Archive of Our Own

Doyoung wouldn’t call himself complicated. In fact, if ever asked, he would say he was a simple guy in a complicated world. Life was easy to him, mundane almost.

Which is why when his best friend suggested the ludicrous idea of a picnic, he laughed. For a good two minutes, may he add. Taeyong had rolled his eyes and insisted that Doyoung take some time out to enjoy life, and that time alone would help resolve the absence Doyoung felt in his heart.

But Doyoung assured him there was no such absence. Plus, he didn’t see the point in taking time out to ‘enjoy’ life. He would say he already was. He enjoyed his job, he enjoyed his walk to work, the taste of coffee in his 40-minute lunch break, the same sushi he’d pick out every day from the convenience store (although if he felt adventurous, he did opt for the ramen). Sure, it wasn’t cliff diving or jumping through flaming hoops, but Doyoung enjoyed his routine. It was familiar. It was safe.

“Listen,” Taeyong had let out a deep sigh, seemingly frustrated with Doyoung’s stubbornness, “Just try it. Who knows, you might enjoy it?”

“What’s the incentive? The reasoning? Seems pretty pointless,” Doyoung had retorted back to the elder, although he stood shorter than Doyoung.

Taeyong was silent for a second, and Doyoung mistakenly took that as his victory, “I’ll buy you the Nintendo switch you’ve been eyeing for a year.”

Yeah. He was going on a picnic.

And that was how he found himself by the riverside, laying on top of a little red chequered blanket, with his basket residing next to him. Taeyong had kindly prepared some sandwiches and baked goods for him, complaining that convenience store food has too many different chemicals. Most food had chemicals, especially the lollipops Taeyong had been favouring lately, but Doyoung would be lying if he didn’t miss homemade food, so he had bit his tongue in that conversation.

He pulled out a sandwich, unwrapping the clingfilm. It seemed to suit his taste. He had found a spot between two trees, where the sun peeked through leaving soft kisses on his skin. The sky was clear of any clouds, and Doyoung could see birds and kites in the air, so free as the slight breeze guided them. He watched as a kid eagerly pulled a balloon behind her, her mother in step as the two animatedly talked between themselves. He wondered how high he’d float if he was as light as a balloon, if he could make it to the comfort of the stars, or if he’d be devoid of light stranded endlessly in space.

He suddenly felt a loss of appetite.

“Can I have one if you’re uninterested?”

Doyoung’s head snapped back, and he saw a man around his age hovering above him, a gentle smile on his face.

“Excuse me?” Doyoung’s tone was rather harsh, unintentionally. He just disliked disruptions.

“Uh sorry,” the man scratched the back of his head awkwardly, “I was just trying to make small talk.”

“With a complete stranger?” Doyoung blinked.

“Yes?”

On any other day, Doyoung would not entertain such people. He really had no patience for such antics but today, as he sat by the river and let this melancholic mood rest over him, he couldn’t help but pat the spot next to him and offer the strange man a sandwich.

“What brings you here?” The guy asked, and Doyoung shrugged.

Sure, it was Taeyong, but Doyoung knew himself better than to be so easily coerced into things he didn’t want to do. Why was Doyoung here?

“A picnic,” he replied simply, and it wasn’t a lie.

The guy hummed in response, “My name’s Jaehyun by the way.” He glanced at Doyoung, “You?”

“Doyoung. Kim Doyoung.”

“Well Kim Doyoung, I am pleased to make your acquaintance.” Jaehyun seemed kind, telling from his overall demeanour. Although Doyoung wrote him off as not being worth anything. Maybe he was an author, or an artist. Of course, Doyoung had no problem with people of the arts, his best friend Taeyong was a dancer himself. He just never saw the appeal of it. There was too much uncertainty, and that was only one of the cons that outweighed the little pros.

“Likewise.”

“So, what do you do for fun?” Jaehyun asked with his mouth full, reaching in for his 2nd sandwich. Doyoung wondered if he was homeless but judging from his designer jacket and the iPhone 11 by his side, he figured not.

Doyoung pondered on the question for a moment. He didn’t really know what the question meant. Was this something he was doing for fun? Well, he would be getting a Nintendo switch soon, and that was for fun. Although, he did only allow himself 30 minutes of console time daily to increase his productivity levels.

“Picnics,” Doyoung replied in the end.

Jaehyun nodded, taking a sip of the lemonade Doyoung had graciously provided, “Alone?”

“Yeah,” It had never occurred to Doyoung that being alone on a picnic might be considered weird, but Taeyong never offered to come, and all his other friends didn’t seem like viable options, “Is that strange to you?”

Jaehyun shook his head, eyes wide, “No, god, sorry if I’ve offended you. I think it’s a nice way to refresh your head, it’s cute. Yeah.”

Doyoung raised an eyebrow, “Relax. I wasn’t offended.”

“Oh,” Jaehyun’s cheeks looked a little pink now, “Good. Great. Fantasti-“

“You really do ramble,” Doyoung stated, matter of factly.

Jaehyun laughed, and Doyoung failed to see what was funny, “Yeah I do, I just don’t really like the silence that much.”

That was interesting to Doyoung. Maybe Jaehyun’s character was a lot more complex than he first thought. He crossed his legs and turned slightly to the boy, who was sprawled out on the picnic blanket. To most bystanders, it probably looked like Doyoung was the guest, rather than the other way round.

“How come?”

Jaehyun seemed to not have heard the boy, lost in thought as the clouds moved past them. It felt like the entire world was moving around Doyoung, yet he was stuck. In his little cubicle, with the same people and the same life, every day. Doyoung didn’t think he was tired of it, he thought he was enjoying himself, although the way his chest felt heavy indicated otherwise.

“Too many thoughts,” Jaehyun replied after a while, much to Doyoung’s surprise, “It’s a little overwhelming sometimes.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.” Doyoung felt at a loss of words.

Jaehyun shook his head, “No, no, it’s not your fault. It’s just how it is.” He turned to look back at Doyoung, his eyes clouded, “Are you content with where you are right now?”

Why would a random stranger ask him such a question, Doyoung wondered?

“Yeah, I think so,” Doyoung looked down at his lap, wiping the crumbs off slowly, “You think I’m not?”

“I don’t really know you to make that sort of claim. I was just wondering if other people felt my level of discontentment sometimes.” Jaehyun was definitely more complex than Doyoung thought. He just remained silent.

“It’s okay though, I followed my heart and that’s all that matters right? I’m just anxious it was all for nothing,” Jaehyun breathed out, sitting up, “Sorry, you’re just here for a picnic and here I am, acting like you’re my therapist.”

Doyoung laughed, catching Jaehyun’s eye, “No, it’s alright. Tell me more.”

Jaehyun seemed hesitant for a second, before continuing, “Well, my dad wanted me to be a businessman just like him, but it’s just so boring. All these numbers and papers and well,” Jaehyun seemed embarrassed, “I really like teaching. I’ve always been helping my little brother with his homework, and God, I practically raised him thinking about it. So I lied and told him I had enrolled into business when I didn’t.”

“Business isn’t just papers and numbers you know,” Doyoung retorted.

“Business man?” Jaehyun asked shyly.

Doyoung nodded, grinning at the way Jaehyun’s cheeks blazed red.

“Sorry, I, god, such an idiot,” Jaehyun buried his head in his hands, a long groan following afterwards.

“It’s all good, I get it from my best friend all the time,” Doyoung shook his shoulder gently, “Tell me the rest.”

“Really?” Jaehyun looked up, meeting Doyoung’s eyes, “Even after I offended you?”

Doyoung rolled his eyes, “You didn’t offend me. Now hurry up before I lose interest.”

“Yes sir,” Doyoung wondered why Jaehyun smiled so brightly, “So, university was fine. I had a lot of fun, and then after, I took a gap year. I didn’t know what to do, or how to tell him, so I was across the globe just searching for an answer.” Jaehyun sighed, “Didn’t find one, really. My friends coerced me into applying for some primary schools nearby, and I don’t know, what if they reject me and my entire life was a stupid lie?”

“Jaehyun-“

“Or even worse, they accept me, and I have to tell my dad what a failure his son is,” Jaehyun groaned again, a small pout on his lips. Doyoung thought he looked cute. Maybe.

“Jaehyun,” Doyoung spoke more sternly this time, and the younger looked up, “You’re not a failure in any right, I mean you completed university which is a great accomplishment in itself, and it’s not like you’ll run out of primary schools to apply to.” Doyoung leaned in closer, whispering, “These kids just won’t stop coming.”

Jaehyun laughed, and Doyoung found he liked it when he did. His laugh was sweet, a little deep sometimes, but it made the butterflies in his stomach fly around, “Plus, wouldn’t you rather do something you love, and help loads of people, then be miserable for the rest of your life doing numbers and papers?”

“I guess,” Jaehyun was fiddling with his fingers, “What if I suck?”

