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He’s been doing it again. Hurting behind a door, away from the eyes of his classmates. Away from his teachers who he trusts, he swears he does, but this… isn’t something they can help him with.
Not something they would understand.
Izuku would say he’s been doing a good job at hiding the bandages around his wrists, around his forearms too. It’s a good thing he’s so clumsy, so reckless, because he blames their existence on trying out a new move or getting in over his head with training again, and it works. Usually all he gets is chiding from Iida, Todoroki and Sero offering to help him during gym classes and Uraraka’s insistence on maintaining a healthy workout.
He sees, however, the way Bakugou looks at him when he lies. He knows. The way Aizawa narrows his eye when Izuku waves a dismissive hand. They know.
He tries not to think about it too much.
But tonight is such a night of overthinking, of remembering things he’d rather forget. The second war held horrors he’d rather leave in the past, things he did that he doesn’t want to remember.
The second war had done so much to them. To everyone. Saving Shigaraki, saving the other League members, killing All For One - a wide grin splits the corner of his mind like a twitching parasite - it had been good .
He’d done too much, though, to receive gifts and cheers and the care that he’d gotten afterwards. Half of him wonders if they’d do any of that knowing what he’d actually done to award them all peace. A world closer to peace, rather.
He’d hated All For One with every fibre of his body, shown it through his actions when they’d fought. Tearing apart someone as cruel as him was satisfying, and it scared Izuku to think he could feel such relief in a person’s death.
The fact that he tore another person apart still plays on his mind, even as he and everyone else justifies that it was the right thing to do. He wonders if there was more he could have done, wonders if he could have done it in a less violent way, wonders if he can rid his mind of the All For One shaped skeleton in his closet.
His mind is a broken record that plays a guilty pleasure song.
It’s been months after that day though, and he still can’t stop questioning what he did. He wakes up, full of sweat and panic, and finds he needs to relieve himself of the stress.
He doesn’t think they’d understand his thoughts. What would they say if they knew?
Guilty over an evil man’s death? They’d call him crazy. Even he thinks he’s gone crazy. When he stares at the bandages, knowing what secrets they hold, he knows he has to be.
So yes, it’s another night of overthinking, and razors, blood and crying. Sinking to his knees in the bathroom as he tries to calm himself down. It takes at least 20 minutes, but his sobs turn into hiccups and his bleeding arms dry through cleaning and bandages.
Still, the ache inside him doesn’t cease. So he knows where he has to go now. It’s routine, at this point, to go find the only man who can soothe him.
See, when Shigaraki was saved, the civilians and Heroes were unnerved at the thought of a Villain being rescued. This made it harder for the public to be negotiated with, as jails and a few police holding cells around the area had been destroyed during the great battle. The ones that were left were used to store the escaped prisoners, of which there were too many to even count. Due to this, the only choice for accommodation left was UA’s basement, a place used to temporarily hold Villain’s and criminals that were captured on campus even before the first war. So Shigaraki had been transported there, where he was escorted to/from each day and checked on 24/7.
It was no prison, far from it when the man was allowed to come and go, provided he was escorted by Aizawa or another capable Hero. The only time he was monitored was when he chose to stay inside to play video games, or at night when he slept.
Despite this drastic and hopefully temporary change, Izuku and Shigaraki had grown to like each other. Shigaraki, more often than not, came out of his cell to either talk to the League (with 2 Heroes and one officer supervising) or talk to Izuku (one officer supervising, since the boy had reassured the Heroes that he could handle the Villain).
The boy never expected it, for him and Shigaraki to start a sort of... friendship. To talk almost every day about anything and everything.
And because the officers and Heroes had been watching them, gradually, supervision lessened until only one officer occupied Shigaraki's space each day. No Heroes at all, not counting Izuku himself.
The freedom was great for him. It meant that, slowly, surely, they would be able to fix Hero Society’s wrongs and work to a better future. It meant that everyone, not just Shigaraki, would have a fighting chance with freedom.
That wasn’t the only reason Izuku felt bonded to Shigaraki, though. No, this man was important to him in many other ways.
You see, he was always the one Izuku went to for stress relief during these dark nights. For he was the only one who could understand, who had to.
UA’s basement was quite a walk to get to, especially when trying not to alert anybody to his disappearance. After months since the second war though, Izuku had learnt how to make it from the dorms, through campus to the basement as silently as he could with the help of shortcuts. Using One For All, he sprinted swiftly to Shigaraki’s holding cell.
