothing. Sebastian's cool hand went to his right eye and removed the patch with two gentle movements. Then ice burned on his lids and ran like fire down his cheeks. Ciel would have screamed, perhaps he had, for he heard nothing. Maybe, the magic had made him deaf.
Sebastian's finger circled on his cheek, collecting the tears like blobs of soul. Then Ciel heard a low hum, a lick. He tensed. Surely Sebastian didn’t plan on eating him, did he? He was sick, damn him!
“No, no, master. Don't tense up like that. It'll be over in a minute." Sebastian's voice sounded different, calm somehow... frighteningly calm and deep like the sea. Ciel didn't listen to the demon’s seductions. "Ts, you really are a child." Sebastian pushed his shoulders down and Ciel unwillingly relaxed. He sank deeper into the mattress. The warmth wrapped around him like a cloak. "I have refreshed the contract and added only this one agreement. I now take this sickness from you."
A stabbing pain spread through his chest when Sebastian placed his hand on it. Ciel gritted his teeth and screamed. This time his scream cut the air and screeched in his ears. It was painful. So exceedingly painful. He had hardly experienced anything more agonising. But it was over just as quickly. His lungs no longer ached and his breathing fell shallow as he drifted into a restful sleep.
***
He dreamt of a raven plucking a single feather from its greying plumage with its pale beak. The majestic bird looked old and sick, like a withered leaf in a winter landscape. As it swung from the thin branch, it lost the ability to fly and plummeted down into the ankle-high snow. Ciel stomped through the white powder, but hesitated to reach his hand out. "Sebastian, is that you?"
The raven didn't answer, instead struggled out of the icy trap with fierce flaps of his wings, landing on the pile of snow beside him. His small, round eyes reflected the pure darkness of the sky. He croaked, but it didn't sound like a word, just a welcome. Ciel stepped from one foot to the other. The wind blew chilly, and the cold of the snow crept up his legs. He stood in his sleep shirt in the middle of a winter dream, surrounded by nothing but glittering white. Just as he was about to ask the raven something else, it shot up like a whirling tornado... and fell. This time Ciel caught it with his hands. The animal was ice cold and shivering despite its fluffed black dress. He hugged it to his chest. Its little heart pounded against his thumb. "Why are you flying away from me?"
This time the raven answered him, but the unbelievable thing was that he recognized that voice. "I didn't want you to see me like this, sir."
"Pfft, so that's you then, Sebastian? What's that? Your new carnival costume?"
"I am what you imagine I am. This is your dream."
"You are a dog."
"I'm sorry to disappoint you. Apparently, I'm a raven." Sebastian, obviously in raven form, looked down at himself. There was something disgusted in his pin eyes. "For whatever reason I'm in such poor shape."
"You don't look well."
"Thanks, I know that myself." Sebastian spread his wings and flew onto Ciel's shoulder, where he made himself comfortable. "Sorry, but your hands were growing cold."
"Hey, don't build a nest up there."
"You're clearly too small for that."
"Hey! What do you- " Sebastian shivered and shielded himself from the freezing wind with a wing. "Are you actually cold?"
"Aren't you, my lord?"
Ciel gave in with a grumble. He was cold, but he didn't have to rub it in the face of the freezing raven on his shoulder. "Let's go somewhere warmer. Out here we'll only catch our deaths."
"Easier said than done. I see nothing but snow for miles around."
"Got a nice lookout, huh?" Ciel started moving to warm up his stiff limbs. With each step he warmed a little more, but the raven on his shoulder shivered and puffed up more. Ciel held out his arms as an offer, but Sebastian did not respond. Instead, he lifted himself into the air, swaying in flight, and staggered right into his hands. "You really can't just accept the easy way, can you? I'll take care of searching and you warm up a bit, okay?"
"Young master, I can't leave you here all by yourself."
"It's a dream, Sebastian." Ciel let out a short laugh. "Or do you think I won't survive my own fantasies?"
"You will, but probably not the blizzard that's coming up."
"What!" Ciel looked over his shoulder to where the dark sky was beset by a white flurry of snow. He turned on his heels and ran for his life. Sebastian fluttered off his shoulder, shooting feather tips like knives. "Sebastian, what the hell are you- " Then he saw it too. A massive wolf with shiny silver fur, a tail that stretched endlessly, and an extreme size that made Ciel feel like a blade of grass in front of a mountain. A huge mouth opened, razor-sharp teeth snapped at him, a bestial stench of blood and flesh invaded his nose. Ciel was so frightened that he forgot how to move his legs. So, he stood rigid before this monster.
"Keep running! I'll distract it."
"Sebastian, you're not in a condition to- " Nevertheless, Ciel kept running. Maybe because he was a selfish person who only thought about his own survival. Maybe because he knew Sebastian would make it. Maybe because it was all just a dream.
Soon he was on a run for what felt like eternities and both the monster and Sebastian were nowhere to be seen. The blizzard had also disappeared from the horizon. It must have been summoned by the snow wolf. Ciel stopped and blew on his hands, which had already turned white. I hope Sebastian’s doing okay. Losing such a good butler like him would be a great loss for the Phantomhives.
But there was always light waiting at the end of the tunnel and Ciel spotted a small hut in the middle of the snowy landscape. He had not recognised it at first, for the roof was laden with snow and the light wood stood out only faintly against the white ground. Ciel beamed with joy and made a run to it. From a distance the hut seemed uninhabited and when he came closer there was no sign of life either. The lanterns were extinguished, and no light filtered through the windows. As he pushed against the solid wooden door, it opened with a soft creak. He groped into the darkness, bumped his hip against what felt like a table and felt for a match. For some strange reason he found one and lit the lantern, which just as coincidentally was in the middle of the tabletop. The inside of the hut lit up and outlines of cupboards, a simple wooden bed and a small kitchen became visible. There was also a stove, into which Ciel threw wood, creating a warm fire. Then he sat down on the bed and stretched. Just as he was about to lie down and rest (he was tired, though being in a dream), there was a knock at the window. A raven was perched on the windowsill. Ciel opened the door and let him flutter in. The animal landed in front of the fireplace, the flames casting a red glow on its black feathers.