“No way, I can already tell you’re a really good guy,” Doyoung reassured, and sure, Doyoung didn’t know Jaehyun at all, but the words still meant a lot to Jaehyun regardless.

“Thanks, I do feel a bit better,” the younger took out a cookie, almost moaning when he took a bite, “These are so fucking good. Who made these? Your mum, your girlfriend? Or boyfriend, if you’re into it, if not then I mean-“

“You’re rambling again,” Doyoung shook his head, tutting, “It’s not a very businessman habit. Glad you’ll never be my co-worker.”

Jaehyun smiled sheepishly, his lips coated in crumbs. Maybe it’d be too much to lean in and kiss brush them off.

“My best friend made them, and yeah I do swing that way,” Doyoung shrugged, “Although my last relationship was probably 2 years ago.”

Ah yes, Doyoung remembered Yuta well. He was athletic, he knew how to cook Doyoung’s ramen just right, and not to mention he was a God with his fingers. Still, they broke up with mutual feelings, that maybe they were just on two different paths and with a promise to keep in touch. They never did.

“How come?” Jaehyun asked, “No room in that stone cold business heart of yours?”

Doyoung chuckled, and internally he wished Jaehyun wouldn’t entice such reactions out of him, “Just never met the right person, I guess. Little time when you’re on the clock.”

Jaehyun nodded, “Which clock is this?”

“The life clock, of course!” Doyoung half-yelled, exasperated, “Time is very precious.”

“Wouldn’t you like to spend it with someone you love then?”

Doyoung wondered why Jaehyun had such questions that Doyoung didn’t know how to answer. Or maybe the issue was he knew what he wanted, just not how to get it.

“I’m not really a sociable guy,” Doyoung leaned back now, using his backpack as a pillow.

Jaehyun snorted, “I’m a complete stranger, remember?”

Doyoung turned his side to face the younger, who had also copied him in laying down, and was staring up at him with his big eyes. It made Doyoung feel funny inside.

“You just caught me at a weak point, it won’t happen again.”

“Oh?” Jaehyun’s tone was teasing, “Guess we’ll just have to become friends.”

“Whatever,” Doyoung scoffed, which just caused Jaehyun to laugh.

They found themselves in conversation about stupid things after that, with Jaehyun almost screaming about how people who bite ice lollies are insane, and Doyoung rebutting that Jaehyun was just still a child with baby teeth. Jaehyun insisted all his teeth were adults.

When Jaehyun left an hour later, Doyoung found himself staring at the contact Jaehyun eagerly made for himself in the elder’s phone. It felt weird. He had just come on a picnic, to just sit and relax, eat some of the food Taeyong made (Jaehyun ate 90% of it), yet he felt as if he had more questions about himself then when he first came. What kind of enjoyment was this anyway? To be sitting here realising he felt the exact discontentment Jaehyun spoke so freely about, yet he couldn’t admit that to himself. He had spent too much time and hard work to be where he was now. Time is precious to him.

So he walked home listening to the silence that day, picnic basket in one hand and backpack swung over his shoulder. Jaehyun was right, after all. The thoughts were too overwhelming.

~~

“You got the report ready?”

Doyoung held back from rolling his eyes, instead turning to smile sarcastically at his co-worker, “Of course I do Ten, do I look like an idiot to you?”

Ten didn’t have the decency to not roll his eyes, “Only on Tuesdays.”

Doyoung simply decided to not entertain him with a reply, and trailed behind the smaller man into the lift, where he watched people scurrying down below through the glass walls.

Doyoung felt privileged to have such a nice work place, certainly much better than when he first got out of university. There was a huge cafeteria for staff on the first floor (Doyoung still preferred his convenience store food), a little coffee shop located on the ground floor, and the place was decorated with a sleek grey monochrome interior. His favourite place though, and where he spent all his breaks, was the 12th floor balcony. It overlooked most of the city, regardless of not being the top floor. Everything looked so small below, meaningless almost. He imagined being a giant and squashing all the cars. Plus, he loved watching the sun melt into the ocean, pinks and purples painting the sky. When he would eventually leave, the cold air felt new, refreshing, to his lungs. It was a routine he enjoyed.

“Heard the boss’ son is attending today,” Ten nudged Doyoung, much to his annoyance, “Hot guy. Would want to hop on that.”

Doyoung snorted, “Where do you even hear this shit?”

“Around,” Ten shrugged at him, “You know me, I can appreciate a good face.”

“I wish I didn’t,” Doyoung huffed, sliding out the lift before Ten could reply.

The meeting was long. Regardless, Doyoung felt proud of his report about the growth of digital advertising and its effect on the stock market; he had spent a lot of time making the graphs (he even colour coded it all). The executives and senior staff seemed impressed too, which was always a bonus. Doyoung needed to leave a good impression on his future co-workers.

Although he was quite annoyed at one guy at the back, who kept glancing down at his phone. Not only this, but he was dressed like he came from a frat party. Business etiquette was very important to Doyoung.

“Rich people can do whatever they want,” Doyoung had angrily muttered to Ten after his presentation, who nodded in agreement, “I’d kill to have a seat at this table.”

“Soon, buddy,” Ten had replied, and Doyoung sighed. It was a dream, he supposed, and those were meant to be unrealistic. Doyoung’s reality lay much more in the position he was currently in, and maybe if he was lucky, he could get promoted to a managerial role in the next 5-10 years.

The boss had requested a word with Doyoung and Ten after.

“Welcome gentlemen,” He smiled at them warmly, and both Doyoung and Ten bowed in response, echoing his welcome.

“Ah, let’s get straight to it then,” the older man picked up a file from the table, placing it in Ten’s hands, “Ten, I’d like you to oversee the digital marketing project, Code 825, with the executives, being the front man for this department.”

“Wait, for real? Me?” Doyoung nudged Ten in the side, “I mean, this is an honour sir. Thank you so much for this opportunity.” Ten was now just blurting out words, and their boss laughed.

“Just get it done well. You’re dismissed.” Ten bowed his head and wished Doyoung luck as he walked out the room quickly.

Doyoung couldn’t help but feel slightly jealous. He would have killed to get such a major role, and the benefits of getting to know the higher paying clients personally is much better experience than working for another 5 years would be. Ten would be exposed to many different kinds of connections and opportunities. Life felt unfair in this moment.

“And you, Doyoung, I have a special request.” Doyoung’s interest was immediately piqued. If Ten had gotten such a good role, Doyoung must be receiving one much better. His work ethic was 10 times Ten’s, plus it was his research that stunned the executives.

“Anything,” Doyoung replied eagerly, trying to stay level-headed. Too much excitement would simply be unprofessional.

The boss nodded, signalling for someone to come inside the room. Doyoung hadn’t realised anyone was back there.

“This is my son, Jaehyun. I’d like for you to let him shadow you, show him the ropes, just for a few months so he can find his footing here. You are one of my best workers.”

God must have a vendetta against Doyoung. He must have done something horrible in his past life. Jaehyun brushed his hair from his face, and nervously adjusted his shirt (that had palm trees, yes palm trees, printed on them).

Doyoung nodded, feeling a little dizzy, “Of course. It would be my honour.”

Jaehyun smiled sheepishly beside his dad, and if looks could kill, Doyoung guaranteed Jaehyun would be a pool of blood on the floor.

“Best leave you two to it. Behave well Jaehyun,” he left afterwards and Doyoung bowed his head out of respect. Although no one must respect him, he thought he was just a glorified babysitter.

Doyoung breathed out. He needed to stay calm.

“So, when you said you’d hate it if we were co-workers…” Jaehyun trailed off, laughing awkwardly. Doyoung glared at him. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Jaehyun took his silence as a yes, stepping out of the room slowly.

Doyoung was going to kill someone.

~~

“Okay, okay, calm down. How is this my fault?” Taeyong threw his hands up in defence as Doyoung stormed around the room.

“You sent me on that picnic, where I met him in the first place!” Doyoung yelled, crossing his arms, “I bet he set this up. Why would he want to destroy my life?”

Taeyong dropped his hands, “Come on Doie-bear, I doubt he knew this would happen when he met you.” Taeyong handed Doyoung a glass of water cautiously, who just sighed, shaking his head.

“Thanks but no thanks,” Taeyong placed the cup down, “It’s just I work my ass off in this shitty job just for Ten to get the fucking dream role, and I’m here watching some grown man baby.”

Taeyong pulled Doyoung’s arm, and the two of them walked over to the sofa, “Come on now, I mean he is your boss’ son. That’s the most connections you would ever need.”

“I guess,” Doyoung trailed off, resting his head on Taeyong’s lap. Taeyong rubbed his forehead tenderly, “I just wish my work could amount to something.”

“It does, of course it does. You did amazing today, your research is going to help the project so much,” Taeyong enthused.

“Stupid project,” Doyoung muttered bitterly, “What’s even the point, it’s so meaningless in the grand scheme of things.”

