Chapter Text
Kaz walked through the tunnel that went from the Crow’s Club to Wylan’s house, refusing to mingle with the packed crowds making the city even more of a labyrinth than it already was. The sound of his cane and the sight of his long black coat normally made the masses part in his wake but tonight, there would simply be no room for them to move fast enough for his liking. It was Oudejaarsavond, the last day of the year, and the tourists and locals alike were already in a frenzy. It was only a little before the eighth bell and as always on this special night his club was full by now, the tables covered in cash and booze flowing freely. He, however, would not be witnessing this glorious night of debauchery. He’d left it to his lieutenants to supervise and it felt strange, suspiciously good, not being worried about missing out on the action. The feeling was still somewhat alien to him and he pushed it to the back of his mind as he emerged on the Geldstraat.
The neighborhood was quieter than the Barrel or the Staves but still busier than usual, with many carriages crowding the cobblestones and merry sounds pouring into the night air. Hiding under the brim of his hat, Kaz made his way to the door and firmly knocked with his cane on the indentation he’d left there over the years doing this exact same thing. A young woman pulled open the panel and scurried back to let him in. She almost ran away the second he was in, leaving him to remove his coat and hat and hang them, as the staff was told to do. She was probably the new girl Wylan had asked Inej to look into the week before – the other ones grew used to seeing a Barrel boss appear in the house and didn’t even flinch anymore. Kaz turned to the ornamented hooks on the wall with an amused smile, dropping his hat on one and unfastening the many buttons of his coat. He barely had the time to hang it up and shove his gloves in the pockets before being very enthusiastically welcomed by an armful of Inej.
She came out of nowhere, too fast for him to sense her approach, and rocked him on his feet with the strength of her momentum. A surprised chuckle escaped him as he managed to regain his balance, leaning on his cane and wrapping his free arm around her. Not that she would have let him fall. Her hold was delightfully suffocating.
“Hello to you too,” he greeted her bemusedly once he overcame his astonishment, the feeling of her near filling his senses all at once.
Inej didn’t usually throw herself at him. They were still careful with every move, every step, but they were so attuned with one another by now that she could tell with one look, one word, if it was a good day or not, as he could with her. Today was one of those, and her calculations had been correct, as always. Inej was warm and soft and laughed against him at his slightly baffled tone, making the cold night air’s grip vanish from his bones in an instant. He felt a familiar calm fill his chest instead, a certain ease loosening his muscles, slowing down the pace of his ever-restless brain. Kaz was still surprised sometimes by the way she steadied him without even consciously attempting to, rearranging his focus so it attuned itself only to her. It was as if she was his center of gravity, pulling him in. He wasn’t really good at letting go, but most days, he managed that much. She made it easier and easier each time.
“Good evening,” she said now, her voice muffled, her face buried in his clothing.
Even from there, he could hear the smile in her intonation.
“Good evening,” Kaz could only repeat, a smile of his own tugging at the corner of his mouth when she still didn’t let him go.
Inej squeezed him even tighter and he let out a strangled groan in protest, laughing in her hair. She finally pulled back just a little, grinning up at him mischievously. She rested her chin at the center of his chest, the place she knew anchored him, and just like that, nothing else mattered besides her arms, her eyes, her lips. Wylan’s house fell away. Until suddenly Inej frowned and turned her face back down, her nose inches from his heart, her hands going from around his middle to his upper arms. He exaggeratedly took a deep breath in but she didn’t even notice.
“You’re not wearing a suit,” she finally realized, puzzled.
“Good observation,” Kaz couldn’t help but respond, lifting an eyebrow at her.
She gave him a wry look from the corner of her eye but decided to ignore his teasing smirk, apparently more fascinated by the deep red sweater he was wearing. He’d put on a tie and a buttoned-up shirt with a collar underneath it, of course – he was still Kaz Brekker, after all. Even so Inej took half a step back and let her eyes roam over him, down to his shoes then back up his trousers, stopping once more at the unusual sight. He was amused by the way she stared at him, as if observing a rare, or rather, never seen before phenomenon. Of course, she’d seen him in other things than his tailored suits over the years, mainly for jobs. However, he knew that if he commented her incredulity, she would reply something along the lines of being able to count the number of times she’d seen him in casual clothing on the fingers of one hand. She wouldn’t even need all of them. So, instead of doing that, he stepped forward, leaning back into the proximity he craved, always.
“Is it new?” Inej asked curiously, lifting her hands to run the tips of her fingers on the fabric covering his clavicles.
“It is.”
New and slightly too warm, now that she was observing it – him – so closely.
“It’s so soft,” she whispered with a kind of wonder, making him smile wider.
Inej pressed her face back to his chest and held him again, her cheek burrowing against the thick sweater. She closed her eyes contentedly and cuddled up into him like a cat. Kaz wouldn’t be surprised if she suddenly purred.
“It’s premium wool from the Wandering Isles,” he said, ridiculously glad she liked it.
“Well, premium or not, I want one,” she declared.
It was the categorical tone she used when nothing could changer her mind or get in her way. He’d had that particular one used against his own many times. He loved it.
“Duly noted,” Kaz muttered with a quiet laugh, kissing her hair, and wrapped his arm around her.
Inej sighed softly and let her palms travel to his shoulder blades, her fingers curling and expanding again, making the long muscles of his back shift in response.
“In the meantime,” he added conspiratorially in her ear, “you can have this one later tonight.”
She pulled back just enough to look up at him, her eyes glinting.
“Can I?”
Her fingers were already clutching said sweater, softly, but with an eagerness that betrayed her contained enthusiasm. Kaz hummed in affirmative, brushing his nose against hers.
“It’ll probably suit you better than me, anyway.”