In a dark corner of UA’s school building lay the elevator to the basement. His steps echoed off of the walls as he entered and pressed the down button. After a few moments, the elevator opened and Izuku made his way through the hall to the room.
Heroes needed access to this holding cell, thus a key they held tightly when occupying the space. But Izuku was given a key by Shigaraki himself, knowledge that made him flush at the implications of what it meant.
Izuku always had that key with him.
He opens the door and shuts it behind him, back to it as he looks into the bedroom.
There Shigaraki is, staring right back at him, though not in surprise. It's not after the man flicks the lamp on that Izuku can see his gentle smile.
It always feels like Shigaraki is holding him hostage with that gaze. Like Shigaraki is the only one worth looking at in the world, in this lighting.
Izuku can't help but shyly bow his head, keeping himself pressed to the solid surface.
"Come here, Midoriya. I want to see you."
And of course, Izuku follows. He immediately detaches from the door and walks over, slipping his shoes off and climbing onto the end of the bed. He crawls towards Shigaraki, between his legs and over his form, shifting his hands to the side of his body as he makes his way up to the other’s shoulder before collapsing onto it. Burying his nose into the fabric of his sleep shirt, feeling free in his arms, comforted and strange all at once.
He's not used to being touched. To be allowed this kind of affection without awkwardness.
For some reason with Shigaraki, he just never was. Every moment with the man felt natural. Like they were always supposed to be here, together.
Shigaraki presses his lips to his hair, to his forehead, beckons the boy to lift his chin so they can share a soft kiss, slow and wanting. The man wraps Izuku in an arm before shifting the both of them to lie on their sides, continuing to make out.
The Villain has a hold of Izuku's wrists, ready to pin them above, when a thumb smooths across a sealed cut, able to be felt even with the bandages on. He pauses and Izuku is left wondering why until he sees Shigaraki's sober expression.
"Have you been hurting again?"
Izuku feels fresh tears well up in his eyes and they release, falling down his cheeks as he stutters a sob.
"I... I-"
Shigaraki shushes him "Hey, hey. It's okay. I wish you'd told me you were feeling bad, I could have helped you."
Lips press to the raised skin of the cut and Izuku whimpers, wiping his eyes with his other hand. He promised himself he wouldn’t cry this time, wouldn’t be so weak in front of the other, but he could never hold himself together when it came to Shigaraki. It was always so telling of him, he realised; the way he would hold it all in front of the class, while he’d let it all spill out in front of the one man who didn’t even know him that well.
“Carrying the world over your head, Atlas? Just let it drop. Save us both the time and effort!"
No, no, don’t think about him right now.
The scream he let out when Izuku pulled and pulled until the old god’s head ripped off his neck-
No, no, don’t think, don’t thin-
"I prepped myself, you know."
Those words alone clear the memories clouding his head. They're enough to make Izuku snap his head up and blush. Despite the horrible thoughts that previously plagued his mind, he can already feel the tightness in his pants.
"Right here on this bed. Short-circuited the cameras and everything, just for you." Shigaraki says it so sweetly, Izuku could cry harder. He doesn’t deserve that care. He doesn’t deserve to… to be the reason somebody cuts out UA’s camera feed.
"Fuck me however you want, Midoriya. I don't mind. I want you to." He’s still staring, hooded eyes, like the boy hung the stars themselves. He has that shine in his eyes; hunger.
"Shigaraki, p-please..." Izuku doesn't know what to say next. He stopped being worried about their relationship ages ago, but it's not like he's never nervous around the man in general. Around anybody giving him anything, let alone themselves.
Still, his pants are getting tighter, finding himself grinding slowly against the older’s thigh, trying to hold back. He always tries to, just to keep his sanity, maybe speak some sense into their situation (which he really should have by now, this can’t go on forever). But Izuku could never hold back against Shigaraki. He could never do that to the man he saved, could never deny him what he needed.
Instead, he sniffles and whispers "Please... I need it..."
Shigaraki chuckles and plants a kiss on his temple. "Anything for my hero."
From there, they figure out control. Shigaraki leaves the wrists to press him down by the chest and pepper kisses down his chest, stripping him of his button-down shirt as he does so. Izuku can only lay there, lips parting in small moans as the man nips and sucks at his stomach, abs, following his happy trail with a pleased smile before he reaches his goal.