Taeyong hummed knowingly, “You sure this isn’t about more than your babysitting job?”

“Yeah.” Doyoung swallowed hard. He was overwhelmed with this feeling that he’s been running in circles his whole life, chasing this idea of satisfaction that he doesn’t know if he’s ever felt. He can’t place a moment in his life where he was proud, truly proud, of what he did.

“Yongie-bear,” Doyoung mumbled, and Taeyong glanced down at him worried. Doyoung rarely used that nickname, “Are you happy dancing?”

“I am,” Doyoung admired the smile on Taeyong’s face, “It’s the best thing ever. I love the way I feel when dancing, you know?”

Doyoung nodded.

He didn’t know.

“Was street performing the other day,” Taeyong carried on, talking with his hands now, “And this little girl came up and told me she wanted to dance just like me. That’s so cool.”

“Don’t let the fame get to your head,” Doyoung snickered, “You’re still lame.”

Taeyong rolled his eyes, yet the light in them never flickered, “Still. I felt like I was doing what I was born to do, dance.”

If Doyoung was born to be stuck in an office for the rest of his life, then life really was cruel.

~~

Doyoung prided himself on his work efficiency and quality. He wasn’t going to let that falter due to a little misstep in his plans. He’d conquer the challenge that is Jeong Jaehyun, and then use him to get promoted. It was only fair, he thought.

That is why Doyoung was now sitting on Jaehyun’s bed as the younger pulled out the entire contents of his cupboard. Jaehyun was not going to show up looking like a failure under his watch.

“Why do you own this?” Doyoung raised an eyebrow at the leather jacket with spikes, and Jaehyun shrugged.

“Phase when I was 17,” Jaehyun glanced around his room, “Yeah, I haven’t cleared out in a while.”

Doyoung sighed, gathering a few items of clothing and dumping them in a pile, “Trash pile.”

“Wait,” Jaehyun whined (this just added to Doyoung’s man baby theory), “I don’t want to throw anything away.”

“Jaehyun, if you want to be a businessman, you have to look the part.” Jaehyun pouted as Doyoung’s stern tone, turning back to pull out his dress shirts. Doyoung sighed. This was going to be harder than he thought.

“I don’t want to be a business man,” Jaehyun mumbled, his back still turned away, “This is stupid.”

“I don’t care what you want, I’d simply like to keep my job thank you,” Doyoung muttered angrily, making a nice pile of folded white shirts, “I’m not any happier about this than you.”

Jaehyun didn’t say anything after that. Maybe Doyoung was a little too mean.

The two of them worked in silence, a sour mood in the air.

Doyoung hated the way his heart tugged seeing Jaehyun upset in the corner.

“Jaehyun, hey,” Doyoung also hated how he so easily broke character around Jaehyun, “Don’t be sad now, I’m sorry for being mean.”

Jaehyun shook his head, looking towards Doyoung, his eyes watery, “It’s not you. I just wanted to wear these clothes to teach, you know.”

Doyoung crawled over and sat next to the younger, nodding, “What happened?”

“I got accepted, and my dad was so angry,” His voice cracked slightly, “I don’t know how to live without him or his approval, he’s all I’ve ever known.” Jaehyun hiccupped, and if he didn’t have tears streaming down his face, Doyoung would have certainly teased him.

“I said no to them in the end, God I’m so stupid,” Doyoung wrapped his arms around Jaehyun, letting the boy cry into his shirt. It didn’t matter if this shirt was newly washed and if Doyoung had spent 14 minutes carefully ironing it. As long as Jaehyun felt better.

“You’re not stupid, I mean if you ever wanted to apply again, you’d certainly get in,” Doyoung stroked the back of his neck gently, “We can work on it together if you want. You are stuck with me for a few months.”

“I don’t see it as being stuck,” Jaehyun spoke quietly, his voice hoarse. He sat up, wiping his tears with the back of his hands, “Thank you, anyway. I should start paying you for this.”

Doyoung snorted, “As long as you pay better than your dad.”

Jaehyun laughed. A laugh that had kept Doyoung’s thought occupied the night before.

“Can we go somewhere? Can I take you somewhere? Just a little break?” Doyoung hated breaking from his routine. He had planned to leave by 7pm, to get home for 7:30 pm where he would shower and prepare dinner at 8:15pm. However, he couldn’t say no to those eyes.

~~

Doyoung had never visited an animal shelter before.

It wasn’t that he didn’t care for stray animals, but rather it wasn’t really a thought that ever crossed his mind. Plus, he never had the time for such things in his busy scheduled days. Therefore, he allowed other people to care for these matters, and was surprised to find someone of Jaehyun’s status so interested in this.

“I always come here,” Jaehyun seemed a lot happier as they walked into the reception, being greeted by the cool rush of the AC, “There’s a little kitty here, I named him Mr Meoskers, and he is so cute, and I love him, but my dad says why get a cat from here? He thinks it’s lame so, kitty stays here alone,” Jaehyun frowns, “I know I’m rambling, but I just want him to be loved, you know?”

“Maybe someone will adopt him,” Doyoung reassures, patting the younger’s back. The staff seem to let them in wordlessly, and Doyoung figures Jaehyun must be a regular visitor.

The younger boy suddenly jumps up, stopping before a cage, “Hey baby, how’s my little baby?”

Doyoung, for some reason, was very jealous of a cat.

“I bought a friend with me, you wanna see him?” Jaehyun turned back to Doyoung, ushering him closer. He unlocked the cat’s gate and the little kitten wobbles out, falling over into Jaehyun’s arms.

“No one wants him just because he’s a little chubby. Why does that matter?” Jaehyun huffed, stroking the kitten’s belly softly. The kitten purrs, and Doyoung was suddenly reminded of Taeyong. Maybe he deserved more credit for his cat noises.

Doyoung leaned down, glancing at Jaehyun for guidance.

“Stay seated, he just wants to know if you’re friendly,” so Doyoung does, and after a few minutes, the kitten stands back up, strolling over to where he was seated. His tail rubs against Doyoung’s hand, and the elder finds himself giggling at the touch.

(Jaehyun thinks he’d like to hear that sound more).

“Hey there, handsome,” Doyoung cooed, rubbing the top of her head softly. The kitten lets out a little yawn, deciding to curl up in Doyoung’s arms.

Doyoung watches in awe, stroking his backside, “He’s tired Jaehyun, shouldn’t we let him sleep?”

“It’s okay, he knows to go back in his cage if he’s really tired.” Jaehyun replies, intent on watching the two of them. It seemed domestic in a sense, and Jaehyun didn’t know why he could picture Doyoung and Mr Meoskers growing old together.

He was suddenly very jealous of a cat.

Doyoung nods, his full attention back on the kitten in his arms. He suddenly feels angry with himself for not ever having an interest in the welfare of animals such as Mr Meoskers. He felt even angrier that no one wanted the animals here, and a part of him felt the need to fit them all into his tiny apartment.

A few moments pass, and Doyoung starts telling Mr Meoskers about the Taeyong incident where he accidently brought home 5 stray cats and his roommate thought he was insane and imagining cats everywhere. Jaehyun laughs along; Doyoung glances up and he’s in shock, because Jaehyun looks so beautiful, the harsh fluorescent lights can’t hide the sparkle in his eyes, or the way his t-shirt sticks to his skin in just the right places.

“I guess you were just really comfortable,” Jaehyun chuckles, pointing to the sleeping kitten in his arms, “We should let him sleep properly.”

“But…” Doyoung trails off, clutching Mr Meoskers closer for a second, “I’ll miss him.”

“You’ve known him for about 20 minutes,” Jaehyun retorts, and Doyoung sighs. A lifelong bond doesn’t take a long time to make, Doyoung wants to say, but as he watches Jaehyun adjust the kitten’s bed for him, the words don’t make it out his throat.

“Still, will you bring me back?” Doyoung gently places the sleeping kitten into his bed and locks the cage. He felt wrong to just leave all these animals here with no homes.

“Promise.” Doyoung feels relieved at his answer, and the two of them thank the staff for their time and service, before walking back to Jaehyun’s car. Even though the experience was short, Doyoung felt glad Jaehyun had asked him to come along. Maybe life couldn’t be compartmentalised so easily.

~~

Maybe Doyoung ate dinner over at Jaehyun’s house at 9:51pm which was completely off schedule, and maybe he was forced to shower in the morning meaning he couldn’t grab his sushi for lunch. However, it was all worth it as Jaehyun walked through the door, blazer tugging his body tightly, hair slicked back and lips still pink and soft.

After their little excursion, Doyoung had convinced Jaehyun to get rid of most of his clothes, and give them to charity, keeping a few formal fits for work and a lot of primary school teacher fits. They’d come in handy in the future, Doyoung was certain.