Inej grinned and kissed him, making his eyelids flutter shut and every thought disappear from his brain. He’d noticed a while ago that she loved to wear his shirts to sleep, because they smelled like him. Since he couldn’t refuse her anything, Kaz would often just hand them to her wordlessly at the end of the day. Not when he’d been in dirty brawls or too long at his clubs, obviously, because even he couldn’t stand the smell of them by then. But when he worked on his ledgers long into the night and she came in from a run on the rooftops, fresh air from above lingering on her skin, then he would strip himself of his layers and wrap them around her instead. On one of those very occasions, she’d murmured against his mouth that she loved the feeling of his remaining warmth in the fabric most of all. They hadn’t slept a lot that night.
Now, however, Kaz broke their embrace before it slid out of both their control in Wylan’s vestibule and pulled back, looking down at her face with a raised brow.
“Let me look at you,” he requested quietly.
He’d barely been able to catch a glimpse since she’d attacked him with her hug. The corners of Inej’s mouth quirked up and she stepped back when he gently pushed on her shoulder, feeling it roll back under his palm. She stood in front of him without any trace of shyness in her dark eyes, poised but knowing, their bodies responding to one another like magnets. Kaz took her in very attentively, his breath catching in his throat in the familiar way he barely noticed anymore, except on occasions like this one. Inej had tied up her hair in a high and slick ponytail but left it unbraided. It flowed down her back in a long cascade, loose and fluid as running water – and just as soft too, that he knew from experience. The edges of it framing her face were artfully laid down in intricate patterns on her forehead and temples, and he knew they would catch his attention too many times to count in the next few hours. She was wearing a suit – and knew very well what kind of effect that had on him, damn her. It was dark blue with fine golden trims and details, her trousers made from a plaid pattern mixed with a shade of deep green. She looked glorious. Kaz sighed roughly, almost annoyed, and pulled her back to him by the hand, noticing the satisfied smirk she didn’t try to hide.
“How do you manage to look so good in every damn colour,” he huffed against her forehead, making her laugh.
Someone loudly cleared their throat and Kaz’s eyes flashed open. Jesper, always excellent with timing, had snuck his head in the corridor, popping it out the glass doors that lead to the living room beyond. Kaz glared at him over Inej’s hair.
“If you’re done cuddling, supper’s ready,” their friend declared wickedly.
Kaz answered with a one fingered gesture that made Jesper snicker and grin before promptly disappearing. Inej, who had half turned into his arms at the interruption, took his offending hand in hers with a scoff and brought it down, shaking her head at him.
“You’re both terribly ill-mannered,” she scolded lightly, sliding her fingers between his and refraining from commenting on his reddening ears.
“Yes, well, Jesper does bring out the worst in me.”
“I heard that!” called the sharpshooter from the other room, affronted.
It was Kaz’s turn to grin – the sharp kind. Inej fondly rolled her eyes and pulled him along behind herself, into the other room. They walked in the space still decorated for the holidays, with ribbons and lights hanging everywhere and a massive tree in a corner. It still surprised her every time she stepped in, even if she’d seen it many times in the last couple of days. It looked as if someone had brought in her canon, but instead of filling it with a cannonball, they’d stuffed it down with decorations and fired – Jesper had truly gone all out. He stood grinning in the archway that led to the dining room and Wylan suddenly appeared next to him, about to ask something. Inej wasn’t sure what made them pause more; Kaz’s sweater, or the fact that his hand holding hers was gloveless. It was still a very rare sight for them. They recovered quickly without a comment, which she knew Kaz silently appreciated, stepping out of the way so they could walk in the dining room. He greeted Wylan’s mother with a slight bow of his head.
“Mrs. Hendricks.”
“Good evening, Kaz,” she replied with a happy smile. “This colour suits you well.”
He simply smiled back while Jesper looked on, amused as always by the sudden appearance of his manners whenever Marya was in the room. After pulling Inej’s chair, however, Kaz sat down and kicked Jesper, still mockingly gawking, under the table. Inej looked down at her plate to hide her laughter as her Zemeni friend tried to stay impassible, his eyes watering. Jesper didn’t retaliate – it wouldn’t be fair to kick Kaz’s good leg, after all – but answered to every single one of his jesting words with some of his own. They did this so often now, whenever they were in each other’s company – so much so that sometimes Wylan and Inej joked that they should truly leave them to each other. She’d noticed after a while, however, that the words didn’t have any bite, not really. That Kaz, the one that would’ve jabbed at Jesper unprompted and hurt his friend, was gone. After that realization Inej would never think of walking out of the room again, even if they truly were insufferable sometimes, because she loved that version of Kaz so much it made her heart ache. She watched him from the corner of her eye now as they ate and chatted and laughed, this person she’d always known was there somewhere, hidden deep down, pushed away by pain and anger. Here, finally, Kaz could allow himself to be his honest self, the one she’d learned to know so well. He wasn’t as completely open as he was with her alone yet, but he was trying. That was all that mattered.
There was something else Inej had noticed and treasured; on good days, and only in the presence of their friends, he could remove his gloves for a while and be alright, now, but often he would seek her touch, to reassure himself that he was truly doing fine. One brush of his knuckles on her arm, their knees touching as they sat on the sofa together, his hands lingering on the back of her chair when he pulled it out for her. He’d done that last thing earlier, letting her press her back against his skin for the barest moment before letting go. Whereas Jesper and Wylan were constantly all over each other and clearly didn’t care who saw, Kaz and Inej’s ways of showing affection were definitely more subtle. They’d had years of practice hiding their feelings in front of others after all, both because of their own trappings and for each other’s safety, since attachments of any sort were seen as weakness in the Barrel. However, they’d learned pretty quickly that they were also both private in their affection by nature. So, they kept the most intimate things for their time alone. They rarely, if ever, kissed or held each other in front of their friends, but they were always close, always navigating this sort of sacred space they shared. And Kaz’s eyes told Inej everything she needed to know. That had never changed and never would. Still, she loved that he was reaching out for her more and more and she was finding herself equally eager to answer, the way they’d become comfort for one another against all odds. These little proofs of the walls they’d burned down.
