Chapter Text
He didn’t really have a choice.
Okay that was a lie. Technically there was always a choice. Especially when it came to who you bonded your soul to. Who you were willing to share your life, and your life force, with. Sousuke couldn’t believe that he was even considering sharing his with Nanase of all people. The one person he’d ever met who could set him on edge just by being in the same room as him. He frustrated Sousuke to no end with his cool indifference to everything, even his own fate and future, and the way Rin often went right along with him drove Sousuke to the end of his patience more often than not.
But, he reminds himself as he stares at the ceiling of his bedroom, Nanase’s importance to Rin - to all of their friends really, but especially Rin - was the exact reason he was considering this. He knew first hand how much their falling out had hurt Rin and as Rin’s best friend he was bound and determined to never see his friend that devastated, that lost, ever again if he could help it.
Which is why he’s considering the idea of offering a soulbond to Nanase.
He’s been weighing the pros and cons for weeks now. He wasn’t a romantic like Rin. He wasn’t waiting for that perfect person to spend the rest of his life with and even if he did somehow find them he wasn’t really sure he’d want a soulbond with them anyway. So there wasn’t necessarily a huge loss there.
A downside would be the fact that for at least a year, maybe longer depending on how well Nanase’s body responded to the bond, they would most likely have to live together. Which he figures he can see working, barely. But there’s also a chance they will just kill each other in the first six months and be done with it all. So a bit of a loss with that one.
Rin would be happy. So would all their other friends who, for some reason he still didn’t completely understand, actually seemed rather enamored with Nanase. That was a huge plus.
Even if Nanase’s body responded well and they could live apart after awhile he and Nanase would be linked together in some way or another for the rest of their lives. There would always literally be a part of each of them with the other. But it would also allow him to be able to not lie and avoid the always awkward conversations with family and well-meaning classmates about if he’s found his “soulmate” yet. So he supposes those kind of cancel each other out.
Sousuke flops onto his side and stares out the window. This whole thing might be a little less confusing and daunting if he had someone to discuss it with. But he knows if he brings it up to Rin he’ll freak out and try to talk him out of it. He’ll bring up stuff about romance and dates and finding your one true love to spend the rest of your life with and happily ever after. Plus he just knows that, whether he tells him now or later, Rin will feel a mountain of guilt knowing that part of Sousuke’s decision, part of what gave him the idea in the first place, was Rin’s own happiness.
His parents, well, he loves them but who he does or doesn’t soulbond with and potentially spend his life with isn’t really something he feels like discussing with them. Especially since their advice will most likely just be “do what you feel is right” anyway. They were very much of the “it’s your life, your mistakes to make, your decisions to make” parenting philosophy. He was always welcome if he needed help but he had also been raised to understand that his choices were his own to make.
There weren’t really many others he was close enough to and who knew the details of Nanase’s condition to understand the severity of the situation that he could go to. Kou was always an option but there was a good chance it would get straight back to Rin far too quickly. He figures he could go to Tachibana. But he had even more at stake than Rin did, being Nanase’s best friend and all, and Sousuke isn’t sure he’d be able to be able to be as objective as he would like. Plus he still isn’t entirely sure why Nanase won’t soulbond with Tachibana, not that it really matters in the end, but he doesn’t want to bring up a sore topic or cross any boundaries with Tachibana considering he’s the one in Rin’s group of friends that he gets along with the most.
So, like so many other choices in his life so far, he’s stuck figuring this one out on his own.
Which is why he finds himself standing outside Nanase’s apartment at just after three in the morning. In all honesty it’s not until the door swings open and he sees narrowed blue eyes peering out at him that he even fully registers that it’s technically a pretty dick move and that it didn’t really earn him any points towards getting Nanase to agree with his offer.
“What?” Nanase’s voice sounds more irritated than tired and Sousuke wonders if he has even been to sleep yet. Judging by the even paler look of his already pale complexion and the bags under his eyes he obviously hasn’t been sleeping well for awhile now.
“I wanted to talk to you about something.”
Nanase gives him a look that even Sousuke, as not fluent in Nanase-speak as he is, can interpret as a scathing “at 3AM, really?” before simply turning around and wandering away, leaving the door open behind him.
“Look,” he says as he settles down on the floor across the low table from Nanase, “I’ll get straight to the point.” Nanase blinks at Sousuke a couple times and pulls his sketchbook towards himself, eyes dropping to the page as he shrugs. Sousuke figures it’s as close to a “go ahead” as he’ll get and he takes a deep breath as Nanase balances the sketchbook on the edge of the table, tilted up so Sousuke can’t see what he’s doing, and starts sketching something. “I know you have your reasons for choosing not to go through with it with Tachibana and that’s fine. They’re your reasons. Your choice. But if you want a soulbond I’d be willing to do it with you.”
The pencil doesn’t stop moving, tip never even skittering or hesitating the slightest bit, as they sit there in silence. It’s not quite the uncomfortable I loathe your very existence silence they used to have. But it’s not exactly comfortable either. Sousuke almost feels as if Nanase is reaching out feelers somehow, as if the very air in the room is observing him and sending all sorts of feedback straight to Nanase. After a few minutes the scratch of pencil on paper slows, but doesn’t stop.
“Why?”
“Why not?” Sousuke leans back on his hands and glances out the tiny window above the kitchen sink. Nanase still doesn’t look up at him and somehow he manages to telegraph his lack of amusement at Sousuke’s answer, at Sousuke’s entire presence in his apartment, through nothing but the rasp of pencil lead on paper and the not quite relaxed set of his shoulders. “Honestly? I’m not entirely sure why I’m offering. It’s not like we’re great friends and I don’t exactly have a personal investment in your well being or anything. I mean if you never woke up tomorrow I can’t say as I would mourn you too long.” Nanase huffs out a breath that almost sounds amused. “I know the feeling is pretty mutual too.”
“Is it because of Rin?”
“Part of it, yeah.”
“Wouldn’t soulbonding with me put a damper on getting into his pants?”
Sousuke snorts. “Getting into Rin’s pants may have motivated me once upon a time years ago, when I was like sixteen. Now it’s more like I know you’re an important friend to him, and apparently a few other people, and if I have a chance to keep Rin from losing a close friend I’ll take it. Or offer it in this case.” Nanase continues sketching for a few minutes, slow and steady, eyes focused on his drawing, before he suddenly stops and meets Sousuke’s gaze.
“What’s in it for you?”
“Look,” Sousuke sighs, “I’m not exactly the ‘soulmates finding each other and living happily ever after’ sort of person. We do this, I help save your life. I save myself plenty of grief in regards to soulmate crap. Yay for both of us.”
“What if Rin needs you?”
“Rin will find his soulmate. But it’s not gonna be me. Not in the way he wants or needs a soulmate anyway. I’m his best friend and I always will be. But we’ll never be more than that.
Nanase holds his gaze for a moment longer, weighing Sousuke’s words against whatever is going on in his own mind, and then sets his sketchbook and pencil on the table. “I’m going to bed,” he says as he stands and pads away down the short hallway to what Sousuke assumes is his bedroom.
A few minutes later Sousuke stands and glances down at the sketchbook. An impressively detailed sketch of two sharks swimming away from each other covers the page and he looks down the hallway at Nanase’s door in surprise before shrugging and showing himself out.
He had put the offer on the table and, as far as he was concerned, it could stay there until Nanase made up his mind one way or the other.