Shigaraki sucks the fabric of his jeans needily, not minding the zipper’s metal taste and choosing to concentrate on the heady scent of musk. Izuku whimpers like a dog in heat, grinding into his mouth, trying uselessly to get more of his groin in as Shigaraki mouths at the spot.
“Ah… Shigaraki, no… come- come on…!” He pleads in a whisper, stuttering when the man laughs, the vibration making him shiver.
Finally, the Villain stops his ministrations and unzips, taking the jeans off with Izuku squirming his way out of them. Clothes thrown off the bed, to the side, and nothing is stopping the man from devouring.
A couple of licks to the head before Shigaraki takes what he can down his throat, wasting no time in getting what he wants, delighting in the way Izuku throws his head back and moans into his hand. Thighs clamp around the Villain’s head, sure he’ll choke him, knows if he used One For All, he’d crush Shigaraki’s skull so easi- parts of All For One’s skull jutting out from his forehead, his scalp no longer veiny flesh but thumping muscle and veins-
Izuku sobs into his hand, frustration lighting him on fire , and he can’t control himself.
He bites into his hand, tasting the blood that seeps out as his other grabs at Shigaraki’s hair and thrusts into his mouth, deeper and deeper. The man chokes when Izuku goes too far, eyes rolling back in that way the boy knows he’s taking pleasure from this too, slack jawed and moaning around the length. He shouldn’t be enjoying this when Izuku is just taking from him, taking when he knows he shouldn’t.
He’s already taken so much, too much just for someone like him, too much even when he knew it was the only way.
With a louder than usual groan, he holds down the Villain and cums down his throat, watching in indulgent satisfaction as Shigaraki drinks it all down like a champ, one rope after another.
Panting, Izuku watches Shigaraki lick up the head, sucking up the last of him like a lollipop. There’s a dazed look in his eyes, hair a mess where it sticks to his forehead and strands sticking to his cheek and neck, no doubt from the sweat. It makes him look hot. It makes Izuku want to grab his phone and take a picture. He wants to kiss him senseless.
Snapped out of his thoughts by a whine, he focuses on the man before him, still between Izuku’s thighs. Though he has his head down, loose hair falling in front of him, and a hand disappearing behind. Izuku now notices the lack of trousers around the other’s hips. At the implications, the boy whimpers, spent cock beginning to harden again.
Shigaraki can’t hold on any longer after that. He never knows what to expect from Midoriya, that’s the best part about him, but his mouth being fucked lit a fire in his veins. He finds friction in the bed sheets beneath him and grinds his dick against the mattress, his hand moving to his hole. Shigaraki stuffs himself with as much as he can, already loose from prepping before, and huffs in his own frustration when he can’t reach as far as he wants to.
At the whimper, he looks up to see the boy already half hard, thighs still shaking from his release. The man laughs, gravelly and raw.
“Ready to go again? That was fast.”
Izuku blushes hard, unable to say anything as even he can’t come up with an excuse.
“That’s what I love about you, Midoriya,” Shigaraki’s tone lowers, his hand not currently occupied snakes its way up to Izuku’s cock, slowly pumping, “You’re always ready.”
The boy’s moan teeters off into a whine, watching his cock being teased and played with, eyes darting back and forth to the Villain’s hips grinding into a place he can’t see.
Above him, Izuku thinks he sees the flicker of a red light switch on and off, the camera’s that were supposedly short-circuited. Panic rushes through him for a moment, the thought of being caught, exposed on camera, causing his stomach drop. To his embarrassment, his dick twitches in interest.
When he looks up, he finds the camera hanging limp, still disabled. Was it a trick of the eye? A trick Shigaraki was playing on him? He wouldn’t, would he? Just to get his rocks off?
A frustrated groan interrupts his thoughts when Shigaraki finally takes his hand away from his hole, the other slowing down his pumps until his grip ends at the head, a couple of beads of precum escaping, causing Izuku to groan painfully (the action still sends his stomach somersaulting).
“Okay, switch.” The man speaks gruffly, taking Izuku by the sides and flipping them over. Shigaraki now lays against the bedsheets while Izuku takes up the space between his legs.
Izuku takes a moment to stare, appreciating the hole in front of him that gapes just enough to know it’s been opened for him. All for his cock.
He takes himself in hand and presses against the man, stays there for a second before thrusting the head in, letting out a muffled groan along with Shigaraki.
"Do you remember, ah , the day you saved me? When you killed him?"