Tonight, though, Kaz seemed to be keen on reminding her just how much of a con artist he truly was, because at some point during supper his right hand slid under the arm of her chair, hidden by the tablecloth, and came to rest on her thigh. It made Inej’s heart jump and race in her chest, this simple contact, and one look at him told her he knew it very well. Kaz levelled his eyes at her to gauge her reaction as she tried to stay impassible, carrying on with the conversation at hand as if nothing was happening. He smirked once she relaxed under the touch, incapable of hiding her pleasure from him, warmth suffusing through her entire body. She wished her cheeks wouldn’t burn and give her away so easily. Inej had teased him under the table before, when they were sitting across each other, touching her legs to his, but it was harder now that they always sat side by side. It seemed he’d found a solution to this inconvenience and Saints, she loved him for it. His trickster fingers started to caress over her trousers as he talked to Marya about the price of some painting in auction at the Exchange in an unfairly steady voice, not breaking contact once all the while. The movement was slow and light, almost as if he was doing it absentmindedly, but Inej wasn’t fooled. She didn’t miss the glint in his dark pupils, nor the way his hand started to make broader movements, boldly going higher and higher just to feel her shiver. It took all her willpower to keep on listening to whatever tale Jesper was spinning. Thankfully, it was about that time they’d stolen the De Kappel. She knew that one by heart.
They stretched supper for a little longer and when they finally moved on to the living room, Marya declared that she would turn in for the night. She was so much stronger and sharper than she’d been a few years ago but still tired quicker than she would like. She wished them all a happy new year and walked up the stairs with the help of Frederik, Wylan’s chief of staff – whom Wylan suspected had taken a liking to his mother, which she actually might reciprocate. He wasn’t certain yet. He watched her go up then came over and sat on the arm of Jesper’s armchair, receiving an exuberant kiss on the cheek from the sharpshooter that made him laugh. Inej settled down next to Kaz on the loveseat they often shared in front of them and folded one leg underneath herself, her knee brushing his thigh and their shoulders close. Sparks were still dancing on the surface of her skin from his touch earlier and she wanted to reciprocate the feeling, but wasn’t sure how. Thankfully at some point Wylan brought out some bottles of fizzy cranberry wine, a traditional Kerch drink for the holidays, and things started to go downhill in the best way. It was past eleven bells, the new year just around the corner, when Jesper’s eyes squinted over his deck of cards, watching the Barrel boss in front of him and obviously willing his vision to focus with some difficulty.
“I know you’re about to make a dirty move, Dirtyhands.”
Kaz only lifted a brow in response and took a sip of wine, deadly patient. Jesper was the only one he played that particular game with using chips, not hard cash, since gambling was a poison his friend had given up on long ago, but he was still merciless at it. In terms of dirty move, one more or less wouldn’t change the fact that he was winning, even if Jesper had put up a fair fight. Curious, Inej grabbed her glass mug on the table in the mess of coasters, abandoned shot glasses and cards and pushed herself up so she sat on her heels next to him. Even if he outwardly only looked at her from the corner of his eye, she felt Kaz’s attention turn to her movements, always aware of her in a way that used to unnerve her, but didn’t anymore. Inej leaned closer carefully – her usually unshakable balance altered by the amount of alcohol she’d consumed – and stole a peek at his hand. Kaz slightly angled it so she could see it better, one corner of his mouth quirking up, and inched his shoulder closer in silent invitation. She rested her wrists on it gently, and then they were both leaning in the warmth of each other’s body. Inej raised her brows at the impressive collection of cards he’d gathered and brought her cup to her lips, considering the many possible moves pensively.
“How bad is it, ’nej?” asked Jesper wearily.
“Ghastly, I’m afraid,” she replied honestly, her eyes still on the cards – and the fingers holding them perfectly fanned out, as if just for her.
Kaz chuckled quietly at that, more breath than sound, and she felt it reverberate through her chest, flushed with his arm. That, more than the wine, made her head go just a little lighter.
“Stop it with the evil laugh, Brekker.”
“He’s going to kick your ass again,” chimed in Wylan happily, flung across Jesper’s lap in the large armchair, his legs dangling over one of the arms.
He lifted his hand and tried to tickle Jesper on the chin with a piece of mistletoe he’d found Saints knew where.
“Thank you for the show of support, my love,” grumbled the sharpshooter, but smiled when he looked down at his partner’s answering grin.
“Come on Jesper, your move,” Kaz reminded him with a smirk that Inej had to agree kind of looked slightly evil, even from where she was sitting in their bubble of warmth.
Jesper sighed theatrically and considered his hand again, pouting. He lifted his eyes to Kaz once more after a few seconds, a resigned look on his face.
“You’re just going to finish me, aren’t you?”
Kaz hummed noncommittally, simply staring back. Jesper groaned and finally leaned in to slap his best card combination on the table with as much flair as he could muster. Kaz’s eyes turned shark-sharp at the sight and Inej winced.
“Oh, Jes,” she said, incapable of holding back a chuckle.
He truly was done for.
“I know. It’s bad,” Jesper replied, taking a swing of the drink he’d been sharing with Wylan.
Kaz silently combed trough his cards, shuffling to find the combination that would cause the most damage. Inej dropped her chin over the hand holding her glass, still resting on his shoulder, and watched the terrible outcomes his mind could conjure. Her own was fuzzy from the blissful combination of his proximity and the wine. She still noticed it when it took Kaz longer to sort out his cards than it usually would, however. Inej could tell that the pressure of her body to his was distracting him, and she hid her smile behind her glass. He’d told her once that her contact always felt like lightning to his senses, an electrifying touch coursing through his veins. She loved that more than she cared to admit out loud. Kaz finally singled out three cards, the strongest ones in his deck, and lifted them up impassively before turning them around to show Jesper, a triumphant smile splitting his face in half. His friend’s mouth opened incredulously and he threw his head back with a desperate moan, slapping his hands over his face in despair. Wylan giggled and comfortingly patted him on the elbow.
“How do you always do that to me?”
