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"I'm going with Reepicheep to see the World´s end" announced Caspian. His ears filled with the wave of murmurs that ran through the crew. He spoke quickly, cutting them off at once. “We will take the boat. You will have no need of it in these gentle seas and you must build a new one on Ramandu´s Island. And now ... "
"Caspian" Edmund called, stepping forward and speaking sternly. "You can't do this." The expression that the boy had on his face made him look older, almost like the king of yesteryear that he really was, and not the sixteen-year-old boy he appeared to be. It was something new to see.
"Most certainly" the brave mouse scurried through the sea of legs and positioned itself in front of the king. "His majesty can´t do it." Drinian corroborated the idea from his place.
"Can’t?" Caspian scoffed harshly, looking each of the men in the eye, defiantly.
"Begging your Majesty´s pardon" Rynelf intervened from his place on the deck "But if one of us did the same it would be called deserting" Caspian snorted under his breath.
"You presume too much on your long service, Rynelf," replied the king.
"No, he´s perfectly right, Sir," Drinian said.
"By the Mane of Aslan" Caspian replied "I had thought you were all my subjects, not my schoolmasters."
"I'm not" Edmund spoke, keeping eye contact with the boy while slowly "And I say you can not do this." The long-haired boy took a step forward, closing the distance between the boys. It would not be the first time they had faced each other verbally, considering the large number of disagreements they had throughout their journey. Caspian just wanted to shut him up. Both boys' gaze shone in a similar way to the one it had on the Deathwater island. Pure necessity to beat the other, just a much more reasonable reason.
“Can´t again” said Caspian “What do you mean?”
"If it please your majesty, we mean shall not" Reepicheep interrupted with a bow. "You are the King of Narnia and, if you do not return, you will be breaking your word to all your other subjects left behind. You can't just go on adventures like any other private person. And if his majesty is not willing to listen to reasons and decides to continue, it will be a true show of loyalty on the part of every man on board to follow me in disarming and binding you till you come to your senses"
"Quite right" Edmund agreed with the little creature, keeping his voice and postures firm. Caspian felt the boy's attitude fill his body with anger. He reached for the hilt of his sword, ready to fight, and felt the younger man's hand waver toward his own.
Lucy, who had not said a word during the entire confrontation, spoke with a firm and sure voice "And you almost promised Ramandu's daughter to go back” The king looked at her for a few seconds with a frown and finally turned around...
"Well, have your way. The quest is ended. We all return. Get the boat up again”
"We do not all return, Sir" Reepicheep began "I as I explained before ..."
"Silence," Caspian exploded. "I will not be baited. Will no one silence that mouse?"
"Your Majesty promised to be a good lord to the Talking Beasts of Narnia." Caspian chuckled at the comment.
"Talking beasts, yes." He leaned in closer to the mouse. "I say nothing about beasts that never stop talking." With that, he turned and strode to the cabin, slamming the door behind him violently.
He paced back and forth a couple of times, feeling the heat of anger pour out of all his pores. He stopped in front of one of the walls and struck it, with all the strength he found within himself. As his skin hit the hard material and pain licked his knuckles, a roar thundered behind him, making him turn immediately.
"Aslan?" he asked looking around. There was no way in this world (or that) that such a large lion could enter such a small space by comparison without Caspian having noticed it upon entering. Yet somehow, he could know that he was there
"My son" Caspian turned to where the voice seemed to come, meeting the metal lion head hanging on the wall. Only it was no longer a single piece of metal, but it looked so real, that it was hard to believe that on the other side of the wall there was not the huge body of the lion.
"Aslan," Caspian whispered. After a few seconds, full of surprise, he dropped to one knee and bowed his head in respect.
"Stand" the lion growled, causing a shudder to run through the boy's body.
"I ..." he began.
"Feeling anger is a normal thing for you sons of Adam," Aslan said. His voice sounded deep, almost like a growl. An animal touch that Caspian had never heard in the "But you must not forget that you have a kingdom that trusts you and it is your duty to guide them, King Caspian." The lion's eyes placed an inexplicable weight on Caspian's chest. After a long silence and a check to see that the lion was there, the king realized that it was his turn to speak.
“It's just that…” he hesitated “We've come so far and we've been through so much. I ... I can't bear ... My father ... "
“Your father did what he had to do. Just as you should.” Aslan’s voice had softened, but guilt ran through Caspian's veins. “Just like your friends.” The king, who did not know when he had lowered his eyes, looked up quickly.
"What do you mean?"
“Everyone has a place to which they belong and a time in this world. I'm afraid your Pevensie friends and little Reepicheep… They have finished their time in Narnia. "
“But” Caspian's voice cracked slightly and he cleared his throat “It's too soon. I am not ready "
"You are, child"
"No" Caspian would never have dared to disagree with Aslan had it not been for the news. The last time the Pevensies had come, he had felt how easy it was to be with them, but this last trip… With all the things that had happened. He could feel them closer than ever. All the chess games that he lost to Lucy were but that she was too kind to mention running through his head. And all those nights on deck, unable to sleep with the task of being a good sailor and a good king slowly bringing him down until Edmund, who somehow knew he was there every time, came up to see him, putting his light arm around Caspian´s shoulders, even though he was a couple of inches smaller. Even Eustace, and how his unbearable gossip had changed to leave someone much gentler. “They are like my family. I love Lucy like she's my own sister and Ed… Edmund, he…” A tear threatened to fall down the boy's cheek as he looked the lion in the eye. Somehow, as he did so, he could feel inside him that he was right. And as much as it hurt, he couldn't keep his friends, and they had to move on. "I'm not ready, there are things missing ..."
"You will have time to sort things out," Aslan said simply, giving the king a meaningful look.