“Hey Doyoung,” Jaehyun waved, and suddenly Doyoung was reminded he was at work, with Ten in the cubicle opposite him, making a rather graphic motion with his hands, and the rest of his team watching as Jaehyun walked over to the elder.

“Hey,” Doyoung replies quickly, pulling a seat out for him, “Sit, I’ll show you the computer system.”

Jaehyun sighed. He felt like a deflated balloon. “That’s so boring, why don’t we do an office tour?”

Doyoung gritted his teeth. He had too much work to be babysitting, “Okay, so take a look around this room,” so Jaehyun did, eyes wide as he noted the surroundings, “Good, office tour done.”

“What?” Jaehyun exclaimed, “That’s so lame, come on, Doyoung please.”

Doyoung glanced at the time. He had 30 minutes until his break, so it was unlikely he could get any real work done in that time, especially with Jaehyun breathing down his neck.

“Fine, follow me.” Doyoung logged out of his computer and stalked out the door in a fast pace, with Jaehyun almost tripping over trying to catch up. Doyoung enters the lift, waiting for the younger to catch up. He had broken out in a jog now, holding his hand out as if he was hailing a taxi.

“You’re slow,” Doyoung retorts as Jaehyun rests his head against the elder’s shoulder, out of breath, “We’re going to the 12th floor.”

The lift door closes.

“The 12th floor?” Jaehyun pants out.

“Yeah, it’s my favourite spot,” Doyoung replied. The lift door opens, and he walks down the corridor, making a sharp left turn and slipping through the double doors, where he’s greeted by the sun’s love. It’s empty, as usual, as most employees are working, and certainly prefer the lounge area on a winter’s day like today.

“Nice place,” Jaehyun breathes out next to him, his hands on his knees as he regains his breath, “God, you walk fast.”

Doyoung motions for him to come sit at the picnic bench, and when Jaehyun looks up, the elder is already sitting down, looking out at the city.

“What do you do up here?” Jaehyun asked.

Doyoung hummed, “I think.”

“About?”

“You.” Doyoung pauses, his cheeks bright red, “No wait, I don’t, ignore that, I- what I meant is-“

Jaehyun bursts out laughing, clutching his stomach.

“It’s not that funny,” Doyoung mutters.

“Now who is rambling?” Jaehyun teases, and Doyoung blows out some air, ignoring him, “What do you think, about me?”

Doyoung dares to look at Jaehyun, and his heart aches at the way he’s smiling right now, “Just. I don’t know. Go away, I meant… Maybe I’m not content with this life after all.”

Jaehyun wasn’t expecting that answer. He shuffles up closer, so their shoulders are touching, “What makes you say that?”

“You have dreams and ambitions and interests, that lie outside yourself, you know?” Doyoung’s never felt so anxious, “I just, wish it was the same. What good am I just typing away at some lousy computer doing research that barely matters.”

“It matters to someone,” Jaehyun adds, bumping his shoulder slightly with Doyoung’s.

“Not to me though, why put so much effort into something so- argh, I sound stupid,” Doyoung turns away, taking in a deep breath. He was unsure where this sudden rush of emotion had even come from.

“You don’t sound stupid at all, Kim Doyoung. Don’t push your feelings away,” Jaehyun’s voice is quiet now, and if it wasn’t for the concealer he worked very hard on applying today, maybe Doyoung would be in tears, “What kind of things interest you?”

That was the issue. Doyoung wasn’t interested in anything (and no, Jaehyun didn’t count). He gapes at the younger boy, his bottom lip wobbling slightly. Jaehyun just nods, letting Doyoung rest his head in his chest.

“You seemed really happy with Mr Meoskers, maybe you can start there,” Doyoung nods at Jaehyun’s comment. His throat felt sore already. “Plus, with your experience and knowledge, there’d be no reason for no place to not want you, regardless of where you go.”

Doyoung closes his eyes. He wished he could just disappear forever.

“I guess, maybe, I don’t know. I’d have to look into it,” Doyoung replies a moment later, his voice croaky. Jaehyun nods, deciding to not comment any further. He squeezes the elder gently, who just sinks deeper into him.

Jaehyun thought Doyoung fit into him like a missing puzzle piece.

Doyoung's stomach growls a while later, and he pulls away from Jaehyun, frowning, “Forgot my lunch today.”

Jaehyun misses the warmth immediately. “Let’s go to the cafeteria, come on.”

Doyoung trails after the younger, who is enthusiastically speaking about how Shrek is a classic movie, and how they should totally binge it together. He smiles at the thought.

“And also, how does a dragon and a donkey have kids, right?” Jaehyun was now yelling a little too loud, and people were starting to give confused looks, “Like pew pew, how do you even bang?”

“Jaehyun,” Doyoung whispers harshly, elbowing his chest, “Shut up, you’re so loud.”

Jaehyun looks around, noticing the eyes following him and gulps, “Sorry. It was an accident, I didn’t realise and now I’m just speaking, God, what even am I saying?”

“They sell ramen here, no way,” Doyoung gasps abruptly, and he starts walking faster to the display. Jaehyun just watches him in amusement. You’d think ramen was a million pounds by the way Doyoung was running.

Jaehyun waits for Doyoung at a table, waving at him as he carefully brings over his ramen. Doyoung dishes out two pairs of chopsticks from his pocket, handing one set over to Jaehyun.

“It’s fine, you’re hungry,” Jaehyun shakes his head. He smiles, content in watching Doyoung slurp up the noodles. Doyoung sighs happily, licking the salty broth off his lips. Jaehyun could’ve done that for him.

He rolls his eyes, “Just eat. This is way too big for me.”

Well, how could Jaehyun say no to free food and Doyoung?

~~

Much to Doyoung’s distaste (he’s lying, he’s ecstatic inside) and Ten’s jealousy, Jaehyun and Doyoung were glued together. And have been, for the past month. Jaehyun was starting to get a grasp on the work schedule, and only once had he shown up in a fedora, so Doyoung was feeling proud of the accomplishments he was making.

Still, he would much rather think about their after-work activities. They’d gone to see Mr Meoskers 11 times in the past month (sometimes Doyoung went by himself too), Doyoung had started researching work roles in non-profit organisations and he had helped Jaehyun apply for a few more teaching roles, even if the younger was a crying mess every time Doyoung mentioned getting accepted. Life was going somewhat well, he thought. Yet, as he watched Jaehyun scribble down his lunch order, he wondered if it could be better.

Just three nights ago, Jaehyun had dragged Doyoung from the comfort of his home to watch Cats with him. Safe to say, Doyoung couldn’t look at Mr Meoskers properly on his next visit.

“Hey, so, dinner at mine today?” Jaehyun spoke, turning towards Doyoung. Their legs brushed slightly, and Doyoung wondered if Jaehyun was aware of what he was doing.

“Busy, very busy,” Doyoung grumbled, opening up the 3rd excel spreadsheet of the day.

Jaehyun pouted, crossing his arms, “Come on, it’s your day off tomorrow. Let’s have fun today.”

“Jaehyun, I’m busy,” Doyoung did enjoy his time with Jaehyun, more than he would ever admit, but it was no lie that it was greatly affecting his work life. Although, he wondered if just maybe he stopped caring.

“Fine, be like that.” Jaehyun huffed and started typing away at his computer. Doyoung had no idea about what, since Jaehyun was currently on his 15-minute break.

~~

Doyoung was about to leave work when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Jaehyun, I’m busy today,” Doyoung turned around to see the younger pouting. Curse Jaehyun and his extremely good looks.

“Doyoung, please,” Jaehyun was practically begging now, and Doyoung wondered what had made him so desperate, “I’ll get on my knees if you need me to.”

Doyoung blushed slightly. It is better to keep those thoughts in his head, he supposed.

Lately, he had a hard time saying no to Jaehyun.

~~

“Why am I missing my 30 minutes of switch time for this?” Doyoung asked, glancing at the water in front of him.

“30 minutes? You’re a psychopath!” Jaehyun exclaimed, pushing the elder teasingly, “I thought you liked water. You had a picnic by the river.”

Doyoung rubbed his temple, “Yes, it increases my productivity levels.” Jaehyun rolled his eyes. “And that doesn’t mean I love water. I swear, you have the brain of a child.”

“Oh come on, who doesn’t like the beach,” Jaehyun whined, grabbing Doyoung’s hand and dragging him further down the coast. Doyoung ignored the pounding in his chest at the way Jaehyun’s hands felt in his.

“Me. It’s cold and dark, and you can’t even see any of the stars,” Doyoung gazed up at the blackened sky, missing the soft warmth of the sun.

Jaehyun stopped and turned back towards Doyoung, frowning, “Are you cold?”

“No, I’m good,” Doyoung reassured, fixating his eyes on the water next to them. Anything was better than looking at Jaehyun’s perfectly defined jaw, or studying the way his nose arches, and how plump and pink his lips are.

Jaehyun leaned in a step closer, grinning, “You sure?”