“You just start too strong every time,” Kaz answered, stretching his free arm to pour himself another glass of wine. “Typical of you, truly.”
Jesper parted his fingers to glare at him. Inej shrugged apologetically but Kaz just leaned back in the loveseat, smug. Their friend sighed again and slouched in his armchair in defeat. Wylan almost rolled overboard.
“One day, I’ll beat you,” Jesper vowed, catching his partner before he joined the carpet on the floor.
“I can ask Jem to give you some tricks,” Inej suggested. “They beat Kaz all the time.”
“Not all the time,” Kaz scoffed, glowering at her over the rim of his glass.
Her second was the best cards player she’d ever met, and their and Kaz’s rivalry was an ongoing tournament Jem was decidedly ahead in. Watching them play against one another was always an interesting show. She gave him an innocent smile and took a sip of her drink. Because she was leaning against him, they were closer than they normally would be, but he didn’t seem to mind. She certainly didn’t. Kaz’s eyes flicked to her lips while Jesper slowly started grinning again.
“That is a grand plan, my dear Inej,” her friend declared with his best imitation of a scheming face. “Can’t believe I haven’t thought about it myself.”
Before Kaz could reply, no doubt with some sort of jab, Wylan suddenly jolted upwards, his eyes flashing open. Jesper nearly dropped their glass in surprise.
“It’s almost midnight!” his partner exclaimed wildly.
“… Yes?” Jesper replied hesitantly.
It was indeed half an hour to, according to the grand clock practically hidden behind the massive tree in the corner. Wylan gesticulated hopelessly for a few seconds before being able to articulate the terrible news he apparently needed to share. Kaz shot Inej a slightly amused, slightly puzzled look. She shrugged.
“I haven’t decided what my three wishes will be yet!” Wylan finally managed, grabbing Jesper’s shoulders urgently.
“Wishes, merchling?” said Kaz, raising his brow. “Explain.”
His two friends turned to him at once, surprise clear on their faces. Inej tilted her head at him, her long hair following the movement and shining in the low light.
“You don’t know about the three New Year’s wishes?” Wylan asked incredulously, his hands still grasping Jesper’s shoulders.
“What part of ‘explain’ do you not understand?”
Wylan very seriously cleared his throat and joined the tips of his fingers together, trying to appear businesslike. Inej had seen him use the pose at the Mercher council once, when she’d infiltrated it for information. It actually worked, when his red hair wasn’t in such disarray.
“Every year, on the strike of midnight, you can make three wishes. And when the bells ring for the last time, if you kiss someone, those wishes will come true.”
Kaz still stared, one eyebrow dubiously lifted in his usual cynical expression. Inej nudged his knee with hers and laid her cheek on her hand, looking up at him. He turned to her, his brow still arched but his eyes softening immediately.
“It’s true,” she said conspiratorially. “It’s an old tradition. Everyone does it.”
Kaz reached for her glass and took it in his own hand before she sloshed the liquid remaining in it on his new sweater. Seeing as she wanted to sleep in it, Inej was grateful. She also didn’t miss the fond smile that flickered on his lips, there and then gone.
“I don’t make wishes,” Kaz declared evenly. “I make things happen.”
“I told you he was going to say that, Inej,” Jesper drawled.
“No wishes for you, then,” scoffed Wylan, “but that doesn’t solve my problem!”
“That’s alright, I’ll make all your wishes come true as they arise.”
“That’s not helping, Jesper.”
Inej’s fingers slid under the collar of Kaz’s sweater, teasingly caressing his clavicles over his shirt and tuning out Wylan and Jesper’s banter at once. He turned to her and let himself be completely captivated by her dark eyes.
“What about me?” she whispered.
He found it was increasingly hard to think when the tips of her fingers drew swirls on the sensitive skin around his bones, slowly, over and over. They were wild tonight, bold and unafraid. Apparently incapable of letting go of each other. Maybe it was the wine, or maybe it was just that pull there always was between them, the one they kept surrendering to, again and again. It was the only battle he was always glad to lose.
“What about you?” Kaz inquired as quietly, delighted by her soft weight resting against him, her flushed cheeks.
“What if I want to make wishes?”
His wish right now would be simple – kiss her until the sun rose up on the horizon again, and then maybe keep on going for a while. Kaz smirked at the thought and leaned even closer.
“You can make three and kiss me, then.”
He saw her eyes widen just the slightest, in surprise and delight. Silently, she flicked them to Jesper and Wylan, asking a question he already knew the answer to. Kaz lifted his brows at her in response, refusing to back down now that he’d made his decision. The choice was in her hands – and he knew she never backed down from a challenge. Inej’s smile turned mischievous and she slowly reached down for her glass in his hand, brushing the length of his fingers with hers from the first knuckle to the tip of them, before taking the handle from him. Her other hand made its way to the back of his shirt collar as she took a sip, her eyes not breaking contact once. He felt her nails gently brush against his nape. Midnight couldn’t come fast enough.
“We should go outside and watch the fireworks,” Wylan declared grandly, unsteadily jumping to his feet.
Kaz blinked, breaking Inej’s spell with difficulty. He took a lungful of air then downed the rest of his drink, knowing that she could see the blush rising on his cheeks as much as he could feel it. He was way, way too warm. An icy garden sounded good. It sounded great. He got up, grabbing his cane and extending his free hand to her.
“Let’s go, then.”
Inej took it gladly and unfolded with surprising grace, considering the amount of alcohol she’d consumed – nothing that would make him even tipsy, but in comparison she’d never been a big drinker. Kaz still remembered when she’d taken her first shot after joining the Dregs, in celebration of a small heist they’d pulled with Jesper. She’d downed it without hesitation, copying the way she’d seen all the members of the gang do it, no doubt, and Kaz had found himself suddenly fascinated by the curve of her neck, the brown skin of her throat as she’d swallowed. Thankfully, as the taste of the whiskey had kicked in Inej had made the most disgusted face, incapable of keeping up the bravado any longer. Jesper, who’d been waiting for that kind of reaction, had burst out laughing at the sight, breaking Kaz’s trance. He’d forced himself to forget all about the sensations that had curled in his stomach, but they’d nagged him long into the night, no matter how much he’d tried to take his mind off of her.