Izuku stops and stares down at the man, who looks practically fucked out already, white cloud of hair draped across his pillow and hands fisted in the sheets. Shigaraki almost has a delirious look on his face, that smile of his spreading wide.
"I can still remember the smell when you cracked his head open. I was so happy, you were the only one who saved me!"
Izuku shut his eyes tight, willing the imagery to go away but he could still see it; AFO yelling at him and surging forwards, Izuku throttling him again and again, their blood mixing as they tore into each other.
At some point, Izuku had hit a vulnerable point, causing the old god-like man to delay, and that was all Izuku could remember before everything became a blur. The rest is a mess of bones, split skin and… and visions.
Visions that come and go when they like. They haunt the back of Izuku’s mind no matter how much he wants to forget them. He grabs the razor most days after a nightmare, a hurried stress relief even though, afterwards, dread fills his mind and tears spill from his eyes.
And in the mess of those visions is a familiar Villain, white dirty hair from months spent in the Void, in that cave. Crimson eyes piercing through the darkness of that otherworldly place, watching with happiness and relief as the boy he longed to help him finally arrived to his rescue.
He pressed further into Shigaraki, leaving the man no time to talk. Izuku groaned at the tightness, and from there, he set a brutal pace, not caring if anybody heard or if the cameras turned back on or if everybody in UA could hear the headboard of Shigaraki's bed hitting the wall.
Still, the Villain spoke. Rather, moaned, voice pitching ever higher in pleasure.
"W-when you smashed a hole through him! When you- Oh! - when you crushed his skull right then and there, right in front of me! Ah, it was amazing! Fuck, Midoriya, harder! Fuck me!"
And Izuku did. He wasn't sure if he set off One For All, his mind and self control half gone from the topic, not caring what percentage he was demolishing Shigaraki's insides with, just wanting to get the frustration of everything out, stamp down those memories until they were nothing.
"Do- don't stop!" Shigaraki sobbed, the spot he couldn’t reach being abused and sending him into orbit, the rough pace making his eyes roll back.
"Don't stop! Love you! Lo-love you, Midoriya!"
Arching his back, Shigaraki came over his stomach and something in Izuku snapped, taking the man's waist in a bruising grip and slamming home, tears in his eyes as he gasped and grunted out a "Love... love you too! Shigaraki! " and came inside.
His cheeks were still wet as he continued to push in, thrusts slowing as he rode out the high of his orgasm.
Both stayed there for a moment, catching their breath in the dim room, Shigaraki staring up at the ceiling while Izuku stared down at... nothing. Well, his eyes were on the place where the Villain's hole swallowed his dick, but vision swayed unsteadily.
The thought of leaving, of returning back to that empty soulless room of his made him want to cry all over again, scratch at the cuts on his wrist until they bled once more. He didn't want to leave the safest place in his mind right now. He wanted to be buried deep in Shigaraki's being forever.
Instead of pulling out, he slumped forward and curled up on top of Shigaraki, still inside him, and swept the man up in his arms. Beginning to get comfortable, weaving his legs inbetween Shigaraki’s sleepily.
Shigaraki grunted a rough "Get out. G'outta me." but Izuku shook his head against his chest, sleep pulling on his mind. Quietly, he whispered against the man’s chest.
"I want to stay here, with you. Please. Just until morning."
He rubbed his face into Shigaraki's cleavage possessively, like a toddler refusing to leave the playground.
"Don't make me go back... I don’t want to..."
The Villain stayed silent for a moment before sighing and draping an arm around the boy's back, holding him close. He could feel it in the air, like everything charged had gone and left them with the emptiness of their hearts.
"Okay." Shigaraki managed out.
No matter how much Shigaraki wanted to play this off as nothing or everything, Izuku knew the man was sympathetic to his troubles, because he had the same emptiness. No one understood what they'd been through.
Only they were cursed with the knowledge of what had happened. They alone carried burning torches set to the last match.
They alone knew each other's pain, and nobody else.
After those nightmares and cuts, the white hair never leaves his mind. The deep red of those eyes never leaves either.
He finds himself searching for All For One’s quirk, constantly checking on the man it had latched onto. He’s the only one who was there when it happened. He’s the only one who understands.
Izuku approaches a door in UA’s basement. It’s a holding cell for none other than the man he seeks, the man who can take the pain away. The man he’s tied to, forever, until their quirks choose to rip them from the earth.
Izuku takes out the key and unlocks the door, waiting, back against the solid surface, for Shigaraki to speak. As he always has ever since that day.