Doyoung could feel his body heat now and resisted the temptation to wrap his arms around the younger’s torso, “All good.”

“Huh,” Jaehyun commented, “Guess you won’t mind a dip in the water.”

“Wait wha-”

Doyoung could feel the water soaking his back before he realised what had happened. It was dark underwater; for a second, he thought if he stared long enough, he’d see the sun sinking. That thought faded when Doyoung realised the sun doesn’t actually set in the ocean, and he pushed his head up, gasping for air. Jaehyun was laughing at him, his jacket shrugged off as he waded through the water to where Doyoung was still flapping around.

“You don’t seem like a good swimmer,” Jaehyun hooked his arms under Doyoung’s, pulling him up. Doyoung placed his hands on Jaehyun’s shoulders, steadying himself.

“Fuck you,” he seethed, his hair dripping wet, “What is wrong with you?”

Jaehyun grinned, “Live a little, come on. Isn’t this fun?”

“Fun?” Doyoung tilted his head slightly. Jaehyun’s skin soaked in the moonlight, his hair also plastered on his forehead. It was rude he still looked this pretty.

Doyoung pushed himself off the younger, before forcefully shoving at his chest, causing Jaehyun to fall back with a scream. That was quite satisfying.

“Is that fun?” Doyoung mimicked, pushing his hair out of his eyes. Jaehyun’s head popped up, and Doyoung swore he looked like a baby otter in that moment.

He nodded eagerly, placing his arms around Doyoung’s waist and pulling the boy underwater with him. It wasn’t as dark when Jaehyun was with him.

The two resurfaced after a few seconds, Jaehyun’s grip still tight on him. If Doyoung leaned in just a little, he could easily close the gap between their lips. He could feel Jaehyun’s hot breath against his face.

He wondered what it must be like, to live life soaked with intention and desire. To throw yourself so easily into the unexpected, and regardless of consequence, stay afloat so seamlessly.

So Doyoung decided to try it for himself.

He presses his lips softly against Jaehyun’s, and the younger immediately reciprocates, cupping Doyoung’s cheek gently with his hand. The kiss is slow and gentle, and there’s a pleasant sensation that spreads in Doyoung’s body. Jaehyun’s lips are so soft, just as he imagined, and he could feel the water push in between their bodies, but Jaehyun keeps them in place, his grip of Doyoung’s waist tightening.

They kiss for what feels like hours, the world melting away around them, and Doyoung could die like this. Jaehyun was a wave of fresh air, and suddenly breathing felt so easy.

“Doyoung,” Jaehyun whispers against his lips, pulling away slightly, “You’re shivering.”

“I’m okay,” Doyoung whispers, clutching to Jaehyun desperately, because he doesn’t want to let go. He doesn’t want this moment to end. He wishes he could freeze time and stay like this forever.

“Let’s go, come on.” Jaehyun lets go on his waist, deciding to take his hand instead and if Doyoung has tears in his eyes, it’s just the salty water.

They reach shore, and he feels the weight of Jaehyun’s jacket around his shoulders. He leans into the younger’s chest, scared that he’ll start crying if he speaks. And he doesn’t know why he’s so choked up. The kiss still burns against his lips. He can feel his lungs constrict from the weight of his heart.

“Doyoung,” Jaehyun shakes the boy slightly, snapping him out of his thoughts, “Are you okay? Sorry, I know it was all sudden and-“

“Jaehyun.”

Jaehyun blinked, “Yeah?”

“Can we get some chips?” Doyoung pointed to the stall behind them, almost laughing at the look on Jaehyun’s face.

“Uh, sure, get in the car and warm up.” He unlocks the car and turns the heat up. Doyoung shudders at the warm relief. Jaehyun comes back a few moments later, two cones of chips in his hands, and ketchup sachets hanging out his mouth.

“Cwan ywou opwn tgh dyor?”

Doyoung shrugged, adjusting his hair in the mirror. Jaehyun kicks the car door lightly.

“Plghease?”

Doyoung can’t help but smile, begrudgingly opening the car door. Jaehyun spits out the ketchup sachets onto his seat, handing Doyoung his cone.

“Thank you.” He slipped into the car, passing Doyoung some sauce and they begin eating in silence. Doyoung looked at Jaehyun through the car mirror, his own anxious face being mirrored on Jaehyun’s.

How did he get here?

He sighed, turning on the car radio, shifting through the radio channels.

“What are you doing?” Jaehyun asked, chips smashed in his mouth.

Doyoung tutted, “Speak with your mouth empty please. Also you don’t like the silence, so.”

Jaehyun watched Doyoung in awe. He couldn’t believe the elder would remember such a mediocre fact about him.

“We could just talk,” Jaehyun suggested.

Doyoung shook his head, “I am eating and processing. Talk to me in 10 minutes.”

Jaehyun nodded. This felt like the longest 10 minutes of his life.

So.

Long.

“Hey Doyo-“

“It’s not been 10 minutes.”

“-ung, I really like kissing you.”

“What?” Doyoung turned to Jaehyun, the tip of his ears now red. He cursed his body.

“Uh,” Jaehyun was now looking everywhere but at Doyoung, “Nothing, forget it.”

“Okay,” Doyoung nodded, fishing out another chip. He could ignore Jaehyun telling him he liked the kiss. It was fine. Doyoung ignored things all the time, like when he ignored that little boy looking for the cat Doyoung was feeding, or Ten after he watched one of his k-dramas. Yeah, this was simple.

“You like kissing me?” It was not simple, it turns out.

Jaehyun seemed taken aback by the question, “I mean yeah. Of course,” he paused nervously for a second, “I did kind of want to ask you on a date though?”

Doyoung choked on his chip, and Jaehyun panicked, throwing his water over Doyoung, “Fuck, that was for your mouth.”

“You really like getting me wet?” Doyoung teased, snickering at Jaehyun’s pink cheeks. He grabbed the remaining water and drank it slowly, enjoying the way Jaehyun’s eyes watched his neck intently.

“Uh, anyway,” Jaehyun wiped his fingers on a tissue, tearing his eyes away from Doyoung, “It’s, I mean, I don’t even know if you’d be into that or what, because like, well you know me I’m so-“

“Jaehyun.”

“I know, I’m rambling, you just make me nervous,” Jaehyun groaned, “Good nervous!” He corrected immediately, before letting out another groan, “I’m so stupid, aren’t I?”

“Not at all, but Jaehyun,” the younger slowly turned towards him, “I don’t date co-workers.”

“Oh.”

“But, you’re going to quit anyway,” Doyoung hummed, and Jaehyun raised his head.

“What?” He furrowed his eyebrows, and Doyoung thought he looked so cute in this moment, he could kiss him.

Instead, he nodded, opting to intertwine his fingers with Jaehyun’s, “You’re going to be a teacher, and I’ll help you. I told you I would, right?”

Jaehyun glanced down at their hands, “I can’t, you know that.”

“You can, I believe in you,” he squeezes Jaehyun’s hand reassuringly, wiping the tear falling from Jaehyun’s eyes with his other hand, “You said you can’t imagine life without your dad. Just imagine it with me.”

“I’d really like that,” Jaehyun smiles, meeting Doyoung’s eyes, “A lot.”

And if they spent the next 20 minutes kissing, that was their little secret.

~~

Doyoung was currently walking home from work, his phone gripped tightly in his hand. He was awaiting Jaehyun’s call about his job interview. After much pushing and prodding, the younger finally decided to attend one.

He felt more nervous than he did after his first job interview.

The stars weren’t visible from this point in the city. He wished they were, as the scenery from the walk home was starting to become boring. He realised that it was all just a blur of lights and colours, too quick to make anything out and if he stopped for a second to really take it all in, he feared he’d be eaten up whole by the city itself. Regardless, Doyoung looked up in hopes there was a shooting star somewhere in the vast, dark sky, and wished for Jaehyun to receive good news.

Just then, Doyoung felt the phone vibrate in his pocket. He quickly answered.

“How did it go? Did you get in? Congrats!” Doyoung’s words were just spilling out now, and he impatiently waited for his boyfriend’s (somewhere in between the beach and now, they decided to make it official – Doyoung still felt giddy about it) reply.

“Thanks, I have no clue what you’re on about,” Taeyong’s smooth voice came out the other end of the phone, and Doyoung groans, “Hey! That’s no way to treat your best friend.”

Doyoung rolls his eyes, very aware that Taeyong can’t see him – it’s the thought that counts, “I have an important call I’m waiting for. Bye.” He abruptly hangs up.

A few seconds later he sends his best friend an apology text, who just replies with a dancing cat sticker.

Doyoung had now reached his apartment. He unlocked the front door and stepped inside, his lavender air spray hitting his nose. Jaehyun loved flowers, and suddenly so did Doyoung. He checked his phone again, frowning at the lack of notifications from Jaehyun. It was 8:15pm now. Surely they would’ve given him a decision by now.