He didn’t force himself to ignore anything now, when it came to Inej. He hadn’t, and wouldn’t, for a very long time.
They walked into Wylan’s garden and quickly realized that they weren’t the only ones who’d had the idea of watching the fireworks in the cold; laughter and chatter were floating in the freezing air from the neighbouring houses. Soon the lights and colours started exploding in the sky and Kaz watched Inej gazing up at them, smiling at the carefree, happy expression on her face. Wylan was pointing at this and that colour, describing the compounds used for each explosive to Jesper, who in turn laughed and teased him for his big brain. Inej stole a look at Kaz and caught him staring, fascinated by the way the colours danced on her skin in the dark. She softly smiled at him and took one hand out of her pockets, reaching for his. Kaz tangled their fingers together then pulled her just a little closer when he noticed she wasn’t wearing gloves. He slid both of their hands in his own large pocket, making her smile wider. It wasn’t long before all the bells of the city started to toll at once in an unsynchronized cacophony under the already deafening noise of the last burst of fireworks. Inej was surprised when cheers and applause erupted all around them, the whole city celebrating in an uproar that was typically Kerch. Kaz was rendered breathless by the startled laugh that escaped her, ringing out in the air, even after all this time. Ignoring the rest of the world around them, he took her by the waist and gently turned her so she was in front of him, looking up into his face with her wide, joyous eyes.
“Do you have your wishes?” he asked quietly, and somehow, despite the noise, she heard him.
Inej pushed herself up on the tip of her toes and slid her arms around his neck, pressing her forehead to his.
“I do,” she whispered, her lashes fluttering, tangling up in his.
Kaz smiled and brushed his nose against hers, their breath clouding up together in the cold air.
“Close your eyes, then,” he murmured, and kissed her.
His mouth met her lips gently and he felt Inej melt into his arms, her own tightening around his neck, pulling him closer. His free hand travelled up from her waist to her back in answer and he couldn’t hold in the soft sigh that escaped him at the contact, her warmth, the way she took hold of all his senses like no one else could, not even his own dark, twisted mind. It still amazed him, being able to touch and kiss her without panic rising into him, without the waves crashing down and carrying him under. Sometimes they still did, and sometimes she still vanished, but they always managed to make their way out together. What Kaz felt more often now was a kind of relief that seemed to make the world shift underneath his feet, turn the colours of it brighter, even the blacks, greys and browns of his city. He gave into it gladly, forgetting all about the bells, the lights exploding overhead, Jesper and Wylan a few meters away. He made their embrace last, unhurried, as Inej slid her freezing fingers in the longer strands of hair at the back of his head. The kiss was careful and tender, almost chaste, but still it took his breath away and quieted his mind, his only thought her name whispered, over and over. And in that silent focus suddenly a handful of words appeared, more of a feeling, really, a want, a need. A wish.
Kaz came back to himself, still reeling from it, when Inej’s quiet chuckle reached his ears. He realized belatedly that she’d released him and the bells had stopped ringing. His eyes flickered open into hers and she smiled at his expression, which he assumed was halfway between dazed and wild, drunk with the feeling of her. She pressed her forehead against his once more, a finishing touch. Then she pulled away, flushed and radiant, but before she could step out of the circle of his arms he brought her back against him, pressed her to his loud beating heart. Kaz lowered his head, dropping his face to her small shoulder, and Inej laughed as it was her turn to be held tightly. Once he’d steadied himself again, he straightened and his cold cheek brushed against hers.
“Happy New Year, my darling,” he managed to breathe out, not trusting his voice.
Inej didn’t miss the catch in it despite his efforts, as he should have known by now. She held him tighter, burrowing her face in his collar.
“Happy New Year,” she replied as quietly.
She fell back on the soles of her feet when he loosened his hold but caught his hand in hers, searching his face in the dark. She seemed surprised when he smiled down at her breathlessly, his head still spinning from all the emotions gathered in his chest. They both startled when Jesper suddenly whooped and laughed, lifting Wylan up and twirling around joyfully. Inej chuckled and waited until he put her friend back down before opening her arms to the both of them with a grin. They pulled her in for a bone crushing hug, making her gasp with laughter. Kaz smiled when they all wished each other a happy new year at the same time, Jesper kissing Inej’s cheek and Wylan resting his head against hers. When they released her he stepped forward, bracing himself and ignoring the thundering of his heart in his ears.
“Happy New Year,” he echoed, before bringing his ungloved hand down carefully on Jesper’s shoulder.
He left it there only for the span of a second, more a brush than a pat, really, but it was so unusual that his friend didn’t miss it. Jesper’s eyes met his, surprised, and then he smiled – not his carefree, fast grin, but a slow, soft one that bloomed from the corner of his mouth up to the edges of his eyes. He didn’t say anything, and Kaz didn’t know if it was because he wouldn’t have or because Wylan chose this exact moment to pull him into another hug and kiss him on the cheek, distracting him. Kaz took a deep breath in, letting the cold air fill his lungs, and felt Inej take his twitching hand in hers. The familiar glide of her calluses over his scars and her knuckles sneaking between his made the knot in his stomach vanish as fast as it had appeared. When he turned to look at her, the gentle pride in her eyes made warmth bloom in its place. A few years ago it would have annoyed him, made the younger, broken version of him snap at her and hate himself for letting her see him as he was. Now Kaz simply basked in it, turning his face up to the smoky black sky overhead and closing his eyes, until the world stopped spinning.