"Sebastian, is that you?"
"Yes, I'm still alive." croaked Sebastian, plucking a few feathers until the wooden floor was full of them. "I managed to drive the wolf away. Sorry it took a while, but I see you have found a warm place- "
"Why do you do that?"
"Huh?"
Ciel walked over to him and knelt down to the feathers, taking a particularly shiny one in his hand. "Why do you pluck your feathers... and make such a mess here?"
"They are old and terribly itchy. Besides," Sebastian plucked another feather, "it's soothing, in a weird way."
"Sadist and masochist fused into one."
"I resent such labels. I am a demon. That is a common norm."
"How many demons pluck their feathers?" Sebastian fell silent. "You're a masochist." Sebastian sighed. He seemed to have given up protesting, or maybe, he had no strength left. "Are you tired?"
Sebastian raised his head, which he had buried in his feathers, and assumed a proud posture, but then staggered on his crow's feet. "Probably. I can't say for sure."
"The fight must have been exhausting... in this form."
"In this form, yes."
"Do you want to sleep?" Ciel joined the raven by the fire and offered him a place on his lap.
This time Sebastian accepted and puffed out his chest against him. "Demons don't need sleep."
"Why are you in my dream, anyway?" Sebastian fell silent and a certain unease gripped Ciel. "We are in a dream, aren't we?"
"Yes, we are, but-" Sebastian shook his head. "It's nothing. Nothing of importance."
"You're hiding something." The raven leaned its head against his belly. Ciel saw this as an invitation to pet him. Sebastian's feathers felt surprisingly soft, even if their ends were frayed and clearly ailing. The petting had a calming effect on them both. "You're not feeling well, are you? Did you...?"
"I certainly didn't expect to... well... Oh, it's nothing really. What did I tell you before you went to sleep? Leave the worrying to me."
"You’ve obviously got my illness. You are warm under your feathers."
"An illusion. You're merely projecting things of reality. I think I'm fine."
"You think?" That was a clear sign that Sebastian was trying to talk his way past a lie. "How are you really doing?"
Sebastian laughed hoarsely - an expression of his bitter despair. "After I cast the magic, I fell asleep next to you. That's why we share this dream."
"Wait, what?" Ciel couldn't quite follow. "What will the servants think when they see us both lying next to each other- "
"That we're secretly in a love relationship?"
"Huh?"
Sebastian cleared his throat. "That I cared for you so touchingly and devotedly that I collapsed from exhaustion by your side?"
"Much better." Still, the idea that he was sharing a bed with Sebastian right now in the real world gave him the shivers. Yet he had no problem with his butler nestling against his belly in raven form at that very moment. Who was he lying to? "Sebastian get off me!"
"You offered yourself." Despite his depressed tone, Sebastian made a move to flutter away, but Ciel wrapped his arms around him and hugged him like a stuffed animal.
"I just don't want you to make a nest of me with all your feathers. You're free to be my warmer, of course."
"Surely you're just afraid of your own subconscious."
"Pfft, what ridiculous ideas are you coming up with? You must be having a fever."
"Probably."
And suddenly there was only the crackling of the fire filling the silence. Ciel got himself into a comfortable sitting position, put Sebastian on his lap and threw a lambskin blanket over them. Silence reigned for a while. There were no clocks in this hut and if there had been, they would have gone crazy anyway.
"How do we get out of here anyway?"
"You just have to wake up, sir. But I guess that's going to take a while, considering your body is recovering right now." The more his body seemed to heal, the sicker and weaker Sebastian seemed to become. He could barely keep his raven eyes open, let alone hold his head. His voice was low and had turned into a laboured croak. "There is something I should tell you. The healing didn't go as planned. There were complications."
"Huh?"
"You'll be fine, but I..." Sebastian clearly struggled to say it. "I failed." Ciel stroked him to make it easier for the raven, but also for himself to listen. He had never sensed such uncertainty in Sebastian. "I intended to encapsulate the disease, but I failed. It nested in my humanised body and spread. And then I was overtaken by it."
"Sebastian, are you going to- "
"No, certainly not. A human disease cannot kill a demon. I'll probably recover from it without any consequential damage, but-" Sebastian heaved a long sigh. "I... I feel so weak right now. I... I don't know how to deal with it."
Ciel didn't know how to deal with it either. Sebastian's words hit him like a paralysing blow. He took his arms away from the raven to give him some space. "You are strong. You protected me from that wolf a moment ago."
"Strategies. That was nothing but tactics. Not strength. I hit the wolf with his own weight and turned the Blizzard against him. With sheer physical strength, I would have been inferior to him."
"But only because you were a raven at that moment." Ciel grinned, hoping to wake something in Sebastian. But the raven remained silent. He was too tired from all the drudgery and sickness. "Are you feeling this bad in the real world, too?"
"I don't know. My spirit is here with you right now and..." Sebastian's eyes fell shut. After a brief moment of shock, Ciel realised he had merely fallen asleep. Still, he couldn't shake off the uneasy feeling. His demon was asleep. He was no expert, but he knew that was not a good sign.
Don't worry, I'll look after you. Ciel pressed a gentle kiss to Sebastian's head, just like his father had always done back then when future worries and fears kept him from sleeping. Then Ciel hugged the raven tightly and did not let him go until he woke up.