“Hey.” A voice comes from the kitchen he just walked into, and in panic, Doyoung throws his phone at the mysterious figure, who just whines in response. Doyoung would recognise that sound anywhere.

“Jaehyun?” He asks, flicking the light switches on, “I didn’t give you my key to just sit in the dark in my fucking kitchen.” The elder opens his fridge, taking out a bottle of wine, “So, we celebrating tonight?”

Jaehyun sat down on the kitchen stool, a blank look on his face.

Doyoung took out two wine glasses.

“I got in,” Jaehyun started, gratefully taking the wine, “But, my dad’s angry that I disobeyed him again.” Doyoung knew it was best to just let Jaehyun speak for a while. “Like, I hate this fucking job and I know you work there but even you hate it, so it must be like double shit, or whatever. That’s not the point, he kicked me out and I’m homeless until I reject the teaching offer but,” Jaehyun sighed, looking up at Doyoung, “I’m so happy I got in, why can’t he be happy for me too?” His voice cracks, and Doyoung’s right there, open arms and a warm smile.

It’s all Jaehyun needs as he cries into his boyfriend’s chest.

“I’m very happy for you, you know that, right?” Doyoung whispers, laying a small kiss on the younger’s forehead. He nods, a frown still on his lips. “I know it sucks your dad isn’t by your side in this, but he’s the fool for not seeing how passionate you are for this. He’s going to regret taking your kindness as an advantage.”

Jaehyun nods, “I guess. I just wish he didn’t love the business more than me.”

“I’ll never make that mistake,” Doyoung takes a seat next to him, cupping Jaehyun’s tear stained cheeks in his hands, “I am so proud of you, and you deserve to be happy right now. Don’t let that bitter man ruin it for you.”

Jaehyun hiccups, and Doyoung bites back a smile, because maybe it wasn’t appropriate to speak essays on just how cute Jaehyun is right now.

“Thank you, for listening. You always listen, I know I’m a lot.” Jaehyun huffs. He takes a sip of the wine, sighing at the cool liquid against his sore throat.

Doyoung shakes his head immediately, “You’re not, never are, never will be.” He takes the wine glass from Jaehyun’s hands, taking a big gulp, “Let’s celebrate, shall we?”

As Jaehyun pulled Doyoung closer to him, the elder kissed the tips of his ear gently, “You know Jaehyun, you’ll always have a home with me.”

Jaehyun knew his cheeks were now littered with pink specks, but Doyoung always knew how to make him feel so high and alive, “You’re my centre of gravity Doyoung, I am so thankful for you.”

“Now isn’t the time to get sappy, idiot,” Doyoung laughed, a melodic sound that Jaehyun wishes would play in his head forever.

“I’m serious,” Jaehyun slides his fingers against Doyoung’s jaw, “You’re so kind my love, keep some of it for yourself.”

Doyoung smiles knowingly. Jaehyun, still in his moments of weakness, cared so greatly for Doyoung, that sometimes the elder couldn’t imagine how he ever lived without this love.

“Tonight’s not about me, come on, I can keep you entertained all night,” Doyoung teased, his fingers playing with the ends of Jaehyun’s hair, who just grinned.

It was safe to say Jaehyun felt a lot less stressed after that night.

~~

Jaehyun liked following Doyoung around the house. On most days, Doyoung wouldn’t mind but today, one of the most important days of both his and Jaehyun’s life, he didn’t understand why Jaehyun wouldn’t rather make sure the pavement outside is clean.

“I know you said your friend is a clean freak, but is this necessary?” Jaehyun asked after a while, as Doyoung was cleaning the picture frames in their room. It still felt weird to him, that there was no going back to his old house, and that he was privileged enough to wake up to Doyoung’s face every day. Much to his surprise, the elder even gave up a 1/3 of his closet space and let Jaehyun put some pictures around the room.

‘I want you to be happy, and to feel at home,’ the elder had said, as Jaehyun flicked through his photo frames, ‘This ones cute.’ He had pointed to a photo of when Jaehyun was blonde, and he and his friends decided to backpack across America. They made it to L.A and decided they’d rather live like civilised people for the rest of the summer.

Doyoung threw a wet wipe at Jaehyun, who scrunched his nose in response. “It’s necessary if you want to live.” He snapped back, throwing the pile of wet wipes in the bin.

Jaehyun raised an eyebrow, “Like, will he hate me or something?”

“You’re very hard to hate,” Doyoung replied, letting himself be pulled into his boyfriend’s lap, “Still annoying.”

Jaehyun was pressing soft kisses into Doyoung’s neck, and he just wanted to stay like this forever. Jaehyun was addicting, Doyoung had realised at 4am one day as he listened to the sound of the younger breathing, a constant reminder that he was here. With him. Forever. However, the world was clearly against him as he heard his doorbell ring throughout the apartment.

“Fuck,” Doyoung yells, jumping up from Jaehyun’s grasp, “He’s early. God, okay, just breathe, he’ll love you.”

“You seem more stressed than me baby, come on,” Jaehyun linked his hands with Doyoung, leading the elder towards the front door, “Relax. I’m great, aren’t I?”

The doorbell rang again.

Doyoung pushed past Jaehyun, hand on the doorknob, “Yes, yes, hope your ego is boosted. Now smile and be polite.”

Jaehyun was not expecting a small man behind the door, who somewhat resembled a cat, with pink hair and a plate full of.. cookies?

“Doie-bear,” The man grinned, stepping inside, “And you must be Jaehyun.”

Jaehyun knew better than to be jealous, but he couldn’t help the ugly feelings stirring at the bottom of his stomach at the nickname. He smiled anyway. “That’s me, so glad to meet you finally.”

Doyoung shut the door behind them, taking the plate from the man’s hand, “Kitchen?”

“I’m Taeyong, by the way,” the man- Taeyong, added after nodding at Doyoung, “I’ve known Doie since we were in diapers.” He then leaned in closer, “I have pictures if you want.”

Jaehyun laughed, slightly regretting imagining himself throwing Taeyong into the middle of the ocean, “Love that, actually. He’s so secretive.”

“My ears are burning, can you both shut the fuck up?” Doyoung yelled from the kitchen. The two of them walked in to see him with three glasses and some wine in his hands.

Doyoung loved wine, another fun fact he learned during his stay.

Taeyong just rolled his eyes, sitting down, “Fuck off. Give me some though, it’s been a long day.” The three of them ended up in natural, flowing conversation, Taeyong telling Jaehyun about Doyoung’s emo punk phase, and Doyoung in return blushing red and excusing himself to the toilet.

He learned Taeyong was a dancer, and that he had just got out of a 3-year relationship, which made Jaehyun feel even more guilty for the mean thoughts. In fact, he was happy that Doyoung had someone steady in his life, so if he rewrote the analogy, Taeyong would be the anchor to Doyoung’s boat. He wondered what that would make him.

A few hours later the three of them were in a heated UNO game, cursing each other as if they had been friends for years. It felt nice, Jaehyun had to admit, and it eased his mind as he told Taeyong about his father and his job. Taeyong was understanding and Jaehyun felt he had found his own friend in the smaller man.

“Cheater,” Doyoung growls, throwing his cards on the ground, “You always cheat. I hate you.” Another thing Jaehyun had learned about Doyoung, he hated losing. Even more than Jaehyun, who had once tasered his friend (it was an accident, he didn’t know it was on) after a snakes & ladders game.

Taeyong giggled, “I didn’t cheat. Do you think I cheated Jaehyun?”

Uh Oh. Jaehyun scratched the back of his head awkwardly. In all fairness, he was a bit mad that he didn't win. He only had two cards left, and they were both +4s.

“Definitely a cheater,” Jaehyun mimicked Doyoung, his cards now scattered on the floor, “Disgraceful, actually.” In the end, Jaehyun would always pick Doyoung.

Doyoung smiled at Jaehyun, linking arms with him, “See. I win.” The elder pressed a wet kiss on his cheek.

“Okay, maybe I wo-“ Jaehyun started, but was cut off by Doyoung.

“I won.” He seethed, and Jaehyun just rolled his eyes, because Doyoung could win if it made him happy.

Taeyong watched the two of them. Jaehyun couldn’t exactly place the look in his eyes, but he almost looked proud, “Got a good one here Doie.”

Doyoung blushed, turning back to Jaehyun, “I really do.”

~~

“I want to quit,” Doyoung told Ten one day, as the two of them sat for lunch. Ten was nibbling on a sandwich, and Doyoung felt the need to pick apart his sushi. Maybe it resembled his life.

Ever since Jaehyun had accepted his teaching role, Doyoung wondered why he tormented himself by staying on a job he realised he had zero passion for.

“Yeah, how come?” Ten didn’t seem as shocked as Doyoung thought he would. There was no single reason he wanted to leave and explaining the innermost workings of his heart seemed a bit too emotional. Ten pokes his shoulder, eyebrow raised.