After a short while they all stumbled back into the house, freezing and laughing. They pulled off boots and coats and scarves and made their way upstairs, trying – and probably failing, all of them except maybe Inej – to be silent so they wouldn’t wake Marya. They parted in front of Inej’s room, Wylan and Jesper continuing down the corridor as she carefully opened her door without a sound. She pulled him in, the moonlight creating silver shadows around her, but before he could walk further than a few steps Inej closed the door and firmly pushed him against it with one hand to his chest. His back hit the wood panel with a muffled thud and he barely had the time to register the movement because she was kissing him, positively harder than in the garden now that they were finally alone, with an urgency that set his entire body on fire. Kaz absentmindedly heard his cane fall to the ground with a clatter, the metal crow head hitting the wooden floor as he used both hands to pull her hard against him, trap himself between her soft body and the rigid door to his back. She’d recently discovered how much it thrilled him to feel completely surrounded, how the adrenaline coursing through his veins made him even more present, even more aware of how close they were able to be these days. She loved to use this new knowledge to her advantage, and he didn’t normally relish the idea of surrendering control, but with her, it was like a drug. Knowing that he could abandon himself in her hands, give in to her mercy, and come out of it unscathed made him lose his damn mind. Kaz did not allow himself to think about the fact that if anyone in this city learned this, knew that he loved to be pushed around, backed in a corner with his senses overwhelmed by the feeling of her, he would be done for. In a sense, he already was. He simply couldn’t string one thought after another when Inej did this to him.
She slid one of her legs between his, pushing upwards and angling her mouth so he could kiss her deeper when a soft sound passed from his mouth to hers. Inej shifted her hands so they didn’t rest on his chest anymore but flat against the wood beneath his shoulder blades, not directly touching him on purpose. Kaz made another protesting sound at that, his fingers digging into her back in contrast, his full weight heavy and maddening against her body. Sometimes, when she knew he could take it, didn’t long for her comfort, she loved to make him wait for it, tease him as he did with her. She pressed her chest to his, his mouth burning hot, her hair already tangled all around them. He faltered just a little, his knees turning weak from the combination of his straining leg and her messy, glorious kiss, and Inej couldn’t help herself any longer. She gave in and plunged one hand in his hair, used the other one to find his lower back and steady him, hold him to her harder. A gasp escaped her when they parted for breath, or maybe it was him – she truly didn’t know where she ended and Kaz started anymore. All she could feel was the rush of tangled limbs, of their mouths coming together again and again and the air they shared between them. Inej kissed him until her mouth was bruised from it, until her lungs ached, until his entire body was shaking against hers, rattling them both. Then she pulled back panting, her hands clenched almost painfully around the damn sweater she’d wanted to pull off of him the second he’d walked into Wylan’s house. Kaz’s head fell backwards against the door heavily, his chest expanding with every unsteady breath he managed, and Inej found she was grinning wickedly. He swallowed a couple of times, the movement of his Adam apple reigniting the urge to pull him down to her once more, but then, as if reading her thoughts, Kaz ducked his head to look directly into her eyes. His pupils were blown wide with arousal, a sight that never failed to send shivers down her spine in anticipation. He looked down at her hands grasping his sides, his own two points of almost unbearable heat right at the dip of her waist, and let out a breathless chuckle.
“You really want this, don’t you?” he whispered, his voice steady but even more rough than usual.
Inej leaned in closer and kissed him again, slower, this time. Kaz answered in kind, cupping her face in his hands, all of him reaching for all of her. She didn’t tell him why she’d suddenly felt the overwhelming need to tackle him against the door, and she had a feeling he knew. He knew it wasn’t just the sweater. It was his arms around her, his hand on her leg, his dark eyes constantly finding hers, his laughter as he beat Jesper at cards, his soft, amazed smile after their kiss in the garden. His vulnerable, naked hand on their friend’s shoulder. It was all of this and so much more, all of him and his brave, brave heart. And the best part was that she knew she didn’t need to explain. Because he also knew all of her better than anyone else.
Without breaking their kiss, Kaz gently took her hands in his, patiently uncurling her fingers one at a time until she finally realized what he meant to do and let go of his sweater. Inej opened her eyes when he pulled away to tug the woolen shirt over his head, leaving her instead with the sight of the broad, elegant lines of his ribcage and chest under his expensive looking button down. Kaz freed his arms from the warm garment, making static shocks appear in the dark, and handed it to her without a word, a smirk tugging at his mouth. She took it and immediately buried her face in it shamelessly, inhaling the smell of him before leaning her forehead against his chest, hugging the sweater to hers and closing her eyes. It was impossibly warm, the lingering heat of his body gathered in it, warming her hands right through as she buried them in the wool.
“How do you always manage to stay so warm?” she suddenly asked, fascinated despite herself. “It was freezing in the garden.”
He stayed silent for a moment, but then she felt a quiet laugh shake his chest and pulled back, intrigued by his hilarity. Kaz looked down at her, dumbfounded. Clearly, he hadn’t been expecting that reaction.
“What?” she said, feeling a smile stretch on her face, mirroring his own.
He only shook his head and pressed his grin to her hair, the fingers of his right hand firmly stroking between her shoulder blades, up and down.
“Like I do everything else,” Kaz answered with a dry tone, teasing. “Out of spite.”
She laughed too, then, abruptly realizing what an oblivious question that was to ask after they’d just been kissing each other senseless. Inej turned her face up to look at him, arching a dubious eyebrow even as she felt her cheeks heat up.
“Everything, hm?”
Kaz smirked then cocked his head, considering. Scheming face.
“Well. Not everything,” he corrected himself, then showed what he meant by kissing her cheekbone, then slowly going down, down.
No, thought Inej, her eyes fluttering shut – that much he definitely didn’t do out of spite. Kaz’s mouth brushed her cheek, then the edge of her jaw. He followed the sharp line of it until he reached her chin, but only hovered close to her mouth for a second before touching his lips to the tip of her nose instead. Inej’s fingers twitched around the sweater as he found the arch of it next, then the lines between her brows. She huffed in frustration and stepped back, glaring at him and his smug expression. She tossed his shirt on her bed, probably with more force than was necessary, then turned back to him, her hands free to catch herself with the breadth of his shoulders when she stumbled against him. It surprised her, although it shouldn’t have, considering the amount of wine she’d had and the way Kaz always managed to make her head spin.