"Reep?" he asks
"You´ll see"
When he was about to ask another question, a knock on the door made him turn. When he looked back, the figure on the wall was metallic and rigid again. Caspian watched it, almost hoping that it would change again, but nothing happened. He walked away with numb limbs and turned toward the door. "Come in." Slowly the wood parted, revealing Edmund's face.
"May I" asked the boy. His voice was much calmer than it had been on deck.
"Come in," Caspian cleared his throat. The younger king closed the door behind him and took a couple of steps, stopping at a gentle distance from the other.
"I'm sorry" they both spoke in unison, stopping instantly. "You first" said Edmund with a slight smile.
“The way I behaved was not correct. You were just trying to stop me from doing something stupid.” Caspian closed his eyes, embarrassed. They both knew each other deeply, but that only made the idea of disappointing him worse "I behaved like a tyrant ... Like my uncle"
"No," Edmund growled. "You are not like him." He walked over to the older one and put a dubious hand on the king´s shoulder. "You couldn't even try, you're too nice for that"
“It's just that… I felt so much anger. And fear. Everything at once.” He glanced at the boy's hand. The calluses were clear after days working on the Dawn Treader. He could also see bitten nails. "I don't know what it is or what I should do"
"What you must do is go back to where you belong." Edmunds' face seemed to age ten years at the time. The statement went the same way for him and it hurt just as it did for Caspian. They both kept a comfortable silence, which was only broken by their breaths and the gentle tide.
"I can see you've learned something from him" Caspian commented, finally
"Who?"
"Aslan" he replied simply. "He spoke to me." Edmund turned his full attention to the Telmarine. Their eyes connected “I don't want to talk about it too much. But he said the same thing. That I must return. Alone"
Ed's eyes widened at the implied message of the phrase and he licked his lower lip thoughtfully. Caspian did not overlook how pretty the boy's lips looked at that moment. It would not be the first time that he noticed it, to be honest.
Edmund smiled slightly "I think I should have guessed it" his smile grew a bit and along with a playful look he continued "But that's important. Who is going to take care of you from screwing it up when Lucy or I are not around to keep your butt safe?"
"How kind of you to worry, Your Majesty" Caspian sneered as he gave a friendly punch to the boy's back, earning a laugh of his own from Edmund "It was hard to see Aslan disappointed" He added seriously.
"I would know about that" he teased as he looked at nothing, as if he remembered his own reprimand. Caspian used to forget that part of the story. The part where Edmund had helped the White Witch. He even used to hear how the few people who dared to mention stories from old Narnia called him The Traitorous King. Caspian always thought otherwise. It's not like I'd ever tell Edmund. "But" The boy's voice brought him out of his thoughts "I think as long as you have learned something from all this, I think he will be satisfied" the Pevensie boy turned his face towards Caspian, meeting the boy's eyes already fixed on him "He said anything else I should know? " he asks. Caspian remembered the lion's words. -You'll have time to fix things. - He wasn't even sure he knew what he meant by that.
Of course, he had noticed how his heart raced every time Edmund gave him one of those mischievous smiles, or when he watched him swing his sword with movements so agile that it seemed that he had been born knowing how to do it. And he would love to have enough time to analyze and understand how he felt about the boy, so that everything was clarified.
"No, not really" said the king, looking at his hands as he pinched some wounds on them. Edmund looked at him from his face to his hands. He reached out a hand to separate his, earning a tearful look from Caspian.
"You know? I think I know what it is like when a king is unwilling to make himself feel, for fear of spoiling something. Peter used to do it often. "When the long-haired boy's hands were apart, Edmund's hand did not move away, but had taken one, with a grip so light that it almost seemed not to be there at all" You know how many times it worked? "
Caspian couldn't take his eyes off their clasped hands, but whispered "Maybe not as many as I can imagine."
"It didn't even work once" Edmund smiled "Each time he delayed the problem, only to leave us with a much bigger one." With his other hand, he tapped Caspian's chin, making him look at him. “It's okay to feel once in a while. That shows you that you are alive. And it makes you grow as a person” The boy sighed
"And oh, King Edmund, what do you do when you don't know how to feel?" The older king kept his face serene.
"I guess you have to find out" replied Edmund "Over time"
"What if I don't have time?" Caspian insisted. They both looked at each other.
"I'd love to know too." Edmund's dark eyes ran up and down all over Caspian's face. Carefully, he raised a hand, bringing it closer to the boy's face. He brushed a loose strand behind his ear and smiled even more.
Caspian hesitated. He could feel his heart in his ribs and a tingling at the back of his neck as he took Edmund's arm and pulled him tight, pulling him into a hug. He put his head on Ed's shoulder, even though he must have bent down to do so and he felt the other press him against him.
It could have been only five seconds or several hours, neither of them were sure. When they parted, they looked at each other's faces for a while longer. Edmund could see that mark that he had near his eyebrow since that time at the age of eight that he fell from the horse and Caspian could see each one of the freckles that floated on his face, as if they were soft kisses given by the sun.
"When Lucy mentioned the star ..." Edmund began quietly.
"I didn't react for her" explained "Lucy has a quite persuasive voice"
"Yes, she does"
"Shit, she's going to be so disappointed" the Telmarin complained in a groan.
"She'll get over it," Edmund replied. "I'm a little glad it's not for her that you're coming back" he said whit just a little blush on his cheeks.
"Me too," Caspian admitted in a whisper.
Suddenly, they both started laughing. There was no real reason. Perhaps it was just a much better alternative to sitting down and crying. Or was it in honor of they meeting the other. But it was the kind of laugh that could enhance even the grayest and boring day that can come to mind.
Caspian didn't know what Aslan meant by -Fix things- but he knew he would use the time he had to figure it out.