“I.. don’t know.” Doyoung takes a sip of his water. He was good at his job, excellent even, plus he received many benefits, and the pay was decent for someone of his age, so there was no logical reason for Doyoung to quit. Although he was now in thought about Jaehyun telling him emotions don’t need logic, and that memory ended with a quick make out session in the staff toilets.

Doyoung awkwardly coughs, hoping his cheeks don’t give away his lewd thoughts, and turns towards Ten.

“Well, that’s fine. Sometimes it’s impossible to explain how you feel. If you’re unhappy, go for it,” Ten grins, and for some reason Doyoung feels like maybe it will all be alright.

“What makes you think I’m unhappy?” Doyoung retorts. He never let any emotion show on his face. It was simply unprofessional.

Ten rolls his eyes, “Oh come on. You’re always so moody and strict, you’re 25 for fuck’s sake. Live a little.” Live a little. Maybe it was time for Doyoung to start living for himself. “So, you got plans after this?” Ten continues, sighing after a gulp of his coffee.

Doyoung frowns, “No, not really. I have no clue where I want to go and leaving a well-paying job on a hunch is ridiculous.”

“I saw your browsing history the other day,” Ten comments, winking at him teasingly, “Don’t worry I didn’t get to the good stuff-“

“I’d never watch porn at work Ten. God, you’re so stupid.” Doyoung interrupted, annoyed.

“Guess not, with that fit boyfriend of yours,” Ten winks again, “Anyway, if you’re looking for a non-profit organisation, I can set you up with an interview. My friend heads up one and they’re looking for an environmental ground manager.”

Doyoung supposed maybe his best connection from this place was Ten (he also meant emotionally, but don’t tell Ten that).

“They specialise in marine life, the oceans, if that’s your thing.” And yeah, maybe it could be Doyoung’s thing. Doyoung thinks back to his day at the beach with Jaehyun, and it’d be a lie if he hadn’t grown an attachment to the sparkling waters since that day. They spent the rest of their lunch discussing the pros and cons of the new job, and Ten engaged him in the story of how the organisation had started in the first place.

As the two of them returned to their work desks, Ten sends Doyoung a smile, and it was safe to say Doyoung felt a lot more relieved, and even excited, about his future.

~~

Doyoung is in love.

Doyoung is in love with Jaehyun.

That was the first thought he had when he turned over to see the bed was cold and Jaehyun was gone. He knew the younger had gone to a teacher training course, but now his heart felt like the empty bed too.

Doyoung had never really been in love with someone before. He had loved, like he had once loved Yuta all those years ago, and still loves, like he loves Taeyong to this day, but he’d never once been in love. Until now.

Were the flowers by my window always this beautiful? Doyoung wondered as he stared at them. Jaehyun had bought them and was consequently taking care of them. He also asked himself if the sky was always this blue. It was such a beautiful colour. Doyoung wanted to grab Jaehyun’s hand and run outside. Maybe they could look up in the clouds, pointing at all the funny shapes.

He took a quick shower after making the bed and went downstairs to make himself a bowl of cereal. He needed the sugary syrups of the Gods right now. It was 1pm, Doyoung had realised as he glanced at the clock in the kitchen.

He was glad it was his day off.

~~

“I’m home baby,” Jaehyun sang loudly as he slammed the door shut behind him. He was greeted with silence.

Jaehyun frowned, swinging his backpack off him and dropping it on the floor, “Doyoung? Love?” Doyoung hadn’t informed the younger he was going anywhere.

Doyoung’s head popped out from the kitchen suddenly, “Get out.”

This was a new one for Jaehyun. Living with Doyoung was a mystery, for sure.

“What? I just got home.”

“Get out,” Doyoung whined, throwing a wooden spoon in his direction. It hit the wall next to him. Doyoung never claimed to have excellent aim.

Jaehyun raised his hands up to surrender, “I’ll just go upstairs.” Maybe Doyoung was having a stressful day, he thought.

“Good,” Doyoung huffed. He was about to close the door, then paused, “Come down when I tell you, 20, no, 30 minutes tops.” The door slammed shut before Jaehyun could reply.

27 minutes later, Jaehyun heard his name being called. He ran downstairs, eager to see his boyfriend. He had missed him, after all. The elder was standing there, a picnic basket in one hand and a blanket in another.

“We’re going on a picnic?” Jaehyun asked. It seemed a little random to him, as Doyoung usually liked planning out their activities at least 2 days in advance.

The elder just nodded.

~~

Doyoung sighed, leaning against Jaehyun’s shoulder as the two of them sat by the riverside, red chequered blanket underneath their bodies and the clouds as their company. Although Jaehyun was enough for Doyoung. Always.

“As much as I love your spontaneity ,” Jaehyun spoke slowly, concentrating on the daisy chain he was making, “What’s with this random picnic?”

Doyoung shrugged, taking out the sandwich he made for Jaehyun, and then another one for when he’d finish the first (Jaehyun had the appetite of a giant). “Can’t I surprise my boyfriend?”

His boyfriend. Jaehyun was his.

“Consider me surprised then,” Jaehyun grinned, a smile Doyoung thinks he will never get used to. Every time he sees it, his heart skips a little.

“Glad.” They sit in a comfortable silence, Jaehyun’s fingers picking at daisies and Doyoung watching him, still in awe that he is so in love with the man right in front of him.

Jaehyun was so tangible, so real, and maybe dreams can come true. That was what Jaehyun was, after all. A living dream that only Doyoung had access to. Only he had the pleasure to be with Jaehyun, a victory he gladly gloats about.

“I love you,” Doyoung’s words were soft, vulnerable.

“And I love you,” Jaehyun dropped his daisy chain, taking Doyoung’s hands in his. For a moment, it was as if the world was really just theirs.

“Yeah, but I love you,” Doyoung stressed, and there was no reason for him to be this anxious. Jaehyun reassured him daily of his love for Doyoung, but Doyoung had never felt like this before. He was at his highest with Jaehyun, and he didn’t want that to disappear.

Jaehyun watched his boyfriend quietly. He knew Doyoung well enough to know when something was on his mind.

“Jaehyun,” Doyoung started again, “You won’t hate me for what I’m about to say, will you?”

Jaehyun squeezed Doyoung’s hands tightly, as if he was promising to never let go, “Never.”

Doyoung nodded, yet he still felt tense. The clouds had long dissipated as the sun hid behind the large buildings, a purple haze setting in the sky above. The once colourful sky was tinged with gold, and it looked magical, as the sun slipped away.

“God, Jaehyun, I’m so in love with you,” The words came so easily to him once he started, “And I don’t know what to do except be so helplessly in love with you, like you mean so much to me, you know? I don’t even know why I’m so upset.” Doyoung laughed as Jaehyun wiped his tears, “I’m finally so fucking happy. I’ve just never felt this way before, it’s scary.”

Jaehyun kisses Doyoung, the only way he knows how to truly express the love in his body. And Doyoung feels it, feels like they were just two waves crashing relentlessly until they found this shared peace with each other. He feels like he could just drown in Jaehyun’s love if it was like this, so warm and comforting as the younger kisses him, wet and hot and sticky and soon Doyoung can only think about Jaehyun’s warm hands on his body.

Then he opens his eyes and suddenly remembers he’s at the park. Jaehyun looks up at him, and Doyoung leans down once more, pressing soft kisses on his nose.

“I’m in love with you,” Jaehyun breathes out. Doyoung engulfs him in a hug, and he knows he has the whole universe in his arms.

~~

Doyoung walked out of his work- his old work building for the last time. He enjoyed seeing the shock on his smug boss’s face when he handed in his resignation letter, and even though the man had no idea that Doyoung was indeed fucking his son (it was of course more than that), he still revelled in the panic. The man even said he’d get Doyoung promoted, that he was a valuable asset and that pay could be increased. It was funny to see how desperate people get, and he was sure they wouldn’t find someone as young and determined as Doyoung for a while.

In fact, Doyoung was very happy this would be the last time he would have to walk this route, through this concrete jail disguised as a city. No, his new work place was located somewhere far more scenic, and the walk there was actually refreshing. He was excited to see how the trees would look in autumn, the burning reds and bright oranges, or in spring, with new flowers in bloom and the scent of honey lingering.

That was of course if he had been accepted. He had taken a bold step in quitting before being secure within a new job, but Taeyong told him that he should be leaving regardless, and jobs come and go. Taeyong didn’t even have a consistent job, yet he was thriving. There was beauty in that, Doyoung understood that now. He felt bad for how quickly he dismissed his best friend’s passions and was making much more of an effort to go see him perform. Taeyong looked the best in his element.

There was a bit of sadness in his heart though, as much as he hated to admit it. He’d go from seeing Ten daily to rarely, and the man had made a larger impression on Doyoung’s life than he once thought. Doyoung learned from his mistakes though, and as they parted with a promise of seeing each other soon, he was determined to keep it (he even set a calendar reminder to make plans).