“Careful,” he chided in her ear, his hands firmly pulling her in until their waists met.
“I am perfectly balanced,” Inej lied, trying to ignore the frankly excessive amount of heat gathering in her stomach once more.
Kaz snorted, not fooled for a second, and brushed his nose against hers.
“Five years as a sailor and you still can’t hold your alcohol,” he teased, one hand leaving her back so he could tangle his fingers in the tips of her hair.
“I,” she said indignantly, but admittedly without much conviction, since his breath was brushing against her mouth and distracting her, “am not a sailor. I’m a captain.”
He chuckled again at that, the sound low in the back of his throat, making her back curve to fit more properly in the sharp angles of his body.
“Yes,” Kaz whispered, his lips meeting hers with every word, “my mighty, mighty sea captain.”
He knew too well how calling her by her title always did the trick, and she would have scolded him about it if she minded the skip of her heartbeat in the slightest, but she didn’t. Inej met his hungry kiss with some fierceness of her own, her hands taking hold of his suspenders and pushing him back roughly against the door. Kaz’s clever fingers sneaked in between them to tap gently against the button holding her suit jacket closed, an unspoken question. This was one of the rules they never broke; he never removed her clothes without her explicit consent, and most of the time, he was actually happy to let her do all of it herself. Especially since she’d started enjoying the process, pulling out her knives first and watching as his eyes became darker and darker the more she revealed herself to him.
“Yes,” Inej granted breathlessly between two kisses.
The entirety of his wide palm pressed against her abdomen while he worked the button opened in the span of a second, both hands then free to roam underneath, over the thinner fabric of her blouse. She gasped, her body’s reaction separating them and making their foreheads bump into one another. Kaz immediately pressed his face to the side of her head to soothe her, his breath ruffling the curling pieces of fine hair on her temple he’d disturbed with his enthusiasm. It was a sharp contrast to the feeling of his hands where she loved them the most, over her ribs, right on the underside of her breasts. He could probably feel her heat thud wildly under his palms.
“Damn Wylan and his stupid cranberry wine,” she muttered, her voice unsteady.
She felt his cheek shift against her hair, betraying the smile he was hiding there.
“I thought you liked Wylan and his cranberry wine.”
“If I hadn’t drunk so much of it, I wouldn’t let you step away from this door until I had removed every single one of those layers of yours,” Inej shot back, haltingly but bluntly.
Kaz hummed in surprise and cleared his throat to give himself countenance, and it was her turn to smirk. As much as it pained her in that moment, that was another one of their rules; they didn’t try anything that could push one of them too far when they weren’t fully sober. Hugging, kissing and touching were fine, but they wouldn’t dare go further. Their explorations passed that line were still new and careful, sometimes leaving them just a little too raw on the edges. They knew it would be thoughtless of them to risk throwing alcohol into the mix.
“Well then,” Kaz said slowly, the timbre of his voice just dangerous enough to make goosebumps erupt all over her skin. “In that case, I’ll tell you what we’ll do.”
“Oh, will you?” she managed, matching her tone to his.
He pulled back to face her and brushed his lips lightly against hers, not letting her deepen the touch before moving his head down. Inej’s eyelids fluttered when she felt his breath at the junction between her neck and shoulder.
“Right now, you’re going to sleep until your head isn’t spinning anymore,” he whispered decisively.
His breath was replaced by his mouth and Inej inhaled sharply, her balance wavering again. Kaz deliciously lingered on the soft skin right next to her collar then released her to speak.
“Then, in the morning, I’ll fetch you a massive cup of that tea you love, with as much honey as you want.”
She exhaled shakily, a small release of the overwhelming joy mingling with the sheer want he was twisting her into. He wounded her tight again when he pressed his mouth to the base of her neck next, right between her collarbones. Inej’s hands clenched desperately around the fabric of his shirt.
“Maybe a pile of waffles from the kitchen, too,” Kaz kept on going, obviously enjoying himself.
Without lifting his lips from her skin, he dragged them upwards to her throat, painfully slowly.
“So, you’ll eat, and you’ll drink,” he murmured, punctuating each instruction with open-mouthed kisses that left her breathless, “and I’ll distract you by kissing your neck exactly where you like me to – here.”
On that last word he landed right under her ear, directly over her pulse, and Inej threw her head back, one of her hands releasing his shirt so she could hold on to his hair instead, pulling the thick strands of it between her fingers. Kaz let out a rough sound, his breathing sharp against her skin, and his mouth kissed its way to her ear, a little clumsily.
“And then,” he gasped, steadying his breathing out of sheer will alone, “if you agree, I’ll take that sweater off of you and keep you warm myself.”
Inej barely let him utter those last slightly trembling words before capturing his mouth in another searing kiss, showing him exactly what she thought of this plan of his.
They lost track of time after that, lost themselves into each other until they were both satiated, boneless and exhilarated at the same time, stumbling into the alcove where Inej’s bed waited for them, their knees almost giving way underneath their weight before they even reached it. Then, after catching his breath, Kaz found his sweater tangled at the end of the bed and pressed it in her hands with a kiss to her forehead, pushing himself to his feet as she tried to hide a yawn. He opened her chest of drawers and pulled out the change of nightclothes he kept there, shrugging out of his trousers and shirt as she did the same behind him. When he turned around Inej was sitting up on the bed and watching him, pulling out her hair, the long sleeves of his sweater rolled up to her wrists. It was obviously way too large for her, covering her down to the middle of her thighs, and Kaz thought that it was a crime for him to wear it when she looked so much better in it than he did. Damn Wylan and his cranberry wine, indeed. He walked back to her and pulled the covers before making himself comfortable underneath, watching as Inej finally managed to untie her hair, letting it spill over her shoulders, her back, all the way down to her waist. She plunged her fingers into it at the crown and shook it out, flicking it backwards with a little jut of her chin. She was about to gather it in a loose braid when Kaz reached and gently stopped her, his fingers brushing her wrist. Inej’s eyes met his in the dark and she smiled softly when he pulled her close, gladly climbing on top of him under the blankets.
“Don’t you dare complain about finding some of it in your mouth when you wake up,” she murmured, leaning over him so it slid over her shoulders and caressed his face, softer than silk.
Kaz wrapped his fingers in the loose strands and smiled when she lowered herself onto his chest, cuddling up closely and sliding one of her legs between his, the warmth of her bare thigh creating the most magnificent friction against the flannel of his nightclothes. It almost tore a groan out of him. He needed to hide every single bottle of cranberry wine he could find, he thought wildly, nonsensically, as Inej tucked her head under his chin.
“It’s a low price to pay,” he replied quietly instead, closing his eyes in bliss.
Kaz didn’t know if she knew how much her hair comforted him, somehow, the feeling of it tangled in his fingers, its weight draped all over him. It smelled like the sea when she came back from a voyage and like her always, soothing, grounding him between the sheets. He ran his knuckles through it carefully, not letting them snag on the rare tangles, and felt his insides turn all warm and heavy, the constant tension in the muscles of his body releasing quietly. That is, until he had the brilliant idea of sneaking his hand under the soft strands of Inej’s hair and firmly stroke up and down her nape with his long fingers, eliciting from her a soft, content sound that made him very, very much awake. He blinked furiously at the ceiling, willing himself to focus on something else, anything but the desire curling up in his stomach again. Just a few hours, he reminded himself firmly, slowly inhaling through his nose.
“Kaz?” Inej breathed in the dark, her small frame as heavy as it could be and so warm on top of him, not helping his case at all.
“Yes?” he replied, willing his voice to steadiness.
She shifted until her cheek rested on both of her hands, folded neatly over his heart. He could tell she was observing him attentively, and while he normally delighted in her scrutiny, now it was just a little too much for his overly sensitive senses.
“What did you wish for?”
The question, softly spoken and unexpected, snapped him out of his distracting thoughts as effectively as a bucket of iced water, if not more pleasantly. He looked at her, taken aback for barely one instant, but that was all it took.
“How did you know?” Kaz whispered without thinking, perplexed and strangely moved for some reason that escaped him.
Inej smirked, mischievously tilting her head at him.
“I didn’t. I took a guess.”
Oh. Had she just… tricked him? She definitely had. Kaz could only stare at her for a beat longer, speechless, until a smile tugged at his lips against his own volition.
“I’ve taught you too well,” he groaned, then huffed in laughter when she chuckled at his exasperated, yet proud, tone.
Inej stretched her neck and planted a kiss on his chin, the action making her chest press into his body. He looked at her suspiciously, detecting the knowing glint in the corner of her eyes. She was so aware of exactly what she was doing to him.
“So?” she prompted innocently, unrelenting.
Two could play at this game. Kaz arched a brow at her and pressed himself down just a little more comfortably into the mattress, lifting his hips underneath her in the process. Inej’s eyelids fluttered furiously when the motion intertwined them even closer.
“I don’t think I’m supposed to tell you that, darling,” he declared teasingly, his right hand still lost in her hair, his left one firmly finding her hipbone over the thick fabric of his sweater. “It’s a secret.”
He whispered the last few words in the conspirative tone he used for the real type of confidential information he’d shared with her over the years on jobs, heists, when helping her hunt down slavers. Inej’s eyes turned into slits as she watched him very closely, reading him the way only she knew how.
“You knew about the three wishes from the start, didn’t you?” she said flatly, not really a question.
Kaz hummed quietly, incapable of holding back his satisfied smirk.
“Of course I did. I’m Kerch too, remember?”
Inej rolled her eyes at him, exasperated.
“How could I ever forget…” she muttered, earning herself his widest grin at what she intended as a playful insult, no doubt.
Kaz took one of her hands in his and brought it to his mouth, kissing her knuckles one by one, holding her eyes with his all the while. She smiled at him when he held her fingers against his lips for a little longer, not kissing anymore but simply keeping them there, treasured and warm. She made his heart ache.
“You have to admit,” he murmured once he found his voice again, “it’s always funny to make Wylan explain things when he’s drunk. I couldn’t resist.”
Inej’s smile widened and she shook her head at him fondly, carefully freeing her fingers from his so she could wrap her arms around his chest and hug him fiercely, pressing her face to his neck. Just like in the garden, he couldn’t hide his feelings from her. She’d seen him. Not the armour, not the Barrel boss, but him, the raw, true version of him. She always did. He never wanted her to stop.
“I won’t tell if you keep on doing what you were doing,” Inej murmured knowingly, finding his hand in her hair and guiding it back to her nape so he would caress her there again.
Kaz didn’t know which secret she meant; him tricking his friends, or making wishes at midnight. He wondered if, even before guessing, when she’d looked into his eyes earlier in the cold night air, deep down, she’d known. He suspected she had.
“Very well,” Kaz replied in a sigh, letting his eyes flutter shut.
It didn’t take long for Inej to fall asleep under the touch of his hands, breathing slowly and evenly over him, but even as the rhythm of his body slowed down and synchronized with hers, his mind kept on going back to the deep want that had manifested itself earlier, rising up from his core, unbidden. Kaz knew that technically the tradition said that he could be granted three wishes, and, as the greediest person he knew, he should’ve taken advantage of that situation, as superstitious and frivolous as it was. But there were very few things he would actually entrust in faith’s hands, very few things he couldn’t make happen with the force of his own power and terrible will. There were very few things he couldn’t bend to his control.
Except time and its cruelty. Except maybe luck itself, and what it had in store for them. So, when only one wish had surged into his mind, loud and fierce and roaring as a tempest, Kaz had let it swallow him whole. He would repeat it three times every year of his life if it would keep on making it come true.
I want to grow old with you. I want to grow old with you. I want to grow old with you.
And, he didn’t know it yet, but, against all odds –
He would.