However, Doyoung couldn’t hide his happiness. He was ecstatic. Proud. He had overcome his own gnawing pain that he had grown numb to, and now he felt like he could walk on water. The sight of Jaehyun by their apartment made his smile grow even wider.

“Waiting for me?” Doyoung teased, placing a soft peck on his lips.

Jaehyun laughed, “Shut up, I missed you so much.” He picked the elder boy up in a hug, ignoring the other’s screams, “You’re so warm and cuddly and I’ve been so lonely.”

“I’m not your teddy bear, dimwit,” Doyoung scoffed, adjusting his shirt as Jaehyun placed him back on the ground. They walked inside the building, hands intertwined, and Doyoung decided he was in the mood for pizza.

They waited patiently for it, talking amongst themselves about their day, how Doyoung’s family was harassing him to meet Jaehyun, and how Jaehyun’s best friend was coming home for the summer. Doyoung was excited to meet Jaehyun’s friends, to say the least. He just wanted to make a good impression – he was planning on being with Jaehyun forever, after all. Jaehyun also informed Doyoung that the toilet seat is broken, a sheepish smile on his face as Doyoung cursed him.

And now Doyoung was watching Jaehyun sleep, his head resting on Doyoung’s lap. He looked so peaceful. So pretty. He could lose himself in mapping out Jaehyun’s features, the way his pretty pink lips are parted when he sleeps, the little furrow in his eyebrows, and the rise of his cheekbones, that glisten so bright in the sun. Jaehyun looked like he'd been carved by marble and Doyoung thinks it was fate for them to meet.

“Nervous?” Jaehyun asked him, stirring awake. He started playing with the buttons on Doyoung’s shirt, “Ah, why did I even bring it up? There goes me, saying stuff and you weren’t even talking about it like-“

“Jaehyun.” Doyoung pushed his hair out his eyes, and they were so round, looking up at him with so much love. Sometimes Doyoung wondered how someone could love him this much, and Jaehyun is always there to remind him.

“I speak too much sometimes, like now you’re probably so stressed and-“

“Jaehyun,” Doyoung spoke a little louder this time, and the younger’s eyes widened.

He frowned immediately, “God, I’m sorry, are you angry at me?”

“Baby,” Doyoung whispered, pressing light kisses against his forehead, “Of course not. I got accepted half an hour ago.”

Jaehyun sits straight up; luckily, Doyoung moved in time.

“What? What… What!” Jaehyun was panicking, and he didn’t know why. He felt an overwhelming rush of pride. That was his boyfriend, so smart and wonderful and he didn’t know the right words to say because he is not an eloquent speaker like Doyoung and half the time he quotes SpongeBob references in intimate moments.

“Are you rambling… in your head?” Doyoung’s words shifted him out of his thoughts, and the blush on his cheek was indication that Doyoung was indeed correct. “Never change.” The elder laughed, “It’s not a big deal, it’s more about the things I do there, right?”

Jaehyun shook his head, “It’s the biggest deal in the world! I’m going to call all your friends, and mine, and we’re going to have the biggest party,” Jaehyun exclaimed, talking animatedly with his hands, “My boyfriend is the smartest person alive, even more then Sandy Cheeks,” – as he said, he likes quoting SpongeBob – “and, wow, you’re so cool, baby, I’m so proud.” Jaehyun was now walking around the room in excitement, his hands making many different motions.

Doyoung watched from the sofa, amused. He felt warm inside. The doorbell suddenly rang.

“I’ll get it,” Jaehyun ran to the door before Doyoung had a chance to react, and he came back into the room with a box of pizza and fries.

“Now this,” Doyoung said, mouth watering at the smell of pizza, “Is the way we should celebrate.” Jaehyun sat down beside him, handing him a can of fizzy drink. Doyoung opened the box, licking his lips. He then glanced at Jaehyun, “But if you really want to treat me well, I have a few thoughts.” He winked, and the younger blushed.

Doyoung sighed in contentment, his stomach full of pizza and a drowsy Jaehyun breathed against his skin, leaving a trail of wet kisses down his neck. Jaehyun glances up, and his eyes are so tender with emotions for only Doyoung to see, that it almost makes him cry.

After all, Doyoung was in love, happy and in a career where he would make an impact. He mattered to people, and he couldn’t help but smile to himself as he entertained Jaehyun in just the same way.

In a way, he felt reborn.

He was ready to enjoy his new life with Jaehyun.

epilogue

Living together with Jaehyun was a challenge, to say the least. While Jaehyun opted to lounge around for the summer, since school had yet to start, Doyoung was working endlessly to secure his position in his new company. Jaehyun had reassured Doyoung that being accepted was enough, but Doyoung still felt the need to complete his reports weeks before deadline, organise the entire folder system at headquarters (who even uses folders these days) and occasionally bring in baked goods for his co-workers. They were Taeyong’s baked goods, but he didn’t mind letting Doyoung take credit just this once.

Business etiquette was still deeply rooted inside Doyoung, and he often found himself scheduling his and Jaehyun’s dates, much to the younger’s distaste.

“Jaehyun, it’s 8:04pm.”

“Doyoung, listen, I love you, but I have a brain freeze so,” Jaehyun whined, holding his sundae closer to his chest, where it was now smudged against the new clothes Doyoung had just washed. Still, Jaehyun was teaching Doyoung about living life more freely, and it was something he appreciated, so he let the younger finish his ice cream.

It was 8:34pm when they left.

They were walking hand in hand, the world pulling them towards their current favourite spot. It was the pet shelter Jaehyun had first taken Doyoung to, and the two of them had taken a particular interest in getting all the animals adopted.

“Any updates?” Jaehyun asked one of the receptionists, who started telling them about a puppy who was adopted by two parents and a bright-eyed kid a few hours ago.

Doyoung sighed in relief. It was always wonderful news to him.

Mr Meoskers was where he always was, lazing around in his cage. He stood up at the sight of the couple, purring, as if to say, ‘Let me out!’ Jaehyun motioned for Doyoung to open the cage, so he did, and the kitten walked out, placing his paw in Doyoung’s hand.

Jaehyun loved Doyoung’s smile, especially when he was like this, carefree, happy and in the moment.

“He’s so much bigger than when we first met him, right?” Doyoung sat down now, letting Mr Meoskers walk towards Jaehyun, who sat opposite him. For some reason, he felt oddly nostalgic. The memory of the kitten asleep in his arms while Jaehyun looked at him, sitting there, so handsome and serene, was burned into his brain. His boyfriend was quite like that today too, he thought, as he watched him play with the kitten, little laughs erupting out of his mouth.

Jaehyun nodded, “He is, I hope he has a home soon.”

Doyoung mirrored his actions. He glanced around the room, taking note of all the other animals in their own little worlds, which started and ended with small metal cages. He disliked the atmosphere immediately. It felt like the place was absent of any love, and for some reason, he was reminded of when Taeyong had accused him of the very thing too. Almost a year ago.

Who knew he would be so right? Although Jaehyun had long since taken care of that problem, and it was safe to say Doyoung is enjoying life.

“What are you thinking about so deeply?” Jaehyun asked softly, snapping Doyoung out of his thoughts.

Doyoung pushed his hair back from his eyes, sighing happily at the sight of Jaehyun with Mr Meoskers on his lap, “You. I guess.”

Jaehyun blushed.

“I just, I always thought I was happy, but you came and showed me what true happiness is. If I knew this feeling before, maybe I wouldn’t have ever stopped chasing it.” Doyoung was fiddling with his fingers. “I won’t stop now though. You know that, right?”

Jaehyun looked into Doyoung’s eyes, so endlessly loving and deep.

“I do. I won’t stop either, love.” That was all the assurance Doyoung needed.

“Is it crazy if we adopted Mr Meoskers?” Doyoung asked a few moments later. He didn’t know why he had never thought of it before. Maybe because he was more in love with Jaehyun right now than he was back then, and he knows in a few minutes he’ll fall even deeper. Jaehyun had suggested a pet once, but Doyoung never put too much thought into it to see he was clearly referring to the kitten in his arms. It would simply be too cruel for Doyoung to not see this sight in their own home every day.

“Was waiting for you to ask,” Jaehyun grinned, leaning closer to the kitten, his voice hushed, “You hear that baby, we’re going to take you home today.”

Doyoung rolled his eyes, “I thought I was your only baby.” He huffed, maybe he should learn to not be jealous of a cat before adopting one.

“You are, baby,” Jaehyun teased, letting the kitten get back up onto his own legs, “You’ll always be my baby.”

Now it was Doyoung’s turn to blush. He leaned in, capturing Jaehyun’s lips in a kiss, which the younger returned enthusiastically.

Mr Meoskers purred. This was a sight he’d have to get used to.